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It wasn’t a real date. Kaoru knows it wasn’t a real date, that Kojiro just needed his help after he broke things off with a girl he was seeing. But he can't help it, it felt real. The way they stayed together the entire night. How Kojiro placed his hand on his lower back when an older man started to get particularly flirty. The way the people at the business mixer assumed they were a couple, the way Kaoru and Kojiro let them.
It would have been easy a simple “Oh no, we are just business partners,” It isn’t wrong either, Kaoru is an investor in Sia La Luce. Although he only uses that information to get free food and never to make any business decisions for Kojiro.
The amount of wine Kaoru has had also isn’t helpful, it’s making his mind wander and think about things he knows he shouldn’t be. Like how amazing the night was and how if it was real—if what all those people thought was actually true—it wouldn’t have to end. Instead of sitting in the back of a taxi about to be dropped off, Kojiro would come inside with him, and they would have one more glass of wine. Maybe one thing would lead to the next and Kaoru would spend the night sleeping with his head rested on Kojiro’s chest. But that's foolish thinking and not going to happen. Kaoru knows this all too well.
They are only fifteen minutes from Koaru’s home, he should say something, they haven't spoken in a while, but he doesn’t. Kaoru’s head is spinning a bit from the alcohol, so instead Kaoru leans over slightly and rests his head on Kojiro’s broad shoulder. This isn’t the smartest plan Kaoru has ever had, especially after all his racing thoughts tonight.
“You okay, Kaoru?” Kojiro asks, his deep voice sounding even deeper as he speaks in a low whisper.
Kaoru doesn't quite know what to say, he could feign being drunker than he actually is, he could tell Kojiro that accidentally pretending to be a couple all night put him under an emotional toll he wasn’t ready for, he could tell him the truth about how he feels. But instead, he groans lightly and nestles his head farther into the crook of Kojiro’s neck.
“You’re fine, you can nap. I’ll wake you when we get to your house.” Kojiro says, smiling.
“I don’t want to sleep,” Kaoru responds, lifting his head slightly to look at Kojiro in the eyes.
Kojiro holds his gaze and laughs lightly, “Ok, princess. What do you want then?”
It’s a dangerous question to answer, Kaoru knows this, he huffs lightly and rests his head back on Kojiro’s shoulder as he thinks of his response. But before he can come up with something that isn’t “I’ve been in love with you since high school,” Kojiro starts to lightly play with Kaoru’s hair as it pools down Kojiro’s arm.
“You know,” he says while running his fingers through Kaoru’s soft pink hair, “I had a lot of fun tonight. It was nice, even though there were a bunch of people there, the whole night I felt like it was just the two of us.” Kojiro smiles softly as he rests his head on top of Kaoru’s head.
“Really?” Kaoru responds in a voice much softer than the one he usually uses.
“Yeah, we were in our own little world for most of the night. Only interrupted when that man wouldn’t leave you alone.” Kojiro’s voice isn't nearly as soft as he says that, he speaks all of a sudden as if he is annoyed.
“Careful Kojiro, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were jealous,” Kaoru says back trying to lighten Kojiro up with some playful banter.
It doesn't seem to work as Kojiro just hums back in response. The silence in the taxi sits between them until Kojiro finally speaks, “And if I was?” he asks.
The taxi hits a bump and Kaoru takes it as the perfect opportunity to sit up, looking Kojiro in the eye. “If you were jealous of that random old man?” Kaoru asks clarifying Kojiro’s question. He only nods his head in response, trying not to break Kaoru’s eye contact. Kaoru rolls his eyes and rests his head back on Kojiro’s shoulder. “If you were jealous of that old man, I’d call you an idiot and hit you with my fan. Jealousy stems from a belief your partner might choose someone else over you and you would be stupid to think I’d pick anyone over you.”
“Because were are best friends right?” Kojiro asks, in a tone that resembles one of a teenager asking their crush on a date.
Kaoru’s response gets stuck in his throat, Kojiro is asking him to clarify his reasoning, it's a simple request, a “yes” would suffice. But he can’t say it, he can’t let Kojiro misconstrue this. He can’t let this little crumb of something more fall through his fingers.
Their eyes meet again and for a moment they just look into each other's eyes before Kojiro unmistakably glances down at Kaoru’s lips. He asks again, “Right, Kaoru?”
Their breath is mixing together in the 3-inch space between their faces, Kaoru doesn’t know what to say, a “yes” is the correct answer but would send the wrong message and a “no” would be even worse. Kaoru’s mind is racing, should he just lean forward and close the gap and forever change their 20-year friendship in a single second? Or does he stay still, leaving the final move up to Kojiro?
The taxi comes to a stop, and Kaoru glances out the window to see his house. He looks back at Kojiro, worries pinching his eyebrows in close and a small frown on his lips. Kojiro grabs Kaoru’s haori that sits on his lap and takes a deep breath, his voice comes out shaky, “I, I could come in with you? Make some tea?”
Kaoru smiles and places his hand on Kojiro’s cheek, Kojiro leans into the touch, “I’d like that.” He says smiling faintly. As they walk into the house Kojiro reaches out and takes hold of Kaoru's hand.