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It wasn't often Bede felt terrible for what he’s done. Actually, He doesn't think he’s genuinely felt bad for anything he did until now.
Sitting out in a secluded area of Wyndon, he thought about his life before Opal took him in. He told her he was going out of town to get some stuff for his pokemon, which he didn’t need to do. He learned rather quickly that as long as he came home before she went to bed that she didn’t mind where he went. The new freedom was weird, and it still made him feel weird, so he continued to come up with excuses like he did with Rose.
He cringed. Thinking of his name only made his chest hurt more.
He came here to try and reflect on everything since it’s where he grew up half his life. It didn’t necessarily feel like home to him, but it’s where some of the good moments in his life happened. Even if he could count the number of times he genuinely felt relaxed in this area on his fingers, he still couldn’t ignore the fact that he genuinely felt relaxed at times, despite everything.
Like when Rose gave him a few coins to toss in the fountain to keep him occupied. Maybe he was too young and naive to know why he had later feared Rose’s random acts of kindness, but he remembered making stupid wishes he thought would come true. Even if the fountain is the place he got left for two nights because Rose forgot to take him home, the good seemed to still override the neglectful event in Bede’s mind. I mean, he eventually came back instead of leaving him there forever. Well, that's what Rose told him.
He hated it sometimes. Most of the time. Maybe all the time. He hated Rose or felt like he was supposed to hate him. No, he hates him. He’s a bad person.
Maybe he didn’t want to believe it. He was blind to Rose's actions, blind to the treatment he got, blind to who he really was. Maybe he feels stupid for being oblivious to it. Or maybe he still thinks of Rose as a dad. He hates to admit it but he did see him as a father figure, he couldn't deny it, especially after accidentally calling him dad once. He wished he could forget the embarrassing memory, but it was very present in his mind. It reminded him daily of how he wasn't supposed to see Rose like that. Only as his superior, like a school principal or something.
He needs to stop thinking about Rose and more about why he really came here.
He told himself it was just to reflect and think about what went wrong, but deep down he knew he was here for a specific someone.
It happened on a sleepless night, tossing and turning because he couldn’t get it out of his head. He was the reason the darkest day happened. If he hadn't given Rose the wishing stars, it would’ve never happened. That night was full of self-depreciation about how desperate and foolish he was. How frenzied he was for either attention or to escape punishment and how empty-headed he got when it came to actually finding what he needed.
But his main thought was how he almost killed the chairman and how – and why – said chairman still supports him. Leon didn’t hesitate to give Bede his Gym License when Opal wished for him to take over, nor did he mind when he was so short with him. He made his brother cry on multiple occasions, hit him a few times – even if he could never get that information waterboarded out of him; he was too embarrassed to admit he would get physical when overwhelmed – almost killing him along with his friend. Why wasn't he mad at him? He’s the reason Leon has a prosthetic leg, a cane, and chronic pains now. Honestly, he didn’t know why he didn’t just whack him over the head the second he asked for a Gym License; he expected it too. It’s not anything new to him, he’s been struck before for minor things which made him think Leon would want to beat him to death if anything. But no, nothing but a bright smile and a license.
He came here to apologize, which he’s never done to anyone before. Well, sincerely anyways. He’s always apologized to please people – Rose, but never did he really feel bad.
He was sitting outside the Battle Tower, his Sylveon in his lap, and his thoughts out of control like normal. Saying sorry didn’t seem like enough, nor did coming up with a bunch of words ending in “I’m sorry.” This was confusing and frustrating, which seemed to alert his Sylveon.
Kipp – a temporary name that ended up sticking with her – lifted her head and nuzzled his leg, making a small noise.
Bede sighed and started petting her, thinking that was what she wanted. “Sorry, Kipp, I just don’t know what to do.”
Kipp got out of his lap, stitching with a yawn before sitting directly in front of him.
“What?” Bede questioned, sitting up and looking her in the eye.
“Sylve…” She nodded her head, pawing at the air a few times.
He looked away and hugged his knees. “It’s nothing important,” He said, sighing.
She huffed and continued her pawing.
Bede couldn’t help but smile. “You’re so stubborn,” he commented, petting her which made her purr slightly. “Fine, I’ll tell you since you’re so cute.”
Kipp scooted closer and tilted her head.
“So, you know how Rose had me collect wishing stars for him and how I caused the darkest day because of it?” He looked at Kipp, who only furrowed her brow, “I-I feel… bad… which is weird because I usually never feel bad for anything, but… I almost killed Leon, and even though I barely know him, I still feel bad? I mean, I think I feel bad because I almost destroyed the whole region because of my stupidity, but I feel extra bad because he almost died from it… I know I get physical when I’m upset and I’ve hurt people before, but this felt different and I don’t know why…”
He lowered his face to his knees and sighed once again.
Kipp nipped at his knee, causing Bede to flinch. “What’s wrong? You bothered me for an answer!”
“Eon-Eon!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
“Sylve-Syl!”
“What? Do you know why I feel like this?!”
“Veon!” Kipp stamped her back paw, huffing, and nodding.
Bede perked up. “You do?”
Kipp smiled and ran off to a nearby bush, wagging her tail with each trot.
Bede leaned over to watch her, making sure she didn’t just run off. “What’re you doing…” He watched Kipp go headfirst into the bush and rustle around. After a few seconds of flailing, she came out and trotted back to Bede. She was holding a rose in one ribbon and a dandelion in another.
Bede almost tilted his head, “Flowers? For what?”
Kipp set them down gently before a short piaffe, something she did before when she used to do performances for Bede. She picked the Rose up carefully, making sure Bede saw. He nodded his head and continued to watch, still confused.
He didn’t expect Kipp to throw it on the ground with force before stomping all over it.
“Hey, careful! Those have thorns!” He reached out to grab her before she hurt herself, but she seemed pretty adamant about smooshing the rose into the ground. She wriggled her way out of Bede's grip and continued her assault. Before he could grab her again, she picked it up and started tearing the remaining petals off with her ribbons, making them all fall into a pile. She threw the stem into the pile and looked at Bede.
He only looked at her, “What was that for?”
“Eon.” She chirped while staring at him, almost giving him a telling look.
Bede looked back and forth from the pile and Kipp a few times before he made any sort of connection. “You… don’t like roses?”
Kipp’s face dropped and she grunted, basically her way of saying “really?”
Bede shrugged and huffed. “I don’t know!”
Kipp pointed to the Battle Tower behind them then back to the pile with her ribbon.
Again, Bede took a second to come up with a second realization. “You don’t like roses as in Chairman Rose?- er, well he’s not really chairman anymore but you know what I mean.”
Kipp nodded, jumping a bit, making happy noises.
Bede snorted, “Well I knew that! No one likes Rose anymore.”
Anymore.
Kipp wrapped a ribbon around his arm, sensing he got upset. He pulled away, trying to hide it. “Seriously though, I already knew you didn’t like him. So, what was that for? Are you trying to say he’s bad or something?”
She nodded, kicking at the pile. Bede watched her mess around with the petals, as he didn’t know how to respond. He knew Rose was bad, maybe she was trying to convince him or something.
Kipp could tell he was still upset, so she tried to do something silly to make him smile, but he seemed stuck in his head. So, she thought of something that used to make him laugh when he was younger. She walked over the pile and lifted her leg, which grabbed Bede’s attention.
“Oi! Don’t pee in the middle of the path!!” He shouted, grabbing her up and walking her over to a patch of grass to do her business.
Kipp let out a few chips that could be giggles and nuzzled his leg.
Bede rolled his eyes, which wasn't the reaction she was looking for. She walked back over to grab the dandelion.
“Who’s that supposed to be?” Bede asked, walking back over.
Kipp pointed up to the building again, but when that didn’t work, she pointed at a nearby poster of Leon.
“Leon?” He asked, looking down at her.
She nodded and placed the flower in his hand, which he took.
“How is Leon a dandelion?” he asked himself, “Never mind that, what’s this for?”
Kipp cocked her head to the building.
Bede frowned. “Talk to him?”
“Veon!” She wagged her tail.
“Maybe one day… I don’t know what to say.” He admitted. Kipp nuzzled him and purred, seeming to appreciate his honesty.
Bede looked up at the tower for a second, thinking of a conversation between him and Leon and how many ways it could go wrong. He didn’t want to think of that right now. He looked back at the weed before placing it on the ground.
“Let’s head home, Kipp. I’m tired.”
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Another few sleepless nights and constant head fog caused him to go back to Wyndon and to the Battle Tower. He didn't enter, but he stood in front of it like last time. No one was usually here around this time, meaning he got to think in peace.
Kipp was with him again, this time she stood with him quietly. She didn’t seem as chatty or energetic as usual.
“I thought about what I wanted to say,” Bede said. Kipp looked at him, tilting her head to let him know she was listening. “I… I wanna tell him how I feel instead of just apologizing… I feel like that’s the best thing to do since I can’t seem to come up with an apology. Maybe he’ll understand what I’m feeling? But that's also really scary…” He mumbled the last part.
Kipp gave him a sympathetic look and nuzzled his leg and gave him a few licks.
Bede held his arms, almost as if to imitate a hug. “I-I’m scared he might take advantage of me like Rose did… I don’t think I can handle that right now. Or ever.” He let out a shaky sigh. “I know he’s a good person, but… I don't know… I’m still really scared… W-What if he does what Rose did and he…” He whipped his eyes before he let a tear fall.
Kipp wrapped a ribbon around his upper arm and squeezed it, looking up at him.
“I’m sorry…” He said, letting go of himself and letting her ribbon wrap around the rest of his arm. “I think this is what Opal means when I need to let myself feel vulnerable in certain situations.” Kipp gave him a small chirp and continued to lick his leg.
Bede squatted down to pet her, making her purr. “I love you, Kipp. I’m not sure what I’d do without you.” He gave her head a quick kiss before standing up straight again.
“Alright. I’m gonna do this…” He didn’t sound as confident as he wanted, but it was something.
“Sylveon!” Kipp called, hopping in place. “Syl-Sylve!”
Bede couldn’t help but smile. “Right! I’m gonna go and tell him how I feel!” He said with the confidence he originally wanted.
Kipp chirped and started to run over to the tower, which made Bede follow behind since her ribbon was still wrapped around him. He chanted with each step.
“I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna-”
He practically slammed the doors open, making the staff inside look at him. He stood there for a second or two with his arms in front of him, not quite realizing how loud that was going to be. He felt his face heat up before shuffling over to the front desk.
The lady behind the desk gave him a weird look. “Battling hours end soon,” she started, pointing to the clock behind her.
Bede looked at the clock, then back at her. “I know. I don’t wanna battle, I wanna talk to Mr. Leon… If that’s okay,” He rushed the last part.
The receptionist looked him up and down. “Do you have an appointment?”
He blinked. “Uh… No…?”
“Didn’t think so.” She looked back at her computer and typed a few things. Bede was about to say something, but she spoke before him. “I’ll see if he’s available.”
“Okay.” He stood there and waited for her to make a phone call or something, but she only gave him another weird look. Bede looked down at Kipp to avoid eye contact and try to make this whole situation less embarrassing. She smiled up at him and wagged her tail.
“You can sit over there while you wait.” It was more of a demand than a request, but Bede took it. He needs to get used to social cues before he dies of embarrassment one of these days.
He's been in this chair for what seems like hours, but according to the clock, it’s only been twenty-ish minutes. He didn’t hear or see the receptionist call anyone, which made him think she forgot, but he was too nervous to say something. He’s used to everyone – mainly if not all being allistic – getting upset when he asks for something more than once, so he’s learned to only ask once, and if they forget then it isn't that important.
After another ten minutes, the phone rang. She picked it up relatively fast and luckily Bede was close enough to hear the conversation.
“Hello, sir?”
“Heya! Sorry, I didn’t see the email till now-”
“It’s alright, sir,”
“You know you can always call me instead of sending me an email, it’s faster to get a hold of me that way.”
“Noted.” She paused to look at Bede. “You have a visitor.”
“Oh? I don’t have anything on my calendar…”
“They came unannounced.”
“Well, who is it?”
The lady looked at Bede again but longer this time, which made him curl up a bit. “Bede, Ballonlea's Gym leader.”
“Oh! Did he say what about?”
“He said he wanted to talk to you.”
“Alright, well, send him up. Send someone with him so he doesn't get lost, please.”
“Yes sir.”
She put the phone down and signaled to one of the guys standing by the elevator. “Take him up to Mr. Leon.”
“Right on,” He looked at Bede, who took that as a sign to get up and scramble over to him. He held Kipp close to his chest while he led Bede to Leon.
Now, he knows this place like the back of his hand – unless Leon’s changed the interior completely – so he found it dumb that someone needed to escort him, but he didn’t say anything.
When the elevator finally reached the top floor, he held Kipp closer since a crowd of trainers seemed to have been waiting to get down. His escort had them move, which made Bede want to shrivel up and die. Being the center of attention was something he was never used to, which is why in situations like these he wanted to curl up like a Sandshrew and disappear.
He led Bede to a door and looked down at him. “Knock before going in.” That was all the guy said before leaving.
“Uh,” Bede didn’t know what to say and he was gone before he could think of anything.
He looked at the door, which had Leon’s name on it. He suddenly felt really scared again, which made anxiety bubble up in his chest.
Kipp chirped and nuzzled his cheek. “Eon,”
Bede took a deep breath and nodded. “Right, I can do this.”
He told himself that one more time before knocking.
He held his breath as he waited for something to happen.
The door opened, and Bede let out a louder-than-expected exhale, which only made Leon smile. “You alright, Bede?”
Bede nodded and felt his face go hot. “Yeah! Uh- I mean- yes. Just fine.”
Leon chuckled and invited him into his office. Bede walked in and looked around. It seemed pretty empty and it was in a different room and layout compared to Rose's old office. There were a few more plants and some papers on the floor. Yes, on the floor. He initially wanted to cringe at it, as something like that would’ve set Rose off, but he kept it to himself.
The click of the door closing made him snap out of observing, he immediately felt his whole body tingle and his eyes widen.
Leon didn’t seem to notice or Bede hid his anxiety well, but he walked over and sat on his chair, making it spin a bit before letting out a sigh. “Sorry, I haven't been able to unwind all day.”
This felt too familiar.
Suddenly Leon was closer than before, reaching out to pet Kipp on the head. “Kipp, right?”
Bede felt frozen, but he stammered out an answer. “Y-Yeah. S-She doesn't…” He couldn’t finish his sentence as Kipp leaned right into Leon’s hand.
“Sylveons are such lovely pokemon, don’t you agree?” Leon gave him a small smile which only made his stomach twist uncomfortably.
Why was he being so friendly? He just got here.
“Yeah…” He said between his teeth. He backed away instinctively, which made Kipp and Leon confused. “Listen, I’m not doing whatever it is you want me to do.” It probably came out more aggressive than Bede wanted it to considering how Leon reacted.
“Oh! I’m sorry!” He laughed nervously which made Bede tense more. “I didn't want anything, sorry if I came off like that! I was trying to make you feel more comfortable. You seem really tense.”
Bullshit.
Bede looked over at the door, then back at Leon. “Why’d you close the door?”
Leon looked at the door, “Whoops! Sorry, out of habit. I can keep it open if you’d like!” He got up and opened the door before waiting for Bede’s response.
Bede immediately felt better, but he was still annoyed at how kind he was being. Kipp noticed and wrapped a ribbon around his arm, trying to calm him down. He took a deep breath like how Opal taught him before looking up at Leon. Even in his seat, he was still taller than him, which intimidated him but he can ignore it.
Bede took another deep breath before starting. “I wanted to talk about… Uhm…”
Arceus, don’t blank now!
“Take your time, Bede.” Leon tried.
He was taking his time and he was whether he wanted him to or not. He must have said it out loud since he heard Leon say sorry, which is really what sent him over.
“Why are you apologizing?! I need to be the one to do that!” He snapped, surprising Leon, “I’m the reason the darkest day happened! I provided him with the wishing stars, I did everything he wanted, I always tried to please him no matter what it took! If I just looked and tried to see what he was having me do I could’ve stopped it! I-I almost destroyed the entire region because of my stupidity!”
“Bede-”
“I almost killed you! I’m the reason you lost your leg and are always in pain! I hurt your brother and his friend, I’m a shitty person, I don’t even know how to control my emotions-” He squeezed Kipp, which made her squeak, “Why are you so nice to me?! Genuinely I don’t understand how you don’t want to beat the shit out of me or something! I’ve done nothing but bad- I’m a terrible person! I really am and you’re still nice to me? Why?! You gave me a Gym License with no thought, you didn’t ask anything of me- You didn’t-”
“Bede- Hey-”
“Shut up! Just tell me what you want and don’t play the same game Rose played with me!” He didn’t realize how much he raised his voice, but it sounded a whole octave higher than usual.
Leon didn’t do anything until Bede dropped Kipp and became a sobbing mess. He let him scream about everything he needed to scream about, let him do whatever he needed to do. When he couldn’t seem to say anything comprehensible, he said something.
He ended up sitting next to Bede to be at his eye level. “It’s okay, Bede. I know it’s hard to trust me, and I don’t expect you to do so right away, but I want you to know that I’m not Rose, and I’m not gonna do whatever he did to you.”
He knew what whatever was. He knew how Rose was.
Bede only cried, scooting away from Leon. He took the initiative to keep his distance and let Bede calm down on his own, as being close to him will only make things work. Even Kipp kept her distance. She seemed to know what to do, this probably wasn't the first time she’s seen her trainer like this.
Leon sat there until Bede’s breathing seemed to become consistent and his shaking calmed down. He didn’t say anything though, as he didn’t want to accidentally cause another panic attack.
Bede took one last deep breath before bringing his knees to his face and hugging them. “I’m really sorry.”
He wanted to ask “for what?” but that would probably make him upset. “You don’t need to apologize, Bede.”
Bede didn’t believe him but didn’t say so.
They stayed silent for a minute before Bed stretched out and reached out for Kipp. “I’m sorry you saw that and had to deal with that. I should probably go.”
Leon frowned. “Bede, you can talk to me,”
He couldn’t.
“Really, you can,”
Whatever. He stood up and picked Kipp up.
“You’re not alone, Bede,”
He started to walk to the door.
“Rose hurt me too,”
Bede froze. He looked behind him, seeing Leon still on the floor.
“ What..? ” He asked, almost… confused?
“It’s not your fault, Bede. He did it to everyone he could.” Leon stated, which made Bede feel… Arceus knows how he’s feeling right now.
They looked at each other for what felt like forever.
How did it get to this? Both felt more vulnerable than they’d like to be, both felt so incredibly uncomfortable yet so… alright…? It was weird for both of them. Leon was opening up to a kid who was probably a little older than his brother, Hop, and Bede was just now finding out it wasn’t his fault Rose hurt him all this time.
Bede swallowed, watching Leon closely. “He… hurt you too…?”
“It wasn’t your fault.” He repeated.
He suddenly wanted to cry again, but he kept it inside. He couldn’t cry again, not after having a panic attack right in front of Leon.
Bede didn't seem to understand.
Rose always told him he had to do everything he did to keep him in check and that if he just behaved and wasn't a bad kid he wouldn’t have to do any of what he did. Leon wasn't… Leon was far from bad. He was Galar's role model, he was on every billboard and had to ever exist. He was Leon the Great, Leon the undefeatable champion, Leon the… bad kid. It didn’t suit him. So why did Rose hurt him too?
“He hit you?” Bede asked pretty bluntly, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around it.
Leon’s frown shifted slightly, but he stayed completely still. Bede felt his stomach hurt.
“He called you mean names and hurt your pokemon?” Blunt, again, but more frantic.
No reaction, just the same sad look.
“He…” Bede didn't want to say it.
Say something. Please.
“Bede…” It was small and weak. Why why was he the one seeing Leon like this?! He came here to apologize and now he’s learning he wasn't alone?
Bede sniffed, and his eyes became teary.
“He touched you too…?”
He nodded and Bede couldn’t do anything to stop his tears from flowing. Some part of him felt… relieved almost? He just learned it wasn't all him. But another part felt bad… Guilty? No… Sympathy. He’s hurting for him. He can barely remember what he’s been through without wanting to sob and now he knew Leon went through it too? He didn't even know Leon personally, all he ever knew was what happened publicly.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He couldn’t stop apologizing, but he didn't know why. Kipp jumped out of his arms and snuggled around his feet, trying to comfort him.
“Bede,” Leon said, holding his arms out slightly, “Do you want a hug?”
Yes.
He thought twice before jumping straight into his arms. What if – even after all this – he was just gonna strip him down or choke him or- Fucking hell, it’s Leon, not Rose. Anyone is better than Rose. He needs to let his guard down and just let it happen.
He shuffled over and awkwardly leaned into Leon, who wrapped his arms around him. This felt… nice. All the times Rose offered him a hug, it was always for a certain reason, but now he could tell that this wasn't for that reason.
He hasn't been hugged in… a while. It felt different, but he tried to just let himself cry and open up to Leon.
He let himself vent about everything Rose did to him and Arceus he didn’t know how bad he needed to do that. Opal had pried once but he quickly shut her down and she didn’t ask again, which was nice of her but he didn’t realize how heavy all these emotions were getting.
When he finished, Leon shared some of his stories. Not all, of course, as Bede’s still a kid and he didn't wanna trauma dump to a fifteen-year-old, but he shared what he thought Bede might have found relatable.
They hugged for a while, neither of them pushing away before Bede sniffled. “I’m sorry… I really am… I feel bad for everything…”
Leon ran a hand through Bede’s hair, which he seemed to find comforting. “Shh… Bede, none of this was your fault. I know that’s going to take a lot of time to believe – even I still sometimes blame myself – but I need you to know that it might seem rough now, but I promise it’ll get better. The darkest day was not your fault, it was all Rose’s fault. Don’t blame yourself for giving him the wishing stars, he would’ve gotten them even if he never took you in, he just used you and I hate to say that but-”
“I know he used me,” Bede said.
Leon sighed and took a second to continue. “The darkest day wasn't your fault. Nothing Rose did was your fault. He was a shitty person and you didn’t know any better. That’s his whole ordeal. He finds people he can manipulate and does just that. You were so young, you didn’t deserve any of it either, no matter what he told you. I’m sorry he hurt you too, Bede. You didn’t deserve it.”
Now Bede wanted to cry because he's never been talked to like this before. It felt really relieving. He didn’t believe everything he said right away, but at the moment it was nice.
They hugged for a while longer before Bede squirmed. Leon let him go, watching him wipe his face.
Kipp licked at Bede’s arm, which made him smile.
“I… Uh…” Bede looked up at Leon. “Thank you…”
It was small and quiet, but Leon knew it meant a lot.
Leon smiled and ruffled Bede’s hair a bit. “Of course. If you ever want to talk, or need help, you can come to me. I’ll always make time if you need it.”
Bede’s face got hot. Again, the center of attention, and even though he quite literally was the only one Leon was focusing on for the past half hour, right now made him get all embarrassed. He wanted to protest against what he said, but he really did like the idea of going to him.
It’s weird. He’s never trusted someone so fast before and he’s always sworn he’d never give someone his trust unless they prove themselves, but all Leon had to do was tell him he wasn't alone and it was all over.
Bede stood up, Leon following suit.
“I mean it, Bede. If you need to talk you can always talk to me.” Leon said, adjusting his prosthetic a bit.
Bede couldn’t stop smiling, even when he tried his cheeks didn’t seem to relax. “T-Thanks… Really,”
“Anytime,” Leon said.
Bede picked Kipp up. She wrapped her ribbons around her trainer's body, probably as a way to hug him. “I should probably get home now. I don’t want Opal to worry about me,”
Leon chuckled, “Of course, get there safe.”
He nodded and walked out of his office feeling much lighter than he did before walking in. He was still smiling even on the way down the elevator and out the front doors.
“Kipp,” Bede said, letting her go. She hopped onto the ground and looked up at him, tilting her head. “I think talking to Leon broke me. In a good way. I feel…” He hummed and started to bounce around, too, which Kipp repeated. “I-I feel happy? I don’t know! I wanna tell Opal though!!”
“Sylve-Eon!” Kipp trilled, still following along with her trainer's stims.
Leon could see them just barely from his window, but he could see Bede’s stims. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He was happy he could give Bede some clarity and hopefully some newfound peace.
He wished he had that as a child and it couldn't make him happier to see Bede get that as a child.