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To say that Leah hates going to parties is – well it's not entirely untrue, but maybe, just maybe there's a teeny, tiny part of herself that likes putting herself in social situations after being one of the more isolated kids for almost the entire time she's attended high school. She was never highlighted and she never stood out as an individual in school; neither did she want to. Befriending Ian only reinforced her reticent behaviour. He balled in the same park as her.
But this was all before she met Fatin. Before the island. Not that Leah craves attention from spectating hawk eyes and nosy tongues due to her impromptu popularity burst, but on the occasion where the attention isn't hijacking her privacy, she does seem to ease into it, thanks to Fatin.
So to say that Leah doesn't crave attention at all is just plain stupid and universally false for even the most reserved person in the world. Everyone wants attention. Our lives revolve around wanting and offering attention. But Leah had never wanted attention as much as what is considered a normal amount. But again, that was before Fatin.
That was all before Fatin came crashing into her life, literally and figuratively. Fatin, who looks at Leah like she's the only person worth looking at in the whole damn world, like Leah is the one and only focal point of her eyes, and that if Fatin were to try to look at anybody else like that, she would fail miserably, like her eyes would burn in her sockets if she even dared to look at anyone who weren't Leah. So after all this, how could Leah not want to melt and swim in the attention that Fatin so willingly offers her? Nobody has ever – and she's certain nobody ever will – looked at her like that; only Fatin.
So Leah tries her damndest to grab Fatin's attention. She knows that Fatin will give it anyway, no conditions applied, but she still tries because how can she not? It's fun. She grabs any and all opportunities that will get Fatin to seek her out. Even agreeing to going to stupid high school parties.
Fatin is a known partygoer. She revels in such sociable situations and she's attended every single high school party in her two-year run (except for the very unfortunate duration when she was made a guinea pig to a fucked-up experiment against her will, of course) because she's just that popular. And when you're friends with an already popular personality whose popularity more than tripled after a trip to a deserted island, you tend to get wrapped up in all the attention from the onlookers.
Especially when, since their return to civilisation, the two girls have been practically inseparable. There has not been a single free moment where they weren't in contact one way or the other during school hours. Even after school, in their regular (if regular even exists anymore for them) lives, they're always texting or on the phone with each other. Leah writes it off as obvious signs of trauma bonding, but she knows there's another aspect to the whole scenario – an aspect that could ruin the one relationship where she feels safe and comfortable, without expectations of anything more.
But the thing is, Leah knows Fatin wants more. Leah isn't stupid. She's known for quite a while now. Fatin may be reserved about the inner workings of her mind, and may not know how to convey her feelings out in the open because she never learned vulnerability, she may put on an unbeatable mask anytime she feels too much, but she's not invisible to Leah.
At first, in the beginning days on the island, it was hard to get a read on Fatin. But then Leah really took time to study and learn the patterns of Fatin's behaviour, and the reasons why she's scared of opening up, of why she feels the need to keep her distance from people. Fatin may not know it, but Leah has learned Fatin like her favourite song.
So, yeah, all things (and time) considered, Leah knows how Fatin feels about her. It's exactly how Leah feels about Fatin. And shit, that's scary. Fatin is the only person she has who knows her – like, really knows her. Nobody will ever come close to knowing Leah even if they tried. She needs Fatin the same way Fatin needs her. So this strange (but very obvious) development of more-than-platonic feelings for each other that they've been dancing around since the awareness of it must be avoided and discarded at all costs if Leah wants Fatin to stay in her life.
But avoiding it is something that is incredibly difficult to do when Leah finds herself sitting across Fatin in a circle lined with her fellow schoolmates while stupidly agreeing to participate in a game of truth and dare. It's even worse when the bottle spins, and the tip of it points to Fatin and its end points to Leah. It's absolutely fucking excruciating when the rules of the game are reiterated (because Leah's dumb ass hadn't been paying attention before) and Leah, much to the noticeable shock on her face, realises she agreed to accompany the person sitting opposite her to seven minutes in heaven.
Oh, no.
Yes, Leah, 'oh, no' is right. The one thing that you've been trying to prevent (that is avoiding any situation that could urge her to ruin her and Fatin's relationship) the whole time is also the same thing you just consented to. Cursing herself under her breath and between mumbles, well aware that Fatin knows she's doing it, really doesn't help when the very drunk audience around her cheers and whistles for the girls of the hour to pick their dare.
Leah looks at Fatin. Fatin doesn't look fazed by this but there's a slight hint – just the slightest – of something like panic flashing in the brown of her eyes. Fuck, she's thinking the same thing Leah is. For a second, Leah thinks, hopes that Fatin will brush this ridiculousness off with her charm but that hope is washed away when Fatin pulls out her designated flirtatious smirk that is most obviously a mask that Fatin doesn't know Leah can see through.
"Come on, hot stuff," Fatin says, staying smug like she's finding this situation extremely amusing. She gets up from her seat, brings her arms out to Leah, who reluctantly lets Fatin grab her wrists, and pulls Leah up to her feet.
Leah doesn't utter a word and silently follows Fatin to the closet, trying her best (and failing) to ignore the encouraging noises around the room. She's also hyper-aware of the burning feeling of Fatin's slender fingers on her wrists. When they enter the dark room, Fatin flicks on a switch and a single yellow bulb illuminates the very tiny space. There isn't enough room for two people to occupy and they're standing so close that Leah can count all the freckles on Fatin's face. That's when Leah hears the door click from outside. Great, it's locked, so now she can't run.
Leah stays quiet. Fatin too. They just smile thinly and awkwardly at each other, and don't speak for so long that Leah is sure the seven minutes they're meant to spend have already passed. If only time were on her side.
So Fatin, always being the one to take charge, breaks the silence. "Girl, you look pale." Not what Leah expected Fatin to say but somehow that's exactly what she should have expected.
"It's the light." Leah points to the bulb above their heads hanging from the ceiling.
"Is this, like, awkward for you?"
"I don't know if being dared to spend seven minutes in a cramped closet with you is awkward. It's definitely a nightmare." Leah tries her hand at joking her way out of the very awkward situation that she just denied. To her relief, Fatin laughs.
"Bitch!" Fatin swats Leah's arms playfully and just like that, they settle into their usual dynamic.
"I've never played it before with anyone, just so you know," Leah says, having no idea why she just admitted that. But Fatin nods, reading between the lines for the reason why. Leah had never been to many parties before Fatin came along.
"It's just a game to test how long two horny teenagers can go without climbing each other," Fatin attempts at a joke, even huffs out a laugh, before realisation flickers in her eyes. But she quickly collects herself, as she always does. "So I think we're safe."
Leah furrows her eyebrows at the last sentence. 'I think we're safe'? Oh, honey, we both know we are very far from being safe . This is actually the exact opposite of being safe. Being locked up in a bathroom with your best friend for whom you have intense homosexual feelings for seven fucking minutes (that may as well be seven hours since the seconds feel so heavy) is dangerous. Very, very dangerous.
What's even more dangerous is the step Fatin tentatively takes toward Leah even though there really isn't much ground to cover between them. Why would she do this ?
"Do you wanna get out of here?" Fatin asks, concern lining up in the crease of her perfect eyebrows.
"No, it's fine. I mean, we've been through worse. I think we can manage seven minutes in a closet made for Lilliputians." Leah huffs, gesturing at the size of the room. She can barely breathe with Fatin's scent overstimulating her olfactory nerves, giving rise to the other nerves in her body.
Fatin smiles at Leah, looking amused at her comment. "You know we don't have to do anything, right?" She says it like she means the exact opposite.
And fuck, Leah wants to do something too. That's the problem. She wants to do something so much that it's hard to form any coherent thought that isn't the desire of feeling Fatin's lips on her own. It's actually very difficult, Leah learns, to try to control herself when she's been deliberately helped in a situation where she's so close to having Fatin the way she wants to as her mind beeps the sirens, warning her against it.
It's almost impossible to control her train of thoughts with the way Fatin is looking at her right now. She knows the gaze Fatin holds for her is special and reserved only for her. But there's something else entirely in Fatin's eyes. For the first time, Leah notices Fatin expecting something more from her; more than what they have.
It's unsettling because Leah has never seen that look on Fatin's face. That look of raw desire and expectation of something they're both afraid of. And Leah would be lying if she said she didn't imagine being wanted like that by Fatin. Fatin never made a move, being just as scared as Leah, and she never once did anything that could jeopardise their relationship. Fatin was always careful around Leah, which always broke Leah's heart, thinking that maybe Fatin didn't want her as much as she wanted Fatin.
But that's not what Leah is thinking of right now. Because any of that absurd thought is washed away from her mind with the way Fatin's brown eyes glint in the yellow light. Leah can reach out and trace the freckles scattered along the ridge of Fatin's nose, knows Fatin would like it too, but she wouldn't be able to explain it.
"How long has it been?" is all Leah can bring herself to say.
"Huh?" Fatin exclaims in confusion, not understanding what Leah means but then recovers. "Oh!" She says; it's so cute. Fatin grabs Leah's left wrist and eyes her watch. "I fear we've only been here for two minutes."
So five more minutes? Sure, she has been absolutely miserable for the past two, Leah can definitely manage five more.
Leah can see Fatin picking up on Leah's nerves and turning the gears in her head. "How about we play a game of our own to pass the time?" Leah raises her eyebrows. "We take rounds telling each other something that we like and hate about each other, how about that?"
Leah chuckles, some of the tension already dissipating. "Oh, you are treading dangerous waters there, Ms Jadmani."
Fatin amuses Leah with a grin. "Oh, you don't have anything you like about me?"
Oh, if only you knew .
"I do, but maybe I have more things I hate about you," Leah teases, any awkwardness between them long forgotten.
"Impossible."
Leah rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Okay, then I'll start." She makes a sound in the back of her mouth to think long and hard, acting like she needs to even think long and hard to list out all the things she likes about Fatin, but Fatin doesn't need to know that. "I like that you love your brothers more than anything," Fatin smiles shyly but nods. "I hate that you chew with your mouth open sometimes."
Fatin laughs incredulously at the accusation. "What? I have never done that."
"Yes, you have," Leah argues. "On multiple occasions. You're just too busy eating to even notice it."
"I think you just made that up."
"Nope, it's true."
"Okay, whatever, my turn," Fatin says. "I like, hmm, that you're not a quitter." The sincerity in Fatin's voice is enough to melt Leah's heart and red flushes to her cheeks. God, she really loves this girl. "I hate when you pick at your pretty eyebrows."
Leah eyes Fatin inquisitively. Fatin knows that Leah does that because of her anxiety but she's tried really hard not to pick at them after the first time someone stopped her.
"Well, I don't anymore," Leah says almost defensively.
Fatin simply smiles. "I know. I just wanna make sure you remember that. I'll stop you every time," a promise that she will never leave and always look after Leah. A promise that warms Leah's heart beyond measure.
"Okay, um, my turn," Leah gruffs, unable to stifle the small smile forming on her lips. "I hate when you force me to go parties,"
"You're not having a good time?" Fatin frowns.
"But," Leah interrupts. "I really like that you don't leave my side the entire time."
Fatin rolls her eyes. "I mean, yeah, what else am I gonna do?"
"Hang out with literally anybody else?" Leah huffs.
"Yeah, but they're not you," Fatin flirts.
"Shut up." Leah can see through the flirtation. She knows Fatin means it. She bites down on her lip to suppress her smile. "Your turn."
Fatin grins. "I really like it when you bite your lip."
Suddenly aware, Leah pulls her lower lip out of the grasp of her teeth and purses her lips. Fatin busts out laughing so hard she has to cover her mouth with her palm. "Fuck you."
"You're doing it again. It's really cute."
"I can't help it!"
"I know, that's what makes it cute." Fatin smirks and Leah sends her a glare. "Okay, okay, uh, I hate that, um," she drags it out, like she can't really come up with something she hates about Leah. But suddenly, Fatin's face, which was illuminated by her playfulness, turns serious and something more composite. "That sometimes you don't know what you really want."
Leah's breath hitches in her throat. Fatin is taking a chance – a dangerous one. But she's wrong. Leah does know what she wants – or rather whom she wants. Fatin knows what Leah wants too and she's provoking her to take it. To see if she will take it. So Leah takes a chance too.
"Do you know what I want?" Leah looks straight into Fatin's eyes and keeps her locked. Fatin can't physically run away from Leah, but she may try to turn a blind eye to the window she cracked open.
Fatin doesn't respond, only shrugs carefully. You tell me, her eyes say.
Leah observes Fatin's demeanour for a second. She's expecting something from Leah again, but she's still careful about it, like she doesn't want to overstep or maybe she thinks she timed it wrong. Fatin looks like she's standing still but Leah can see the almost unnoticeable movement of her shifting from one heel to another. She's nervous but still calm; a speciality of Fatin's.
Leah's nervous too. But she also feels oddly confident now that she knows that Fatin is doubting that Leah might be doubting whatever is going on here right now. This gives Leah an upper hand. This gives Leah an opportunity to do that something she's wanted to do for a really long time but always denied herself in the good faith of preserving their relationship the way it is.
Leah sighs. Maybe she will take this chance. The universe – or a stupid dare at a high school party – has certainly provided her with one, so why not use it, right? She's less scared now, knowing that Fatin (who's more scared on her part) is on the same page as her. If it were anybody but Leah, Leah knows Fatin would take the lead. So the gesture of willingly handing over the reins not only boosts Leah's confidence but also makes her fall for the girl more.
"Maybe I don't know a lot," Leah whispers low and hot, taking a small step towards Fatin. "But I know I really like the way you look at me."
Fatin still looks unsure. "How do you me–"
Leah doesn't let Fatin finish. She leans forward and kisses Fatin, something that doesn't take Fatin by surprise because that's what she was expecting. What she was anticipating. She could have kissed Leah, Leah knows she wanted to, but she let Leah take the lead instead. She wanted Leah to be the one to make the choice. She wanted Leah to have agency over where their relationship can go. And for that, Leah doesn't hold back.
Leah doesn't break the kiss and Fatin doesn't dare either. Leah steadies herself by pulling Fatin's face closer, both her hands holding Fatin's neck for support. She feels her ears getting hot and a burning sensation rising in her chest that she's never felt before. Fatin fumbles with Leah's jacket and ends up grabbing the collar, pulling them both backward until her back hits the door.
Their lips move in a synchronicity, like they've done this a thousand times before. It's new but familiar. It's new because she's kissing Fatin and it's familiar because she's kissing Fatin . And it feels fucking fantastic. Leah doesn't even feel scared anymore. Because when Fatin's lips are on her own, like she's so imagined countless times, and their bodies are pressed together creating hot friction, there's nothing else Leah is rendered to think about.
What Leah feels is soft, sweet lips biting her own, the swirling in her stomach, and the inevitable pull between her and Fatin. They were always meant to end up like this. Kissing and holding each other like they would shatter if they let go. But Leah knows, once their lips pull apart and their kiss breaks, that they won't shatter. That Fatin won't ever let go.
"Hi," Fatin breathes, her voice shot.
"Hey," Leah croaks, her own voice foreign to her ears. They rest their foreheads together and take turns breathing in the air between them. "So…"
"Yeah?" Fatin locks her gaze on the blue eyes.
"Do I win the game?"
Fatin huffs out a chuckle. "No! You only told me what you liked. You're down one."
"Okay, then," Leah amuses. "I really hate that you don't know when to shut up and just kiss me."
Fatin takes the hint with a grin and kisses Leah.
When the seven minutes do eventually pass, they don't become aware of it because they're still sucking face when they hear the door click. The latch unlocks from outside, making them part their lips very reluctantly.
They make their way out of the closet (Leah no longer complaining about its limited capacity) with Fatin wearing a wide smirk and Leah blushing shyly, looking down at her feet and biting her lip. The kids around the room cheer and whistle at the sight. Everybody is looking at her and Fatin, but Fatin is looking at Leah, admiring her lip-biting habit. Numerous eyes on her yet Leah is content in all the attention she gets from the one person by her side.
Maybe dreading those seven minutes was an unwise call because those seven minutes were definitely heavenly.