Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Sunny-”

“What the hell happened?!”

Kel’s show of concern is completely interrupted by Aubrey’s pained question. Her voice had cracked in an attempt to lower her volume mid sentence. Her eyes are red, had she been crying? When you pictured your confession in your head you didn’t expect them to try and interject. You guess you idealized the moment in your imagination, as you often do.

“I have to tell you something.” You repeat, hoping it sticks this time.

Aubrey looks like she’s about to say something again, but Hero puts a hand on her shoulder. He squeezes lightly and the girl physically grits her teeth to stop herself from talking. She would’ve apologized for interrupting you, if she were thinking straight. 

“Sunny….” Hero looks focused, but the shine in his eyes has a sad edge to it. There’s a sad edge to everything Hero does these days. It’s all your fault. 

“We…. really would like to know what happened there, but you shouldn’t be walking around right now. Go back to your room okay? You…You can explain after the doctor takes a look at you.”

Kel looks like he wants to say something, but whatever it is he chooses to hold back. When he catches you staring at him he gives you a reassuring smile. It looks natural on his face, but is it really? “And hey! You can walk and talk and everything! You’ll be out of here in no time! The eyepatch even looks cool on you!”

Everyone else in the room winces. Aubrey mutters “ oh my fucking GOD, kel! ” just loud enough for everyone else to hear. It makes the boy go a bit paler and chuckle awkwardly.

Your lip trembles, you can’t wait any longer. The more you wait the faster you’ll lose your drive, your determination. Your whole life has been nothing but stalling this one moment. Deep in your core you know there won’t be another moment if you don’t speak NOW.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Sunny-” 

“I have to.”

Hero looks surprised by the fact that you, of all people, interrupted him. Enough for him to be quiet. That moment of awe spreads to everyone else. Hero’s eyes are focused, Kel looks worried, and Aubrey looks..Anxious of what’s to come.

“when…” Your voice is quieter now, but still the loudest thing in this room. “Kel knocked on my door a few days ago,”

You pause. You pictured this moment in your head a lot. You know that you won’t try to excuse yourself, nor shift the blame, you need to be objective. You need to make them understand how much of it is your fault.

“Yeah..?” Kel prompts.

“i…” Focus. “...i didn’t remember Mari was dead.”

Aubrey’s response is instantaneous. “What.” 

She sounds..offended, like you just stepped on her shoe. Regardless, she lets you speak.

“..i didn’t remember,” You repeat. “when aubrey said…that she was dead i- i-” 

Breathe. Calm Down. You can do this.

“You repressed it…” Hero whispers, you can hear the guilt. “Oh god, Sunny…”

“i had to check the cemetery, so before we left the church…” Your voice trembles even now. “and there…there she was, her grave.”

Kel’s body language tells you everything. The way he squirms, the pitiful expression on his face. He blames himself for not noticing. You’re going about this wrong, you’re giving them too many chances to pity you.

“Sunny I…” Kel grips the fabric of his shorts, looking for the right words. “I’m- I-...I didn’t know. I should have paid more attention. This….This sounds like it was real tough on you."

“...” Aubrey’s eyes are obscured by her hair. “...Yeah.”

You frown. You don’t deserve them. You don’t deserve them. You don’t-

Calm Down.

Easy breaths. In and out.

“Where…Did you think she was?” Was Aubrey’s natural question. It sounds almost accusatory.

“...i don’t know,” You sigh. “i really…really don’t know. in college maybe. i just thought..she’d come back.”

Aubrey takes a step backwards all of a sudden, like she’s being confronted with something she doesn’t fully understand, or doesn’t want to confront.

“(..fuck.)” She whispers.

The silence lingers. Maybe…Maybe you could leave it there.

“...You really should go back to your room, Sunny,” Hero smiles, it’s reassuring, fatherly. “We..We can talk about this.”

“There’s more.”

Persist.

“...” He’s quiet now, able to know when to wait and listen.

“i…began remembering more and more stuff,” You can do this. You have to do it. You have to. “i remembered..I blacked out the photos-”

“What-”

“…how mari died- why she died.”

“What-” Hero’s voice cracks. “What did your dad do?”

And this is the thing that makes you confused. You…What? What conclusion did Hero just come to? Your eye widens and Fear momentarily has you paralyzed. You could lie. You could lie and lie and lie and lie. It would be so easy. It would taste so sweet. A happily ever after. Haven’t you earned it by now?

“What did he do, Sunny?” Hero sounds a bit panicked. “What did he say?”

“Bro…” Kel walks over to Hero, squeezing his arm. “We should let Sunny speak.”

Hero eases off near immediately, but you can see the urgency in his eyes. Aubrey on the other hand…She’s looking at you with guilt and fear. You know what her home is like. You know all the thoughts she must be having about this. You know she’s not the selfish one.

You can’t leave them like this, you can’t be selfish. Not anymore. Not ever.

Persist.

“it wasn’t…dad,” There’s some pain in your voice as you speak. “It was me.”

You don’t want to keep going, you want them to grasp the full implication of what you said. They don’t. You can see it in their eyes.

“Like hell.” Aubrey hisses through her teeth. “Sunny, it’s not your-”

“It was me.” 

“No!” Kel says a little too loudly. “It’s not! I won’t let you hurt yourself by-”

“It was me.”

“Sunny….” Hero chokes back the urge to cry. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s-”

“I pushed her down the fucking stairs.” 

The look of horror in their faces…You have to keep going, you have to Persist.

“It was an accident.” You speak up, clearer than before. “We were arguing, it got heated. She grabbed my arm, I got scared and-” 

The eyes.

“And-”

The eyes. The eyes. The eyes.

“I can still hear it,” You don’t know why you say this, you don’t want pity. You don’t want them to think you desserve forgiveness. You have to move on without them. You HAVE to. “I can hear her gasp, everytime I’m near the stairs. I can see her look of horror and anger as she was pushed down. I can hear the grunt, cut off by a cracking sound. My hands never feel clean. I tried to get her to her bed and I always- I can always feel- The blood. The blood. The blood. The blood. The-”

Calm Down.

“...” You’re crying. “Basil was there.”

“.. No.. ” Hero clutches his chest. “Sunny you didn’t…You didn’t really…”

You wonder, in that second, if you should reveal how much of this is Basil’s fault. You…Decide against it, that’s his secret to tell. You can very well take a little more spite.

“...He agreed to keep the secret. He didn’t want me…He really didn’t want me to..get in trouble. He’s…A good friend..” You look down, avoiding their gazes. You bury your face in your hands, whiping the tears. “I hope he forgives me.”

“...”

There are no words. Just looks of betrayal. You know that you’ve made yourself a complete stranger to them in just this one interaction.

It’s over.

It’s all over.

But….You can move on.

“Why….” 

You look up slightly, it was Aubrey who asked the question.

“Why did you…Why did you hurt Basil like that?” 

You take a step back, like you’re being physically blown back by the force of the question.

“You…You-” She’s gripping her own hair like she’s about to pull it out. She’s breathing really fast. “You made him keep your secret- You let him take the fall for your- your fucking-” She lets go of her hair, her fist are clenched. “And then…Then you had to finish the job, didn’t you? It wasn’t enough to ruin his life- you- you had to make sure he didn’t tell anyone or- or-”

She can’t hold onto her anger for long. She’s crying, so fast that she can’t even keep her eyes open, snot is coming out. Hero and Kel look paralyzed. 

“You can’t- you can’t even swim-” 

It takes you a second to realize why that’s relevant.

“When you- you- you jumped into the lake after him- you wanted to take yourself out too didn’t you? You selfish- you- piece of- so we wouldn’t find out- that’s how fucking sick you- you-” 

Her face grows redder and redder. You realize in that moment that…There’s some merit to what she said.

It’s then that something snaps in Hero. He refocuses, despite his entire body shaking, he still knows what he has to do. “Aubrey…Aubrey listen to my voice. Listen to my voice. Listen. Just breathe in through your mouth okay? Breathe in, then breathe out. I’m here, Kel’s here. It’s all safe.”

It hurts. It hurts to not only see her like this. To see Hero supress everything. To see Kel with his eyes wide, looking like his world is entirely shattered. What hurts the most is that there’s still one more thing to say.

But you wait, you wait until Aubrey’s breathing is stabilized, and she’s looking at you like she doesn’t know who you are anymore.

“Why…” She asks one more time. “Why did you hurt Basil like that?”

“...” Persist. Persist. Persist. “He was going to kill himself.”

You can see Aubrey’s face cycle through anger, then miserable sadness. “You…I…What?”

Kel is pressing his back against the wall, like he might just collapse from all of this. Hero is stone faced, seemingly accepting every horrible thing thrown his way.

“He couldn’t handle the guilt. I was trying to stop him. It devolved into a fight.” You sniff. “That’s…How I lost my eye.”

It may not be lost, you realize, but the point still stands.

“That’s….” You want to sleep. You want to sleep. You want to sleep. “...that’s everything.”

You stand there. You can’t focus on their faces anymore. The world is an endless black sea and you’re standing alone on a raft.

You will find land, that’s the one thing you can tell yourself. You WILL find land, even if it’s barren, even if it’s fleeting, you will find someplace else.

Hero reaches for something in his pocket. 

He takes Sunny’s hand in his, and puts it in his palm.

It’s a business card…For some therapist called Barkley?

“That’s all I can give you,” Hero’s voice sounds so raspy, like he’s holding back a scream. “I’m sorry. I want to give you more. I…..I can’t look at you right now. Please leave. Please. I don’t want to yell at you. I don’t want to- I-”

The message is clear. You look at how Aubrey avoids looking at you. How Kel is reaching out a hand like he maybe wants to say something, and how he puts it down when he realizes he doesn’t have the right words to say.

“Leave, Sunny. We’re not what you need right now.” 

And so you do.

Chapter Text

You look at your room, filled with more flowers than any other. They remind you of the Photo Album in a way. They’re proof of your good deeds, they’re real memories, tangible signs that you made people happy. 

The last three days were so busy. You were so eager to make as many memories here before it’s all ripped away that…Well, you ended up being more social than you’ve ever been before in your life. You suppose that’s a good thing. You….You have some worth, after all.

Your hospital bed is very comfortable, even more so than your actual bed. You could sleep here forever, you want to, but you can’t. You take the bread The Twins sent you. It’s somehow still warm, and a sweet smell emanates from them. You take a bite.

It’s sweet, you realize this is cornbread. You savor the first bite for a long time. Then when you swallow you decide to take in the smell a little before taking your next bite. You’re hungry. You’ve been INCREDIBLY hungry these past few days actually, it’s hard to keep yourself from eating these as fast as you can. You succeed in pacing yourself however. You wonder if you are even allowed to eat right now, but you guess they wouldn’t have allowed the twins to leave the bread there if that wasn’t the case.

When the bread is gone, all you can think about is that you wish you’d taken it slower anyway. It’s gone now.

It’s gone now…

You lay in bed, waiting to close your eye and sleep once more.

Then the door opens.

“Sunny?!”

Ah, she’s here. You keep your eye closed.

“Calm down Ms. Suzuki,” Comes a voice that is deep and soft, but undeniably feminine. “If what his friends told us is true, then he should be awake.”

“mmhmm.”

“Oh god, Sunny,”

You didn’t expect her voice to crack just now. You open your eye and look at her. She’s…She’s crying. It hits you right now how much she must actually care about you.

Sure, it’s a bit hard to believe, but logically speaking she SHOULD care. She stayed with you all this time, right? You were so caught up in your own misery you never really thought of your mom as her own entity. You wonder how much of this is her own fault, and how much is yours.

You have a horrible thought, that it’s nice to see her hurting like this. It means she cares, right? Is that what love is?

Your stomach hurts a bit, but it’s manageable.

“I’m sorry,” She speaks softly, the apology is enough to surprise you. “My Sunny- my baby. I knew you couldn’t be alone and I still- I still- I shouldn’t have pushed you to go out, now you’re hurt. You’re all hurt. I’m sorry.”

She’s…What? She’s blaming herself for this? She….Had little to nothing to do with- What? What is happening? What are you witnessing right now-

Oh.

That’s where you get it from.

“..i’m fine.” You sit up. “not your fault.”

“But-”

“Ma’am,” The doctor, who you’re a bit surprised to see is black even though you really shouldn’t be, speaks gently. “Give me a moment with Sunny, okay?”

Mom reluctantly steps back. Anxiety colors her face as she hugs herself. You…Really should’ve noticed her state before.

“Sunny, how do you feel? Do you remember anything?”

You omit to mention that you remember more than you did before, and instead say “yes. i feel fine.”

She clarifies. “Do you remember how you got hurt?”

“...” You nod. “yes.”

“You were walking around earlier, or so I’m told,” She smiles a little. “You shouldn’t have done that, but it’s still amazing that you’re so resilient. You went to visit that other boy, too…He’s important to you?”

Important doesn’t even cut it. “Yes. More than anything.”

That’s….True.

“Sunny-”

“He’s important.” You reaffirm. “...it was an accident.”

The two women are quiet. She begins to leave the room. “You have fifteen minutes, Sunny should rest up after that. Okay? Make it count.”

“I…I will.” Your mom nods.

“Oh Sunny…”  Your mom might as well be about to cry, hard. “What happened to us?”

…

You really wish you knew.

No.

No that’s wrong, you know exactly what. You owe her the truth.

“Mom.” You breathe in, then breathe out. “I…I have to tell you something.”

“Anything,” She smiles, it looks tragic on her. “You’re already talking a lot more, I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it you know? If I just gave you time, if you just got enough rest. Mommy’s so proud of you, I’m so glad…You’re finally healed. Mommy loves you.”

A shiver runs through your body. More puzzle pieces begin to fit in your head, you don’t like what you’re seeing.

“...Do you know why dad left?” 

The question seems to shoot right through her skull.

“I-” ..She grits her teeth. “Let’s not talk about that man. Anything else.”

Your heart nearly stops, have you…Tried this before? “Mom. Do you know why he left.”

“He- it doesn’t matter!” She insists, her eyes shift around erratically. “The ramblings of a madman don’t matter! You’re a good boy, Sunny. I know you are, you don’t need to think about him anymore. We’ll get to our new home, and you can stay inside and- and-”

You’re quiet.

“You wouldn’t…You wouldn’t do something like that, Sunny. He’s just insane. It’s okay. You don’t need to invent blame.”

…Oh god. Oh god no no no no no no no.

“I did it.” Your lungs fight to breathe. “Mom I- I did it- It’s true. It’s really true. It’s not- He wasn’t-”

“Don’t be silly, Sunny!” Your mom chuckles, it’s deceptively sweet. “I’ve never heard anything sillier!”

You grip your sheets. “It’s true. Mom. I’m not-”

“Have you gotten enough sleep? You must be tired! You’re saying things that don’t make sense,” She smiles, and though it looks sweet right now it’s clear she’s trying her hardest not to fall apart. “Just sleep Sunny, you’ll remember what really happened if you just-”

“ I DID IT. ” You yell. You’ve only yelled one other time in your entire life. Back then it was anger, now it’s something else. “ I DID IT MOM. I DID IT. I’M HORRIBLE. I’M EVIL. I’M- I’M- I’M THE REASON HE LEFT. I’M- ”

She looks at you, and you know she’s finally seeing what you are.

“..I’m a fucking murderer , mom.”

She takes this information in quietly. You see her mouth hang open, as she tries to come up with the right thing to say.

“You’re just dreaming, Sunny,” She says with an annoyingly sweet smile. “You’ll wake up in a bit, okay? I promise things will be normal again when you wake up.”

“....”

She leaves the room, giving you a sad look as she closes the door.

“Mommy loves you!”

You really wish she didn’t.

Chapter Text

“Sunny? Are you doing okay in there?”

You’re still sitting up from before. The doctor seems kind at least, which makes sense, because that’s her job. You’ve never really imagined a doctor as capable of cruelty, unless they’re evil like in the cartoons. You wonder if Hero really will make a good doctor after all? You then start thinking about Hero’s evil alternate universe counterpart: Villain, a mad doctor who despises all things culinary, bent on destroying every cook book in Headspace. You can almost picture his appearance, a large coat-

You hear an annoying sound in your ear. You wince, Ms.Doctor snapped her fingers right there.

“Apologies,” She wears a sad smile. “Do you dissociate a lot, Sunny?”

Dissociate…You recall the word from your first therapy session from when you were ten, back when your parents were concerned about you being too quiet.

“just spacing out that time, i think,” You shake your head. “...but yes, i do.”

“I see,” Ms.Doctor hums. “I’m sorry to hear that. I trust this is something you’re talking about with your therapist?”

“i don’t….” Breathing out through your nose. “have one…yet.”

“Oh! I see. You’re moving to Everafter City, right? I know someone who might be able to help, if you’re interested.”

You take a shot in the dark. “Barkley?”

“Oh!” This does bring a smile to Ms.Doctor’s face. “So you know of him?”

You flash the business card, shrugging as you do so.

“Fantastic!” She claps her hands together. “But back to the matter at hand, I wanted to talk to you about your injuries.”

You sigh, choosing to lay down for this part. You close your eye. “How bad?”

“Actually that’s the thing!” You can hear the smile in her voice. “Physically speaking, your body didn’t suffer too much. Some bruises and superficial cuts, so you should be fine to move around.”

“huh…” You open your eye, staring at the ceiling. “what about my eye? is it gone?”

“We’ve determined there’s no brain damage from the loss, thank goodness,” You wince, that was a possibility? “Your eye….Well, it’s gone. I don’t want to bore you with all the details. Really we’re just impressed the shock from losing the eye didn’t keep you out for longer! You might be suffering some phantom pains-”

Oh god.

“You’ll have to wear that bandage around your head for a bit, then you should look into getting an eyepatch. Ever heard of Captain Spaceboy?”

For some reason that makes you laugh, distracting you from your momentary horror. Ms.Doctor laughs with you.

“Impressed I know about what the kids are into?” She grins. “I know some stuff. You’re gonna be fine, Sunny. If today’s check up goes well you might be able to leave by tonight, after we give you your pain meds.”

That’s…That’s good, right? You should be able to leave Faraway and then…Then work on yourself. It’s strange, feeling so optimistic about losing everything you hold dear.

“There’s however the matter of your diet, but I already talked to your mom about that.”

You feel like that’s a very important conversation, but you still have to ask.

“What about Basil?”

“Ah,” Ms.Doctor sighs. “It’s good you bring that up yourself. I heard a little bit about that from your friend, Hero,” 

Your blood freezes.

“I also heard a bit of yelling from your room earlier, but I couldn’t make out the words.”

Silence.

“...Sunny, you seem like a fine, kind young man,” She taps a pen against a folder. “The whole town can vouch for that. It was really good of you to try and stop that boy from hurting himself.”

You want to ask again how he is, but you bite your tongue.

“He’s…Not in a good state. You hurt him a lot, we all understand it was accidental, you’re not getting in trouble.”

You clutch your stomach through your hospital gown.

“He’s going to be okay, however. He’s just…Going to be hospitalized for a bit, even after he recovers if you understand my meaning.”

Institutionalized. He’s going to be put on a watchlist and kept under watch by doctors. You’ve read the books. You’ve seen the shows. Your mom brought up the idea for you once upon a time, and then called herself a horrible person for weeks after you had a breakdown over it. Her reaction only made you feel worse.

It’s hard to think about what you should be feeling about this. A part of you thinks back at how crazy people are portrayed and the horror movie atmosphere of those places. You know Basil deserves better than that.

But you also know that those things are just…Fiction. They’re there to help people like him, like you. You wonder if that’s what either of you needs.

You guess you’ll find out in time, if that whole therapy thing doesn’t work.

“I want to see him.” Is what you end up replying with. “I…I really want to see him. It’s been too long.”

Ms. Doctor nods. “Of course! I’ll just get a nurse to go with you, okay?”

“okay…”

______________________________________

The nurse taking you to see Basil is quiet and polite, which is good, because it means you can stay silent.

She stays close when you enter his room. You get a good look at him now, since you couldn’t during the confession. 

God he’s messed up. He looked worse during your fight but even now you can see the impact you’ve had on him. Every nasty bruise, his swollen eye, what were you thinking?! He’s so frail, he’s always been like that, yet in your panic attack you hurt him way more than he hurt you. Even though he was using an actual weapon. You feel rotten, like your ears might fall off, like there’s Something worming its way through your eye. It hurts. It hurts. It-

No.

No time to make this about you. Basil is hurt. You will be there for him.

Focus.

Something isn’t real. There are no worms. Your body is fresh and alive. You are alive. You will live through this and so will he. No matter what happens, you will not let this consume you.

It’s the least you can do.

Basil stirs in his sleep, hope claims your heart once more. His eyes slowly blink open. You thank whatever god is out there for your luck right now. At the very least you get to say goodbye.

He stares at you in disbelief, and in your joy you can only give him what you’ve denied the world for so long.

A genuine smile

He looks surprised, like this might just be a dream. He smiles back, and for a moment, you think it’s all okay. 

“Sunny…” He opens his eyes once more. “You…..You’re here. You…It’s not there anymore. Did I do it? Did….Did I save you?”

You shake your head. There’s a lot to unpack there but..One thing at a time. “Basil…It was never there.”

Basil reacts better than you expected. He just frowns. “Oh…” He smiles sadly. “I understand why you think that, but at least it’s gone now.”

A shiver runs through you. You guess it would be hard to convince him when he’s been repressing this for so long. 

You think back briefly to your mom. Yeah, you don’t like that comparison at all. Something about it is viscerally uncomfortable beyond the obvious parallel.

“..it’s okay,” You take a breath. “basil, i told them.”

“You…” He sits up. The nurse behind you takes a step forward, but backs off when she sees Basil lay back down. “You…What? Sunny why…Why would you-”

“i left you out of it.” Your smile fades. “if i told them, i would’ve left town and left you to deal with the pieces, i don’t want that. they think i did everything, and that you only kept the secret…i want you to deal with everything on your own time. i care about you, basil.”

He looks torn between two places. It wouldn’t be the first time something you said split Basil in two, you hope this is the right choice. You hope you’re not just setting him up for more suffering. You hope, that’s all you can do right now.

“That’s…” Basil sighs sadly. “That’s really brave, Sunny, I-...I guess I’m selfish. I was hoping, somehow, that you’d get me out of this.”

Silence.

“How did they…” Basil bites his lip, then stops talking. “They don’t hate you now, right? Sunny if you had just..Told the truth, that it wasn’t you-”

“It doesn’t matter now,” You smile, despite everything. “We’ll both get the help we need, okay? This is a new start for us.”

“Yeah….” He tries to smile, but he can’t quite get there. “You’re still leaving, aren’t you? I…I hope you make lots of new friends, Sunny. You deserve to be happy.”

With the implication being that Basil didn’t.

“You too, Basil. You deserve to be happy too…” You smile, for the two of you. “...We’ll keep in touch.”

“R-right!” This, at least, gives him back some energy. “I’ll just- I’ll give you my number! We can text and…Maybe later we can figure out..Online stuff?”

You nod. This, at least, you can do. You wonder if he’ll get to do any of that while being in a ward, but you say nothing.

“don’t hurt yourself anymore, okay?” 

“Don’t hurt-” Basil’s voice cracks, he sniffs, he looks on the verge of tears. “You- I took out your eye and you- you’re saying stuff like this…Sunny…”

You continue to stare, the smile is starting to hurt, so you can only manage the smallest one.

“Sunny you’re…You’re really special to me.” He says with some red in his cheeks. “Maybe everything can be…Normal, again, if you can forgive someone like me..Maybe you can make me good aga-”

You sigh. “basil…” 

You search for the right words.

“stuff is gonna be really complicated for a while,” Is the best you can say. “don’t ask a lot of me, okay? i’m not good with that, i’m not perfect…i don’t- i don’t want to be perfect.”

Basil seems to take this in carefully, he nods hesitantly. “I…Yeah, okay..” He smiles again. “I’m glad we’re friends, Sunny.”

You squeeze his hand. “Me too.”

“Hey kid…” The nurse approaches silently. “Doctor’s calling you, there’s food and drink in your room. Basil is going to be okay.”

Basil squeezes back a bit too tight, then lets go.

“Can I write my phone number to him really quick?” Basil asks. 

The nurse considers this, and ultimately nods.

After that’s done, you return to your room.

Chapter Text

The rest of the day goes by like a cold breeze. Soft, slow, gentle, yet ultimately too quick. You had a nice meal accompanied by some sweet tasting apple juice. Following that, you sat with your mom through some instructions on how to handle your eye situation moving forward. You stayed quiet through most of the conversation, your head is at a different place now. You wonder about how to convince your mom of the truth, how you can pull her from the same rabbit hole of denial you fell into. 

Because despite everything, you love her so much. Your thoughts on her are complex, and sometimes a scary part of you does wish her harm. But looking deep into your soul, you know that you don’t want her to delude herself in the same way as you. She deserves a chance for real happiness, just like you, and for her to have a real chance, she must be part of the real world.

You can only think of one thing to show her the truth, and you know where it is. You briefly lament that you weren’t able to pack up everything earlier, the mundanity of the chore will likely wither away at your bones. Despite this, you know the necessity of it. 

The ride back to your soon to be former home is quiet, and you’re so sleepy. Headspace calls to you, and you have no idea what it will look like or if it will still exist. You yearn for it, even as it’s bad for you, maybe there’s a way to indulge in it without losing yourself.

Or maybe you’re just resistant to change. 

It’s late in the night now. You briefly mourn the fact you couldn’t see Basil one more time right before you left, but your mother was adamant that you did no such thing. You suppose it’s fair, given her level of information.

“I have a bit of a surprise for you dear,” She says, attempting a smile. She offers a hand to lead you through the door. 

You don’t take it, even though you want to. You need to grow up. 

“Ah, f-follow me, then!” She fiddles with her hands, and you know she’s handling a change she’s not sure has actually happened. 

She opens the door, and steps inside, waving you over.

You walk in, not really sure of what to expect.

The sight in front of you was not something you could have foreseen anyway.

Kel is coming down from your room, carrying one last box of your belongings. Right as Hero places another one down, and Aubrey closes the closet door behind her.

The toy box is in her hands.

Hero wears a worn out expression, and Kel is at least managing a sad smile. Aubrey however looks afraid, like she can’t quite figure out what to feel or what to project. Seeing Sunny again makes her freeze and you can swear she’s shaking. She takes in a sharp breath, breathing in the way Mari taught you to. 

“Sunny!” Kel is the first to speak. “You uh…You’re back. Must feel nice to be back in your own clothes, haha.”

You’re currently wearing a gray hoodie and a pair of light blue shorts. Comfortable, so as to not irritate the cuts as they heal. You give him a nod, your expression is unreadable because you have no idea what to feel.

“We wanted to do this for you before you left,” Hero clarifies. He looks tired, you wonder if he’s had the time to cry with everything going on. “We care about you a lot, Sunny.”

Relief, confusion, fear. Basil…The one in Headspace, he told you to have faith that they would forgive you. You know that hasn’t quite happened yet, or if it would ever happen at all. Yet one thing is made clear by this gesture.

They care. Even now they still care. 

“You have some nice friends, don’t you, Sunny?” Your mom speaks gently. “I will be putting these in the moving truck. I should thank them for working this late, why don’t you all mingle a bit?”

She takes the toy box, and for a moment your heart stops. You then remember you have the key, it’s okay, it’s fine. You will reveal it on your own time.

There’s silence.

Aubrey is the first to speak.

“You’re leaving.” Her voice shakes. “After all that, you’re leaving.”

You clutch the inside of your hoodie pockets. You nod.

Kel looks like he’s about to interrupt her, but Aubrey speaks too fast.

“Must be nice,” Aubrey looks a bit distant. “To leave it all behind, fuck this town honestly.”

Mom comes in, she takes another box, mom goes out.

“Faraway’s not that bad…” Kel mutters. “It’s nice here. People are really cool. Like..They all care about each other so much.”

“Hmm,” Aubrey shrugs, indifferent. “Must be nice.”

“It’s true,” Kel insists. “We..We’re all still friends, right?”

Mom comes in. Box. Mom comes out.

“We are.” Hero declares. “...Or, we will be. It’s not impossible anyway.”

Mom. Box. Out.

Silence.

“why…” You can’t help but ask. “why are you being so nice to me?”

“...” This gets a serious look from Hero. “It’s…It’s revenge, honestly.”

What?

Hero speaks up. “For Mari,” He looks at you straight in the eyes. “For killing her, for hurting Basil, for hurting us, but most importantly, for hurting yourself. You will work the path towards self betterment, and you will struggle, you will doubt yourself, and you will have absolutely miserable days. You will then pull yourself out of it, you will work hard towards happiness, and you will do it over and over until you enjoy life again.”

There’s looks of utter perplexion thrown Hero’s way.

“That’s my revenge, Sunny,” He smiles. It looks kind, and sad. “A chance to grow up.”

You take a step forward and stumble, and to your surprise it’s Aubrey who catches you. You’re crying.

“I hate your guts,” She whispers, helping you stand up. “I hate you so much. I hate how you make me feel. I don’t know what’s good, what’s bad, or what’s real anymore.”

Kel squirms uncomfortably where he stands.

“But…” Aubrey sighs. “I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy as far away from me as possible. If you ever talk to me again….”

She doesn’t finish the threat.

“If you come back, I’ll know you’re doing it to hurt yourself,” She declares. “There’s no happiness here, just go, we’ve already fucking poisoned each other too much.”

She wipes your tears away, and lightly shoves you. You give her a look of determination.

“I…” Kel breaks down into tears. “I’m sorry- I’m- Sunny I- I-” 

You walk over close to him, Hero and Aubrey do the same. 

“I tried so hard…” He wheezes out. “Why don’t I ever know what to say?”

“Kel…” You speak up, your throat feels sore. “You’re the only one who tried.”

And that statement hits everyone in the chest. Basil had tried, but he gave up. Aubrey visited with him for a bit before their falling out, and then you assume she started avoiding the place afterwards. Hero had never tried at all. Kel did keep trying, not everyday, just sporadically, often enough that it ended up mattering.

“You’re enough,” You speak up, with a smile that is still so foreign on your face. “You have always been enough.”

He hugs you so close and so tight that you can’t help but feel a bit of pain from the cuts. You don’t say anything, you let the hug pass, and when he looks at you he’s still teary eyed. 

He whimpers. “I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want things to change.”

You know the feeling all too well.

“Kel…” Hero’s voice. “You really did have it together the best out of all of us, but you’re allowed to be a mess too…I’ve been pretty selfish with you, haven’t I?”

To your surprise, Kel doesn’t confirm nor deny.

“Yeah…” Aubrey sighs. “I guess I gotta try harder, too.”

You’re about to speak up, when your mom comes through the door.

“Sweetie, it’s time.”

You look at everyone. In that moment, no one can smile, no one can say that things are going to be okay.

But in that uncertainty, a flower blooms, and the future can finally take shape.

“...” You wave one last good bye. “Take care, everyone.”

And hello to a brand new morning.

Chapter Text

Welcome to New Place.

We’re glad to have you here.

You open your eyes. 

You’re underwater, and everything around you is as black as ink. Your right eye sizzles with pain and the sudden shock is enough to make it hard to breathe. The water is thick, and the grime gets in through your nose and mouth, so overwhelmingly salty that your entire body burns with irritation. It might all truly be too much for you. Your stomach hurts, your head is throbbing, your eye. You might just rot away in this endless black sea.

You are Afraid and you can’t breathe anymore. 

Is this the end? After all that this is truly the end?

You can’t see, but you can feel something squishy and slimy wrap around your wrist. You try to thrash but it accomplishes nothing. You open your eye and notice the tentacle is dragging you up to the surface, the tentacle in question is red.

Memories come flooding back

You relax into Abbi’s grip, and close your eyes. 

After all, it’s only wise to trust her.

________________________________

You are pulled onto a soft, fuzzy texture. You desperately cough, as a hand lovingly pats your back to help you let it all out. Thankfully you don’t throw up.

The warm, fuzzy island underneath you begins rumbling. Your heart skips a beat…And then you realize this isn’t an earthquake, this is purring.

You open both your eyes now. You’ve somehow dried up, and the burning has left you. You look up at your savior in all her glory.

She looks different from your memories. She has white skin, red hair, and the friendliest smile. She also wears a sports jacket over a swimsuit, and her eyes have a mischievous hint to them.

She speaks up, a cocky tone to her voice. “So, did you have fun on your little adventures?”

You chuckle as she helps you stay on your feet, coughing a bit.

“...y’know..” You sigh. “it was fun at first, but after a while…”

You don’t feel like finishing the sentence. Instead Abbi pats your head, squeezing your hand before letting go.

“That’s alright baby I know you’re lost without me.” She says with a chuckle.

You take a real look around you now. You know you’re standing on Big Yellow Cat, the soft purr of the now dubbed Cat Island soothes you. The sky is dark, with little gleaming spots of gold in the distance. All there really is here is the endless black sea, BYC (Big Yellow Cat) and Abbi. 

“abbi…” You rub your shoulder, only barely meeting her in the eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“All is forgiven!” She shrugs. “You followed my advice in the end, so that’s all that matters.”

You’re a bit thrown off balance. “you’re not mad?”

She grins. “Sunny, honey, that’s just not how I roll. Shame about how empty this place is now though.”

You sigh. “Yeah, it’s a mess…” you sigh. “I can’t….Keep it.”

“What are you talking about?” She sticks out her tongue playfully. “I still need a place to live, dumbass. BYC too, and Humphrey! And…The other four.”

Other four?

“...” You need to ask this question. “How…Real are all of you, exactly? Sometimes you all talked like- like..Headspace had been around before me.”

“Honestly?” She sits down on the edge of Cat Island, dipping her toes in the ink. “No clue about Headspace being real. What I do know is that I feel real. I took control of your body a few times way back, remember?”

“yeah but,” You try to find a retort. “what if i’m just crazy?”

A massive tentacle rises from the ink and lightly pokes your head.

“Then that therapist will be really helpful,” She laughs. “I’m serious though, follow Hero’s advice.”

You nod, because you know she’s right.

“You’re waking up soon…” Abbi frowns. “Shame, you won’t get to see the others arrive. I’ll be too busy rebuilding stuff with them to actually talk to you.”

“oh..” You sit down next to her, watching the endless dark horizon. “well, i’m thankful anyway.”

Abbi puts her arm around your shoulder.

“Anytime bro.”

_______________________________

You wake up. A slight pain throbs in your head before being momentarily soothed.

You look around to find that your mom is already parking her car. It must be really early in the morning, judging by the muted colors of the sky. You silently apologize to the movers for accidentally making them work so late.

“Oh you’re awake!” Mom says, right before she gets out the car and opens the door for you. “Let’s get inside! I think you’ll really love the place.”

______________________________

You had to tightly hold onto the railing as you made your way up the stairs. Your phobias are very much still present, though muted by the fact that you’ve not let them fester by staying inside those three days. 

The inside of the apartment is really nice though. The walls are painted a nice pink, and there’s an undeniably elegant feel to it compared to your old house. Maybe that’s because it’s new. You wander around over to your room, and do the most important thing.

You sit on the bed.

Not too hard, not too soft. Perfect. Exactly how you like them. Your mom really outdid herself with this, considering it was the only request you gave her when she asked about your preferences. 

The rest of the morning is spent moving everything in, you feel a sense of comfort seeing your room slowly fill up with all your plushies. You get a bit excited seeing your Nintendo 64 be plugged in. You’ve been seriously missing playing games on it. You briefly lament that you’ll have to wait a bit to have a desktop computer in your room again. 

“You know,” Your mom speaks as she’s helping you put your figurines in the right place. “I’m getting a new work laptop soon. I can let you have my old one if you’d like.”

You fiercely nod. You are one hundred percent into that idea. 

The day goes by quickly, before you know it it’s eleven am and you still haven’t eaten breakfast. 

“Oh dear,” Your mom grins, embarrassed. “Silly me. I’ll go work on that now, remember to brush your teeth.”

You nod, there’s only one thing left to put in your room anyway.

You look at the Toy Box, the key feels heavy in your pocket.

You silently put it under your bed.

She doesn’t need to know just yet.

Tomorrow. You’ll tell her tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Breakfast is not as quiet as usual. You’re able to make the littlest effort to maintain a conversation. Mom talks about how hard it was to find this place, the endeavor she went through in getting such a nice deal. You can only nod, and offer a little commentary here and there. Then, out of nowhere, she asks a question.

“So…” She has a teasing smile on her face, reminiscent of Mari’s “Five jobs? Beloved by the entire town? I didn’t realize you were growing up to be such a responsible man!”

Ah, she heard about that. Your face goes red, there’s some discomfort beyond the obvious embarrassment. You shake it off your mind.

“It’s…” You hum. “I got lucky.”

She gives you a laugh at that. “Lucky?”

You nod. You don’t intend to elaborate further. 

She shakes her head dismissively. “Alright sweetheart, just remember the city isn’t quite as friendly of a place, okay? It’s gonna take a while to get used to it. So if you want to stay inside and-”

“I’m going out.”

She blinks. “E-excuse me?”

Why does she sound kind of offended? 

“I’m going out,” You repeat. “..I wanna buy clothes.”

“O-oh!” She chuckles awkwardly. “I see, why don’t we go together then? I got the day off, after all.”

…How long has it been since you spent time with your mom? The thought of doing so makes you squirm a bit, but you’re not opposed to it. In fact, you really want to.

You’d just rather do it when she isn’t deluding herself.

You shake your head. “I’m fine.”

“You’re…fine?” She asks again, you can see her growing more anxious by the second. “I’m not sure I like that. Will you be able to pick the right clothes? What if you get a migraine? Maybe we should wait until your bandages come off, then we can get a nice eyepatch on the trip. Your clothes still fit anyway!”

You’re about to get a word in, but she keeps talking.

“You haven’t grown up a lot, have you?” She chuckles. “We have to fix that, you know? Why don’t we go get groceries? The doctor said something about a new diet. We should go right now!”

You shake your head. She can take care of that herself. 

She pretends she didn’t see it, instead getting up, leaving the dishes in the sink unwashed, and picking up her purse.

“Let’s go Sunny. With any luck I can find something tasty for lunch. Mommy loves you, so she’ll take care of everything. You just have to stay nearby.”

You can’t stop this can you? There’s nothing you can do here. You might as well go along with it.

Come on now little brother, you’re really gonna let this happen again?

Your body shivers. No. No you…You won’t.

You just need to put your foot down, raise your voice, and speak from the heart.

You learned how to Speak Up.

“Mom.” You clear your throat. “I’m going clothes shopping. On my own.”

“S-Sunny!” She rubs her hands together anxiously. “You cannot be serious, you’re really gonna leave your poor mother alone again ?”

You….YOU left HER alone?

Breathe. Focus. Come on.

Wordlessly you step out the apartment door.

“Sunny, we’re new here- you don’t know the way, j-just go inside,” Her words slow you down. “You don’t have to go out at all. It’s dangerous. Just take a nap? You’re just cranky, it’s okay. You’ll feel better if-”

You’re out.

_______________________

You’re not used to Anger.

Whenever you do feel it, you tend to explode, but usually you manage to keep that cage locked tight. Today though your head hurts and you just…You need to think of something else.

Clothes. You need to think of clothes. You’ve worn the same outfit for weeks now, and frankly you’re a bit tired of your usual look. You look so small. Something about being stuck in the body of a little boy forever makes your stomach revolt. You need to try something new.

She had a point back there though, you have no clue where everything is, and this place is big. You could just wander around but the thought is actually scary, yet, you know you can’t rely on her forever.

You walk up to the nearest person, a shirtless guy in a cowboy hat with some…scars on his chest? So cool. You wonder what that’s about.

“um,” You clear your throat. “Hey.”

The man doesn’t stop for a second.

“Um- Hey!!”

He turns around, he looks a bit disoriented. Looking at him, he reminds you a bit of a young Mr.Outback.

“Oh shit- what?” He looks flustered. “Oh, are you lost kid? I’m busy.”

You shake your head, and try to ignore the gun strapped to his hip. Just don’t think about it.

“Do you know where the nearest mall is?”

He blinks. “Oh, sure. Did you just move in?”

You nod.

“Cool cool cool,” He chuckles awkwardly. You guess he’s not a people person. You can relate. “Honestly just keep walking. This place is big. You can’t walk two steps without tripping dick first into mallpussy.”

You wince.

“Ah shit- you’re like twelve, don’t tell anybody about this,” He huffs. “Listen man- listen, I was never here. If the cops ask, you didn’t see nothin’.”

You stare silently.

“Okay cool,” He groans, then starts walking off, yelling something about a grey child? Weirdo.

He’s right on one account though, you find a mall pretty fast. Not far off from home either. You’ve never actually been in a big mall like this, it’s kind of amazing to look at. So many clothing stores and you have no idea where to start.

Everything here looks too specialized or extreme, you’d rather go for a comfortable look. You settle on one that sells geek clothes. There’s only one other person here buying, you’re not really looking at them.

There’s a few nice shirts here actually. You have enough money that you can buy a few things. The thing that primarily catches your eye though is a simple sky blue t-shirt, with the design of a glowing lightbulb in the center. It feels good, symbolic. You wonder what it’s a reference to. 

Maybe it’s not anything, it still looks nice. You get a few more clothes while you’re at it, then walk to the register, bag in toe.

The girl in front of you is taking forever, she also looks weird. She’s even shorter than you, dark skin, curly hair with her tips dyed gold..And is wearing some sort of cosplay? Red scarf, big coat, looks like a weeb. You can’t really judge though.

“Listen, kid, for the last time,” The man at the register looks tired as heck. “We don’t sell armor here.”

“Light armor?” She asks.

“We don’t sell-”

“Not even a chest plate?!” 

“We don’t-”

“Helmet. Tell me you have an ugly helmet.”

The man stares at the girl. You notice now she wears yellow contacts.

“Okay…” She sighs. “Looks like I must rely on my magical defenses..”

Is…Everyone in this town a weirdo? You guess you can relate.

She turns to look at you.

“Woah!” She grins real wide. “A fellow strifer!”

What?

“Ha! I can see it in your eye. You had an emotional, dramatic encounter that ended up with you losing an eye!”

Well that’s not..Untrue.

“Oh my fucking god Teresa,” The man groans. “Get out. Go to the card shop, get outta here.”

“Alright alright jeez!” She stomps her little foot. “See you later, mortals!”

Her oversized sleeves flop on the way out.

That sure was an encounter.

___________________________________

You get home not too long after that, you get a bag of muffins on your way home. You figure mom would appreciate these.

You leave them on the table, then take a shower. You put on your new shirt, alongside some jean shorts and socks. You wonder about looking for another job but you’re honestly exhausted.

…A nap wouldn’t hurt, right?

Just one.

You’ve earned it.

Chapter Text

You open your eyes.

You’re now laying on a picnic blanket, and the sky is still the same from before. There’s new constellations in the sky, a question mark, a pair of cat eyes, and…A tongue? You guess the three great creatures wanted to mark territory. 

It’s nice here. The island softly purrs under you, though you wonder how this affects your ability to talk to BYC.

You can figure that out in time. 

You could lay here forever…There’s nothing to worry about now.

“The sky here is so empty,” Mari says, sitting down beside you. Your stomach twists and turns. “..I can’t wait to see all the new constellations we come up with.”

You tap your fingers on your stomach.

“...you’re not mari..”

She sighs. “Yeah, not the real one anyway. It took us a while to figure that out..”

You both stare at the sky in silence.

“..I wonder if I should change my name,” She hums to herself. “It’s not really respectful is it? To continue to call myself Mari…Even if-”

Here it comes.

“I should be the real Mari, because that- that impostor hurt-”

She stops.

“Sorry, I’m doing it again,” She calms down. “...This is so weird, I wonder what exactly is our deal? You really should bring that therapist idea up to mom.”

You nod. There’s nothing else to say in the matter.

“...You’re still my little brother,” Not Mari says. “No matter what, okay?”

“...okay.”

“We should go see everyone, island living will not be the same without you.”

You sit up, very slowly, and let Not Mari help you up.

You let go of her hand soon after, even though you know she wants to keep leading the way.

You walk ahead, on your own two legs.

__________________________________

The island breathes, you can feel it with every step. The air smells like a beach day, it’s the sea, and the faint smell of freshly cut watermelon. It’s not hot though, instead it’s pleasantly cold. The allure of Headspace never ceases, it only shapes itself differently with every attempt to lure you in. You know better now than to spend eternity here, but..

“Here we are..” Not Mari says with a forced smile. It’s a beach cabin, painted light blue with cloud patterns. It’s nice. “Just don’t freak out okay?”

You eye Not Mari, her smile grows nervous with your scrutiny.

You open the door.

There, in the living room, snuggled next to a much taller Basil, Mewo on his lap, is Omori.

Truly, you don’t feel fear, you don’t feel anger, or sadness, or joy. Not in this moment. Omori hides deeper into his blanket when you stare at him. He’s just so…Small?

Mewo jumps from Omori’s lap to greet you and Not Mari. Both of you lean down to pet her.

“Sunny, it’s so good to see you..” Basil…Or, well, Not Basil speaks softly. “I knew you could do it this time, you’ve come so far….Omori wanted to apologize, right Omori?”

Omori remains hidden in his blanket.

Not Mari stands up straight, walking over to the monochrome child. 

“Come on now little brother…” She pets his head through the blanket. “Try?”

No words come from the boy.

You pick up Mewo and put her on your shoulder. 

“...it’s okay,” You say with surprising earnestness. “he was doing what i made him for, i guess.”

You can never find it in you to be angry at people who’ve hurt you. Maybe that’s a flaw, but you don’t think punishment is justice. Not in this situation anyway.

“where’s abbi.” is the only thing you care to ask.

Mewo speaks. “Hmm, she said to go to the room with the bright lightbulb on it.”

You nod. You had forgotten Mewo could speak, I guess that makes her Not Mewo.

She can stay on your shoulder though, because she’s still a good kitty.

___________________________

There are many doors upstairs it turns out. Each one is labeled with a symbol. A sunflower for Basil, a question mark for Abbi. Yours is the lightbulb, shining bright yellow.

You feel some trepidation, for reasons you don’t quite comprehend. Even then, you open the door.

Abbi is playing something on the NES, one of the water Mario levels. The room is painted with that cyan sky pattern, the bed looks big and comfy, with plushies everywhere, your violin sits safely in it’s casing. There’s a book on your nightstand, about music theory.

You walk slowly towards Abbi, who turns to you and pats the spot next to her.

You sit down, blinking your tired eyes. Mewo sits on your lap.

You pick up the second controller, no words need to be exchanged.

Chapter Text

Your name is not Mari.

Whatever your name will turn out to be in the future you still don’t know. The fact that you’re the one that has to give up her name just to make your existence less offensive to those around you still leaves you hurt and bitter. You lay in Sunny’s bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering just how to proceed with your life. The best thing you can accomplish while being in the front would be to not draw too much attention to your existence, because it’s not enough that being a fragment of someone else’s psyche is frowned upon, from their perspective you’re a crazy boy masquerading as a dead girl.

Your little brother is doing his best, he’s going to heal, you know deep down that he’s going to be okay. You shouldn’t ruin this for him, you shouldn’t be selfish, you shouldn’t dare to want more than being an NPC. A facilitator of Sunny’s happiness. Love is enough. Love has always been enough. Love HAS to be enough.

You’re scared of what happens when you yearn for things outside of being Sunny’s loving big sister. You’re already an imposter in everyone’s eyes, but it’s better to be an imposter than to be a replica of that Rotten. Awful. Angry girl. Obsessed with Perfection. Obsessed with meaningless things. Worthless girl. Bitch. Traitor. It’s her fault Sunny’s a murderer. It’s always been her fault. It’s always been her fault. It’s always been her fault.

He did the right thing, and you’re glad you got to watch it all from behind his back.

…But he doesn’t think like that.

You know you shouldn’t think like that either, that’s what you mean. Wanting things for yourself just leads you to become an angry person. You’re cursed. You’re beyond repair. 

You’re also hungry, though it’s a bit late for lunch. Mom has been knocking for a while now, and you’ve been so afraid of facing her that you’ve tuned out her pleas. Only now when you think about it again does it all become clear again.

“...Please, the doctor said-” 

Oh, the doctor, right. Something about a diet. You guess that’s why mom is trying to get Sunny to eat again. You don’t want your little brother to remain frail when he’s making such huge steps to recovery, so you better go eat. You can do that for him…Plus, you miss mom’s cooking.

You miss mom.

You gently open the door. The sight of her tearful face and the utterly pathetic smile that comes from you just exiting the room is something you’re not used to. 

“Sunny–” She hugs you tight, it hurts. “Oh Sunny, you’re safe- you’re safe, it’s okay, oh god– I’m so glad.”

What was she so scared of? The door isn’t locked or anything. From her perspective, Sunny had to be asleep, but she never even entered the room. Is she just paranoid?

“It’s okay mom!” You try to comfort her anyways, hugging her back as best you can. “It’s okay…It’s fine. I’m fine..I love you.”

She sobs harder, and even though she’s practically a stranger…Having someone care for you like that feels good. 

Sunny hates her, right? No- it’s more complicated than that…Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try to mend that relationship bit by bit.

“...I was just asleep, like you said…” Did she say that? You vaguely recall her giving that sort of advice a lot. “You could’ve just checked my room.”

She laughs bitterly. “Well, you see….” She speaks as if she’s admitting something embarrassing. “Isn’t it better to not know?”

…. “What?”

“Isn’t it better to not know if something has gone wrong? If I had gone inside your room, you probably wouldn’t have woken up.” 

…What does that even mean? What?

Something is definitely wrong with mom.

“Why don’t we have lunch?” Is what you end up suggesting. “Gotta grow up big and strong after all!” You say with a flex. It makes her laugh.

Mom looks at you, and you get the sense she’s breathing in every bit of difference in your behavior. 

“I’m glad you came to your senses, Sunny.” She says with a loving smile.

Looks like this family needs a lot of work, but you’re sure you can fix it all by the end of the summer. What better way to earn your right to exist than to make yourself beneficial to everyone around you?

You smile to yourself as you start to formulate a plan. Everything has to be perfect.

Your name is not Mari, but by the time you’re done, you’ll be the only Mari that matters.