Chapter Text
A week later the news that Loki is pregnant with Tony Stark’s child hits the tabloids. Bruce watches from the relative safety of the kitchen as Tony tries to convince a fuming Loki not to burn down every media centre in the state of New York. Apparently the Norse god takes offense at the fervent-eyed journalists’ speculations that he is female (he’s not, Bruce checked when he performed the first medical exam that discovered Loki was pregnant) and that he has been ‘tamed’ by the infamous billionaire. The dagger protruding from the centre of the TV and the still smouldering remains of Steve’s morning paper show that Loki is anything but tame. He’s a wild thing and being pregnant isn’t about to change that.
Loki kicks the coffee table into the wall and Tony dives to the side to avoid being impaled by flying shards of glass. “Hey, what have I told you about breaking my stuff?!”
“If you do not want ‘your stuff’ broken you should cease your foolish pleas for me to spare the lives of these wretched mortals,” Loki snarls. “I will have my retribution Stark; you cannot stop me.”
Tony glares as he stands and brushes pieces of broken table from his person. “You do realise that roasting those vultures, while very entertaining to watch, will be taken as an act of unprovoked hostility by SHIELD?”
“I do not care how your petty organisation designates my actions,” Loki sneers.
“I know you don’t; but you will when they tear up the deal I made with them and order the Avengers to bring you in.”
Bruce still isn’t sure how Tony managed to swing that, how he was able to convince Fury to temporarily downgrade Loki from ‘Villain’ to ‘Neutral’. He has a suspicion it’s related to a conversation he overheard between Fury and Hill in which Fury commented, “I don’t think I could come up with a worse punishment than being pregnant with Stark’s child.”
Loki is still sneering as he says, “I have already proven that your prisons cannot hold me. What have I to fear?”
Tony strides purposefully towards Loki until he is stood well and truly in his personal space. Loki doesn’t flinch, although the sneer does drop from his lips.
“What you have to fear,” Tony says quietly, “is a pissed off father if anything happens to his child.”
Loki is silent. He stares at Tony, his expression unreadable. Then his face crumples and he whispers, “How can you have so much love for something that is not yet born?”
The steel leaves Tony’s eyes as an easy smile takes over his lips. He wraps his arms around Loki and pulls him into an embrace. Loki is limp, all the fight taken out of him. Slowly, hesitantly, he lifts his arms to return the hug.
Beside Bruce Steve releases a thankful breath. “Nice work Stark,” he mumbles as he turns to find coffee.
Bruce nods in silent concurrence. If Loki had been pregnant with anyone other than Tony’s child things would have been very different. Nobody else would have reacted with such unwavering optimism and enthusiasm to the news that Loki would in nine months give birth to their love child. Nobody else would have stood up to Loki and told him what he could and could not do now that he was pregnant. Nobody else would have taken all of Loki’s snarling antagonism, his smiling threats to abort or cause bodily harm, and seen them as a front for how utterly lost and confused he was. Loki didn’t know how to react to being pregnant besides denying it – but Tony did. That, Bruce suspects, is the reason why Loki didn’t kill Tony the moment he accepted he was pregnant. Killing the one person who knows what to do, who is there to take your hand and lead the way with a dazzling smile, is a foolish thing to do and Loki is no fool. Loki might ridicule Tony and his plans for the future, but Bruce thinks he is intrigued by Iron Man’s dream of a sprawling mansion with a white picket fence operated by JARVIS that is still somehow viewed as a threat to national security. Bruce can’t see any other reason Loki would choose to stick around, to not rid himself of the foetus and the responsibility that comes with it, if he didn’t hope (at least a little) that Tony’s dream might become more than sanguine fantasy. In short, they were lucky that it was Tony who was crazy enough to knock up the god of chaos and not some other unsuspecting idiot, who would have undoubtedly been the first of many to die at the hands of an apoplectic self-destructing Loki.
Just as Loki appears to be getting comfortable in Tony’s arms the peace is disturbed by the rumble of nearby thunder. Loki rips himself from Tony’s embrace and stares wide-eyed at the suddenly dark sky. They all know that thunder, and what follows.
“Sir, Thor has just arrived on the penthouse balcony,” JARVIS informs them as the silence is once again torn asunder by the thunder.
“Bring him down JARVIS,” Tony orders, his eyes flickering between the ceiling and Loki’s tense form.
“Very good sir.”
Just as Bruce is wondering whether anybody had bothered to inform Thor of his brother’s condition, Steve voices his question and illustrates it with an awkward and vague flick of his wrist in Loki’s direction. Tony gives him a crooked smile and says, “We didn’t want to interrupt his alone time with Jane.” Which was another way of saying that they hadn’t been sure how Thor would react to the news and nobody had wanted to be the one to break it to him.
All eyes turn to the elevator as the doors ping and noiselessly glide open to reveal the god of thunder. Thor strides into the common room, his face stony. Bruce watches as Tony’s eyes slide from Thor’s hammer to the god’s face, and quickly adopts a shit-eating grin. Thor, however, only has eyes for Loki. “Is it true brother? What the smiling people say on the magic box – are you with Tony Stark’s child?”
Loki regards Thor critically, his hands curled loosely by his sides as if he is about to reach for his daggers. His body is like a coiled spring – tense and poised to attack at the slightest provocation. Slowly, he nods.
The smile that illuminates Thor’s face is almost blinding. “Brother! Congratulations! We must hold a feast to celebrate this joyous occasion!”
Thor rushes forward, his arms outstretched to embrace Loki, but the trickster recoils and hisses, “Do not touch me you bumbling oaf.”
Thor stops in his tracks, the smile gradually slipping from his face. His arms hang in the air for a moment before sagging down to his sides. The god of thunder looks as if someone has just kicked his puppy and told him Santa Claus isn’t real. The look tugs at Bruce’s heartstrings and he’s about to step out into the danger zone when Tony says, “What the hell,” and raises his arms invitingly. “Hug it out Big Guy.”
The blinding smile returns as Thor turns to Tony and lifts him off the ground with the force of his enthusiasm. “Friend Stark! It pleases me greatly that you are the one to grace my brother with the gift of a new life! Truly this child shall be blessed with the two of you as its sires!”
“Ribs! Breaking!” Tony chokes from his position crushed against Thor’s chest.
Thor releases him with an apologetic, “I am sorry my friend, sometimes I forget my strength.” The god laughs and rests a heavy hand on Tony’s shoulder, causing the shorter man to wince.
“Yeah, sometimes I forget that I can snap people like twigs too,” Tony says as he gently cradles his ribs.
The sudden glow of green and gold catches their attention and they all turn in time to see the venomous look on Loki’s face before he disappears. The four Avengers continue to stare at the space the god of mischief was previously occupying for a moment longer before Tony sighs.
“I suppose it was a little too optimistic to assume he’d stick around for family therapy.”
“He’ll be back,” Bruce says with a reassuring smile.
“Yeah,” Tony agrees with a quite laugh and a fond smile. “There’s no way he’d leave without stealing my AC/DC shirt first – he’s grown quite attached to that thing.”
“I haven’t seen him in an AC/DC shirt,” Steve says with a frown. “At least, I don’t think I have.”
“You haven’t,” Tony says with a grin. “He only wears it in the bedroom.”
“That’s all I need to know,” Steve says as he makes a hasty retreat from the kitchen to the elevator.
Tony watches him go with a smirk that says he desperately wants to brag about his sex life and make Steve blush in one go, but Thor’s hand on his shoulder successfully quashes the impulse. The thunder god gives Tony a regretful look and says, “I am sorry that my presence drives my brother away. I am sure that you wish to be with him during this time.”
Tony shrugs. “Loki’s Loki. He likes his drama and his temper tantrums. Sometimes it’s best to just give him some space to calm down and get his shit together. Don’t worry about it MC Hammer. He’ll be back. I’m just glad he didn’t break any more of my stuff before he left.”
Thor nods and gives Tony’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before releasing him. A smile returns to his lips as he says, “My friend, we have much to discuss. We must compare what is considered proper practice in the rearing of an infant.”
Tony grins. “Way ahead of you Thor. JARVIS, bring up the data on child development.”
“Yes sir.”
Bruce smiles as Tony begins to discuss his new favourite subject – his unborn child. He turns to collect the now cold tea he had entered the kitchen to make before this whole debacle began. He places the mug in the microwave and waits for the tea to reheat. With that done he finally retreats from the kitchen, the sound of Tony and Thor’s animated discussion making him laugh softly as the elevator takes him to his lab.
***
The news the next day does not lead with the story of a number of prominent journalists in New York (and a couple of morning news presenters in New Mexico) found naked with collars and leashes around their necks in very public places. The media decide without any prompting from SHIELD to keep this story quiet. They get the message.
All subsequent news reports on Loki are a lot more respectful and always refer to him as, “The magnanimous and benevolent Prince Loki of Asgard.”