Chapter Text
It was a dark grey January morning. Simon had dreaded going back almost as much as he longed to go back to see Wille. He felt broken and hurt, pain had seeped in to his bones. He tried his best to hide it for his mum and Sara but they knew he was low. Sara had spent the last few days getting ready to move in to Manor House and her joy helped Simon feel a little better but he knew he heart was not just going to stop aching.
Over the Christmas break Simon had went through all sorts of scenarios. He had over analysed everything in his and Wilhelm’s journey and thought what he did so wrong. Should he have said he loved him back that day at the Church; he felt it – he had felt it since that walk at the lake, he knew he loved Wille even if it hurt him to do so, but he knew he had to be strong, but he felt it so deeply. Was Wilhelm trying to show him he was going to change, but then how many times had Wille let him down and changed his mind. The parallels with Micke did not help, saying you will do one thing and then only looking after yourself.
He had wrestled with these thoughts and wondered if Wille had felt them too, was he hurting and the worst thing of all was that Simon did not want Wille to be hurting, despite his own screaming pain he did not want Wille to suffer too. He wanted to turn back time and change things, to try and make them right, to close the curtains, for Wille not to be a prince, for August not to be an asshole, but no matter how much he willed these changes, he woke up every morning and went to sleep every night thinking of, missing and longing for Wille.
His mum had said she would drop them to school that day instead of having to take the bus. As Simon stepped out of the car, Linda told him to try and smile and assured him it would get easier and he really hoped it would as he made his way to class. He got there early – he wanted to get to his old seat and not be left with no choice where to sit but as he walked in to the classroom he was not the only one with that idea. His heart dropped and he felt himself frozen for a spilt second as he seen Wille sitting in the seat beside where Simon had sat last year.
“Hi Simon”, Wilhelm mumbled sheepishly “ I know you like this seat so I thought I would get here early and save it for you, if anyone asked to sit beside me, I would say it was taken…but don’t worry I can move if you want or I can stay…”
“It’s ok and thank you” Simon interrupted his ramblings with a small smile. Simon walked towards the seat as others started to trickle in to the classroom. Wille had looked down at the book in front of him and played with the corners. Simon was having very mixed emotions about this. He longed to be close to Wille but was so scared it was the start of a slippery slope to hurting himself even further, if that was possible.
He sat down next to him and Wille took a quick glance at Simon and could see his thoughts racing, just as his own were. As the class filled, they both noticed a few curious glimpses from classmates, and outright gawping from Felice, who quickly composed herself and sat at the table next to Wilhelm.
Simon tried to focus, not made easy by Wille beside him. He kept poker straight, for fear of any contact with Wilhelm, as he knew it would ignite the touch paper between them. He could feel the energy crackling, and Simon was sure Wilhelm could feel it too. The class ended and Simon had just about survived and went to stand up from his chair and accidently grazed hands with Wille. The intensity of it made their eyes lock and Simon could see all the love, sorrow and pain Wille held inside him, mirroring his own and he held him in this gaze until Sara pulled him with her to their next class. If Simon was planning on putting everything with Wille behind him and moving forward- which he knew was probably the best thing to do, well his great plan had was faltering after one touch. Simon grumbled to himself “The titanic has hit the iceberg….again”.