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Over the next week, Sirius is surprised to find that despite tiptoeing around him, Remus is still present in the house. In fact, he has made it a point to be around, make sure that Sirius eats, and engage him in conversations that avoid the obvious triggers for Sirius’ anger. Still, they haven’t discussed what it means that Remus would absolutely always side with Dumbledore no matter what.
Instead, they’ve spent most of the last week bashing on Umbridge (who Sirius hates with a passion but can’t explain why because it involves secret conversations with Harry). Remus has no idea that Sirius has a means of communication with Harry, so he can’t just vent about her actions towards his kid, instead he just listens to the reasons that Remus hates Umbridge (which are all extremely valid as she’s made it impossible for him to do anything ever since Snape outed him to the world).
Still, Sirius knows that it probably wouldn’t last and isn’t surprised when Remus knocks on his door after Sirius goes up the stairs to avoid the Order as soon as the meeting ends. The meeting had been useless as his attempt to get some sort of support for his kid with regards to Umbridge (when McGonagall let slip about her suspicions about Umbridge going after Harry) had completely failed, and he really just wanted to check on his kid.
“Can we talk about last week?” Remus asks.
“I’m not in the mood, Remus,” Sirius states.
Remus doesn’t seem to care because he says, “You were very intense during the meeting.”
“Because I’m the only one that actually gives a damn about my kid,” Sirius states.
“We all care about him.”
“No, you don’t – none of you do. You left him all alone for years, but specifically this last summer. You helped stalked him while keeping him in the dark, you don’t support him in any way, and you’re actively being as unhelpful as possible.”
Remus moves to come in, but Sirius says, “Don’t come in. This is still my room even if I don’t have any rights in my own house, and I didn’t say you could.”
“I’m sorry.” Remus leans against the doorway, and continues, “I realized that I screwed up, alright? And although I think Dumbledore may be right about certain things, he’s also wrong.”
Surprised, Sirius says, “Go on.”
“No one knows Harry better than you do. You’re the one he trusts, writes to, and ultimately, loves.”
“And?”
“And you’re right that he’s not going to focus on school when he’s the center of a war – not when he’s wondering about things and knows he’s being deliberately cut off from information that he has a right to. So, I want to help you tell him certain things – not everything, mind, but some things couldn’t hurt.”
“Then why didn’t you say that at the meeting?” Sirius asks, suspiciously.
“Because Dumbledore thinks he knows best – and maybe he does, maybe we’re wrong, but since you are his parent, you should have the most say. I just think Dumbledore won’t be willing to listen to me any more than you.”
Sirius nods. He doesn’t want to mention the mirror as the method to communicate with Harry (or that he’s already shared some information) so he asks, “And how do you plan to help me and Harry communicate?”
“Well, I was thinking that maybe I could tell him about making the patronus speak at the next Hogsmeade weekend and plan times to –” Remus stops, suddenly.
The reason became obvious as Sirius hears Harry on the mirror. “Pads! Pads!”
Recovering slightly, Remus asks, “What’s that?”
“Er, nothing,” Sirius states, subtly moving the mirror away from Remus, who immediately spies it and picks it up.
“Oh, hello, Harry,” Remus says, into it causing Sirius to groan.
“Er, Professor Lupin… I – er – I should go.”
“No, don’t,” Sirius states, stealing the mirror back from Remus. “Just give us a minute, okay?”
“Of course, Pads.”
Sirius smiles down at him and then looks at Remus. “I think you can guess why I haven’t mentioned the mirror to you. Even with your sudden change of heart, I wouldn’t have told you, but since you know now, you can’t say anything. This has been great for both of us, particularly Harry and the hell he’s been through with Umbridge.”
Remus frowns, “Detention isn’t that bad…”
“It’s not for me to tell you the details, but considering that he does nothing to deserve those detentions … it’s absolutely hell. Now, will you keep it a secret?”
Remus appears to hesitate before nodding. “Of course. I’ll leave you to it.”
After Remus disappears, Sirius looks down at Harry in the mirror. “Hey kid.”
“Hi Pads. Sorry for interrupting. I hope Lupin doesn’t… tell on us.”
“I don’t think he will,” Sirius assures him. “He was coming around when you called. So, what is going on?”
“Not much, I’m just worried about Umbridge.”
“Oh, what has she done now?”
“There was an incident with Malfoy – got me into detention again and of course, my hand is now officially scarred. She spent the whole detention hinting about the potential for the D.A.”
“She doesn’t have any idea, right?”
“Definitely not. We’ve been very careful, but after the meeting tonight, Cho stayed back – like usual…”
“For snogging purposes?”
Harry flushes. “Maybe. But that’s not what happened tonight…”
“Kid, as much as I tease you for snogging your girlfriend – a) I don’t want to know more than that but b) you’re way too young…” Sirius trails off, ignoring that he and James had begun having sex in the spring of their fifth year (albeit both of them were already sixteen).
“Ew, no. I’m not – no.”
“Good,” Sirius states. “But if you ever want to talk or have questions – you can ask, I just don’t want the particulars.”
Harry looks entirely uncomfortable. “Alright, I got it. Can we change the subject now?”
“Of course, so what happened?”
“Well, Cho mentioned that she’s worried about me – what with all of Umbridge’s new power. She said that she thinks that maybe the DA is not a good idea after all.”
Sirius nods. He’s aware that Harry’s been feeling uncertain about the changes in Hogwarts affecting the defense group he’s teaching, particularly given that Umbridge had expressly forbidden groups like Harry’s and is obviously targeting him. Despite the fact that it’s only been a couple of weeks, they had had many discussions on the riskiness of the endeavor. Cho seems to be on the protecting Harry train, which makes Sirius like her as Harry’s first girlfriend.
“That isn’t news, Harry,” Sirius comments. “She’s been saying it for weeks. Pretty much ever since the sign went up.”
“Yeah, well, this time Hermione and Ron overheard…”
“Bet that went over well.”
Harry gives him a disgruntled look. “Of course it didn’t. Hermione and Cho got into an argument about how I have some sort of duty to teach and help others and somehow it turned into Cho couldn’t possibly understand me that well if she thinks I would quit the DA and a muggleborn versus pureblood thing because Hermione thinks that Cho isn’t worried about Defense because her life isn’t in danger because of Voldemort’s return.”
Sirius frowns. “It wasn’t just muggleborns attacked during the war, and I’m fairly certain that Cho understands you just fine. She’s also just worried about you – as am I.”
“I know – I know. Hermione was definitely out of line.”
“And did you tell her that?” Sirius questions, sure that Harry did not tell her that. As far as Sirius is aware Harry hasn’t had any of the conversations that he’s been wanting to have with Ron and Hermione despite Sirius encouraging him to stand up for himself.
“Er – no.”
“Then what happened?”
“Er well, they both demanded that I choose a side and I – well, I hesitated. I didn’t – I don’t like confrontation unless I’m angry about things and can’t stop myself.”
“And?” Sirius prompts.
“When I wouldn’t choose, they both stormed out of the room quite angrily.” Harry pauses, “I then called you because I don’t know what to do.”
“And you think that I can tell you?”
“Well, I was hoping that you would so I wouldn’t make things worse.”
“Hmm-mm, I won’t tell you what to do, you know better than that, but I am here to talk you through how you feel about the situation.”
Harry nods. “I guess it was just too much to hope that you would just tell me what to do.”
“I don’t want to influence you too much, kid. You have to do what’s right for you.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“So, tell me how do you feel about what happened?”
“Well, I think Cho’s right, obviously. We know that the Ministry and Umbridge are determined to get rid of me. The fact that she made that rule after our meeting in the Hogs Head makes it clear that she wants to use this as a way to expel me. Plus, she’s clearly got eyes on me, somehow. Add to that, that Umbridge finds any possible excuse to get me in detention where she can punish me in a way that doesn’t appear to be legal, but I can’t do anything about it. If she can fake things that get me into detention imagine what she could do to me if she found out the rules that I’m actually breaking.”
“That’s all true, but yet, you didn’t side with Cho.”
“Well, it’s just – aside from the personal attack, Hermione’s got a point. I do have a duty to help where I can, and she definitely understands why I feel that way in a way that Cho wouldn’t understand.”
Sirius takes a deep breath. “Kid, I –”
“I know what you’re going to say,” Harry interrupts.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, you’re going to say that Hermione doesn’t get me at all and that my need to fulfill the duty of leader and helping people is not at all necessary and that if she really cared about me – she wouldn’t encourage me to play the hero.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Oh?”
“I was going to say that although you certainly do feel that it’s your duty to help people because you’re a wonderful person, that doesn’t mean that you should be obligated to help others. Hermione believes that the fact that you’re a good person means that you should risk things like being expelled or your life, and I disagree with that notion. There’s a line that you’ve crossed for others when you really shouldn’t have, and as your Pads, I don’t like it. I understand why you did it before, but now, you know that I want nothing more than for you to be happy and alive.”
“Yeah, but I’ve been the hero for a while, and – and everyone expects it really…”
“I don’t care about other people’s expectations, kid. I care about you.”
Harry smiles, slightly. “I know, Pads. It’s just – I can’t help that despite all that, I’ve constantly felt like I had to do whatever I could to be a hero … not helped at all by the way people treat me – and those feelings aren’t going to go away.”
“Fair.” Sirius takes a breath. Given everything he knows Harry’s been through (and he’s sure that he’s missing a lot), Sirius figures that it’d be impossible to get Harry to stop feeling responsible for the world (especially given that the world constantly reinforces that notion for him). “But whether or not you feel that way, doesn’t change the fact that Hermione shouldn’t be speaking for you regarding your feelings on the matter.”
Harry sighs, “Yeah, that’s why I didn’t side with her.”
“So, what do you think you should do?”
Harry shrugs. “I guess I agree with Cho more than Hermione and I should probably tell Hermione to back off. It’s my choice and her insistence that she knows me better – although could be true, I guess we don’t really know if she does or not – is insulting to my girlfriend, who’s just trying to protect me because she cares.”
Sirius smiles, “I think that as long as you do it calmly that would be alright because like you said, Cho just wants to protect you and if Hermione’s your friend (and I think she is), she’ll be understanding of the situation.”
Harry nods. “Yeah, I kind of figured that I should’ve sided with Cho. How do I make it up to her?”
“Well, I’d send her a note with Hedwig that tells her that you’re sorry that you didn’t side with her during the argument, and maybe give her a flower as well, and then, when you get the chance tell her what you told me about how it’s difficult for you to disagree with Hermione because of some of the way you’ve been treated while in the Wizarding World. Hermione has stood beside you and it makes it difficult to stand up for yourself because deep down you’re afraid that she’ll abandon you.” The look that appears on Harry’s face tells Sirius that he found the source of his problem at standing up against his best friends except when he can’t help it. “I’d also suggest confronting Hermione about her forcefulness in her ideas.”
“Do I have to? I can’t just ignore it?”
“Has ignoring it helped in the past?”
“No,” Harry says, bitterly. “I just give in to whatever she wants or says.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”
“Not well.” Harry frowns. “It doesn’t help that she tends to repeat arguments if it seems like I don’t agree with her or deliberately not listening.”
Sirius chuckles, “She’s very persistent.”
“She is. You should’ve seen her with spew.”
“Oh, I did. This summer. She wanted me to free Kreacher and I tried to explain why I couldn’t no matter how much I want to and then proceeded to explain that if a house-elf has a good owner that considers their feelings (like I attempt to by not ordering Kreacher to stop verbally attacking my guests or to stay in his ‘room’) rather than abuse them – it’s actually better to have a bond. It still sucks and it’s awful, your mum and I were actually working on finding a way around the need for a bond, but at the moment… we don’t have many options.”
“And she listened to you? Because she sort of made comments about the situation – and you – more than once.”
“Oh, no. I imagine it made her dislike me more, but I won’t change my mind just because someone talks at me.”
“Can you teach me that?”
“I can try.” Sirius smiles as Harry yawns.
“I should get going before Umbridge finds me outside the common room past curfew, but thanks. I’ll definitely talk to Hermione – no matter how unpleasant it is.”
“Good.”
“And I hope Lupin doesn’t get you into trouble for the mirrors.”
“Don’t worry about me, kid. I’ll handle it. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Pads.”
With that, Harry disappears, and suddenly, Remus appears in the doorway. “Were you spying on us?”
“Not exactly. I just figured you would’ve been done by now. I only heard that last bit – worrying about me.”
Sirius nods. “His worries should be unfounded, right?”
“Yes – I won’t say anything. Just like I promised before, I was just curious…”
Sirius sighs, figuring he’ll have to tell Remus enough to satisfy his curiosity. “I gave it to him the night before he went to Hogwarts, it was by chance, completely unplanned, but I’m glad that I did. My kid needs someone to talk to about everything.”
“Did you tell him about Order stuff?”
“I’ve only told him about Hagrid’s mission because he was worried about Hagrid after Malfoy said something about him ‘playing with things too big for him’,” Sirius states. “Everything else is still under wraps, although he’s aware that he’s still being stalked through portraits and order members when he goes to Hogsmeade. I felt like he deserved to know.”
Remus nods. “I suppose that makes sense – for him to know. The big thing is the prophecy.”
“Yeah, I didn’t tell him – not because he doesn’t deserve to know because you better believe that he does, but my kid’s got enough going on and he should be focused on school and his girlfriend, not some prophecy.”
“He’s got a girlfriend?”
“That’s all you heard?” Sirius questions, a small chuckle.
“No, of course not. It’s just interesting.”
“Hmm-mm,” Sirius hums.
“Does he know about you and James?”
“Er – no. I don’t know how I would explain and it’s another thing he doesn’t need to know right now. Maybe over the holidays or summer, I could break it to him, but right now, it’d only confuse him.”
Remus nods and it’s quiet for a minute.
“Is there something else I could help you with?”
“Just – why would he confide in you so much?”
“Why wouldn’t he?” Sirius scoffs. “I’m the only adult that was there for him – always. I helped him last year when no one else did – I love him as my kid, and he knows it. It really wouldn’t make any sense that he would confide in anyone else.”
“What about Molly or Arthur?” Remus asks. “They seem like they treat him as one of their kids? He spent some of his summers with them, hasn’t he?”
“Are you kidding? Yes, he’s spent some summer vacation with them, but they haven’t written to him. They haven’t offered him a home. They didn’t support him last year. Despite Molly’s statements, they haven’t exactly shown that they see him like a son. It’s just empty words.” Sirius doesn’t add that Molly isn’t the only one giving empty words to Harry, while Sirius is the only one following through, but he’s sure Remus picks up on what he’s not saying. “Look, Remus, I appreciate that people do care about him, but let’s face it. It’s really only been me that has proven it, and the mirror is a part of that.”
“I get that and I’m glad that you found a way, honestly.”
Given that Remus actually looks sincere, Sirius smiles, “Good.”
“And maybe sometimes – I could join? Give him some tips on DADA?” Remus offers. “He could use the help to get even more above his year?”
“I think he’d like that, but I’ll leave it up to him.”
“Sounds good – night.”
“Night.”