Chapter Text
Part 1 - Age 10
It’s a beautiful day in the Outer Banks. The sun shines brightly overhead and a gentle breeze promises a solid summer day filled with swimming, surfing the waves, laughing with her friends, and all around good times. The Pogues have been desperately waiting for a day like today. The weather last week was terrible, with a constant threat of rain and thunderstorms - enough for Kiara’s parents to forbid her to even touch one toe on the beach.
But today. Finally, today is the day.
Today is the perfect day and they're going to hit the beach together, like they've been dying to do all week.
And Kiara is pissed.
She sees the potential of today floating out the window like the wispy clouds disappearing overhead as she flips over and plops her butt down on the dirt path. The ground is warm underneath her, and she can’t help the two tears that escape and run down her face. After sending a fierce glare at the reason for her dramatic stop, she looks up and sees the tail end of John B’s brightly patterned shirt disappear around the bend to their secret beach.
Of course, she thinks sourly, rolling her eyes. Typical boys. They don’t even notice that she’s not behind them anymore.
She can see the stupid tree root that she just tripped over lying innocently a few feet away, as though it isn’t about to ruin her entire day.
Kiara had been too preoccupied with keeping up with JJ as he blabbed on and on about how good he’s gotten at surfing this summer (because of course his dad doesn’t care if he comes to the beach when the weather is bad). They’ve walked this path a billion times over, so she hadn’t really been watching where she was going, but apparently the recent rain had washed away some of the dirt, baring the stupid bane of her existence. Her stupid foot got caught underneath the stupid tree root and her stupid ankle had twisted painfully and down she went.
Her things lie sprawled around her, the cooler filled with snacks and drinks tipped on its side with her carefully packed sandwiches spilled onto the sand. Kiara bites at her lip when she sees them all over the ground because she’d purposely made enough for the boys to each have at least two - mainly JJ, but the others too so he didn’t feel weird about it. And now he won’t be able to have any.
She knows that the Maybanks don't have a lot of money. And JJ would never say anything, but she can tell that sometimes he doesn't bring enough to eat at lunch. She started packing extra snacks years ago, and will wordlessly put them out for everyone, so he doesn't think they're just for him and act weird about it.
She sniffles, resolving to salvage at least some of them. Maybe they aren’t too dirty, and JJ’s hardly picky. She’s seen him pick off mould from a piece of bread and then eat it, so a little sand probably won’t even faze him. As she pushes herself to her hands and knees, there’s a blindingly hot pain from her right ankle and she can’t help the distressed cry that escapes her.
Her ankle throbs in time with her heartbeat, heat pulsing painfully and she manouvers herself so her leg is in front of her and she can inspect the damage. It looks… not good. It’s kinda turning a purpley colour already. Pope would know better than her, but it really hurts. Like, really, really hurts. She thinks it might be broken or at least sprained or something.
Sniffling, she pushes back the tears that threaten to fall, because she needs to collect all her stuff and catch up to the boys somehow, and she won’t be able to do that if she’s sitting here crying like a baby. She manages to get herself onto her hands and knees and kind of drags herself to her fallen cooler and snacks. And maybe a few tears leak out by accident, but that’s all.
She’s so focused on what she’s doing, intently brushing off any specks of dirt and reassembling the sandwiches while ignoring the throbbing pain in her ankle, that JJ’s practically on top of her before she notices him.
“Kie! Yo, Kie, what are you-” she glances sharply up at him, and his face immediately falls as he finishes his sentence, “doing… What the hell happened dude?”
Good God. Of all the boys, it’s JJ. Of course. Because things aren’t bad enough.
Okay, she loves JJ. She really does. He’s her best friend, and he’s pretty funny, and he actually is a really good surfer (although she’ll never tell him that). He’s always coming up with crazy plans and ideas, and there’s never a dull moment when he’s around.
But also he can be kind of careless and he isn’t known for his patience or whatever, and he can’t sit still. And while he always hugs John B and Pope, he’s like, less affectionate with her for some reason that she tries hard not to let bother her because she’s pretty sure it’s just one of his JJ things.
Anyways. If she was going to hope for one of the boys to come back and find her crying in the dirt, trying to put her spilled sandwiches back together, while dealing with an ankle that likely needs medical attention, well… it wouldn’t be JJ.
Kiara sighs, looking back at her sad collection of snacks. “I fell.”
“Uh, yeah, I can see that,” JJ says dryly and she rolls her eyes and sighs. Why did it have to be JJ? He tucks his hands into the pockets of his swim trunks and shifts his weight awkwardly. “Are you okay?”
She shrugs. “I dunno. I hurt my ankle. And spilled all the snacks.” She sniffles again, wiping harshly at her face, eyes fixed on the ground.
Pull it together, Kiara, she tells herself sternly. You’re fine. You’re gonna be fine.
JJ squats down beside her, close but not too close, and peers down at her ankle. He lets out a heavy breath and reaches out a hand towards her leg. His index finger traces lightly down her shin and towards her ankle and she barely breathes, tension ricocheting through her entire body.
It doesn’t hurt when his finger runs over her ankle, but her stomach does a weird little flutter.
He curses softly under his breath and she looks sharply up at him.
“What? Is it bad? Is it broken?” Her voice sounds panicky and high, the words too fast, too close together. “JJ, what?”
His eyes are incredibly blue when he looks over at her, like, bluer than normal. It startles her out of her panic a little bit. Not that Kiara spends any amount of time thinking about JJ’s eyes, they’re just a very nice shade of blue that reminds her of the ocean on a sunny day.
Okay, she may be panicking a little bit now because what is her brain even doing right now?
JJ pulls his hand away and she stares at him with wide eyes, emotion welling in her chest as he shrugs. She’s definitely hurt her ankle and there’s no way she’s going to get to hit the waves with the boys today, and the thought of waiting on the beach by herself while they all have a blast together out in the water without her makes tears spring to her eyes again.
“Whoa, hey, Kie, I don’t think it’s broken dude,” JJ says quickly, alarm rising in his eyes as Kiara fights back miserable, frustrated tears. “Maybe twisted or some shit, I dunno. You’re gonna be okay.” He reaches out a hand and awkwardly pats her on the shoulder.
“I can’t surf with a twisted ankle,” Kiara moans.
JJ frowns at her. “That’s what you’re worried about?”
“Today was supposed to be perfect and now I can’t even walk, let alone surf. And all the sandwiches…” Kiara lets her words trail off, throwing an annoyed hand towards the food.
JJ’s eyes follow her gesture before returning to her own. “Kie, it’s just food. And we can surf any day. You should probably get your ankle checked out or somethin’.”
Kiara grimaces. She hates going to the doctor. Ever since she was little she’s always had this thing about them. They never really listen to what you’re telling them and then they suggest you try medicine that makes you feel worse or just that things will get better on their own.
Yeah right.
Things got better when she actually made some friends after they moved to Kildare and she didn’t feel like the weird new kid who nobody liked. Her mom and dad had been so relieved when she eventually came home from school talking about a boy in her class who invited her to sit with him at lunch.
Of course, when they found out who her new friend was they were less thrilled, but they weren’t about to tell her that she couldn’t hang out with John B Routledge. Everyone on Kildare loved John B, with his easy going nature and genuine kindness.
And with him came his friends Pope and JJ, who were both a bit more hesitant to include her in their little close knit group. But she was determined that they would be her friends, and John B kept inviting her around, so they just had to suck it up and accept that she was there to stay. Pope got all weird and nervous at first and JJ was downright rude, but they eventually warmed to her and now they’re so super tight that they’re like their own little family.
Then it occurs to her that it’s just JJ here, currently frowning at her, and Pope and John B haven’t trailed along behind him. Why is JJ the only one here?
“Where’s JB and Pope?” she asks him, sniffling a bit still. JJ is not the Pogue who she would ever expect to notice that she hadn’t been keeping up with the rest of them. He’s kinda like a puppy and his brain bounces from one idea to the next at the speed of light. He can sometimes be strangely observant about the oddest things, though.
JJ shrugs. “I dunno. I looked behind me and you weren’t there so I just turned around and came back. I guess they didn’t, uh, notice.” He looks distinctly uncomfortable. Whether it’s at the thought of her being upset that John B and Pope didn’t realize that she’d fallen behind or whether it’s the fact that it was him who had noticed, she’s not sure. JJ is an extremely hard to read person.
Kiara mulls on this for a moment. Her emotions are all over the place, but she figures that she should be grateful that JJ came back for her, because there’s no way she would be able to make it to the beach on her own. Even if he hasn’t really been much help.
“Help me up, JJ.” She holds out her hands, lifting her chin defiantly. “We’re going to the beach.”
“But Kie, your ankle-”
It’s kind of funny that JJ is the one who’s concerned about her ankle and not her. JJ is never concerned about anything serious. She remembers one time he showed up at school with the most intense black eye she’d ever seen and he completely brushed it off like it was nothing. He just joked it off as though she was the weird one for thinking that he needed to go to a doctor or whatever.
So seeing him frowning at her, with his eyebrows all furrowed is strange. He’s waiting, though she isn’t sure for what. She’s not gonna change her mind.
“Ugh, forget it JJ. I’ll just get up on my own then,” she grumbles, pushing herself onto her knees and then stepping onto her good foot. “Why’d you bother coming back to check on me if you aren’t actually gonna help me?”
And maybe there’s a tinge more anger in her voice than she meant, because she can hear him suck in a breath above her.
“Fine then, Kiara,” he says. “Hurt yourself even more. Whatever. I don’t care.”
She looks up to see he’s backed away, arms crossed and a dark look on his face. He’s glaring at the ground and he doesn’t make a move towards her even as she struggles to balance on her one good foot. Plus, he just called her Kiara, which is her name, but like… JJ doesn’t call her that.
Well, fine then. She doesn’t need his stupid help anyways. She’ll just pick up her stuff and hop to the beach and then everything will be great.
“Holy shit,” JJ bursts out loudly as she hobbles over to her bag. “You are so freaking stubborn.”
“I am not!”
“You are. Your ankle looks like a freaking purple balloon.” His eyes flash. “Get a grip! The beach is gonna be there every day, Kie.”
She ignores him, just keeps hopping forward and then attempts to bend down while balancing on one foot to collect her stuff from the ground. Good thing she practices yoga, she thinks, even as she wobbles slightly and throws out her arms to catch her balance.
In a flash JJ’s there beside her, wrapping an arm tight around her waist and ducking under her outstretched arm to support her. “God, if you’re just gonna hobble along like that you’re gonna hurt yourself even more.”
“I’m-”
“If you say fine I’m going to say something that’s not very nice,” JJ says, cutting her off. She whips her head to glare at him and he gives her ankle a pointed look.
“Okay. I’m not fine,” she allows. “But I can hang at the beach and then after that I promise I’ll get it checked out if it’s still bothering me.”
She feels more than hears him grumble a reluctant acceptance. He slings her bag over his free shoulder and they slowly make their way back down the trail towards the beach. Part of her is still confused because it’s JJ and he habitually doesn't care about anything. Ever. Not his own personal safety, not school or homework or being late for things or-
Well. He does care about the Pogues, she thinks.
In his own way.
Like, one time she made them all friendship bracelets last summer and JJ had asked her how she made them. Which was a bit strange, but she showed him anyway because she thought it might be good for him since he always needed to keep his hands busy. Maybe he’d get into less trouble if he wasn’t constantly looking for it.
Then a few days later he’d shown up acting kinda weird, like weirder than normal JJ weird, and had shoved a small bundle into her hand, refusing to make eye contact with her.
“Here,” he said in a gruff voice.
“What’s this?”
“Just, I ah… I tried that thing you showed me. The bracelet thing.” Her eyes wide, she’d glanced down at her hand and back up at him. “They’re probably not good,” he’d quickly added, as though he was embarrassed or something. “Sorry. I’ll just take them back.”
He’d reached for the package in her hands, but she snatched them away before he could grab them. “Uh, no way. You made these?” The ‘for me’ goes unspoken because he hates when she says emotional things to him. Or even around him. She learned to keep her cool around JJ if she wanted him to accept her as a Pogue years ago. Even if the idea of JJ making these terrible bracelets for her made her chest swell a bit, she forced that feeling down.
“It’s not a big deal, I was just messing around and thought you might like ‘em. Better than tossing them in the trash.”
He looked so distinctly uncomfortable that she thought he was maybe wishing that he had thrown them in the trash. When she peered down at what he’d given her, she found a tangle of threads that vaguely resembled the bracelet pattern she’d shown him. The colours didn’t quite complement each other and the knots were loose in some places and too tight in others giving the whole thing a kind of wobbly appearance, but when she looked back up at him and saw the look on his face, she smiled encouragingly at him.
“They’re great JJ. Thank you.”
He rolled his eyes. “They’re not great, Kie. They’re shit. But maybe I’ll keep practicin’.”
Yeah, JJ cares about the Pogues, she thinks.
The memory makes her smile.
Until JJ moves too fast and she stumbles and steps on her bad ankle, letting out a pained groan.
“Ow! JJ! Watch where you’re going.”
“Kie, c’mon. This is ridiculous,” he mutters. “I’m basically carrying you.”
“You are not, you big baby. We’re almost there anyway.” She straightens, leaning a bit more into his side to get balanced.
He shakes his head. “I still don’t get why you’re insisting on going to the beach instead of a doctor,” he says, darting a glance over to her. “Or calling your parents.”
She can’t believe that JJ of all people wants her to call her parents. As a rule, he doesn't trust most adults and she's pretty sure if it was his ankle that was all messed up he wouldn't be going to the doctor either.
“I hate doctors. I already told you.” He rolls his eyes, as though he can tell that she’s not telling him the entire truth. JJ is sometimes too perceptive for his own good. She adds almost as an afterthought, “and my mom’s gonna be pissed when she finds out. There’s some fancy Kook party this weekend that she’s insisting that I go to and if I can’t walk or heaven forbid dance she’s gonna lose it. So just let me have this one day, okay?”
He’s silent for a moment, and she regrets bringing up anything Kook related. JJ always gets weird, as though he forgets that her parents are Kooks until she reminds him.
Which she actually likes because it kinda makes her feel like a real Pogue. Of course, she is a real Pogue, but like… sometimes she doesn’t feel like she 100% belongs in one world or the other. In her heart she knows that the boys are where she fits, and she has ever since their little group first met. But there are so many people in her life that want to pull her in different directions - her parents, her grandmother, even other kids at school.
But JJ, once he accepted that she was there to stay, has never doubted that she belonged with them.
As they approach the crest at the top of the trail that lets out at the beach, they nearly collide with Pope and John B who are heading back towards them.
“Whoa! There you guys are!” John B exclaims, eyes wide.
“What’s wrong?” Pope eyes them both seriously, his eyes flicking to JJ’s hand on her waist for some reason. “Are you hurt?”
“Kie fell and twisted her ankle,” JJ says abruptly. He still has his arm around her, helping to support her weight and she’s kinda glad because the whole hopping to the beach thing was actually super tiring.
Pope’s eyes drop to her ankle. “Do you need to go to the doctor?”
“Oh shoot, that looks pretty bad, Kie.” John B looks at her worriedly. “Is it broken?”
“It’s fine,” she assures them. “I’ll go after. Let’s stay.”
John B shrugs, unconcerned, and jogs away. She can see the pile of discarded shoes and shirts, along with her surfboard, which she’d made Pope carry for her since she had all the snacks. They were all going to take turns on it because JJ’s board needed fixing up. She doesn’t know what happened to it and he’d clammed up right when she’d asked so she didn’t push it.
Pope frowns at her, bending down to look more closely at her ankle. “I don’t think it’s broken because I can’t see any bone pushing your skin. But it’s definitely twisted or sprained or it could be a hairline fracture, and those are sometimes worse than a clean break.”
Kiara’s stomach flips uncomfortably. She doesn’t want to have a fractured ankle. Or a broken one. Or anything. She can see the rest of her summer plans fading away from her, like water swirling down the drain. Her chest deflates because the boys may love her, but they’re not gonna want her hobbling along behind them all summer, slowing them down. She’s gonna be stuck at home with her mom hovering over her, or setting up lunch dates with other Kook kids that she has nothing in common with. It will be a torture she won’t be able to escape from.
“Shut up Pope,” JJ growls, sending Kiara a sideways glance, as though he can feel her mood souring. “You’re not a doctor.”
“I’m just trying to help!”
“Well don’t,” JJ snarks, suddenly agreeing with her whole plan. “It’s all good. She’s gonna go to the doctor when we’re done, okay?”
Pope doesn’t look particularly enthused by this decision, but both JJ and Kiara stare at him, not backing down. “Fine, fine.” He holds up both hands in acceptance.
Kiara hears him muttering to himself as he turns and follows John B back to their spot. She’s pretty sure he says something about not blaming him when she can’t walk properly ever again, which she promptly ignores because what does he even know?
“Pope doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” JJ says, unknowingly echoing her thoughts as they slowly start to trail after their friends. It’s much harder to hop on one foot in the sand, and she’s quickly sweaty and out of breath. “He’s just read too many creepy doctor books.”
“Yeah,” Kiara agrees. Deep down she’s maybe a bit more worried than before, but her ankle is kind of hurting less now anyways, which is probably a good sign. Maybe there’s some ice left in her cooler that she can put on it when they sit down.
John B’s laid out a towel for her to sit on and she carefully lowers herself down onto it. JJ throws himself down beside her, kicking up a cloud of sand and John B shoves at his shoulder. Pope’s still got a frowny look on his face, but she insists they are all going to have a great day. They all linger for a moment until she snaps at them to act normally, because she doesn’t need three boys hovering over her just because she has a sore ankle. John B and Pope take off for the water after that, leaving her and JJ sitting side by side on the warm sand.
JJ doesn’t make any move to join JB and Pope splashing through the waves right away, and she would harass him about it too, but his presence doesn’t come off as hovering so it doesn’t irritate her like the others had. In fact, JJ sits pretty still for once in his life, with only the odd glance over at her as she digs through the cooler in search of any remaining ice packs.
“Maybe it’s for the best,” JJ says quietly, and she glances over at him, a question in her eyes. “Y’know. The twisted ankle thing.”
“What do you mean?” There’s a cold ice pack in the bottom of her cooler bag and she cheers as she pulls it out.
He shrugs, arms braced on his knees. His eyes are fixed out on the surf, where John B and Pope barrel into the waves, John B with her surfboard in hand. She’s still kinda shocked that JJ’s not out there with him. He’s usually the first one of them into the water and the last one out. She hisses a bit as she lays the ice pack on her ankle, and JJ glances over at her.
“Well you don’t wanna go to that Kook thing, right? So now you won’t have to go.”
Hm.
That’s one way to look at it. And it’s a way that won’t lead to a fight with her mom about it. Hopefully.
“Yeah. Maybe you’re right,” she says slowly, a tiny smile growing on her face. “Thanks, JJ.”
She doesn’t think about the hours that she’ll be stuck at home instead of outside with her friends, because today is going to be a good day, no matter what. Especially if it’s the last one she’s gonna get for a while.
He nudges her shoulder with his. “Are one of those for me?” He nods towards her cooler bag where the sandwiches she made are peeking out. She’s glad she decided to save them after dropping them in the dirt.
“Yeah. I mean, they fell on the ground, but they were for you. And the others,” she adds.
“Sweet!” He grabs for one and tears into it, grinning at her with a mouth full of food and she shoves him, laughing.
She knew he wouldn’t care that they fell on the ground.
When he’s done he pushes himself to his feet and she watches him tear off towards the water, whooping and hollering. He grabs her surfboard from John B and paddles out into the waves.
John B eventually comes in and asks if she wants to go in the water. It’s desperately hot and so she takes him up on his offer to help her, even though she hates asking for help. JJ and Pope cheer when she makes it into the waves and the cool water actually feels amazing on her ankle. They go out deep enough that she can pull herself to float on her surfboard, all of them joking and splashing at each other.
It’s the best day. It’s maybe not exactly what she was picturing with her hurt ankle and the tears and everything, but these moments, being in the water with her best friends with no one telling them what to do, are her favourites. They can just be and this is one of the only places she ever feels like that anymore.
John B with his shaggy hair dripping everywhere, but his eyes bright as he tells them about his dad’s newest discovery. Pope explaining why their fingers and toes turn pruny after being in the water for so long, his hands moving wildly around like they always do when he’s really into what he’s talking about.
And JJ.
His long arm slung over the surfboard, head thrown back in laughter as he regales them with an outrageous story about one of his cousins that she’s 99% sure isn’t true.
Her boys. The Pogues. Her family.
It’s not until the sun is inching its way closer to the horizon that any of them mention heading back.
They stagger out of the water, Pope carrying the board and JJ hauling her along with him up onto the sand. He’s not particularly gentle about it, and she nearly falls on her face at one point, which causes them to snipe at each other as they dry off and pack up all their stuff.
JJ piggybacks her home, her arms wrapped tight around his neck and his hands snug around her legs. It’s much easier than hobbling side by side, and she also kinda likes being able to rest her cheek against his back. Because he’s warm and she’s tired and kinda chilly from being in the water all day.
He carries her down the road and all the way back to the Chateau, where he plunks her unceremoniously on the back porch stairs. He makes a big show of shaking out his arms, as though he’s been through some sort of big ordeal. John B heads inside to shower first and Pope grabs his bike from the backyard and heads off with a wave.
“Will you shut up,” she growls at JJ, crossing her arms over her chest as he continues to be dramatic. “I am not that heavy.”
JJ doesn’t answer because at that moment headlights pierce the dimness of the early evening and Kiara’s dad’s truck appears in the driveway of the Chateau.
She is suddenly gloriously and ridiculously thankful that her dad came to get her and not her mom. She can imagine the dramatics now, if her mom came to pick her up here and discovered she’d injured herself. Her mom would definitely think it was the boys’ fault that she got hurt, and not her own for not watching where she was going.
Her dad climbs out of the truck and strides over to her and JJ, his hands tucked in his pockets. JJ straightens, his shoulders pushed back, chest puffed out.
“Kie! Let’s go,” her dad calls, then frowns when she pushes herself up on one leg.
“Evening Mr Carrera,” JJ says brightly with a little wave.
Kiara rolls her eyes. JJ is constantly trying to suck up to her dad. Probably for free food, she figures, because he’s always bugging her to bring them food from The Wreck too.
“Kiara, what on earth happened?” Her dad’s voice booms through the backyard as he rushes closer, worry painted on his face. His eyes flick over to JJ, who’s backed up a couple steps at the change of tone in her dad’s voice.
“I’m fine, Dad. I fell and twisted my ankle on the way to the beach,” she explains.
“On the way to the beach? Kie, that must have been hours ago. Why didn’t you call?” Her dad’s gaze flickers between Kiara and JJ before zeroing in on her injured ankle. “We need to get that checked out, hon.”
“Yeah, I know.” Kiara nods, but her voice wavers a bit at the concern in his voice. “I just wanted one good day at the beach with my friends.”
Her dad purses his lips, but doesn’t otherwise comment. “Let’s go, Kiara,” he repeats, bending to grab her cooler bag and slinging her surfboard under his other arm. “We’ll talk about this at home.” To JJ, he says, “can you help her to the car?”
JJ’s been standing silently behind her this whole time but pipes up when her dad addresses him. “Oh, uh, sure,” JJ stammers.
Kiara’s never been sure how JJ feels about her parents - whether he thinks they’re stuck up or intimidating or what. She thinks that he doesn’t like how much they try to control her life, but maybe that’s just because they’re so drastically different from his dad. Not that she’s ever really met Luke Maybank before.
All she knows about JJ's dad is what she's picked up from offhand comments. They never go to JJ's house to hang out and his dad has never shown up for any school event, so she has yet to meet him in person. It makes her kinda sad, because shouldn't parents support their kid? But JJ seems like he couldn't care less.
It kinda worries her though, the situation at JJ's house. She wishes she could do more but JJ is too proud to ever ask for help. He can barely accept her help when she forces him to do his homework with her.
So instead she just fills her lunch bag with extras and insists that she'll bring the beach day snacks.
JJ wraps his arm around her once more and helps her hobble to her dad’s truck. She heaves herself into the passenger seat and then JJ shuts the door and steps back. “Bye JJ,” she calls through the open window with a little wave. “See you soon.”
He waves back as they pull out of the driveway, his figure getting smaller and smaller. Her ankle may be super sore, but her heart is full just like she’d been dreaming about this morning.