Work Text:
1.
(He) fought with Rinne-kun today. [1]
Niki Shiina was peeling potatoes in Cinnamon Café; the pale yellow skin was sliced thinly by his blade and when it fell from his hand, it curled up into a long, complete spiral.
“Haish.” Niki placed the peeled potato in a large pot beside him, the potatoes inside piling up into a mountain. Preparing ingredients is an aspect of his part-time job.
“Twenty.”
“Eh?” Niki looked at the store manager who suddenly spoke up next to him.
“You sighed twenty times in ten minutes, Little Shiina,” [2] the other said with a worried look. “Your heart and soul isn’t here today. Did something happen? If you're not feeling well, you can leave work earlier.”
Niki continued to peel the potatoes as he replied. “Please don’t worry, I’m fine… Ah!”
During their conversation, he inadvertently cut his index finger on the blade. Fresh blood rushed out from the wound, spurting onto the potato in his hand. He cried out in pain, instinctively turning on the faucet to rinse his finger under the cold water.
The store manager handed him an alcohol swab and a band-aid. “Is everything really okay?”
“Uh-huh! Everything’s fine! However, this potato was stained with blood so it can’t be served to the customers — can I take care of it? I’m sorry to have troubled you.” Niki turned off the faucet with his hand still wet, smiling and apologising to the store manager as he took the items.
Ultimately, the other didn’t say anything other than telling him to say something if he wanted to leave work early or ask for leave.
"Uh-huh!" Niki forced out a smile and nodded.
Watching the store manager’s figure leave to greet the customers, the curve his lips strained to form gradually disappeared. He sighed the moment he lowered his head, recalling the situation this morning.
“I’m going out now,” Rinne Amagi called out to Niki before leaving. Niki was still picking up the clothes on the ground then, planning to throw them into the washing machine all at once.
He lifted his head after making a noise in response, before glancing at the item in the other’s hand.
“Wait a minute. Rinne-kun, is that my wallet in your hand? If possible, I hope you leave the house alone. Can you return my wallet to me?”
Niki’s arms are still filled with both their clothes. He momentarily hesitated over which is more important: Putting the clothes down so he can steal his wallet back or doing the laundry?
“I’ve said this before — if you’re hungry, feel free to eat my arm or wherever else you’d like. After all, we’ve already become one and naturally, this applies to your wallet as well~ ”
Rinne continues to spew his absurd logic.
“Ah, plus, Niki is my goddess of luck! Using your money to gamble means that today, I’m sure to win until even pots of gold overflow! [3] Gyahahaha ♪ I just have this hunch!”
Tossing their clothes on the sofa, Niki strode forward to snatch his wallet back from Rinne. “No way! This time, no matter what you say, I won’t let things go your way!
“Plus, I didn’t even eat your flesh, did I?!”
“Don’t be so stingy, come on.” Rinne held his wallet over his head. “I’ll just be borrowin’ ten thousand yen.”
“No! Not even a thousand!” Niki flatly refused his unreasonable request. “I won’t talk about how you haven’t even returned the money from last time, but this is my living expenses for the second half of the month!
“If you take it away, what exactly am I going to eat?”
“That’s why I said I’ll win today.” Rinne’s face still had that look, as though victory was within his grasp, just that now his voice held a tinge of exasperation. “I’ll win about ten times or so back for you to see!”
“Don’t overdo it! I really wish that you won’t go gambling anymore. Most of the time, aren’t you returning with a loss? Then you tell me something along the lines of ‘I’ve got no money to eat for this month, so I’m counting on ya~’?
“In the end, it’s just me who’s working hard, isn’t it? On the contrary, Rinne-kun’s freeloading meals at my house like nobody’s business…” Many miserable memories resurfaced in Niki’s mind and the more he thought about them, the angrier he felt.
“That’s too much, Niki, speakin’ like I’m absolutely useless… I’m working hard and doing things too.”
Rinne blocked his flailing hand in the air and in a fit of exasperation, Niki grabbed onto Rinne’s arm and bit into it, only to release it immediately as though having eaten a rancid piece of meat.
“Give me back my wallet!” Niki’s cheeks were bulging angrily, his messily-tied hair similar to that of an animal’s tail, unkempt and fried. “Outrageous, Rinne-kun is really outrageous! You're not reliable at all! What are you working hard on? Gambling?!”
“Geez, that hurts! You’re basically a puppy biting indiscriminately right now.” Rinne pushed Niki further away from him before adding, “but I don’t hate it~ Our little puppy Niki looks so cute when he desires pats from his owner~ ”
Niki, in the throes of his anger, did not register any words; the only thought on his mind was getting back his wallet from Rinne.
He bared his inner feelings out loud. “I hate you! Saying I’m like a dog, Rinne-kun is the one who’s a dog, a stray dog that I picked up with the most terrible personality!
“If I had known this earlier, I wouldn’t have picked you up — life would have been a lot less troublesome by myself!
“Isn't this how fate has inextricably linked us together?” Rinne said. “Alright, don’t be angry anymore. After all, I know Niki loves~ me the most, isn’t that right?”
Rinne’s hand reached out, attempting to soothe Niki by patting his head. Said hand was knocked away with a loud slap.
“This kind of fate, isn't it just bad luck? If that’s the case, I might as well not have picked you up on the street from the start; every day I spend living with Rinne-kun is so exhausting, Rinne-kun should at least learn how to not inconvenience others, right?!”
For a while, Rinne was silent.
“Do you really think that way?”
Rinne’s face turned sombre, the expression in his eyes shifting into something fierce, almost confrontational; the way he had asked that question, coupled with a low voice, made him look a little terrifying.
However, you can’t take back words once they’ve been said and faced with Rinne’s question, all Niki could do was bite the bullet and voice his remaining thoughts.
“That’s right, I’ve had enough! I don’t want to see Rinne-kun ever again!”
Niki’s heart pounded with drum beats. After saying those words, he realised he would never ever speak like this to the other.
Looking at Rinne’s face, it’s likely that he would be unable to escape calamity once again. A burst of panic surged in his heart and Niki forcefully clamped his eyes shut, fearing Rinne’s fist that might be swung towards him in the next moment.
Rinne looked at Niki’s trembling figure — his eyelids were shut, eyelashes fluttering involuntarily like a frail little animal that would be blown over by a puff of wind — and his Adam’s apple bobbed. In the end, Rinne didn’t say anything.
He squeezed the tattered wallet in his hand, threads fraying at the edges. Niki had used this wallet for the longest time, always unwilling to replace it.
Rinne suddenly felt that this whole thing was really pointless and threw Niki’s wallet at his head.
“Got it. I’ll leave now.” He coldly left a single sentence before shutting the door.
It wasn’t until the sound of Rinne’s footsteps going downstairs gradually faded off that Niki opened his eyes, collapsing in a boneless heap on the floor. Rinne didn’t resort to using violence like he usually did, which was good for him.
Yet, for some reason, his heart feels faintly on tenterhooks.
“... In any case, that guy will come back when he’s hungry.” Niki looked at the wallet beside his legs and pursed his lips.
“Okay, time to do the laundry, there are still lots of things I haven’t done.”
Niki continued to mumble to himself as he returned his wallet back to its original place, finding something else to busy himself with.
“Sure enough, the words I said this morning were too much…” Niki kept his head down as he swept the floor, the wound on his finger still dully aching. He should make something delicious tonight when Rinne comes home to make up for this morning.
Whenever Niki eats food he likes, all his unhappiness vanishes in a puff of smoke. People are just that simple.
Niki recalled a time they went out together to eat not long after Rinne’s appearance. Rinne was taken by the smell of pizza on the sidewalk and found his way to the shop, pointing at the signboard and asking him what this is. The two of them had entered the store and bought their cheapest pizza.
Rinne had bitten into the crust and pulled long strings of cheese, praising the pizza endlessly afterwards. Rinne, at that moment, smiled contently and told Niki that they’d come back next time, and he had agreed.
If an opportunity arises, I should go and take a look there again.
Tonight, he’s going to scatter mozzarella cheese all over the pizza he’s making. Alternatively, making thin-crust Italian pizza would be nice too, baking the pizza crust until all the moisture is gone — creating a crispy crunch with the first bite.
However, their house doesn't have a professional oven and the pizza won’t taste as good if he only used the standard oven.
An opportunity like this rarely comes by, so how about I just go buy a pizza from that same store and bring it home after work?
Niki’s mood improved at that thought, his movements becoming a lot more nimble while finishing his work duties.
When he left work, Niki took that potato with him. Earlier on, he had soaked it in salt water and used cling film to wrap it to prevent the potato from oxidising.
The sky was dimming towards nighttime and pedestrians were hurrying along the road. Most of them were rushing home after getting off from work, the potato weighing heavily in his bag as Niki walked unhurriedly in the crowd.
He followed his memory to the store’s vicinity but he couldn’t even find the store’s signboard, let alone mention the smell of pizza — there was nothing in the air.
Niki approached the employee of the store next to him. “Excuse me, may I know if there’s a pizza store nearby?”
“Oh, that store has moved away already.”
“Ah, I see — then, might you know where the store moved to?”
“Sorry, I don’t know anything about that.”
“No, no, I’m sorry to have bothered you.”
Niki could only walk back the way he came to return back home, a trace of emptiness in his heart. To think that the pizza store had already moved away, and I have no clue how long it's moved since then.
“There’s no other way… Alright, I’ll make it.” The supermarket became Niki’s new destination.
When he arrived home with various plastic bags in his hands, Niki was exhausted to the bone. With great difficulty, he freed one hand, taking out his key and opening the front door.
“Rinne-kun, come over and help me carry these bags~ ”
He waited for a moment but no one answered.
“Rinne-kun?” He stuck his head inside the house, only to be greeted by pitch-black darkness. He shifted the ingredients into the hallway before turning on the lights, realising the house was in the same state he left it this morning.
“Eh~ He's not back yet? Aish, it doesn’t matter — let’s cook, let’s cook~”
Niki leisurely brought the items into the kitchen while humming a song under his breath. Remembering the potato that was still in his bag, he thought, Ah, I might as well make some nikujaga as an extra dish.
2.
The preparation for the pizza took longer than expected, so much so that two hours had passed when Niki finally set the dough into the oven. Now, all that’s left is for the pizza to be baked and Rinne-kun to come home.
Niki turned on the television, which happened to be introducing a newly-opened French restaurant. Having busied himself non-stop on end, he hadn’t eaten anything and his stomach growled incessantly.
Niki’s saliva was already hooked by the tantalising images on the screen, drool almost falling out of his mouth.
“The food there looks super duper delicious! Rinne-kun, go with me next time…”
Eyes sparkling, he turned around, only to remember that no one was behind him.
“By the time he comes back, the pizza can only be eaten as a late-night snack, huh?” Niki mumbled to himself, watching duck confit on the television.
He planned to make a simple bowl of noodles for himself and wait for Rinne to come back. That way, they would get to eat supper together too.
I’ll just apologise to him then; after all, I’ve stopped feeling angry a long time ago.
“Mm mm, Rinne-kun will definitely be very happy.”
The smell that wafted from the oven crept into his nose and Niki put on gloves before carefully taking out the pizza. The bed of cheese wrapped the ingredients warm and snug, and looking at the pizza would make anyone's appetite increase tenfold.
Niki’s stomach growled louder at the sight. Faced with this pizza that is a plateful of temptation, his body couldn’t help but pool saliva in his mouth. “Ah, I really wanna eat this…
“It smells so good~ ♪”
He drew a frame with his fingers along the edge of the pizza and sighed, before proceeding to cook his noodles.
An hour later, Niki was curled up on the sofa and idly sifting through the television channels, overcome with boredom. He isn’t interested in any of the current shows on the late-night television programme; their clothes have been washed and hung outside to dry; the dishes have been washed — the pizza and nikujaga had been wrapped with cling wrap and placed in the fridge once he’d finished cooking them, and can be easily heated up for consumption.
After methodically checking off the list of to-do things in his head to see what he might have missed, Niki realised that other than waiting for Rinne to return, everything else had been completed.
The most unbearable thing to do is to spend time waiting for someone. Niki yawned, holding his phone up and mumbling softly to himself.
“Surely Rinne-kun isn’t still angry at me… Should I send him an apology message? It feels more sincere to do it face to face though.”
His heart felt somewhat unsettled. He and Rinne often bickered and when he first met Rinne, he was completely helpless against the other’s wheedling, cajoling and rogue behaviour. He only gradually learnt how to retort back after interacting with Rinne for a long time.
Now that he thought about it, there would always be a lot of noise when Rinne was around him, bringing about a few bursts of anger in the household; time always passed by them quickly while they were messing around.
“Ah, forget it, let’s go to sleep. If Rinne-kun still isn’t back by tomorrow, those dishes shall just be eaten for breakfast instead.”
Niki switched off the television. The house seemed overly quiet in the darkness with only his rustling noises.
As he lay on his bed, the quilt still lingered with remnants of Rinne’s scent. After tossing about in bed without any indication of sleepiness for a while, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Unable to disperse the lingering restlessness in his heart, Niki buried his head in the quilt, wrapping himself into a thick cocoon.
“... He’d always text me if he was coming home late.”
He rummaged around under the quilt until he found his phone. Looking through their chat records, the corners of his mouth would unconsciously twitch upwards whenever Niki found an interesting conversation.
In earlier times, Rinne would often send him a bunch of strangely-spelt words, asking him what they mean. Later on, Rinne would send the addresses of some stores for them to eat together, or complain to him about how the lunch provided by the backstage crew wasn't as good as the ones he made.
I got a delicious snack from the company [4] but it got stolen by a bird flying in the sky; I picked up a 500 yen coin on the ground today; I wrote our names down when I passed by a Shinto shrine...
Huddled under the quilt as he looked at the memories they made together, Niki suddenly missed Rinne dearly. Being with the other wasn’t entirely a terrible thing.
He really went overboard with his words, so much so that even he couldn’t understand why he was so impulsive this morning. The more Niki ruminated over his mistake, the more he felt that his words caused the other party to feel hurt.
“I really bring no value, livin’ in this world — all I do is consume food,” Niki mumbled to himself into the air.
If it wasn’t for Rinne, perhaps he would have died alone at home back then.
Rinne had always said he was the one who saved him. In reality, the truth was exactly the opposite. In Niki’s opinion, it was Rinne who saved him instead.
The fourteen-year-old him back then was like a dandelion floating in the air, light and airy — untethered to the ground; although he was alive, he never felt like he was living in reality.
It was only when Rinne established a connection with him did he settle down to earth a little. Holding that conversation with Rinne was more like a biological instinct than anything — at that time, it was inevitable that he would do so.
Niki felt that someone like him couldn’t live the way his father wished he would, because getting too close to others would only cause them distress and harm. It is exactly because of this that he doesn’t care too much about other people’s affairs. On the surface, he just claims ‘I’m so hungry that I can’t be bothered to think about this kinda stuff~’ but in reality, Niki still remained subconsciously worried that he wouldn't be able to break off from others after getting close to them.
Just like now.
After thinking about it for a long time, his heart distracted and thoughts in turmoil, Niki eventually decided to ask for leave from his store manager through Line.
I can’t go to work tomorrow because of something at home, I’m really sorry.
After he was done, Niki placed his phone aside and closed his eyes in an attempt to hypnotise himself to fall asleep faster.
The bed wasn’t particularly big, it fitted him nicely when he laid on it alone. The two of them used to sleep together like this, fitted snugly next to each other in this tiny place.
Even though Rinne always laid close to the edge of the bed, he never once fell off, and there was always still a slight distance between the two of them. Niki only needed to lean back a little to be embraced in his arms.
One night, Rinne had placed his hand over his and gently clasped his hand, slotting his fingers in between the gaps of his own — like a hedgehog that lowered its guard and exposed its soft belly.
Perhaps it was because he seldom saw Rinne in such a state, or it was because the atmosphere made him do so; Niki, who was still awake then, bowed his head to kiss their entwined fingers amid the other’s chaotic breathing, before bravely turning his head to meet those eyes that were shining brightly in the dark.
Afterwards, this became a secret code between the two of them.
Even though they now have a little more money on hand, neither of them mentioned anything about changing to a larger bed. The two of them always had a tacit understanding in this area.
Niki had been smothered in the quilt for a long time. He stretched his head out and took a deep breath, blinking away the stinging feeling in his eyes.
“... Just come back already.”
Rinne Amagi was sitting in an internet café reading comics, but he wasn’t particularly focused, glancing at his phone from time to time as if afraid of missing any new news. He didn't carry much money with him when he went out during the day, folding close to all of his money after playing in the noisy pachinko shop for a while — almost to the point where he would have to wander the streets.
But gambling has its losses and wins; Rinne had become accustomed to these kinds of days. After all, the few seconds of dopamine rush from winning are worth the unpleasantness of losing thousands of times.
He wasn’t very lucky today.
“Let’s see… have I run out of money?”
He rummaged through his entire body, finding only a 500 yen coin. I think it was picked up from the ground while I was walking down the road last time.
This should be considered luck bestowed upon him by the gods, hence there absolutely will be no problem using it. Rinne dropped a reverent kiss on the coin, whispering a “Bless me, Lady Luck~ ” before slotting it into the machine.
The moment he slotted the coin into the machine, Rinne mentally made a bet in his heart: If I lose all my money, I’ll go find Niki tonight. Either way, he definitely won’t win this round, that was the expectation he harboured.
But the bet went against his expectations — this round was a comeback for him.
The machine endlessly spat out coins, the clinking sound of falling coins clattering incessantly. The surrounding players all went green with envy, coming over to him to hold a conversation and bask in his fortune.
Rinne himself didn’t have much of a reaction to this, however, as though not feeling the usual dopamine rush that came with winning money; he just looked at the coins numbly, feeling at a complete loss.
The shop assistant came to chat with him earnestly then. “Congrats bro! We just brought in two new machines over there, would you like to try them?”
“Haha, ‘Course I’m gonna try ‘em.” There was no trace of joyous emotions on Rinne’s face despite him responding in such a manner.
He silently followed the assistant, sitting down in front of the new machines and they immediately started to make cute and lovely noises, as though urging him to start playing the game
"... I lost.”
His lips twitched, his posture slumping over as though he had lost all of his strength. Only after a long time did Rinne slowly raise his arm and slotted the next coin into the machine.
Afterwards, all his luck fell to rock bottom.
When there were still some earnings left, Rinne’s ears suddenly rang with Niki’s voice. “Don’t overdo it!”
He slowed his hand and turned around, only to realise it was a figment of his imagination. Though he could have continued, Rinne had already lost his mood for playing.
The rest of the coins could be exchanged for just enough money to stay overnight at an internet café. Whether to consider this fortunate or unfortunate; God always seem to point him down a certain path.
In the past, he would not have spared a glance at this foreordain path. However, just for today, only for today — did he choose to comply with this arrangement, accepting it silently like how he lived the first ten or so years of his life.
Perhaps Niki had already calmed down, perhaps the other really didn’t want to see him again.
He had his own misgivings and was disappointed in himself, fearing that he might have screwed everything up. After all, Niki didn’t contact him at all throughout this period of time.
Rinne didn’t want to act rashly and provoke the other’s ire again, hence he decided it was better for him to wait for Niki to contact him and not take the initiative.
As he finished this train of thought, Rinne finally flipped a page of the comic.
3.
Niki failed to sleep soundly. He dreamt that he was going on a holiday and for some reason, after the plane took off, a hole opened up in the aeroplane's body and the air current swept him out. Everyone else in the cabin was sitting, unaffected — it was only him that was falling down.
The immense sense of weightlessness constricted his breathing; his stomach was rolling, his throat burning. Niki woke up with a start just seconds before he was about to land on the ground, sitting up abruptly.
“... I really wanna vomit.”
The dizziness he felt from the dream has yet to fade away completely. He placed his hand on his chest, idly noting that his heart was beating faster than usual.
After sitting for a while, Niki managed to calm down and went to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. The cool liquid slid down his throat and his mind had cleared up a little.
He opened the refrigerator only to find the pizza and nikujaga he made yesterday still inside.
After a moment’s consideration, he eventually took them out to reheat.
“The food’s texture isn’t as delicious compared to when it’s freshly made… No, to have something to eat is a fortunate enough thing, don’t be picky.”
As he chewed the pizza, swallowing came slowly and became increasingly difficult to do. The dough was like a rock blocking up his throat, making it hard for him to swallow.
The aroma of food still lingered in the room and although Niki’s stomach was clearly ravenous, gastric acid relentlessly churning about — he had no appetite for the pizza in front of him.
“Is there something majorly wrong with me?”
Niki stared in disbelief at the half slice of pizza left in his hand; it seems as though his body has undergone some kind of uncontrollable mutation. If I give up on eating, I can’t continue to live.
“I have to eat it quickly.” Niki forced himself to wolf down the remaining slices and as he shoved the last bit of pizza in his mouth, he had to gulp down a whole glass of water before finally managing to swallow it.
Eating is not meant to be such an excruciating task, eating like this — the significance of food is completely lost.
After cleaning up, he dressed up tidily, planning to go to Cinnamon. It was only after he habitually took out his mobile phone did he see the message his boss left saying he should get a good rest. Niki remembered that last night, he had asked for leave under the influence of his restlessness from anxiety.
Since things have already turned out like this, he should just go to the hospital to see what’s wrong with his body. Perhaps he might also run into Rinne-kun while walking on the street. Perhaps he gambled away all his money and is currently wandering about penniless, just like the first time Niki met him.
He spoke out loud to the empty house. “I’m going out now.”
But where could he go? The hospital couldn't do a gastroscopy without an appointment and after Niki came out of the hospital, he wandered aimlessly on the streets. Occasionally, he would subconsciously take a look inside a pachinko parlour whenever he passed by one.
Rinne’s next job would take place next week and logically, he could wait until then to find the other. However, Niki couldn’t imagine them maintaining this kind of cold war atmosphere for so long — what kind of expression would he make to face the other then?
By then, this matter will become an irreversible thorn in both their hearts. That would be absolutely terrifying.
Niki had walked around almost the entire block, and it was only until the fatigue in his legs climbed up through his nerves to his brain did he finally stop. His stomach was rumbling with hunger as he followed the aroma of food into the nearest food store.
The hamburger was served hot off the stove, its patty drizzled with a thick sauce. Anyone who saw this sight would have their appetite increase tenfold but Niki’s mind seemed to think otherwise. He cut the burger into small pieces, and then into smaller pieces again.
He felt that he must be terminally ill beyond cure, otherwise, he wouldn’t be feeling like this while eating.
Eating this delicacy of a dish was like chewing wax. U~ Uu~ This is so wasteful! Since when did eating become such a difficult thing?
Seeing his lack of appetite, the head waiter came over. “Excuse me, sir? Is there something wrong with today’s dishes?”
Niki hastily stood up to apologise. What exactly is wrong with him?
“No, no, I’m sorry… This is very delicious, it’s most likely my own problem.”
The other handed him a preserved plum candy. “If you’re not in a good mood, here’s something to stimulate your appetite.” [5]
After exchanging some pleasantries, Niki apologetically footed the bill.
Though he wandered and roamed about afterwards, he eventually went home. Niki lay on the sofa and caught a glimpse of the calendar next to him; today’s date was marked with a red circle and a scribbled “Rinne-kun’s birthday”.
There was also an additional line below it, “decided to make omurice.”
Niki remembered the conversation they had last week when he had asked the other what he wanted to eat. Back then, Rinne seemed to be watching a variety show that involved maids or some sort.
“I really want to see Niki wear a maid outfit and write something on omurice~ Hey, seein’ as you’re my servant, you should be wearing a maid outfit!”
“You’re watching weird TV shows again… I’m definitely not your servant, but if Rinne-kun wants to eat omurice, I can make it for you.”
“Tch. Write ‘For my beloved Lord Rinne-kun’ then.”
“I'm not gonna write that. Plus, that’s too many words — they won’t fit on the omurice.”
“ ‘I love you’ only has three words. Surely that’ll fit?”
“... I’m not gonna write that!”
He had, for the time being, agreed to Rinne’s request then so he should do that first.
Contrary to before, Niki was able to disregard the distracting thoughts in his mind while he cooked. He made two plates of omurice and placed them on the table but even after a long time, couldn’t decide what exactly to write on the surface of the omelette.
He looked at the other plate of steaming omurice across the table. “I’ll start eating first.” [6]
Halfway through the meal, his stomach chose to churn at the most inopportune moment, and the dizziness he felt from the plane crash in his dream surfaced again. The food he ate felt as though it was surging back up to block his throat, and his stomach was turning over and over.
Niki couldn’t take it any longer, grabbing his phone and sprinting straight for the bathroom. He retched for a while, heaving over the edge of the toilet bowl.
On the floor, a message sounded from his phone. Niki closed his eyes and gasped for a few seconds to regain his bearings, before picking up his phone to see who sent the message.
“... Movie?” The notification displayed that the movie he had booked tickets for was about to start, reminding him to get to the cinema on time.
Niki stood up and washed his face, rinsing his mouth with water before spitting it out. Looking at his pale complexion in the mirror, he recalled what had happened last week.
Niki was washing the dishes when he asked Rinne, who was watching the television, a question.
“Speaking of it, Rinne-kun’s birthday is coming soon. Do you have any plans on that day?”
“My birthday? Ah, anything, on those kinda days it doesn’t matter whatcha’ do.”
“Eh~ How can you say that? Surely it’s because it’s those kinda days that you have to do something to celebrate?”
“Then let’s go to the movies? Apparently, this tear-jerking animated movie that was a hit in foreign countries from Disney-whatever-Studios is playing in theatres again.”
Rinne came over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist, showing him a photo of the poster on his phone. “I instantly thought of you the moment I saw the poster.”
“What the hell, isn’t this a dog you’re showing me!”
“That’s right! To me, Niki is as cute as a little puppy~ ”
“If it’s possible, I hope you can treat me as a human…”
“Too much has been happening these days, I’ve forgotten so many things… I even forgot about the movie tickets I booked.”
Niki glanced at his phone before hurriedly flustering around.
“Oh no, I need to rush if I don’t want to be late!” He pressed the flush button, wiping the corner of his mouth again before hastily throwing the towel on the shelf and running out.
The cinema in question was quite a distance away from the house, he would definitely be late if he travelled by foot. He would need to take the subway for three stops. He kept rushing in the direction of the subway station, making his way through the crowded street.
It was currently rush hour and he would occasionally bump into other passers-by while he ran. Each time, Niki would apologise softly with a hoarse voice before continuing to rush towards the station without looking back.
By the time he reached the subway station, he was sweating profusely, the back of his shirt completely soaked through.
Fortunately, he managed to get onto the train just moments before its doors closed. To be more precise, he was squeezed into the carriage by the rush hour crowd.
Niki leaned on the handrail next to the train doors and in the crowded carriage, he caught his reflection in the window. His pitiful and miserable reflection did resemble the dog in the poster Rinne showed him last time.
When he finally reached the cinema, the movie had already started two minutes ago, so the lighting in the theatre wasn’t that good. Niki made his way into the theatre by following the wall with his hands, carefully stepping onto the carpeted floor. There weren’t that many people at this showtime, most of them being parents with their children.
His heart was still pounding non-stop after running for the train. With a mix of apprehension and anticipation, he looked cautiously at the row of seats indicated on their tickets.
At that moment, it was as though the world froze, and time seemed to stand still.
When Niki saw Rinne, he distantly felt as though he had fallen into a cloud as soft as cotton candy. The faint light from the screen was reflected on the other's face, and he seemed to be holding a cup of Coke in his hand. With his head lowered, teeth chewing on his straw and being unable to clearly see the expression on his face, Rinne’s whole posture exuded an undeniable air of leave me alone, strangers.
The singing on the screen slowly flowed through the whole theatre.
“Love unending~ that shall not cease~ may peace bless us all… ♪ ”
He stared at Rinne’s figure in a daze, and it was only until the person next to him urged him did he snap back to reality, stumbling into his seat.
4.
Niki sat down next to Rinne as he consciously controlled the sound of his breathing. He suppressed his erratic heartbeat by taking deep breaths, before slowly adjusting back to a more level state.
Fortunately for him, they were in a movie theatre right now, which meant Niki had plenty of time to mull over and formulate his words.
The movie run time wasn’t very long, about seventy or so minutes. Niki glanced at the other beside him out of the corner of his eye. Unlike him, who was in a state of turmoil, Rinne looked very relaxed — he was leaning on the armrest further away from him, staring steadily at the screen in front of them.
His face looked incredibly serious, and it seemed as though he had no intention of looking back at Niki from the movie’s beginning to end. Niki felt enveloped by a bitterness that arose abruptly, as though an ant bit into his heart.
He lowered his head in contemplation for a few seconds, before gingerly placing his arm on the armrest next to Rinne.
When Niki raised his head again, he directed his eyes toward the screen and forcibly focused his attention on the movie instead. Somehow, he also managed to gradually become immersed in it.
If it was possible, he hoped this movie screening would never end.
That way, he could stay like this — sitting in the darkness, in silence; side by side with Rinne.
Occasionally, The audience would audibly react to the ups and downs of the movie plot. Niki’s stomach started to feel hungry again when he saw the two dogs sharing a plate of pasta. He placed his hand on his stomach, feeling the uncomfortable ache from stomach acid and heartburn.
The chef in the restaurant was singing on the screen.
“On this lovely bella notte~ Side by side~ with your loved one~ you’ll find enchantment here~ ♪
“The night will weave its magic spell~ When the one you love is near… ♪”
Niki looked at the subtitles above on the screen and silently let out a sigh. Wordlessly, his hand crept a few centimetres towards Rinne. He didn’t know when the other party would realise his presence; perhaps the other had already noticed his gestures but was deliberately ignoring him.
With such pessimistic thoughts, even watching the movie’s heartwarming scenes felt extremely heart-wrenching.
It was exactly because it was a night like this, Niki thought, that when the cinema lights turned on, he would apologise to Rinne so that the misunderstanding would dissolve quickly. He wanted to hug Rinne; he wanted to hold hands with him back home to have dinner together; he wanted to share a plate of pasta just like in the movie, but unlike the grey dog, he wouldn’t give the last meatball to Rinne.
These were mundane things that anyone could do on a daily basis, things a person could not do alone.
The movie ended with a happy atmosphere of the family during Christmas, followed up by a long list of closing credits. As Niki’s stomach grew more and more hungry, his imagination also ran wilder and wilder.
Rinne was clearly sitting right next to him, so why did he feel as though the distance between them were miles apart?
Niki’s nose had been sore for a while and his heart felt as though it was crumbling into pieces, lost in a trance with his ears ringing.
Hurry up and notice me already, Rinne-kun.
Just as that thought flitted through his mind, in the next second, the lights in the movie theatre snapped back on. As they lit up the theatre from the back to the front, the bright lights obscured his vision, making him unable to see Rinne’s appearance.
Rinne stood up, planning to leave the theatre but Niki continued to stand at his seat without saying a word. He hesitated for a few seconds before approaching the other, and it was then did he see Niki’s tear-streaked face.
“... Why are you crying?”
Rinne lowered his voice while asking Niki that question, his tone filled with worry. At this point in time, he had no other intentions.
“...” Niki opened his mouth to speak, only to realise it was as though his throat were lodged with diamonds, unable to make a single sound.
Rinne’s voice was like a switch, releasing all his suppressed emotions. He wanted to say a lot of things, he wanted to explain why he was crying — because the subway I took here was really crowded; because when I was sprinting here, the wind got into my eyes and it was really painful; because the pasta in the movie looked really, really delicious; because I didn’t eat much today and my stomach hurts…
Because I feel guilty for saying those words to you; because I missed you…
Why, why couldn’t he say anything? Niki could only feel that his tears were out of his control and he couldn’t hold them back any longer and so they fell, just like that. He bit his lips and tried his best to suppress his sounds, lowering his head with his shoulders trembling slightly.
Rinne stood beside him and just looked at Niki crying like that for a moment, at a loss of what to do.
He hesitated for a second but still reached out to wipe away his tears with his thumb. “Don’t cry anymore, Niki.”
When the warmth of Rinne’s skin came into contact with his, Niki’s emotions felt even more unbearable. More than Rinne, he himself didn’t understand why he was crying and when the other had said his name, his tears overflowed even more violently.
Niki stood where he was, crying softly until the crowd had dispersed and there were only two of them left alone in the vast theatre.
Rinne held his face with his hands and whispered gently, “I’m sorry.”
Hearing the other’s soft apology, Niki choked and broke down in sobs.
Niki looked so miserable, and Rinne didn’t know how to comfort him.
“What happened?” Rinne had asked him with such sincerity in his voice but Niki didn’t know how to answer him, only able to shake his head vigorously. “Why are you in such a pitiful state?”
Rinne held Niki’s hand, the other still whimpering softly, his cheeks and nose flushed thoroughly. Compared to the lack of oxygen in his head making him feel lightheaded, the bigger issue now was him starving. Niki’s brain was in a mess, his thought process having slowed down significantly.
His body was one step ahead of him, answering the question in his stead with a loud grumble from his stomach.
“... Hungry, so hungry. Rinne-kun, I’m hungry.” Niki used his sleeve to wipe his tears, meeting Rinne's eyes with choked sobs. His appetite had finally returned and he felt desperate to eat something, anything.
“Do you have anything on hand to eat?”
Niki rummaged around in his pockets and found the preserved plum candy someone gave to him earlier in the day.
He handed the candy over to Rinne. “Here.”
Rinne laughed a little. “Why are you giving it to me?”
He tore open the wrapper, took out the candy, and pushed it against Niki’s lips. The candy slipped naturally into his mouth, stopping his sobs.
“Shall we go and eat?”
Rinne wanted to walk away but the other pulled on his sleeve, the expression on his face a little off.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t you hungry?”
“... I don’t have any strength to walk.”
Niki was so hungry that he might faint, his head feeling a bit dizzy. Rinne looked at his swaying figure that was on the verge of collapsing with worry. At this moment, the cinema staff came over to remind them it was time to leave.
“I’ll carry you then. Let’s go.”
Under the cold moonlight, Rinne carried Niki back home, who was so hungry that his chest leaned completely on the other’s back. Fortunately, it was nighttime and there weren’t many pedestrians at this hour — so only a few people saw Niki in such a humiliating state.
Rinne’s back was very broad. Niki’s wrists were dangling from where they rested against Rinne’s neck, his face nestled into the crook of his shoulder. His face still had traces of tears and the feeling sticky, tear-streaked skin was not pleasant.
Niki hesitated for a long time thinking of what to say, before mumbling an apology. “I’m sorry, Rinne-kun.”
The street lights dragged the length of their shadows on the ground until their two silhouettes merged as one.
“Don’t be, it’s not like you did anything to be feelin’ apologetic.” [7]
Niki tightened his arms around Rinne’s neck to bring them closer to each other, mumbling under his breath. "If only I didn’t say those words to you that day, it really was too much of me… I’m sorry, I really regret it.
“Nahaha... Sure enough, I really am a worthless person.”
“Don’t talk about that anymore. If you keep harpin’ about it, I’ll drop ya.”
Rinne pretended to sway and shake his body like he was actually going to drop him, Niki letting out a soft “ah!”
“Rinne-kun,” Niki called him softly, and the other responded back quickly. “Hmm?”
He pressed against Rinne’s shoulder, his weak voice travelling into the other’s ears. “Say something.”
Rinne thought for a while before unhurriedly opening his mouth to answer. “... You missed the opening song while you were running in.”
“You knew I entered in running?”
“It’s you, Niki. there’s nothing I don’t know about little ol’ you.”
When Rinne said that, Niki squeezed him a little to express his dissatisfaction. Ah, Niki finally felt energised enough to tease him again.
“Alright, alright; do you wanna hear it?”
“... Yeah, I do.”
Rinne sang the song to him; there were only a few lines of lyrics in total. He sang it very slowly and Niki felt something impulsively, a seeming revelation—
At this moment, it felt as if Rinne was trying to express his innermost feelings through the song’s lyrics. Leaning against Rinne’s back, he could also feel the vibrations that came from singing travel from his chest.
With Rinne’s gentle singing, Niki felt the turbulent emotions in his heart gradually smoothening out.
The moon hung high up in the night sky and Rinne was reminded of the time when he walked on the road that led back to their home, carrying his little brother on his back while humming a tune from their village. However, the difference in the weight he’s carrying serves as a reminder to him that the past has already passed.
On their way home, Niki nodded off a little and by the time Rinne woke him up, they were already standing below his apartment. He then realised Rinne had carried him on his back the whole journey back and sheepishly remarked, smiling, “Rinne-kun, when you’re tired, you can just put me down.”
Rinne ruffled his hair, but it was more gentle than usual. “That’s why you have to make it up to me well.”
5.
The remaining half of the omurice in the refrigerator from the afternoon was taken out and reheated. Niki could hardly be bothered about getting burnt, only puffing on it a few times before shoving it into his mouth until both his cheeks were puffed out like a hamster’s.
Rinne watched with amusement as Niki feverishly wolfed down the food beside him. “Exactly how long have ya been hungry?”
Niki was eating the omurice with tears in his eyes.
It’s too good, it tastes so good, this is exactly what omurice should taste like! A thin and tender layer of egg wrapped around a plentiful amount of fried rice, still moist with flavour from the half-done omelette~ ♪
Ah, The moment he ate this made living his life worthwhile.
It only took Niki a few minutes to finish the half-plate of omurice and with his appetite that was reawakened with a vengeance, this half serving was not at all sufficient in filling his stomach.
Rinne pushed the omurice in front of him towards Niki, extending a silent offer. “You wanna eat mine?”
“Really?! Rinne-kun, you are soooo nice — I can eat it for real?”
Niki reached out with a spoon in hand, excitedly grinning at Rinne before unceremoniously shoveling the other’s portion into his mouth.
Rinne pinched his soft cheek. “For real. Eat up.”
After finishing a filling meal, Niki patted his stomach with a look of blissful satisfaction on his face though his expression changed, as though he had just remembered something.
“I was so hungry that I didn’t know what I was doing, that was so embarrassing… I hope you forget about it soon.”
Rinne’s legs that were under the table became horizontal, gently kicking against Niki’s own. “Oh? What exactly did you want me to forget?”
“I was talking about… ” Niki took a deep breath before continuing with a mumble, “what happened in the movie theatre.”
He looked away hastily, not at all wanting to recall what had happened just prior. In fact, if there happened to be a hole at the moment, he would rather like to bury himself in it.
“Are you talking about the fact that our beloved Niki cried himself silly because he loves me so very much?” Rinne pretended to think over it.
“Aah, I actually think these memories are very precious, and I plan to cherish them for a lifetime.”
“—Rinne-kun!”
Niki shouted his name loudly so as to stop him from continuing, but his eyes that were glaring through a glistening film of tears were not convincing at all.
“What? Did I say something wrong?”
“I cried only because I was on the brink of starvation.”
Rinne changed the subject. “Compared to that, according to the practices of you city people; today, I get to have a present, right?”
“Originally, I had planned to write on your omelette but in the end, I didn’t even know what to write…”
Niki’s next question held an apologetic tone. “What do you want?”
“Come here.”
Rinne smiled with his eyes closed and opened his arms towards him. Niki pursed his lips with slight embarrassment and under the other’s fiery gaze, shuffled over bit by bit.
Rinne pulled him into a hug.
Niki buried his head deeply into Rinne’s shoulder and rubbed lightly from side to side, as though he was a small animal smearing his territory with his scent. The vacant, bottomless feeling in his heart he felt was now gone, as though he was whole again; he felt at ease and content.
There was a faint scent in Rinne’s arms, though Niki couldn’t exactly pinpoint or define what it smelt like. He kept sniffing Rinne — this particular smell made him feel exceptionally nostalgic and sentimental.
Rinne used his teeth to nip at the other’s ear in retaliation, causing the person in his arms to tremble. “You really are like a puppy.”
“Rinne-kun is really…”
Although Niki’s tone was helpless and exasperated, the two arms that hugged him didn’t loosen one bit. Looking at his obedient and docile appearance, Rinne couldn't help but want to tease him.
“How long are you intending to hug me for?”
“...”
Niki pushed him away a little and his face immediately turned red again, the expression on his face was as though he wanted to be angry but also didn’t know what to say, his hands still clutching his shirt tightly.
Rinne called out his name. “Niki.”
Niki’s face warmed a little at Rinne’s staring. “What?”
“Shouldn’t you still have something else to say to me?”
“... Happy birthday, Rinne-kun.”
It was exactly because it was a night like this, Niki gently covered Rinne’s hand with his own, hooking their pinky fingers together with apology and love.
fin.
— ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☽ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ —
[ʟɪꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜰᴏᴏᴛɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ]
— ☽ —
1. [Direct/Literal Translation] Due to the fact that CN sentences can work without an explicit subject mentioned, the implied subject is the current POV narrator: Niki.
However, EN sentences only work without a subject in certain cases, so to retain both the readability for EN readers and the original CN sentence meaning, I chose to (bracket) the subject "He". [↑]
— ☽ —
2. [Direct/Literal Translation + Trivia] This is a common way of giving people nicknames in Chinese. Inserting “小”, which means 'little', in front of their surname/given name is usually heard among people who are close or familiar with each other.
It doesn’t carry any connotation — a co-worker, acquaintance, or neighbour could all use it. Brings across a sense of closeness and concern for the other, but usually from someone elder/of higher status to someone younger/of lower status. It is disrespectful to address your seniors with "小" as a nickname, especially when you are not very close. [↑]
— ☽ —
3. [Localised Translation] The original text is an idiom (盆满钵满) which translates directly into "basin/tub/pot/bowl full and 'a honk's alms bowl' full". It means to earn a lot of money.
To retain the idiom's imagery of containers being filled, I localised it into "pots of gold" from the common EN phrase "a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow". [↑]
— ☽ —
4. [Localised Translation + Trivia] The original text (慰问品) is likely synonymous with the western equivalent of a corporate gift. If you understand Chinese, please refer to this article on 百度 for more examples of what 慰问品 is. [↑]
— ☽ —
5. [Trivia] Preserved plum candy (梅子糖), otherwise known as 话梅糖 (huameitang), is a common Chinese candy. It helps with stimulating one's appetite due to citric acid that creates a mouth-watering sourness that sharpens the appetite. Plums are used because they contain the highest concentration of citric acid in any fruit.
Foods with similar purposes from other countries include Umeboshi (Japan) and Chamoy (Mexican cuisine). [↑]
— ☽ —
6. [Direct/Literal Translation + Trivia] The original text is a phrase used in Chinese culture (“我开动了。”) before the start of every meal, typically when dining with friends or family. However, these days, it is less commonly used. [↑]
— ☽ —
7. [Localised Translation + Trivia] The original text here is a sentence (“你没有对不起我。”) in response to Niki's apology (“对不起，燐音君。”), using the same phrase “对不起”, which means "sorry". However, when “对不起” is used in the context of “你没有对不起我。”, the sentence translates directly into "You didn't [do anything to] let me down" instead. [↑]