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The golden teardrop-shaped pendant was ice cold around Nico’s throat as he laid on his bed in the Hades Cabin. He twirled the chain around his fingers, trying to work up the courage to actually fall asleep.
The pendant had been Clovis’s idea. Nico was pretty sure the son of Hypnos was just annoyed by Nico pestering him about how to get rid of nightmares. Supposedly, this little necklace, which held a tiny moonstone etched with tiny poppy design, brought the wearer “the nicest possible dream” (Clovis’s exact words, which Nico had memorized just in case this turned out to be a cursed necklace, or something).
Internally, Nico had scoffed at the idea. In the aftermath of the war, during his three-day-long stay (which quickly turned into a week, then two, then Nico had to put his foot down on it becoming a third), Will Solace had done everything he could to fix Nico’s nightmares. Nico was pretty sure that if this necklace worked, and didn’t corrupt him or something, Will would’ve found this.
Nico thumped his head against the headboard, a familiar warmth rising in his stomach. Will Solace…gods, it was stupid how even the thought of him could affect Nico so much. They’d become close friends since those two weeks, and Will was always the one who was there for him– inviting him along to camp activities, reminding him to eat, being his “doctor-mandated nightlight” when he knew Nico’s nightmares were getting particularly bad.
Of course Nico fell in love with Will Solace, a man so sweet and stubborn and perfect that he could keep Nico alive even while he was on the verge of fading away forever. Of course he chose to stay at camp with Will, even when the Seven moved away to New Rome. It didn’t even matter that Nico knew he’d never get to experience what it would be like to date Will, to hold his hand and kiss him at the top of every Ferris Wheel and in the middle of every rain storm. Nico was…helpless, like that one blue girl from that musical Will had insisted he watch (he tried to pay attention, he did, but really it was Will’s fault for wearing a shirt that kept riding up, exposing slivers of perfectly tanned skin).
Nico’s eyes drifted back towards the pendant. Will would probably be really happy if he found out Nico had a way to permanently stop the nightmares. He’d be happy that Nico was sleeping well again (because apparently Will didn’t think three hours a night was “healthy”, or something), and he’d never admit it, but he’d probably be happy that he didn’t have to visit the Hades Cabin in the middle of the night because Nico was on the verge of summoning some dark Underworld creature while his mind tormented him with visions of fiery lakes that scorched his throat and the ever-presence smell of sulfur.
For Will’s sake, he could probably try to sleep. And if the pendant didn’t work, then Will didn’t need to know about it all.
When sleep finally overtook him, it wasn’t Tartarus or suffocating jars and the taste of seeds that greeted him, it was a warm field Nico didn’t recognize, sat next to a small lake. The moon was bright and full, casting a silvery glow over the calm, sparkling surface of the water, and the shadowy figure sitting on the dock. Nico moved towards the lake, squinting in the darkness, trying to identify the person. Tall grass brushed against the bare skin of his ankles, and the warm air surrounded him like a hug, smelling of something unfamiliar but homey and sweet.
The wooden dock creaked under his weight, and the figure turned around.
“Nico?” Will Solace asked.
Nico nodded, not trusting himself to make words. Gods, Will looked fucking gorgeous in moonlight. His blonde hair was a curly mess on his head, tinted silver by the moon, and the pale light on his face brought out his golden freckles into sharp focus. Nico wanted to kiss every one of them, especially the line that ran down his neck, towards where his sweatshirt showed a bare hint of his collarbone.
“You’re not usually here,” Will said, relaxing slightly. He patted the spot on the deck next to him, and Nico was glad for the excuse to sit before his legs completely gave out.
They sat in silence for a minute, feet skimming the cool surface of the water, before Nico finally spoke.
“Do you know what this place is?”
“My mom’s old house in Austin,” Will replied, smiling softly as he gazed at the water. “I have a lot of nice memories, before I got sent to Camp Halfblood.”
Nico looked down at his hands– pale and almost ghostly, nowhere near as pretty or soft as Will’s– not sure what to say. He wished he still had nice memories to hold onto, but even the most innocent memories he had of his life before the Casino were always tinged with sadness and the lingering smell of crackling electricity.
“Hey, Nico, can I ask you a question?’
Nico shrugged.
“What do you call a dinosaur wearing a cowboy hat and boots?”
Nico wasn’t sure what was worse, the joke or the heavy Southern accent Will was faking, looking at Nico out of the corner of his eyes with a stupid smile on his face.
“Seriously, Solace?”
Damn that smile, because Nico could feel the urge to smile along with him pulling on his own lips.
“A tyrannosaurus Tex.”
Nico groaned, ducking his head to hide the smile he couldn’t keep away. Of course his “nicest possible dreams” would be him and Will just being friends, sitting by a picturesque little lake together, with Will telling him the stupidest jokes. He’d wondered what the pendant would give him, but he wasn’t exactly surprised. Will was pretty much his only friend who wasn’t on the other side of the country.
Something warm lingered on top of Nico’s hand, and he froze, mouth falling into a tiny oh. Will had intertwined their fingers, looking up at Nico with fond, sparkling eyes. The pendant could see right into his heart, apparently, and was giving him exactly what he’d been wanting.
“You should smile more,” Will said, soft and genuine, and Nico didn’t miss the way his eyes flitted down towards Nico’s lips. “You’ve got a really pretty smile. It’s like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.”
“Don’t bring your dad into this right when we’re about to kiss.”
This was a dream, after all. Nico’s nicest possible dream. They had to kiss. This might be Nico’s only chance.
Will raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips as he leaned into Nico’s space. “Oh, we’re gonna kiss? Well, if you say so."
Will leaned in, and fireworks exploded under Nico’s skin, the feeling of the rough dock under his fingers buried under the trail of sparks left by Will’s hand as he cupped Nico’s cheek, pulling him closer.
Oh, yes, this was nice. Nico melted under the warmth of Will’s touch, threading his fingers in Will’s hair– just as fluffy as he’d always imagined.
“We should do this more often,” Will said when they pulled apart from the kiss, still holding onto each other, still breathing the same air.
“I hope I don’t have to shadow travel you to a lake in Texas just to kiss you,” Nico replied. The idea that this was all a dream that would go away in the morning made him feel confident, exhilarated. This Will would never reject him, would never hate him for anything, leave him behind when it was convenient.
“Darling, you can kiss me whenever you want.”
Nico leaned in again, capturing Will’s lips in another time-stopping kiss. The thought of nightmares and dark horrors felt so far away here, in this little lake with Will by his side. If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up.
“Nico!” Will exclaimed when Nico showed up for breakfast. He all but skipped over to the Hades Cabin table, plopping down beside him, a bright smile on his face. “You’re up early.”
A smile twitched on Nico’s face, and he looked down at his food in order to avoid Will’s gaze, because he was sure he would start blushing furiously if they did make eye contact. The sensations of his dream from the night before were still fresh in his mind, still spreading warm, tingling butterflies in his stomach.
“I just had nice dreams, for once,” Nico said. Will’s words played through his mind– You’ve got a really pretty smile. He wanted to hear that again. He wanted Will to touch him again, hands warm and words soft.
“Oh, that’s good. Listen, I was wondering if you’d already picked your team for Capture the Flag, because Kayla “accidentally” snapped one of Sherman’s weapons in half and they’re, like, determined to beat us. But if you join us, then…”
Something broke in Nico’s chest as Will kept talking about the Apollo Cabin’s plan. Gods, it was so stupid that he was disappointed that Will didn’t compliment his smile again. It’s not like Will owed him anything. It’s not like this version, the real version, of Will was even the one who said it in the first place. It was Dream Will who liked his smile, who actually loved Nico back.
But, still, the sharp reminder of his unrequited crush stabbed at the butterflies in his stomach. It was better with Percy, Nico thought. Percy was straight, Percy had a girlfriend, Percy was so high up his heroic pedestal that Nico never even had a shot. But Nico did have a chance with Will. Will was bi, Will was his friend. They could be dating, if Will liked Nico back.
But Will didn’t feel anything beyond friendship– if he even felt that, whispered a dark, quiet voice in the back of Nico’s brain, the same one that laughed the day Jason said he was leaving for New Rome– and all Nico had was dreams.
“So?” Will finished. “Are you playing Capture the Flag tonight?”
Nico hesitated, the lukewarm eggs tasting like bitter ash in his mouth. Agreeing with Will’s plan meant another night of hopeless pining and butterflies dying in his stomach and feeling too much when Will touched his hand or looked at him for a beat longer than normal. Staying in his Cabin meant sleeping, which meant meeting Dream Will by the lake and letting him kiss away his scars and nightmares.
“I’ll let you know,” Nico found himself replying. “I might be too tired tonight.”
He pretended not to see the way Will’s face fell.
When Nico inevitably woke up from his dreams, it was to a cold, drafty room, and the heavy, icy feeling of the pendant on his chest, resting right above his heart. He pulled his blankets up around him, trying to hold onto the feeling of Will’s arms around him.
The next few weeks held the best sleep Nico’s ever had in his life, which meant that it was even harder to wake up in the morning to a world where everyone was scared of him and Will was just his friend. The gold pendant laid on his bed every afternoon, basically taunting him, calling him away to a world of sleep where everything was simple and beautiful. He didn’t want to sleep. Will would probably agree with Nico that sleeping too much wasn’t good.
Will would probably say that he was withdrawing too much. He hadn’t even gone to dinner last night, skipping it in favor of sleeping. He picked up a drachma, flipping it in the air. Okay, maybe he could give Will an excuse. He had to IM Jason. Jason had promised they’d talk, anyway. Maybe he and Jason could talk about this– the pendant, Dream Will, how nice it was to sleep without nightmares. He slipped it on, fingers tangling up in the gold chain as if on instinct.
Nico snorted fondly at the idea of trying to explain all this to Jason. Jason’s overprotectiveness sometimes put Will’s to shame. If he knew Nico was withdrawing from Camp, he’d probably march right down and grab Nico’s wrists and drag him out of his Cabin.
“Jason Grace,” Nico heard himself saying, tossing the coin into the fountain.
Jason appeared in the water spray, looking more confident and happy than Nico had ever seen him. The move to New Rome clearly did him go; it almost made Nico feel guilty for ever wishing Jason had stayed.
“Oh, hey, Nico! How’s it going!” Jason exclaimed.
“Good,” Nico lied through his teeth. “Clovis gave me this pendant that makes my nightmares go away, and–”
Jason’s attention was snatched away by a faint voice somewhere Nico couldn’t see.
“That’s good, I’m glad. How’s camp?”
“It’s fine, I–”
“Look, I’m really sorry, Nico, but I’ve got to go. I can talk to you tomorrow, okay?” With an apologetic smile directed at Nico and a glance to whoever was off-screen, Jason ended the IM.
Right. Of course he was sorry. Nico fell onto his bed, staring at the space where Jason’s picture used to be. Sure, Jason had promised that he and Nico could talk even when Jason was in California. But it wasn’t like Jason could just drop everything when Nico needed someone to talk to. Jason had his own duties. He didn’t have time for Nico to be his burden anymore.
Nico fiddled with the gold pendant around his neck. He barely took it off anymore. He liked the presence of it, a weight around his neck, keeping him grounded, reminding him that there was always at least one way out.
Nico distantly wondered if he could make a Dream Jason appear, too. If Dream Will could appear, why not? Why not have Dream Hazel and Dream Bianca and Dream Camp Half-Blood, where no one was afraid of him? Where he was just Nico, not the son of Hades, not the emo loner kid who you can’t be too mean to unless he cracks the dining pavilion again.
Wouldn’t that be so nice? To be away from all the pain and sadness and baggage of the world? Trade away misery in exchange for a dreamworld that Nico could twist to his wishes?
If Nico was in a dreamworld, he wouldn’t be a burden to anyone. He wouldn’t have nightmares that drove him to pester Clovis and Will. He wouldn’t have to fight monsters attracted to his scent every time he went out in public. He wouldn’t try and call Jason while Jason was busy trying to focus on what was important to him. Hazel could move on without having to make sure her brother was happy enough. Will didn’t have to struggle to keep a patient alive when said patient could barely muster the strength to keep himself alive.
And Nico wouldn’t have to feel this crushing weight of loneliness, looking at where the IM used to be, too many thoughts in his head and nowhere to put them. He wouldn’t have to see the pitying look on Hazel’s face when he slides around the questions about how camp is and how many friends he’s made. He wouldn’t have to worry about the rejection Will would give him when Will found out about Nico’s feelings, the disgust clear on his face when he learned what Nico’s dreams were about.
A distant memory rose to the front of Nico’s mind, from when he was in the Casino. He’d been looking for Bianca (he was always trailing after her, getting in her way, no wonder she left, just like everyone always did–) when he’d seen two guys being playful– touching each other, smiling, standing close together. It’d made him feel something he didn’t know how to explain, watching them. He’d heard a snort from beside him, a whispered comment– it’d be better for everyone if they took that somewhere private, where no one could see them.
They were gay, like Nico. Maybe Nico should go somewhere private, his own little bubble of happiness, where no one would have to take care of him or even see him again. He could just sleep in his little dreamland forever, happy, no longer a burden to anyone.
He closed his eyes, fingers tangled in the freezing cold chain of the pendant, leaning back against the wall. Yes, that was a nice thought. Sleeping forever. Spending the rest of his life happy.
What would it feel like, to slip away and never wake up in the morning? Nico had spent so much of his life running, fighting, being scared. Just… sleeping would be so much easier.
A weird sense of peace settled over his chest. This would all be over soon.
He was jolted out of his thoughts by a knock at his door. He stood up like he was in a daze, opening the door.
“Will?” Nico croaked.
It was so, so stupid that Will looked like that. Because he looked exactly like the Will Nico had met in his dreams. The silvery moonlight turned his blonde hair into a fluffy halo, the stars reflected and sparkled in his eyes. Gods, Nico could’ve sworn that Will was even wearing the same sweatshirt, which smelled slightly woodsy and smoky from the campfire.
“You missed the campfire,” Will said, slightly breathless, as if he’d just ran here.
Nico’s heart fluttered as he registered that Will probably did run. To Nico. Nico didn’t deserve that much effort. When was Will going to realize that he was just wasting his time?
“I was tired,” Nico replied, the premade excuse slipping easily from his tongue.
“You missed dinner, too,” Will said. He pushed something towards Nico, something red. “For you.”
Nico took the box, and it took him a minute to register in the darkness. It was…a Happy Meal. From McDonald’s. He looked back up at Will.
“What’s this for? I thought you said these weren’t healthy.”
Will laughed nervously. “I’d rather you eat chicken nuggets than nothing at all, di Angelo.”
Of course. The little bubble of hope in Nico’s chest burst. This wasn’t Dream Will, no matter how much they looked the same. This was real Will, who saw him as a friend and a patient, who needed to be taken care of. The same Will Nico was running from.
A patient…the sour taste of guilt filled Nico’s mouth. Will didn’t like losing patients. If Will knocked on the Hades Cabin’s door and Nico never answered, what would he think? That he had failed Nico? That it was all Will’s fault?
Nico couldn’t let that happen. Will didn’t deserve another death on his conscience. Gods, how selfish was he, almost going through with it? No wonder everyone kept leaving him behind, when all he ever did was think about himself.
“Can I come in?” Will asked.
Nico nodded, opening the door to the Hades Cabin and allowing Will inside. Will flicked on the light and Nico did his best not to wince at the sudden brightness. Nico sat down on his bed, the Happy Meal warm in his hands. It smelled…good. And he really had missed dinner. And it would make Will happy, if he pretended like he was still okay.
He opened the box tentatively, taking a small bite of the chicken nugget. There was a hint of a smile on Will’s lips, but it warmed him more than the lingering lukewarmness of the food ever could.
“Is everything okay?” Will asked.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Nico asked, in a clipped voice.
Will had dealt with enough problems, he didn’t need Nico confessing that he’d been basically violating Will in his dreams.
“You know, Chiron and I have been looking into…something. Not just for you, but I think it’d be good for you.”
Nico had to swallow back a protest. Let Will think he could help. It wouldn’t matter, but maybe it would make Will feel better.
“What is it?”
“I just– I know you think you’re a burden, Nico, but you’re not. I want to help you. A lot of people do. Even if they don’t say it, we– I want you to be okay, and if you don’t…if you don’t feel comfortable talking to me about this, then you should still have someone–”
“Where are you going with this, Solace?”
“Have you ever considered therapy?” Will asked. Nico raised an eyebrow, and Will must’ve realized the implication in his words, because he blushed and stammered, “I don’t mean it like that . I just mean– well, you’ve fought in two wars, plus all the other shit you've survived…I just thought you could talk to someone, a professional, not just another traumatized teenager. Especially now that your nightmares are getting worse.”
“What makes you think my nightmares are getting worse?” Nico snorted. If anything, the opposite was true. While it was sweet that Will wanted him to get help, it still didn’t seem worth being here. No amount of therapy could lift the crushing weight of fear and anxiety and loneliness off his chest.
“Even Mr. D noticed that you’re withdrawing more than normal. And…you don’t smile anymore,” Will said, looking away, a faint pink tinge on his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck shyly, before quietly admitting, “I like your smile. It’s…pretty.”
Nico’s throat went dry. That was…he swallowed, eyes wide. That’s what Dream Will said to him. “Like…” Gods, he hoped this didn’t backfire on him, “...the sun coming out from behind a cloud?”
It was almost comical, how quickly Will’s eyes widened. His mouth fell open. “You– that was you? Really you?”
“I thought it was just a dream,” Nico said. “The lake by your mom’s house in Austin, that was supposed to be a dream.”
“I think it was a dream,” Will said, slightly breathless. “Just a shared one, if that’s even possible. Maybe they were all shared ones.”
Nico stood up, moving towards Will like some invisible attraction was pulling them closer.
“But if that was a dream,” Nico started, gazing into the soft blue depths of Will’s eyes, not wanting to even ask just in case he was reading everything completely wrong.
“I meant what I said, if that’s what you’re wondering. You can kiss me anytime you want to.”
And Nico did want to. He wasn’t sure who leaned in first, him or Will. But one minute they were gazing into each other’s eyes and the next they were kissing, and oh, it was so much better than the dream, so much more perfect, because this was actually real. It was over far too quickly, but the idea that Nico could do it again and again and again was simply intoxicating.
“What are you thinking?” Will asked, slightly breathy, eyes focused on Nico’s lips.
Nico huffed a laugh. He’d almost– he’d almost missed this, his dream coming true right before his eyes. Why did he ever even think that? His life had been happy before. He could make it happy again. Wasn’t this moment, all the happiness and warmth rising in his chest, worth the pain?
Nico didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to sleep forever. He wanted to keep living.
“I’m thinking I need to go to therapy,” Nico said, laying his head on Will’s shoulder.
"Therapy is good," Will said softly. "Do you want me to stay the night? We don't have to talk if you don't want to, but--"
"I do want to," Nico said quickly, shutting his eyes before tears could escape, hoping Will didn't notice the way his voice cracked.
"Then I'll listen. I'm not going anywhere, Nico. Promise."
Will’s arms came up to hug him, warm and soft and perfect, and distantly, Nico decided he should probably give the pendant back. He didn’t need it anymore, now that he had his nightlight with him. Real Will was much, much better than Dream Will.