Work Text:
It starts with a movie night.
It’s not anything abnormal- Christopher tucked between Eddie and Buck while some Disney movie plays on the TV and Eddie tries to force himself to watch the screen rather than Buck and his son. He usually gives up before the movie is halfway done and allows himself the small luxury of simply watching as his son drifts further from him and curls deeper into Buck’s side. You’d think Eddie would be jealous- plenty of parents would be at this implication that their child is choosing someone else over them. But- Eddie really can’t blame the kid. There’s been plenty of times that Eddie has been jealous, only it was over Christopher for being held so close by Buck. Mostly, though, Eddie just feels a nearly suffocating sense of love, blooming warm and fuzzy in his chest and spreading through his veins like liquid sunshine.
It’s become a regular occurrence the past few months, these movie nights. It started off mainly happening after particularly rough shifts, when both Buck and Eddie needed the specific sort of comfort that comes from being safe and together with the people they love.
The first time was really an accident- Buck had lost someone on call and Eddie didn’t feel right separating from him after their shift, so he insisted Buck come over to see Christopher and have dinner. Buck had tried to refuse, saying he wasn’t in the right headspace to be allowed around Eddie’s kid.
That idea- that Christopher would ever not be completely and wholly delighted and comforted to see Buck- shook Eddie to his core. It wasn’t that Buck didn’t think Eddie trusted him, no, it was that Buck didn’t trust himself . Eddie had set a firm hand on his shoulder, fingers drifting to direct Buck’s face towards his and looked him in the eye when he said, “That’s why you need to be around him. He loves you so much and he needs to see that sometimes you’re not always going to be alright, but that you’ll always be there .”
Buck had swallowed hard, nearly trembling under Eddie’s touch, and just nodded.
Christopher knew immediately that something was wrong, in the way that kids intuitively do, but Eddie could see that as soon as Buck entered the house, he seemed to lighten. When Christopher asked what was wrong, Buck had only smiled, swung him up into a bear hug, and shook his head, whispering, “Nothing now.”
Eddie thinks that’s the moment he realized that oh , he’s completely and entirely in love with Evan Buckley and, simultaneously, he is so fucked.
After dinner, Christopher had begged for them to watch a movie and neither Buck nor Eddie had the willpower to say no.
It became a fairly normal thing after that, movie nights after rough shifts or bad days. Now it’s pretty much weekly.
So, last night, several months after that initial movie night, Christopher had announced they were gonna watch Lilo and Stitch and, as per usual, Buck and Eddie were happy to let him take the lead. They had designated roles now: Christopher would choose and turn on the movie, Eddie would make the popcorn, and Buck would pull their two fuzzy blankets out of the drawer they were normally kept in. They’d convene in the living room five minutes later and set themselves up, Christopher settling in between the two men and the popcorn placed on his lap, the blankets beside Buck for later when they finished the popcorn and Christopher got tired and cuddly. (Buck also gets very affectionate when he’s tired but continues to stoutly deny it.)
Eddie was too tired last night to even pretend to watch the movie. He and Buck’s shift had taken a toll on them both and Buck was holding Christopher close, tilting his head down to rest his cheek against the top of Christopher’s head, his eyes closed for so long that Eddie thought he might’ve already fallen asleep not ten minutes into the movie. Then Christopher squirmed a little and Buck immediately shifted, giving the kid a bit more space and blinking as he focused on the screen. Eddie’s heart clenched as Christopher set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and brought his legs up, leaning against Buck.
Buck’s arm stretched out across the back of the couch, his fingertips brushing Eddie’s shoulder lightly to get his attention. Eddie swallowed hard, pulling his gaze off Christopher and lifting it to look at Buck. Buck’s eyebrows were scrunched in concern, his eyes burning into Eddie as he mouthed, You alright ?
Eddie smiled softly, lifting his own hand to squeeze Buck’s fingers- just a brief, casual movement- and nodding Yes . Because he always is, when he’s with Christopher and Buck. When he gets to fully see just how much Buck means to them both , how easily and seamlessly he fits into their lives. Sometimes it makes Eddie wonder if he could have more. His heart aches with it, every molecule of his being always yearning to be nearer Buck, in every way. But- no. What they have right now is good . It’s safe. It’s not worth risking.
“You guys aren’t even watching the movie,” Christopher complained suddenly, breaking the strange trance stretching between Buck and Eddie. They both laughed softly and muttered an apology, each turning their attention to the TV. Eddie didn’t even last a full ten minutes until his focus was drifting back to his boys.
When the movie ended and they were all cleaning up, Christopher stopped suddenly, a strange expression on his face as he stared at the DVD case. Eddie and Buck exchanged a glance, both frowning, and Eddie nodded for Buck to go ahead.
“Hey.” Buck squatted down beside Christopher, his voice gentle. “Everything alright, kiddo?”
Christopher hesitated a moment, brow pinched. Then he looked Buck dead in the eyes and asked, “Do you think Lilo missed her parents? Was it- was it wrong to replace them with Nani and David?”
Eddie and Buck each froze. Eddie felt almost as if he couldn’t breathe. This happens a lot, whenever the idea of Christopher losing him comes up. It makes Eddie panic like nearly nothing else, the idea that he could leave his child on his own. He wouldn’t be on his own , Eddie told himself. He’ll have Buck .
Buck, for his part, swallowed hard, set a hand on Christopher’s shoulder, and shook his head. “She didn’t replace them, buddy. They’re her parents. That’s not something replaceable. She just- built a new family. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I’m sure it’s what her parents would want.”
Christopher thought for a moment, then nodded. “Okay.”
And that was that.
-
The morning of their next shift, Buck walks into the loft and promptly flops himself onto the couch beside Eddie, announcing, “I did some research,” in lieu of a greeting.
“Morning to you too, Buck,” Hen says, not even looking up from her book. Chim, reading over her shoulder, raises a hand in greeting.
Eddie just raises an eyebrow as Buck shifts, lifting his feet and nudging Eddie’s wrist with the toe of his boot until Eddie lifts his arms, holding two cups of coffee, and Buck can stretch his legs across Eddie’s lap. Eddie passes Buck one of the mugs of coffee and Buck takes a long sip, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
“Okay, I’ll bite,” Eddie sighs after a couple moments, resting the hand not holding his own coffee on Buck’s ankle, slipping his fingers under the cuff and absentmindedly rubbing circles in Buck’s skin. “What did you research?” Chim and Hen exchange a glance and Hen sets her book down.
Buck’s face lights up and he reaches over to set his cup down on the table. “So remember how we watched Lilo and Stitch? Well Christopher’s question after- about replacing people- got me thinking. Because it was sorta unusual, the relationship David and Lilo had, y’know? Anyway- I got home and decided to look into Hawaiian culture a bit and I found this thing called Hānai family.”
“Oh wait, I think I’ve heard of that,” Ravi chimes in, walking over from the kitchen. He braces his forearms on the back of the couch, waiting for Buck to go on. They’ve all grown accustomed to letting Buck fully explain himself when he has a new interest.
“Yeah so basically it’s from when the Native Hawaiians all lived in villages together as like a super tight-knit community.” Buck always gets so animated when talking about something new he’s learned, talking with his hands and not breaking eye contact with Eddie, his eyes bright. “And like, they didn’t exactly have ways of working around stuff like infertility right? So sometimes families with lots of kids would allow another family to basically informally adopt one. It was called Hānai families because obviously the kids still knew their actual family, but they were raised by other people. So now it’s kinda just like an informal way of saying ‘adopted family.’ Like Lilo still had her sister, but David would be her Hānai brother, because he filled in a piece of her family. So Lilo wasn’t replacing her parents or anything, it was actually a part of her culture to expand what she perceives as her family after losing them.”
Eddie feels almost as if he can’t breathe. Because- what Buck just described, this whole concept of an informal adoption, of adding to a family even if it’s not official or bonded by blood or the law- isn’t that what he and Christopher have done with Buck? What Buck has done with them? He’s always said that Buck’s practically a member of their family but this- this idea of being family in every way but blood because they choose to- the implications have stolen Eddie’s breath and voice, left him numb as he holds onto Buck’s leg and stares at him.
“Isn’t that just so cool?” Buck finishes, grinning widely. And Eddie- Eddie can’t tell what Buck’s thinking. If Buck, in his research, stumbled across this epiphany as well.
“Super cool, Buck,” Hen finally answers, Eddie still unable to form a coherent response. Chim has his face buried in his hands, shaking his head and muttering to himself.
Buck’s face falls slightly as he looks at Eddie. “Eds?”
“It’s- it’s really interesting, Buck,” Eddie chokes out, forcing a smile and squeezing Buck’s ankle. “Chris’ll love hearing about it.”
Just like that, Buck’s grin is back. “You think?”
“Absolutely. Guess I know what tonight's dinner topic is,” he teases. Already, his forced smile is feeling easier and the suffocating weight clenching his chest is lifting. “Between the two of you yammering, I won’t get a word in edgewise.”
Buck reaches over, flicking at Eddie’s ear. “You love us, shut up.”
Eddie swats at him, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”
They sit there for a moment, just grinning at each other, and then the alarm bells go off and the moment is broken as they all groan and collectively get up.
Eddie swears he hears Ravi mutter a quiet, “Thank god.”
-
Eddie doesn’t realize that Buck telling Christopher about Hānai family might be a bad idea until they’re at the dinner table hours later and Christopher cocks his head, looks at Buck, and goes “Does that make you my Hānai family?”
Buck’s mouth drops open and his eyes snap to Eddie, a look of panic flashing across his face quickly. Eddie’s heart jumps to his throat and he freezes for the second time that day, staring at Buck. Christopher, for his part, looks between the two of them, a perplexed frown drawing his eyebrows together.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“N-no,” Eddie stammers out quickly, forcing himself to look at Christopher. “No, you- you’re right, Chris. He- he is like your Hānai family.” Eddie can hardly breathe as he says it, not even daring to spare a glance Buck’s way.
“That makes him yours too, Dad.”
Eddie is going to die. He’s gonna drop dead here and now from the sheer insanity of this conversation where his child is basically calling him out for baby trapping his best friend. He chokes on the words when he says, “Yeah. He is.”
“Chris,” Buck says slowly, his voice tight. “Didn’t you say you had that English presentation you wanted to practice on us?”
“Uh… yeah?” Christopher replies slowly, cocking his head.
“Why don’t you go get that?”
“Now? We’re having dinner.”
“Yeah, we could do dinner and a show,” Buck replies and Eddie can hear the smile in his voice without looking away from where he’s trying to bore holes into the table with his gaze.
“Okayyyyy,” he says uncertainly, but gets up nonetheless. Eddie waits with bated breath as the tell-tale clacking fades. His heart is racing in his chest and Jesus Christ , he might just have a panic attack right now if neither of them say something, because he cannot do this he can’t-
“You didn’t have to lie,” Buck says softly, pain sharp in his voice as it shakes. And- what ? Eddie jerks his head up, frowning in Buck’s direction.
“What do you- I didn’t-”
“I didn’t mean to put you in that position,” Buck rambles on, shaking his head, face buried in his hands. “I swear, I didn’t even think that he would- I didn’t- I never- god, fuck , I’m sorry Eddie, I seriosuly didn’t mean to-”
“Buck,” Eddie cuts him off sharply, reaching out and wrapping his fingers around Buck’s wrist, tugging his hand away from where it’s pressing into his skull. He slides his hand over to the junction where Buck’s shoulder meets his neck as he lowers his arm, looking at Eddie. His eyes are bright with guilt, his brows pinched together. Eddie’s only ever seen Buck look at him like this, with this raw vulnerability that makes Eddie’s heart twist and crack, a handful of times.
“I didn’t lie, Evan,” Eddie says, his voice softer. “You’re a part of this family, you have been for years. You’re probably the most reliable, stable relationship Chris has ever had.” Buck opens his mouth to protest, but Eddie raises a hand and he stops. “I’m here now, and he knows that. But I wasn’t when he was young, and then Shannon left, and then his grandparents. You’ve never left, Buck. You might not have realized it, but the second you told me about Hānai family, it clicked for me. It might not be blood, or legal, or anything like that, but you’re his family . My family.”
“Eddie…” Buck’s voice is barely above a whisper and his fingers twist together, his gaze ducking away. “I- Eddie, I can’t,” he finally manages. It hits Eddie like a punch directly through the heart and he sucks in a sharp breath.
“Oh.” Shakily, he pulls his hand away, tugging at the short strands of his own hair. “Okay.”
“No-” Buck reaches for Eddie’s arm, but Eddie instinctively pulls back. Hurt flashes across Buck’s expression as he shakes his head. “I don’t mean- I mean- you guys are my family, Eds but I can’t- I can’t do it- not like this.”
“The fuck does that even mean , Buck?” Eddie laughs incredulously, shaking his head and standing up, starting to pace. “You- you were just saying that-”
“I know,” Buck says quickly, standing up after him and stepping closer, reaching for him again. “I know and I mean it, every word, I just-”
“Just what , Evan?”
“I’m in love with you.” It comes out all at once, a jumble of words tripping over one another in such a way that Eddie’s not even sure he heard it correctly. He stops moving, staring at Buck.
His voice is hushed when he says, “You what?”
“God, Eddie, I’m sorry I’m so fucking sorry, but I can’t because it hurts way too fucking much to be yours and have you be mine but not in every way, I just- I fucking can’t because I think it would kill me Eds, I really do. You’re everything to me and I can’t fucking lose that, but I can’t- I can’t just pretend I don’t want more, not like this. I’m so in love with you that it’s actually tearing me apart and I thought it would be fine, but- you’re my family and so is Chris and I can’t fuck it up and I know, I just fucking know I will- hell, I might’ve already, but just-”
There’s something Eddie’s been wanting to do for a long time. Buck tends to ramble sometimes and years ago, Chim made some joke about needing a mute button for him. In response, Buck had just puckered his lips, grinned, and said “Come find it.”
So, Eddie does.
In the space of a breath, he’s crossed the small distance between him and Buck and grabbed either side of his face, pulling him in for a crushing kiss. Buck makes a small, shocked sound from the back of his throat, and Eddie momentarily panics. But then Buck’s fingers are on the back of his head, cradling his neck and tangling in the short hairs there, his other hand gripping Eddie’s arm as he kisses him back with the same desperation Eddie feels coursing through his own veins.
Eddie forces himself to slow them down, turning the kiss gentle and soft as he winds his fingers through Buck’s curls, soft and still slightly damp from his shower. They break apart after what feels like both an eternity and not nearly long enough, each breathing heavily as they press their foreheads together.
“For the record,” Eddie pants softly, “I love you too, you idiot.”
Buck lets out a breathless laugh, stroking his fingers down Eddie’s neck. “Good to know.”
“Took you long enough.” The two of them jerk apart from one another, simultaneously turning to stare at where Christopher stands in the doorway, watching them, “Now sit down and let me tell you about
Cyrano
.”