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As December wanes on and Christmas approaches, Sirius had begun his plan for the ultimate presents for his kid. He wanted to give Harry the best present ever to make up for the relatively difficult year that he had been having.
Although he had many plans for presents, his biggest present is Harry’s own room. First, he had to take down all of the old things in the spare room (the room is the third on floor with Sirius and his brother’s room). It’d been used mainly for storage of the things neither of them cared for anymore.
Then, he had to repaint it in a nice neutral color that would be calming for Harry. Harry had confessed that his favorite color was gold because he loves the golden snitch, so gold was chosen. He also painted a mural of Prongs, Padfoot, and a Doe on the wall opposite of the bed. The last thing he did to finish the walls was to paint his name above the mural Harry James Potter. Then came the furniture. He and Remus had gone through dozens of catalogs finding the best things for his kid from his bed to the little couches in the room. Finally, he finished the decorations a whole week before Harry should arrive. He couldn’t wait to see his reaction.
He's so excited not even the thought of an unpleasant Order meeting could ruin this for him.
Or so he thought.
His excitement came crashing down with a simple exchange at that meeting.
“What are the kids doing for the holidays?” Molly asks, when Dumbledore asks if there’s any last minute discussions. “I told Ron to invite him to the Burrow, but I wanted to be sure.”
“I think it would be best for Harry to get reprieve from Hogwarts this year for the holidays,” Dumbledore announces. “The Burrow is excellent.”
“Of course it is, much happier for him, and he’ll be with family,” Molly answers, smiling.
It was like he was doused with ice water. He’s so stunned that he can’t even voice his dissent as everyone leaves not even looking him.
All of that work for his kid to have the best holiday all for nothing. Just another celebration taken away from them.
He's heartbroken, how’s he going to break this to Harry?
***
Sirius has been miserable all week. He’d been expecting that Harry would (and should) stay with him for Christmas, but at the latest Order meeting, Molly had unilaterally (with Dumbledore’s support) decided that Harry was invited to the Burrow to spend the holiday there. Since Sirius had orders to ‘stay inside the house’, naturally he wasn’t invited.
He hadn’t told Harry this, as he figures that Harry would be upset as well. Of course, Harry might prefer somewhere a bit cheerier than Grimmauld Place. The truth had just dashed all of his plans to give Harry a room to call his own – Sirius had been working on turning the spare room next to his into a bedroom for Harry for months now, using Harry’s friend Dobby to get the things that he wanted from the store. House-elves were amazing when they wanted to be, and Dobby had jumped at the chance to help Sirius because it helped ‘the great Harry Potter too’.
Now, it would be for naught. This room was ready for Christmas and his kid wouldn’t even get to see it, let alone live in it.
“Pads.”
Plastering a smile on his face so that Harry wouldn’t know anything is wrong, Sirius answers the mirror, “Hey kid.”
“Hey – er – I know it’s a little bit earlier than usual, but I was hoping that you could answer something for me?”
“Of course, what do you need?”
“Oh, well, the list to stay over the holidays came around and I didn’t know if I should sign it?” Harry looks extremely hopeful and yet, nervous. “It’s just with you being my Pads and all, I figured you’d have said something about spending the holidays together, but you haven’t and I – you know – you want to see me, don’t you?”
“Oh, kid,” Sirius says, his heart breaking. “Of course I do…”
“But you haven’t invited me over – just like over the summer…” Harry trails off, evidently hurt that everyone else had been at Sirius’ house over the summer when he hadn’t been.
Sirius clears his throat feeling guilty that he hadn’t insisted on Harry’s presence before anyone else had come during the past summer. “I want you here, but – er – Molly and Dumbledore decided you would stay at the Burrow. Ron was meant to tell you, and I didn’t know how to break it to you.”
“But – but you’re my Pads. You – you have a house and – and you can’t spend the holidays alone. I should be with you.”
“I want you to be, but – but I don’t really have a say,” Sirius explains. He knows that it’s going to hurt Harry’s feelings, but he really doesn’t have a say when it comes to Harry as evidence by the fact that he couldn’t just invite Harry to the house over the summer, assure him that he could live with him if something happened at the trial, and bring him home for the holidays.
“Wouldn’t it be safer to stay with you?” Harry tries.
“Of course, but it’s – already been decided,” Sirius answers, defeated. It hurts that Harry’s trying to find all of these reasons that he should be with Sirius because none of them matter. It’s not like there was even a discussion into the possibility of Harry and Sirius spending the holidays together.
“Did you – did you fight for me? Like you promised you would?” Harry questions, looking doubtful, but hopeful at the same time.
Sirius hesitates because he doesn’t want to disappoint Harry. He hadn’t fought for Harry because he knew that it would be an utter waste. There hadn’t been a discussion. Molly made a decision, Dumbledore approved and that was it. Molly wouldn’t be willing to stay at Grimmauld Place and there’s no way the order would be willing to let Harry come and stay here on his own.
“You didn’t – did you?” Harry asks, completely upset. “I thought you wanted me –”
“I do, kid!” Sirius insists, looking around at the room that he created for the sole purpose of giving Harry his own room for Christmas. “I want you here more than anything.”
“Then why didn’t you fight for me to be with you?”
“I – I just I – I couldn’t. They didn’t even give me a chance to counter –”
“You could’ve said something – anything afterward. Instead, you just gave up.” Harry’s looking very upset. “Because you obviously don’t really want me.”
Before Sirius could even speak, Harry’s gone and yelling his name hasn’t brought him back.
“Everything alright?” Remus asks.
“No, of course not,” Sirius retorts, angrily, although it’s not Remus’ fault. “My kid thinks I don’t want him here for Christmas and I can’t even make it right by saying that he would absolutely be allowed to come here, and I can give him this room and – and …”
Remus frowns, evidently feeling sorry for him and Harry. “We can talk to Molly. It’s not her decision. If Harry wants to be here with you as his Pads, then he should be.”
“She’s never going to listen to me,” Sirius groans. “She hates me and thinks I’m a bad influence.”
“But she might listen to me,” Remus offers. “Don’t give up. I’ll try and talk to her. I’ll call her for tea.”
“Really, Remus – I don’t…”
Remus glances around the room, and smiles, “I’m sure that we could find a way. Maybe even show her this room – it could help her realize how much you mean to each other. Just let me handle it.”
“Alright. Thanks.”
***
Despite not having an answer and Harry’s obvious anger with him, he still calls the next night. After the initial hellos, Harry says, “I’m sorry for hanging up on you yesterday.”
“It’s okay, I understand that you were upset. I’m upset, too. I just – I am going to talk to Molly, she’s supposed to come for tea tomorrow, but I – I don’t want you to get your hopes up, okay?”
Sirius wouldn’t have even mentioned it to him since he’s sure that it’s a slim chance that Molly will cave and let Harry come to Grimmauld Place for the holidays, but he wants Harry to know how much he’s wanted especially by Sirius.
Harry looks very uncertain, but somewhat excited and happy by the evidence that Sirius wants him. “Even if she says no, can I – maybe sneak over to your house? I mean – I could fake ill or something?”
“Let’s not make any hasty and obvious plans,” Sirius says, trying not to laugh at his eagerness even though it makes him feel good to know that Harry does want to be with him so much that he’d fake ill. “We’ll figure something out, but right now, I don’t want you to worry about anything, okay? Just know that I do, in fact, want you here and that I’ll do my very best to get you here to spend the holidays with me.”
Harry nods, smiling. Clearly, he wants to be with Sirius as much as Sirius wants him to be with him. “It’s just – I should be able to spend my holiday with my family and that’s you.”
“I agree.”
“And you shouldn’t be alone either – it’s not fair.”
“I completely agree. And I love that you do want to be here – even if it sucks. This place is not the best for a cheery holiday,” Sirius jokes. “But you wanting to be here just because you want to be with me, too, is a great feeling.”
“Yeah, I do, and I want to be with you – I’d hang out in Azkaban if it means being with you for the holidays.”
Sirius laughs, “Well, that’s an endorsement of my company. Still, we’ll just calm down a bit and we’ll talk about it once I’ve sorted it out. Hopefully, I could be charming enough to get what I want.”
Harry grins. “Charming – yeah, maybe.”
“Well, I’ll have Remus there to help.”
“I’m glad he’s willing to help.”
“Me too – it means a lot.” Remus had come a long way in a short space of time and Sirius had come to appreciate is support.
“Anyway, we’ve got the DA tonight and I’m hoping to spend a bit of time with Cho, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”
“Sounds good, kid.”
***
Fortunately, or unfortunately, the next time Sirius sees Harry is in person. Apparently, he’d had a very real vision of Arthur getting attacked while on guard duty, and this situation had prompted Harry and the Weasleys to come to him in the middle of the night.
Sirius hadn’t been dumb enough to suggest bed, so he’d gotten them all butterbeers, ordered Kreacher to get out (when he was muttering about Arthur being dead), and they all sat in silence until Fred breaks it with wondering about what happened.
Harry had clearly been uncomfortable discussing his dream with the Weasley children who were looking at him with little disguised suspicion and when Sirius had tried to get them to ease up on Harry, Fred had attacked him, saying that ‘it was easy for Sirius to say that there are things worth dying for when he is inside hiding’. Sirius nearly broke his glass bottle of butterbeer trying to keep calm, when Harry shouts, “Don’t you talk to him like that!”
“Well, he’s not! He’s just sitting around here doing absolutely nothing – certainly not risking his life –”
“Shut up! Shut up right now – you don’t get to talk to about him like that – as if he doesn’t want to be out there fighting!”
“Oh sure – defend him – but you wouldn’t defend mum and dad when they actually have taken care of you!”
“Are you kidding me? Your parents haven’t done anything for me compared to Pads. He’s been the one that wrote to me all last year, he was the one that lived in cave just to support me last year, and he’s the only one that bothers to care about my feelings and support me at all –”
Fred starts yelling about Harry staying with them before second year for a month and jumpers and pies with George yelling, too. Harry continues his own yelling and it’s a full-on screaming match before Sirius throws up a flare.
“Stop it, all of you! I understand that you’re under enormous stress right now – so I won’t yell at you, but this stops now. I’m going to put on some music, we can either play some Snap or sit and listen to the music – I don’t care but we are not going to continue fighting. Do you understand me?”
The twins both nod reluctantly while Harry storms off into the kitchen. Sirius puts the card deck on the table, turns on the music and says, “I’m going into the kitchen to talk to Harry.”
He gets angry grunts in replies but ignores them. He follows Harry into the kitchen and finds him angrily throwing dishes at the far wall. For a moment, Sirius watches him as he puts a charm on the door so no one will be able to overhear them.
“Throwing things isn’t usually a recommendation for dealing with anger, but I suppose it’s better than punching them.”
Harry turns and spotting Sirius immediately moves into his arms to hug him. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.
“Why are you sorry?” Sirius questions. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s normal for you to react angrily when someone’s attacking someone you love – especially given the situation for us.”
Harry shakes his head. “No, not that. For getting so angry that I broke all of your plates.”
Sirius chuckles, as he waves his wand to repair them. “I can easily repair them and… I understand why you’re angry. No one knows our situation, but still, they do know enough that isn’t fair for them to attack us or me.”
“It’s not fair at all – how do you come into someone else’s house and do that?”
“They are under a lot of pressure right now – they’re worried about their dad and lashing out – I’m sure once Arthur pulls through, they’ll apologize, and it’ll be fine.”
“But it’s not fine. It’s not okay for them to throw that in your face when you’ve been the only one there for me for ages – ever, really. Jumpers and food are not the same thing as what you’ve done for me all this time.”
“I know, but I don’t care what other people think – I only care about you. You’re my kid, you know I’ve done everything in my power to support you and that’s enough for me.”
Harry smiles, leaning back and brushing the tears away. “When I woke up – all I wanted was you. I was terrified and you are what I wanted because you’re my Pads.”
Sirius smiles, “I’m happy to be here – do you want to talk about it?”
Harry shakes his head. “I thought I was the Snake – it feels like I hurt him.”
“Oh, kid, no, you didn’t. You couldn’t have – I promise.”
Before anymore could be said, there’s yelling from the sitting room. Sirius looks at Harry and they immediately move to find out what’s going on.
“Oh, Sirius! There you are – and Harry, oh, thank you so much!” Molly says, immediately moving to hug Harry tightly, causing him to shuffle uncomfortably. “Because of you – Arthur’s going to be alright. They were able to stop the bleeding and there’s venom and he’ll be in the hospital for a few weeks – Dumbledore’s found an excuse for his being there and – and it’s going to be alright. If he’d been found ten minutes later, he wouldn’t be – so thank you!”
Her speech leads to the rest of the Weasleys to thank Harry as well (even if the twins did it a bit stiffly). Harry looks uncomfortable as well. Sirius is just glad that Arthur’s going to be alright, if only so that Harry wouldn’t feel guilty for something he didn’t do.
“And Sirius, I know that we had a bit of a tea planned later to discuss things,” Molly starts, eyeing Harry and her kids. “But I was hoping that we could cancel that tea and just stay here?”
“Of course you can. The More the Merrier!” Sirius grins, it’d be worth putting up with the Weasleys to have Harry here. “It would be much easier given that we’d be closer to the hospital, and it was what I was hoping to suggest at tea, anyway.”
Of course, he leaves out the part where he intended to just have Harry stay, but that’s okay. As long as Harry is one of his guests, that is all he wanted. He’s going to be able to give Harry his bedroom after all.
“Brilliant! Thank you so much.” Molly hugs him, too. Although it doesn’t last nearly as long as the one with Harry, which he’s actually grateful for – Sirius isn’t that big on hugs anymore except with his kid. “Why don’t we have some breakfast and then, all of us nap and visit Arthur around lunch time?”
There’s murmuring around the crowd of teenagers that sounds like agreement, so they make their way to the kitchen, Sirius and Harry last. Harry hugs him quickly, saying, “Guess it worked out after all.”
Sirius smiles, “As long as he’s okay and I get to have you here, I’m all good.”
“Good.”
With that, they go into the kitchen to enjoy some breakfast.