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Beomgyu shivers, quickly rubbing his arms to try and warm himself. Maybe leaving the dorms at the crack of dawn during winter was a bad idea, but he felt the need to be alone with his thoughts rather than pouring out all his feelings to the others. He trusts them, he really does, but he feels bad whenever he opens up, so he opts not to. Keeping things to himself is something he was pretty good at, so he’s going to make use of this skill.
He looks down at his feet, feeling the cold seep through his skin with every step he took. He was glad that he was able to get time to himself this early in the morning, but he wishes that he wore a much warmer coat and a much thicker inner shirt because his oversized shirt(Soobin's shirt which he stole and never returned) was not doing it for him, even if it was comfortable.
He lifts his head, looking around the park he ended up in, almost all of it being covered in snow. He spots a bench at the corner of his eye, it was the only bench that wasn't covered with snow. ‘Someone probably sat on it some time ago,’ he thinks to himself as he makes his way towards the bench, dusting off the tiniest bit of snow that piled up over time with his foot.
He calmly sits down, sinking further into the coat he simply snatched off of the coat rack, not even caring to check if it was his. He shoves his hands into his pockets, feeling a small pouch. With further investigation, he realized it was a penguin plushie with a zipper on its back. He takes it out of the pocket, smiling softly when he finds out he was right. Based on the plushie and the size of the coat he was practically drowning in, it was probably owned by Huening.
He mutters an apology to the younger one even though he wasn’t around. He’ll get something for him as an apology and thanks for the coat that he swiped from the coat rack without permission.
Beomgyu slips the pouch back into the pocket, patting it down before taking his hands out, closing them, and opening them to see if the cold was successful in removing all feeling from his bare hands. He left the dorms in a hurry, he was barely even able to remember grabbing a coat, so of course, he wasn’t able to snatch a pair of gloves.
The tall man sighs, pulling his hands close to his chest, clenching his fists as he shivers before he slips them back into the warmth of the coat’s pockets. He stares into space, watching as the leaves on the tree a couple of feet away from him were dancing with the wind, a few leaves already falling off, accompanied by chunks of snow. He brings his legs closer to himself, bringing them up from the ground to hug them. Once he was comfortably seated, he allows himself to stare into space once again.
He wonders if anyone in the dorms has woken up yet, after all, it was almost 6 when Beomgyu left the dorms, most of them usually woke up at that time either for a schedule or to grab a snack. He thinks about checking his phone, but he left it on the cabinet near the door so he can’t exactly check the date, but he was pretty sure they had no schedules today, so it was likely that the others weren’t awake yet.
Maybe Taehyun was awake to go to the gym, but the younger probably wouldn’t use up his rest day to exercise.
But it’s Taehyun…
He shakes his head, if the others noticed he was gone, they would know where to find him, just like they always do. It didn’t matter if he was all the way back in Daegu, his members would find him immediately.
Beomgyu snorts, “Maybe they put a tracker on me or something.” He then pauses, thinking about how there was the smallest possibility of them actually putting a tracker on him, but they wouldn’t do such a thing, Beomgyu knows his members, he knows his family.
“Yeah, they probably put a tracker on my phone,” Beomgyu says to no one in particular, huffing as he lifts his hood higher, having the cloth almost cover his eyes. He adjusts the hood to fit him, silently cursing Huening for being so tall.
‘Sure, go and insult the person whose coat you stole, Beomgyu.’ He thinks to himself, giving up on trying to adjust the coat and allowing himself to sink in it instead. He was thankful that the coat smelled good because if it didn’t, he probably would’ve just dropped the coat on the road and went back home. He chuckles at his own thoughts before forcing himself to stop. It wasn’t exactly a normal sight to see Choi Beomgyu of TXT chuckling in the middle of an empty park at the crack of dawn, he didn’t need pictures or videos of him laughing in a park all alone spreading around the internet.
He went out because he wanted to be alone to think, but he couldn’t think when it was so unbelievably cold. Maybe he should have taken his time to dress up before leaving instead of grabbing whatever he could see and leaving immediately- but then again, his head wasn’t exactly clear when he woke up from a stupid nightmare that made him want to just get out of the dark and tight room he woke up in.
He doesn’t really remember what the dream was about, but he remembers it being dark and really loud. The transition from the dream to waking up was practically seamless, he didn’t even know when he woke up. In one moment he was laying down on his bed, sweating and breathing heavily, and in the next, he was outside the apartment with his hands in his pockets.
Beomgyu sighs as he watches the clouds part the tiniest bit to let the sun through. It reminds him of the warmth that Soobin emits whenever he wraps his arms around the younger- or, well, when the younger wraps his arms around him. He misses being hugged, being touched. But lately, it was so hard to talk to people, to connect and express what he felt.
He was feeling so many things all at once and he can’t put them into words no matter how hard he tried. The only reason why he was good at keeping things to himself was because he won’t be able to tell people things anyway, and even if he told them, he would feel bad and things would get worse for him instead of better. He’s aware of the fact that he has problems, and he knows that what he’s doing isn’t healthy, but he doesn’t think anyone would understand or give him the comfort he needed, so it was best to just keep to himself.
Beomgyu closes his eyes. It probably wasn’t the best choice, but it helped him collect his thoughts.
He thinks about what he’s been feeling these past few weeks. There was nothing that happened that triggered his negative thoughts, and things have been going well lately. His emotions are a mess. He concluded that himself before going to bed the night before.
“Wow, maybe I should’ve listened to my friends when they told me I needed therapy,” he mutters, chuckling to himself as he opens his eyes again.
He then thinks about how much time has passed. Not the time from when he left the dorms and arrived in the park, no. He was thinking about how much time has passed since he started pursuing his dream. He was around the age of-
All he wants is to be worth something.