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Violet cautiously approached ambulance 61.
She’d been walking through the apparatus doors when she’d spotted Sylvie sitting in the driver’s seat, clip board in hand, staring into space. It had been a couple of days since Severide and Kidd’s wedding. A couple of days since her friend had seen Casey. Her gloomy mood made all the sense in the world to Violet. Her heart broke for her every time she had to say goodbye to her love.
She gently opened the door to the ambulance, causing Sylvie to jump slightly in her seat before shooting Violet a tight smile.
“Hey” Sylvie greeted softly. “I thought it might feel strange being back in the ambo after being away for so long, but it feels like a never really left.” She said with a little nervous laugh.
“Well, we certainly missed having you around.” Violet replied, an involuntary shiver spiralling up her skin at the thought of Emma Jacobs and all that she put Violet through. “Has uh – has Casey left yet?” she asked, trying to keep her voice as light as possible.
Sylvie nodded, “Last night. We decided to take some time.”
Violet gulped. She knew Sylvie was finding the long distance difficult, but not to the point that she would end her relationship with the man that was undoubtably the love of her life. Anyone who knew them as individuals and as a partnership knew it to be true.
Quite simply – Matt Casey and Sylvie Brett were made for each other, and nothing could ever change that.
Sylvie cleared her throat, “It’s fine.” She tried to brush off. “I mean – it’s not fine.” She added as she looked down in her lap. “It’s actually kind of soul destroying.” She said quietly.
Violet felt an ache in her chest. She may have been dealing with her own stuff with Evan, but she was needed as a friend right now. She could deal with her own relationship issues later.
“You guys were doing so well.” Violet said, trying to encourage her, maybe make her see that their situation was not a lost cause. And they were doing well. Better than Violet could have imagined a long distance relationship going. Their love and a promised future sustained them.
“We just felt selfish holding onto a relationship when we were so far apart. We have two different lives. That’s not what a relationship should be. We should be a partnership, dealing with everything together. If we’re not doing that then it’s not something we should cling onto.” Sylvie explained.
Violet nodded her head. In the short time that she’d known both Brett and Casey, she knew how selfless they were. How circumstances of others and the happiness of others was something they always put first. How neither of them ever felt deserving enough of what they wanted.
It was hard to see and hard to accept when in her eyes, there was no one more deserving than Sylvie Brett.
“It’s just hard because—” Sylvie began again. “I don’t think I’ll ever love someone else like I love him. So to lose that… where do I go from here?” she asked with a little shrug.
Violet wished she had the words to make this situation better for Sylvie. She wished she had words other than wanting to scream at the top of her lungs that she and Casey could make this work. That they would make this work – but that wasn’t what she needed right now. She just needed an ear. That had to be enough for the moment.
“Maybe someday, right?” Sylvie said, clearly trying to find a silver lining, but Violet could tell that she didn’t mean it. The pain she was feeling glistened in her eyes.
The bells rang, signalling an end to Sylvie’s confessional. Violet watched as her partner wiped her cheeks before turning the engine on and springing into gear.
Even in her most difficult moments, Sylvie was ever the professional.
Sylvie spent the rest of the day in a bit of a daze. She was as focused as ever on calls, but around the firehouse, she kept her and her overwhelming emotions to herself.
While it felt good to talk - however briefly - to Violet that morning, she knew she had barely even scratched the surface of what she was going through. ‘Taking some time’ wasn’t even explicit enough to mean a breakup, but she hadn’t found the courage to say it outright.
She had broken up with the love of her life.
She felt lost.
Her heart was broken.
It was like a dull ache in her chest that became more pronounced when she got home and realised that she didn’t have her love to go home to – whether that be in person or over a phone. She didn’t have her best friend; her safe place, and his loss created the biggest hole in her life.
Not to mention the number of times she had habitually picked up her phone to text him something – from the mundane right through to the important – was getting embarrassing.
The day after her ghost shift, she was watching TV mindlessly, digging her way through a bowl of popcorn, crying at freaking diaper ads, when there was a heavy, persistent knock on her door.
She sighed.
She wasn’t exactly good company right now, nor did she particularly want company. Nobody deserved to be dragged down by her bad mood.
But the knocking wouldn’t stop.
“Sylvie Brett, I know you’re in there, open this door.”
Stella.
Sylvie rose to her feet and walked towards the door, her blanket wrapped tightly around her as she opened the door and watched as Stella grimaced slightly. Sylvie frowned and turned to look in the mirror beside her door, grimacing at herself when she saw her appearance. Her nose was red, her hair unruly, a piece of popcorn in her hair.
She was the picture of a rom-com heroine going through the angst period of her big love story to the man of her dreams.
But at least the women in her novels got their happily ever afters. Apparently, hers wasn’t allowed to be a reality.
“You’re supposed to be enjoying newly married bliss.” Sylvie grumbled as she turned to look at her friend.
Stella rolled her eyes, “Tried that, ended up being attacked at a cabin.”
Sylvie frowned, remembering what her friend had been through. “Are you ok?”
“I am perfectly fine. You on the other hand…” she said as she shot her a sympathetic smile.
“Did Violet tell you?”
“Severide. I don’t think Casey’s in any better shape than you by the sound of things.”
Sylvie’s heart jumped in her chest. She didn’t know whether it made her feel better that he was miserable, because it meant she wasn’t the only one, or if it made her feel worse because the man she loved was hurting.
Worse.
Definitely worse.
Sylvie groaned and turned back into her apartment, flopping down onto her sofa.
“I brought candy and wine.”
“You can add them to by break-up table.” Sylvie mumbled into her cushion as she rolled over onto her side, cocooned in her blanket.
Stella frowned, “Break-up table?”
Sylvie nodded towards her dining room table, where she had stockpiled candy, pastries, and wine.
“Ok… how about instead of eating our feelings, we talk about our feelings?” Stella softly suggested as she sat opposite Sylvie on her coffee table.
“I wouldn’t know where to start.” Sylvie whispered, fearing that if she spoke any louder, she’d just start crying. She’d been able to stand tall and put on a brave face when she needed to this past week, but now she was in her home, her safe space, and she felt like she might drown in her emotions.
“How about why you guys ended things?” Stella suggested.
“We are living two separate lives in two separate places. This isn’t how a relationship is supposed to be. It doesn’t mean that we love each other any less, it just – maybe it just means that we have to do our own thing and see where it takes us.” Sylvie reasoned, almost like she had been rehearsing her answer over and over.
But she’d tried to justify it any way she could in her head, but nothing made it better. Nothing made it feel like the right decision.
“Timing sucks.” Sylvie said with a watery laugh as she wiped her nose with a tissue.
“I’ve been thinking all day about what the right thing would be to say to you. I wondered if I shouldn’t say anything and just be there. No questions, no comments. But then I realised… if someone doesn’t say this to you, you might walk away from something so special – and as your best friend, as your sister, I can’t let you do that. Not without a fight.” Stella began.
“Stella, I’ve been fighting for a year. What more can I do? Timing sucks, I’m not meant to have my epic love, I’m not meant to have the family I’ve always wanted. The job is what I have. That’s what I have to focus on.”
“Just – let me say my piece. I will only say it once and then I will support you and whatever you want to do and feel.” Stella asked as Sylvie remained quiet and waited for her friend to continue. “Maybe your timing does suck. Maybe this isn’t how you had envisioned your relationship – a relationship that was years in the making – going. But when does life ever deal us the hand we want? Severide and I have had to deal with every shitshow under the sun and we came out better for it. Relationships aren’t easy. If it wasn’t this long distance, it would be something else.”
Sylvie shrunk into her cocoon a little at Stella’s words. She knew she was right. She wasn’t stupid. But it felt bigger than that. It felt like she had a choice – Chicago or Casey. She felt like the world was telling her she couldn’t have both. That it somehow wasn’t fair for her to have both.
“I also know…” Stella began again, fishing into Sylvie’s blanket and taking her hand. “That you think you can’t have it all. Or that you don’t deserve to have it all. The job, the love, the family. But Sylvie Brett – you beautiful, bright soul – you can and you do.”
Sylvie’s breath caught in her throat. You can and you do. Stella said it with such conviction. Nobody had ever really made sure she knew that fulfilment was possible for her.
“So don’t you dare give up finding your happiness without a fight and know that the difficulties of your relationship won’t last forever.”
Sylvie shot up to sit, letting the blanket fall off her, before engulfing her friend in a hug.
“I love you, Stella Kidd.” She whispered into her friend’s neck.
“I love you too Sylvie Brett. And because I love you, I can say this – take a shower.”
Sylvie started to laugh. Uncontrollably. All her emotions spilled out into a fit of giggles that soon spread to Stella.
“Ok. I’m going to take a shower – and then I’m going to book a flight to Oregon. There are a few things that I need to say to Matt Casey.”
She was running on adrenaline. She’d booked onto the last flight from Chicago to Portland at 8pm, which got her into Portland 12am her time, 10pm his time. By the time she got out of the airport and into a taxi and to Matt’s front door, it was after 11pm.
Suddenly her bright idea to fly here as soon as she could didn’t seem like such a bright idea. She didn’t even know if he would be here, he might be on shift.
She climbed out of the taxi and stood in front of his house. He’d recently bought it to give him and the boys a bit more space, but it was still tucked away in a wooded area. The flowers she’d started to grow when she was here were in full bloom. Gerbera Daisies. Her favourite. She’d only suggested a few patches of flowers, but Matt came home the next day with multiple packets of Gerbera Daisy seeds. He said they were as bright as her and he liked the reminder of her every time he walked out the door.
She swiped her hands on her jeans and began walking towards the porch. She didn’t get very far, however, when a voice came from the side of the house.
“Sylvie?”
Sylvie jumped a mile and turned to find Matt standing at the side gate, a watering can in hand.
She froze.
All she could do was blink.
She’d come all this way and she was lost for words. Great.
Matt cleared his throat, “I forgot to water your flowers today. Didn’t want them to die. The boys and I have been following your instructions religiously.” She said with a nervous laugh before setting the can down and taking a few steps towards her.
Sylvie gulped as she took him in. He’d let some stubble cover his face and his eyes were a little red. He also looked about as lost as she felt. She hated seeing him like this.
“What uh – what are you doing here?” he asked as he scratched the back of his neck.
Sylvie then remembered that she hadn’t actually said anything to him.
So, she said the best thing she could think of.
“I love you.”
“I know.” Matt immediately replied. “I love you too—”
“And I meant what I said on that apparatus floor a year ago.” She began again as the words came flooding to her. She’d spent so long not telling him how she felt that once the flood gates opened a year ago, she couldn’t stop. She never wanted to stop.
“We belong together. And I – I want us to be selfish. For once in our lives.” She said, her eyes glistening with tears. “We don’t have to sacrifice what makes us happy because circumstances dictate that we have to. The way we feel about each other – it’s bigger than the distance and our careers and everything in between. I’m not saying that being with you won’t be hard because I already know that it is… but I think being without you would be harder.”
The tears were freely flowing down her cheeks at this stage. She loved him, she wanted to be with him, they would do what they had to do to make this work and it was as simple as that.
“Two years of this for a lifetime together at the end. It seems like a no brainer really.” She said with an assured smile and a little laugh.
Sylvie watched as Matt blinked at her a few times, clearly too stunned for words. She supposed an ambush at 11pm would do that to a person.
She took a confident step forward. “You made a grand gesture for me when you chased after me outside of Molly’s to tell me that you loved me. So, this is me making my grand gesture. This is me asking you to fight for a forever with me. What do you say?”
Matt didn’t hesitate for another second before he stepped forward and captured her lips in his, his arms engulfing her in his hold. They moulded together like they’d never been apart, and it felt incredible. It felt like coming home.
Matt smiled against her lips before trailing his along her cheek, causing her to grin back, “I love you; I love you; I love you.” He whispered causing her to sink into his hold further. They stood like that for a few more moments before Matt lifted his head. She could already see the tension had lifted from his face.
“A lifetime together, huh?” he questioned with a lopsided grin
Sylvie grinned and nodded her head, “Yep. You have absolutely no choice in the matter.”
“Yes ma’am… what does this lifetime together involve?”
“Hmm…” she pondered for a moment. “Good morning and good night kisses.”
“A promising start, go on…”
“Maybe a whole garden full of gerbera daisies.”
“Just don’t ask Ben to be in charge of keeping them alive, they’ll die within a week.”
Sylvie giggled, “Noted. Maybe uh… maybe a little blonde-haired blue-eyed baby. Or two.”
“What about three?” Matt immediately asked, the idea lighting his eyes up beyond belief.
“Deal.”
“That all sounds like quite the lifetime. I’d take anything you had to offer me Sylvie Brett. You’re pretty damn special, you know that right?” he asked, as if the answer were obvious.
Sylvie smiled. She remembered Stella’s words to her earlier in the day. She was a beautiful, bright soul who deserved to feel fulfilled. Sylvie was finally starting to believe that she was special and that she was deserving – and she promised herself to never forget it.