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“So, what are you doing down here?” Remus asks on Saturday after dinner. He’d been spending more time at Grimmauld Place since he’s feeling guilty about his lack of support for Harry or Sirius in the last few months and is trying to be better support. “Thought you’d be rushing upstairs for your daily talk with Harry.”
Sirius shrugs. Although he wishes that he could be talking to Harry, he figures his kid is too busy celebrating their obvious quidditch win. “I figure that he’s probably busy celebrating another quidditch win…”
Before Sirius could continue, he is surprised to be hearing Harry on the mirror a lot sooner than he expected today. He thought, given that it’s a quidditch game day, that Harry would be busy celebrating their win rather than calling him – figured they’d talk much later than usual or on Sunday.
“Pads!”
“Hey kid, did you win?” Sirius asks, assuming the positive answer before he gets a good look at Harry. Harry has angry tears rolling down his face and is clearly unhappy. “Oh no – what happened?”
“Yeah, we won – barely, Ron did poorly – Malfoy’s stupid song –, and it was my last minute save that let us win, but Malfoy was mad that they lost.”
“Naturally, he’d be angry, but that doesn’t explain the look on your face – why do you have angry tears?” Sirius asks, worried that Umbridge did something to his kid.
Harry sighs, “I took the calming drought – just the little one – just like we talked about so when he started to verbally attack me (being an orphan, not having anyone care about me, being unloved, being unwanted, etc.) – I let it go because I knew that Umbridge would find some way to punish me if I reacted, but then, he went after the Weasleys. Figured he would, since we won despite the song that Malfoy made up to bother Ron (and probably, the twins). The potion worked – I didn’t react to anything he said. And obviously since Ron he left the field after we won – Malfoy chose to run his mouth on the Weasleys – figured he could provoke the twins. Fred had to be held back, and George attacked them – he tried to get me, too and if it hadn’t been for that drought, I would’ve attacked him. Pummeled him the same way that George did. The things he was saying – the things he’s allowed to say is just sick. Umbridge and McGonagall broke it up.”
As furious as he is about the Malfoy spawn making it so difficult for Harry at school where he can do nothing about it, he knows that the right thing happened for Harry. Harry didn’t react and couldn’t get punished – he hopes. Harry still hasn’t fully explained.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, you deserve better. Just know that he’s absolutely wrong – I love you, you’re my kid, and he’s just jealous that he can’t win against you. Go on, what else happened?”
Harry looks somewhat pleased by Sirius’ statement.
“Well, she said – she said that she’s the authority on punishment and that – that she wanted to stop the Gryffindor team from forming that she’d been right to attempt that. That far more than some detentions had to happen – she kicked the twins off the team, gave them a life-long ban, stole their brooms – she wanted to do the same to me.”
“Wanted?” Sirius asks, upset at the idea that one of the few gifts that he’d given his kid could’ve been taken from him for something that would’ve been provoked. Besides the fact that she can’t just steal his possessions or ban him from ever flying again, she seems to be trying to kill him by taking away everything he holds dear with her obvious abusive power.
“Yeah – she said that I was in on it with them, that I was fighting, too, but witnesses on the field pointed out that I didn’t even react. That I just stood there and let him talk badly about me being an unwanted orphan.”
“Oh, kid…”
He coughs and continues as if Sirius hadn’t interrupted. “I guess after what happened on Halloween and being around others because of Cho, some students are …coming around – sort of. To be honest, I don’t want to be pitied, I just want to be left alone. Anyway, she was forced to not punish me – not take my broom away, no life-long ban, no getting kicked off the team, but I have a feeling she’s going to be looking for any chance she can to do it. And – and I got in a fight with the Weasleys when my – when the drought wore off…”
“Oh, Harry…”
Harry continues on ignoring the interruption. Clearly, he wants to just push through it to the end of the story. “They were mad that I didn’t react – that I didn’t defend their parents (because after Percy, they thought I owed it to them) – that I didn’t do anything to show my support because they’ve been supporting me, but I’m just so tired. I’m tired of fighting, tired of hearing all of the things in the halls, tired of having to put on a brave face with everyone except for you – I just, they didn’t defend my parents – my mother, they don’t defend me either, they don’t offer the kind of support you do – letting me just rant and rave to you and feel heard. It’s not until their family’s being attacked that they do something – I just – I’m just angry at them now, too.”
“I’m so sorry, kid,” Sirius states, he feels heartbroken for Harry because there’s nothing that he can do for him. “I wish I could be better support right now – come up there and give them a talking to. They should be more understanding of everything you’ve been going through, not just this year, but every year, and realize that it’s not worth it for you. Had you attacked Malfoy, she could probably use it to expel you somehow.”
He pauses, “We know that is her endgame, and I’m much happier that you didn’t do anything that could’ve ended up that way. You shouldn’t have to deal with any of this, kid, you deserve better. I’m sorry that you have to deal with Malfoy’s comments, but I want you to know that I’m proud of you for not doing anything, even if you needed some help in the form of the drought, and more than anything that his comments are not true. You were wanted by your parents; you are wanted by me. You are my kid – you’re not an orphan and you don’t deserve to have that thrown in your face. You mean the world to me; I love you and everything he said is all lies.”
“I love you, too.” Harry smiles, slightly. “And I know that you do – I – it’s hard to remember sometimes but talking to you nearly every day – hearing you tell me that – certainly makes me feel loved and wanted – at least by you and that’s good enough.”
“Good, I’m glad – I wish I could do something to get his arse in trouble, but I – I can’t right now.” Sometimes, he feels utterly useless, but at least he can talk Harry through feeling a bit better. He gives a slight smile, “But someday – I’ll see to him for you.”
Harry laughs. “You said that about Bones, too. Personally, I could think of worse people that could use you ‘seeing’ to them.” He raises his right hand so that Sirius could know exactly who he’s talking about. “You know that whole ‘curse’ thing – I’m kind of hoping it’s true just for her.”
Sirius tries to give him an admonishing look, but fails because he, too, wants the curse to get her back for the pain that she inflicts on his kid. “Her, too. Then again, there’s a list a mile long that I’d like to ‘see’ to,” Sirius offers. Far too many on that list are high up in the ministry, unfortunately, so he’d have to get creative if he ever does see to them.
“I know, but at least I can talk to you about them in the meantime – until you can,” Harry grins.
“That’s right,” Sirius smiles. “I’m always here to listen.”
“So am I although you might not want to talk to me,” Remus adds, causing Sirius to jump a little. He’d almost forgotten Remus’ presence. Too caught up in his conversation with his kid. Remus grins, sheepishly at him, shrugging slightly. Obviously, he hadn’t been sure that he should interrupt or leave the room and had remained quiet.
“Oh, Professor, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Harry flushes, embarrassed. He wipes at his face, trying to hide the fact that he’d been so angry, he cried.
“I’m not your professor anymore,” Remus responds, a slight smile. “You’re more than welcome to call me Remus.”
“Oh, er, I don’t know,” Harry responds looking uncertain.
Sensing that Harry feels uncomfortable addressing Remus as anything that familiar, Sirius says, “Why don’t you start with just dropping the ‘professor’ and call him Lupin?”
Harry nods, “Yeah. Okay. I guess I could do that.”
“So, anyway, do you want to talk about all that happened today? You know, more than just they suck?”
“Nah, I just want to ignore it. Don’t know what I’m going to do if Ron hears what happened from the twins rather than me – then again, he’s been a little weird with me ever since the start of the year. And I can see him taking the same issue as the twins. Like I should’ve fought, too. Kind of expected of me by now – defending everyone else, saving everyone else – but not doing anything for me – it only matters if it’s for someone else and not myself. Hero expectations. I bet Ron would feel the same way that I should’ve defended everyone else – defended the Weasleys – especially with Percy…”
“The Percy thing was not your fault,” Sirius states, intensely. He did not like the idea that anyone would blame Harry for Percy leaving. Just because Percy was an arse enough to send that letter to Ron doesn’t mean that any of the blame lays at Harry’s feet. He especially doesn’t like the notion that Harry or the Weasleys consider him at fault when he’s the kid that is suffering right now and Arthur’s the one that never tried to curb Percy’s issues with money and status. “And I hate the implication that they think it was. You didn’t do anything wrong and it’s more…”
“It’s more of a financial and personality issue,” Remus offers. “A lot of times when there’s not a lot of money, a kid can be resentful if the parent doesn’t try to move up and make more money to support the family. Arthur has had opportunities and hasn’t taken them because he prefers his office due to his interests.”
Sirius coughs, hoping to give Remus the hint that they shouldn’t get into the particulars. Harry didn’t need to know everything about the Weasleys’ issues. “There’s a lot of reasons for Percy’s issues that are not on you.”
“Yeah – I – I think I know that,” Harry admits. “It’s just after that letter and the twins… the twins might twist the story the way Ron did to them last year and – and what if he stops talking to me again? We haven’t spent that much time together given Cho, but I don’t think I can take everyone in my dorm being unsupportive again… it was bad enough last year, and Seamus is still being ridiculous – Dean and Neville are in the DA, but…”
“Hmm-mm, I understand your worries, but I think Dean and Neville won’t abandon you and I think Ron won’t either. Just talk to him, calmly. Explain what happened – you could even mention the use of the potion to keep you calm.”
“Yeah – yeah, he might listen. Besides, he didn’t seem to even consider Percy’s words in the letter and the twins make things up all the time,” Harry says, quietly as if convincing himself.
“Exactly.”
“But then again, we haven’t spent a lot of time together this year…so maybe he could use that as a reason…”
Harry’s clearly worried that Ron’s going to dump him, again, if given a reason. Poor kid. He deserves to be confident that his best mate wouldn’t drop him just because his kid gets a girlfriend.
“Kid, he’s not going to unfriend you again – he’s lucky you forgave him last time. But yes, you have spent most of your free time with Cho, which probably hasn’t helped the situation – I think maybe he’s a little jealous? It’s hard when your best mate gets involved with someone else, and I think he might be feeling a bit left behind since you got a girlfriend before he did.”
“Does that mean you were jealous of mum?” Harry teases. “Because you didn’t have a boyfriend when Dad started dating her?”
Sirius knows he’s joking, obviously, but Sirius was a little bit jealous of Lily. In fact, he spent a lot of time being jealous of Lily at first. Probably because he’d been with James, first, and convinced him to give Lily a shot for two weeks until Lily suggested sharing James because she knew that both he and James had been miserable without each other. He’d also had jealousy issues after they began sharing James but handled it much better.
Of course, he can’t explain that his jealousy wasn’t platonic to Harry, but he can say that he was jealous, “Yes. Of course I was. James was something to me that I could never have with anyone else. It felt weird for us to go from being together constantly – practically glued at the hip – to suddenly him wanting alone time with Lily. It was an adjustment, but he always made time for me – and it helped keep our friendship strong.”
He doesn’t need to look at Remus, who is giving him a look about his statement on the jealousy. Obviously since he knows that Sirius and James had more than a friendship, the jealousy issue doesn’t quite apply to Harry and Ron’s friendship. He shakes his head, slightly.
Harry grimaces. “Does that mean that I’m sort-of failing at being a good friend to Ron (and Hermione) by spending most of my time with Cho? I mean, aside from when she’s got quidditch or Prefect Rounds, I’m normally with her… even doing my homework…”
“Sort of, it’s not as bad as it sounds because you also have classes with him, and you are spending time with him given that she’s in a different house, so time in the common room is with him. However, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try a bit more with him.”
“Yeah, maybe. After what happened with Percy’s letter, I felt a little bit like maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t spend as much time with Ron… like maybe I am bad for him…”
“No, you’re not – and Percy is now on my list,” Sirius states. Of course, he’d been on the list since he heard the things Percy had said about his kid. Hate Dumbledore all he wants but hating on his kid was where Sirius drew the line.
Harry laughs. “You don’t think I get him into trouble?”
“No, of course not. Friends get each other into trouble – it happens. Especially as teen boys.” Sirius laughs, remembering all of the trouble he, James and Remus had gotten into when they were younger (even in his memories, he erases Peter as he doesn’t want to think about him).
“Yeah, you should hear the stories of the trouble we got into as teen boys,” Remus offers to more laughter.
Harry gives him a quizzical look.
“I’ll tell you later.”
“So, you don’t think I need to … spend less time with Ron to protect him and at least also avoid Hermione as then I wouldn’t have Hermione harping about certain things as she’s rarely not around us?” Harry offers.
Evidently, his girlfriend’s opinions on Hermione are making Harry uncertain about her. Although she’s broadening his horizons, Sirius is a bit worried about that since Hermione has been a good friend to him.
“Absolutely not. It’s okay to spend time with other people if that’s what you want, but you don’t need to avoid either of them to protect them. And if you want to keep them as friends, which I think you should, but still spend time with others, jealousy is a possibility. I don’t even know if that’s how he’s feeling or not. He could actually take issue with you avoiding him – he’s been your friend since the train ride, if he was at all worried about you getting him into trouble or that you weren’t worth it, he would’ve been the one to pull away. As it is, Percy’s letter would’ve given the perfect opportunity, but he didn’t take it. So, maybe, he’s having issues because you’re choosing someone else over him and he’s missing his friend or maybe he’s jealous because you have a girlfriend, and he doesn’t. But then again, maybe it’s not jealousy, maybe he’s just missing you and feels like you pulled away and he’s just falling along with what you want, but either is possible. I could definitely see the jealousy given what happened last year – he probably would rather you spent all your time with him, hence being weird this year.”
Harry frowns, uncertainly. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I should make more time for him – especially given the disaster of his performance during the game. Not that I blame him, between the twins’ comments and Malfoy’s song, it’s no wonder that his shaky confidence was ruined so quickly.”
Sirius nods, “I think maybe some flying time wouldn’t hurt?”
Harry nods. “Yeah, even though I’ve been flying with Cho, it would probably make him happy if I help him practice, too. He did mention before tryouts wanting me to practice with him and was disappointed when Cho came, too. Maybe I should tell her that I want to fly with Ron tomorrow instead of her?”
“Exactly,” Sirius smiles. “Although, I wouldn’t tell her that you want him instead of her, just that after what happened, it would be good to help him practice, and he might be embarrassed to practice in front of her.”
Remus gives him a look. “So, you want him to lie?”
“Of course not, but she’ll be upset if he says he wants to be with Ron over her, so this is a possible truthful way to make it seem like Harry’s isn’t tired of her or something,” Sirius replies. “We wouldn’t want her to think that when it’s not true.”
“Of course I’m not tired of her,” Harry interjects. “We have a lot of fun… studying together.”
The flush on his face causes both Sirius and Remus to laugh at his obvious lie. It’s not the studying that makes Harry interested in spending time with Cho.
It’s quiet for a minute, while Harry’s lost in thought and trying to ignore them laughing at him. He’s likely thinking about his friendship with Ron and how things are different this year.
“Speaking of doing things for my friends… making sure they don’t feel neglected…It’s kind of like Hagrid… he feels neglected if we don’t visit often… Ron and I used to visit him as something just the two of us … although… Hermione joins us, too … and we can’t exactly visit him when he’s not here.”
“We haven’t heard any word, yet,” Sirius answers, knowing that his kid is fishing for information. He can’t help grinning at Harry’s obvious attempts sometimes.
It’s obvious that Harry’s gotten up to potentially look out the window. “Hey – there’s a light on in his hut. I thought you said that you hadn’t heard any word?”
“We haven’t,” Sirius asks, looking at Remus. “Unless I missed it at the meeting? We both know that unless it’s about my kid – I stop listening.”
Remus laughs. “You didn’t – we haven’t heard anything. Then again, he could’ve just gotten back and reported straight to Dumbledore.”
“Yeah, that’s possible.”
“I should go see him –”
“Kid, if you’re caught out after curfew by Umbridge…” Sirius starts. Given what happened that morning, Umbridge would use anything Harry does wrong to punish him. Visiting Hagrid wasn’t worth it.
“I’ll be fine. I’ve got the cloak.”
“Yeah, but –”
“It’ll be fine,” Harry insists. “Talk to you later – love you.”
Harry disappears before Sirius could utter a reply “love you, too”, leaving him to groan.
“This kid, sometimes. He doesn’t listen,” Sirius complains, despite knowing that Harry listens when he wants to.
“He does – just not when he has something he really wants to do,” Remus counters. “Kind of like James.”
“More like Lily. She was always the type to listen when it suited her.” He always admired that about her, but it’s annoying coming from his kid that he’s just trying to take care of and protect.
Remus laughs, “Hmm-mm, certainly fits Harry, but he does listen when it counts – especially when it comes from you.”
Sirius smiles, the reminder of what he means to his kid for him to listen to him. He thinks about all of the rules imposed on Harry by Sirius last year or even this summer. Clearly, Harry does listen to him occasionally. “Yeah, you’re right. The kid does well to listen when I give him good reasons for my rules. When I don’t, on the other hand, then he gets all ‘no need to listen’.”
“Sounds familiar.”
“Certainly does.”
“You didn’t mention that you were jealous of Lily because of feelings though,” Remus probes. “Not just friends feelings.”
Sirius shrugs, he supposes that he should’ve expected that he’d have to explain why he hasn’t told Harry about his situation with James and Lily. “It’s complicated. I don’t want him to think differently of me or James or even Lily because of the situation. Many people would never understand the situation. And I have a feeling that he would be one of those people based on Molly’s comments. He could assume that I might see him as James or have a twisted situation going on. Besides, it’s not a common type of situation. What if he’s not comfortable with the idea? It could ruin everything.”
Remus coughs. “I – er – I could help you with her.”
“Oh, and how would you do that?” Sirius asks.
“Well, I could – tell her about you and James.”
“No, absolutely not. Can you imagine her reaction? Nope. Besides, I would only tell anyone else if I told Harry – and I just explained why I shouldn’t.”
“Okay – how about reminding her what you did last year?”
Sirius ponders this. “Let me think about it.”
***
It was nearing two in the morning when Sirius hears, “Pads!” jarring him from his sleep.
“What’s going on?” Sirius asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes to see a worried Harry.
“We went to see Hagrid, like I mentioned, and he’s all beat up!”
“What?” Sirius groans. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yeah, he said it’s nothing, but he told us the story of the mission…”
“You mean the story that he wasn’t meant to tell you?” Sirius questions, laughing a bit. Of course, Hagrid would tell the trio about his mission. He can’t keep anything a secret.
“Yeah, that. He’s never been good at secrets, but it wasn’t like it wasn’t obvious, even if you hadn’t told me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, but I’m just worried. It sounded awful.”
Sirius nods, “It’s alright. It was pretty pointless according to Maxime. Much like Remus’ missions with the werewolves that have left society because society sucks. Still, I understand your worries, but Hagrid’s a tough man, if he made it back – then, he’s going to be just fine.”
“What about Umbridge?”
“What about her? She didn’t catch you, did she?” he asks, suddenly worried that Umbridge found another reason to hurt his kid.
“No, although she probably had suspicions (she saw our footprints in the snow). It’s just that she kind of indicated that she’s going to show up at his next lesson and evaluate him – and the way she was talking to him, it was like she thought he was incapable of understanding her. He’s going to tank it – and Hermione thinks we have to make sure that he shows appropriate creatures and I’m worried that she thinks we should argue with him to make his lesson plans ministry appropriate.”
“Hmm-mm,” Sirius hums. It’s delicate to talk to Harry about his issue as Sirius knows that Harry will defend Hagrid to the ends of the Earth (even though his lessons are rather lacking – based on Sirius having to fill in Harry’s gaps in knowledge about the course). Still, he has to be clear with Harry that he shouldn’t get involved in Hagrid’s soon to be issues with Umbridge – not when it would bring her attention to him. “Okay, kid, while I understand your worries, you have enough to deal with without adding Hagrid’s potential issues to the mix.”
Harry bites his bottom lip, uncertainly. “So, I shouldn’t give up my plans to study and fly with Cho or Ron tomorrow just to help Hermione convince Hagrid to be a better professor?”
“Certainly not. After the fight recently, I think Cho would be very put out to be blown off for Hermione and Hagrid, who you know she doesn’t like.”
They’d spent many nights talking about Cho’s dislike of both Hermione (due to their disagreements over Harry and the DA) and Hagrid (due to his teaching). Cho had liked Care of Magical Creatures until Hagrid became the professor and had been disappointed that she had to self-study for the class to take her O.W.L. last year and her N.E.W.T. in the next year. Evidently, this caused Harry to be conflicted which he talked through with Sirius. Ultimately, discovering that there are some things that aren’t defendable – Hagrid’s poor teaching is one of those things.
“Yeah, you’re right. Plus, I do have homework and stuff. I wouldn’t want my marks to fall now that I have you to impress.”
Sirius smiles. “You’re very impressive, kid. Straight O’s or not. Besides, we both know some of your courses – you’re at a disadvantage and I’m more concerned with Umbridge using your marks to get you kicked off the team.”
“Is that possible?”
“Technically, yes. Your marks should be highest priority, and if your marks are too low then extracurriculars typically get taken away.”
Harry frowns. “The twins barely passed their O.W.L.s. Oliver had us in practice for hours, daily, in third year. There’s no way his marks were good enough given the workload.”
Sirius frowns. “I’m guessing McGonagall allowed it because she cared more about the cup. Hence, cheating to get you on the team first year and being less than useful when you were bullied this year and last year. Not to mention – you said it was similar in other years.”
“Hmm-mm, yeah, the cup means a lot to her.”
The cup means more than Harry to McGonagall, which thoroughly angers Sirius, but that’s not on Harry.
“Anyway, with everything else going on, I think it’s best you focus on quidditch and your marks. I’d tell you to even forego the girlfriend if it wasn’t for your marks soaring thanks to all those study dates.” Sirius gives him a wink. “And wanting you to enjoy something this year.”
Harry blushes. “We do study a lot. It’s just – so much easier to learn from her and with her than Hermione. Hermione’s not good at explaining why I’m wrong – just that Ron or I are wrong. She’d correct us and tell us the answer, but I never really learned why I was wrong in the first place. She used to check my homework sometimes and correct it but is now refusing to, which fair. Something about how I should rely on Cho if I’m going to study with her. I haven’t told her that it’s not always or even really, Cho most of the time. Cho helps, but you’ve done more for me because I actually want to perform better so that you could be proud of me and because if Cho can’t help me understand, at least you can.”
“Hmm-mm, something tells me that you weren’t really trying your best before, either, but no matter what – I am proud of you,” Sirius smiles. “You’re my kid, I’m going to be proud no matter what.”
Harry shrugs with a slight smile, “I didn’t have anyone who cared before, but now, I do. That and a girlfriend that expects a certain level of intelligence…and well… it’s certainly helping.”
“Happy to hear it, kiddo.”
Harry yawns. “I should get some sleep, but we’ll talk soon?”
“Always. Love you, kid.”
“Love you, too, Pads.”