Archive of Our Own

“Are you… comfortable?” 

Toge blinks, staring up at the ceiling. He’s never been more wide awake in his life. Yuuta’s hand weighs heavy in his, sagging between their mattresses and brushing the hardwood floor beneath them. 

Of course he’s not comfortable. 

He won’t tell Yuuta that, though. It took so long for them to get settled in this position that it’s simply not worth it to move now, even if it means Toge will have to sleep on his back all night instead of on his stomach like he’d prefer. 

“I’m really sorry about this,” Yuuta repeats.

Toge rattles out a breath, making a point of being loud enough for Yuuta to hear. This is probably the fifteenth time he’s apologized since this afternoon, and Toge is getting really tired of hearing it. This wasn’t Yuuta’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. There was nothing to be sorry for. 

But Toge can hear Yuuta’s worry right through the silence. He’s holding his breath and his hand has gone clammy. He won’t be able to relax until he knows his apology has been acknowledged. Toge won’t risk a word right now, since he’s already taken off his muff for the night, so instead he tightens his fingers and gives Yuuta’s hand a firm squeeze. He releases slowly, feeling twitching muscles beneath his touch finally go still. 

When Toge looks over to make sure his attempt at assurance has worked, he’s surprised to find that Yuuta’s eyes have already drifted shut. His lips are gently parted and his face has turned serene. The only movement to him is the steady rise and fall of his chest, cradling Rika’s promise on a long silver chain between his ribs as they expand and contract. A breathy, gasping snore escapes his throat. 

No way, Toge thinks. He’s really asleep? 

Well. At least one of them will get some rest tonight, then. Yuuta did a lot of the heavy lifting on the mission today, so he’s certainly earned the rest. Toge is happy to let him have it. With Yuuta asleep, he can stop pretending that he’s not panicking. Every thought he’s been pushing back against today comes rushing in all at once, finally breaking the barricade. 

This just isn’t natural.

Yuuta’s hand is warm, like a little furnace sweating in Toge’s palm. Being attached to him like this feels like holding in a scream. Toge gets a new urge to snatch his hand back every other second. His fingers tingle. There’s a strain all the way up his arm to his neck. His brain snags. The two of them touching like this- touching anyone at all like this- Toge can barely comprehend it. 

It’s strange to fall asleep holding hands. 

Gojo said the effects of the curse would last for three days max. 

Yuuta made the mistake of believing him, and diligently set a seventy-two hour timer on his phone. Toge doesn’t have the heart to tell him that Gojo doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about, and likely only said that as a means of keeping everyone calm while he went looking for a solution. Yuuta hasn’t been around long enough to know any better, which is probably a good thing. If he knew the truth- that both Toge and Gojo have never seen anything even remotely like this before despite having years of sorcery under their belts- he’ll likely freak out. 

Toge probably owes Gojo a thank you for that. Being tethered to Yuuta was bad enough, but being tethered to a spiraling Yuuta would be next to impossible. If he catches even the faintest whiff that this could be more permanent than Gojo is letting on, it’ll be bad for them both. 

Whatever poison they’d been misted with in the last moments of their fight yesterday has had a terrible effect on them both. So far, it seemed that there was only one way to overcome it-

By touch. 

For whatever reason, the curse becomes dormant the second the two of them make contact. It doesn’t matter how or where. As long as they’re connected, skin-to-skin, Yuuta and Toge are safe from its potent sting. 

It’s not a great solution, but it’s something. At the very least, they’d managed to kill the main body of the curse, so Gojo was right about one thing: one way or another, the effects of it will have to wear off eventually. There’s just no telling when that might be. A “give it seventy-two hours,” from Gojo really just meant, “give it seventy-two hours before you panic.”

“One-thirds done,” Yuuta reports. He’s still sitting on the edge of his bed. Maki and Panda had helped drag it in last night when they got in, pulling Toge’s off the frame and down to the floor to make the connection easier while they slept. Their hands dangle across the gap between their mattresses as Toge searches for the will to get up. “I don’t think I can manage in this shirt for another day. Do you mind?”

His eyes flicker to the meager pile of possessions Yuuta brought in with him last night. It’s mostly just clothes, but a stick of deodorant sits on top of it. Toge’s nose scrunches. Yuuta was going to need both hands for this.

“Shake,” he affirms, hoisting himself up. Yuuta’s whole face lights up. 

“Awesome,” he beams.  

It’s an awkward dance, shuffling between the mattresses and gathering clothes to change into, but somehow they manage. Toge decides to bite the bullet and go first, not bothering to stop and explain before he starts shrugging out of the white shirt he’s been wearing beneath his uniform. It was kind of gross, now that he realized it, that they hadn’t done this last night when they returned from the mission. They’d been so distracted they hadn’t even thought to change into fresh clothes. 

“Oh!” Yuuta realizes, adjusting to Toge’s sudden movement. “Here, I’ll just-” 

He lays his hand against the newly exposed skin above Toge’s hip bone. Once he’s sure of his grip, he slides his other hand out of Toge’s and rests it on the other side in the same spot.

“Is that okay?” he asks. Toge nods quickly before taking shelter beneath the folds of his t-shirt as he tugs it over his head. This is so embarrassing. He’s never felt more exposed in his life. Why is Yuuta touching him like that- cupping Toge’s hips in his palms like he’s holding him steady or something? As if Toge needs support, just to put on a fucking shirt.  

He dashes to grab the spare shirt on his bed, wishing desperately that it was one of the massively oversized crewnecks he thrifted instead of just a simple t-shirt. He wants to hide himself away until all this is over, but it’s more tactical for them to leave skin exposed in case they need to make a quick adjustment. He quickly pulls it on, the hem spilling over Yuuta’s hands and molding to their shape. Yuuta makes a pinched face as soon as the action is completed, making no effort to pull his hands away.

“How should we- how do you wanna–” 

Toge puts him out of his misery by sliding one of his own hands beneath Yuuta’s shirt, mirroring his gesture. 

“Oh, okay.” Flustered, he removes himself from Toge, making quick work of his own shirt. Toge stares straight ahead, eyes connecting with Rika’s ring as it dangles on against Yuuta’s bare chest. Something about this feels off, almost unbalanced. 

After a moment of hesitation, Toge adds the second hand. It’s just as Yuuta was touching him before, so it shouldn’t be too weird. Right? It certainly doesn’t feel strange. It feels safe. When he looks up at Yuuta, there’s a little smirk on his face. Hopefully it’s genuine, and not an awkward coping mechanism. Toge would hate to overstep. 

Just as Yuuta is reaching for his fresh shirt, the door kicks open. 

“Idiots,” Maki scoffs. As she rakes her eyes over the situation, Toge feels his face get hot. He can’t bear to meet her gaze while the two of them are on display like this. He tries to avoid her by looking straight ahead, but that just puts his eyes directly onto Yuuta’s collarbone, which seems about a hundred times worse. “I chased Hakari and Kirara off the couch for you,” she tells them. “It’s yours for the day.” 

Yuuta frowns, the piece of cloth between his palms suddenly forgotten. Put your fucking shirt on already, Toge thinks. This is embarrassing enough already. 

“The couch?” he asks, eyebrows knitting. “We’re not training today?” 

“How the hell would that work?” Maki berates. “Sorry. You’re just gonna have to sit it out until this gets resolved.” 

Shirt, Toge fixates. Put it on. Put the shirt on. 

“Sit it out?” Yuuta repeats, crestfallen. Toge feels for him- he knows how seriously Yuuta is taking his progression as a sorcerer. It’s not like one day of rest will set him back, but Yuuta has never been good at taking time off. A whole day of being stuck inside and glued to Toge when he could be training is sure to make him restless. Toge wishes there was something he could do to make this easier on him. 

But also… if Yuuta could just put his fucking shirt on so Toge doesn’t have to keep staring at his bare chest and his massive, fully-exposed shoulders, that would be wonderful. Toge’s hands are still clutching Yuuta’s hips and it’s weird. Even weirder with Maki’s eyes casting their heavy judgment on them. 

“Surely there’s something we can do,” Yuuta suggests gently. 

“You could get fucking decent, how ‘bout that?” Maki says roughly, eyeing the neglected t-shirt in Yuuta’s hand with an unamused expression. 

Thank you, Toge wants to say. He wishes he could kiss her hand for that. 

Yuuta gets the message quickly, his shoulders jumping upwards as he rushes to pull his shirt over his head and get his arms through the sleeves. Maki takes the opportunity to turn on her heels and walk out before Yuuta can argue with her any longer. 

“Let’s just see how today goes,” she calls from the hallway. “We’ll reassess tomorrow.”  

Getting ready involves a lot of strange groping and eye-closing. Between their various fumblings to get clean clothes and teeth brushed, the whole affair takes about ten times longer than it normally would. The day has only just begun, and Toge can feel his battery starting to drain. All he wants to do is lock himself in a room or sit in the back corner of their classroom with his muff pulled up a couple inches too high. He wants to be yards away from another person. He wants to be able to growl at them if they come too close. 

But that’s not his reality today. Instead, they're on the grayish loveseat in the common room, staring at a blank TV and touching hands. Everyone’s in class or dispatched on a mission, so it’s just the two of them, but Toge has never felt further from alone in his life. He’s not really used to this. He’s always been independent- isolated, even. He’s not really sure what to do with his new, peppy shadow. The angsty Yuuta that arrived on campus a few months ago has softened considerably. Now that he has friends, he seems happy all the time. 

“I can’t remember the last time I held hands with someone,” Yuuta whispers, finally cutting through the silence. 

Toge looks down at their hands, fingers interlaced. Yesterday, when this all started, Yuuta had been so flustered by it all that Toge had to take matters into his own hands- literally. He wrapped his fingers firmly around Yuuta’s wrist and dragged him from place to place as they finished off the curse and got themselves to safety. That was before all the adrenaline wore off, though. His brain was still in survival mode- quick and tactical and unafraid to be bold about things. Toge the sorcerer was in complete command of the situation. Toge the person… less so. 

Once they’d gotten back to campus, Toge was suddenly very aware of the placement of his hands. Everything about him went stiff in an instant. He stared down at their touching skin with wide eyes, unable to think about anything else. With their lives out of danger, he had no idea how to keep their connection going. Luckily, some of his early confidence seemed to rub off on Yuuta. He slid his hand effortlessly into Toge’s, all of his initial uneasiness tempered. 

“Rika?” he ventures. “Or my little sister, maybe. Not that she’d have enjoyed it very much.”

Toge quirks an eyebrow at him. Is he enjoying this? 

No, of course not. He wants to be out sparring, not sitting on a couch with Toge. He couldn’t possibly be happy about this situation, not when it’s holding back his progress. The smile plastered across his face- that’s just his face. Yuuta is always smiling when he’s not supposed to be, just another manifestation of his nervousness. It had nothing to do with Toge. 

“You know, we don’t have to hold hands,” he suggests gently. “If you don’t like it.” 

Of course i don’t like it, Toge thinks. But how does Yuuta know that? Toge is usually able to keep a pretty even expression. When he has his muff on especially, it’s rare that anyone can figure out what he’s really thinking underneath it. So how had Yuuta figured it out? 

“I could…” Yuuta calculates, slowly eyeing Toge’s form. As his gaze travels down Toge, ending on the bottom hem of his gym shorts, Toge has to stop himself from shivering. He’s not used to being looked at like that. “I could put my hand on your knee?” 

After a moment of careful consideration, Toge nods slowly. Maybe it would put him at ease to have both his hands free for a little while. And it was just a knee. How different could it be? It’s no more intimate than holding hands. 

Yuuta scooches a little closer and guides both their hands down Toge’s leg. It’s clumsy, trying to get his hand hitched on Toge’s knee before he pulls his own away, but they manage. The endeavor is successful, and now Yuuta’s hand is gripped firmly around Toge’s kneecap. 

“Is that okay?” Yuuta asks, just as Toge is thinking: his hands are so big. 

The calluses on Yuuta’s fingers, already forming after just a few months of sword-wielding, rub against the sensitive patch of skin beneath Toge’s knee. Toge’s never thought to be self-conscious of something like this before, but suddenly he realizes his knee looks so small in Yuuta’s grasp. It’s no secret that Yuuta has been going through something of a growth spurt since he arrived at Jujutsu Tech, spurred on by the sudden influx of cursed energy that started flowing into his body after he dispelled Rika, but it’s never been as apparent to Toge as it is in this moment. 

Yuuta’s hand is warm and steady and strong. It should be a comfort, but instead Toge’s heart is beating a mile a minute, his mind hyper-fixated on the fact that Yuuta Okkotsu’s hand is wrapped around his fucking knee.

Suddenly, it all gets to be too much. Toge makes a mad grab for Yuuta’s hand and tears it away, ripping it free. Once they’ve stabilized a new hold, both hands instinctively clutching the other to avoid angering the curse, Toge gasps for breath. Finally, he can breathe again. It feels as though someone has been holding his head beneath water for the past minute. He’s only just now able to resurface. Touching Yuuta- it’s almost like drowning. The way it gripped Toge’s whole body at once, flaring all his senses without permission, it practically seemed lethal.  

“Whoa, whoa- okay!” Yuuta yelps, eyes widening as he takes in Toge’s brief spell of panic. “Not that, then! We can try something else. Or-”

“Okaka,” Toge interrupts sharply. He’s not about to let Yuuta under his skin again like that. That was too dangerous the first time. His heart is still pounding in his throat from the close call. 

Yuuta shuts his mouth, defeated. He sinks into the back of the couch and Toge feels his face start to burn with shame. He shouldn’t have snapped at Yuuta like that. He was just trying to help. 

Just as Toge is starting to spiral, looking for ways to apologize, Yuuta interrupts his thoughts with a gentle squeeze. 

“This is weird for me too,” he whispers. Toge whips around to get a better look, to search his face. He’s just saying that, Toge thinks, to make you feel better. But when Toge looks at him there’s no trace of pity on his face. All that’s there is an embarrassed, sheepish half-smile. It’s the most genuine smile Yuuta’s given him all day. “Rika… she didn’t like it when other people touched me. I got really careful about never…”

His voice trails off, and Toge’s heart squeezes. Everything that happened with Rika started years ago. Had Yuuta really spent all that time not being able to touch anyone? 

“You get the idea,” Yuuta tells him, shaking the thought of it off. The bit of his smile that had fallen off his face comes right back. “I know you had Maki and Panda, so maybe it wasn’t always the same for you?” 

There’s a hopeful tone to his voice, one that Toge can’t stand to shoot down. Yes, he did have Maki and Panda now, but Toge’s never been particularly touchy-feely with either of them. Maki tried to wipe dirt off his face after a spar their first week, and Toge genuinely flinched, jumping back from the touch like she’d burned him. He didn't know how to be doted on like that. 

Toge sniffs out an acknowledgment, one that he doesn’t mean for Yuuta to interpret as either a yes or no. He squirms a little, but he doesn’t press Toge on any details. 

“It’s stuffy in here,” Yuuta notes, though things like that never usually bother him. “We could take a walk?” he floats. “That should be safe enough.” 

Toge nods eagerly, not sure if he’s playing into Yuuta’s restlessness or if he just agrees. It is feeling a little cramped in here. Besides, just because they can’t train doesn’t mean they need to be stuck inside all day. At least this way, they can stay a little bit active. 

Yuuta walks them around the school in a perfect loop. He never strays from the sidewalk even once. It's pleasant enough, but it’s not a route Toge ever would have chosen from himself.

They can’t put off showering any longer. 

An entire mission and another day’s wear has left both of them with an uncomfortable sheen of grime. When Yuuta asks to go back to Toge’s room to re-apply deodorant for the third time that day, Toge finally breaks and inquires about hitting the showers after dinner. The relief on Yuuta’s face is so plain that Toge feels guilty about not recommending it earlier. Why didn’t he just ask himself, if he was so desperate? Knowing Yuuta, he’d probably thought he’d be inconveniencing Toge. As if their entire existence right now wasn’t already inconvenient enough.

At the very least, dinner goes off without a hitch. Toge is left-handed, so they can keep contact with their hands while still being able to eat pretty effectively. Maki jokes that tomorrow she’ll make steak, just to watch them struggle trying to cut it. Neither of them laugh. Luckily, Maki has never bothered herself with any cooking that goes beyond freezer and microwave, so Toge doubts they really have to worry. Usually, he’d make a crack about it, but today he’s not in the mood. 

Yuuta showers first, promising to be fast about it. Toge holds his hand taut with his back turned, only the thin plastic school-issued shower curtain to separate them. Toge squeezes his eyes shut as steam and the thick, oceany scent of Yuuta’s convenience store body wash seeps into the air. 

It makes Toge want to switch brands. His soap is far more mild, a soft medicinal scent that seems to disappear the second Toge steps out of the shower. Yuuta, on the other hand, always seems to smell freshly showered. To be fair, that could be the result of his obsessive deodorant reapplication. Yuuta is both active enough and nervous enough to justify it, Toge figures. 

Oh. 

Yuuta hasn’t been active at all today, but he’s still been applying it. Does that mean… he’s nervous? 

Before Toge gets the chance to ponder it, his hand is being wrangled in every which way while Yuuta struggles to pull on his pajamas. Then, it’s finally his turn. 

He means to be quick, really he does, but being tucked behind that shred of plastic is somehow the most privacy Toge has had all day. He rests his head against the tile, exhaling softly under the loud stream of the shower. Even when he feels the hot water starting to fade, he leaves it there. He just needs one minute to himself, and then he’ll be okay. 

Eventually, he has to give it up, washing himself down as quickly as possible to make up for lost time. Getting the gel out of his hair with one hand is even more troublesome than he could have imagined. By the time he’s finished, the water is completely tepid and Yuuta is wearing a frown as he steps out with his towel. 

“I didn’t use all the hot water, did I?” he asks. 

Toge shakes his head. Of course he hadn’t. Toge’s shower had been twice as long, maybe more. He fumbles for his clean clothes, getting ready to take them back under the shelter of their shower to get changed. 

“Are you… doing okay?” Yuuta asks, just before he’s about to step inside. Stunned, Toge stares at him for a second. 

“Shake,” he affirms, speaking quickly so Yuuta won’t worry. It does nothing to ease the look of concern on his face. 

“Toge,” he says gently. “You don’t have to lie about it. Your shoulders are up to your ears. The shower didn’t relax you at all?” 

He seems a little nervous to be speaking so candidly. In all honesty, Toge has never actually heard Yuuta disagree with a single word anyone has ever said before. It catches him so off guard that stumbles back a little to increase the distance between them. It’s foolish of course, since all it does is force their arms to stretch harder to keep their contact strong. Yuuta doesn’t react though. He stays leaning against the wall in his pajama pants, black hair dripping and face still slightly flushed from the shower.

“Mentaiko,” Toge defends, though it’s one of those times where he’s using the phrase and even he doesn’t know what it means. Maki and Panda always call him on it when he’s purposefully vague like that- putting no intention behind his words at all- but Yuuta is still new to interpreting him. Maybe Toge can still slip him up. 

Yuuta remains undeterred though, almost as if Toge hadn’t spoken at all. He’s staring intently at Toge’s shoulders. Toge figures he’ll try to appease Yuuta by gently lowering them, but the second he stops exerting effort to keep them there, they spring right back up. It’s possible Yuuta has a point here. Toge’s definitely a little tense. 

“Here,” Yuuta offers, kicking himself up and off the wall. “Let me.” 

Keeping one hand hooked in Toge’s, Yuuta steps in and starts methodically digging his fingers into one of Toge’s shoulders with his free hand. His touch is gentle enough, but Toge’s muscles cry out with reluctance. Toge jerks away as if Yuuta is drilling him. 

Yuuta doesn’t let him off that easily. He reaches out, and reluctantly Toge lets himself be spun around as Yuuta lays his hands on to the backs of Toge's exposed shoulders, one after the other. Toge literally can’t pull away now, not without tempting the curse. It makes him even more tense than he started, having to stand there clasping his towel shut as Yuuta digs into his muscles. At the very least, Yuuta can’t see the cringe on his face as he pretends to entertain this. 

“Breathe,” Yuuta instructs. 

Instinctively, Toge does as he’s told- a wretched side effect that comes with being a sorcerer for as long he’s been. He gasps for a fresh breath as Yuuta’s thumbs graze the nape of his neck, working inwards. Toge feels himself involuntarily writhe under the touch. Everything in him wants to twist out of Yuuta’s hold and jolt away. He’s just barely aware enough of the situation to stop himself. 

“Did the mission get you all worked up?” Yuuta asks. “Or,” he realizes darkly, “Just me?” When Toge doesn’t answer right away, “Let me do this for you, then.” 

He starts coaxing Toge’s muscles, forcibly rolling one of Toge’s shoulders back a couple of times as Toge hisses out in pain. 

“Oh come on,” he razzes, good-natured. “It’s not so bad. And you’ll feel better after.”

Annoyingly, he’s sort of right. It’s not really pain that Toge is feeling. That actually might be preferable- Toge at least knows how to deal with that. This is something stranger, a game of tension and resolve that Toge can’t quite figure out the timing of. He hears a spattering of little pops and cracks as Yuuta works, leveraging Toge’s neck with one hand as he works his way down Toge’s shoulder blade with the other. He stops mid-motion and starts working at a specific knot with his fingers, rubbing slow, tortuous circles. He must work for a whole minute just on that one spot. 

Suddenly, Toge is feeling a little lightheaded. His muscles have lost all their constitution, warm and molten from Yuuta’s relentless kneading. His breathing gets rougher and less controlled, plus the lingering steam from the shower is starting to make him dizzy. His lips part absently, but he can’t even bring a word of resistance to fill his mouth. 

“That’s a little better,” Yuuta comments as he leaves a trail of squeezes down both of Toge’s arms. All of the twitching and jerking his body has been doing to try and skirt the unpleasantness has died down, all the fight leaving his body. 

Toge wobbles as turns back around to face him. Yuuta takes no chances, bringing his hand to Toge’s chest and spreading his fingers against his bare, damp skin. 

“Whoa,” Yuuta breathes. Toge feels himself sag into the touch for a moment, still a little off balance. It takes almost nothing for Yuuta to hold him up. His grip is light, but firm enough to make Toge feel completely supported. 

Offhandedly, Toge thinks, when did he get so confident? 

He looks up and squints at Yuuta, trying to reconcile this version of him with the one that first walked into their classroom a few months ago. Right away, Toge felt such a strong urge to protect him. But here Yuuta is, holding him upright. 

Toge recovers quickly, but not nearly as quickly as he would’ve liked. He clutches his clothing to his chest as he puts a little distance between them as he steps back into the shower stall. The solace of being alone again doesn’t last long.

“My fault,” Yuuta calls to him softly. “I overdid it” 

Ignoring him, Toge starts yanking his hand around to give himself leeway to get changed properly. He goes as quickly as he can manage. Suddenly, he’s exhausted. He just wants to slip into bed. 

“You okay?” Yuuta asks as Toge steps out.

He nods, not quite meeting Yuuta’s eyes. If Yuuta is unconvinced, Toge doesn’t stick around to find out. He steps right past him and leads them both out of the bathroom. Yuuta happily lets himself be dragged around, keeping step behind Toge without any resistance at all. 

Yesterday, Toge was too awkward to let Yuuta know he was uncomfortable sleeping on his back, but today he’s just too tired to care. He flops back on to his mattress without bothering to make the easy switch with their hands to sleep normally. Even that little transfer seems like too much. His head is still reeling and his limbs are unnecessarily heavy, still tingling in all the places Yuuta was plying. 

His arm is so limp that it’s dragging Yuuta’s down all the way to the floor 

“Toge?” Yuuta asks. Too tired for any other means of response, Toge softly runs the pad of his thumb across Yuuta’s palm. He can hear something changes in Yuuta’s breath as he does it, shakier on the exhale than usual. He swallows before he speaks again, a nervous edge to his voice. Toge expects a big question, or some grand observation, but all he gets is, “Goodnight.” 

“Mhm,” Toge manages, not letting his lips part so as not to let any of the cursed energy escape. His body relaxes even more at that- permission to let himself drift.

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep right away like this. He’d meant to stay up at least until Yuuta fell asleep, but his body is already betraying him. His limbs have taken up a limp, sinking feeling and his lids are beginning to flutter shut. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Yuuta says, so faint that Toge almost misses it. 

That’s nice, Toge thinks, not quite recognizing the thought as his own. His brain wanders to the loll of their hands, so effortlessly connected. They’ve done such a good job with this so far. Admittedly, there is something about having Yuuta here beside him that isn’t all bad. He imagines a little light forming in the cracks between their palms. It’s comforting, not even having to reach out to know that someone is beside you in the darkness. Luminescent. 

Dimly, Toge realizes he’s moments away from sleep. That’s the only reason his thoughts have turned syrupy. It’s only been a day or so, and Yuuta’s sentimentality has already leaked onto him. 

Toge wakes up in a storm. 

It’s the worst pain he’s ever felt in his life. It screams out, burning needles pricking every inch of his palm and spreading like fire up his wrist. Panic overwhelms him. His vision is spotty. He has no idea where he is, never mind what he’s done to deserve this. 

A terrible, pitchy noise scrapes out of his throat. It sounds more like the screech of a dying animal than the call of a sorcerer known for having a commanding voice, yet Toge recognizes the cry as his own. Worse, he recognizes it again as he yelps out a second time. He’s not even aware enough to control his voice- the one thing he has always done above all else. 

“Toge?” 

Maybe Toge hears it, but it doesn’t register. The fire is halfway up his elbow by now, though he can feel it vibrating through his whole body at this point. One last primal screech escapes his throat as he clenches against the pain, trying desperately to protect himself and failing miserably. No matter what he does, the fire will not go away. 

“Toge!” 

It’s all over in an instant. Just one touch is all it takes to undip Toge's hand from the lava. When the forest fire subsides and the smoke finally clears, the first thing Toge sees is dark blue. Yuuta’s eyes, still water, stare back at him as the immediate pain blinks out. 

The peace of it doesn’t last. Toge gasps. He can’t get the air into his lungs fast enough. 

“You’re okay now,” Yuuta tries to remind him. “It’s okay.”

But Toge is still hyperventilating. One moment he was sleeping soundly, and the next was in scorching, blinding pain- incomparable to anything he’s ever felt before. He’s never been caught more off guard in his life. His heart is racing, pounding against his chest from the shock. When he looks down at his hands, trying to avoid Yuuta’s gaze, he can see them shaking. 

Yuuta scoots closer, shortening the distance between them and strengthening his hold on Toge’s arm. “I’m so sorry that happened,” he assures, trying to catch Toge’s eye. “We’re gonna do better. I won’t let you slip away again.” 

Tears prick at Toge’s eyes. Embarrassed, he curls up his hand and holds it against his chest. It’s not like Yuuta could have done anything to prevent this. Toge must have pulled away in his sleep. The only upside here is that Yuuta hasn't sustained any injury himself. That was another strange condition of the curse- it only punishes the person who breaks contact. If Yuuta had been hurt because of Toge’s carelessness as well, Toge never would have been able to forgive himself. 

So why is he crying? Pain doesn’t normally bother him. He’d rather shoulder it himself than let it fall on Yuuta. He’s never emotional like this. Not ever.  

“Oh Toge,” Yuuta breathes, just as a tear falls between them and stains the edge of Toge’s sock. He pulls Toge in without hesitation. “That must have been so scary.” 

Toge's face lands on Yuuta’s shoulder, mercifully hidden as another set of tears starts to spill. Maybe Yuuta’s right, and that’s what has him so worked up. It’s not the pain, but the shock. Waking up and not even knowing where he was. He’s lucky that Yuuta had the front of mind to re-establish the connection even from the depths of sleep. If he hadn’t acted so swiftly, who knows how long it would have taken Toge’s muddled brain to have corrected the matter himself? 

They stay like that for a moment as Toge gets his wits about him, heart rate coming down and breath starting to even out. He doesn’t pull away once he settles. He surprises himself by not wanting to. 

A knock at the door sends him flying, though. Toge jolts up as the door opens, because he knows what this must look like. Even with inches of space between their chests, Yuuta’s hand is still hooked around his neck. He’s grasping Toge’s arm and running trails up and down Toge’s skin with his thumb. It’s far more intimate than just holding hands to ward off a curse. 

He braces himself for some sort of remark on the matter from Maki, but she’s not the one standing in the doorway. It’s Hakari, staring at them blankly as a plastic toothbrush hangs out his mouth.

“Heh,” he heckles, noticing their forms immediately. The little smirk that crawls across his face makes Toge want to get swallowed up by the floor. He yanks the toothbrush out of his mouth and flicks it in their direction a couple of times. “That is some curse you got there.” 

“Did you need something?” Yuuta asks flatly. It’s as close to rude as Toge has ever heard him be. Hakari must notice it too, because he stifles a chuckle. 

“Maki sent me to check on you, but it looks like you two are doing just fine,” he says teasingly. “We’re all headed out soon. Everyone’s got an assignment but you two lazy bones. You’re welcome, by the way.” 

“Thank you,” Yuuta says unflinchingly, though Toge still senses a hint of annoyance in his voice. Toge offers Hakari an apologetic nod as he heads out. He’s not nearly as upset about missing training time as Yuuta is, but he definitely feels poorly about not being able to go on missions. He’s ranked higher than most of his classmates, and despite just being a first year, he probably has more experience than any of them. He doesn’t enjoy being useless, not at all. 

Though, today he’s not sure he would have been all that useful to anyone in the first place. He’s still completely shaken up. 

“Let me see,” Yuuta requests gently, eyeing the hand Toge is still protectively clutching. It’s throbbing all the way up to his elbow. Toge hasn’t even looked at it yet, but he’s guessing it can’t be good. 

Yuuta helps him lower it, holding the arm with both hands. Angry red dots have pierced Toge’s skin- tiny, prickling burn marks. They go all the way up, but they’re most concentrated at his palm, right where Toge had been touching Yuuta before it all went wrong. That part is completely raw, red all over. It definitely still hurts, but even Toge is surprised to see just how bad it is. He feels a little guilty about showing Yuuta now. It’s not nearly as painful as it looks, and he doesn’t want Yuuta to worry.

It’s too late for that, clearly. Yuuta’s lips have already downturned, disconcerted by the development. 

“Can I help?” he asks. Toge can already feel the cursed energy brimming at his fingertips, ready to spill over. Toge’s pretty used to its presence, even more so after the last couple of days, but right now it’s radiating off of him. He’s literally desperate to heal Toge. Begrudgingly, Toge decides to let him. It’s not his favorite idea, but it would be stupid for him to walk around with this injury all day, especially when Yuuta is right here. 

The second Yuuta is granted permission, he activates reversed cursed technique. It doesn’t feel at all like when Ieiri does it. She’s efficient, sending the technique to affected areas in quick, concentrated bursts. Yuuta is far sloppier, since there’s no reason for refinement. It’s not like he’s going to run out of cursed energy or anything. 

Toge’s blood starts to rush as he’s flooded with energy from head to toe. It’s like having sunlight blasted into your body, so intense that it borders on violent. Toge’s insides feel scrubbed clean, rinsed through with disinfectant. When it’s over, it leaves Toge with a certain hollowness. Maybe the poison has been extracted, but it took something else with it. 

It’s done its job though. The redness fades right before Toge’s eyes, all lingering pain starting to subside. It’s almost as if the slip-up never happened. Toge is as good as new. 

“You probably need to rest for a little while now,” Yuuta instructs, still studying his work. “Just until–”

Toge shifts his hand, clasping his freshly-healed palm into Yuuta’s and yanking upwards. He has no plans of getting back into bed. Unlike others, he’s been the subject of reversed cursed technique plenty of times before in his life. He can handle himself. 

“Okay then,” Yuuta agrees, letting himself be pulled to his feet. “Just twenty four hours left,” he reports. “How should we fill them?” 

They go walking again, but this time Toge isn’t interested in sticking to the path.

Yuuta hasn’t had the time to explore the campus yet, not like Toge has, so he hasn’t realized that there’s more to this place than the set paths between buildings. He’s flustered at first when Toge drags him from the sidewalk and into the grass, but he doesn’t resist. Toge takes them to the edge of campus, weaving them between the trees.

The woods make for a far more interesting walk, Toge thinks. Plus, they won’t run into any lingering sorcerers here. All that’s here to bother them is the chatter of birdsong and the distant rambling of the creek. Far more peaceful than campus. Toge leads them into a familiar clearing, shady and tinged with wildflowers. 

“Is this where you go?” Yuuta asks, cutting through the usual silence Toge finds here. “When we knock on your door, and you don’t answer… are you here?” 

Toge doesn’t answer him right away. He didn't mean to reveal that today. He does have a few hiding spots on this campus, but this one is by far his favorite. This is where he comes to think, or just to get away from it all every once in a while, but he supposes that’s over now. He’ll never be here again without knowing he could be found at any second. Toge wants badly to regret the lapse in judgment he’s just made, but…

Yuuta is smiling. 

He’s looking up at the sunlight as it filters through the trees, casting a greenish glow on both their faces. His shirt is caught up in the breeze, rippling against his chest. He sucks in a breath of fresh air and Toge watches his whole face relax. He looks happy here. 

Toge looks back down at their hands, neatly folded into one another, and can’t summon a trace of grief about losing the sanctity of this place. Not while Yuuta is absolutely beaming. Maybe he needed a place like this, too. 

“I won’t tell,” he promises. “But next time Maki proposes a stretch day… don’t be surprised to find me hiding out here.”

Toge catches them both off guard by laughing, right out loud. Maki and Toge are both pretty flexible, but Yuuta is decidedly not. He’s improved in so many ways over the past few months, but he’s no closer to touching his toes than he was when he first arrived. Last time Maki forced them all to stretch out, she nearly ripped his hamstrings in half under the guise of helping him. It was absolutely brutal. 

Yuuta will get better with time, though. He always does. 

Since everyone will be out all day, Toge decides they should go ahead and take the lead on dinner tonight. It’s the least they can do, seeing that everyone is picking up their slack today mission-wise. 

Yuuta can’t really cook though, so Toge will have to do most of the work himself. That doesn’t really bother him. He likes cooking, especially with the kitchen empty and the common room quiet. He really only has one hindrance. Yuuta. They work it out the same way they do changing clothes. Yuuta lays his hands just above Toge’s hips, right beneath his t-shirt, and follows Toge around like a caboose. It’s not ideal having a tail, but Toge will take it if it means having both hands free for a little while. 

Everyone is sure to come back hungry, so Toge doesn't hold back. He’s got plenty of time, so he cooks up as many dishes as the ingredients they have on hand will allow. All the time he spends hunched over the cooktop leaves him sweaty, but it’s worth it. He’ll have been useful today, in spite of it all. 

That night, after a very successful dinner, someone decides to pop on a movie in the common room- a celebration of everyone coming back today in one piece. After watching Yuuta and Toge shift their hands just so they can wipe the sweat off their palms before sitting down, Maki decides they should try something different tonight. She sits them both down on the couch and hikes up Toge’s knee, draping it over one of Yuuta’s legs. Since they’re both wearing shorts, the skin on the back of Toge’s leg touches Yuuta’s thigh directly. They both get to keep their hands to themselves tonight. 

“Is this okay?” Yuuta asks quietly, clearly remembering what happened last time they tried something more unusual like this.

“Shake,” Toge affirms. He listens to his heart, waiting for it to start revving with panic, but it stays completely steady. For some reason, this doesn’t bother him at all. 

The movie doesn’t really interest him all that much, though. His head is flopping over to one side and his leg starts sliding down Yuuta’s. He hooks his foot around Yuuta’s calf to preserve the connection, but it’s really all he has the presence of mind to do. He’s entirely given up on the plot at this point. His eyes start to drift shut, and Toge doesn’t even fight it. 

“We’re gonna head to bed,” Yuuta decides.

Toge sits straight up in resistance. It’s still early. Yuuta is usually the last person to go to bed for the night, not the first person to turn in. He shouldn’t have to miss out on the fun just because of Toge.

“Sujiko,” he protests, shaking his head. “Okaka.” 

“You’ve been yawning for the last hour,” Yuuta argues, sounding a little concerned. His hand is placed firmly on Toge’s knee. It takes Toge a little while to even notice that it’s there. Last time he’d done that, Toge nearly jumped out of his own skin. Now, it feels perfectly natural. Toge stares down at it in bewilderment. No, it’s not just natural, it’s actually sort of nice. 

He doubles back to Yuuta’s face, warm and encouraging. He’s not bothered by the extra contact either. 

“This is a boon, Toge,” Maki interjects through a mouthful, not taking her eyes off the screen for even a moment. Despite the feast, she’s been shoveling popcorn since the second the opening credits began. “You can actually force Yuuta to get some sleep.” 

“Think of it as a service to the rest of us,” Hakari adds. “We won’t have to look at that ugly mug of dark circles all day.” 

Yuuta’s back is turned to Hakari, so he rolls his eyes conspiratorially, making sure Toge is the only one who can see him do it. There’s something jovial about it though, like he doesn’t mind being the subject of their jokes at all. His thumb is still rubbing at Toge’s kneecap. His focus isn’t at all with the rest of the group. It’s solely on Toge. 

“Let’s go,” he says, giving no attention to the earlier remarks. Toge takes the fingers he’d been using to fidget absently with the rim of his muff and lays them gently over Yuuta’s. They’re a mess of limbs, hands and legs piled on top of one another. The way they’re tangled up in each other is enough to ward off the curse in more ways than Toge wants to count. They're untouchable.

Finally, Toge relents. They head to Yuuta’s room first, as he’s in search of a fresh shirt to sleep in. 

“You overdid it today,” he notes as they walk down the hall. The tone should sound chiding, but it doesn’t. His voice is tender, concerned. 

Toge huffs out a little dismissal. He’s just a little tired, that’s all. 

“You don’t have to tough it out, Toge,” Yuuta presses. “You’re always doing things for other people. Taking me around, making dinner for everyone. I know if you’d been able, you probably would have taken the hardest mission today, just no one else would have to deal with it. I mean, that’s how you show people you care, right?” 

Toge almost stops mid-step, hearing that. Is that really how Yuuta thinks of him? As a person who does nice things for other people? As someone who cares? How could he think that, when all Toge has been for the last couple of days is grousy and disagreeable? He’s been so resistant to Yuuta since this started. So why is Yuuta being so nice to him?

“I should’ve made you take it easy after the reversed cursed technique this morning,” Yuuta sighs. “It’s okay to do things for yourself too, you know. It doesn’t have to just be for everyone else.” 

They’re at Yuuta’s door now, unlocked as always. He’s trusting like that- too trusting in Toge’s opinion. He walks them over to the closet, opening it up and peering inside. 

Toge is still mulling his words over, trying to find the drive behind them. Sometimes Yuuta has a tendency to blabber or speak without thinking, but Toge doesn’t think that’s what this was. It seemed more heartfelt, like he’d been saving up these words for a while, waiting to use them at just the right moment. Toge’s head starts to spin as he tries to process it. He leans in, resting his forehead on Yuuta’s shoulder for a little balance. Maybe he’s taking Yuuta’s advice to heart already. He’s physically giving Yuuta his weight to carry. 

Is that okay? Even beyond what Yuuta just said to him, he’s been so kind to Toge these past few days. He’s been patient and understanding even when Toge gave him no reason to be. He comforted Toge unflinchingly this morning, even though it was Toge’s own fault he got hurt. He even expended his own cursed energy to prevent Toge from feeling any more pain. Is it selfish for Toge to take more when he’s already been given so much? 

“Let’s push our beds closer tonight,” Yuuta says suddenly, derailing all of Toge’s thoughts. 

Toge is stunned. He goes rigid under their touch. Yuuta wants to be… closer? 

“I think… we’ll both sleep better that way,” he continues, careful. “Knowing that it’ll be more difficult for either of us to pull away.” 

As Toge considers that, he realizes that Yuuta hasn’t moved even a muscle since Toge started leaning on him. Surely there’s a fresh shirt right in front of him, but he hasn’t reached out yet. He’s stayed completely steady. When Toge looks down at their hands, he realizes that he’s clutching Yuuta’s with both hands instead of just the one. There’s something undeniably greedy about it. Even knowing that, it’s not enough to make him pull away. 

There’s no good reason for it, but the two of them stay like that until Toge finally agrees. He gently nods his head into Yuuta’s sleeve, accepting the proposal. Yuuta lets out a breath, and that’s that. He picks out a shirt and heads back to Toge’s room. 

They watch each other carefully as they start shifting the mattresses. When one of them pushes theirs in an inch closer, the other one follows. They keep looking up at each other for confirmation as they go, creeping closer and closer until finally, there’s just the smallest crack between the two beds. Toge waits for Yuuta to inquire about it, to wonder aloud if it’s really okay that they do this, but he never does. The entire exchange happens wordlessly. All they do is blink at one another, coming to a quiet understanding. 

Toge takes care tonight to adjust to a proper position once he’s in bed. He’s certain that if he’s comfortable, he won’t pull away like he did last night. Not that it really matters now. Disrupting the connection from this distance would be nearly impossible. They’re so close that their shoulders practically touch. Toge can feel the hum of energy between them, noticing a strange urge to fill the negative space between them. 

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Yuuta asks, voice filling the darkness.

Toge flips his head on the pillow so they can face each other, fully expecting Yuuta to be staring right back at him. He isn’t. He’s staring up at the ceiling, eyes glittering. 

“It’s getting stronger.” 

Toge’s breath hitches. Of course he feels it. The curse has gotten hungrier it seems. Just touching hands isn’t enough anymore, not for either of them. Toge wants to reach out and trace his fingertips over every line on Yuuta’s arms. He wants to press his cheek into Yuuta’s chest. He doesn’t want to hold Yuuta’s hands, he wants to rest them against his core and cling to him as if by gravity. Even then, he’s not sure it would be enough. Being anything but so close to him would feel like falling off the face of the earth.

But of course Toge can’t say any of that.

Instead, he slams his eyes shut, letting fingertip pulses ghost in his palm till he finally falls asleep.

He wonders, can Yuuta possibly want this as much as he does?

It’s not really a surprise when Toge wakes up to find them even closer than how they started. Yuuta’s body has drifted towards the center of the mattress, and Toge arm is draped across his chest. Somehow, they’ve managed to switch hands in their sleep to allow for that. Toge’s ear is pressed into Yuuta’s t-shirt and Yuuta’s foot has crossed the line between beds, poking at Toge’s with his sock. 

Toge knows he ought to wake Yuuta up so they can correct this, but he doesn’t. He listens to Yuuta breathe, watching the rise and fall of his chest. This is what he wanted last night, whether he could admit it to himself or not. To be truly close. He figures there’s no real harm in letting them stay like this for just a little while longer.  

When Yuuta finally wakes up, he takes stock of the situation pretty quickly. Toge’s pretending to be asleep still, so he doesn’t move right away, so as not to disturb Toge. When Toge starts to flutter his eyes open though, he sees a frown tugging at Yuuta’s face.

“We probably should talk to Gojo about this,” he states, referring to the curse. 

Toge nods. If it really is getting stronger, they’ll need to report it. They’re supposed to see Gojo this morning anyway. They’re coming up on the seventy-two hour mark, though neither of them seem particularly hopeful that this ordeal will actually be over when the clock turns. It seems a lot less likely, now that they’re reaching out to one another like this, their thirst so loud that it has them creeping closer even in the depths of sleep. 

“Stronger?” Gojo balks. “I really don’t think that’s possible. A curse’s influence can only get weaker after its exorcism. What do you mean, stronger?” 

They’re sitting on the exam table in Ieiri’s office as both of their teachers look on, examining the situation with great worry. Toge turns to Yuuta, waiting for him to respond for both of them. He really doesn’t think he can cover the extent of this in onigiri words. It’s difficult though. How do they explain to their teachers that they just… really want to touch each other? It’ll come off lewdly and Gojo will be sure to tease them about it for ages. 

They talked about it on the way here a little more. Their nerves had gotten too big to ignore. Yuuta made sure they were on the same page, so he could speak for both of them. He'd managed to put it to words perfectly.

“Well,” Yuuta starts, clearly nervous. “At the beginning, we were both pretty uncomfortable. It was really hard not to pull away. But now, it’s like… we just want to be closer to each other? Like, all the time.”

Gojo takes a long hard look at them. Toge can feel his eyes dragging over them, leaving a trail of his cursed energy on their skin. It sends a shiver down his spine, but it’s still not enough to get either of them to move. They’re sitting so close their hips touch. They keep absentmindedly kicking their feet together. Yuuta has pulled their hands into his lap as a resting spot. Gojo really shouldn’t have to look too hard to know what Yuuta is saying is true.

“Oh,” he says finally. “Interesting.” 

“Satoru,” Ieiri warns. He pays her no attention, stepping back and leaning against the wall. He’s still staring directly at them. 

“Well, it’s been three days now,” he continues. His face is neutral, but Toge can hear something of a smirk behind his words. “So tell me. Have the two of you tried severing the connection yet? Just to see?” 

“Okaka,” Toge answers for both of them. They haven’t disrupted it since yesterday morning. 

“Humor me,” Gojo instructs. 

Before Toge can think to act, Yuuta snatches his hand free. Toge’s heart lurches, briefly devastated by the lack of contact, until he realizes why Yuuta’s done it. He pulled away so quickly because he knew that if the curse was still active, only one of them needed to be punished by it. He didn’t want Toge to feel that pain again. It took only a second for him to decide that he was going to be the one to suffer instead. 

Toge’s eyes dart to Yuuta’s palm, waiting for it to start flaring with angry red dots, the same way Toge’s did yesterday. It doesn’t. 

To test it further, Toge forces himself to scooch away an inch, just to make sure they’re not touching in any other way. The flimsy layer of paper they’re sitting on makes a crinkling noise in resistance, but nothing else changes. Yuuta stares down at his palm, blinking at it expectantly, but a whole minute goes by and nothing happens to it. 

The curse is broken. 

“What did I tell you?” Gojo preens. “Three days.”

Toge looks up at Yuuta’s face, waiting to see if he’ll celebrate, but Yuuta hasn’t moved an inch. He’s still staring at his palm, deep in concentration. Toge doubts he’s heard a word Gojo has said. 

“Guess it was all in your heads,” he continues, turning his back on them. “Wonder what it could have been that had you both so confused. Certainly, it wasn’t the curse.” 

They walk back to the dorms very slowly. They’ll be going to all their classes and training sessions today, now that this is over with. They should be thrilled. It’s what they’ve been looking forward to since all this began. 

But the silence between them is uncomfortable. Toge keeps peeking over at Yuuta, trying to get a sense for how he’s feeling about all this. His expression is tortuously blank. Toge can’t tell at all what he’s thinking. There’s only inches between them now, but suddenly it feels like miles. 

I can’t remember the last time I held hands with someone, Yuuta told him towards the beginning of all of this. 

In all honesty, neither could Toge. That’s why it all felt so strained and unnatural. He’d never really been close enough with anyone to do that sort of thing before. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t realized what he was missing out on. Now, in just three days, Toge feels the loss of it so keenly that his palm actually itches. He’d hated it so much at the start, but now he longs for it. He’s sad that it’s over. 

But he can’t tell if Yuuta feels the same. He hadn’t hated this, right? Right from the beginning, he seemed to enjoy having someone beside him. When he spoke of Rika, how she didn’t want Yuuta touching anyone, there had been such a sadness to his tone. Toge got the sense that he genuinely enjoyed having someone to be connected to. That hadn’t changed, had it? 

“I guess we should be happy,” Yuuta sniffs. He sounds anything but, staring straight ahead of him and refusing to meet Toge’s gaze. His footsteps are heavy, his fists balled. “This… is what we wanted.” 

Is it?

Toge stops in his tracks. Yuuta stumbles as he brings his own pace to a halt, finally turning to face Toge. 

“Okaka,” Toge tells him. 

“No?” Yuuta repeats. “No, it isn’t what we wanted?” he checks. “Or it isn’t… what you wanted? But I thought…” 

He trails off, shaking his head. His eyes hit the floor, a swoop of dark hair falling over his eyes. Toge fights a strong urge to reach out and sweep it back, to run his fingernails through it as he tucks it back and reveals Yuuta’s eyes once more. He wants to leave his fingers next to Yuuta’s ears for a moment as he does it, letting the touch linger for as long as possible. It’s undeniable. The curse is gone and Toge still wants all of these things. 

“Yuuta,” he whispers. 

The other boy’s head snaps straight up, almost as if Toge had commanded it. His eyes are stormy, his face strained. He’s been trying to hide it, but he’s hurting. He feels this loss just as greatly as Toge does. 

“Yes?” he asks. 

Toge doesn’t need a single word to answer him. All he does is offer his hand.