Chapter Text
There were a lot of things Mikey had to get used to after the Kraang. Nightmares for one thing, were now almost a constant late at night. He had to learn a new breathing technique to deal with panic attacks, and had picked up yoga to help when words seemed to fail him. But the worst thing he had to deal with was his hands. Mystic or not, they had suffered lasting damage from opening that portal. Maybe he wasn’t ready to do that yet, or maybe he wasn’t supposed to be able to, but either way it had really messed up his hands. The scars looked rather cool if Mikey was being honest, but the tremors were what really got to him. After the first couple of weeks Mikey had resigned himself to never be able to draw again, since he could barely hold the pen or crayon or pencil, much less draw a straight line.
But then Donnie came in. He spent half a day measuring Mikey’s arms, and then made some amazing bracers for Mikey. The bracers went from his elbow down to his wrist where they wrapped around his thumb. They were mainly black like his old wraps, but with glow in the dark neon designs that swirled around and little dots of other different colors splashed around. Leo and Raph had put stickers up and down them, with a few silly drawings as well. It was a change, but Mikey had been thrilled when he saw them. His brothers spent so much time making this to make him feel better, and it helped to remind himself of that when he got tired of the braces. Were there still some times when Mikey wanted to throw them out along with his hands in his utter frustration? Yes, yes there were. But he was getting better, or at least he thought so. He just wished the same could be said of his brothers.
Donnie wasn’t sleeping, Mikey could tell. He started by bringing his own coffee pot into his room, and then not leaving for days on end. Mikey wasn’t sure what he was working on, but he hardly ever came down for food anymore. So Mikey would bring it upon himself to bring his older brother food. It started to become a ritual of sorts. The family had stopped having family dinners anyway, so while Splinter brought food to Raph and Leo, Mikey would bring food up to Donnie. After the first couple of meals Mikey would start to eat food in his brother’s lab. Of course he was careful not to make a mess or get food everywhere, but if he was being honest, Mikey didn’t like being alone, and he could tell Donnie didn’t want to either. Which was why Donnie hadn’t shooed him out yet.
It had taken a while, but he had finally gotten Donnie to open up about the issues he had been having. He wouldn’t go into detail with Mikey, but the box turtle had expected that. He was the youngest, and he knew the others didn’t like to bog him down with their issues. It annoyed him at times, but he would still be there for them, whether they liked it or not.
With all Mikey was doing to help Donnie, it took three days before the softshell finally left his lab. But that day was exhilarating for Mikey. Color had returned to his brother’s face, and when he removed his mask, Mikey could see the bags under his eyes had lessened. Donnie even laughed at one of Splinter’s jokes! For the youngest it was like watching his brother come back from the dead. But that was only one of three. There were two more brothers who needed him, and now that Donnie was on board, Mikey had an even bigger plan for his eldest brothers.
He started simple at first, talking to them. Raph made a habit of patrolling a lot more than necessary, and Mikey was sure it was so he wouldn't stay still for long. Which was why this morning he stopped his brother in his tracks with a large pile of pancakes.
“Hey Raph-a-doo!” He cried, moving slightly to the left and right to make sure he stayed right in front of his brother as Raph tried to get past him.
“Morning Buddy.” Raph said, not meeting his brother’s eyes as he tried to move past, “Did you sleep well?”
“I sure didn’t!” Mikey cried, still with joy in his voice, contrary to what he had said, “But that’s okay, because I’m working through it… right?”
He nudged the pancakes towards his brother, raising his mask up and down as he moved, wiggling his eyebrows, “Like we are all doing! And nothing helps start a good day more than breakfast!! Which is why I took the liberty of making everyone breakfast. And look at these pancakes!! They are begging to be eaten!”
Raph’s eyes were still on the door, but everytime he tried to move past Mikey, Mikey simply stepped in the way once more. Finally with a soft sigh Raph gave his brother a forced smile. “Breakfast sounds great Mike and Ikes.”
The breakfast was eaten in uncomfortable silence. Raph’s leg was tapping excessively on the floor as he shoved bite after bite into his mouth, not even looking at Mikey as Mikey stared at him.
“You know.” Mikey started, trying not to feel the lump in his stomach as Raph didn’t even turn to look at him. “I’ve been having the same nightmare for a while now.”
That one got Raph’s attention, the older brother in him peeking through. “Oh Mike, what’s eating at you bud?”
Mikey made a show of sighing dramatically and pushing his plate away. “I’m there in Staten Island.”
He over exaggerated a shiver, and he saw a crack of a real smile in his brother’s lips, “About to open the portal and it just… doesn’t work. We stare at a glowing portal that never opens, then it's gone and… and we’re all alone… My hands still hurt, I can still feel the pain it took to make that portal… but we don’t have Leo. And I failed him.”
Mikey didn’t have to fake the pain he felt at that, there were times he did actually still have that nightmare. He felt a huge palm on his shoulder and looked up to see Raph had stood and had kneeled to be at his eye level as Mikey sat.
“It wasn’t your fault Mikey. Even if the portal never opened. You tried when the rest of us had given up. That’s amazing!” He gave his brother a wide grin, and Mikey took a breath as he continued.
“But then I talked to Dad about it.”
Raph immediately stiffened at that, his smile freezing and falling from his face. “And now it doesn’t hurt as bad.” Mikey finished, grabbing the big hand on his shoulder to hold it in both of his. He gripped his older brother’s hand tightly so he couldn’t run off, and stared up at him.
“And if you need… to, to talk about what’s happened, and what’s going on… maybe you would feel better too.”
Raph let out a chuckle, a hollow nervous chuckle and easily slipped his hand from his brother’s grasp.
“There’s nothing to talk about lit-big man!” He said, waving off Mikey as he backed up towards the door, “Raph’s doing fine! There’s nothing to worry about! Raph’s jus…just fine.”
He was out the door before Mikey could stop him, and Mikey sighed softly at where his brother had once been. It was going to be harder than he thought.
Leo was his next target. Mikey would have thought Leo would never want to be alone after everything that happened, but after he came back Leo rarely hung out with the family any more. He’d stay in his room for most of the night, but Mikey was sure he wasn’t sleeping. Then when everyone else woke up he’d take the other side of the city, away from where Raph patrolled, and would come home hours later than the eldest. With the pancakes all mostly gone thanks to Cassandra and Casey, Mikey was going to have to think of a new tactic.
Leo was on his way out of the lair when Mikey made his move.
“LEON!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, rushing his brother into a hug and taking them both to the floor.
“Mikey!” Leo screamed, immediately standing up as picked up the box shell with ease, checking him over, “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I was.. Um.. well I was gonna ask you something but you were on your way out and I wanted to stop you before you left.” Mikey said, giving a nervous laugh as he tapped his pointer fingers together.
“Miguel!” Leo said with a sigh, pushing his brother off of him as he stood, “I’ve got super important stuff to do today. Whatever it is can’t you ask Donnie? I’m sure he could help.”
“What super important stuff are you doing?” Mikey asked, rushing to stand by his brother.
Leo stopped at the exit and rubbed a hand over his face. Mikey tried not to take his reaction to heart, Leo was upset at other things not at Mikey… right?
“Listen Miguel.” His voice was slow, and Mikey could tell he was trying very hard to not sound as irritated as he felt, “Even with the Kraang gone there are a lot of bad guys still in New York. We’ve got to make sure the foot-clan goo monsters don’t go any attack any citizens.”
“Right.” Mikey said, a finger to his chin as he nodded. He grinned and looked back up to his brother, “Because that would be a sticky situation.”
Leo didn’t even grin at that, his mouth still a small line. “Right. Anyway, was there anything else?”
“I uh… just wanted to know if you wanted to talk about… your feelings… with the whole Kraang… situation.”
Leo immediately stiffened, and Mikey could almost see how guarded he became, his back straighter as his grip on his sword tightened.
“Yea, I’m fine Mikey.”
“And that’s okay!” Mikey said, trying not to stumble over his words. He was about to lose Leo, he could feel it, “But it’s also okay to not be fine with it. S..sometimes it helps to talk out what your feeling and-”
“But I don’t need to talk it out Mikey.” Leo replied, gritting his teeth slightly as he turned around, “Everything’s okay. You’re safe, Donnie and Raph are safe. Everyone got home in one piece. We’re all fine.”
Mikey put his hand on his brother’s arm, “But you don’t have to be.”
Leo took his arm out of Mikey’s grasp. With two more steps he was out of the lair, and walking his way to the surface. Mikey stayed there for a while, watching him go. His options were limited, but now he knew he’d have to go all out. Raph and Leo would forgive him eventually right….? Right!
Donnie and Mikey spent all night and the next day working on their plan. They didn’t have to be sneaky about it either since Leo and Raph were barely in the lair anyway. It didn’t take much convincing to get the others on board with the plan either, and soon everything was in place. All Mikey had to do next, was send out the bait. A text message.
Hey! Little bit of an emergency in the lair. Not super big but uh… kinda big. Come by when you can! Oh and uh… maybe hurry!!
It was just vague enough to trigger the older brother protectiveness Mikey was used to. Now all they had to do was wait.
Sure enough, the text did the trick as Leo sprinted into the middle of the lair.
“MIKEY?” He cried, starting a full sweep of the room to find the box shell.
Mikey and Donnie stayed back in the corner of the room, obscured by shadows as they waited for Raph.
It didn’t take long as Raph entered soon after, holding up his phone for Leo.
“Did you find him?”
“No! But he’s got to be around here somewhere!”
“Mikey!” Raph screamed, “Are you hurt? Say something buddy!”
“Oh there you guys are!” Mikey cried as Donnie turned on the light.
The lair had been decked out with snacks and games. Their father’s recliner had been moved out and replaced with different colored bean bags and sleeping bags, as well as pillows and blankets. On top of the projector was a stack of Jupiter Jim and Lou Jitsu movies. There were also different colored fairy lights lining the walls, giving the living room a much chiller vibe than normal.
As expected, neither turtle was very impressed.
“Mikey!” Raph started.
“We’ve got stuff we need to do!” Leo continued, headed towards the door.
“I’m sorry buddy.” Raph told Mikey with a shake of his head, “We jus-”
“Oh hey Donald.”
Mikey interrupted the two, causing them to both look at him, “What's that red button you’ve got right there do?”
“Oh hm, well Micheal I am not sure.” Donnie said, eyeing the button in a mock intrigue. “Perhaps I shall press it to see what will happen. Oh and there, now I have pressed it.”
As soon as the button was pressed both Raph and Leo had to tumble backwards to keep themselves from getting smushed as metal doors locked the living room of the lair from all sides. A computer generated Donnie voice spoke.
“Living Room Lair Lock Down detected. Living room locked down for the next Twenty Four Hours. Thank you.”
“What!” Leo cried, immediately putting a hand to the door. “What is wrong with you guys?”
Before either could answer Leo swung the swords off his back and opened a portal. He watched in horror and disbelief as the portal fizzled and died before he could step through.
“And a mystic power blocker courtesy of Barry Draxum Baby!” Mikey cried with a cheer as he fist pumped the air.
Raph turned and looked at Donnie in slight irritation, “Why are you doing this?”
He gave a small smile as he shrugged, “It was Micheal’s idea. But I do agree that both of you are acting like lone wolves and being remarkably cut off, which as you know, is MY thing.” He put his hand on his chest as he shook his head, “So we both decided to give you… a well deserved break.”
“People could be out there getting hurt!” Leo cried as he pounded on the door, “We don’t have time for a break!”
“Which is why April, Casey, and Casey Jr. all said they would pitch in and watch the town for tonight.” Mikey countered, grinning up at his brother.
“Not to mention Papa and Draxum are standing guard should you somehow manage to escape.” Donnie finished, narrowing his eyes at both his brothers.
“Which means! Family Bonding time!!” Mikey cried in excitement.
“M..Mikey.” Raph started, shaking his head.
Mikey paused to look at both Raph and Leo. Both of them gave him an almost defeated look. And that was not the mood of tonight. So Mikey set his jaw as he tried again.
“Look, I know something is bothering the both of you. And I know you won’t tell me what it is. It’s also true that I felt better after talking about it, but that doesn’t mean you will. You all pitched in to make me feel better about the braces.” He looked down at his hands, “I just want to return the favor. Even if its not talking… if it's just making you feel better.”
Raph looked at his two younger brothers. Mikey was looking up at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen. And Donnie… Donnie left his lair and spent the whole day with Mikey preparing this for them. The food was definitely home cooked by Mikey, and Donnie had even raided his moving collection to get this ready. Raph wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about everything that happened… but a break did sound a little nice.
He let out a sigh and kneeled so he was on Mikey’s level, “Okay, sounds like fun.”
Mikey screamed in excitement, almost Raph off the ground as he hugged him. Raph let out a small chuckle, which was enough for Donnie to come over a put a hand on his shoulder.
Leo watched the three interact and turned his attention back to the door. He glared as he tried another portal, still nothing… Then another, and another and another. It didn’t hurt this time, it wasn’t like when the Kraang took away their powers, it was more like when he had to sneeze but it wasn’t coming out. He could feel his ability to make the portals there, they just weren’t working.
“Leo…?” Mikey asked softly.
It scared the red eared slider a little, since he hadn’t heard his brother approach.
“Casey and April can-”
“And what if they get hurt?” Leo replied, his voice angry, “What if something happens and they get hurt because we were stuck in here playing games and having fun.”
“But you love playing games and having fun.”
“Yea and I also loved slacking off.” Leo remarked, “And look where that got us!”
He slammed his hand on the door, his anger seething out as he slammed his fist another time.
But then he heard sniffling, and the anger dissipated. He turned to see Mikey looking at him in concern. But to his shock, he was met with an even more concerned look. It wasn’t Mikey who was crying. Slowly he put his hand up to his face, and could feel the tears falling down. He was crying.
“Just one night Leon.” Mikey said, putting a hand on his shoulder, “One night like we used to… then you can go back to patrolling all day every day. I just… I just wanted to hang out again. Like we used to.”
Leo looked at Mikey who was now holding on to his arm with both hands. Donnie was giving him a small nod while Raph gave him a knowing soft smile. Leo let out a long sigh as he let go of his sword, letting it hit the floor with a loud clang, before taking his other sword and dropping it beside the first.
“Fine, but I’m not watching Jupiter Jim 4. Oh!” He grinned at Mikey as he pulled free from his grasp. “And I get to wear the helmet!”
Mikey let out a howl of indignation as he chased after Leo, trying to get to the helmet first. Donnie let out a small snicker as he set up the bean bags handing one over to Raph.
“This one is yours, I customized it for weight, height and general build. So your legs won’t fall asleep.”
Raph smiled as he took the red bean bag in his hand. “Thanks… D.”
The rest of the night went without incident. Most of the interactions were forced, but that was almost to be expected. Leo watched both Mikey and Raph as they snored softly in front of him. Mikey was sprawling out on his yellow bean bag, his long legs and arms hanging out of the edges of the blanket. Raph was on his own bean bag, on his side, his arm outstretched to touch Mikey’s arm. The red eared slider winced as he slowly stood. Not from any physical pain, just from understanding what Raph was doing. He didn’t want to feel like he was alone.
Leo was sure if Raph had asked Mikey would have definitely shared the bean bag with him, to make him feel less alone, but Raph wasn’t one to ask for anything. Then again, neither was Leo, that was sort of why they were in this situation in the first place. He moved Mikey’s blanket so it would cover the box shell better and made his way over to the kitchen. He found Donnie there, a mug in his hand as his back was turned from Leo.
“Getting coffee?” He asked, his voice soft not to wake the other two.
Donnie scoffed as he turned, his mug empty as he shook his head, “No, it seems Papa also took out the coffee machine, it seems he was adamant about making us sleep.”
Leo let out a small chuckle, “Yea, like it’s the coffee that keeps me up.”
Donnie put both his hands on the counter, setting his mug down, “It definitely helps.”
Leo leaned up against the counter, looking away from Donnie as he looked over Mikey and Raph.
“It was nice of you and Razz ma Tazz over there to set this up for us.”
Donnie looked over at Mikey and gave a soft smile, “I had to. I kind of owed him one.”
“Oh?” Leo questioned, an eyebrow raised, “Did he beat your highscore or something?”
Donnie shook his head before looking down. “No he just… helped me feel better I guess.”
Leo narrowed his eyes at that, a small frown at his lips.
“I didn’t want to talk about most of the stuff that happened in the Kraang ship. I thought if I just waited long enough eventually those feelings would just… go away. But they didn’t and the nightmares didn’t and I just felt… stuck.”
Leo listened to his brother, even though part of him didn’t want to hear it. He heard a small sniffle, and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder, not looking over at him, he knew Donnie didn’t want to be seen like this.
“Being connected to the ship… it was like I was in the Kraang’s hive mind. I could hear what they heard… I thought what they thought. I could see in great detail what they did to Raph… what they wanted to do to us, to our family, to our planet.”
Leo turned to look at Donnie and saw that he was shaking slightly. He patted Donnie on the shoulder and opened his arms out for a hug. Donnie obliged and hugged Leo tightly.
“I could feel the tentacles up and down my shell, weird electric pulses that connected me to the inner workings…” He paused for a second, trying to catch his breath, then continued, “And even now sometimes I can still feel the pain when they were removed.”
Leo tightened his grip on his brother, trying to keep himself from crying.
“I didn’t want to tell Mikey, I didn’t want to tell Dad, I didn’t even want to tell April. It felt wrong, and stupid to complain after what everyone had been through. Bu..but Mikey never asked. He just stayed there, waiting for me to talk it out. To get everything off my chest.”
Donnie let out a small chuckle, wiping off his tears as he took off his goggles and mask, “I don’t know how he does it. Mikey is so patient with us. I was curt and rude and almost mean trying to get him to leave me alone… and he wouldn’t do it. And then I had a full blown panic attack in my lab. The world was spinning, I was having a hard time breathing, really thought everything was ending right in front of me all over again. But then…. Mikey was there, and he was giving me instructions to work through the panic attack…”
He let go of Leo then, pushing himself back on the counter as he let out a small sigh, catching his breath, “And I realized how much I missed… this…”
Donnie turned to Leo, a deadpan look on his face, “Well, not this exactly.” He pointed to himself and Leo on the counter.
“But just… playing games at the arcade with you and Raph, doing arts and crafts with Mikey… going to a pizza place in the Mystic City… I didn’t like being alone anymore… it was easier to deal with when I knew I had someone in my corner… so I just thought… maybe you and Raph could use that too.”
He put a hand on Leo’s shoulder, “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on. But know that if you ever do… I’ll listen. And I won’t judge… a lot.”
Leo gave him a face and Donnie grinned and chuckled, “I’m kidding! I won’t judge at all! Just know Leon… you don’t have to do this by yourself.”
Leo sighed as he took in this information. There were things eating up at him, but worrying the others felt wrong… but then again… He turned towards Donnie and against his better judgment… spoke.
“Sometimes I still hear his voice.”
Donnies eyes widened at that and he slowly nodded. Leo gave it a few more seconds, then in a shaky voice continued.
“Everything will be fine and I'll be fine and everything is normal. And then I'll hear him. He'll say something like it's all your fault or something even more stupid. I look over and the lair is now a shadowy waste land and he’s there screaming about his wraith… or something… I can’t move.” Leo stared at the ground, “And I know this is where I’m going to die.”
“What an asshole.”
Leo gasped at Donnie, quickly turning to his other brothers. “Donnie you can’t-”
“What?” Donnie asked, shrugging his shoulders, “Mikey and Raph are asleep and Pops and Draxum are on the other side of the wall. They can’t hear me. And more importantly was I wrong?”
Leo snickered, “No you’re not.” He sighed and pushed his shoulder into Donnie’s. “I guess this whole… situation is weird. It was easier to not think about it when it all went to Raph… but now it’s on me…”
“Well that’s just inaccurate.”
“You’re really gonna do this right now?” Leo said, holding with a small snicker as he rolled his eyes at his brother.
“Anata wa hitori janai.”
Leo felt tears sting at his eyes as he let out another breath. He felt Donnie put his hand on Leo’s shoulder.
“You aren’t alone Leo. Even as the leader of the team. I’ll still be there to correct your obviously incorrect mathematical skills. Mikey will be there to keep morale up and Raph will still be there to smash, as well as help you with plans.”
Donnie turned Leo, forcing him to face the softshell as Donnie gave him a smile. There was no irony behind it, no malice hiding under the surface. It was an honest, sincere smile from Donnie. And the dam broke.
Leo tried to stop it, he really did, but as he took a breath he choked on a sob and Donnie pulled him into a hug. Leo whimpered slightly as Donnie tightened his hold on him.
“You’ve got so much on your shoulders Neon.” He whispered, “Hell you almost died. I understand that's got to weigh on you.”
Leo wanted to respond, to make a joke or say he was fine, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything as he continued to sob.
“But you will never have to do this on your own.” Donnie’s voice got quieter as he continued, “Unless you, you know, sacrifice yourself to a prison dimension again.”
That made Leo chuckle, a small squeak in between the tears and gasps of air.
“And even then we’ll drag your sorry ass out of there.”
“Don I failed everyone… I got Raph captured… I let Casey down..” Leo muttered, clinging to his brother as he buried his head in Donnie’s shoulder. Thankfully Donnie wasn’t wearing his battle shell, otherwise this might not be that comfortable for him.
“Uh huh.” Donnie said, “Well that’s just not true, but even if it was, you got Raph back and you saved the key and you trapped the Kraang in another dimension…. So that literally balances everything out. And don’t get me started on Casey…”
“W..what”
“Yea yea we get it, future Leo was so cool or something.” Donnie said, rolling his eyes. “And as much as I hate to admit it, you probably were cool and did what you were supposed to. Much less so than me but still.”
He pulled back from Leo to put a hand on both of his shoulders, “But you are not him. And you don’t have to be! Because that guy, those versions of us are gone… and aren’t coming back.”
Leo sniffed and looked up to Donnie finally meeting his eyes.
“And you’re going to have to do something future Leo never had to do.”
Leo snickered, “Oh yea and what’s that? Deal with all of you?”
“Move on.”
Leo stiffened slightly at that, his eyes widening, “W..what do you mean?”
“The evil robot SPAM are gone.” Donnie told him, trying to sound certain, even though it wasn’t. “And now you have to live every day past that. You didn’t die in there Leo, and every day you survive through is proof enough.”
“You don’t have to have it all together Leonardo.” Donnie told him, “You don’t need to know everything, you don’t even need to know anything. We’ll figure this out together okay? One day at a time.”
Leo gave Donnie a small smile nodding as he wiped the rest of the tears off his face.
“Come on.” Donnie continued walking towards the lair.
“Where are you going? Oh my GAWD Donnie do you have a way to turn the walls off? Are you going to your lab?”
Donnie turned back to Leo with an annoyed look as he stared at his brother, then down to his pjs. “I am in my Jammie Jams Nardo. I am going to my bean bag to sleep. And I suggest you do the same.”
“Psh I’ve seen enough sheeps thank you. Get it… cause Draxum is a-”
“Yea no I got it.” Donnie said with a roll of his eyes, “Come on, you look like you’re about to fall over.”
Leo reluctantly followed him over, about to take a seat on his bean bag as Donnie picked it up. Leo gave Donnie an insulted look, but Donnie merely rolled his eyes as he grabbed the bean bag and moved it right above and in between Mikey’s and Raph’s sleeping forms. Then he threw his bean bag to the right of Leo’s, closer to Raph and stared at Leo. Leo put his hands up in surrender and laid down in his bean bag. His first idea was to put his feet right in Mikey and Raph’s face, but that didn’t seem like the vibe Donnie wanted, so instead he turned over and leaned on his back, looking from Mikey to Raph’s face. He turned to look at Donnie and saw him lying on his stomach, his back to Leo.
“Just this once, and if you tell anyone I’ll kill you.”
Leo couldn’t help but chuckle. He hadn’t slept on Donnie’s shell since they were kids, and Donnie hated every second of it. “Doesn’t it hurt?”
“Oh believe me, if it’s too much I’ll kick you off.”
“Fair enough.”
Sleeping in a bean bag wasn’t the best way to spend a night. A lesson Mikey was learning the hard way it would seem. He stretched his shoulders and went to move his arm when he realized it was under something. He looked up to see that Donnie and Leo were fast asleep. Leo was snoring on top of Donnie’s shell, with one arm out on Raph’s shoulder, or rather where it was supposed to be, and Mikey’s right arm caught in the other arm’s grasp. It took a few seconds to wiggle it free, but then Mikey was able to get up the rest of the way.
Normally he wouldn’t mind staying asleep, especially since Leo was asleep, but the red bean bag was empty, and Mikey was on a mission. It didn’t take long, seeing as how the twenty four hour lock down wasn’t over yet, to find Raph sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen area.
“You hungry?” Mikey asked in a small whisper, ready to fix up whatever Raph was wanting.
“Leo’s sleeping.” Raph commented, “That’s good to see.”
“I know! It’s been a while for him huh?” Mikey remarked, grinning.
Raph sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.
“You slept too.” Mikey started, “Which was nice.”
“Sleeping’s easy…. It’s the dreams that are hard.” Raph commented as he crossed his arms, looking away from his brother.
Mikey nodded, waiting for Raph to continue. But he didn’t, and continued to look over Leo and Donnie as they snored softly.
“Do you think he’s ready?” Mikey asked, looking at Leo. “To lead I mean.”
“I don’t know.” Raph said, an honest dejection in his voice. “I didn’t think I was up to be the leader… but I had to be… I just… don’t want Leo to have to be the leader.”
“It’s pretty scary being the leader.” As long as Raph kept talking, Mikey would call it a win. “A lot of people are relying on you.”
“And every decision you make…” Raph sighed softly, his shoulders shuddering, “I can understand why he’s worried about it.”
“I mean he’s got some pretty big shoes to fill.” Mikey commented, looking over at Raph to gauge his reaction.
Raph narrowed his eyes at Mikey, “He’s not getting my clothes Mike.”
Mikey laughed, shaking his head, “No no! I jus… aha no I meant you were already doing a pretty good job as leader, so he’s probably trying to do as well as you did.”
“Oh…” Raph relaxed slightly, “Right… well I’m sure he’ll do a great job as a leader.”
“Especially since we’ll be here to help him with it.” Mikey told him, inching his way closer.
“The same way.” inch “We’ll all be there.” Inch “For you.”
Mikey was right in front of Raph now, looking up at his big brother.
Raph gave Mikey a smile, “I know you’re all there for me, we’re not ever alone remember?”
“Right.” Mikey took a breath, steeling his resolve, “But… do you believe that?”
Raph let out a shocked, nervous laugh, “What?”
“I know you know you aren’t alone, I mean, I’m right here being awesome. But… you do know that you don’t have to baby us right?”
“Of… of course I do big man!” Raph said, his nervous laughter getting higher as he put a hand to the back of his neck, “I let you go on solo missions once every seventeen years now.”
Mikey narrowed his eyes, “That was not what we were talking about, but we’re gonna circle back to that in a second.”
Raph winced and nodded.
“What I mean is, you went through a lot. And I know that you think if you don’t tell anyone you won’t have to drag them down in the dumps where you are… right?”
Raph’s nervous demeanor shifted, and he looked away.
“But then you’re just all alone in the dumps… which you don’t have to be.” Mikey reached out and grabbed Raph’s hand. “Raph I know you don’t want to tell me what’s going on in your head because you’re terrified you’ll scare me. But I’m not scared. I’ve never been scared of you.”
Raph shook his head.
“No don’t!” Mikey interjected, “Even then Raph even when you were a Krangifyed zombie thing, I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared for you. Because you’re my big brother and I worry about you.”
Mikey wrapped his arms around Raph in a big hug, “And I’m still worrying about you.”
His arms were wrapped around Raph’s neck, since that was the only spot he could reach around, and clung to his big brother.
“I know you’d rather run from this and keep all of us out of the mess in your head, but I hate seeing you like this… I just… I want to help.”
Raph stood up off the counter, taking Mikey with him. “There’s nothing to help Mikey. Honest Raph’s doing fine!”
“Why do you keep saying that? You’re not fine! I know you’re not fine, Dad knows, even Donnie knows! The Kraang are gone Raph they can’t hu-”
“But they aren’t the last ones, Mikey!” Raph cried in anger, then immediately lowered his voice as he looked over at Donnie and Leo. When he saw they were still asleep he sighed and sat back down, Mikey still clinging to his neck.
“There’s always another threat, another challenge, and we have to be ready for it!”
Mikey turned and let Raph put his elbows on the counter as he put his hand in his head.
“Because we could… Leo almost… we can’t cut it that close ever again.” Raph shook his head, and Mikey could see his arms were shaking.
“Raph…”
“No Mikey!” Raph turned away as he shook his head, “If I can keep the city safe, if I can stay on top of everything then you’ll never hurt your arms with your mystic powers ever again. None of you would get hurt if I just… if I…”
The silence stretched out as Raph tried to catch his breath and keep himself from crying. Mikey began to climb up his shell, until he was sitting on his shoulder.
“Seems pretty lonely down there.”
Raph turned to look up at Mikey, “What?”
“Just… the view from your shoulders… with the whole world up here I’m surprised you’re still breathing.”
“Mikey…”
“We don’t know what’s going to happen next Raph, no one does. Maybe the next thing we fight will be even scarier than the Kraang… or maybe they won’t. Maybe next time we’ll fight that worm guy or Meat Sweats or Hypno. We don’t know what’s gonna happen next.”
Mikey leaned down so he could look his brother in the eye, even if his head was upside down, “But I know that we’ll figure it out. Together.”
He jumped off of Raph’s shoulders in a small front flip as he landed right in front of him on top of the table. He sat cross legged as he stared at his older brother. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, what scared you back then, what’s still scaring you now. But I’ll still be here. I’ll listen when you’re ready, or I’ll sit here in silence just so you know you aren’t alone. This isn’t something that heals overnight, and I know that. I just want you to know you aren’t walking the road to recovery all by yourself. We’re all here for you Raph. Promise.”
Raph leaned forward and put his head in Mikey’s lap as he sighed, “I know…. It’s just hard sometimes… not knowing what’s coming next.”
“Whatever it is… we’ll face it together.” Mikey told him as he leaned down and wrapped his arms around Raph’s shoulders. “Now please eat some food we both know you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.”
Raph gave a nervous chuckle as he sat back up, “Well I just… you know I didn’t want to take the food away from you or Don or anyone.”
“Yea uh huh I’m not listening. I’ve got more food ready and you better eat ALL OF IT!!”
Raph gave Mikey a salute, “Yes sir!”
“And… maybe talk to Dad about all this okay? Or Draxum or someone if you don’t wanna talk to me.” Mikey finished as he grabbed a stash of the pizza rolls he had saved.
Raph looked at the pizza rolls in front of him and nodded, “Yea.. you’re probably right… Dr. Positive huh?”
“The one and only baby!!”