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Newt groans in annoyance and forces himself to get out of bed when the persistent ringing of the doorbell doesn’t stop. The blond can’t think of a single person who would interrupt his blissful sleep so early in the morning, the sun is barely coming up so it must still be before six and the blond doesn’t have to get up before eight. He tries to pat his hair a bit down before he opens the door, hoping that he looks at least slightly acceptable while suppressing a yawn.
Any trace of sleep leaves his body in a heartbeat when he sees who is standing in front of the door.
“Vince?” Newt frowns. The leader has never been here before, he normally calls Thomas when he needs something and what makes this whole scene even stranger is the fact that Thomas isn’t even here, he left two days ago for a case a couple of hours away from here. Vince knows that, he’s the one who assigns every single case after all.
“Hey,” Vince speaks up in an unusually quiet voice. Something is wrong, Newt can feel it and he can’t help but think that this is about Thomas. “Can I come in?”
“Uh yeah, sure,” Newt is never one to leave people standing in front of his door, especially not the uncle of his boyfriend who looks like he hasn’t slept at all the whole night. He opens the door all the way and steps aside to let Vince in before closing the door again and leading the way to the living room where they sit down.
“What are you doing here?” Newt cuts directly to the point. “Is Thomas alright?”
Vince looks at the floor in concentration, as if he is trying to see something that isn’t there (or maybe he is judging Newt for the mess since the blond didn’t get around to cleaning his apartment lately and Thomas wasn’t any help, the opposite, actually). “I’m so sorry,” he eventually chokes out.
Newt tries his hardest to stay calm, Vince hasn’t said yet that this is about Thomas, it could still be about something else. Maybe Mary kicked him out and the man has no place to stay (he probably wouldn’t come to Newt for that but who knows?) or... or maybe something else happened, something that isn’t related to Thomas because the brunet promised that he would always do his best to come home to Newt, he promised. He can’t break this promise.
“Did something happen?”
“Thomas, he-” Vince lets out a loud sob and Newt only now realizes that the older man is crying. But he can’t bring himself to care about it, because this is about Thomas.
“What happened? Tell me now!” he inquires, subconsciously raising his voice.
Vince hesitates, looking at Newt for a split second before looking at the floor again. More and more tears escape the man’s eyes.
Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say. Just don’t. Please.
“He’s dead.”
No! Thomas promised to always come back, he promised that they will spend the rest of their lives together! The rest of their lives was supposed to be decades not six months. This can’t be true, Newt won’t accept it. He feels like his heart is slowly falling apart, more and more with every second that goes by, and the realization kicks in. Thomas won’t come back. He won’t walk through the door ever again and happily announce his presence, he won’t ever walk into whatever room Newt is in at that moment and say some cheesy pick-up line before kissing him sweetly as a greeting. He won’t ever embrace Newt again, making the blond feel safe and sound. He won’t ever tell Newt about the birds he watched flying by the window while he was supposed to be working again. He won’t ever come home again.
Newt tries his hardest to not collapse, he needs to stay in the moment until he is alone, then he can fall apart and curse the world for ripping Thomas away from him again.
“No,” he only manages to say quietly, even though the realization kicks in, he doesn’t want to accept it. He barely notices the tears running down his face, drenching his shirt – Thomas’s shirt, goddamnit, because of course he is wearing Thomas’s shirt when he receives these news. The shirt is only another reminder that the man he loves more than anything else is gone.
“I’m so sorry.”
“How?” he needs to know who is at fault for taking this amazing man from him, he won’t be able to actually get revenge, he isn’t that type of guy but he still needs to know. He needs to understand.
“The mission I send him on was a trap, I didn’t know until it was too late. He had no chance,” Vince says reluctantly. Newt wants to blame him, he wants to blame someone, but Vince isn’t to blame for this, he would never have sent Thomas there if he knew it was a trap. He might not show it but Vince cares a lot about Thomas, he loves him like a son, this probably hits Vince just as hard as it does Newt.
“He is really dead?” Newt asks quietly. “This is no trick?”
“I’m so sorry, Newt, he is gone.”
Newt fights hard to keep the sobs inside that are threatening to force their way out of his mouth, he won’t crumble until he is alone. As soon as no one is around, he will crumble and scream and cry, fall apart and lose himself for however long he needs to get out of bed again and slowly pick up the pieces one by one. He won’t give up, he might have lost Thomas but he knows that Thomas would never forgive him if he gives up because of that even though losing Thomas is more than enough reason to give up.
“Please-” Newt croaks out, his voice weak and strained. “Please leave. I need to be alone right now.”
“I’m sorry, but I need you to come with me,” Vince says, suddenly sounding sober, any trace of grief has left his voice and Newt looks up at him in confusion.
“Why?”
“The body needs to be identified.”
But why does Newt has to do that? He isn’t Thomas’s next of kin, Vince is, and how could Vince even tell him that Thomas is dead if the body still needs to be identified? It doesn’t add up.
“Okay,” he responds, not understanding why he agrees, it feels like he suddenly lost all control over his body.
The drive to the mortuary goes by in silence. Vince is back to his old self, back to the stone-cold leader of The Right Arm that took down WCKD, as if his behavior at Newt’s apartment was only for show, meanwhile silent tears are still running down the blond's face.
And then he is standing in front of an examination table with a body lying on top of it covered with a white sheet. He is alone in the room, he doesn’t know where Vince has gone and where the medical examiner is who should be here, but he also doesn’t really care about that, all that matter is the body that is lying in front of him, the body of the man he loves.
He takes a deep breath before he lifts the sheet with shaking hands. He has to hold back a scream of horror when he sees Thomas’s face. It’s completely disfigured and nearly unrecognizable. His nose and cheekbones seem to be broken and his jaw is dislocated. His face is littered with bruises and there is blood and scratches everywhere. If Vince hadn’t told him that this is Thomas before he stepped into the room, then he probably wouldn’t have been able to recognize him.
Suddenly a loud ringing noise fills the room. Newt frantically looks around the room, trying to figure out where the noise is coming from but it only gets louder and louder, causing him to become disoriented. He holds his hands over his ears, trying to block out the sound but it only gets worse, he falls to his knees, unable to hold himself up any longer then his vision begins to blur and-
He surges up in his bed, a loud, terrified scream escapes his lungs. There is no more ringing and he isn’t kneeling on the floor in front of Thomas’s lifeless body anymore, instead he is in his bedroom, lying in his bed. Tears are running down his cheeks and he is covered in a cold sweat.
Did he dream all that or did it really happen? He scrambles for his phone lying on the nightstand, the brightness causes him to squint his eyes slightly. It’s currently shortly after two in the morning but he doesn’t care about that, he needs to call Thomas. He needs confirmation that it was just a dream, that Thomas is alright and will come home to him. He finds Thomas’s contact quickly and clicks on the call symbol, waiting anxiously for a response. He doesn’t know what he will do if it hasn’t been a dream.
Please, it had to be a dream.
“Yeah?” a sleep-drunken voice answers the phone after five rings and more tears leave Newt’s eyes but not because of grief, no, because of relief. Thomas is safe, he is still alive, it has just been a dream. He can’t help the loud sob that forces its way out and he quickly clasps a hand over his mouth to silence the sound. But too late, Thomas has already heard it. “Newt?” Thomas sounds like he is suddenly wide awake and on alert. “What is going on?”
“I-” Newt tries to speak up, not even sure what to say but he only chokes up again, unable to produce actual words. All the emotions from the nightmare are still carved into his bones and he doubts that he will get rid of them any time soon.
“It’s alright, baby,” Thomas tries to calm him down, slight panic in his voice. “I’m here with you. It will be okay.”
It takes him a couple of minutes to calm down, Thomas filled them with softly spoken reassurances that everything is alright and that he is here with him.
“I’m so sorry,” he says weakly. He hopes that Thomas doesn’t think this was as embarrassing as Newt thought it was. He woke Thomas up because of a bloody nightmare, that’s pathetic. He is a grown man, he should be able to deal with a nightmare on his own without calling his boyfriend for help.
“Don’t apologize, it’s alright,” Thomas responds in a low voice that somehow manages to make Newt feel at peace. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“I uhm, I had a nightmare,” he says quietly, lying back down. This is embarrassing and he honestly regrets calling Thomas. Talking to him helped to calm him down but it’s just awkward right now, especially considering that Thomas hasn’t responded in quite some time. Newt checks to see if Thomas has hung up but he didn’t, the call is still connected. So either Thomas doesn’t know what to say to this or he fell back asleep, though Newt is pretty sure it’s the former and that makes him feel even worse. “I’m so sorry, I know it’s ridiculous.”
“No, it’s not. It is not ridiculous,” Thomas replies quickly, confirming Newt’s theory that he didn’t fall asleep. “I’m so sorry that I’m not there right now. Do you want to talk about it?”
Does he want to talk about it? He thinks he does but he isn’t sure if Thomas is the right person to talk to about this, he doesn’t want Thomas to feel guilty and the way that he knows his boyfriend, he will blame himself and maybe even think that Newt wants him to quit his job, which isn’t the case. Of course, Newt wouldn’t mind if Thomas quits but he won’t ever ask him to and he had enough time to get used to the fact that his boyfriend is an assassin, he is strangely okay with it by now despite his dislike of it at the beginning.
“It’s stupid,” he mumbles.
“No it’s not,” his boyfriend immediately contradicts.
Newt sighs. Telling Thomas about this really doesn’t seem like the greatest idea, but he just can’t get the image of Thomas lying on the examination table out of his head and it’s killing him. So he has to choose between telling Thomas what the dream was about or keeping it to himself and worrying that his dream might come true every second of the day until the brunet is finally home again. Telling Thomas does seem a bit more appealing.
“I- I dreamt that your current case was a trap and that you-” he takes a deep breath and exhales sharply. “And that you died.”
Thomas doesn’t respond at first, the only sound filling the line is the rustling of covers from Thomas’s side and Newt wonders what he is doing. The blond desperately hopes that Thomas doesn’t feel guilty, the nightmare wasn’t his fault and there is nothing he could’ve done to prevent it.
“I’m so sorry,” Thomas says quietly. “I’m okay, I promise.”
Shit, judging by the way Thomas sounds, he is blaming himself which is honestly quite stupid, it’s not like he planted the dream in Newt’s mind. The cause of his nightmare was his worries and nobody can do anything against it, Thomas tried to convince Newt that he doesn’t have to worry multiple times but it never worked. So instead they started to research coping mechanisms to help Newt stay calm whenever his worries get too much, but no coping mechanism can help him when he lets his barriers down every time he goes to sleep. Maybe he should visit his former therapist, she might be able to give him some advice.
But that is not something he should think about right now, because he is still on the phone with his boyfriend who is probably worried sick about Newt and that is his priority. Thomas will always be his priority.
“I’m sorry for waking you up. I promise I’m okay now so you can go back to sleep,” he hopes he doesn’t sound dismissive, he just feels really guilty for making Thomas talk to him in the middle of the night, especially since the brunet has a long day ahead of him tomorrow.
“No, I’m staying on the phone with you.”
“It was just a dream. I’m okay now, thanks to you,” Newt says softly, hoping that might coax Thomas into going back to sleep.
“It doesn’t matter if it was just a dream, you probably saw some horrible things in your dream, and don’t try to convince me that it doesn’t still affect you. I’m staying with you.”
God, he is so in love with this man. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve him but he will fight to keep him.
“Thank you, Tommy,” he whispers. Truth be told, he doesn’t think he will ever get rid of the image of Thomas’s disfigured face that is burned into his mind and he is afraid that he will see it again when he closes his eyes to go back to sleep, so talking to Thomas helps him immensely to just forget about everything else for a minute.
“Always,” Thomas says and Newt smiles because he knows he means it.
He doesn’t know how or when, but he fell asleep sometime during his call with Thomas and he wakes up to find that the call has been disconnected and that Thomas has sent him a message.
[3:14am] Tommy: Call me if you have another nightmare, alright? I promise I’m okay, don’t worry your pretty head too much. Talk to you later x
Newt can’t keep the soft smile off his face. This man, who could easily kill Newt just by using his pinky finger, is the softest, most caring, and loving person Newt has ever met and he can’t imagine his life without Thomas by his side.
He gets ready for work after staring at the message a bit longer and shooting Thomas a quick text, thanking him for being there for him last night. He feels a lot better than he did last night but he still can’t help but be worried about Thomas, but his promise that he is okay and that he will talk to Newt later has to be enough to get him through the day.
~*~
His day at work went by surprisingly smoothly, though Newt can’t help but exhale a sigh of relief when he is finally back in his apartment, far away from prying eyes. His day has actually been alright aside from the dream that he is still desperately trying to forget but he is just so exhausted. He didn’t sleep enough last night and he couldn’t get images from his dream out of his head whenever he had a free second so he forced himself to stay busy.
He drops his messenger bag in the middle of the hallway and doesn’t pay attention to where he kicks his shoes, he is so desperate to get a few hours of peaceful sleep. He quickly changes into a pair of sweatpants and a loose T-shirt before falling into bed, with an exhausted huff, curling in underneath the blanket and closing his eyes tightly. He just wants to sleep for an hour or two, he doesn’t want to keep himself busy anymore and he doesn’t want to think about his dream.
Luckily, sleep comes to him quite easily. It settles over him quietly, lulling him into a sense of calm and protection, granting him the wish of not repeating the dream from last night.
Though he wakes up with a jolt only an hour later when he feels someone lying down behind him and laying an arm around his waist. He gets pulled down again immediately, a strong arm encircles his waist and pulls him against a firm chest.
“It’s just me,” gets whispers into his ear from behind, and a warmth spreads through Newt’s entire body. He prays that he isn’t dreaming, he needs this to be true.
He wiggles around in the embrace until he finally faces the man behind him who is smiling softly at him. “Tommy?” Newt breathes in disbelief, throwing himself on top of his boyfriend and burying his head in the crook of Thomas’s neck. “You’re home.”
Thomas chuckles lightly and pulls Newt as close as physically possible against him. “You didn’t really think I wouldn’t come home after the dream you had last night, did you?”
“But the case-”
“-isn’t as important as you are.”
Newt fights against the tears of relief that are threatening to leave his eyes, but he is just so happy that his Tommy is here with him and that he is okay.
“Won’t you get in trouble?” he mumbles against Thomas’s neck.
“Who cares?” Thomas simply shrugs it off. “You weren’t doing good so I got on the first plane possible to get here.”
“Thank you,” he whispers. He knows he should feel guilty that Thomas is jeopardizing his job for Newt but he just really can’t bring himself to do that, all he cares about is having Thomas back in his arms, unharmed. “Thank you so much.”
“Anything for you,” Thomas responds just as quietly before he gently lifts Newt’s chin up to seal their lips into one soft kiss after the other filled with too many emotions to decipher them. Thomas doesn’t initiate anything, seemingly satisfied with just holding and kissing Newt, and the blond wouldn’t have it any other way, this is all he needed ever since his dream last night.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” Newt mumbles against Thomas’s lips, leaning his forehead against Thomas’s with his eyes closed.
“And I won’t be going anywhere for at least another week. I called Vince and told him I’m taking some time off.”
Newt pulls a bit away after hearing this and opens his eyes, looking at Thomas in confusion. Can he just do that? But besides the confusion running circles in his mind, there is so, so much love for the man who is holding him so tightly in his arm, keeping him warm and safe. It’s one thing for Thomas to leave a mission early to comfort a distraught Newt, it’s another to just take some time off from work just like that to be home and calm Newt’s worries. A strange thought crosses Newt’s mind, something he has never thought about before, he can see himself marrying Thomas.
Newt was never really big on marriages, he just saw it as a way to ease off your taxes a bit but with Thomas, it isn’t about taxes, it is about taking this whole thing to another stage. And while he definitely isn’t ready to marry yet, he wouldn’t be opposed to the idea in maybe two or three years. He wants to spend the rest of his life with Thomas.
“And Vince just accepted it?”
“I don’t know, I hung up before he said anything.”
Damn, if Newt would do this at his job, he would get fired immediately, but he supposes it’s different when your boss is your uncle.
“I love you so much,” he says and pillows his head on Thomas’s chest.
The brunet kisses his forehead and mumbles a quiet response. “I love you the most.”