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Observing her was like watching someone from a forgien country trying to understand how the other culture works. Ocean realized this only a couple of days into having Penny Lamb in the St. Cassian Chamber Choir. Penny’s eyes were always wide and curious, observing everything around her in an almost calculating manner. Before she spoke, she always took a couple of seconds to figure out what she was going to say. She seemed to be taking notes in her head about the reactions of the people around her, and incorporating that information into how she spoke and acted around others,
At first, Ocean took this as her trying to fit in with the other students the best she could, or that’s what she brushed it off as. When a month rolled around, Ocean didn’t see any stop in this behavior. It was like Penny was some sort of robot, or perhaps she was from a different dimension and trying to learn how humans worked.
This fascination with the girl’s behavior continued, to the point where she would ask the other choir members how they seemed to feel about it.
“Well,” Constance began. She was cooking something up for the members of the choir that were all currently in the other room. “I do think that sometimes she can act a bit, well, odd. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything though. I mean, look at us! We all have our own mannerisms and stuff.”
Ocean’s face scrunched up ever so slightly. Curiosity filled her to the brim. “Still, I want to understand why she does all of that stuff. The way she speaks so monotone, the way her body moves whenever she’s excited about something…”
“Well I think you’re reading a little bit too much into it, Ocean,” Constance replied, still focusing on the food she was making. “If you’re so worried about it, then I guess you could always ask.”
Ocean dreaded that thought. She wasn’t necessarily the type of person to ask questions or pry into someone’s personal life. The thought just wouldn’t leave her head. Even when they all were eating dinner together.
“Yo, this is totally really tasty, Constance!” Mischa said with a mouthful of pasta. Penny nodded excitedly after he said that, peering over at him and almost copying the way he ate.
“Totally.” Penny spoke. She had vaguely copied his accent, which made Mischa swallow his food and let out a hearty laugh. The rest of the dinner went smoothly, and soon they all headed upstairs to Constance’s room.
The board games were busted out. While Constance and Ricky were playing chess, the remaining four were playing Sorry. The game didn’t require a lot of strategy, but they sure acted like it did. The game was long and intense, filled with the occasional yelp of either excitement or disappointment.
When the game was at its peak, Penny excused herself to the restroom. Noel and Mischa thought nothing of it, but Ocean noticed a little crack of Penny’s usual soft and precise demeanor. A couple of minutes passed. A couple then turned into ten, which turned quickly to fifteen.
“Is she ever going to get out of the bathroom?” Noel groaned with boredom bleeding from his voice.
“I’ll go check on her,” Ocean offered before quickly standing up and making her way over to the bathroom. She knocked twice on the bathroom door, expecting to hear a quick apology and Penny coming out of the bathroom. Perhaps she got distracted by something and the time might’ve slipped her mind.
Instead of hearing what Ocean expected, she heard a muffled sob that came from inside the bathroom.
“Penny?” She called. “Are you okay in there?” Of course, Ocean usually wasn’t going to just burst in on someone in the bathroom all because she thought they were crying. This situation felt somewhat urgent, though, which caused her to try and open the bathroom door. To her surprise, it was unlocked and already somewhat ajar.
When she scanned the bathroom to try and find Penny, she found her curled up on the floor with fistfulls of hair in her hands. Ocean, almost at lighting speed, ran to her aid. Maybe she had gotten hurt on something. It wouldn’t surprise her if she was curious about a razor or maybe a loose nail.
As soon as Penny realized someone else was in there with her, she tried to compose herself but was met with more choked up sobs that came from her mouth. “I’m sorry-” she yelped. “I can’t- I can’t breathe in this.” The girl in hysterics pointed to her vest.
Without thinking, Ocean unbuttoned the vest for her and slid it over her shoulders. Penny let out a broad sigh as she was relieved from the tightness around her chest. The girl seemed overwhelmed. Ocean didn’t know why this was happening, all she knew is that she wanted to help.
“Take some deep breaths for me, okay? In through your nose and out through your mouth. Follow what I do, okay?” Ocean closed her eyes and began to guide Penny through some breathing exercises. Penny felt herself calm down ever so slightly with every breath she’d exhale.
Suddenly, Ocean was met with a warm embrace that startled her at first. She didn’t mind though, as long as her friend was okay. She slowly wrapped her arms around her as well, giving her the tightest hug she could muster. Penny let out a couple of more sobs while holding the girl, before scooting back and facing the person who had come to her rescue.
They sat in silence for some moments before Penny was calm enough to talk about what was happening.
“I, I apologize. It got so loud in there and my chest was starting to ache and everything was so big…” Penny looked down at her hands in embarrassment. Ocean saw this, and took Penny’s hands in her own.
“Don’t be sorry! We were all so worried about you. I was worried about you…” Ocean admitted in this vulnerable state. “And, well, I don’t know if now is a good time to bring this up, but like… are you okay, Penny?”
Penny seemed slightly confused at this question. Ocean restated it for her.
“I don’t know. Sometimes you just act so differently. Not in a bad way, of course! I just noticed some things about you that no one else seems to catch on to. The way you’re so calculated in everything you do. You always think twice before you say or do something, even in just small talk. You mimic the actions of other people, and you just seem to be, well, I don’t know, trying to figure out the ‘correct response’.” Ocean said, finally unleashing the thoughts that have been plaguing her for months now.
In response to all of this, Penny just giggled through her small sniffles. After wiping her eyes, she looked up at Ocean with a meaningful expression.
“I have autism.” She said carelessly. Ocean’s first response was to piece together all of the things she had been doing. It was like she had everything on a whiteboard in her mind and all of the signs now seemed to make sense.
“Oh,” Ocean mumbled. “I… am so sorry for seeming like I was making a big deal out of it. I guess I just-”
“It’s okay,” Penny replied with another giggle. “I don’t really mind sharing. I’m sorry if I come off as weird sometimes, I suppose masking has just gotten more difficult ever since I moved here.”
“Hey, no! You’re not weird at all, Penny. You’re one of us, okay? I don’t know a lot of things about autism, or how you might work differently than other people, but that doesn’t make you weird! You’re you, and that’s all we’ll ever need from you.” Ocean initiated a hug, to which Penny graciously accepted.
“I promise we’ll accommodate your needs and such, kay? If you’re ever feeling overwhelmed or anything, just tell us and we’ll do our best to help.”
This kind gesture gave Penny the confidence to walk back to the room with Ocean, and have a quiet little chat about her autism with the gang. Of course, the chat went rather smoothly,
Thank you for telling us, Penny! Ricky signed, a kind smile resting on his face. I know how it feels to be ostracized for what’s going on with your body or your brain.
“-And no matter what, you’re always gonna be one of us!” Constance squealed with a large grin on her face. She stood up to give Penny a hug, to which the others followed pursuit. Ocean felt her heart light up with pure joy as she watched them all hug it out. She was caught up in the moment before being dragged into the hug by Mishca.
“Thank you all, really…” Penny’s eyes filled up with tears. This kind of acceptance was so alien to her. Hell, even her own parents hadn’t accepted her truly. As the group backed away from the hug after a couple of minutes, she wiped her tears and giggled.
“Let’s get back to playing Sorry.”