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“So, I know you said I don’t need to know everything but considering that we’re having dinner with your brother after a million years, and considering that I don’t wanna feel out of place, could you tell me some stuff so that I know what I’m dealing with?” Kyle says as he sits on the sofa next to Levi who was studying the script for the next day.
Levi looks at Kyle, shaking his head. The truth is that he's already told him a few things about their childhood so it's not like he's not shared anything before. “Okay, fine, I guess I can make you a summary… but it’s late and it’s not the most riveting life story, so you’re gonna be disappointed and you might even fall asleep…”
Kyle sighs. “Well, I guess I’m lucky ‘cause those strong arms can carry me to bed if I do,” Kyle says, smiling.
Levis snorts because Kyle can be both funny and adorable when he wants to be. “Okay, so you know how my mother decided that her cute babies were too freaking cute and might have a future in advertising and how she was right and so, my brother and I started working together in advertising, modeling and later we got into shows and films and well, we pretty much did everything you can possibly do. Sometimes together and sometimes apart... But yeah, it wasn’t like… it didn’t feel like a competition between us at the time because we were so different that I guess people didn’t really… or at least I didn't feel like they were comparing us and what we could do. Plus, we had the same amount of work, so I never felt like there was rivalry between us. Actually, we had fun when we worked together. Probably because we knew each other really well and it was easy.”
“So... you’re saying that you had a good relationship,” Kyle says. It’s a statement, not a question.
Levi gets what he means. Kyle was probably expecting the opposite from the start.
“Yeah, we did… things were fine between us … we were normal brothers—Well, as normal as it can be for kids in this industry, you know? But my parents didn’t have that good relationship. I’m convinced that they only stayed together because of us and tried to make it work for us but obviously, you can only try for so long and I mean, I was little but I still remember… that last year before they separated, it felt very much like the calm before the storm, you know? We knew for sure it was coming and looking back I wish… I wish they had taken the decision earlier. It’s fucked up to think this now but I remember feeling responsible because we both knew they weren’t happy and it’s like, we were forcing them to stay unhappy and that feeling stayed with me for a few years after that.
“How old were you?” Kyle frowns.
“I was ten. They separated and a few months after that over the summer they got a divorce and then my father’s company offered him the possibility of working in New York, and I guess he saw it as a way to start fresh or maybe it just made it easier to move on with his life… I don’t know.” Levi shakes his head.
“So, just like that, he moved to the other side of the country?” Kyle asks as he thinks that this doesn’t feel like a summary at all but he’s too happy to learn all this to make any remark about it.
“Yeah, just like that,” Levi nods, “and took my brother with him.”
“What?” Kyle raises his eyebrows.
“Well, it’s not like he forced him or anything. In a way, Cillian was always closer to him than me and he liked the idea of living in New York as well. It’s been a long time since I’ve tried to understand him. I told you he is weird and unpredictable, didn’t I?” Levi raises his eyebrows. “So, yeah, that year he started school there, so obviously he left our agency in L.A. for another one over there, and between that and the distance, things inevitably changed between us.”
“I can imagine,” Kyle nods.
“The thing is that maybe he thought it would be just for a year or two… but he made friends there and my father got married again and his new wife actually liked my brother and he liked her too… and I guess they were like some kind of happy family again, so he just decided to stay there permanently.”
“And you mother?" Kyle frowns. "I mean she…”
“My mother felt abandoned—Most likely betrayed too… but they had joined custody and bringing my brother home against his will was too complicated. Maybe, without me, things would have been different but she didn’t feel like fighting and if you ask me, I think she made the right choice.”
“That’s fucked up,” Kyle admits.
“Yeah… it is. I’ve never blamed my brother for keeping a distance from me, you know? But even if their marriage was broken, my brother probably hurt my mother even more than my father did and that’s hard to forget.”
“But then,” Levi continues, “this is only part of the drama, because while my career took off and I started doing more series and got roles in different movies; he was just doing modeling… so obviously he was frustrated and jealous, and there was nothing I could do about it. He knew the industry in New York is very different from L.A. and his agency wasn’t as good as mine because they don’t bring you the same kind of projects. So, I don’t know what his expectations were at the time but I’m sure when he realized he had fucked up, it was too late, and it was easier to resent me and my popularity than himself which eventually, only put more distance and tension between us.”
“I… I don’t want to take any side here—” Kyle admits, unsure about what to say.
“And you don’t have to,” Levi interrupts him, shaking his head.
“Yeah, but maybe you feel like I should take yours…” Kyle shrugs.
“That’s not true,” Levi insists. “You weren’t there. You can believe what I’m telling you or you can believe that I’m just spinning a yarn… it doesn’t matter because this doesn’t affect you… it’s something between my brother and me and—”
“Hold on… Firstly, of course, I believe everything you said because you never lie—I know that better than anyone. And secondly, everything about you affects me because I love you and hell, he’s your twin brother. I have two brothers who I love despite any argument we’ve had and we’re not blood-related but you totally are and I don’t know… what happened to your relationship sucks but if he wants to fix it, then it’s not too late. And I think that in the past, jealousy might have been the problem as you say… but I think he’s happy with his career now. He told me he loves working in the theatre and living in New York, so if he’s not jealous anymore, I don’t see why you can’t start over, you know? Can’t you give him a second chance? I mean, just talk to him… see if he deserves it.”
“Well, I’m having dinner with him. I wouldn’t go if I weren’t ready to talk to him. But we’ll see…” Levi is not really sure what to expect but at least he’s ready to listen this time and he had not felt like that before. “That second chance is not guaranteed yet.” He’s not even sure that his brother sees this dinner as Kyle does. He’s not sure that his brother is gonna offer any kind of apology because maybe he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Maybe this dinner is a waste of time.
“I know.” Kyle nods. “I know it isn’t, and he’s not my brother. Even if I’ll be there, whatever happens, and whatever you decide is obviously up to you.”
Levi smiles before leaning toward Kyle on the sofa, kissing him softly.
“What was that for?” Levi asks when their lips are no longer in contact.
“Not that I need a reason but I’m just thankful that you care so much. I’m thankful for you being the way you are. And even if this dinner ends up being a waste of time, I’m thankful because you’re so stubborn and you’re coming with me.”
Kyle snorts, smiling.
“I love you. Of course, I care. I’m always gonna care,” Kyle says before reaching out to hold Levi’s face with both hands, kissing him.
Kyle can feel Levi’s smile before he kisses him back. Kyle knows this is something Levi needs quite often. Levi won’t ask these days like he used to but Kyle is very aware of how Levi’s not-so-great self-esteem needs to hear those three words from time to time. He’s sure that Levi fans would never expect that from their idol—From somebody who looks like he does and has the talent that he has… from someone who actually knows what he can do. But the truth is that you can be talented as hell and very insecure at the same time.
That’s why if Kyle had to say ‘I love you’ every day, he totally would.