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It wasnt easy being Kiyotaka Ishimaru.
He couldnt remember the first few years of his life well..but it was better than how things went now. Back before his Grandfather ruined his family name and almost ruined the country itself. Ever since, Kiyotaka has worked hard to fix everything that man broke and prove normal people can do amazing things.
Quite a large goal. It would be impossible to not feel a mountain load of stress from that alone, but it on top of his constant bullying at school got to him. The only person he had for companionship was his father who clearly loved him very much, however he had his own troubles. When his grandfather passed, he left his massive amount of debt to his family that is father worked endlessly to pay off and provide for the two of them. Leading to Kiyotaka not seeing him as much as he would like.
He didnt blame his father, of course. He loved and admired his hard work, but he couldnt deny how lonely he was which only adding to the mountains of stress.
Thankfully, Kiyotaka Ishimaru had a coping mechanism.
It started while taking an exam. He always prided himself on his abilities to study hard enough to ace his exams. However, this time the stress to it was getting to him. He felt himself shaking as he read his work. He would remember advice to take deep breaths to calm down, but he felt like it just wasnt working!
Almost unconsciously, he put a hand up to his short hair twirling it with his finger. It..felt rather relaxing in fact. However after a bit he felt himself yank some of it out. He was surprised at his actions..but it didnt hurt surprisingly enough. In fact.,it felt calming.
So much so he kept doing it, not even noticing when he did. All he knew was that it helped his stress..
When he arrived at Hopes Peak, it continued. Thankfully his dark, black hair would mask most of the damage done to it. This is when he realized it was a problem. He finally realized he would be doing this without realizing when he wasnt even stressed! Whenever his hands were free, they would go towards his hair.
His biggest issue was hiding the damage from his boyfriend, Mondo Owada. Originally, the two were enemies, but after a competition they were as close as two could be until they began to date!
However, their was a con to being so physically close. There was a chance Mondo would see the damage which made Kiyotaka afraid. What if Mondo broke up with him or believed he was ugly?! He was trying to stop! He was! Just..nothing was working!
One night, Kiyotaka hummed as he brushed his boyfriend’s brown hair. They both have just gotten out of a relaxing bath together. One of his favorite things to do after was drying and brushing the bikers hair which Mondo seemed to enjoy just as much if him leaning into it was any indication.
"Hm..damn babe..I don't get it. When I brush my own hair it feels normal, but when you do it it feels real nice.." Mondo mumbled making Kiyotaka smile proudly. "Well I'm glad! You have such nice hair when you dont have all that hair spray in it!" Mondo responds with a playful glare. "Dont start.."
Kiyotaka chuckles and goes back to brushing. "Its true though! Im happy that your taking care of it and yourself!" Mondo didnt even attempt to hide the slight blush on his face as he just lets the other brush his hair.
After he was done, Kiyotaka rose up ready to get ready again before he froze as Mondo spoke. "Hey..I've been thinkin..you always brush mine and it feels real nice..how bout I brush yours real quick? Wont take long."
No..No he couldnt do that! If he did..he would see all the damage Kiyotaka has done to himself! The thought of looking and seeing Mondo's disgusted expression..he couldnt even handle the thought! Let alone it happening in reality!
Maybe it was stupid to get this worked up about something so small..most people never had to worry about something as silly as this. But he couldnt help it..he was ashamed that he has had this bad habit for years and couldnt make it go away. Noone knew about it! There is a very large chance it could be seen as gross or weird and that isnt what he wanted! He wanted to be normal! But normal people dont have the urge to pull their own hair right..?
"uh..Earth to Taka? If ya dont wat me too thats fi-" Mondo spoke after what was a minute of silence before Kiyotaka shook his head. "No! I would like you too!!" he couldnt help but blurt out immediantly regretting it after it left his lips.
Mondo raised an eyebrow, clearly reconizing that his boyfriend was panicking. "Uh..are ya ok-?" Kiyotaka quickly nods rushing to him. "I-Im fine! Completely!" he was shaking with his breathing quickening.
Mondo was suspicious. The only time his boyfriend acted like this was when he was scared or having a panic attack..he would have to figure out what was wrong. "Right..Do you wanna sit down..?"
KIyotaka paled a bit, but otherwise sat down in front of Mondo who got the brush ready. With that he began with Kiyotaka occasionally making a nervous glance torwards him. Mondo wanted to question it, but he knew he wouldnt get an answer when Kiyotaka was in this state.
Eventually, Mondo paused. He noticed something..there was a spot were his hair was clearly damaged. It nearly looked like a part of it was shaved off, but it clearly was not deliberate due to how uneven it was. Kiyotaka would never leave something this uneven and damaged.
"Er..Kiyotaka? What happened right here?" He questions as he feels Ishimaru freeze. Looking closer, he saw his boyfriend looking like he was going to be in tears as his breathing and heart. hate heavily increased. He was clearly panicking which made Mondo practically forget what he just asked as now he was just worried about his boyfriend.
"Hey.." The biker brought his voice down speaking more softly than anyone would ever hear. "Whats wrong..? Ya can talk to me..? You know that.."
Kiyotaka shook before practically throwing himself at the other as he lets out the tears he was holding and let out fear striken sobs. Mondo blinked before pulling the hall monitor closer stroking his back letting out words of assurance letting the other cry it all out.
It took nearly an hour for Kiyotaka to calm down. But when he did he wiped his eyes as he took deep breathes with the others presence calming him down.
"..Ready to tell me what' is wrong?.." Mondo spoke up first. "You dont need to, just.." Kiyotaka shook his head taking a breath.
"I..pull my hair out sometimes."
Mondo pauses before nodding seeing if Kiyotaka wanted to say anything more. Thus he continued.
"I..I dont even realize when Im doing it! It started as something I did on accident to calm myself down. But now..its like I cant stop! I do it unintentionally and I just..dont know how to stop! I was just..afraid. I was scared of what you would think when you got a closer look at all the damage. I know this isnt normal and its not good for me..I just dont know what to do! It makes me feel gross and even more disconnected from everyone else! I..I dont know how to make it stop!" Despite him thinking that his tears were gone, he broke into tears yet again as he sobbed on the bikers chest.
Mondo pulls him close. "I cant deny that..that is a bad habit. But it aint gross, Kiyoataka. It doesnt make you disconnected from anyone else..It is normal..it is something that happens to some of us. One of my gang members used to do somethin simular by playing with his skin. I know it seems like it won't go away, but if you truly want it to stop I know you can. But please..dont worry about what I think. Do ya ever think I would judge you for this? Id never..In fact..I wish you told me sooner." he mumbles as he pulls him closer making Kiyotaka wipe his eyes.
"I-I..I just dont know what to do..how can I make it stop?" he questions as Mondo sighs. "I dunno either. Recovering is different for everyone. But apart of being in a relationship is to always help your partner right..? Meanin Ill be with ya every step of the way..Ill do whatever I can to help and support ya, okay?"
Kiyotaka pauses before nodding and holding onto him. "Thank you..Mondo."
Mondo smiles a little at the sight. "No need to thank me..I just want to be there for you..Just please talk to me more about what scares ya. Ill always be there to listen and support you..I..hate seeing you scared"
Kiyotaka cant help, but smile at that..He had to remember. He wasnt alone. Not anymore. "Well Ill thank you anyway, and I will. I love you.." Mondo pulls him closer. "And I love ya too.."