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“I no longer know what you want from me, Sawamura. I’m doing the best I can.”
“Don’t give me that crap!” Eijun roared, slamming his fist on Miyuki’s desk. His brown eyes shined gold with rage and he slammed his fist again, knocking down a textbook. “How could you not tell me about your injury?”
I need to calm down
Eijun was a mess. His hair stuck out from every corner of his head and his eyes were puffy and pink from the hours spent crying while waiting for his catcher to return. He was exhausted and still hadn’t stopped moving since they had barely won the game against Yakushi. Miyuki had returned from the hospital only an hour ago and the news was not good. He had torn an oblique, just south of his right rib. He was going to be out of commission for at least a month, solely focused his recovery and rehabilitation.
I can’t calm down
“In what way is not telling your partner,” he hissed out the last word, lowering his eyes darkly while gesturing at himself with a pointed finger, “Your partner,” he repeated loudly, “that you’ve been injured is the best you can do?”
Tears threatened to fall from his eyes but he blinked past them, determined to keep his emotions in check. Crying only ever lead to Miyuki comforting him and he wasn’t in a mood to be comforted. He was in a mood to be angry.
“There wasn’t any reason for you and the team to know. I wasn’t in any pain that I couldn’t handle and I definitely wasn’t going to throw the game. I could keep playing. I did keep playing. The coach kept me in. What could your knowledge of my injury change? If I had told you it would have deterred your pitching and you wouldn’t have been able to play to the best of your abilities.”
“I wasn’t asking as your pitcher,” Eijun growled, glaring up at Miyuki. He knew Miyuki was right but it didn’t change how he felt. The catcher’s countenance was calm and collected, despite the heavy atmosphere, and it only fueled to anger Eijun more. “I was asking as your boyfriend.”
Eijun could see a flicker of emotion cross Miyuki’s gaze but he hid it quickly, tucking it underneath a tight smile and sharp eyes. “That doesn’t apply to the field and you know it,” he stated softly, leaning heavily against his bed post.
He loved Miyuki Kazuya. Probably from the first day he met him. He couldn’t quite recall when his opinion of Miyuki moved from infuriating, sly, and nasty to endearing, smooth and pleasing, but it had, and it had surprised himself more than anyone else. Eijun had always thought him attractive, and sickeningly so, but he knew that wasn’t why he loved him.
Eijun hated Miyuki when he was like this. Closed off, detached, and emotionally somewhere far, far from him. Slowly, Eijun had been chipping away at the cold exterior that was his boyfriend and teammate – awkward, fumbled confessions, stolen kisses behind the sheds and secret meetings in the bullpen late in the night was what added to make Eijun’s love – he knew that nothing manufactured or dressed up would be what lured Miyuki Kazuya in. The young pitcher couldn’t be anybody else if he wanted to. All he could hope was that his brazen honesty, rowdy nature and limitless positivity would be enough for the older boy.
To his immense pleasure, it was. Eijun felt lifted higher than the clouds when his affections were returned with a light blush or a quick beating heart, sometimes even a smile that had no hidden meaning except for joy. Miyuki’s eyes flashed knowingly at him from across the diamond, features lit with passion and adoration that Eijun could feel down to his core.
That doesn’t apply to the field?
He could never understand the separation of their sport and relationship. Baseball, Seido, Miyuki – they were all one thing for him, a beautiful, passionate entanglement of love and life that played a pivotal role in his endless optimism and cheer.
Eijun clenched his fists tightly, glowering at the ground below him. “It does,” he argued, marching over to where Miyuki stood, pulling roughly on one of his hands. “I deserve to know when you’re hurt or when something is wrong with you…Maybe I couldn’t have done anything but it wasn’t fair for you to hide it!”
“Maybe it wasn’t, but I don’t care. It was for the team.”
The clear stillness of his voice stuck Eijun like a punch to the gut and he felt his heart twist in his chest. This wasn’t a challenge or an invitation coming from Miyuki; it was simply how he felt. Eijun backed away slowly, moving to sit on Miyuki’s bed, ducking his head between his legs. He let a few tears slip from his face, dripping from his chin and onto the carpet. He heard Miyuki sigh and move closer to him, reaching to place a hand on his shoulder. Eijun flinched outwardly, shying away from Miyuki’s touch.
“I should go,” he muttered softly, getting up from the bed, wiping the moisture from his eyes. He failed to see the cold, calm look that settled itself into Miyuki’s expression. Miyuki cleared his throat, moving towards the door.
“Don’t. I’ll go. I need some time to think.”
Eijun jerked his head towards Miyuki, alarm filling his gaze. “Think? Think about what?”
Miyuki stared hard at the floor, running a single hand through his dark hair.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
“W-what are you talking about? What isn’t a good idea?” Eijun couldn’t keep the panic from slipping into his voice. Bells rang in his mind and move quickly, jumping to stand next to his partner, grabbing his face with both hands. Miyuki leveled his gaze, looking at Eijun with lidded eyes.
“I thought that somehow we could make this work…somehow I could manage being Captain and your catcher and your boyfriend, but now I don’t know if I can.”
Eijun choked on words he didn’t know how to say and sobbed, moving his hands to cling to Miyuki’s neck.
“I just need some time.”
No, don’t do this, you can’t just do this
Miyuki slipped out of his embrace and opened the door, not once looking behind him. He stopped for a moment, possibly to say something else, but Eijun beat him to it, rushing to grab his hand once more.
“Please don’t do this,” he pleaded, fresh tears running down his face. “I-I’m sorry, I’m just so worried about you. You don’t have to do this.” Miyuki refused to turn around and Eijun thought he heard him clear his throat, but he shook his and took his hand back, walking down the hall and into the encumbering darkness of the night.