Chapter Text
Chrissy was no stranger to feeling crazy. She felt crazy all the time. So she knew this wasn’t crazy. This was insanity. She had completely and utterly lost her mind.
The worst part was that buried deep beneath her suffocating fear was the tiniest sliver of relief. Losing her mind and letting go sounded infinitely better than the perfect Christian, perfect girlfriend, perfect daughter, and perfect queen of the Hawkins youth population facade that made her life hell on a daily basis. Maybe she should be worried about that relief. There were a lot of things that she should maybe be worried about actually.
But Chrissy was losing her mind. So oh well.
She abruptly started to register Jason’s voice saying her name next to her in the quiet of the library. He was hard to hear over the clock chimes bouncing around her head, which had been pounding with a headache just fine on its own without the chilling chiming intrusion. There had been a lot of these headaches in the past few days. Probably something to be worried about. Too bad she was losing her mind.
“Chrissy!”
She jumped at his tone. Oh. Right. He had been calling her name. He sounded well and truly ticked off now. She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and groan like a ten-year-old. Perfect girls don’t do that. Perfect girls apologize for not paying attention. So that’s what she does.
“I’m sorry,” she says quickly. Her voice comes out meek and apologetic and she casts her eyes to her lap where her hands are twisting together. Perfect. “I wasn’t— I— I just got a little lost in thought.”
“Yeah I noticed.” He’s probably not trying to be mean about it, but Chrissy winces at the harshness of the words. His tone softens though for the next words. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. You okay?”
No. Of course not. I think acting is my true calling if you really love me and you haven’t seen through me yet.
She doesn’t say that. Jason is sweet. He really is. He’s oblivious and he doesn’t pay attention and he’s tragically narrow-minded. None of it is exactly his fault, but that doesn’t mean Chrissy is going to be honest with him. Ever.
She puts on a smile, the one she knows oozes sweetness and nods. She can’t hold the smile though. Her headache suddenly cranks up and the pain spikes atrociously. She squeezes her eyes shut and can’t contain the small gasp of pain.
“Chrissy, babe, what’s wrong?” Oh great. Now he’s alarmed. He tends to smother her when he’s worried.
“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong. It’s just a headache.” She pries her eyelids open and immediately wants to glue them shut again and never look at the light again. But dammit, she’s the golden girl. And she really doesn’t want Jason in a tizzy. He’s obnoxious sometimes.
It might be too late to keep him from worrying though. The concern is written all over his face.
“You don’t look so good. Are you gonna be up for the rally tomorrow? I have some Tylenol in my locker. Do you want me to take you home early?”
She almost shook her head before realizing what a stupendously bad idea that was with her head in its current condition. If she wanted to make it through the day without helicopter-boyfriend glued to her side she had to suck it up.
“No, no. I’m fine. I’m sure it’ll go away soon.” For a minute he just looked at her and she was worried he might insist on playing the doting nurse, but then he seemed to accept her words and he nodded, smiling again like everything really was fine.
They went back to the textbooks in front of them, but Chrissy was hardly in the mood to care about the Magna Carta and its influence on modern American government. She stared blankly at the page in front of her until something scarlet entered her field of vision. She blinked. Oh. Her nose was bleeding. It dripped onto her book. How strange. Probably worrisome too.
Her hand drifted to her face and she started to wipe at the blood. She wasn’t fast enough.
“Chris! You’re bleeding!” A tissue was suddenly blocking her airways and she coughed a little in surprise. Jason gripped her chin and turned her face toward his. She squirmed in his grip while he dabbed at her face.
“Jason I’m fine it’s just a bloody nose! Will you let me go, please?” He just grumbled something about taking care of her and, well, can you blame her?
Her head was pounding like it never had before and she was scared and tired and was not in the mood to be “taken care of” by Jason fucking Carver right now. So she wrenched her face away, reached blindly for her bag at her feet, and left. Or more accurately she booked it to the girls’ bathroom. At least he couldn’t follow her in here.
Well. Actually. Scratch that. He’d followed her in the bathroom before. She just really hoped her breaking character and leaving abruptly would shock him enough for her present location to go unnoticed. Seriously. She needed a fucking minute.
The bathroom was blessedly empty so she gripped the edges of a sink and let her head sink on her shoulders. She focused on keeping her breathing steady so she wouldn’t scream. The pain in her head became stabbing and blood started to drip from her nose again. She absentmindedly watched the dark red run slowly down the sides of the smooth, white porcelain sink.
She let out a huff of frustration when there were all of six separate drops of blood on the sink and grabbed a handful of paper towels.
***
“Where were you yesterday? I waited for half an hour after practice. Chris, I was worried about you!”
She rolls her eyes a little, managing to hide it while she gets in his car for school.
Drama queen.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I got a ride home with Jenny yesterday. I just felt so awful for running away from you in the library and—
“Chrissy I was late to math because I was looking for you!”
Shit. He was starting to get mad. Which was maybe fair of him. She did ditch him twice with no explanation and it’s not like he has any inkling of what’s going on with her. She really did feel bad about it. And he hadn’t started driving yet. The radio wasn’t even on. Not a good sign.
She folded in on herself a little bit and started to apologize again but he wasn’t done.
“And then when I called your house your mom said you were already asleep. At five o’clock! What the hell, Chris? I thought you said you were okay! You’re so clearly not fine. What is wrong with you lately?”
Chrissy fiddled with the edge of her cheer skirt. She hadn’t actually been sleeping at five o’clock. She told her mother that she was and then pretended to go to bed in spite of the nasty words the woman hurled at her from the bottom of the stairs. She then proceeded to lie on her bed in the dark and try desperately to escape the pain in her head and the emptiness that was her life.
It didn’t work. It never works. She hasn’t slept well in weeks.
Jason was looking at her. Oh. She was supposed to answer him this time.
“I’m sorry about yesterday. I really am. I was— I’m just nervous about the rally today.” Nice one, Chris. “I know how important this game is for you and I really don’t want to mess anything up today.” Perfect.
She risked a glance and saw that his face had softened and he was looking at her with fondness now, all trances of anger gone. He reached out and grabbed her hand, shoving his fingers through hers and squeezing in what he probably thought was a comforting gesture. It was currently making Chrissy want to bash her head in against the dashboard.
“Oh, Chris. You could never mess this up. You’re the best girl on the team and I know you’re gonna be amazing. I can’t wait to have you cheering me on tonight.” His other hand reached up to hold her face. The dashboard idea was growing more and more appealing. “How did I get so lucky?”
That’s easy. You didn’t. I just happened to get unlucky.
Huh. That was a new thought. The vehemence of it startled her a little bit. Unlucky? What was wrong with her? She had Hawkins’ most perfect boyfriend. He cared about her. She cared about him. She could have an easy, comfortable life with him. She was happy with him. Right?
She snapped back to the expectant face of the boy in front of her. Right. She smiled her sweet smile at him and leaned over, letting him kiss her before he turned on the radio and pulled onto the road.
Well. What a pleasant start to her day.
***
She blamed Jason. It was childish of her. She knew that. She just didn’t care. Her day had somehow managed to grow exponentially worse and she had petulantly decided to blame it all on him.
Her head was pounding somehow worse than yesterday and that damned clock was chiming in her head again. It had started featuring in her nightmares too. She had no idea where it was coming from but she supposed that it didn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of losing her mind anyway. So, as with most things, she didn’t worry about it.
She found a scrap of comfort in adding to the doodles in her history notebook. She was just starting to get blissfully lost inside her head when the bang of the classroom door opening caused a particularly painful pounding behind her eyes to strengthen momentarily. She shut her eyes and took some deep breaths while tuning back into the class.
“Mr. Munson. How kind of you to join us.” Chrissy had always hated Mrs. Johnson’s voice, it was honestly just such an unpleasant sound, but something about right now made it particularly unbearable to listen to. So she went back to tuning it out. Back to losing herself to the doodles again.
Until the door-slammer himself, Eddie Munson in all his provocative rebel metalhead glory, dropped loudly into the seat next to her, long hair bouncing on his shoulders. Honestly how does he put up with all the noise he makes? Creaking leather, stomping shoes, rattling chains. Those damned rings clattering on the desktop as he drums his fingers. She clenches her teeth and gently massages her temples. At least he blocked some of the light from the window now.
They both sat in the very back row, Eddie in the corner next to the window and Chrissy one seat over. He was slumped in the chair and his head was angled just the right way to block that particularly annoying beam of sunlight. Maybe she could forgive him for his loud entrance. He was probably trying to fall asleep so he wouldn’t have to pay attention. He didn’t have a book with him, just that black lunchbox he always had.
The clock chimed in her head again, louder than before. She gritted her teeth and started drawing triangles. Triangles were her signature doodle. Mindless. And when a page was covered in triangles it almost looked like art. Chrissy liked the idea of being an artist. Not that she was one, but it was a nice little daydream.
The triangles were a good distraction too. At least they were until her nose started dripping blood on them. Dammit.
She sighed quietly to herself and closed her eyes again. The clock kept chiming. Her mother’s nasty words were there now too, yelling right alongside the clock. Her nose kept bleeding. Chrissy felt like screaming. She felt like crying. She was so tired of it all.
She wiped her nose with the tissues in her pocket and took a deep breath. And when she opened her eyes her gaze landed on that little black lunchbox at Eddie’s feet. An idea popped into her head. It was reckless and probably stupid but no one told her how distressing the process of losing her mind would be. So she really didn’t care.
She quietly tore a scrap of paper out of her notebook, scribbled down a note and, after hastily looking around to confirm that no one was paying any attention to the back corner of the room, set it on Eddie’s desk.
Her stomach swooped a little bit at the thought of what she just did. What would Jason say? Hell, what would her mother say? Chrissy felt the tiniest bit of excitement in the tiniest act of rebellion she was on her way to committing—
Eddie hadn’t moved an inch. The note was untouched. Seriously? He was sleeping. That instantly dashed her excitement. How anticlimactic.
She swiped at her nose again and reached over to poke Eddie in the shoulder. He didn’t move. She tried again. Nothing. This time she kicked his leg. Maybe a little too hard. It even hurt her head. He jerked awake and nearly fell out of his seat. No one noticed.
He rubbed his eyes and looked over at her, glaring through squinted eyes.
“What the fuck was that for, princess?” It came out as a growl. Chrissy chose to believe it was only because she had just rudely woken him up. She nodded toward the note she put on his desk. He looked at it, and back at her with a hilariously confused and slightly wary look on his face.
He scooped it up in one over-dramatic motion and unfolded it carefully, all part of his inherent showmanship. And if Chrissy thought the confusion was funny before, now it was the funniest thing she had seen in her life. She would laugh at the way his eyes widened if she didn’t know that would make people see their odd exchange and make her head hurt more.
Eddie sat there with opening and closing his mouth like a fish for a good minute before reaching over to steal her pen from her desk. He scribbled something underneath her writing before folding it back up and putting it and her pen back on top of her open notebook. She carefully opened it back up to read his response.
After school. Picnic table in the woods behind the field.
If this is some trick I’ll haunt you in the afterlife.
His handwriting was messy and hard to read. She couldn’t care less. Finally she might have a way to lose her mind in peace. She looked up to where Eddie was watching her with obviousness wariness. She gave him a warm smile. Not the sickly sweet smile she reserved for the rest of the world. This smile was something shockingly real, which she had seen from herself less and less over the years.
He grinned ever so slightly in return, still wary. She nodded and made a show of tucking the note into her backpack.
After school. She could make it to after school.
***
She didn’t account for the pep rally though. She was beginning to think there was no god because she was praying so hard she was practically shouting and somehow there was no divine smiting to put a stop to it. Rude. It was awful.
She did her part perfectly. The one thing she actually enjoyed doing perfectly. She really did like cheer. It was one of the few things that put a real smile on her face. It was fun and freeing and she didn’t have to let her troubles consume her, she could get lost in the routine instead. Even her headache lessened a little.
But then Jason had to go and do that.
“Chrissy, I love you, babe.”
Oh hell no.
He just told her he loved her for the first time in front of the entire student body.
She was all too aware that she couldn’t be anything except sweet and happy by this declaration. Perfect girl and all that. So she smiled that same sweet smile and blew him the weakest kiss she could possibly muster. She hoped that was enough for him. What she supposed to do? Throw herself into his arms and say it back at the fucking pep rally of all places? That’s probably exactly what he was hoping for. Attention hog.
She swallowed down her sudden nausea. Luckily her headache had returned in force to take over providing her with constant pain. Yippee.
That wasn’t even the end of it. Jason had to go and make it worse for himself.
“What did they die for? For us to lose to some… some crap school?”
Unbelievable. He even named names. Names of people who absolutely did not give a fuck about the stupid game, people whose deaths weren’t part of some grand plan to inspire the Hawkins High School basketball team. Those people died in a tragic accident. Some of the crowd are their family. How dare he. She hopes she’s not the only one with severe disgust and second-hand embarrassment right now. She’s never seen him do anything so tasteless.
And she has no desire to stand next to him after that.
She’s quick enough after the rally to make it to the bathroom undetected. She stood in the same place as yesterday, gripping the sink and just breathing. It was the best she could do.
She had been slowly realizing it for a while now, but Jason had just put the last nail in the coffin. She didn’t love him. At all. She had no interest in the life that she had been walking towards ever since she went on a date with him as a freshman.
Because here’s the thing about Jason Carver. He’s sweet. He’s handsome. He’s popular. He’s rich. He’s going to have the life expected of him. The stereotypical suburban Hawkins dream. And he had decided freshman year that Chrissy was going to be a part of that life. And Jason is a narrow-minded individual. Not cruel, but not accepting of any detours in the plan he has.
He’s never been outright abusive. Maybe he’s grabbed her a little too tight a few times. Sex always hurt but all her friends told her that was normal. There were a couple times when he got mad enough to yell at her. But he never hit her, he never really hurt her.
Of course he never really helped her either. He didn’t seem to notice that she hardly ever ate. That she usually had red and puffy eyes after any conversation with her mother. Or recently he didn’t notice the dark bags under her eyes or the way her headaches were slowly killing her ability to function normally. He didn’t notice that she was losing her mind.
Chrissy was no expert on love. Jason was her first and only boyfriend. Her parents’ marriage isn’t exactly the image of happiness. She loved her brother but that’s not the kind of love she’s thinking of now.
Jason said he loved her. He probably meant it to. She is his ticket to the perfect life. He thinks she’s perfect. But if he loves her, shouldn’t he notice?
***
Her meeting with the counselor was awful. And Chrissy has a high bar for awful at this point in her day.
Ms. Kelley was just so nice and she asked one question. One stupid question.
“How has your day been, Chrissy?”
And that was it. Cue the waterworks and word vomit.
She laughed a little at first at the ludicrousy of it all, but it quickly turned into a sob and within ten seconds she was ugly-crying in front of the (very alarmed) school counselor. Ms. Kelley recovered quickly and helped her breath and calm down. Chrissy’s voice still shook as she told the woman all about her mother, her issues, her headaches, nightmares, nosebleeds, and very recent realization that she did not love Jason Carver.
Everything came out. Everything.
Everything that she should have been worried about for a long time, everything she knew was a problem deep down, underneath the fear and facade. Ms. Kelley listened as she cried and talked, occasionally writing something down or handing her a fresh tissue.
When she had run out of words and tears she sat there sniffling and twisting her hands in her lap. She had never told anyone everything before and she certainly was not happy that the first person to witness whatever that just was was school counselor of all people. In her (admittedly limited) experience, school counselors were either overly caring and hovered or didn’t care at all and were the opposite of helpful.
Ms. Kelley is definitely the caring type. Which is great. Just not for Chrissy. Chrissy would like nothing more than to sink into the floor right about now.
She was sifting through the various feelings of shame and embarrassment, not willing to touch the fear yet, when Ms. Kelly shoved a water bottle, granola bar, and apple into her hands and looked at her expectantly.
How thoughtful. Chrissy could just scream.
Instead she smiled. Always smiling. People like smiles.
She practically inhaled the granola bar and munched through the apple as fast as she could before chasing away the immediate nausea with the entire bottle of water. Ms. Kelley beamed at her. Chrissy smiled back.
The clock started to chime again.
***
She walked to the bathroom in a haze, not really registering anything going on around her. She thinks a couple people tried to get her attention. One of her friends definitely congratulated her about Jason. But she just walked slowly, trying to hold herself together and pretending she wasn’t already fraying apart at the seams.
The bathroom was blessedly empty again. She ducked into a stall and hunched over the toilet, ready for everything to spill back out. She couldn’t remember when she started crying, but at some point she realized her face was wet and she was alternating between heaving and sobbing.
The clock chimed the whole time.
She never heard the door open or the other girl come in.
She just heard the hesitant, “Hey, are you all right?”
No. No, I am absolutely not all right. I am all wrong and I wish I could lose my mind faster so I didn’t have to keep realizing that.
She cannot deal with that question right now.
“Yeah— Yes, I’m… I’m fine.”
“Okay, um… You’re sure?”
“Please, just go away.”
She really wasn’t trying to be rude. It was sweet that the girl was concerned. Touching, really. But Chrissy does not have it in her to face another person right now.
She nearly jumps out of her skin when the pounding on the door starts. She thought the girl left. She told her to leave.
“Are you deaf? I said go away.”
But it wasn’t the worried voice of some high school girl outside the stall. Her mother’s voice started barking her name. Started hurling her nasty words at her. Chrissy trembled and shoved herself as far from the door as she could in the small space. The feet under the door were not her mother’s, and the voice wasn’t anymore either. The pounding on the door was growing more insistent. The voice and the flickering lights sent her heart dropping through her stomach. She pressed her hands to her ears and began to scream back, begging for it all to go away.
Then it was gone.
She could have sworn that door was about to burst in and whatever was behind it would fulfill all her mother’s threats.
But it was gone.
The bathroom was empty. She was alone on the dirty bathroom floor. Even the clock chimes were silent in her head.
As it turns out, losing your mind is not all she was hoping it would be. Chrissy is very worried now.
***
At least the second time her mother wasn’t a part of it. Or whatever it was that was banging down the bathroom door. She didn’t really care to find out what it was.
The second time, it’s just a clock. An old grandfather clock, stuck in a tree, with spiders crawling out of it, and chiming the same sounds she’s been hearing in her head for days. The second time it suddenly becomes very, very clear that she isn’t losing her mind. It’s already been lost and it left her with all the same misery with an added helping of terror. Lovely.
She’s already well on her way to a panic attack at the sight when Eddie Munson’s unannounced arrival sends her jumping out her skin.
“Whoa, hey, hey, hey. Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says it with a little chuckle. “You okay?”
She chooses to ignore that question, which he probably takes as an answer all on its own.
“There’s uh… There’s nothing to worry about. Okay? No one ever comes out here. We’re safe. I promise.”
She figures she must look like a nervous wreck. It’s fair of him to assume it’s because she’s about to buy drugs and not because she’s being plagued by an old clock. She just swallows and nods.
“So, how does this work exactly?”
Eddie Munson is not what she expected. At all.
He is the type of person that everyone knows about for the opposite reason that everyone knows Chrissy. He’s loud, in every sense of the word and in every way it can be applied to a person. He’s provocative, he listens to harsh loud music, he dresses like denim and leather had a baby then dropped it in a box of jewelry. His hair is long, he sells drugs, he has tattoos, and he’s a third time senior. Yeah, everyone knows Eddie. He’s not just the freak of Hawkins High, he’s the freak of Hawkins.
And yet, he’s making Chrissy smile more in five minutes than anyone else has in the last two years. He keeps pulling those real, warm smiles out of her. Genuine laughs. It’s astonishing. But it’s so wonderful.
Eddie is silly and dramatic and a showman. She was making a very poor effort of containing her jumpiness and somehow he managed to distract her from it all by just being entirely himself. Chrissy admired it about him.
Middle school talent show. It felt like decades ago. She remembered him now that he had brought it up and pride shot through her when she pulled the name of his band out of her memory.
He had changed. A lot. She was only minorly surprised to realize she liked him. He was fun. She wished she could let go and be fun like him. He made it look so effortless. Maybe he would teach her.
“You know, you’re not what I thought you’d be like.”
“Mean and scary?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, well, I actually kinda thought you’d be kinda mean and scary too.”
She gasped in surprise and was far too proud of herself to putting a little extra drama into it to match his earlier energy. “Me?”
“Terrifying.”
She smiled wide and laughed a little at the absurdity of the thought, the whole situation she had found herself in, had put herself in. Buying drugs. Reminiscing with Eddie Munson. Being the slightest bit jealous of Eddie Munson.
He sat back down across from her at the table and got back to business. She was abruptly reminded of why she had asked Eddie to sell to her in the first place. And with just perfect timing the clock chimed in her head again, only now she had a visual to go with it.
“Do you have anything… maybe… stronger?”
***
Even Chrissy in her current state of mind had to admit that the game was exciting. She had fun cheering and Hawkins very narrowly won. She could imagine how that little freshman was feeling right about now. It reminded her of how she got to save the day when one of the flyers broke her ankle in freshman year and no one else could pull off the stunt.
But she was more than ready to leave when it was all over. She didn’t even bother changing out of her cheer uniform. She just dashed out before anyone could realize she wasn’t with the other girls anymore. Before Jason could find her and give a very public, very sweaty, very unwanted kiss after his big game.
She waited behind Eddie’s van, just like he told her to, and before long she heard people begin to start filing out of the gym, all excited and cheering. She was broadcasting her prayers that no one would see her here when she became aware of a smaller set of cheers coming from one of the school buildings. She chanced a peek around the van and saw Eddie and his group of outcasts emerging cheering, all with victorious smiles on their faces.
Eddie was watching the freshmen of the group with obvious fondness and supervised their walk across the dark parking lot to the gym. Chrissy watched with him from her vantage point as the three younger kids walked straight towards— Chrissy had to do a double take— Steve Harrington of all people. And… was that Robin Barnes? Burnes? No, no… it was Buck-something. It didn’t matter. She had never interacted with the girl. The way she was standing with Steve Harrington’s arm over her shoulder was interesting though.
Steve Harrington was another one of those people who everyone knew. Chrissy liked to think they were similar. The golden boy of Hawkins who everyone has expectations for. He seemed to have shrugged them off recently though. She didn’t know the story behind it, but King Steve had tossed aside his crown.
Good for him.
There it was again. The jealousy. How odd.
Her runaway train of thought was derailed by Eddie’s hands making a loud bang against the side of the van.
“Ready to go?”
She didn’t answer right away. The clock was there again. Not in her head. Behind him. In the woods, just past the treeline. She could see the spiders crawling toward her.
“Hey… listen it’s not too late to change your mind. No judgement. I can give you a ride home instead and it will be like none of this ever happened. Just say the word.”
Bless his heart. But she definitely needed whatever it was he had that could make that damned clock leave her alone.
“No! No, I’m fine. I’m ready. Let’s go. Please”
He looked at her for a second, hesitating, considering. It was obvious he was taking a risk with her. She was the queen, and he could get in a lot of trouble just talking with her. She shuddered to imagine Jason’s temper if he found her taking drugs from him.
She needed to reassure him.
“Really. Please. I need this.”
He nodded once and held the door open for her, bowing dramatically again as she climbed in.
“As you wish, m’lady.”
It made her smile. She appreciated that.
The drive to his trailer was probably awkward for him, but she was too wrapped up in her head to notice. After about five minutes she decided she didn’t want to be wrapped up in her head at that moment. He hadn’t turned on any music, so she broke the silence herself.
“It’s sweet. How you watch out for those kids.”
He startled just a little bit and looked over at her quickly.
“Oh. Yeah. I guess so. Someone has to and it’s not like anyone else is going to protect the little nerds from big-bads like your darling Jason.” She flinched at that. He noticed. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just… he’s not exactly the most accepting of us freaks.” His voice had turned bitter but it was obvious he hadn’t meant any offense to her.
“No you’re right. I know what you mean. Jason is… well he’s not very open-minded.” And he is not my darling. Unless being my darling means I can drop kick him into the quarry.
He was quiet. It was too dark for her to read his expression. Then he nodded again.
“They’re good kids,” he said softly. He turned on the radio then, loud music blaring through the speakers for the rest of the drive.
That fondness again, this time in his voice. She wondered what it would be like to have a little gaggle of freshmen to take care of. Kids that admire you for who you are, that follow your lead. It must be nice. Like a little found family. The jealousy tingled again. Family. What she wouldn’t give for any kind of family other than her bitch of a mother.
The van came to an abrupt halt. She snapped back into focus.
“Home sweet home,” he said next to her.
The trailer is cramped and messy. There are a confusing number of hats and mugs hung on the walls. It was so lived-in and personalized. So different from Chrissy’s big, cold, sterile house.
Eddie is frantically swiping trash off some of the surfaces, either nervous at having her in his home or embarrassed by the mess. She wishes he would leave it.
She tries to put as much kindness on her face as possible, but she’s not sure how successful she is at pushing back her own nerves. She felt like spiders were crawling up her back. She didn’t like the feeling. At all.
She tries to start some sort of polite small talk but the chills are only intensifying and she has the horrible urge to crawl out of her skin.
“How long does it take?”
She is fully aware that she sounds desperate. And the abruptness catches him off guard.
“The Special K. How long to kick in?”
He goes back to rummaging through drawers and containers while he distractedly explains the most fast-acting method. She doesn’t care what it takes right now. She just wants to stop this feeling. If she has to wait much longer she’ll scream and then Eddie will freak out and she won’t get anything.
“You’re sure you have it?”
“No, no, I got it. Um, somewhere. Uh…”
He doesn’t have nearly as much urgency as she would like him to. He disappears down the hall and she faintly hears the strum of a guitar. She stands uselessly in the middle of the room, just trying to calm her breathing.
It’s pointless though. The clock starts ticking. And chiming. It’s never done both before. And it’s loud. And far too real for her liking. Something is different this time. She does not like this. Not a bit.
There it is. Outside. The grandfather clock. She takes a shuddering breath and shuts the curtains.
“Eddie? Did you find it?”
She can still hear the clock. She can’t just wait there. She moves down the hall in the direction he went, calling his name. He never answered. When she got to the door she saw him disappear into it wasn’t Eddie she saw.
It was her mother. Her mother sewing. Like nothing was wrong.
“Mom?”
“Just loosening this up for you, sweetheart.”
And, oh. Oh no, Chrissy could not handle this mixture of all her fears right now. But something out there had it out for her because then her mother turned and it wasn’t her mother’s face looking back. She didn’t know what it was. But it was absolutely terrifying.
She pulled the door shut and felt terror take over. She couldn’t think straight. She just held the door and wished for it all to go away. For her to wake up from whatever nightmare this was.
It only got worse. Her father… her poor father. That voice. She wanted that voice to leave her alone. She just wanted it all to stop. She rushed through the house frantically looking for a way out. The front door. There it was.
Except it was blocked. She was trapped. She felt completely hopeless. She was terrified. She had no idea what was going to happen next but she just wanted to wake up. Go back to her shitty life and live an unfulfilling life with Jason Carver. She just did not want to find out what was going to happen next. She was screaming and crying while she pounded on the beams across the doorway. She didn’t even recognize her own voice, it was so full of pure terror.
“Somebody, help me!”
What happened to Eddie? She would have thought he would help her. He was going to help her. But she was here. There was a monster behind her. And there was absolutely nothing she could do except stand there petrified, whimpering.
The monster’s hand extended toward her face. She shut her eyes and stifled a scream.
“It’s time for your suffering… to end.”
This was it. She was sure of it. Maybe after this she would finally have the bliss she was cheated out of when she started losing her mind.
That gruesome hand, the long slimy fingers were hovering over her face… Tears were leaking from her eyes and she let out a last frantic cry.
Then…
She wasn’t sure what happened then. But it wasn’t what she had been expecting.
She heard… music. It wasn’t normal music, it was the type of music that made her mother’s lip curl in disgust. But something about it was oddly familiar. She opened her eyes. The hand was still moving toward her, hovering, the claws nearly touching her skin.
And there, just behind it… well she didn’t know what that was either. A hole? She didn’t really care. She could see Eddie on the floor of his trailer, things fallen around him from where he backed into the table because… she was hovering in the air.
She decided not to question it. Instead she ducked away from the monstrous hand and darted around him. She had never moved so fast in all her life, she was sure of it.
And then she lost track of it for a second. She was gasping awake, sucking in air like she had never had a taste in her life. Her eyes shot open and then she was falling.
She didn’t even care that it hurt. She would probably have a huge bruise on that side of her body from landing that way. She just laid there, gasping for air, tears rolling down her face.
“Chrissy!”
Oh right. Eddie was probably freaked out. She couldn’t blame him. She was freaked out too.
Then he was in her field of vision from where she lay on the floor. He crouched over her, his hands fluttering over her, not quite sure what he was supposed to be doing.
“What the hell was that? You’re gonna have to fill me in here.” He wasn’t just freaked out. He was completely frantic.
She wasn’t really registering his words. She was listening to the music that she could hear clearly now. It was loud, but muffled. She turned her head on the floor. The radio. It had been on the table, but now it was face-down on the floor after probably falling when Eddie collided with the table, blaring loud music into the carpet.
And… she knew this song. She hadn’t heard it in so long though.
“Chrissy, come on you gotta give me something! I’m freaking out here! Chrissy, snap out of it!”
Right. She pulled herself up into a sitting position.
“What was that?” She could clearly hear the panic in his demand.
She couldn’t tell him. She didn’t even know what to tell him. She didn’t know what it was. She—
She was crying again. And not just crying. Heaving, gasping sobs. She tried to force words out of her mouth, to tell him she was fine, that it was all fine. But each time she tried she just remembered that awful place, her parents, the monster. She was so scared.
She toppled over, not having the energy to keep herself upright even on the floor. Lucky for her she swayed in Eddie’s direction and she face planted right into his leather jacket. He froze but she didn’t care. She buried her face in his jacket and gripped at his clothes, one hand holding the leather jacket and the other fisted in the denim vest.
She sobbed. His arms came up around her, haltingly, hesitantly. But when she relaxed a little more into the comforting touch he held her tighter and started rubbing circles into her back.
She didn’t know how long she cried for but eventually she could hear that he was murmuring to her. Soft words like “just breathe” and “you’re safe” and to her utter amazement, she believed him. At least enough to calm down.
Finally she was able to breathe somewhat steadily and peeled herself away from him, wiping at her face. They were both quiet except for the stuttering of her breathing.
“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered.
“It’s… It’s okay,” he matched her volume.
She didn't look at him. She couldn’t. If she saw the worry and kindness in his eyes she would start crying again and they would get nowhere.
“I uh… I am gonna need an explanation though. At some point.”
She nodded.
“Can I— Would it be all right if I… if I stayed here tonight?”
She did not want to go back to her house after that. Anywhere but her house. And she felt inexplicably safe with Eddie.
“Uh… yeah. Sure. Um… just let me… Uh…”
He got up and disappeared into the back room again. She tried not to let her panic take over again. She failed. She was in his bedroom doorway before she even realized she had gotten up off the floor. Eddie was staring at her like she was some sort of wounded wild animal.
“I’m sorry, I just— I… You—“ She was going to freak him out even more at this rate. She took a shuddering breath and tried again. “I really don’t want to be alone right now. I’m sorry… I know that doesn’t make any sense, but I— I can’t—“
“Hey, hey, it’s… well it’s not really okay because there is obviously something very wrong but… don’t worry about it. You can crash here and if you want my help in the morning we’ll figure it out. Okay?”
His voice betrayed his own fear, but somehow his words managed to calm her down again. He went back to diving through a pile of clothes. She watched him from the doorway, afraid to even blink because she remembered walking into this room and seeing a demonic version of her mother here instead—
No. Eddie was right there. She was okay. At least for now.
She let the music that was still playing in the background wash out her thoughts.
“Here. These are clean. Bathroom is right there.” He shoved a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt into her hands and motioned to a door down the hall.
She shut her eyes before turning in the direction he pointed, using her hand on the wall to guide her to the bathroom. She changed into the loose clothes blindly, not daring to open her eyes again until she was back in the same room as Eddie. Even then she barely made it back without hyperventilating.
He was looking at her oddly, still wary, still afraid. There were new blankets on the mattress and Eddie was in different clothes too.
“I’ll uh… I’ll be on the couch out there. Just holler if you need anything.” He fidgeted awkwardly for a second before nodding once and moving past her out the door. She couldn’t handle this.
“Eddie, wait!”
He stopped and turned back to look at her. She noticed his breathing was panicked now too.
“Yeah?”
“Can you… stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?”
He didn’t seem to know what to do with that request.
“I’m sorry. Nevermind, that’s stupid of me. I just—“
“No, it’s… it’s fine. If you’re, uh, scared then… what kind of gentleman would I be if I left you alone?”
He recovered fast, his usual antics peaking through his fear. She smiled gratefully. He settled on the floor next to the door and she laid down stiffly on the mattress. He didn’t ask if she wanted the lights off. She appreciated that. The music was still on too. She let it and Eddie Munson’s presence lull her into sleep.
Where nightmares were waiting for her. And they were so, so much worse now.