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It's been 8 months. Exactly 8 months today, when Bonnivier lost the love of his life.
He doesn't remember how it happened really. Doesn't remember whether it was his fault, or Sonny's, or both of their faults. He only remembers the lonely nights alone in their home, babysitting the kids for the night and waiting for his husband to come home. Sometimes, he falls asleep at the dining table, food gone cold as Sonny gently wakes him up. Other times, he tucks their children into bed without waiting and lies down on their shared bed, alone and cold.
He also remembers the nights when he came home late to Sonny asleep on their bed with their two children on top of him, clearly having waited for him to return. He remembers the guilt he felt as he tucked them all into the warm covers and settled into the sofa, not wanting to disturb his beloved ones' rest.
He remembers the conversations they had in the safety of their bedroom. Hushed voices trying to express their own feelings and discussing how to work out a way for their marriage to bloom again.
Sonny and him never fight. At least not when they were best friends, dating and eventually husbands. They know and understand each other so well, they barely need to talk to work out the kinks in their relationship. Just a calm touch and an understanding gaze were enough.
Maybe that's why that fight was so ugly.
The sudden loss of comfort from months of their relationship being strained made them desperate. Made them lash out. It didn't help that both of them were probably overworked. The only time they could talk to each other while also taking a break from their hectic lives were fewer each day as they progressed in their careers.
He shouldn't have yelled at Sonny. He shouldn't have said those awful words.
But it's too late now.
Bonnivier sighs and turns away from the calendar. It's his turn to take the kids for the weekend. Sonny and him worked out a good schedule so that their children could spend their time with their fathers. After all, it wasn't their fault the marriage failed. Picking his keys from the counter at the door, he quickly heads out to his car. He's missed his kids - and maybe Sonny too.
It's a familiar drive to Sonny's house. It was their shared home, once before. It made sense to let Sonny take the big house since he's the one who won the custody battle and takes care of their kids full time now. No matter how familiar, however, he still gets nervous. Still worries. Scared that one day, he'll open the door and his kids don't want him anymore. He already lost Sonny, he can't lose the two other loves of his life too.
Meeting Sonny again is a nerve-wracking moment too. No matter how many times he sees Sonny, he still feels the flutter of butterflies in his stomach, the lump in his throat barely holding him back from expressing his affections. Even when they were fighting, he loved Sonny. And he loves Sonny still.
But it's too late.
As he parks in the driveway, he can see the interior of his previous house. He sees Sonny laughing exasperatedly, running after their youngest son with the child's clothes in one hand. Bonnivier allows himself a small smile at the sight. He turns off the engine and takes a deep breath. Everything is going to be fine.
Stepping out of the car, he can hear his heart pounding in his ears. He wrings his wrists as he steps to the front door. He fixes his hair and clothes, making sure he looks presentable and knocks on the door. Three times with a particular rhythm, a habit from making a totally secret knock with his children.
He holds his breath, only releasing it when the door finally opens.
"Papa! You're here!", his oldest son shouts happily. He's already wearing his favourite overalls and cap with a bag on his back, clearly ready for the weekend with his father.
His son hugs his legs tightly before dragging him inside the house. "Papa is here!". It was not long before he can see a flash of tiny legs and flailing arms running to him. Not wanting his youngest to hurt himself crashing into his legs, Bonnivier times his stance and scoops up his 3-year-old into his arms. The blonde-haired toddler squeals and wraps his arms around his father's neck. Bonnivier laughs and gives both his sons some well deserved kisses all over their faces. He's missed them so much, his little ones.
Then, Sonny comes around the corner, still with his son's clothes in his hands. And time stops.
Or at least it feels like it did to Bonnivier. Sonny looks beautiful. Even with his shirt rumpled from trying to prepare their children for their stay with their other father, his glasses askew and vague circles under his eyes, Sonny still make Bonnivier's heart skip a beat.
"Hi."
"Hi," Sonny gives him a small smile. "You're here early."
"Yea. Um, I want to avoid the traffic. You know how crowded it gets at the zoo on the weekends," Bonnivier gestures awkwardly with his free hand.
"Oh, the zoo? That sounds fun. They would love the lions." Sonny grins and steps closer to Bonnivier to take their youngest from him.
"C'mon, baby, let's get you dressed. You need to look handsome to meet all the pretty animals."
Bonnivier can feel his face warm up from the closeness as Sonny walks away. Fuck, he's being really obvious, isn't he? He needs to get his shit together. It's too late, remember?
He lets his oldest drag him around again to his small bedroom. He shows his father his pieces from art class, his quiz results of the week. Just like Sonny, his son loves praise and Bonnivier loves giving it to him. He exclaims in surprise and wonder at the right times, telling his son how amazing he is and how proud he is of him. His son grins his widest smile and hugs him tightly in thanks.
Before long, Sonny knocks on the door of the room.
"He's ready now. They're all set to go."
Together, they all head to the front door, helping their kids get into their respective shoes and making sure everything is prepared for the weekend stay with Bonnivier.
Maybe it's the domesticity, maybe it's the quiet lull of the morning, but suddenly Bonnivier feels a surge of courage - and maybe recklessness - well up from inside.
"Do you- do you wanna go with us to the zoo? There's a- a special sea creatures exhibit going on."
Sonny's eyes widen in surprise, not expecting an invitation since weekends are normally Bonnivier's solo time with the kids.
"I can drive you home after, of course. You don't have to stay with me - us - during the weekend," Bonnivier can feel his hands shake, sweat slowly dripping down his temple.
Sonny shakes his head and gestures to his clothes, "I'm not even ready. And you said there was going to be traffic."
"We can wait. Right, guys?", he looks to his children for some very cute support. The two children light up and excitedly jump up and down.
"We can wait! Dad, come with us! It will be so much fun!", exclaimations of excitement and joy fill the house, the children begging their Dad to join them.
Sonny lets out a small laugh, considering the offer. Bonnivier can see him thinking it over in his head and decides to use his last trump card.
"I heard the cuttlefishes exhibition is getting a major upgrade. We can go see your favourite squishies."
Sonny looks at him exasperatedly, knowing exactly what Bonnivier is trying to do. He was never really a good actor. Bonnivier can feel his hope start to deflate before Sonny speaks up and says, "Okay, I'll go."
Now it's Bonnivier's time to be shocked. He didn't expect Sonny to agree. He feels himself nod absent-mindedly to Sonny telling them he's going to shower and dress for the occasion. Bonnivier feels like he's walking on clouds, his brain on autopilot as they wait for his ex-husband to get ready.
Later, as Bonnivier and Sonny settle into the front seats of the car, his mind finally catches up to what's happening. He turns towards Sonny and his kids in the back, making sure everyone is ready before turning on the engine.
"Bon, I hope you know what you're doing," he hears Sonny say at his side, something like hope in his eyes.
Bonnivier nods and swallows the lump in his throat. He knows Sonny is giving him a chance. And he's not going to waste it a second time.
It's not too late.