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It was The Day- The Day of all Days. The exhibition was upon Jekyll after months of preparation, and everything was perfect. The Lodgers had set up their shining glass cases and vibrant presentations in a neat and orderly fashion, everyone had their speeches memorized, and three copies of each set of flashcards were printed out just in case the absolute worst scenario were to occur. The refreshments were laid out in a glorious spread- poor Rachel had been working overtime. All of the machinery had been polished and rogue plants had been tidied up. Even the invisible mice had been put back into their cages. Well, at least most of them had been.
And Hyde was tucked away, deep inside the caves of Jekyll’s chest. He felt so far away, so disconnected from his mind, shying away from the seat behind his hosts’ eyes he loved so dearly. A brain cleared of Edward Hyde- Jekyll could hardly believe it. It felt like a breath of fresh air.
He had accounted for everything, planned for the worst.
Absolutely nothing could go wrong.
With an ominous rumble, the beat of a heart emerges.
The flutter of a breath.
The deep, striking pain that only tears and thunder could articulate.
Henry Jekyll was going to lose it.
Something was going very, very wrong.
-
It started as a threatening ache, deep down in the abyssal knots of his stomach. The multiplying agony rose quickly, bubbling into his chest, surging into his throat. He could feel the flames of pain lick his heart, quickening his pulse and burning along with it. Turning his body to ash.
Oh god, was he going to die?
Jekyll froze in the middle of the hall, hand clutching desperately at his chest, fingernails clawing his skin through the fabric of his shirt. With every heartbeat the poison spread, accumulating in his veins, tingling below his skin.
But this pain made no sense! He didn’t drink any of the potion- in fact, he had poured it down the drain, eliminating the chance of a lapse in judgment. He had made sure Hyde was locked inside his brain, a prison of his own creation. This must be something else- the remnants of day-old bread, lack of sleep, a waking nightmare. Was this a heart attack?
It felt just like the transformation.
Bitter tears sprang to Jekyll’s tortured eyes, pain and anxiety inviting them to the surface. He had to go somewhere else, he couldn’t do this here. Not five minutes before the exhibition. Not where everybody could see him. Not when everything was so perfect. Not now. Not ever.
So Jekyll ran.
Body trembling and bile rising in his throat, Jekyll made his way through the twisting halls, grasping himself with both arms. His mind was a whirlwind, his heart couldn’t keep up with itself. This couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t. This was impossible. Hyde was trapped inside of him, he had no method of escape. Jekyll had to be mistaken. There was no way this was real.
He opened the door and stepped into his room, locking the entrance behind him. Jekyll began to pace, clutching himself in fear of being carried away by the river of pain. So much relied on this day, so much relied on this exhibition, so much relied on him. His fingers trembled violently as his core clenched, sending his knees collapsing onto the floor. For a moment, all he could feel was the storm of torment cumulating above him.
But within a moment, it dissipated, leaving him shivering and tear-stained on the floor. A smear of ink on a perfectly printed book. Heartbeats fading away from a living man, joining the chest of a corpse.
He was still Jekyll.
Hyde was still locked away.
The world was still in order.
As Jekyll collected himself, gathering the clouded shards of his being from the ground, he couldn’t help but think that he wasn’t up for this. The exhibition was in two minutes, and he was in shambles. Should he really show? Should he call in sick? What if this little charade was more than a fluke, it was an alarm for an impending hurricane?
Jekyll hated himself for thinking these things.
How dare he place so much weight on the Lodgers, plant so much importance on an event that he wouldn’t attend? He was fine now, the pain had disappeared into thin air, the dormant caves of his chest absorbing it in hopes for the future. So much depended on him being there.
What was the worst that would happen? It was just a few hours- and he could leave whenever he liked. There was no need for worry, the day would proceed as planned.
Hyde was trapped, and Jekyll was safe.
The exhibition would continue.
And so Jekyll calmed himself, eyes shutting in exhaustion as he took deep, sighing breaths. Then, with a huff, he straightened his back, fixed his tie, and walked out of his room. He plastered a large, shiny smile on his face as he made his way towards the big doors, his pulse quivering beneath his fingertips. He nodded to each of the Lodgers as he passed, silently wishing them the best of luck. He walked a tightrope to the large, heavy doors, pausing before the entrance.
He could feel the Lodger’s nervous glances on his back.
So he turned around and smiled. Meeting their eyes one by one. Lending them his strength to ease their worries, feeding his. The world held its breath.
“I believe in you all. Do your best and enjoy yourselves! This exhibition will be spectacular.”
And with that, Jekyll faced the looming doors, observing the brewing cyclone with a smile. He grasped the cool handles with both hands and pulled away his barricades, freeing the storm into his haven.
Light shone inside in a warped rectangle, people filing in. Jekyll greeted them with charming words and a charismatic grin, a small bit of relief washing over him, numbing his senses. The swarm of people was immense, much greater than he had expected. This could work! He needed to find Lanyon, let him know that as long as everything went perfectly, their long awaited plan would be a huge success.
Jekyll glanced over his shoulder, searching the crowd for his friend. Lanyon was nowhere to be seen. Sighing, he weaved his way through the mass of bodies, occasionally apologizing for stepping on heels or bumping against shoulders. He made his way past presentations and awe-stricken crowds, and he felt a weight settle in his stomach, jealousy tinting his vision green. It had been so long since he had shared any of his experiments with anyone, so long since he had cared about his science. He longed for a glass case of bubbling, green liquid to be displayed for the public, he wished to show everyone what he had achieved.
But it would ruin him.
So he moved on and continued to look for Lanyon. His friend had seemed to disappear from this Earth, swallowed alive by the monstrous hordes of people. Jekyll knew he was here- he had to be. Lanyon promised him that he’d be here- he wouldn’t miss this event for his life.
Where was he?
Jekyll felt panic creeping behind his eyes, wrapping around his heart, filling his lungs. He had to be here. He said he would be. But Jekyll couldn’t find him. He searched the whole place once, twice, three times, coming up empty handed with each round. Was he running late?
Jekyll caught a glimpse of Jasper through the bustling pack of people, and he made his way to him. He tapped his shoulder, and Jasper looked up at him, an unsettling expression creeping over his features. Jekyll led him to a barren hallway, taking in a deep breath.
“How is your presentation coming along?”
“It’s going really well! I might have… intimidated a few people when I explained the whole werewolf thing, but I’m sure some people were interested! I even got a bit of applause once I finished my presentation.” Jasper beamed, and Jekyll could feel the jealousy inside him returning. He shook it off and patted the boy on the shoulder.
“I’m proud of you.”
Jasper smiled, and Jekyll pulled away to look out at the crowd. Still no sign of Lanyon. Turning back to Jasper, he knit his eyebrows together and took a breath.
“Do you happen to know where Lanyon might be?”
Jasper’s face fell, and Jekyll felt a shadow of dread obscure his heart. Did Jasper know something that he didn’t? What had happened to Lanyon?
“Well, you see… I overheard him talking to Ms. Ito earlier today.”
“So he's here?”
“Uh… no. I heard him saying something about resigning? He said that he left her a note to give to you.” Jekyll went cold. Resign? Did Lanyon resign? The day of the exhibition, the day they’d been planning for? He didn’t even tell him in person- he left a note? Why didn’t Lanyon tell him? Why would he leave without warning? Didn’t he know how important this was- how important he was?
A flash of pain rippled across Jekyll’s chest, and for a moment, he forgot how to breathe. Lanyon’s betrayal weighed down on him, but the anguish and anger was quickly drowned out by pain, panic in its wake. Jekyll’s body was on fire, flipping itself inside out. He couldn’t breathe.
There was no doubt about it.
This was Hyde’s doing.
With teeth of fire, pain ravaged his bones and tore at his lungs, every breath of air rolling through his throat filled with ash and embers. He could feel the beginnings of the transformation upon him, rolling in his stomach, counting down the seconds he had to get away from Jasper so he could submit to the wrath of a missing, unused potion.
“Dr. Jekyll, are you okay?” Jasper’s voice was sympathetic, not quite grasping the intensity of the situation. Jekyll fit a thin smile on his face, urgency pushing him forward.
“Perfectly fine, Jasper, I just need to get some air-” He shouldered past the boy, advancing toward the crowd, desperate for his personal quarters. Every bone in his body ached, tears blossoming in the doctor’s eyes.
He had never felt more helpless.
The transformation tore at his skin, contorting him with venomous claws and merciless eyes. He fell to the ground, writhing, all too aware of Jasper running to meet him, crowds of people turning towards the scene, the worrying gazes of the Lodgers, Hyde’s echoing, vicious, laugh- Pain blurred the lines between Good and Evil, and it was impossible to tell where one started and the other began. A war waged inside him, the two sides brawling for the throne, red bleeding into purple into green. Once Evil wore a twisted, bloody crown on his head, the pain died away.
-
Free.
Edward Hyde was finally free.
The words bubbled up inside him like a mantra, flowing from his lips, from his eyes. He won. Jekyll was tucked firmly away inside of his head, with no way to escape. Ever.
How does that feel, Jekyll?
With a heartbeat, Hyde raised his head and met the gaze of the terrified public. He scanned the crowds with a smirk, triumph welling in his throat. Jekyll would never be able to show his face again- if he could, that is. This would ruin him. This ruined him.
Jekyll had fallen, and Hyde was ready to take his place.
“I win.” He said it to nobody in particular, the taste of the words sweet and enticing. He said it again, louder this time, finding cruel bliss in the simplicity of the phrase.
He was free.
It almost made Hyde want to cry- almost. He wouldn’t let tears spill on this joyous occasion, instead he would go out to a pub to celebrate. He would find Lanyon and rub all this in that stupid, gorgeous face of his.
But first, he had to get out of the unfortunate situation he was in.
“Stop gawking, ladies and gents, I am not a zoo animal,” he stood, brushing the dust from the fabric of his too-big trousers before meeting Rachel’s horrified gaze with a sneer, “I am, however, headed out for a drink.” And with that, Hyde decided that the most convenient way out of this shitshow of an exhibition was through the window. He ran down the street, leaving chaos in his wake.
Jekyll was nothing compared to him, his better half, the epitome of evil, the Spirit of London at Night!
He couldn’t believe that throwing a temper tantrum in Jekyll’s head actually worked. Jekyll loved to tell him that acting like a child wouldn’t get him anywhere, that it was “irresponsible” and “ineffective”. Well, well, well. It seemed that the great doctor and his fancy words had been wrong. Suck it, Jekyll.
Maybe he should throw temper tantrums more often.
As Hyde was mulling this over, he looked around to try to find a bar that was open at noon. He did not. But he did, however, hear a very familiar voice behind him. His ears perked, and he turned around slowly, a leer spreading across his features.
Robert fucking Lanyon in the flesh.
He had the nerve to show his face in the nearest mile of the exhibition after what he’d done?
He was going to regret the day he was born, Hyde would make sure of it.
Lanyon was walking down the street, blissfully unaware that Hyde was right behind him, itching to ruin his life. He was probably gloating over the hideous, disgusting, vile amounts of money that were in his bank account now that he left Jekyll with nothing more than an unreceived note.
Hyde felt his blood boil.
So he marched up to the unsuspecting Lanyon and grabbed his wrist, forcing him around to stare directly into his green eyes.
And fuck, this repugnant excuse for a man was hot.
Lanyon’s initial surprise melted into repulse as he registered the man before him.
“Hyde, what are you doing here?” The disdain in his voice flamed the inferno inside Hyde’s brain, and he sneered at the man.
“I could ask the same thing.”
“My whereabouts do not concern you, Hyde.”
“You betrayed the entire society! And usually I would applaud that kind of skill- it’s not easy to disappoint the Lodgers, they don't expect much. And yet you still found a way to let everyone down! What a talent you have! See, I couldn’t actually care less about that, but actually I do because what the fuck Lanyon?! I can’t believe the person I had to one-up on making a mess was Robert fucking Lanyon himself. But don’t worry, Jekyll and I covered that for you. Nobody will even remember that you ever planned to participate in this event after this.” Lanyon paused. After a moment, he spoke, his voice filled with malice.
“What did you do to Henry?”
Hyde laughed.
“You should really be asking what Jekyll did to me.”
“Hyde, out with it!”
“Why? It doesn’t concern you. You left. Twice.” His voice was sickeningly sweet, and Lanyon bristled under his words. But then he hesitated, eyes raking Hyde up and down.
“Why the fuck are you wearing his clothes?” Hyde tipped back his head and cackled.
“You see, when two people love each other very much…”
“Hyde.”
“They repress their feelings for each other and break up.”
“What?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
The look on Lanyon’s face was priceless.
“What does that have to do with anything? Wait, how do you know about that?” Lanyon took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “If you’re not going to tell me what you did to Henry, I’ll just go and find him.”
“Oh? You will, will you?”
“Where’s Henry?”
Hyde smiled devilishly, joy mounting inside him.
“Gone.”
“What?”
“He’s gone. You’re never going to see Henry Jekyll again.” Panic flashed in Lanyon’s eyes, and he glanced around nervously. Was that guilt he saw? Worry? Shame? This was delicious, Hyde couldn’t get enough of it. Lanyon looked like a wreck, and deservedly so. How dare he? He got what he had coming.
“What does that mean? Where is he? What did you do to him?”
“Your questions are getting boring, Lanyon. But don’t get your tits in a twist, it was all deserved. After what he did to me, he should’ve known that he wasn’t going to get out of that mess unscathed.” Lanyon opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by a distant holler.
“Master Hyde!”
He turned around, eyes widening as he saw Rachel making her way towards him. He had to go.
“Fuck.” Hyde turned around quickly, ready to make his escape. But before he could disappear into the crowds of London, he felt a firm grip around his wrist.
Fucking Lanyon! He met his eyes, trying in vain to tug his arm away from the man. Rachel caught up to them in an instant.
“There you are! You have a lot to explain.” She looked angry, and he flinched back for a moment before remembering just who he was. He leaned forward with a sneer, looking her dead in the eyes.
“I do, do I?”
“Yes you do, master Hyde- I mean, Jekyll! Or wait- Hyde? Who the hell are you?!” Hyde stepped back, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. He had taken this look directly from Jekyll, and he was not blind to the chill that ran down Rachel’s spine.
“I am the darkness within, I am the caged beast at the heart of humanity, the spirit of London at night! If you call me Jekyll one more time, I will ruin your life. Jekyll’s gone now- you’re stuck with me forever.”
“What the hell is going on?!” They both looked at Lanyon, a snicker escaping from Hyde.
“What do you mean? Weren’t you there?” Rachel was out of breath from running, her face pink. She had no idea what Lanyon had done, how he had betrayed them all. Hyde turned to Lanyon with a shit-eating grin.
“See, I told you nobody would remember!” Hyde cackled, trying and failing again to pull his arm back.
“No, I wasn’t at the exhibition. Rachel, can you please explain to me what happened? Hyde keeps avoiding my questions.”
“Well, I don’t really know myself! All of a sudden Dr. Jekyll just collapsed in the middle of the exhibition, and I thought he was having a heart attack at first, but then he started… changing? He turned into master Hyde and just ran off! I’ve been looking for him so I can get some answers!”
Hyde noticed how eerily silent Jekyll was being. Usually he tried to control his every action while he was free, but it seemed like he just disappeared. Could it be that Jekyll didn’t know what to do in this situation?
Lanyon looked at him in horror, and Hyde slapped the hand around his wrist. He let go, dazed, and Hyde stepped back.
Oh, this was delectable. Watching the revulsion contort his features was satisfying, so very satisfying. Hyde hadn’t realized it, but he’d been waiting for this moment. The moment Lanyon realized that he actually had no fucking clue what his best friend was like. The moment he realized that Jekyll had felt everything Hyde expressed towards him, the moment he realized that Hyde wasn’t the monster- Jekyll was.
But it also pissed him off, because he wasn’t Jekyll, and now these two morons were looking at him like he was.
“Please explain, master Hyde,” Rachel pleaded, and he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy towards her.
That twinge turned into something more, a flare of pain in his chest. He flinched, raising a hand to his heart. Right. He had forgotten that he’d polluted the whole place with his tantrum, and now he would probably have to suffer the consequences.
The pain disappeared, and he relaxed with a sigh.
“Fine! You know what, I might as well tell you the whole story, get rid of the last bit of pride that prude of a doctor might have. He fucking deserves it.” He turned to look at Lanyon, who was standing rigidly by his side.
“It was all your fault.” Hyde said simply. Lanyon swelled, exhaling contempt.
“What?”
“You’re the reason I’m even here! Ever since you decided to be a stuck up, self centered, egotistical little bitch,” he poked Lanyon’s chest accusingly with each syllable, voice dripping with mockery, “Jekyll had to find some way to deal with his unwanted emotions.”
“Excuse me, when was I ever stuck up, self centered, or egotistical?”
Hyde raised an eyebrow.
“You didn’t deny the little bitch part.”
“Answer me! How is this my fault?”
“You saw him as nothing more than a plaything, Lanyon! He was in love with you, and you broke up with him! You dismissed him like he meant nothing to you, and you broke his disgusting little heart!” He watched as each word impaled Lanyon, his voice carrying venom. He hoped it killed him. He hoped he would never be able to forgive himself for what he had done.
Rachel’s head spun to face Lanyon, incredulous.
“You two dated?”
“I did not date him! I am not Henry Jekyll! If you refer to me as such one more time, I swear to god Rachel, I know where you sleep! I’m nothing like that insufferable prick!”
“Continue the story.” Lanyon’s voice was low, firm, the sound of a gathering thunderstorm. Unsure. Like he needed to hear the whole story before formulating an emotion.
“Fine. So he hated himself after that, right? He had so many disgusting impulses and desires, so many emotions that he had bottled up his whole life that began to spill over. So he looked for a way to separate them from himself. He made a potion that split his soul in two and created me, the embodiment of everything evil in this world, a powerful entity who feels nothing but those impulses and desires. In my opinion, the whole thing was a great success. However, he thinks it was a failure. He still feels those things, I’m just the one to act on them. But he gets to unwind through me, you see? When I’m free, we get to have fun for the first time in a century, knowing Jekyll. But when he’s in control, all he does is work. All day. Without a sign of stopping.
“So he’s able to set me free every time he drinks the potion, and when I drink the potion, I turn back into him. It’s pretty simple. But the bastard poured it all down the drain in an attempt to keep me from ruining the exhibition, so of course I had to ruin his life and lock him inside my head. I threw a temper tantrum, ruined the subconscious, and just like that, Jekyll was down. So that’s what happened when he collapsed, that was me overthrowing his tyrannous rule. Pretty proud of myself for figuring that out, actually.”
“He loved me?” Lanyon’s voice was soft, nauseatingly soft. Hyde wrinkled his nose.
“Ew, gross! You left him, remember? And don’t feel sympathetic for him, he deserved every last bit of it. He- fuck-” The pain was back, and much stronger than before. It raged through his veins and arteries, specks of white eating through his vision. His knees bit the asphalt, Jekyll’s expensive pants threadbare and torn. He hunched over, panic settling in his stomach. No, no, no, he was most certainly not turning back into Jekyll now, not ever. He was free now. Jekyll had no way to escape.
Henry Jekyll was not going to ruin this for him.
He caught his breath, looking up into the eyes of Rachel and Lanyon. They appeared scared, repulsed, worried for his safety but hopeful for Jekyll’s reappearance. Hyde’s blood began to boil. He spat at Lanyon’s feet and stood, crossing his arms. His shivering, shaky arms. Fuck.
“Are you okay?” Rachel’s voice was quiet, afraid of the answer. Hyde scoffed, turning to look at her- and then paused. Rachel’s eyes were bitter and dismal, and her cheerful exterior had completely changed.
“I’m brilliant. And don’t get your hopes up, Lanyon- Jekyll’s not coming back any time soon.”
“Why did you collapse?”
“Lanyon, you twit, you absolute waste of space.”
“What the hell?”
Hyde grinned at him. Lanyon wrinkled his nose and opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by a very agitated Rachel.
“Can’t you two boys just coexist in peace?”
“He was the one who chose to lock me away! He even poured all of the HJ7 down the drain! What else was I supposed to do, remain calm?!”
Hyde was once again disturbed by a spasm between his ribs, and he winced.
“Jekyll, what the hell are you doing in there?” He cursed under his breath, scowling down at his chest.
Except this time, the pain didn’t go away. Hyde could feel it seep through his limbs, circulating through his veins until the fire was eating him alive. The sheer amount of agony was enough to knock the breath from his lungs, and Hyde knew he had a decision to make.
Transform right here or run away to transform in private.
And so Hyde ran.
He pushed past Rachel, taking the two by surprise. Clutching himself like he was trying to hold himself together, Hyde bolted away from them before they could even register what happened. He took off down the road, skidding down corners and cutting through streets until he found a secluded alley. He slid down the wall, heart pounding and chest heaving, fire burning through his blood.
Oh god, this couldn’t be happening. He was finally free- he couldn’t be locked away in the back of Jekyll’s brain for the rest of eternity! He had a life to live, things to do! If he transformed…
Well, he didn’t really have a choice, did he?
His body went up in flames, and the ashes chained his wrists to an unwilling prison.
-
Henry Jekyll did not know what to do next.
He’s always had a plan for everything, but after this mess, he was at a loss. His life was gone, his reputation was gone, everything that he had spent his life building was gone. Gone. Hyde had washed it down the drain, no, Jekyll had. He had caused all of this, hadn’t he? It was his fault his life was gone. He had ruined everything- and not just for himself. After this, there was no way the Society was getting any money, and all of the Lodgers would have to leave their hopes and dreams behind.
Jekyll hated himself.
“As you should.” Hyde’s voice echoed behind his ears, resonating deep in his chest, pulsating behind his eyes. “You should feel ashamed of yourself. You should hide inside of my head forever, you deserve to be locked away. Hand me the reins again, Jekyll, and you’ll never have to deal with your little mess again. Let me out, and you will be freed into the prison of your own creation. The prison you deserve.” Jekyll had to admit, the offer was enticing.
He paused a moment before responding, letting the weight on his shoulders settle down into his stomach. He let out a sigh, wishing this was all a dream, hoping he would wake up any second now. But the burn from his recent transformation lingered in his fingertips, charring the tip of his tongue, throbbing in the beat of his heart- a ghastly reminder.
Henry Jekyll had never wanted to disappear more than he did now.
“Hyde, you’re not going to persuade me to let you out. You’ve ruined my life enough for one day- can’t you just leave me in peace for a few hours?” His voice was less than a whisper, it was a raspy murmur, a broken sigh, a multisyllabic breath. He needed a moment to think, a second to gather his thoughts and formulate a plan to rebuild his life. If that was even possible at this point. His worst nightmare had just revealed itself as reality, and he needed to get a grasp on what was his imagination, which people would slip like smoke between his fingers and which were firm underneath his touch. Was he real? Or was he just a painting, a man without a reflection?
Was he a man, or words on a page? He couldn’t tell- his existence seemed more like a tragedy than a life.
How could he piece together the broken letters of his story, make them real again?
His shadow warped into the vicious silhouette of himself, and green irises peered up at him, filled with malice. Jekyll couldn’t help but wonder where his mind had gone, how far back it had left him. If this shadow was him, who was he? And if it wasn’t, what had he done to himself? What had this reflection done to him, to his life? Was he to blame for the evil it had shown, the suffering it had caused?
“Don’t you want to run away from all of this?”
“I do. But if I’m going to fix it, waiting will make it worse. There’s no time like the present, after all- I have no time to let you out. Thanks to you, I’m busier than I’ve ever been. I have a formal apology to make, as do you.” Jekyll had no idea where to start, but he knew he had to begin anyway. Hyde wrinkled his nose.
“You’re thinking of work right now?!”
“Yes.”
“You’re a lunatic. How are you not breaking down? How are you not weeping? Are you not angry at me?”
“I’ve broken down one too many times today, Hyde. I’m saving the next crisis for tomorrow. And to answer your last question, I’m not mad.”
“... You’re not?”
“No. I’m just disappointed.”
“That’s worse!”
“I’m aware.” Jekyll stood, dusting off his ripped trousers with a heavy sigh. Hyde slithered beside him, the shadow carrying an air of panic about him. His eyes were his only distinguishable feature, wide and distressed, green glinting against black.
“You can’t just lock me away again, Jekyll. I’ll just make sure the same thing happens again, over and over, until you can’t tell where you end and I begin. We will bleed together, Jekyll, and you will never eradicate me from your veins. I am the spirit of London at night! There’s no getting rid of me.” Jekyll scoffed, turning to him with an indistinguishable expression.
“If locking you up means you decimate me and my image, then no, I won’t keep you trapped forever. But just you know, Hyde, that there’s no way in hell that I’m letting you slip between my fingers again. You can kiss London goodbye for the next few weeks- after what you’ve done, it’s not even close to a suitable punishment. You can’t just expect that because you throw a tantrum and make a mess you get what you want- that’s child’s logic, Hyde. And I know you’re not much more than an alcoholic fool with a sex addiction, but I expected you to at least understand that your actions have consequences. So get comfortable where you are, because you’re not getting out any time soon.”
Hyde, for once, was silent.
Jekyll couldn’t even enjoy it.
Someone cleared his throat behind him, and Jekyll whirled around, coming face to face with Lanyon and Rachel. His eyes widened, and he took a step back.
“Who were you just speaking with?” It was more of an accusation than a question, and the distrust in Lanyon’s eyes was enough to make Jekyll’s fingertips buzz. Oh god, he hated this look on Lanyon, this face of wariness, this expression of trepidation that obscured his every move. Lanyon approached him like a feral cat, every shift and advance tentative as to not scare him off, treating him as something less than human in order to fully grasp him. Jekyll was humiliated.
“How much of the conversation did you hear?”
“Enough to know who you were talking to.”
“Then why ask?”
“I wanted to know if you would answer with the truth.”
“Did I pass your little test?”
“I can’t tell. You didn’t answer with truth or lie, but a question. I don’t know whether to trust that or not.”
“You should. Answering a question with a question is the epitome of science.”
“I’m not a scientist, Henry.” Lanyon’s voice was strained, worry curling the edges of his words. He crossed his arms, looking at Jekyll with tired eyes. “And for good reason.”
Jekyll flinched, fingers curling into a fist. His nails bit into his palm, and he used the pain to ground himself. He had never wanted to have this conversation, he avoided thinking about the possibility of it when he could. And yet here Lanyon was, staring at him with clouded pupils and stiff shoulders, evaluating him as if to figure out if he was a monster or a man.
At the moment, Jekyll didn’t know either.
“I can tell. No scientist would have abandoned his experiments for an easy, spoiled life.”
“Would you rather I be like you?”
“Boys!” Rachel cut in, stepping between them. The hostility waned almost immediately, and Lanyon avoided meeting his gaze. Jekyll closed his eyes heavily, leaning back on the wall behind him, letting his stress wash over him, filling his ears and eyes so it was all that he could hear, all he could see, all he could feel.
“We have a few questions.”
“I assumed.” He opened his eyes, meeting Rachel’s gaze with a weary smile. “Go ahead.”
Lanyon cleared his throat once more, and the two turned to look at him.
“How come you’re willing to answer our questions now? Just a few minutes ago, you wouldn’t tell me anything.” Jekyll looked at him for a moment in confusion, sighing when he realized what Lanyon meant. Hyde seemed to understand at the same time he did, and he gasped behind him.
“That little bitch!”
“Hyde and I are not the same person, Robert. I believe he was very adamant on that fact the last time you spoke.” Jekyll’s voice was strained, weighed down by the stress he carried. Robert opened his mouth to speak, but Rachel shot him a look and he turned away.
“Let’s get you back to the Society, Henry. You need to rest, and I think everyone has some questions they want you to answer.”
Jekyll looked at his hands, and Rachel hesitated.
“Wait… you are planning on going back, aren’t you?” Jekyll’s eyes shot up at the suggestion.
“Yes, of course. I just… need some time to think about what to say.”
“Oh yes, Dr. Jekyll. Tell them all about how this started. How your story begins with a boy who dared to love the wrong person~”
“Will you shut it, Hyde?!” Jekyll snapped, glaring over his shoulder at his silhouette, who froze. The air had gone cold under the breaking of his voice, a shiver running up the nape of Jekyll’s neck. The world seemed to pause, and the two held their breath. He turned back around, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Sorry.”
“Is he… here right now?” Rachel asked tentatively, glancing around the secluded alleyway. Jekyll exhaled a small laugh, shaking his head.
“Sort of. Not where you can see, though. He’s just in my head, although I can hear him complaining quite clearly.”
“So, does that mean that while you’re in his head, you can hear everything he hears?” Jekyll looked over at Lanyon, knowing exactly what his question was really asking. He hesitated for a moment before his reply.
“If I wish.” His answer was hidden behind his words, in his tone, in his eyes. Everything but his reply told Lanyon the truth.
Lanyon looked away.
An awkward pause strung out in the air, and Jekyll was at a loss for words. He had betrayed their trust, their friendships. He had let them down. He made them believe in a facade for far too long, see half a man instead of a whole. Because he was a shattered mirror, handing over bits and pieces of himself to different people, to the people who thought they knew him, reflecting what they wanted to see and only that. Because who was he without his reputation? Take that away and he was just…
Who was he?
Jekyll raised his head, blinking frantically, chest rising and falling with deep, measured breaths. He could feel Lanyon’s judging gaze screening every inch of him, Rachel’s disappointment weighing down on the back of his neck, pushing him face down into the dirt where he belonged. And it wasn’t just them- the Lodgers were all waiting for an explanation. Innocent civilians had been exposed to a science they were not ready to see, a science they couldn’t understand. And the exhibition- he had ruined everything.
Jekyll didn’t know if he could do this.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. It’s just- I longed so badly for freedom. I didn’t know who I was, how to distinguish myself, how to handle all of the emotions that society deemed ‘sinful’, the feelings that needed to be repressed. I felt like two people, and yet, I was less than a human. Society told me I was unworthy, vile, a man of sin and offense. And I told myself-” Jekyll closed his eyes, choking on a lump in his throat, voice beginning to rasp, “I told myself that with the feelings I was a monster, and without them, I wasn’t a whole person. No matter what I did, there was no escape, no right answer. And so I did the only thing I could think of. Science.
“Choosing one or the other wasn’t enough, but both at once- I could become both my own monstrous self while upholding a reputation, while creating a society. In my eyes, it was that or death- death in the eyes of society, in the eyes of myself. Metaphorical death, but death nonetheless. And so I created Hyde. For a while, I’d never been happier. But he’s a selfish fellow.”
“Hey, doc, don’t you-”
“You are, Hyde. You are. He is. He is greedy and short-sighted, begging for a few moments of freedom at the risk of my reputation. He smothers me, every waking hour of every day. But I just- I couldn’t speak with you two about it- not with anyone. It’s my burden to bear, and I’ve carried it for so long that without him, I just don’t know who I am. I’m addicted to my own destruction, and I had hoped that this would only be recognized long after I’m gone.
“I don’t expect you two to forgive me for this, for what I’ve done to everyone, for what I’ve done to myself. But I hope that you can understand, at least a little.”
Jekyll was scared to face them. When he finally mustered up the courage to turn towards his friends, they were staring at him with unreadable expressions. Jekyll felt a knife twist in his gut, and his hands began to tremble. He had never imagined he would be so weak, so pathetic when this day came, he always thought that he would address the issue in a much more dignified fashion. Answer questions without a tremor in his voice, stand straight up without shaky knees and a chest caving in. Figure out a way to divert the conversation so everyone would forget about Hyde, forget about him. Forget about his existence, so the world could continue the way it was, the way it always had been.
But swallowing these emotions proved impossible- they overflowed from his chest, bubbled past his lips, threatened to spill from his eyes.
“Nice speech, doc. Do you really think some fancy words are gonna fix the predicament you caused? At this point, making messes is all you can do. You can’t even figure out a way to get out of them anymore. You’re disintegrating, Jekyll- you’re falling apart. Look at you. You’re a mess. Your throat is choked, you’re shaking, and you’re a hair’s breadth away from breaking down in tears. From crumpling like a piece of paper. Who would have thought that Henry Jekyll, the great scientist, the jackass of the century, was actually a weak. Pathetic. Coward?” Hyde’s voice carried needles, pricking at his weak spots, the places he usually kept heavily guarded. Hyde, that bastard- he leapt at the chance to cause Jekyll’s fragmentation. He smashed Jekyll’s metaphorical mirror himself, leaving Jekyll to aimlessly, hopelessly glue the pieces back together.
Jekyll felt fury rise in him, overtaking his senses until all he could see was red. He whirled toward the shadow, reaching out to slap Hyde, outspread palm stopping less than an inch from the wall. Hyde flinched, forgetting that Jekyll had no way to hurt him, freezing in place with his eyes squinted shut in terror. Jekyll leaned in close to the shadow, his next words coming out as a lethal hiss.
“Don’t forget that it wasn’t me who caused all of this, it was you. You, Hyde. And I know that you don’t expect much to come of my anger- you’re so used to Mr. Good Doctor with his pleasant smile and pretty words, but don’t forget that part of me is you, and I am perfectly capable of fucking you up so badly that you will never be able to piece yourself back together. I’m the one who’s falling apart? Fine. I will take you down with me.” Jekyll stood there for a moment, seething, as Hyde slowly opened his eyes, glinting with shock and fear. Slowly, he masked his unsavoury alarm with a spreading smirk.
“You sound like me now, doc. Didn’t know you had it in you.” Jekyll glowered at the shadow before him, green eyes embedding themselves in the reflection of his irises. He knew he had well and truly scared Hyde, who had not expected much to come of his jeers and taunts. But Henry Jekyll had snapped- he was done for the day.
God, he desperately needed a drink.
Rachel pulled on his arm, dragging him away from the wall.
“Henry, I think you need some sleep. Look- I forgive you, okay? I do. But I want to talk about all this when you’re a little more calm. You’re not thinking clearly, and it’s alarming. I’ve never seen you so angry before. So get off Hyde’s case, and Hyde, if you can hear me, get off his. Play nice until you’ve settled down a little, and then we can sort this all out. I’m sorry you’ve been going through this all on your own, and I want to be here for you from now on. But right now, you should focus on getting some of this stress off your shoulders.”
Jekyll nodded, letting the corners of his mouth turn wearily upwards.
“Right. My apologies, I didn’t mean to cause a scene.” He never did mean to, and yet he kept getting himself into them. Over and over and over again.
“What did he say?” Lanyon’s voice startled Jekyll- he’d assumed that he’d scared away any inklings of a civilized conversation. When he turned around, his eyes had turned soft, an attempt at understanding. Guilt resonated in his features- what did Lanyon have to be guilty about?
Oh, right. How could he have forgotten? Hyde had blamed Lanyon for everything.
“Nothing too different from what he usually says to me. I don’t know why I got so worked up this time, though. I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again, my reaction was unprecedented and violent. I sincerely apologize.”
“You’re stressed. If I were in your situation, I probably would have broken my hand on that wall.” Lanyon’s voice was unsure, unstable, unknowing. But he was trying- god, was Jekyll so pathetic to make even Lanyon pity him?
He let out a tuneless, monotone laugh- more of an exhale than anything- and crossed his arms tightly over his stomach.
“And Henry?” Lanyon’s voice caught him off guard once more, and he met his gaze with tired eyes and the hint of a smile.
“Yes?”
“You’re not a monster.”
-
Ever since Lanyon and Jekyll had broken up, they had refrained from close contact with each other. Clumsy fingers brushing one another, the bump of shoulder against shoulder as they ambled down the hallway, even the tingle of breath upon skin- they all resulted in flinching away from each other, anxious eyes scurrying away from unwanted contact and undesirable emotions.
But now, as they rode a carriage back to the society, Lanyon’s hand was on Jekyll’s knee, thumb rubbing in comforting, constant circles, grounding him. Keeping him there.
Easing his worries so they could make it back to the conflict that could ruin his life.
-
“Which of you nerdy scientists knows how to make a decent drink?” Hyde yelled over the balcony, catching the attention of a good number of Lodgers. They each looked at each other awkwardly, waiting for someone to speak up. Finally, a voice from beside Hyde caught him off guard.
“Edward, it’s one in the afternoon. Won’t Henry be angry at you for drinking so early in the day?” Lanyon crossed his arms over his chest, cocking an eyebrow in the blonde’s direction. Hyde scoffed.
“You say that like Jekyll doesn’t drink wine in the place of coffee.” Lanyon narrowed his eyes, taking a step closer to Hyde.
“Well, he shouldn’t be doing that.”
“But he does, my dearest Robert, bane of my existence, day to my London night. And for good reason. His best friend is you, after all.” Lanyon clicked his tongue, leaning in close to Hyde until his breath ruffled the strands of his hair, warming his skin.
“You mean his boyfriend?”
Hyde scowled.
“I still think that whoever made that decision was a bloody idiot.” He didn’t, of course. He just wanted to see Lanyon get heated.
Lanyon did not give him such luxury.
“Mhm… wasn’t that you?”
“For the last time, I am not Jekyll! What are you even doing here, anyway? I thought you quit.”
“I decided to come back. Wasn’t that difficult of a decision, really, since both of my boyfriends happen to run the place…” Hyde’s eyes widened, and he felt the excitement in his chest rise in his throat, bubble from his lips. He stared at Lanyon for a moment, scanning his face for the traces of a lie, the hint of a joke. He smiled at him, and Hyde’s face broke out into a wide grin.
He hopped from the second story, landing on multiple floating ledges and platforms on the way down. Dr. Maijabi let out a ruffled squawk of indignation that Hyde conveniently didn’t seem to hear. He skid into the middle of the society, knowing exactly which spot held the best acoustics.
He took a deep breath, and Lanyon slapped his hands over his ears just a second too late.
“Okay, wackos and weirdos, time to listen up! My good scientists, we have a returning member! Robert fucking Lanyon is rejoining the society! Rejoice, for Jekyll won’t have to deal with the paperwork alone anymore! Drunk, snappy Jekyll is off your hands, and you no longer have to walk the halls in fear that the doctor hadn’t drunk his morning cup of tea!”
The words took a moment to sink in, but once they did, the Lodgers all turned to Lanyon with a similar expression- joy. Although he was not a scientist, although he had abandoned them with nothing more than a note, although he had left them to deal with the mess of a broken exhibition, they could not help but be grateful at his return. Jekyll wasn’t the same without him, and after the whole ordeal with Hyde, he was more vulnerable than ever.
They had accepted him, tried to make him feel welcome, but he needed a friend.
The Lodgers, following in the footsteps of Hyde’s theatrics, began to clap.
The thundering of elation filled the building, energy fizzing like bubbles in the air. The stress seemed to lift as everyone joined in celebration of one small act, stress dissipating from the heart of the Society. Hyde reveled in it.
Lanyon pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head with the hint of a smile as the Lodgers all applauded his return.
“Henry’s going to be so mad at you when you turn back.” Hyde grinned.
“He always is.”