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Sister Julienne sobbed as quietly as she could into her pillow.
She was lying in her bed in Nonnatus House. Well, technically it wasn’t her bed. She had given up all her worldly possessions when she joined the order. She had done so willingly, knowing that she was entering a life that offered so much more.
No, she was in the bed that had been assigned to her. In the home that had been assigned to her by her Mother Superior.
But it didn’t feel like her home. Not yet at least. And she right in this moment she doubted she ever would.
She had felt at home at the Mother House. There she had been among others her own age. It had been in the countryside, a setting she was more familiar with compared to the big city.
And at Nonnatus House, while among fellow Sisters, they still mostly felt like strangers to her.
Her superior Sister Clara Ruth was firm but fair. But she wasn’t a very warm person, and Julienne did not feel comfortable speaking with her about personal matters.
Sister Evangelina was closest to her in age, but there was still an age gap. She felt like they came from completely different worlds, and Julienne had a feeling that Evangelina didn’t like her very much. Though if it was due to the age difference, their different upbringings, or the incident that had occurred the first time they worked together, she couldn’t tell. In truth she was probably more scared of Sister Evangelina than anyone else at Nonnatus.
Julienne wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Though she tried her best not to, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for herself. Her muscles ached. Her bones ached. Her head was foggy, and there was a dull pounding behind her eyes. She’d been trying to sleep all day but had not had much success. She’d felt so uncomfortable, either too hot, too cold or too achy to be able to get much rest.
But almost worse than her physical pain was the emotional ache. She felt lonely. She missed the Mother House. She missed Sister Jesu Emmanuel. She missed Sister Felicity, and all the others back in Chichester.
They had become her family when she joined the order, and being separated from them had been a harsh blow.
When she first joined the order, the separation from her family had been difficult. She missed her mother and father very much, and not a day went by where she didn’t feel terrible about leaving Charles. She knew she had made the right decision, but it was hard nonetheless.
But leaving for Poplar had been different. It hasn’t been her choice. She was a religious Sister now, she’d taken a vow of obedience. She went where she was told. Even though she always knew what that meant, it came as a surprise to her how difficult it actually was to be forced to leave her new home so soon after settling in at the Mother House.
And now, in her miserable, feverish state, all she wanted was to go home.
She was disrupted by her thoughts by a firm knock on the door. She quickly wiped her eyes and sniffed, sitting up just as Sister Evangelina entered carrying a tray.
——o——o——o——o——o——
“If she’s going to be out of action she should be sent back to the Mother House until she’s fully recovered,” Sister Evangelina complained. “We’ve enough to deal with here as it is!”
“She hasn’t been here long,” Evangelina continued, addressing the whole dining table, “she’s been nothing but dead weight all the while, and now she’s gone and gotten herself ill, leaving us even more-“
“She needs assistance because she is a novice,” Sister Monica Joan interjected. “As were you once, Sister Evangelina,” she added with a meaningful look.
“But-“ Evangelina tried, but Monica Joan continued.
“In my view she is doing a fine job for her experience and age. And she has had an impeccable bedside manner from day one.”
She glanced over at Evangelina and added “Which is more than I can say of some seated at this table.”
“I beg your pardon-,” Sister Evangelina fumed, but was interrupted once more.
“Sisters!” Sister Clara Ruth pleaded from the head of the table. “Let us not quarrel. Our priority is taking care of our patients. And at the moment that includes one of our Sisters.”
She turned to Evangelina and continued.
“A Sister might return to the Mother House to convalesce should it be necessary. But seeing as Sister Julienne was only taken ill yesterday and has fairly mild symptoms yet, she should hopefully recover soon. She stays here, and we shall care for her until she’s better.”
“But-“ Sister Evangelina tried again, but was quickly shut down.
“That’s enough, Sister,” Clara Ruth said firmly. “Now, if you’ve quite finished you might take a tray to Sister Julienne’s room. She’s slept since breakfast and I should like her to eat something.”
Sister Evangelina prepared the tray in silence. She added a small portion of the evening’s meal, a piece of bread and a glass of water.
Just as she was about to pick up the tray and leave, Sister Monica Joan walked by and slipped a small plate with a slice of cake and a spoon onto the tray. Sister Evangelina looked up in confusion.
“Are you quite well, Sister,” Evangelina asked in a mocking voice. “I’ve never known you to willingly part with a slice of cake before.”
“There are many things you do not know, Sister,” Monica Joan replied with a smile before leaving the room.
Evangelina entered Julienne’s room and made her way over to the bed. She took in the younger Sister’s appearance. It was undeniable that she was unwell. While Evangelina would have preferred not to have to act as a nurse in her own home, especially to this person she didn’t particularly care for, she could see that it wouldn’t be reasonable to put the girl on a train to Chichester.
“Sister Clara Ruth insists you eat,” Evangelina said. Julienne nodded, then sniffled and swallowed thickly.
“Thank you, Sister,” Julienne said timidly as Evangelina placed the tray across her lap.
Evangelina nodded slowly and stared down at the Sister. “Best eat up. A Sister is no use to the community laid up in here.”
With that, she turned on her heel and left.
——o——o——o——o——o——
Julienne stared at the door as the older Sister left. She felt wretched. She’d only been in Poplar for just over a month, and already she was failing. Failing both her Sisters and the community. She felt tears starting to prick at her eyes again.
She tried distracting herself by looking over the contents of the tray. She really wasn’t hungry, but was too scared not to try and follow Sister Evangelina’s orders.
She spotted the slice of cake and instantly knew that Sister Monica Joan had put it there.
Sister Monica Joan.
Julienne was in awe of how the people in Poplar viewed the elder Sister. The first week after she’d arrived she’d been instructed to follow along with Sister Evangelina, but since then she’d almost always been out on house calls and attending deliveries with Sister Monica Joan. The elder Sister was always recognised and greeted warmly in the street, and it was not uncommon for them to deliver a child where at least one of the child’s parents had been delivered by Sister Monica Joan. Julienne could see that despite the fact that the elder Sister had a completely different background from their patients in Poplar, she was deeply respected in a way that money cannot buy.
And since Julienne arrived at Nonnatus House, Sister Monica Joan had been the one who made her feel the most welcome. She’d been the one who gave her encouragement and advice, and she was always very kind, even when Julienne made mistakes.
It had been Sister Monica Joan who noticed that Julienne was under the weather. Who saw that she was mostly pushing her food around at meal times, saw how tired she was, noticed her eyes glistening with fever. It was she who had made Sister Clara Ruth aware of the situation, who had then promptly sent her to bed.
It was Sister Monica Joan who had come into Julienne’s room the previous evening with an extra blanket and a hot water bottle. “This room has always been draughty,” she’d said with a warm smile, then proceeded to gently tuck Julienne in.
When Julienne woke up this morning she’d felt so guilty for being unwell. She knew the Sisters were understaffed, and her absence wasn’t helping matters.
So when Sister Monica Joan had come in to check on her, she had pretended it wasn’t that all bad. That she was feeling better in fact, and would be ready to work by lunchtime.
Sister Monica Joan had seen right through her, taking in her flushed cheeks and glassy eyes. Julienne couldn’t fake herself out of a temperature. With a hand to her forehead, Sister Monica Joan had confirmed the fever, and then provided a thermometer to quantify it. The elder Sister had then supplied an antipyretic and encouraged Julienne to try and go back to sleep.
And now, Monica Joan had provided Julienne with a slice of cake. Though she highly doubted she would manage to eat it, let alone the food, she was touched by the gesture. She took a deep breath and made an effort to eat at least a little.
——o——o——o——o——o——
Monica Joan knocked lightly on the door to Julienne’s room. She waited for a response, but when none came she opened the door as quietly as she could and snuck inside.
As she rounded the door she saw the young Sister in her nightgown, kneeling on the stone floor, hands clasped in front of the bed.
“Whatever are you doing out of bed, child?” Monica Joan exclaimed in concern. She could see the girl shivering from across the room.
“I know I can’t join you in the chapel but… I wanted to say the offices,” Julienne said with a shaky voice as Monica Joan made her way to the bed.
Monica Joan did not feel it was necessary to mention that it was a bit early for Compline yet.
“You are entirely welcome to do so, should you have the strength,” Monica Joan said, helping a weakened Julienne up off the floor and back into bed. Doing so, she was concerned by the feverish heat she could feel radiating through the young Sister’s nightgown. “But you are ill, and any offices you say while recovering may be said in a supine position.” Monica Joan flashed a smile that did not entirely mask her concern for the young woman.
Julienne nodded weakly as Monica Joan pulled the duvet over her half-sitting, still shivering body and put the blanket on top.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked at the tray on the nightstand. Not much had disappeared from the plates. She nodded towards the tray. “Sister Evangelina will not approve of a half-eaten tray,” she commented, hoping she would be able to encourage Julienne to take a few more bites.
“I don’t think Sister Evangelina approves of me at all,” came a quiet reply.
Monica Joan thought for a moment, then said, “Much like her cooking, Sister Evangelina is an acquired taste.”
“However,” she said, making an attempt to change back the subject, “regardless of the flavour, it will offer sustenance. Which you require, to aid in your recovery.”
She picked up the plate and held it out, encouraging Julienne to take a bite. Julienne shook her head faintly. “Please, Sister,” she pleaded. “It hurts.”
“Where does it hurt?”
“My face. When I eat or drink.”
Monica Joan put the plate back on the tray and looked closer at the young Sister. Gently she palpated around Julienne’s neck and ears, eliciting a wince from the young Sister.
She knew she would have to double check with medical archives and possibly the doctor, but she was fairly sure what was afflicting the young Sister.
——o——o——o——o——o——
“Mumps?!”
Evangelina didn’t quite believe her ears.
“How is it possible? Didn’t she have it growing up?” she asked.
“Apparently not. Her father was in the Air Force, she grew up on RAF stations. They moved around a lot and the family was close so she didn’t spend a lot of time around other children.” Sister Clara Ruth explained.
“She’ll have caught it in Poplar, then. Probably didn’t follow hygiene protocol.” Evangelina said brusquely. “Though I’m not sure how that’s possible the way she’s carried on, washing herself endlessly after each home visit,” she added scornfully.
“I believe our Sister has forgotten her own early days in Poplar,” Monica Joan said, addressing the whole breakfast table. “I seem to recall that you took ill several times in your first year. As do many who enter district practice or work with children.”
“As for hygiene,” Monica Joan continued, “there have been no issues whatsoever in my presence.”
“But she doesn’t respect the patients!” Evangelina said furiously.
“This is the first I’m hearing about it,” Sister Clara Ruth interjected. “Why have you not brought this up before? And Sister Monica Joan, is this your view as well? You have spent the most time with her in the district.”
“She won’t say it but she looks down on the patients,” Evangelina growled. “She’s repulsed by them!”
Sister Clara Ruth looked over at Sister Monica Joan.
“She is new to this area. She has not seen this kind of poverty before,” Monica Joan said simply.
“She is disgusted by the people who live in our community,” Evangelina spat.
“She is disgusted,” Monica Joan said calmly, “by the circumstances the people in our community find themselves in.”
“Sister Evangelina,” Sister Clara Ruth said turning to the Sister, “has there been an incident where Sister Julienne has failed to provide care to a patient?”
Evangelina froze, trying desperately to think of an example. Nothing came to mind however. It was more of a feeling, she realised. “No,” she eventually relented. “But I can see that she is revolted by the smells, the dirt, the-“
“I too found those things difficult at first,” Monica Joan confided. “As would anyone who has never seen it before. But I got used to it, and learned how to give the best care under difficult circumstances. And so will she.”
Sister Evangelina was not convinced, but didn’t have a reply.
“If no one has anything more to say on the matter I suggest we start the day,” Sister Clara Ruth said. “Sister Monica Joan, Sister Evangelina; since you have had contact with Sister Julienne I suggest that only the two of you continue to provide care for her to minimise the risk of cross infection.”
Sister Monica Joan had checked up on Sister Julienne during the morning, so by lunchtime it was Evangelina’s turn.
She prepared a tray - soup, this time, as she apparently had trouble chewing and swallowing - and headed for the younger Sister’s room.
Despite knowing Julienne had mumps, she was still shocked to take in the younger Sister’s appearance when she entered the room.
It was clear she had contracted a nasty case, with severe swelling on both sides.
“Lunchtime,” Evangelina announced.
Julienne swallowed thickly, winced and shook her head. “I can’t.”
Evangelina rolled her eyes and went over to the bed.
“You’re not a labouring mother,” Evangelina joked. “Come now, sit up.”
Julienne looked terrified and exhausted but began scooting up against the headboard.
Evangelina placed the tray across Julienne’s lap, but Julienne made no effort to pick up the spoon. She merely stared into the soup, and though Evangelina could not see it, her eyes were slowly tearing up.
“Go on then, I’m not feeding you.”
No reaction from Julienne. Evangelina sighed.
“You know, if you refuse to eat Sister Clara Ruth will be forced to send you back to the Mother House. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
At this, Julienne burst out crying. Big, heaving sobs with tears, and eventually snot, running down her face.
Evangelina was caught by surprise by this sudden outburst. For a few seconds she just stood, watching. Then she sprang into action.
She put the tray on the floor and sat down next to Julienne on the bed. She reached out and gently rubbed Julienne’s arm with one hand, while offering a handkerchief with the other. But Julienne’s eyes were screwed shut, so Evangelina carefully attempted to mop up some of the tears herself.
That’s when she heard Julienne starting to say something through the sobs. She couldn’t make it out at first, but then she heard it.
“I would… I would.”
“What? What is it?” Evangelina asked, bewildered.
“I would… I would like… to go… to the Mother… House,” Evangelina just about managed to make out between Julienne’s sobs which showed no signs of slowing down.
Evangelina couldn’t help it, she felt sorry for the girl.
She’d been so angry with Julienne. That first day when they’d been out in the district together, making a house call. They’d been in a two bedroom flat housing ten people across three generations, and another one on the way. She’d seen the look on Julienne’s face when they went inside - shock and horror - and growing up in a large family herself, she’d unconsciously taken it personally.
Then later she’d sent Julienne out to fill a bucket of water. When Julienne didn’t return she went out looking for her, and found the younger Sister dry heaving over a bin. This had spiked her fury even more.
But hearing Sister Monica Joan’s perspective this morning had made her think about the event differently. Perhaps it wasn’t the people which had caused the reaction, but rather their situation. And perhaps her retching had been a natural reaction to the smell. By now she was so used to it that she hardly noticed, but she could remember being quite badly affected by certain smells early on.
Evangelina snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Julienne speaking through her sobs again.
“And you… want me to… too.”
Getting that out seemed to release something in Julienne and she somehow started sobbing even harder.
“Come here,” Evangelina said softly. She gently pulled the younger Sister toward her, embracing her, rubbing circles on her back as Julienne wept on her shoulder. “Shhh,” she soothed, rocking slowly back and forth, taking care not to put pressure on Julienne’s swollen glands.
They sat like that for a long while, Evangelina soothing the younger Sister as best she could. Little by little Julienne calmed down. The heaving sobs decreased in intensity and became more infrequent, until she finally started relaxing, only letting out an occasional hiccuping sob.
Evangelina helped her lay back down and pulled the covers around her. Julienne pulled a hand free from the duvet and held up to her swollen jaw, eyes screwed shut and winced, tears still rolling down her face.
“I’ll be right back,” Evangelina promised, giving Julienne’s arm a gentle squeeze before hurrying out of the room. She returned with one bowl in each hand.
She placed the bowls on the nightstand and picked up a cloth from the bowl with cold water in it. She wrung it out and gently began wiping Julienne’s face. Then she picked up another cloth, folded it and laid it across the younger Sister’s forehead. Julienne let out a small sigh, and Evangelina could see her relax a little.
She then picked up a cloth from the other bowl, which was filled with warmer water. She folded it and gently held it against Julienne’s swollen glands.
Julienne gasped and looked up in surprise.
“It’s okay,” Evangelina soothed, “I’ll be careful.”
Julienne’s breathing had quickened, but seemed to trust Evangelina’s words as she took deeper breaths and closed her eyes again.
“My mother did this to me and my siblings when we had mumps,” Evangelina said. “It helped, after a while, and I thought it might help you too.”
Julienne only made a small “hm” sound in response, but Evangelina continued.
“I know… I know it can be difficult to be away from family. Away from home. Especially when you’re not feeling well.”
Evangelina sighed, then continued. “And I know it’s difficult and scary when you go somewhere new. I know you travelled with your family, I’m sure you’ve seen lots of places I could only dream of.” She cleared her throat, she was getting off track. “Erhm, but at least you had each other then. Now you’re coming here all alone. That must be scary. So we, uh, and I, will do better.”
She took a deep breath while wetting and applying a cloth to the other side of Julienne’s face, then stared off into the distance. “I know I can be harsh sometimes. It’s because I care about the people in the community. But, uh, you are a part of the community now too and…”
“I’m sorry I was so hard on you. You didn’t deserve that. I see that now. I’m sorry.”
Evangelina heard Julienne let out a small puff of air. She turned to look at the younger Sister, just in time to see her let out another small puff of air. She was asleep, lightly snoring.
Poor thing, exhausted herself, Evangelina thought.
She stood, careful not to jostle the bed. She picked up the tray - the soup would be cold by now, and she figured it was best to let the younger Sister sleep for now anyway.
Evangelina quietly closed the door behind her as she left. She promised herself that going forward, she would become better at controlling her impulses and not always running with her first thought. To try to view things from other perspectives before assuming what other people thought.
And maybe, just maybe, Sister Monica Joan could actually be right sometimes.