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If Atsushi Nakajima was in love, that was nobody's business.
The bloody flowers lying on his bathroom floor were nothing that should matter to anyone else, even if those flowers meant so much more than just love.
Atsushi stared wide eyed at them and slowly kneeled down, taking one in between his fingers and eyeing it with a heavy chest.
Without thinking, he quietly placed the flower under the sink and watched the blood slowly fade away and mix with the flowing water, leaving behind just a small white flower.
Atsushi stared at it and laughed bitterly, closing his eyes. "So that's how it is...?" he murmured, raising his arm and cleaning the blood on the corner of his mouth.
He hated how he knew immediately of whom, though. The way his mind immediately thought of black abysmal eyes and a facade of rage that only hid something else behind it... someone else.
Atsushi Nakajima was in love with his casual partner and previous mortal enemy Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, the white and turned red petals were nothing but proof of it.
And that love...?
It was going to kill him.
Atsushi couldn't even bring himself to panic about his now imminent death. Hanahaki disease wasn't an ability anymore, even if it had originated from one at first. It was impossible to avoid, and it could not be erased even with Dazai's No Longer Human or with Yosano's Thou Shall Not Die.
It was surprisingly simple, too. Born from the jealousy of a young woman who cursed those who loved her husband with death. Or at least that's what the legend says, at least. Even so, not all that loved dearly and sincerely developed Hanahaki, you had to be extremely unlucky.
It seemed somewhat fitting; he thought as he quietly swallowed back a cough and tried his best to focus on the screen in front of him. In the end he was destined to die a pitiful and imminent death, all because he was greedy enough to desire even more.
Because at some point he began to dare and ask for more. More than just his newly found family and their acceptance, more than just his freedom and control over his own life; more than all of those.
He began asking for love. For someone to notice him and pay any kind of attention to him. Began worrying about his appearance and about his behavior, wondering if there was even the slightest chance that...
Atsushi closed his eyes, his head starting to ache.
Of course not, there was no such chance. Destiny had said so, mocking him with a knowing and cruel smile.
"Atsushi, are you not feeling alright?" A voice interrupted him from behind. Atsushi jumped in place and turned his head, being met with Kunikida's raised eyebrow and tilted head; he laughed softly.
"U-Uh, n-no everything is alright," Atsushi lied with a smile that he hoped looked legit. "I was just... thinking..."
Kunikida didn't look convinced and he took a step forward, rapidly placing the back of his palm on top of Atsushi's forehead, who's eyes widened and leaned back, trying to get away from the touch to no avail.
"You might have a little bit of fever," Kunikida said, quickly taking out his notebook and writing something on it (probably Atsushi's fever, considering all kinds of common occurrences the man wrote). "Go to Yosano-sensei's office, ask her for some medicine."
"I-I'm fine I swear-"
Kunikida interrupted him by shaking his head. "I refuse to believe excuses. Working while sick will only hindrance our schedule, get better and then get back to work." Kunikida insisted, closing his eyes and putting his notebook away. Atsushi blinked a couple of times and then forced a smile, nodding slowly a couple of times.
"Y...Yeah...! You're right, ha ha..." he spoke, standing up and walking to the nursery with his head low, knowing that Kunikida's stern gaze was following his every step.
"Oi, Atsushi-kun...!" Another voice interrupted his walk. Atsushi froze in place and felt chills run down his spine, turning around while his blood ran cold.
Ranpo was looking right at him, leaning forward in his desk and looking at Atsushi with wide eyes, looking equally as surprised and serious.
Atsushi immediately noticed how he was wearing his glasses.
Atsushi's heart dropped as he gave his superior a panicked look. His head was screaming to escape, run as fast as he could and die somewhere really far away from this place, covered in the blood and flowers born from his own body. However, his body petrified and he couldn't move a single millimeter, his heartbeat rate was loud on his ears while his breathing only got faster.
Ranpo pursed his lips. Atsushi barely processed Kunikida asking something from behind him, but he could focus on anything other than Ranpo. Ranpo the smartest detective on the Agency, the one that knew—
"So that's it..." Ranpo spoke, Atsushi looked at him, silently begging him. Don't say anything...
For once, Ranpo looked somewhat troubled, as he closed and opened his mouth without any real words coming out of it. Kunikida took a step towards them.
"Ranpo-san, is everything alright?" he asked, even Tanizaki and Haruno—the other who were present in the room—had stopped what they were doing and quietly looked at the detectives, curious about what was happening.
Ranpo didn't break eye contact with Atsushi, trying to find any clue to the situation, anything that would make this any easier—
Ranpo sighed. "You have to do something about it..." he muttered, taking off his glasses and placing them down beside him.
"About what?"
"Is anything wrong?"
"Atsushi-kun, are you okay? You are looking very pale..."
Atsushi blinked rapidly and looked around, suddenly hyper focused on everything around him, knowing the exact expression of worry that everyone around him had. "I-I'm fine..." he insisted silently, not being able to find his voice to talk louder.
"You're going to die." Ranpo spoke. Everyone in the room stayed quiet, and before they could start questioning Atsushi on what was going on, the rookie detective was already running out the door, putting both of his hands above his ears while trying to silence the calls for his name behind him.
He ran as fast as he could, his breath getting heavier with every step and he could feel his throat aching as if it was being torn apart from the inside.
(Reality was not much different, he supposes...)
It ached. He wanted to scratch his skin away and ripped off his lungs, getting rid of every single flower inside of him that were slowly weakening his body, finding a way to rot him from the inside.
Atsushi didn't know where he was or how long ago he'd left the Agency, but he was near the shore when he kneeled down and started coughing violently, closing his eyes while tears forced their way down his cheeks.
He coughed for a few minutes, and every time a bloody flower was coughed out, he could swear he felt his lungs dying slowly, a piece of him also falling to the ground next to each petal.
He finally sat down and threw his entire body back, lying down in the sand and sobbing quietly. His entire body burned and he could still feel more flowers down his throat, and the thought of coughing them out made him let out a louder sob, crying out softly.
It was ridiculous how much he was suffering for something he could quickly rid, too. Atsushi could easily talk about it with his friends, and they would with no doubt help him get the operation. It would be unbelievably easy.
It made him have even more reason to feel like an idiot whenever he suppressed a cough or swallowed saliva while trying to ease the pain of his hurt throat. Because it was an easy fix.
The operation would get rid of so many problems, too. Atsushi would not only be released from the flowers inside his lungs that were slowly killing him, but he would also be saved from his stupid, impossible and ridiculous love.
Because he would no longer feel any kind of tenderness towards Akutagawa, every single feeling towards him would be deleted and it would leave only a soothing indifference towards him.
Atsushi would no longer smile to himself whenever he fantasized with Akutagawa's eyes and petty yet amusing comments, he would no longer feel nervousness whenever Akutagawa got closer to him and would whisper on his ear whenever their mission required them to be silent; Atsushi's heart would no longer beat for him.
The thought sounded so... discomforting.
As much as he hated to admit it, being in love was probably the best thing that had happened to him. Atsushi had come from a place devoid of love and one where he wasn't even allowed to have his own possessions, but his heart and his love... that was the first thing he could call his.
His love... the small gestures and looks he could give Akutagawa or the quiet conversations they maintained when nobody was around... no one could ever claim or steal that. It was completely and utterly Atsushi's.
And as much as he loathes it, the flowers were also his. Each that bloomed inside his lungs were as much proof of his love as of his death.
Somewhat poetic, a bit miserable and maybe a bit regretful but Atsushi just wasn't ready to give that kind of love up.
"Am I going to die for it...?" Atsushi asked quietly with raspy voice, tears still falling down his eyes as he curled up quietly, forcing himself to silence his sobs.
The sudden ring of his phone interrupted his thoughts, and he slowly opened his eyes, reaching for his pocket and opening his phone, not bothering on answering with his voice, just quietly listening as he tried to keep his sobs quiet.
"Hello...?" The voice on the other side doubtfully spoke. Atsushi opened his eyes wide when he recognized the voice. Dazai. "Are you there, Atsushi-kun?"
Atsushi raised his gaze and looked at the sky with squinted eyes. Dazai, the one who had saved him from dying was now calling him. He pursed his lips and took a deep breath, if he decides to keep his feelings for Akutagawa, would that anger Dazai? It would be just like betraying him, and after everything he'd done for him...
"Atsushi-kun...?" Dazai repeated hoping for an answer, but Atsushi couldn't find the words, and only stayed quiet. Dazai sighed. "Well, whatever, I hope you're listening..."
He was, he was, he was...
"Y'know, everyone is worry sick about you! Ranpo-san hasn't told anyone, but after Kunikida-kun told me how you were acting... Well, I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on, I believe..." he continued. Atsushi's swallowed nervously.
He couldn't hide anything from Dazai, he knew what was going on with him and there was no way he would keep it a secret-—
Everyone would know.
"I don't know everything like Ranpo-san does, though... Mind speaking to me? Even if it's just a word..." Dazai continued. "Y'know, Kyoka is pretty worried too..."
Atsushi tightened his grip on his phone nervously. "H-Hi, Dazai-san..." he greeted quietly, his voice still raspy and hoarse. If he didn't know better, he would say that he heard a small relief sigh.
"It's good to hear your voice...! You're super lucky, you know that?" Dazai talked, sounding more cheerful than before. Atsushi could easily imagine his expression while talking. "Death sounds sooo tempting~~"
Atsushi listened, not surprised about Dazai's reaction and couldn't even find it in himself to get angry or feel even the slightest bit offended by his words, this was Dazai, after all.
"Although... Hanahaki isn't exactly the 'painless death' of my dreams, but if that's what you want then you have my full support...!" Dazai continued rambling while Atsushi just listened, slowly feeling the itchiness of his throat getting stronger as he painfully anticipated another cough attack.
Dazai stopped for a second and took a deep breath, before speaking in a voice that sounded more serious than the one before, "So... is this what you want...?" he asked, Atsushi opened his eyes wide.
"I... don't know... Am I selfish for desiring both?"
Dazai hummed. "Desire is a normal human experience, I wouldn't call it selfish... maybe greedy..." he replied.
Atsushi couldn't help but to laugh bitterly. "Do you know who it is...?"
He stayed quiet for a few seconds, before sighing. "Yeah..."
"Hah..." Atsushi murmured, not surprised and without the energy to even try to deny it, only accepting it silently. "Well, what do you think?"
"...I don't know, really," Dazai sighed, regretful. "I've never been good trying to understand human emotions..."
Atsushi listened to the quietness that settled in the line for a few seconds while holding his breath, forcing himself to close his phone and put it inside his pocket, cutting the call without saying as much as a goodbye.
He stared at his phone for a few seconds with pursed lips, and then put it inside his pocket, pathetically hoping for it to ring and have Dazai on the other line giving him the answer like this was some kind of riddle. It didn't.
Atsushi slowly sat down and started coughing again, violently forcing flowers out of his respiratory system. It was almost funny how stupid he felt every time a petal touched the ground. If he was going to die anyway, wouldn't be easier to kill himself in a less-violent manner?
There were so many different ways for him to die that would be less torturous, less... painful, but even so Atsushi could not bring himself to stop Hanahaki. To die by the hand of his love.
He was so distracted by his own aching and hurting throat that he didn't notice hurried steps running towards him, fast. They weren't even trying to be silent while approaching him, but Atsushi could not focus on anything else other than trying to sooth his hoarse throat.
Atsushi had his back turned away from the steps as he gagged harshly with his eyes closed. The flowers had stopped coming out of his throat, but his throat still felt like it was tearing from the inside. He jumped in place when a hand suddenly touched his shoulder and the flowers suddenly felt bigger and harder to keep inside his system while every petal pressed inside his neck.
"Shit..." Atsushi murmured without turning around, immediately assuming it was someone from the agency who would force him to have the surgery.
He closed his eyes, defeated, and quietly turned around, raising his arm to clean the blood of his lips, the inside of his mouth tasting like metal.
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone but—" Atsushi started, interrupting himself immediately when he opened his eyes and finally stared at the person in front of him.
Dark eyes and black hair with white front strands. Unbelievably recognizable victorian clothes with a long, modern coat on top of them. Akutagawa Ryuunosuke was standing in front of him, looking, for once, surprised with his eyes wide and mouth open.
"A-Aku...tagawa...?" Atsushi mouthed silently and confused.
Akutagawa seemed to have forgotten about Atsushi's presence (even if he was right in front of him) and instead, his entire attention was on the mountain of flowers and blood behind him, looking at it with an indescribable expression.
"W-What are you doing here...?" Atsushi struggled to ask, every word aching more than the last.
This was just a joke played by the universe, it had to be.
Or maybe... a blessing? Maybe this was the final time he would see Akutagawa in his life. With no one around nor in the middle of a mission when they had more things to worry about, this was probably the last time Atsushi would have any time to spent with him before Akutagawa decided he was tired of his presence and left him.
However, Akutagawa had yet to look at him, his eyes focused behind him.
"Is that...?" he started quietly, not looking at Atsushi in the eye, who softly shrugged.
"Hanahaki... pretty bad, too, right?" Atsushi asked, looking back with pursed lips at the pile of white bloody flowers lying behind him, frustrated at his body own inability to survive.
Akutagawa swallowed saliva. "A detective call me, saying I would find you here..." he explained, quietly sitting on the sand besides Atsushi, also giving his back to the flowers behind him. "I didn't expect—"
"To find me dying?" Atsushi interrupted him before laughing bitterly. This was Ranpo's doing, probably in a way to either force him to confess or give him one last moment of fake happiness next to Akutagawa.
Akutagawa stared at him for a few seconds and nodded softly.
"When are you getting the surgery?" Akutagawa asked, turning his head and staring at the vast sea before them, the cargo ships leaving the docks only reminding him of one of their many fights. At that time, they couldn't even stand the sight of the other, to the point that if Akutagawa were to die by his hand, Atsushi would've not cared.
That seemed a lifetime ago.
Atsushi hummed, his hurting throat soothing a little with the thought of Akutagawa being even the slightest bit worried. If he really was, or if it was just Atsushi lying to himself to make him feel better, he doesn't know... He doesn't think he wants to know.
"I'm not..." Atsushi muttered honestly, avoiding his gaze.
Akutagawa turned his head to the side immediately and frowned. "What do you mean you're not? Are you planning on dying?" He asked, his voice louder with every word like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
Atsushi huffed. "Don't say it like that...."
"Well, that's it, right? Not getting the surgery equals dying, not even you are that idiotic..." Akutagawa spoke harshly, sounding angry. Atsushi swallowed saliva.
"I'm not expecting you to understand..." he murmured. Akutagawa scoffed and rested his head on his hand, looking away.
"You're so fucking stupid, I can’t believe it..." Akutagawa insulted him with his voice trembling slightly from what Atsushi assumed was rage. "Dying for... for what? For some love you claim to have? What a foolish way to die. Get the surgery, save yourself and everyone around you the hassle."
Atsushi felt his chest tighten and he had to stop himself from sobbing right there. He was so angry at Akutagawa right now. Why was he so insensitive? How dare he insult Atsushi's love when it was so sincere that he was ready to die for it at any given time? How was he being such a dick when all this time Atsushi has been suffering for him?
He sniffled quietly. "You don't understand a single thing..." Atsushi murmured, but Akutagawa only grunted.
"Oh, really? I think I've begun to comprehend how much of a moron you are." Akutagawa's continued, gritting his teeth. If Atsushi had been paying more attention, he would’ve noticed the way Akutagawa's eyes seemed to slowly get watery as he bit his lower lip. "How can you—?"
"—You don't!" Atsushi snapped, interrupting him, tears rapidly running down his cheeks and not looking like they were going to stop. "You can never understand how much love this person...! Even if I know that they'll never love me back, how can make the choice to simply rip off my feelings for them?! You can never understand that...! You who are too much of an asshole to even try to sympathize...!"
Akutagawa widened his eyes and rapidly grabbed Atsushi's shirt, pulling him closer while looking at him with an enraged look in his eyes that made Atsushi swallowed saliva.
"'I don't understand'?" Akutagawa hissed, tightening his grip on Atsushi's collar. "You think I don't understand desiring someone so much you would die? Forcing yourself to forget about them because it was impossible from the get-go?" he continued, closing his eyes tightly.
"I—"
"Every day distracting yourself, hoping to forget about them for just a moment, but for their image to be present every time you close your eyes... I know about it. I know about it better than anyone else."
Atsushi frowned and also raised his hands, grabbing Akutagawa's coat in return and shaking him. "This isn't about you and Dazai-san...!" Atsushi screamed, frustrated with Akutagawa's words.
"Dazai-sa—"
"It's always like this with you! I try to say something and it always has to go back to Dazai-san..!" he complained, forcefully ignoring his hurting heart. Atsushi let go of his coat and threw a weak punch, allowing his fist to stay on Akutagawa's chest for a few moments. "It's always about Dazai-san..." Atsushi muttered, looking down and biting his lip.
"Listen—"
But Atsushi could not. It hurt how little he mattered to Akutagawa. Was this maybe the reason why Ranpo had sent him here? For Atsushi to see how impossible and stupid his love was in the first place?
Atsushi knew how moronic was in the first place, too. To fall in love with a member of the Port Mafia... What was he thinking?
Yet... how could he let go? He couldn't... He simply couldn't...
"I'm dying, Akutagawa," Atsushi interrupted, pursing his lips. "I can't believe you're only thinking about Dazai-san..."
"This isn't about Dazai-san!" Akutagawa yelled back, throwing his head back and closing his eyes forcefully, looking tired. "What I feel for Dazai-san is nothing like love...!"
"Then—!"
"I'm in love with you, you fucking idiot!" Akutagawa interrupted him loudly, furious. "I can't even bare to look at you right now, suffering for some bastard that won't even bother with you! It's simply pathetic!"
Atsushi's eyes widened and he raised his hand, covering his mouth lightly. Tears had yet to stop and he subconsciously let out a sob.
"W-Wait-"
"And now you're planning on dying!" Akutagawa continued, his own eyes threatening to let out tears. "I...!" Akutagawa interrupted himself, looking away and sniffing softly, biting his lower lip to stop a sob.
Akutagawa rapidly stood up and turned around, not bothering on even looking at Atsushi.
"W-Wait, Akutagawa, please just—"
Atsushi was interrupted by Akutagawa stopping abruptly. "Whoever you're planning to die for..." Akutagawa muttered quietly with his back turned to Atsushi, who was now helplessly sobbing. "I hope they're worth it..." he ended, and before Atsushi could even call his name, he was gone, leaving Atsushi alone with his tears, as he cried softly and fell to the ground, not finding the energy to stand up as he quietly coughed up another flower.
Atsushi didn't understand anything now. If Akutagawa liked him, then why hadn't the Hanahaki stopped?
"It's probably a limitation," Dazai had theorized when Atsushi asked about it. "After all, it was born from an ability."
"But what should I do?"
"Tell Akutagawa-kun how you feel... Your unrequited love won't be so unrequited then, right?"
Atsushi sighed softly as he turned in his futon. Easier said than done, he thought. Akutagawa had yet to pick up his calls and he was avoiding even Dazai's calls. He seemed determined to let Atsushi die without seeing him again.
It seemed like he wasn't as ready to die as he had thought so previously. Now that there was hope of his survival, he was pathetically chasing after it.
Atsushi turned again and frowned, feeling his throat ache. He quietly stood up and left his apartment, careful to not wake up Kyoka who was completely asleep, snoring softly.
He gave her a soft smile before grabbing a coat and closing the door behind him as he started walking away, the bright lights of the city only being outshined by the full moon.
He had started to feel the effects of hanahaki on his own body, the way the flowers were taking over and slowly suffocating him while forcing themselves onto his lungs.
It was harder to do any type of physical work and he couldn't walk for long. His arms and legs hurt with every movement, as if the stems had grown and attached themselves in his bones and muscles.
(Maybe they had. Every case of hanahaki is different, after all.)
Yet, he kept working, forcing himself to finish cases and fights without allowing him to take breaks, overworking his body and feeling overall horrible.
But he couldn't stop, not when knew that he was dying for nothing. When Akutagawa had said that he loved him back, it like a slap in the face. He was, obviously, in awed, completely thankful that Akutagawa would even look at him enough to consider him lovable, yet, the situation was now only laughable and ironic. Dying for absolutely nothing. Working himself was a simple way of denial, showing to others that he was not dying, even if the flowers he coughed out proved otherwise.
The night was chilly, which only made his throat itchier and more uncomfortable, but he swallowed every cough as he felt his entire body hurt from keeping the flowers inside, slowly taking its toll on his body, as he was sure that he would die soon.
He placed both of his hands inside his coat and shivered softly, trying to keep his body temperature as high as possible.
Atsushi walked quietly through the busy city, passing by some restaurants and bars, keeping his eyes ahead while focusing on not coughing, grimacing softly whenever a cold breeze hit his skin.
He returned to the place near the shore when Akutagawa had confessed to him and sat down on the same exact spot, hugging his knees closer to his chest and looking out the sea.
He quietly took out his phone and checked the hour. Past midnight, Akutagawa was probably asleep. He still opened his contacts and stared for a few moments as his number, pressing it softly and listening to it being ignored.
First ring... second... third... fourth... and even a fifth before Atsushi was sent to voice mail. He opened his mouth, hesitating for a second, before sighing and hanging up the call, with a frown.
"This isn't something I can say through a voice recording..." he murmured to himself in a soft whisper.
He called again just for the sake of it. Akutagawa still didn't answer.
"Hah..." Atsushi sighed, throwing himself back and lying down in the floor, staring at the sky with squinted eyes.
How long ago had he coughed out the first petal? A month ago? He must be reaching hanahaki's final stage by now. An entire bouquet of flowers will start choking him from the inside soon.
He shook his head quietly and placed his arm on top of his eyes, quietly allowing himself to sob. Atsushi knows that he must look pathetic, but what else can he do? His life was so worthless that even the universe decided to kill him off in a slow, painful and mostly useless death.
Every sob only increased the dryness inside his throat while he tasted blood inside his mouth. Akutagawa loved him, he tried to remind himself almost in a way to trick his body into stopping, Akutagawa said that he loved him... Then why wasn't he here? Why wasn't Akutagawa picking up any of his calls? Was this really love? Or was it just another pranked played by the gods?
Atsushi could not think straight right now, the pain and heaviness of his chest and body dulled his senses and made his mind fuzzy.
He wanted to see Akutagawa. He was dying to see him.
Atsushi slowly grabbed his phone again and clicked his number, placing it next to his ear as he sat down, determined to let Akutagawa know about it. Even if it was a joke, or even if it was all just a stupid hope in the middle of darkness, Atsushi wanted to cling to it, to at least try.
One ring... two rings... three... four... five...
"Hello? Who's this?" A voice on the other side spoke. A serious, female voice, not Akutagawa.
"U-Uh... Is Akutagawa there?" Atsushi asked with voice hoarse.
"Who's this? How do you know this number?" The voice insisted without bothering on answering Atsushi's question.
"My name is Atsushi and I really—"
"Jinko!" The voice interrupted him, surprised. The lack of professionalism and the reveal of the indivual's actual voice immediately allowed Atsushi to recognize the voice. Higuchi, Akutagawa's subordinate.
"Higuchi, I—"
"I-I've been told specifically to hang up whenever you called.... I..."
"No, listen, please..." Atsushi begged quietly, silently knowing that it was a vain effort; There was no way Higuchi would ever go against Akutagawa's orders.
"I'm... I'm not sure what's going on right now, but for Akutagawa-senpai to trust me with his phone... I-I demand you to explain what's going on right now...!"
Atsushi bit his lower lip and subconsciously shook his head. "I... I can't... but please, Higuchi, I really need to talk to him..."
Higuchi sighed on the other side of the line. "Akutagawa-senpai isn’t himself right now... He—" another sigh. "I believe he really wants to talk to you, Jinko..."
"Then why doesn't he answer...?" Atsushi muttered to himself, silently.
Higuchi sounded confused and maybe even slightly desperate. "I have to hang up... Those are my orders..."
"Higuchi, I swear to—"
"Come to the Port where the Moby Dick sank... I will make sure he's there." she spoke rapidly, and before Atsushi could ask anything or even reply, she had hung up.
Atsushi blinked slowly, before raising his hand and cleaning away the tears that threatened to come out of his eyes.
It took all of his energy to even try to stand up, his joints' pain only getting harder to stand every second and only standing on his two feet was a toll on his lungs, as he was already breathing heavy from just standing.
How far away from the port was he? He couldn't even try to think about the distance, his entire attention focused on taking a single step after another. It was hard. It was so, so unbelievable hard to even walk that Atsushi considered simply lying down in the floor of wherever he was.
Atsushi bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood.
My body doesn't hurt more than my lip, he tried to convinced himself, my lip hurts, it's the only part of my body that hurts.
A cold, cold breeze hit his skin and Atsushi shivered aggressively, unconsciously curling up while looking ahead. He tried to take another step, but he tripped and fell, feeling his bones shattering with the slightest bit of contact with the floor.
If anyone was around or if he was calling attention, he couldn't say. Atsushi gasped for air and rapidly placed both of his hands on the floor, using his entire strength to stand up while small tears ran down his eyes.
He was pathetic.
If only he had...
If only...
If only...
Atsushi's eyes widened when he recognized a silhouette in the distance. The man was looking at the sea with the frown, hugging what seemed to be a blanket in between his arms.
He opened his mouth, ready to call for him, but no voice came out. Atsushi could only let out a hoarse sound that sounded painfully similar to a wheeze, not enough to call for him.
Atsushi cried silently as he tried his best to pick up the pace, not knowing whether he really was or not. He opened his mouth again and mouthed his name in a silent sob.
Akutagawa didn't have supernatural hearing like him, nor did he have any kind of enhanced senses thanks to his ability. Yet, he still turned his head at the almost inaudible sound, eyes widening at the sight of Atsushi walking weakly towards him, mouthing his name.
Akutagawa froze in place and for a second Atsushi was sure that he would run away from here and leave him to die alone. But he didn't. Instead, Akutagawa hugged the blanket closer to himself and ran towards him, with an unreadable expression.
He stopped before Atsushi, who started crying the moment he was close enough to see him. Akutagawa was there, he had to tell him how he felt if he wanted to survive, but how was he supposed to stop the tears and sobs that barely even allowed him to breath?
"Weretiger..." Akutagawa murmured under his breath within eyebrows lowered. Atsushi felt his entire body heavy and before he said anything, his legs gave up on him.
Akutagawa was quick to catch him, and with his arms around him, the two of them sat down in the floor near the docks, Akutagawa rapidly wrapping his blanket on Atsushi's shoulders.
"I'm dying..." Atsushi mouthed, forcing himself closer so that Akutagawa could hear his silent words. "I need you..." he spoke, almost completely inaudible.
Akutagawa gasped silently and raised his eyes, shaking his head. "I can't save you, Atsushi." he spoke, his voice sounded full of regret when he said Atsushi's name. "I can't do anything for you."
Atsushi shook his head and raised his arm, hitting Akutagawa's chest softly while lowering his head. Not even himself knew what he was doing. He wasn't even mad at Akutagawa for not answering and he had to tell him how he felt... but the words just wouldn't come out. "Were you planning on allowing me to die without ever seeing you again?" Atsushi gasped, every word taking more effort to say than the last.
Akutagawa inhaled and looked away, sniffing softly. "What could I do? I'm scared to death of this... Is the first time I..." Akutagawa cut himself and shook his head. "I can't do this."
"Don't... go..." Atsushi begged, his voice hoarser and more silent by the second.
"I..." Akutagawa looked like he wanted to say many things, but he didn't. "Why are you here?" He asked instead in a bitter, sad tone of voice.
Atsushi opened his mouth to speak, but flowers obstructed his way. He tried but nothing came out and he looked at Akutagawa with wide eyes, scared.
"Weretiger...?"
I can’t speak, I can’t speak...!
Akutagawa noticed Atsushi's panic expression and before he could even think about it, he has grabbed him by his shoulders and held him closer in a hug, embracing his entire body.
Atsushi tried to sob, but he could only grab Akutagawa's shirt tighter, cleaning his tears on his shirt. Akutagawa looked at him for a few seconds with pursed lips and looked like he was going to says something.
Atsushi, however, leaned forward while gasping in pain, closing the distance between them and kissing him softly.
Atsushi pulled away almost immediately, his weakened body not being able to maintain the uncomfortable position for long but he stared at Akutagawa's unreadable expression, hoping silently that his intentions were clear.
"Y-You...?" Akutagawa muttered, not knowing how to continue. Atsushi would've laughed, but instead he only nodded softly.
Akutagawa stared at him dumbfounded for a few seconds, before leaning forward and once again, connecting their lips in a soft kiss.
Atsushi coughed softly while they were kissing, and Akutagawa slowly pulled away, holding a white petal in between his teeth, there was no visible blood.
Atsushi laughed, relieved and looked fondly at Akutagawa, who spat the petal besides him.
"It was me, then...?"
Atsushi nodded, his body feeling lighter with every second.
"Good... I wouldn't want it any other way." Akutagawa stated, looking relieved with every word.
Atsushi would've rolled his eyes and give him a snarly look for his egocentric comment, but before he could his lips had already been captured again by Akutagawa's, which, instead of the sickening iron flavor, tasted sweet and honey-like.
Atsushi blinked a couple of times and then closed his eyes, smiling through the kiss.
He could get used to this...