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The light outside the surface of the lake grew dimmer and more distant by each passing second as Onestar’s body was being dragged down towards the void beneath him. He didn’t know if he would survive long enough to feel the lake bed, but what he did know is that this was the end. He had to answer for StarClan any moment now, he had to see Tallstar again, maybe even his mentor Deadfoot, and he couldn’t bear the guilt he’d feel once they laid their eyes on him. Tallstar had trusted his Clan to Onestar, only for the dying leader to be disloyal, and being responsible for suffering in not just WindClan, but all the Clans around the lake.
Darktail’s body was heavy and rested lifeless on top of Onestar, weighing him down further. If anything, this was his punishment for not only breaking the warrior code by having a relationship outside the Clans, but also for all of the other selfishness he had allowed to consume him once he became leader.
This is the end. Onestar closed his eyes. There was no way to turn around and fix his mistakes, or try and justify himself to the living cats. If he survived, he knew that he would’ve lost all the humility he had regained in this one moment. Judge me fairly, Tallstar.
***
When he awoke, with the pain closing around his lungs finally loosening and fading away, he flinched. He knew he was going to be judged. Darktail’s words buzzed inside his head like an annoying insect, reminding him that StarClan couldn’t possibly accept him. Am I in the Dark Forest? Did they not even give me a trial? His heavy pawpads told him otherwise, as they walked on a cold, liquid surface that reflected Onestar. Confused, Onestar turned around and tried to smell the air, but there were no scents. This isn’t StarClan either, where am I? He looked down at his own reflection.
An orange blur began twisting in the water, next to his reflection as it slowly took the form of a cat. Startled, Onestar looked up and behind him, but no cat was there. What? He looked back down, and the form had become recognizable at last, with its emerald green eyes staring right back at Onestar. “Firestar?” He almost couldn’t believe it, his words were barely above a whisper. “Firestar, please, tell me where I am.”
Firestar remained silent, looking to his side. Onestar realized in the agonizing silence that his reflection had started to merge and form into his younger self. When I met Firestar, we were both young warriors. He realized. However, Firestar remained the same age he was a little before he died, with the same scars he had gained with his leadership.
Looking at the former ThunderClan leader for too long only brought Onestar guilt and despair as he remembered how he had pushed the tom away once Onewhisker had to become leader. The WindClan tom knew he had to prove his loyalty more than ever, his clan depended on him.
All that proved futile, didn’t it? He thought to himself, remembering that his disloyalty was what had brought him into this weird, never ending lake.
Firestar finally opened his mouth to speak, and Onestar angled his ears towards the cold water.
“I know why you pushed me away, Onestar.” The brown tabby shivered, embarrassment nested in his chest but he swiftly cast it away. He let his fur grow spiked in anger, and he hissed. “You can’t possibly know that, Firestar. Tell me!”
The ginger tom looked down, before taking in another deep breath and piercing Onestar with his green gaze, almost knocking the recently deceased leader off his paws. “You loved me, but you could never accept that.” Onestar trembled, his paws were shaking but he still let his claws grip down further on the water. “Are you mouse-brained?” He 's right. Onestar growled, he didn’t want his mind to do anything right now, he had to appear rageful. “I never cared for you, at most you were my friend when I was a warrior.”
Firestar looked at him in disbelief, only breaking down Onestar’s barriers further. “You felt disloyal falling for me, so you acted the way you did. But even after that, you still ran after another kittypet, didn’t you?”
Onestar raised his claws. “I’m going to claw out that crow-food eating mouth of yours!” He threatened, delivering a swipe to the water, but the water only broke around him as he fell into it. He desperately swam upwards, but the surface could no longer hold him. His pelt was enveloped with cold, bitter water that lapped at him unforgivingly. “Help! Firestar!”
He didn’t want to drown again, he didn’t want his spirit to die a second time and to be thrown into the void, faded into nothingness. He would rather spend eternity with the punishments of StarClan than cease to exist. He flailed around in the water and reached his claws up, begging for anyone to save him. He was met only with a large figure clawing at his back, and dragging him down. Onestar twisted around and saw a white tom, his tail dark and black. Darktail. He batted at his son’s head, but when the rogue looked up, Onestar felt nothing but despair.
His son’s eyes were yellow, like his, and his pelt grew stripes as his fur lost its length, shortening and changing into a light brown color, and his whiskers became longer, one turned black where the others were all white. He 's… me. Onestar swam back up desperately, and Darktail - or rather, himself. - didn’t follow him. The brown tabby launched his head out of the water, his ears dripping wet as he tried to swim like a RiverClan cat, kicking the water beneath him. There has to be land here, somewhere. He wouldn’t give up hope just yet.
Onestar grew tired, but he still persisted. The water beneath was dark and filled with uncertainty he didn’t want to face. The twisting of Darktail turning into the tabby tom was horrifying to say the least, and now he would do anything to escape it.
He didn’t know if it was an illusion due to his despair, but at last, Onestar spotted a clump of stones and rocks that rested not so far away from where he was. With all of his power, Onestar swam as fast as his WindClan body would allow him, racing against the water until his wet claws finally gripped onto the surface of the rock. It’s real, I made it! But his triumph slowly grew thinner as the smooth surface was too slippery to have any actual grip. He scratched the stone, but couldn’t get anywhere, at least not until a paw reached out for him, dragging him to the island and letting him go once they had reached a dry stone. Onestar looked up, and saw a familiar black-and-white tom. “Tallstar?” He asked.
Seeing the former WindClan leader made Onestar want to jump back into the water and stay there with his demons. He would rather be tormented by several copies of himself than have to face Tallstar.
The black-and-white tom nodded, he looked far younger than Onestar ever remembered him being. The tabby lifted himself up, and sat with his head dipped in respect. “It is great to see you again.” Onestar did his best to hide any fear, but it was hard to show any emotion when he felt so tired from all of the swimming.
Tallstar’s eyes squinted, pity clouding his usually bright gaze. “What have you done, Onestar?” The tabby flinched. “I-I’m so, so, so sorry Tallstar. I was a fox-heart, I did everything wrong, I-” Onestar was interrupted by Tallstar covering the tabby’s snout with his long tail. “Calm down, let me speak. Remember, I was WindClan’s leader before you. When we are side by side, you will still be my deputy.”
Onestar shut his snout, his tail twitching irritably. Tallstar lowered his tail and sighed. “You know, if I had known how weak your heart was, I would’ve chosen any warrior over you.” The tabby couldn’t contain his question.
“Even…” He trailed off. What if Mudclaw would’ve been better than me?
“No, Mudclaw would never have been chosen over you, even if I knew the future at the time. But you both shared the same flaws at the end of the day. I had hoped that your alliance with ThunderClan would’ve helped you be more understanding than him, but you turned that alliance on its head.”
Onestar licked his chest in shame.
Tallstar continued. “But that alliance with ThunderClan had nothing to do with the Clan itself, did it?” Onestar reluctantly nodded. Does everyone know? “You fell for Firestar, but that felt inappropriate once you became a leader. You let that love turn into bitter hate, but you still craved it.”
“That’s why I became mates with Smoke.” Onestar completed before Tallstar had the chance. “And that one mistake led to near destruction of the Clans.”
Tallstar purred. “Oh, don’t think of it that way.”
“What do you mean? That’s all that happened.” Hissed Onestar, choking up in guilt and grief. “I only bring suffering, I only bring pain to both myself and all of the other cats.” The tabby wanted to lean on Tallstar for support, but he knew he was unworthy to share the same breath as him. “Just send me to the Dark Forest already.”
“Darktail proved the Clans needed to be together to face problems, and not just that, all of this brought SkyClan back.” Tallstar leaned forward and licked Onestar’s ear. “The strongest storms always come before a rainbow.”
Onestar wanted to protest more, but he bit his tongue. “You’re right. I’m sorry I failed you, but at least I helped many other cats in the long run.” Onestar’s pawpads began to glow, and the water around him turned to long, white grass as the sky grew the deep shade of night. Trees sprouted from the ground with glowing white leaves and slowly, many cats began appearing too. Cats that Onestar knew from both WindClan and the other Clans.
“Am I in StarClan?” He asked softly to Tallstar.
“Your heart doesn’t need to be cast away now, Onestar. Forgive yourself, and you’ll be allowed to enter.”
Onestar looked over to Tallstar, doubt glimmered in his eyes. “What if I take too long?”
“Too long doesn’t exist here. I’ll always be here to help you, and guide you into StarClan once you're ready.”
Onestar purred, noticing Firestar in the crowd of cats looking at him. There was transparent wall between them, making them seem so close when in reality they were separated. Just like when we were alive, and traveling to the lake territories. "I guess I will try.” Onestar said to Tallstar. "I will forgive myself and others, I will finally sheathe my claws"