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Wooyoung feels a little dazed but the drink in his hand and the loud music keep him going. He had lost count of the drinks he had at four. All he knows is that he feels good and he was having a good night just drinking his feelings and dancing to his heart’s content. He had been feeling stressed recently, especially after he discovered the tiny crush he had on his best friend of eight years.
It didn’t help that they lived together!
It had become painfully obvious that something was going on between them. Wooyoung no longer spent alone time with Yeosang nor did he try to cling to him anymore. They became more like polite strangers than best friends. The best friends who bragged about their eight years of friendship were nowhere to be found.
Yes, Wooyoung was running away and he could see the hurt look that Yeosang threw his way every time he grabbed one of their other friends and skipped away to do something. Or the sad look on Yeosang’s face when he asked Wooyoung if he was free and the younger would say he had plans with someone else.
The worst one was when Yeosang tried to crawl into bed next to him during a storm (the older hated storms and always wanted to be close to Wooyoung) and he just pretended to be asleep. Despite having his back turned towards Yeosang, the younger knew he looked heartbroken as he walked back to his room.
So sue Wooyoung for being an asshole.
He’ll admit it but he would rather be an asshole than be heartbroken and lose his best friend.
So he takes another shot and carries on dancing his night away. He is too into the music to realise that someone has their hands on his waist. His fuzzy mind registers the familiar warmth of the hands and the cologne he loves so much. He missed this so much but his brain can’t tell why right now. He just wants to dance.
The stranger moves closer to him and Wooyoung doesn’t hate it. In fact, he felt safe and comfortable. There was something familiar about the strangers and he just wants to be closer so he places his hands on the stranger’s shoulders before their hands wrap around his neck. Their bodies are pressed together as the music is forgotten. All Wooyoung can hear is the blood rushing through his veins.
They are pressed so close together and Wooyoung’s eyes focus on the stranger’s soft (and familiar) lips. He has to swallow the lump in his throat when the stranger licks his lip and before he knows it he is kissing the stranger.
Their lips fit perfectly and Wooyoung can’t help but want more. His hands find their way to the stranger’s hair and he tugs at it to pull him closer. The stranger’s grip around Wooyoung tightens and he groans into the kiss and suddenly everything stops.
Wooyoung has heard that groan before. He is very familiar with it, he used to hear it all the time when he bothered and teased Yeosang.
Yeosang!
Wooyoung suddenly sobers up and jerks away to stare at his best friend who he had been actively avoiding.
Yeosang looks at him with wide eyes before they look down at the floor as if he was guilty. His hands loosen around Wooyoung’s waist as he steps back. It looked like Yeosang had also sobered up and was regretting everything.
Wooyoung’s heart sinks. He had fucked up, so badly.
“Y—yeosang, I—”
“Sorry!” Yeosang breathes out before he turns away and pushes past everyone else, leaving Wooyoung behind.
Everything hurts.
Wooyoung had always known that Yeosang didn’t feel the same way. He had always been happy to just be best friends. The moment he had realised that he had a crush on Yeosang, he had known he was doomed but facing reality was a totally different and it felt like his whole heart was being ripped out.
To say it sucks was an understatement.
It felt like everything was slipping away from Wooyoung’s fingers as he watches Yeosang run away from him in slow-motion. He wanted to follow Yeosang so badly. He wanted to go after him and say it was just a drunken mistake, but he was rooted on the spot. It was over. Everything was fucked and Wooyoung couldn’t do anything about it other than standing there and weeping quietly.
Everything changed after that night. Not that Wooyoung was expecting anything less. He had gotten back home somehow and woke up to a tear-stained pillow. He lays in bed for as long as he can before he really had to get out of bed.
Their flat feels quiet and cold.
Yeosang’s bedroom door is shut and Wooyoung wants to so badly wants to go talk to him but he can’t. He is scared to make things worse and it surely cannot get any worse.
Except that it does.
Yeosang is the one actively avoiding Wooyoung now.
Yeosang is never home when Wooyoung is. When they do run into each other, they share awkward greetings and it starts affecting their friend group too. When they are all together they don’t talk to each other. They don’t share their usual banter and San gives him worried looks. Wooyoung just brushes him away.
They are having a movie night at Yunho and San’s flat. Wooyoung had luckily found comfort between San and Seonghwa while Yeosang was somewhere on the opposite side of the room, probably with Yunho and Mingi. Wooyoung wants to go find him and talk to him so they can fix their friendship but he doesn’t know what to say or how he would even fix his stupid mistake.
“Hey…are you okay?” San asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“Yeah, just tired,” Wooyoung brushes San’s concern off with a smile and San luckily lets it go.
The rest of their movie night goes without any questioning until it comes to the matter of who will wash all the dishes. As it is their tradition, they play rock, paper, scissors, and both Wooyoung and Yeosang lose. Everyone cheers while Wooyoung pouts.
“Come on, Yeosangie,” Wooyoung says as he swings his arm around the older’s shoulder, forgetting for a second that they were going through a cold war.
He feels Yeosang stiffen under his touch and then he pulls his hand away from him as if Yeosang burned him. They stare at each other with wide eyes and just stand there awkwardly before someone clears their throat.
“Guys…the dishes aren’t going to do themselves,” Seonghwas says gently. Yeosang looks away from Wooyoung and nods before he scurries away to the kitchen.
Seonghwa pats Wooyoung’s shoulder and gives him a knowing look. Seonghwa always had good instincts and always knew what was going on. Wooyoung just shakes his head and goes to the kitchen to awkwardly wash the dishes with Yeosang. They both just quietly get to work. There is an awkward silence between them as they get to work. Normally they would be bickering and blaming each other for having to wash the dishes. They should be laughing and joking together but now everything was awkward and Wooyoung felt like he was walking on glass. Wooyoung keeps on opening and shutting his mouth, he wants to say something but nothing feels right so he just clamps his mouth shut and carries on working on washing the dishes.
They finish up in silence and then they go home in silence, not without a worried look for Seonghwa.
San nudges Wooyoung too before they leave and all the younger can do is give San a sad smile.
Once they get back to their flat, Yeosang simply takes his shoes off and goes to his room before shutting the door. Wooyoung watches the shut door and wonders if he should knock on it and try and talk to Yeosang but he doesn’t know what to say. How many times had he already backed away from opening his mouth? How much more would he put himself in this place before giving up on their friendship? He just wants his best friend back and wants to fix everything but he doesn’t know how to fix it and make things go back to the way it was.
Back before he even realised his feelings.
If he had never had a crush on Yeosang, they wouldn’t be in this mess. He wouldn’t have ever started avoiding Yeosang and then he would have never been at the party, too drunk to even recognise the boy he was in love with—
Wooyoung’s eyes widen.
“Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
Wooyoung panics as he rushes to his room and slams the door shut before he leans against it and slides down onto the floor as he curls up into himself. He cannot stop the tears from falling down his face.
He was in love with Yeosang!
Everything got ten times worse as his whole world comes crashing down. He cries into his knees feeling like he hit rock bottom. In love with his best friend who (probably) didn’t want anything to do with him. And look where his feelings had gotten him. He hurt his best friend and then kissed him and now Yeosang probably hated him. Everything had fallen apart and it was all Wooyoung’s fault. He was so dumb, how could he have never seen in coming and why had he thought his feelings would just go away?
It would never go away.
It will always be Yeosang for him.
Who would he even be without Yeosang? Yeosang had always been there every step of the way so no, giving up on their friendship absolutely was not a choice. He only had two choices, it was either confess his feelings and let Yeosang decide or it was to ignore his feelings and just act like none of this ever happened. Both options made Wooyoung sick to his stomach. Being honest could possibly end his friendship and lying meant having to put up with his unspoken feeling and hoping they go away.
He would have to talk to Yeosang and fix it and bury his feelings, never to see the light of day.c Even if the idea makes him sick to his stomach he knows he cannot live without his best friend. He would do anything for Yeosang. He would even forget his feelings for him, but the tears won’t stop falling and he can no longer hold back the sobs.
He ends up crying himself to sleep.
When he wakes up, his whole body is sore from falling asleep on the floor. His face is stained with tears and his eyes are puffy.
He feels shit and he looked it too. He somehow manages to make it to his lecture. He takes comfort in his hoodie to hide the state of his face and keeps his head down, barely focusing on what his professor is saying. He just focuses on getting through the day. He decides to take everything slowly. He will eventually deal with his feeling too but his friends seem to have different plans.
Wooyoung isn’t sure what led to this point. The awkwardness between him and Yeosang during movie nights or just the general blank state Wooyoung would be in these days. He knew that one of their friends would do something at some point but he didn’t realise that they would go so far as to shut him and Yeosang in Yunho’s room during one of their movie nights.
Stupid.
Wooyoung is stupid.
Yunho had asked him to get one of his hoodies and Wooyoung being the good friend he is went right in and stepped into Yunho’s bedroom to find Yeosang. Yeosang looks like a dear in headlights and just before Wooyoung can run out, the door shuts and now here they are.
Wooyoung stands by the door awkwardly while Yeosang is sitting on Yunho’s bed, fiddling with his fingers. A nervous habit he had for as long as Wooyoung can remember. He hates knowing that he made Yeosang heroic and uncomfortable. He wants to be the last person on Earth that made Yeosang uncomfortable.
“Yeosang…”
Yeosang looks up at Wooyoung and the younger wants to cry again. He hadn’t properly seen Yeosang in months and now he was feeling a little overwhelmed. He had never been apart from Yeosang for long periods before so he was realising how much he missed his best friend. His entire being yearned for Yeosang and Wooyoung can’t help but start crying. He tries his best not to but he can’t help it when everything he has ever wanted was sitting there right in front of him.
A choked sob escapes his lips and Yeosang immediately gets up and hugs Wooyoung.
Wooyoung lets out another choked sob as he is enveloped by the familiar warmth of Yeosang. He grips the back of Yeosang’s t-shirt. He never wants to let go. He wants to be in Yeosang’s arms forever. Wooyoung takes long shaky breaths trying to calm himself down until he feels wetness on his shoulder. Yeosang was crying too and Wooyoung truly hates himself for being the cause of it.
They had missed each other so much and neither of them needed any words to understand that.
“I’m so sorry, Yeosang,” Wooyoung finally says between sobs. “For everything. I fucked up,” he adds as he closes his eyes. He tries to find the right words but right now all he can really say is sorry.
“I am sorry too…I know I shouldn’t have been a coward but I didn’t know how to face you…” Yeosang whispers.
“I’m a coward too…I am so sorry Yeo, so fucking sorry for everything,” Wooyoung says as he holds Yeosang tighter if that was even possible.
They stand there quietly, just hugging each other, both still quietly crying.
“Wooyoung…” Yeosang calls as he gently pushes away from the younger.
His eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. His face is red and Wooyoung’s heart cries out. He smiles at Wooyoung as he places a hand on his chest. Wooyoung just stares at Yeosang. Despite the mess of tears and swollen eyes, Yeosang still managed to be beautiful. He can’t help but place a hand on Yeosang’s cheek.
“Hum?”
“The truth is…Jung Wooyoung, I have been in love with you since we were 16.”
Yeosang is still smiling at him but Wooyoung can see more tears forming in his eyes.
“I am so sorry…when we kissed…I wanted to kiss you and I had been scared that you were slipping away from me,” Yeosang says. “You had been avoiding me and when I really thought about it, you were probably just busy but I had made everything awkward by then,” Yeosang adds. A stray tear rolls down Yeosang’s cheek and Wooyoung uses his other hand to brush it away.
“I am sorry I made everything awkward. I know I was being selfish pushing my feelings on you when you didn’t even feel the same way.”
Wooyoung’s eyes widen in surprise at Yeosang’s words. Did Yeosang really not know? Did he really not see the way Wooyoung looked at him like he had hung the stars?
“Yeosang I— ”
Wooyoung is cut off by Yeosang who places a trembling hand on his lips.
“Don’t break my heart…I already know the answer. Just give me some time and I will get over all of my feelings for you and I will be your best friend again.”
Yeosang is still smiling but his smile never reaches his eyes. He moves his hands from Wooyoung’s mouth to his cheek and he rubs away the tears that he didn’t even know had started falling.
“Don’t cry for me,” Yeosang whispers. “I don’t regret any of it…I just regret being the one to make you cry like this,” he adds as he pulls away from Wooyoung.
Wooyoung’s heart breaks seeing Yeosang like this. He may have not said it but Wooyoung could read the older like an open book and he knew deep down Yeosang was more hurt than he let on. He knew that the older probably spent many nights crying himself to sleep. All this time, both of their hearts had been broken but the truth was it didn’t have to be.
Before Yeosang can go for the door, Wooyoung’s brain finally catches up with everything and he grabs Yeosang’s hand.
“I love you!”
The words come out of Wooyoung’s mouth before he can think too much. Yeosang looks back at him with wide eyes. Wooyoung can see tears gathering in the older’s eyes once again. “I love you, Yeosang…all this time, it’s only been you. Don’t you see the way I look at you?” Wooyoung says. His voice sounds desperate and he is desperate for Yeosang to understand how much he means to him.
“Don’t do this, Wooyoung. Don’t give me false hope and false words…” Yeosang says, his face scrunching up and Wooyoung recognises it as Yeosang’s “do not cry” face.
Wooyoung at that moment doesn’t think and just moves. He needs Yeosang to understand that he means it when he says he loves Yeosang. He pulls Yeosang by his arm and pulls him towards him so they are face to face once again.
“Yeosang, you have to believe me! I love you! I’m in love with you! All this time, I have been purposely putting a distance between us so I could get over my feelings for you. You were right, I did it on purpose. I am so fucking sorry that I hurt you, I never meant to hurt you but I was scared, Yeosang. I was so fucking scared that you would hate me if you realised I was in love with you.”
Wooyoung takes a shaky breath before he closes his eyes.
“When we kissed that night…I got so scared that it was a drunken mistake and that you had never wanted me and maybe you will never want me. While I was there kissing the person of my dreams and it felt like I was taking advantage of you while drunk,” Wooyoung says, slowly and carefully. He hesitates but finally looks at Yeosang again. His heart jumps to his throat as he sees Yeosang weeping quietly. Not a sound came out of his mouth but the tears kept on falling and in the dim bedroom light, he looked so beautiful.
“I never meant to hurt you,” Wooyoung says as he cups Yeosang’s face and wipes the tears away. “All I have ever wanted is to be the one you look for when you need comfort and to be the person who gets to love you for the rest of your life,” Wooyoung says sincerely. He has to close his own eyes as his tears start falling too. He steps closer to Yeosang and presses their foreheads together.
“It’s you, it’s always been you for me, Yeosang.”
“Me too,” Yeosang speaks finally and Wooyoung never thought two simple words could make him so happy. “I love you, Wooyoung, and I will always love you,” Yeosang says as his hands hand their way around Wooyoung’s neck.
“I love you, too.”
Neither of them know who moved first, or maybe they both moved at the same time but as their lips come together, Wooyoung realises that it wasn’t anything groundbreaking. There was no ah moment, the Earth didn’t stop spinning and neither were there any fireworks. It was just a soft kiss that enveloped Wooyoung in a safe warmth that made his heart sing.
It was home.
It was Yeosang.
The kiss is soft, a little shy and unsure but as they both start feeling more confident, they move in sync. It really was like two pieces of a puzzle, finding each other and fitting perfectly. Wooyoung could tell that this is where he belonged, right here with Yeosang. He feels dumb for ever thinking he could get over Yeosang. He never wants to stop kissing Yeosang and he wants the older one close to him. He wants to keep Yeosang safe and wants the older to know how much he cares for him.
Yeosang’s hand tugs the hair on the back of Wooyoung’s neck to deepen the kiss and Wooyoung feels his heart explode in joy. To know that his feelings are returned was the greatest feeling ever and he wants to engrave this moment into his memory.
Unfortunately, both of their lungs start to burn with the need to breathe so they hesitantly pull away but their foreheads stay pressed. Their eyes stay closed as they both just take in the moment while panting. They slowly catch their breaths and Wooyoung finally opens his eyes and smiles. The tears from earlier are long gone and all he can think about is how beautiful Yeosang is.
He watches as Yeosang’s eyes slowly flutter open.
“Oh.”
Wooyoung can’t help but laugh.
“I see,” Yeosang says as he looks at Wooyoung, a pretty blush taking over his cheeks, finally seeing the way Wooyoung really looks at him.
“You’re so beautiful, Yeosang-ah,” Wooyoung says as he caresses his cheek with his thumb and the blush on the older’s face gets brighter. He looks away as he bites back the smile as he playfully shoves Wooyoung’s shoulder.
“You’re so fucking cheesy, I can’t stand you,” Yeosang says and Wooyoung is filled with so much joy, he thinks he might start crying again. He hadn’t heard Yeosang’s sass in such a long time but it tells him that everything was okay now. They were okay and they would be okay. They probably still had a lot of things to talk about but this was a start and if Wooyoung was being honest, he wouldn’t want to be taking this step with anyone other than Yeosang.
It would always be Yeosang.
They don’t end up putting a label on it that night. They don’t need to. They had been friends for so long that there was no need. It was just a silent agreement to move into being more than friends and they were content with that.
And when they step out of Yunho’s room, holding hands, their friends cheer loudly but they also know not to question anything. They just trusted both of them to have worked things out and when the time felt right, they would be there ready to celebrate whatever they wanted to call this.
For now, Wooyoung just wants to enjoy being with Yeosang.