Chapter Text
Dazai was walking away from another painfully boring meeting. He didn’t even know why he had to attend; it wasn’t like he was adding anything useful to them anyways. All of the other executives looked down on him because he was younger than them, like he wasn’t closer to Mori than they would ever be.
As he walked down the hall of the Port Mafia, he could hear the echoing whispers from the other members. This happened a lot. Everywhere he went he was followed by the word ‘soulmate.’ He couldn’t escape.
He hated it. He hated the fact he would never have what other people had. Everyone else had been born with a symbol, a mark to represent their connection to their soulmate. He didn’t have one. He had nothing, no one.
The blank space on his wrist had always been an insecurity of his. And yet, no one cared. Why couldn’t they all just be quiet?
The word echoed in his head, always there. It was weird how a simple empty space could cause so much pain.
He continued to walk down the hallway, his black shoes clicking on the tile as he shot people glares, daring them to continue their hushed conversations. His face could never really look unhappy per-se, but when he wanted it to be, it could be eerily intimidating. The malicious twinkle in his eyes could make grown men’s posture stiffen when he walked by. He felt a sense of sick satisfaction at that fact. Still, that wouldn’t fix his growing hate for these hallways. Mori knew that he hated being in public spaces, and still forced him to go to those stupid meetings. He knew The Boss didn’t care anyway, but it still sucked that he had to go.
When he had finally reached the door he was looking for, his grin turned into a soft smile. He didn’t know when annoying Chuuya had become somewhat of a highlight to his day, but it definitely happened. Maybe he should get that checked out.
Suddenly, Chuuya opened the door. “Whaddya doin’ just standing out here?” He sighed, stepping to the side for Dazai to come inside. “Y’know you don’t have to stand out here until I open the door, right?”
“Yeah,” Dazai responded, “buuut I enjoy making you get up to hold the door for me. So gentlemanly!” He snickered, stepping inside. He walked over to Chuuya’s couch, flipping down onto it. Dazai didn’t know why Chuuya had a couch in his office in the first place, but he wasn’t complaining. He basically lived on that couch anyway.
At this point, it was like they were living together. Stray rolls of bandages had somehow found their way into Chuuya’s desk, mixed in with stray pen and pencils. Neither of them really went back to their own apartments (if that’s what you could call Dazai’s shipping container, anyway). Most nights, Chuuya stayed up late finishing paperwork and yelling at Dazai, while Dazai was content with throwing paper airplanes at him. Though neither of them would ever say it out loud, it was fun. Their living situations weren’t exactly inviting to say the least, and having somewhere, someone, to feel safe with really meant a lot.
Chuuya’s office was filled with old records, all neatly placed in boxes and sorted in alphabetical order (though, Dazai had swapped the records into the wrong cases a long time ago). The only light in the room came from lamps placed around the room. For some reason there were no overhead lights, and the raggedy couch was placed against one of the walls. There were a few posters hung up with Chuuya’s favorite bands on them (which Dazai found to be loud and obnoxious). There were old coffee mugs scattered around that Chuuya had meant to throw out, but forgotten, and were now piled up on his desk and, really, any surface available.
They had made that office into their own little home. And though they would never say it, they had found comfort in each other, too. Dazai had never met someone else who also didn’t have a soulmate, and the fact that Chuuya didn’t have a mark either gave them both a sense of belonging, like they were the same. They both knew they would never have that fated connection everyone else had, but that was okay, as long as they knew they weren’t alone.
Dazai popped his leg up onto the arm of the couch, looking at Chuuya.
“Oh my god, Dazai, how many times do I have to tell you!?” He exclaimed, stomping up to Dazai as the other gave him an innocent look. “I hate you SO MUCH.” He said, pulling Dazai’s feet off of the couch.
“Awhh, what ever shall I do if Chuuya doesn’t like me?” He questioned to his fake audience, putting a hand over his heart as if he had been stabbed. “I don’t know how I’ll go on living!”
Amusement shone in his eyes as he kicked his feet up on the coffee table instead. “Y’know, this couch doesn’t have much going for it in the first place, so I don’t know why I can’t put my legs up on it.”
“You don’t have much going for you, either.” Chuuya muttered, turning to walk back to his desk. “I have to do paperwork for our last mission, even though it was YOUR TURN TO DO IT!” He said, seething. “This is why we can’t get anything done!” He huffed, sitting down and clicking his pen.
“Well, if you weren’t so short,” Dazai paused to look Chuuya up-and-down, “Maybe we’d get done with missions faster and have more time to do paperwork!” He gave Chuuya a look like he had just stated the obvious. Chuuya’s blood boiled.
“I don’t even know why I hang out with you.”Chuuya said, shaking his head.
“Because I’m the best!” Dazai exclaimed, getting up and walking towards Chuuya.
Chuuya gave Dazai a look. “Whaddya doing?” He said, inching away from the other boy.
Dazai snatched Chuuya’s arm, “Come with me!” He said, pulling Chuuya up and taking his pen, stuffing it in his pocket.
“What? No!” Chuuya said, pulling his arm back. “Where are you going?”
“Oh cmon, you’re no fun!” Dazai said, grabbing Chuuya’s arm again, pulling him out the door.
Dazai led him down to the sidewalk, trying his best to ignore the stares and whispers they were getting. He knew Chuuya would probably talk to them after, anyway. He took Chuuya’s hand in his and pulled Chuuya through the streets, winding around corners and through alleyways. Eventually, Dazai stopped, releasing Chuuya’s hand, and stood there for a second. He had a confused look on his face. “Uhh, I think I got lost” he said, tilting his head and looking around.
Just as Chuuya was about to yell at him for wasting their time, Dazai made a small “Ah!” sound, taking Chuuya’s hand back into his and pulling him towards an arcade that was just down the street from them, lit up with neon lights and machines.
He let go of Chuuya’s hand, finally, as they approached the building. “Y’know how our arcade got shut down last month?” Dazai looked at him, turned away from the building, “Well! I found a new one while I was out yesterday!”
Chuuya just stood there, staring at the lights and wondering why Dazai had gone out of his way to bring him here. Slowly, he turned towards Dazai, who was standing in front of the arcade, looking pleased with himself.
He hadn’t noticed how close they had gotten throughout the years. He shook his head, clearing his mind. There wasn’t really a need to try and think about all that right now. At least the bastard wasn’t wasting his time like he initially thought. Although, he did still have work to do. But that could wait. They hadn’t been to the arcade in a while, even though they used to go every week. He could spare some time, probably. He’d just have to rush through his work in the morning.
“Well, whaddya waiting for?” Chuuya said, taking Dazai’s hand in his and pulling him into the arcade.
As soon as they walked in, they gravitated towards the claw machines. Their favorite thing to do was bet on who could get a specific plushie first, although— somehow— Dazai always won. He almost always gave the plushie to Chuuya. Chuuya would never admit it, but he appreciated the gesture. It was like being a kid, or as close to one as they could have gotten, having stuffed animals on his bed and cuddling with them while he slept, even though he never slept in his bed anyway.
—————————————————————
After hours of yelling and borderline beating the machine to shreds, they finally got the plushie. It was a soft green dinosaur with rosy pink cheeks and a cheeky smile. Once again, Dazai had won. Chuuya didn’t even know why he bothered playing at this point. They stayed so long that the manager had to kick them out, it was past closing time and Chuuya’s screams of anger when he watched the plushie fall again echoed through the arcade.
Dazai, once again, gave Chuuya the stuffed animal, and his reasoning for it this time was that one of it’s eyes was slightly smaller than the other, and he thought it was crude. It just wasn’t “up to my standards of greatness, Chuuya!” Chuuya shuddered as Dazai’s squeaky voice echoed through his mind. (He really didn’t mind it, but he wouldn’t ever admit that.)
This time, it was Chuuya’s turn to bring Dazai somewhere. Chuuya opted to stroll instead of speed walk, unlike Dazai earlier. He was tired, but he didn’t want to go back to that suffocating office, even though he did love it to death.
Dazai had on his signature black trench coat, with bandages wrapped around his torso and arms. Chuuya noticed that Dazai had wrapped the bandages a couple extra times around his left wrist, where most ‘normal’ people had their marks.
Now it all made sense, dragging Chuuya out in the middle of the night to an arcade they had never been to before. Giving Chuuya the plushie, because he didn’t really want it. Dazai does this a lot, at this point it wasn’t a surprise. Honestly, Chuuya was more surprised he hadn’t figured it out sooner. Usually he knew when Dazai was in one of those moods. The fact he didn’t this time scared him. Really, he should have noticed. Dazai had been scratching and picking at the sides of his bandages whenever he wasn’t doing something. Chuuya had figured out a long time ago that Dazai tended to lean towards ignoring his problems rather than actually dealing with or talking about them. They were partners, after all.
Dazai had always had a huge problem with the sheer emptiness of his wrist, like the blankness had somehow infected the rest of him, slowly crawling up his arm and poisoning his whole body. He felt like nothing, he felt like he somehow hadn’t been good enough to be blessed to have someone truly love him, and love them back. Dazai felt like somehow, it was his fault. Just like everything else was. Everything bad that had ever happened to him was his fault, and his fault only. He wasn’t going to deny it. He had caused it one way or another. Maybe it was just ‘God’s’ way of reminding him he wasn’t human. All other human beings were able to feel and reciprocate love, while he wasn’t, and would never truly be able to. Either way, he was sure he deserved it, one way or another. That was his life, things came and went, without warning. And sometimes, they just didn’t show up at all.
Chuuya, however, had never had that problem. He had long since accepted that he wasn’t and will never be truly human, a clone synthetically created in a lab. That’s all he was. He had guessed that’s why he hadn’t received a mark, he just wasn’t human enough. He was in the body of a human, the flesh on his face felt real. But it wasn’t, really. And it never would be. It wasn’t like his skin was made out of different material that a normal human’s, in every biological aspect, he was sheerly, utterly human. But he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe how seemingly normal he was. He knew a human wasn’t created in a lab. A human wasn’t tailored to be a vicious killing machine, a human didn’t hold the God Of Calamity under their skin. And most of all, a human didn’t need to prove to themselves that they were human. They just knew.
Chuuya had spent his whole life trying to mimic the habits of real humanity, even to the point of trying to push so much emotion out that it was almost unnatural. Either way, he couldn’t even make sense of his own feelings. Every time Dazai gave him a plushie, did little things for him, his heart gave a little skip. He didn’t know why, and honestly, he didn’t know if he wanted to figure out. Maybe it would be better to just leave it alone, untainted.
Their problem was that they both had the same dilemma. They were both destined to die alone, with nothing, no one. Dazai, because of sheer bad luck, and Chuuya because he was just a copy of someone else, pretending to be human. They would never be normal, no matter how hard they tried— they would never be normal, no matter how many arcades they went to, how many times they ran through the glittering streets of Yokohama in the dead of night, no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves they were.
—————————————
Chuuya walked with his signature slouch, to a passerby, he might’ve looked like any regular punk teenager. Sometimes, he was glad that people didn’t know who he actually was when he passed them on the street. Most people might be a little intimidated, but if they knew what he had done, what he would continue to do, he didn’t think he would be able to handle the looks of fear people would give him. He got enough of those stares when he walked through the Port Mafia hallways.
Dazai bumped into him, “You gonna go any faster?” He said teasingly, raising his eyebrows at Chuuya. “I know you’ve got tiny legs, but cmon..!” He sped up a little bit, turning around to look at the other boy while he walked.
“Oh my god.. I’m NOT SHORT!” He yelled, balling his hands into a fists. “If you make one more comment like that, I swear to god you won’t be able to talk at all afterwards.” He glared at Dazai, who looked utterly unimpressed with what Chuuya had just said, which made his blood boil.
“What are you, then? Average?” He laughed, pointing his finger at Chuuya. “Sure…” He said, turning back around and pointedly making smaller steps.
“I don’t even know why Mori partnered us together.” Chuuya said, exasperated. “I hate you, you know that?” He continued, flicking Dazai in the back of the head.
“We’re here.” Chuuya said, staring up at a large glass building. He looked at Dazai, who had stopped in his tracks, looking at Chuuya. Chuuya rolled his eyes. “C’mon,” he said, pulling Dazai into an alley and through a door in the side of the building. “They never lock it.” He said in lieu of Dazai’s confused look.
He led Dazai towards the staircase. The building looked abandoned, like a bustling company had once been there, but had since closed down or moved out, one or the other, and nobody had been in it since. There was construction tape closing off some areas, including the stairs Chuuya was pulling him towards. “Uhhh. Are you sure that’s safe?” He asked, looking at Chuuya with wide eyes.
The other boy just rolled his eyes, ducking down under the tape and standing on the stairs. “What? Are ya scared?” He said mockingly, with his hand on his hip.
“Uh, no, obviously not, but I just feel like that’s not exactly safe.” He said, ducking down under the tape and standing next to Chuuya.
“I didn’t expect you of all people to be concerned about safety.” He said, starting up the stairs. “I just want to die! I can’t wait to find something to kill me painlessly!!” Chuuya said in a weird high-pitched voice, followed by a few snickers. Dazai, however, looked utterly unimpressed with Chuuya’s impression of him.
“I don’t sound like that.” Dazai muttered, following Chuuya up the stairs. “You’re a horrible actor, but it’s as expected, of course. You could never live up to my greatness.” He placed a hand on his chest.
“You do too sound like that.” Chuuya simply said, turning around and flicking Dazai on the forehead.
“Ow!” Dazai held his forehead, “You have gotta stop doing that!” He said, pouting and trying his best to keep up with Chuuya on the stairs. He would never admit it, but Chuuya was much more athletic than him.
“You’re just being dramatic.” Chuuya said, turning around a corner at the top of the stairs and going down a hallway. Meanwhile, Dazai stood there for a second, catching his breath.
“Oh my god. Slow down!” He whined, pushing through the door and seeing Chuuya go through another door at the end of the hallway. “For goodness sake…” Dazai huffed, running (jogging really, he was too out of breath to actually run.) down the hallway to catch up.
Once he finally got to the door, he pushed through, saying, “How are you so fast.. it’s gotta be a little person thing—“ he stopped in his tracks, staring at the image in front of him.
Chuuya, leaning on a rail on the side of the building, looking up into the sky. It was pretty late now, usually, Yokohama being a city, you could only see a few stars. The few you could see were still pretty, but it was underwhelming whenever you looked into the night sky.
Today, though, it was beautiful. A deep purple faded into a dark blue, with a ribbon of darker colors in the middle. It was surrounded by little stars, like glitter dotting a canvas. He gasped a little, the glimmering stars reflecting in his eyes. Dazai looked back down, to see Chuuya staring at him with a smug expression on his face. Dazai felt like he should be mad, but all he could think right then was that the scene in front of him was beautiful. Chuuya might’ve looked smug, but Dazai could see the warmth of genuine happiness shining in his eyes. A look like that was uncommon in the Mafia, especially from one of them. Since they were kids, both of their lives had been full of dread, responsibility and burdens piled on them from a young age. Days where they could just live had been very rare.
Now, though, they were just happy. In this one moment, right then. They were happy.
“Don’t just stand there, bastard. Come here.” Chuuya said, gesturing towards the railing.
“You don’t tell me what to do, shorty.” Dazai said, walking towards the edge of the building dramatically. “How did you find this place, anyway?” He asked, joining Chuuya on the railing.
“I’m not short.” Chuuya muttered, shooting Dazai another glare. “Anyways, it was dumb luck, really.” He said into the cold night air. “I was just riding around on my motorcycle, and I came across it. I figured I’d done worse things than break into an abandoned building, so I walked in.” He shrugged. “It wasn’t like I went looking for it, or anything.”
“You know, you’re the worst. I hate you.” Dazai said, turning to look at Chuuya.
“Wow. You flatter me.” He paused, glaring at Dazai from the corner of his eye. “I hate you, too.” He continued, rolling his eyes at Dazai and flicking him harder on the forehead.
“OW!” Dazai said, putting his hand over his forehead. “YOU HAVE GOTTA STOP DOING THAT!” He whined, turning to look at Chuuya again.
“Once you stop being an idiot, I might. But honestly, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.” He said, bumping shoulders with Dazai. “So be ready for it to keep happening for the rest of your life.” He stated, while Dazai gave him a sharp glare.
“This is why I hate you.” He said, fake-pouting at Chuuya. “As the taller one here, I should be the one flicking you on the forehead.” He whined, pointing an accusatory finger at the other.
Chuuya shot him another one of his signature glares. “I AM NOT SHORT, YOU BASTARD!” He said, bonking Dazai on the head with his fist.
After putting his hand on the spot Chuuya had thumped him on and giving him a glare, Dazai pulled the pen he had stolen from Chuuya earlier out of his pocket. He looked at Chuuya, his hand held out. “Give me your left arm.” He said, making a grabbing motion with his hand.
“No, why?” Chuuya said, looking down at Dazai’s hand with a disgusted expression. “You’ll probably do something to it.”
“Like what? Draw a flower? Give it to me.” He said, repeating the grabbing motion.
“Fine. I guess. But if I find out you drew something weird on it I’m not gonna talk to you for a week.” Chuuya said, laying his hand in Dazai’s.
“Close your eyes.” Dazai said, with a serious face.
“WHAT?! NO!“ Chuuya said, staring at Dazai furiously. “Why would I do that?”
“Oh my god, just do it!” Dazai commanded with an annoyed expression on his face.
“Fine..” Chuuya muttered, closing his eyes. He felt Dazai rest his own wrist on Chuuya’s hand, and then start to draw on his wrist, with the same pen he had stolen from the other.
When he stopped, Chuuya started to open his eyes. “Wait one second.”
Chuuya let out a sigh. “Ugh, fine. It’s not like you just drew on my wrist or anything.” He replied sarcastically.
After a second, Dazai said, “Okay, now you can open them.” He stood in front of Chuuya, both of their wrists stretched out in front of them. As Chuuya looked down, he saw Dazai had drawn a little infinity symbol on his wrist, (or an eight? He didn’t know). The ink was smudged, probably because Dazai had accidentally ran his hand over it.“Did you just write the number eight on my wrist?” He asked, confused. “I knew it was gonna be weird.”
“What!?” Dazai looked at him with a shocked expression. “No! That’s stupid. I drew an infinity sign on your wrist, obviously.” He said, showing Chuuya his own wrist as well, which he had pulled bandages down from to draw on.
He had the same symbol drawn on his wrist. Suddenly, it clicked. The drawing was on both of their wrists, on the same spot a soulmate mark would be. Now, Chuuya was just confused. “What…” he said, staring at Dazai.
“Don’t look too much into it.” Dazai said, turning back around and slipping the pen back into his pocket, shrugging. “I just figured neither of us had a mark, so I would make one, that’s all.”
Chuuya was sure it was more than that, after all, Dazai’s actions were never just a ‘that’s all.’ kind of thing. There was always something else behind it. But, he took Dazai’s advice and didn’t look too much into it. It was useless trying to figure out everything Dazai did, anyway.
As Chuuya turned back to look at the sky, he heard his phone ring. As he pulled it out of his leather jacket, he was greeted with the word ‘BOSS’ in big white letters staring back at him.