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I lay on my back staring at the ceiling, fall out boy screaming from my headphones. I turned the volume on full, but the music still couldn’t drown out my parents screaming in the next room. They were fighting about money, their jobs, me and my brother, little things like dad not wiping his feet before stepping in the house and mum spending too much money on herself. I don’t remember a time they weren’t like this. They were fighting in my first memory of them. I couldn’t imagine them ever having loved each other. So why did they even get married? At least they wouldn’t have me.
I wouldn’t have to think of how to kill myself because I wouldn’t even exist. What do I even exist for?
A hard existential crisis hit me and I tried not to have a panic attack, shutting my eyes, trying to slow my breathing. Concentrating on the music. On the bed sheet under me. On my heart beating.
As my breathing got back to normal I slowly opened my eyes again, but this time I didn’t see the ceiling.
Right above me were two eyes, bluer than I ever saw, like an ocean with green and brown splotches in it. But to those beautiful eyes belonged a face. A boy was hovering over me.
As I realized there was a stranger in my room, I wanted to shout as a reflex, but before a sound could get out of me, he put one hand on my mouth, and pulled out the earplugs from my ears with the other in one moment.
I put a finger on his mouth and winked.
“It’s me!” he whispered from so close I could feel his breath on my face.” It’s Phil!” he smirked charmingly.
I was breathing hard against his hand but didn’t let out a sound. Who was this guy?
“Do you remember me?” I saw a bit of disappointment in his eyes.
I shook my head, which made him frown a bit and let go of me.
“Who the hell are you? And how did you get in my room?” I sat up, pushing him aside and looking around the room until my eyes stuck on my wardrobe. Except... that was it. It wasn’t my wardrobe.
“What the f...” I bolted up towards it, but this guy got there before me like a lightning.
“Woah, careful with this! I just bought it. You were the first person I came to visit with it.”
“What, visit? Me? How the hell did you get this in here?!” I tried to get to it again, but he put his hand on my chest to stop me.
“Ah... wanna see something?” He asked smirking.
Before I could react, he stepped into the wardrobe and closed the door.
I snickered.
“Are you gonna tell me you just came from Narnia, or... woah!” I backed up wide eyed.
The wardrobe suddenly started to fade giving out a strange sound. A big blow of wind hit me, messing up my hair and making me look away for a second. When I looked back, the wardrobe wasn’t there anymore.
I stood there for a few seconds blinking in unbelief. I had no idea of what just happened. I slowly approached the place from where the wardrobe disappeared, looking for some sort of trick.
A minute or so later I heard the sound again, and there it was: the wardrobe in it’s full size. The doors opened and there stood this stranger in different clothes, as if he just ran the world in a minute, looking really smart.
After waiting a few seconds for a reaction from me, he answered without a question.
“I’m a time traveler. This is my time machine.” he said and flipped his black hair.” What do you think? Would you like to try it out?”
I looked at him, then at the wardrobe, then in his eyes. He looked honest.
“How do I know I can trust you?” I asked, my heart beating faster than on all of my previous panic attacks. But this time it wasn’t a panic attack. It was beating so fast from excitement.
“You don’t” he answered. Honestly. No eyes like that could ever lie.
I looked around at my room. My parents were still screaming at each other in the other room, I heard my brother whimpering in another. I wouldn’t miss anything or anyone here. Everything is better than this.
Without a second thought I stepped into the wardrobe with this boy.
***
I traveled time and space with Phil in his time machine called the Tardis which was bigger on the inside and changed it’s look on the outside every time we landed on a different planet.
“Why me, amazing Phil?” I asked one day, looking at different constellations in the galaxy as we were choosing a new planet to visit. I liked to call him amazing Phil. At first it was only to tease him, but in truth it was because I thought he was just amazing. Whenever I looked at him, that was the first thing that popped into my mind.
“Because I promised you” he looked at me smiling. His nose crinkled and his lips were pressed together in a cute side-smirk.
“When?” I asked then we both burst out laughing. I looked at him put his tongue out a little as he did every time he laughed hard.
We both knew that was a silly question as time all blended into one moment for time travelers.
“You made me promise to come back, and I did.” he said looking into my eyes.” It was the first thing I did when I could travel.”
My heart stopped for a minute. I wondered what kind of me he could’ve met to make such an intimidating person want to travel with me. I wished I became that person soon, so I could please him. I wanted to do everything for him, as he already did everything for me. He saved me.
***
I’ve been traveling with Phil for over a year now and something changed lately. I didn’t know what, but I knew something was bothering him. He tried not to show it, but I saw it in his eyes. They didn’t shine as bright as they once did.
“Phil...” I approached him one day. He stood at the Tardis’ controllers staring at the message screen, but when I appeared, he quickly turned it off.
“Hey...” he turned around and smiled at me.
“Is something wrong?” I asked looking down at him as I was weirdly a few inches taller than him.
“Why would anything be wrong?” he asked fixing his fringe as he always did when he was nervous.
“You seem... distracted.” I said.
“No, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Don’t you worry, Daniel!” he called me by my full name whenever he was acting formal.
“Phil...” I said and touched his hand, but he pulled away then pretended like nothing happened.
“Where should we go next? Galatana? Bremsey? Oh, there’s a planet which is just out of water. It’s very interesting. You could travel to the centre of it and over to the other side. Of course, a human couldn’t do that by themselves, but with the perfect-”
“I’d rather stay in the Tardis today.” I said walking away.” I don’t feel like traveling.”
My heart sank and I didn’t even know why. I just felt like I did something wrong. Like I disappointed him. My amazing Phil.
***
“Dan” Phil said next day and I looked up hopefully. Maybe he would finally explain things.
“I have to take you back.”
“Back where?” I asked confused.
“Home” he looked at me with sad blue eyes. They looked a deep blue today. Dark, like the bottom of an ocean full of people’s darkest secrets and lost hopes.
I wanted to answer ‘I’m home’ but then I realized what he meant. He meant back to England. To my hometown, to my fighting parents and judgmental brother, my bullying classmates. I suddenly panicked.
“What do you mean you have to take me back?!” I asked.” Wh... you can’t do that!”
“Yes I can!” he flashed at me.
I pressed my lips together, my face paled.
“Is this because of what I said yesterday?” I asked.
“It’s not save for you where I’m going.” Phil said avoiding eye contact.
“What do you mean not safe, we’ve been to the beginning and end of the world, was that safe? Where are you going?” I asked.
He didn’t look at me, but started the Tardis and hit in the coordinations of England.
“Tell me!” I yelled at him, but he still didn’t speak.” Phil, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on!” he was scaring me.
He finally looked at me and walked up close to me.
“I’m going back to my home planet, Gallifrey.” he said.
“So take me with you.” I demanded.
“I can’t he” shook his head, his black fringe flipping ot the side.
“Why not?!”
“Because there is a war.” Phil said seriously.” A big war, the biggest war of all time. The time war.”
“Then why are you going? If it’s so dangerous?” I asked, my heart starting to beat fast, my head spinning faster than the Earth.
“I must. It’s my home planet. I must fight on their side.” he said then gulped. I knew he didn’t like fighting.
“Well then put me down somewhere else. Then you can just come back with the Tardis as soon as it’s all over and I won’t ever realize you were gone.” I said, then a terrible thought hit me.” Because you’ll come back. You’ll come back, right?”
“I will.” he said solemnly, which made me relax a little. He would never lie to me.
“Then why can’t you just put me down somewhere else? I don’t wanna go back home. Please.” I started begging.
He looked down without answering, fixed his fringe, then started the Tardis. I ran towards him to stop him, but the machine already started and blew me off my feet so I fell against the wall.
“Phil... amazing Phil... please...” as hard as I tried to push back tears, my fear pushed them out and they rolled down my cheeks.
We stopped and Phil walked past me to open the door. I stood up and looked out at my room. It looked exactly the same as when I left it. Because he took me back to the same day. We just left off for our first and longest journey together a few minutes ago. Nobody noticed I was missing.
Phil then walked up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. He looked serious, his eyes red, his lips quivering. But he didn’t cry. He never cried. He was never scared. He was amazing.
“Never worry about me” he smiled with his old smile I didn’t see for weeks. He smiled for me one last time.” I promise you I’ll survive the war. I’ll come back. But you must promise me, you’ll live happily. Always. The memories we had together will keep you happy” He said.
But before I could answer anything, he suddenly put his hands from my shoulders on my cheeks, and pressed his lips against mine. I didn’t have time to think about what was happening or why, all I could think of was the moment that was happening. His lips against mine sent an electrifying feeling through me that I never felt before at any of my kisses.
I put my hand up to touch his hand, but before I could hold on to it, he pulled away and stepped back into the Tardis. Before I could think of anything he was gone.
“Goodbye amazing Phil...” I whispered.
***
I stood there like that, still feeling his lips on mine and the vibe it sent through me, waiting for hours if he might come back. But he didn’t.
It was time to go to sleep then wake up the next morning, go to school, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep, and over and over again every day.
It was as if everything was back to the way it was before... except it wasn’t. I was living. I finally had something to live for. he was waiting. Waiting for someone. Because that someone never lied to me.
***
Two months passed since Phil left me in my room. Technically I’ve only known him for five minutes. That sounded so weird. Like that year was taken away from me.
I imagined he was traveling on his own.But he would come back for me one day. he just took a day. It was better to imagine him alone and lonely, than in a war, fighting, his friends and family falling beside him, while I couldn’t be there to help him.
I was always there. We were always there for each other.
I was walking home from school, when suddenly I saw two blue eyes flash near me.
“Phil?” I whispered happily and followed the person into the park that was empty this late. “Phil?”
The person stopped and I could finally run to him. But it was a child.
“Oh, I’m sorry... I thought you were...” I started, then the boy turned around and I stopped.
He had shinig blue eyes. Deep as the ocean with green and brown specks. Just like my Phil.
“It can’t be...” I whispered.
“Who are you? Where am I?” the boy asked clearly afraid but his voice didn’t quiver a bit.
“It’s okay. I’m a friend, I’m here to help” I said kneeling next to him.” tell me what happened.”
“I... I don’t remember...” he said wide eyed. I could see that he was terrified. But he didn’t cry. Of course. Phil never cried.
“It’s okay, okay. You’re from Gallifrey, right?” I asked him, trying to keep his mind off of scary things. That’s what I used to do when I had panic attacks.
“Yes. Isn’t this Gallifrey?” he asked.
“No. This is the Earth” I answered.
“Where’s that?” he asked.
“It’s another, much smaller planet.” I responded.
“How will I get back? I don’t have a time machine yet, I’m only 11!” he said looking around the strange new place.
“Don’t worry, you will.” I said.
“How do you know?” he asked strangely.
“I’m a friend” I said smiling.” A really good friend.”
“I know you?” he asked.
I nodded, then held my hand out.
“My name’s Dan.”
“Phil” he introduced himself and we shook hands.
“Look, whatever got you here, you’re safe. Nothing ever happens on Earth.” I said when he started to look worried again.” Human’s are mostly dumb. They don’t even believe there is life on other planet.”
“That’s stupid.” Phil said.
“It is. But it keeps enemies away. Most of them aren’t interested in a place like this” I said trying my best to repeat everything Phil ever told me.” I don’t know how you got here but whatever it was, it can take you back too. Meanwhile, you can come up to my place. I live just a few blocks from here, you can see it from here” I pointed at my house.” I don’t want to leave you out here in the cold.”
“I’m fine” Phil said flipping his fringe.
“Nah, c’mon! I told you, I’m a friend!” I winked and stood up.
After considering it for a few seconds he stood up too and we started to walk towards our house, but suddenly I heard a too familiar sound which made my hopes rise.
“Do you hear that sound?” I asked looking around.
“It’s a Tardis!” Phil exclaimed. Soon enough a red telephone box appeared and out came a man in his thirties.
“Phil! Come, we must run!” he shouted and Phil did, leaving me standing there alone.
But right before the Tardis disappeared, I remembered something.
“Promise me you’ll come back!” I shouted.” Phil promise me you’ll come back!”
The boy looked back and smirked.
“Don’t you worry about me.”