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Sayeon couldn't hear anything but her own breathing. She was sitting cross legged in the middle of the Corps gym at midnight, training her essence manipulation. Or at least, that's what she hoped she was doing. She'd asked Iseul for advice on how he got his own essence under control and his response was… certainly lacking.
"Meditate!" He beamed, "it's good for the mind and spirit, and when you control your spirit, you can control your vital force, which is–ta-dah! Your essence!"
The blue-haired girl nodded. "So… how do you meditate, exactly?"
He laughed, "well, the answer is simple!" He gave her a thumbs up and a bright smile, "you empty your mind!"
Sayeon felt herself frown just by thinking about him. He was just too bright. It's not that she didn't like him, not at all. Iseul is a sweetheart. But sometimes he can be too much and, right now? His advice was as good as nothing.
She was sitting here, all alone, in the cold and darkness with only the moon as company and couldn't empty her mind no matter what she did.
Her head was so full of thoughts that she almost thought she was hallucinating at some point. The visions of her sister, mother and friends were too real, almost unbearable. She could hear their voices whispering in her ear loud and clear. She remembered how Samin sobbed on her shoulder when she was little, how she murdered an innocent man and… and then there was Jaeil.
Sayeon felt her throat tighten at the thought. It's been six months since she joined the Corps now. His father didn't have any news and Jaeil didn't even try contacting her. Not a letter or a message. Anything. Agent Sang was strict, but she wouldn’t prohibit him from visiting her every once in a while, would she?
…Had he abandoned her just like everyone else?
Tears welled up in her eyes and she felt a sudden feeling of grief crawl over her shoulders but... just what was she grieving? He was fine. Probably out there trying to rob a bank with his friends while she's… here.
Alone.
Dammit.
She shouldn't have listened to Iseul's advice. Her mind was too packed for her to not think. Just where should she put those thoughts when they're inside of her?
How can she get rid of her family, her ties, if they run in her blood all day and night?
How can she get rid of Jaeil's memory if he's inside her heart?
She took off her glasses as soon as she felt the first tears roll down her face. Fucking great.
Sayeon held her breath and pinched her nose. She shouldn't be crying right now. Not when she's inside the Corps.
"Come on, sweetie, let it all out. Mother is here for you."
She could hear her mother's strong – yet soothing voice – comfort her. She could almost smell her delicate perfume… or was it just the smell of the wooden boards that surrounded her?
"It may not seem like it, but I cry sometimes, too. Crying doesn't make you any less worth it."
Sayeon heard her sister's voice through the ceiling. It's not the voice of the current Samin, no. It's the soft, protective voice of the old Samin, the one that raised her when she was little, the one that she knew best. Sayeon could feel her hands holding on to her shoulders, trying to comfort her… or was it just the wind on her back?
"Sayeon, you're the strongest person I—"
"SHUT UP!" She sobbed, "shut up, all of you!"
Jaeil's kind words echoed through the gym and Sayeon was enveloped with a feeling of pure and utter heartbreak. She couldn't understand why she was feeling heartbroken.
She felt like screaming, running away and never coming back to this god forsaken city and—
She felt so lonely.
So, so lonely.
When everything was normal, she knew Jaeil had her back. And despite her rocky relationship with her sister, she knew Samin cared for her more than anything else and, although she hated to admit it, she cared for her too. She still cares and only the heavens know how much she misses that arrogant asshole by her side.
Sayeon wiped her nose with her sleeve and tried to regulate her breathing. "Don't cry. You're just having a panic attack, Sayeon." She thought to herself. "Samin said she'd still have your back once you leave this place. You're not completely alone."
She was breathing unsteadily and hiccups still rocked through her body, but all she needed was a little rest. She stared at the ceiling. She's fine. Everything's fine. She's just tired, that's all. Tomorrow morning she will already have forgotten about this whole ordeal anyways.
She got up on shaky legs, patted her knees and put on her glasses. Yes, she should head back to bed.
Sayeon was about to leave when the gym's back door opened. Her blood ran cold and she turned around slowly only to be met by a bloody figure. A bloody figure with… a white cap?
"Ryujin?"
Ryujin coughed and wiped her chin with her thumb, "hey, Glasses. Could–could you help me out?"
It seemed like speaking was too difficult for her, her voice was barely audible from the distance they were in. Sayeon could see that she was leaning against the doorway, unsteady legs trying desperately to keep her up. She couldn't leave her like this. Sayeon rushed to her side and wrapped Ryujin's left arm around her neck, giving her the support she needed to stand up.
Sayeon winced when she heard Ryujin’s pained whimpers. “what happened to you?”
The short woman wheezed, “you know better than to ask me this.”
Sayeon bit her lip. Yes, she did know better. Ryujin hates her with a passion anyways; asking her what happened would be of no use. And besides, with all the things happening on her mind lately, she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know.
When they finally reached the benches, Ryujin sat down with difficulty, refusing Sayeon’s help. She heaved painfully and it was only when she saw Ryujin from up close that she was able to see just how hurt she was. Her nose was bleeding, her cheeks were littered with cuts and her knuckles were swollen and red – seems like she was in a fight.
Sayeon shifted closer and gently held Ryujin’s cheek, slowly turning her head to the side, looking for more injuries. She was slightly surprised that she even let her do that in the first place.
“Are you done staring?” Ryujin glared at her.
Sayeon rolled her eyes, “could you drop the attitude? Where else are you hurt?”
She frowned, “that’s none of your business. So leave me alone, won’t you? I have better things to do.”
The blue-eyed girl stood up and scowled, just why was she so difficult to deal with? Would it cost too much for her to not be an asshole?
“Oh is that it?” She crossed her arms, “better like sitting here like an absolute idiot just for another agent to find and report you? Don’t you have respect for your life, Ryujin?”
She tilted her head, “I don’t think you want to know the answer to that question.”
Sayeon bit her lip and felt herself getting hotter by the second, of course Ryujin would give her that answer; she was so insufferable and stubborn… Almost reminded her of… him. Sayeon had to bite back the urge to scold her for being so stupidly reckless.
Finally, she sighed, “just. Just stay here. I’ll be back.”
Sayeon rushed to the infirmary. It was completely empty by now, which was a good thing. Sayeon didn’t know what would happen to Ryujin if she asked for the help of an agent, but she did know that Ryujin wouldn’t appreciate it if she involved someone else in this mess. Guess it’s up to her to patch up that walking and talking nuisance. She opened the cabinets and grabbed an alcohol flask, some painkillers, napkins, band aids, a bottle of water and a white cloth. That should be enough.
When she got back to the gym, Ryujin had taken off her suit. She looked so… small and… exhausted. Sayeon sat by her side but Ryujin didn’t even bat an eye. She laid down her supplies, picked up a few painkillers and held out the bottle for Ryujin to take. It took the woman a few seconds to notice the water being offered to her, and when she did, she narrowed her eyes.
“What’s that?”
“Water and some painkillers.” She brought the bottle close to Ryujin’s lips, “take it. You’re in bad shape.”
Her brows furrowed, “I don’t need your pity.”
Sayeon let out a frustrated groan, “I’m not ‘pitying’ you. I know damn well you deserved the beating you got, but we are stuck together whether you like it or not, and I’d very much appreciate it if you didn’t die on me.” She tilted the bottle on her hands, “so how’s it gonna be? You’re going to sit there in pain until you pass out or are you going to accept my help and let me treat your injuries?”
Ryujin rolled her eyes and sighed, taking the bottle and medicine from Sayeon, who seemed satisfied. When she was done drinking, she passed the bottle back to Sayeon, who poured a little bit of water on top of a napkin and squeezed it.
“Alright, now let me fix that bloody nose of yours.”
Ryujin reluctantly turned her body towards Sayeon and tilted her head upwards. Sayeon held her head by the chin and used the wet napkin to clean all the bloodstains on her face, and although she was focused on her task, Sayeon didn’t miss the way Ryujin’s eyes followed her every move.
“Why are you doing this?”
Sayeon blinked, “what?”
“Why are you helping me?”
After she finished cleaning up the bloodstains, Sayeon leaned back and stared at her. Her face was absolutely spotless now, but she looked… almost wilted. Like a flower… Like Jaeil when he defended Sayeon from the stupid bullies in middle school.
Sayeon looked to the side, “Because I need a friend, and you remind me of him.” She wanted to say, but bit her tongue. She didn’t need to get even more emotional tonight. “Didn’t I tell you already? I don’t want you dying on me.”
She crumpled the napkin and took another one from the little box she had, twisted it and gently stuffed it inside Ryujin’s nose, stopping the blood from coming out.
“Besides, I may not like you, but I’m not heartless.”
She picked up a few band aids and used them to cover up the scratches on her cheeks. Her hands lingered for a second too long and Sayeon was reminded of when she was a young teen, how she met Jaeil and how he let her use her heart shaped band aids on him and just how brightly he smiled at her.
She missed him.
Sayeon broke eye contact and started fumbling through her supplies, taking the alcohol flask and the piece of cloth in her hands.
“Where else are you hurt?”
Ryujin hesitated before turning around and taking off her shirt. Sayeon’s eyes widened when she saw the state her back was in. She was full of cuts and purple spots; Sayeon poured a bit of alcohol on the cloth and gently wiped it across her skin, disinfecting her bruises. Ryujin gritted her teeth and sucked in a breath. Sayeon frowned when she saw just how deep those cuts were. She didn’t know who Ryujin was fighting, but whoever it was, they really didn’t want her to come out alive.
She desperately wanted to know what happened, but knew better than to pester her about it when she already told her to screw off, so she decided to ask about something that was still nagging her at the back of her head.
“Why did you come through the back? You could have come in through the front doors. Someone would have seen you.”
Ryujin let out a half-hearted laugh, “that’s the problem. Don’t you remember, Sayeon? The Corps are looking for an excuse to kill me. If they find out that I was involved in a fight outside of our borders, I’d be done for.”
“So that’s why you came in through the gym?”
She nodded and said nothing more. Sayeon wanted to question her a little further, but she figured that by this point if she wanted to say something, she would. It’d be better for her to stay quiet and finish her job. Sayeon picked up a few more band aids and covered all the cuts that she could, but a few of them were too deep for her band aids. She shook her head, frustrated, she should’ve brought bandages instead.
“You can dress up now.”
Ryujin sighed and put her shirt back on, but didn’t turn to face Sayeon.
“I heard your scream.” She said, “I knew that you wouldn’t rat me out and…” she swallowed, “I didn’t know where else to go.” Her voice was shaking and it seemed as if she was about to cry.
Sayeon blinked in surprise. So that’s why she came to her.. She put her hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her.
“Ryujin I…”
“Don’t say anything,” she snapped, “don’t think that you know me just because I was desperate.”
Ryujin tried to look angry but her eyes deceived her. They were glossy and Sayeon could see just how hurt she was. Sayeon was reminded of her sister, and how she told Samin she hated her when she was just sad and how she regretted all her words when she woke up in the morning.
It was almost as if she was looking at a mirror.
“I know we aren’t the best of friends, but I’ll watch your back as long as you’re inside the Corps.”
Ryujin’s expression changed for a split second, as if a sudden memory had struck her. The tears she was holding up finally rolled down her face. She groaned in frustration before looking away and wiping her eyes with her sleeves.
“Let’s not talk about this in the morning, alright?”
Sayeon couldn’t tell whether she was talking about her injuries or her tears, but she nodded anyway.
“Do you want to go back to our cell?”
Ryujin shook her head, “I’ll stay for just a while longer. And you?”
“Won’t you stay with me, too?”
Sayeon shifted closer, their shoulders brushing against each other. She knew that staying wasn’t a good idea, but she wasn’t going to refuse Ryujin now.
As they shared their silence, Sayeon remembered how she’d sit with her mother on the playground’s bench after she scraped her knee. Her mother would wipe away her tears with her nails, give her a kiss and they’d talk about whatever it is that was on her mind at the moment. She could barely remember her mother’s face, but she knew that she was kind, comforting and that she loved her more than anything else in this world.
Normally she’d find solace in those memories, but she couldn’t bring herself to relax now. Not when she was at the brink of death at every second. Not when someone else needed the support she couldn’t even give herself. She didn’t protest when the hours passed and Ryujin leaned against her shoulder and dozed off.
Guess they were sleeping in the gym tonight. Well, she could think of an excuse for Agent Sang in the morning.
Because at that moment, she didn’t feel as lonely as she did before.