Work Text:
Onerous - ‘burdensome, oppressive, troublesome’
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Has it all…been worth it?
Though Katsum hated to admit it, this question had made her think. Especially with the fact that it had been Zenos of all people who had asked it. In the last tendrils of her fury in finally ending him, and in her heart bursting with hopeful adrenaline, she’d immediately responded yes, every moment of it. She still did answer yes…or so she thought she did.
There truly wasn't a worse place for her to think about such heavy things than a quiet room. The parlor was one such quiet space now, only the gentle crackling of the flaming fireplace and the patter of the heavy snowflakes hitting the windows outside. It was enough to keep the silence away, but not enough that her mind didn’t dive further into itself and go on a bit of a journey through memories.
From the day she was crowned queen to the day she defeated the Endsinger and taught her a song of hope, in the grand view of the entire journey itself, it had brought the world back from the brink of destruction over and over. No one could argue that, but what had it done for her specially? A journey is only as good as the good lessons and values it helps teach the traveler. Katsum knew this to be true.
And every question that sliver of doubt tried to whisper, she made sure she had an answer to.
You lost your family, your home. A castaway in a foreign land with nothing but a necklace…
How much she had grown from those days, that frightened and broken queen hiding behind a stoic mask. Back then she watched every person like they knew who she was and were just waiting for her to turn her back. She trained harder than any Gladiator did back then, fought like each battle was for survival. She'd been so tired, so anxious. Only when someone saw her behind the mask and saw the true heart of Katsum Almor did the mask begin to melt away. They had comforted her, accepted her, and reassured her of every insecurity and fear until there was no mask to hide behind anymore. She was just Katsum. The warm-hearted young queen whose smile was filled with hope and kindness and whose blade flashed with the fury of a dragon when protecting those she loved and cared about or anyone who could not protect themselves.
So many people asking for your help, but were they just using you?
No, not all. Of course, there had been some, but their true colors had been shown eventually. People and Eorzea and other adventurers alike. Yet she had found the Scions - or maybe they found her. Perhaps the first group to appear to be ‘taking advantage of her strength’ yes, but as time passed, they all grew together and became a kind of family in their own right. Had it not been for them, her journey would not have gone quite so far, maybe not even past the gates of Ul’dah. Not only the Scions but countless others she had met along the way, friends and allies from every corner of Etheirys that had shown they would drop everything to help if called upon. Whatever thought of being used there may have been at first, to have anyone repay the favor shows that they meant to repay her for all she’d done for them.
You spent so much of your time helping this land. What did you gain out of it?
A new home, a sense of duty, a new life to guide her from the shadows of her created self-guilt, and a chance to find her parents and her people who she had thought dead. If her journey never led her out from Ul’dah, what troubles would she have found herself in? What alleyways would she be seeking shelter in? What else would she be running from? She could not help but think that perhaps she would have died back then had her path not been paved the way it was, and she had the Savior to thank for that, for every step both peaceful and burdensome.
So many people fell by your hand, and so many lives were cut short. What of them? Were their lives worth ending?
This was the thought that made her heart drop, her tail falls limp and her ears fall against her head. If she could go back, she’d do whatever she could to save who she could. Some of those lives did not have to die. Some might have listened to reason had it been spoken or simply been put to sleep as they passed by. Yet still many others would have found such thinking shameful. Katsum understood loyalty to a fault well, and so she should not believe that some of those men and women on the battlefield would have stopped despite their homeland telling them to keep moving. Still more had believed their path the far more righteous one and would have never even entertained the idea of turning away from what they believed, from what the world had forged them to see in the chaos they had come from. She knew she couldn’t have saved everyone, no matter how much she wanted to, but she would always try.
The ones that had lost their lives in the battles with her had hurt even more so, or the lives she was too late to save. For some of them, she did not fully comprehend the loss at the time as her heart and soul had been so clouded with her fears and struggles that she could think of little else than just forging ahead, keep pushing forward. Now that she had come so far, she remembered them in prayer daily, thanking them for their sacrifices, and asking the Savior to make sure their place in heaven was always bright and beautiful. Their journeys had been cut short, and for better or worse, they had to go on and keep fighting the good fight. In the end, they had won those battles, but the losses still weighed heavy on her mind.
Will your journey…ever be over?
Why…why would she want it to be?
As a child, she’d dreamed of exploring the world beyond the shores of her home, of seeing the world her father spoke so fondly of in his adventures. She wanted to learn histories, and forgotten stories, and discover every hidden corner and cave this world had to offer. She’d dreamed of meeting a real dragon, like all the ones she’d read about in the kingdom’s stories, to fly on its back and see the world from above the very clouds. She was living those dreams today, soaring farther than she ever imagined. Why would she want this to end?
“Love? Are you still there?”
Katsum’s ears perked at the sweet alluring sound of her husband’s voice, and her heart leaped from its shadowy state, “Yes, I’m still here. Sorry, I was…lost in thought.”
Her ears caught the sound of his footsteps and turned back to the parlor door to watch as Aymeric entered carrying a happy baby blue wrapped in a light blue blanket. The elezen had the warmest, happiest smile on his face as he came around the couch quickly and sat beside her, sitting close enough for their bodies to be pressed close together and looked down at the baby while lifting him to show Katsum, “Now who’s that, Ruslan? Who’s that beautiful woman sitting there?”
Ruslan looked at Katsum and smiled and laughed, making her heart swell as she leaned her chin on Aymeric’s shoulder and cuddled close.
“I know, you are happy to see her, but who is she?” Aymeric asked again. Katsum blinked, no he hadn’t already…
“Aaa…aa…ma…ma…Mama…”
Katsum’s hand flew to her mouth as she felt a tear spring up in her eye. She smiled brightly as she reached out and gently tickled the little boy, “That’s right, Ruslan! You did it!”
“He surprised me just now upstairs as I was changing him with it and I could hardly wait to get back to you here and hope he’d say it again.’ Aymeric was grinning so warmly that Katsum couldn’t stop herself from moving up to kiss him.
“Thank you, Aymeric. Thank you so much…I love you so much,” Katsum cried softly, a tear of pure happiness sliding down her cheek before her husband caught it.
“I do believe that is my line, my sweet Katsum,” He chuckled, gently setting the giggling baby in her arms before pulling them both into his lap and wrapping his arms snuggly around Katsum’s waist and pressing a kiss to her temple, “And I love you so very much as well. By the Fury, I love you both so much.”
Katsum kissed Ruslan’s forehead and snuggled back into her husband, content to stay here forever if she could.
Yes, it had ALL been worth it. Every struggle, every heartbreak, every failure, and scar. If it all lead here, to this moment, then it was worth it all.