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Chay was practicing guitar when his FaceTime pings, the icon window layering over the website on his laptop.
He has played this song almost a hundred times now.
It's Porsche's account whos calling, when Chay answers he can see Porsche on what seems like a sofa from Porsche's office in the second-family house. His face reflects emotion, though Chay can't decipher if it is from something bad or something good, he looks so shocked.
Last time Chay has seen him like this was when Kinn proposed out of the blue.
"Are you getting divorced? Are you adopting a child? Did someone die? Someone is in the emergency room? It's another Venice situation, did another baby appear? What's happening, bro?" Porschay sputtered, clearly alarmed by his brother's reaction.
Panic rose in the boy.
"We are not getting divorced" Kinn suddenly appears on the monitor, "And we have good news, stay calm Porschay"
“We have an early birthday present for you.” He says. Chay heart's settles and he continues. “It’s the university you applied to. The board of admissions send a letter to our old house Kinn and I were checking the property and we found it. We opened the letter because of security protocols, to confirm that it was what it said in the envelope, and we read it. I'm sorry for reading it tough, it was yours to read, but Chay, you are admitted, it says that you have to drop some documents, but you're admitted. You are going to study at the university of your dreams! I'm so proud of you little bean," Porsche explained. The last part sounded so soft, and so excited, like a mom proud of his child, probably it was what Porsche felt, he was his mom, dad, big bro, and friend, all in one.
"Oh," is all Porschay can say, his mind racing with his pulse, the opportunity of his dreams, after what he's faced in the last months. It feels too good to be true.
"We have to send all the documents, and we have to get you a flat or a dorm near the university, we have so much to do, too much to prepare, you are getting into the university, I have to put more guards around you." Porsche is rambling or maybe divagating who knows. “No.” The air leaves Chay's lungs along with the single, sharp word. No is my first thought, rogue and restless.
I can't afford that mafia world to ruin my uni experience, not my dorm, not my classes, not nothing. I can’t. It’s too much. His second thought is his best friend Macau. He's to tell him about all of this.
“What do you mean, no?” His brother asks, and this starts the wave of liquid to his eyes, another kind of salt water, not happy tears anymore, just frustration all over him. If you ever tell the Porschay from 2 years ago that he will be having the most abnormal high school year of his life, his graduation ruined and his brother being a mafia leader or something like that he wouldn't believe it.
His brother thought he was just protecting Chay, but how can he not notice how caged was Chay feeling weird about this all-new situation?
"It's gonna be weird, just leave it like that Che, I want a normal Uni life, not me being tagged as some rich bastard who carries bodyguards around or like someone who is onto shady business and has to be protected at all times. I just want to be like before, I just want to be the most normal a person my age can be."
“We didn’t even think of that,” Kinn said looking apologetic. Porsche is guilty, Chay can see it in his eyes, in his face, in all his body language, and he feels a little bit guilty too because all his brother wants is to keep him safe.
Porsche nods, understanding what Chay has said. Although Chay thinks that Porsche will want to talk to him again about it when he sees him in person.
They chat longer, just planning about going to see new apartments, and Porsche was asking about what to do to celebrate his accomplished goal to get into the university of his dreams, although the younger boy believes that perhaps it is an excuse to drink during working hours by Porsche. And also a way to celebrate being able to fulfill the promise that he made to his parents to guide Porschay until he entered a university.
When they finally reach goodbye, Chay doesn't even think about his next move, he's already in motion, his air so messy, and he's dressed in pajamas or more so what he uses to sleep, it consists of a pair of old sweatpants that belonged to Porsche, and an old Tshirt, he slides into his shoes and bolt. He's panting when the front door of the apartment opens. He ran into the rain, he must look like some homeless person, so when Macau opens the door he was not surprised to see him blinking with surprise.
“Hey,” Macau says, eyes scanning through him.
“I’m sorry. Sorry I didn’t text.” Chay glanced left then right searching for something. “I just had to—” he tries to complete.
“Don’t be silly.” Macau opens the door wider. “Come in. You’re worrying me. Running in the rain? What's happening?”
Chay gets inside the warm space as Macau locks the door behind him.
“I know you just got back from working out, and that you're probably tired but I have good news.” Macau faces Chay, bracing steady hands on my shoulder bones. “I'm never tired when it comes to you, I was about to heat up some leftovers of that incredible rice you made the other day, do you want some? I'm getting you a change of clothes too, I don't want you to get sick, and then you can tell me whatever you have to tell okay?" Macau says.
Chay could hug Macau right now, but he doesn't because he's freezing to death from his soaked clothes, he's so thankful that the boy always seems to know what the curly guy needs. Always finding a way to make him feel calmer.
Macau leans in, eyeing Chay with a little concern. “Come,” he says and leads Chay to the leather sofa. He doe's not sit, he doesn't want to get it all wet, so he stands next to it waiting for Macau, when he finally gets him a towel and some dry clothes he runs to the bathroom and gets changed, when he gets out Macau is sitting in the leather sofa. Chay sits closely, and Macau clasps all of their hands together.
“What’s up?”
Chay recaps everything from the call with his brother and Kinn, watching Macau's features shift in tandem with the rise and fall of his words.
They’re silent when Chay reaches the end, their eyes meeting. Macau shocked.
Finally, he says, “I can’t imagine what this opportunity means for you. I'm so happy for you.” It's all Macau can say, clearly still processing all the info. Excitement comes out in waves as he processes it all.
Chay doesn't know what's gotten into him, but he's telling Macau about this University stuff so it just feels right to tell him about the other news too.
He just releases it because he's tired of the past eating through his gut. “Kim called. Twice. And we meet once in the main family house. Said he… wants to talk again. He’s having second thoughts.” Air rushes from Macau’s lungs. His eyes hood, dark and deep. His brows furrowing a little, so little that anyone else wouldn't notice this, but we're talking about Chay, the person who knows Macau best right now so Chay does notice. Macau stands, rushing as if Chay's hands were burning him as if the entire couch was on fire. And he stops across the room.
Chay's heart cracks when he angles away from him, he's his best friend, why is he going away when he's telling something important?
“Well then.” Macau talks while looking at a small replica of the motorcycle that Vegas gave him for his 19th birthday.
“That should make it loads easier for you. Your dream University, your boyfriend you were pining for. Your amazing future now with this galaxy of oportunities ahead of you.” Macau looks sad, so sad when he says this. His mood completely changed from moments ago.
Macau should be happy, right? His best friend got into his dream college, but he can't make himself happy about his stupid cousin wanting a second chance.
“Easier?” Porschay asks.
“Chay, you’re getting everything you dreamt of. It's so great your brother is not hiding things from you and you are speaking again, you got admitted to the college you wanted and now my shitty ass emo cousin as known as your ex is thinking about a second chance with you, you have to be so happy,"
Macau was babbling, while chay was standing still.
“No,” Chay says for the second time that night. He shakes his head.
“Kim wants you,” Macau says breathlessly.
“Macau, stop. Just because—”
“It’s so simple. Part of the reason you were even sad was him, and now you get that spot in the uni and he wants you back and all"
“Shut up! Will you bloody listen?” Chay yells, trying to get Macau to listen to him. That gets him. He turns, granite-jawed and blurry-eyed.
"I saw you, I saw you with him in the house, he was holding your hands and crying, I was going to visit you, you were also crying while holding his hands." Macau began to explain.
Macau looked so devastated, though Chay didn't understand why.
"I hadn't realized how much I liked you. Not until I saw him cry for you, not until I saw you cry too, holding his hand and I felt like I was losing you without even having you. Seeing his hand in your hand hurt me so much."
No, he doesn’t get to be hurt Chay thinks. Not about Kim, not when he has these feelings he's been hiding from Macau, and the second the idea ashes across Chay's mind, the answer beams, free and clear.
His smile breaks out in sheer relief before it remembers all the other hurts. He stands too and gets closer until they’re a pace or two apart.
“Do you want me to show you the time stamp from my brother’s call? ’Cause, you’ll see there are not even twenty minutes between me hanging up, then knocking at your door looking like shit. And I came running to your apartment from the main family house. What does that tell you?”
The tall boy scrubs his face, shrugging. “That you’re as fucking fast on your feet as you ever were.” Macau tries only for Chay to say.
“Try again. I didn’t go to Kim with my news. Didn’t call or message or even think about him. I can’t be with a person who’s a second thought. Yeah, I loved him for a long time, but I can’t go back to him, Macau.” Chay's words tangle in a rush of oxygen.
One wrong move and they both would tumble.
“He should be with a person who runs to him first, and someone who wants to tell him all. And I don’t want to.” Macau absorbs this with a pinwheel of reactions. His wide-eyed jolt morphs into a jagged smile, ending in a messy, caustic laugh.
Macau's shoulders relax a bit until Chay can see the boy walking toward him as well. His eyes are still a little bright from the tears that are waiting to come out.
"So this means?" Macau asks, knowing the answer, but wanting to hear it from Chay. Chay doesn't answer so Macau steps forward until he’s going either to run into Chay or draw him into his arms.
It's the latter and he feels at home. So very much at home.
The curly boy folds himself into Macau's chest and for a few moments, there is only them holding each other.
They've known each other for two years and Chay can't help but think that there’s no part of his life Macau hasn’t touched.
He shifts but doesn’t let go. And it made Chay speak "I like you too" he murmurs. Meaning it. Macau pulls back. “I didn't know that.” And this is all he says.
Chay is waiting, waiting for Macau to hold him into his embrace again. But he doesn't do it.
Instead, the tears he had been holding back fall from his eyes, as he looks at the boy in front of him.
"Macau what's wrong?" Chay asks worriedly holding the older boy's face.
"Nothing is wrong, I'm just relieved, relieved that you like me, that this is mutual, I felt like I lost you, lost you without even having a chance to tell you how I feel."
And Chay thinks Macau it's so cute even when he's crying.
"I like you so much Macau, you make me feel at home," Chay says as he runs his thumbs under Macau's eyes. Wiping away his tears.
"Stop crying Macau, I'm here, we're here, there's only you, and you in my eyes, in my mind, in everything it's only you. My best friend, my confidant, and could I call you boyfriend too?" Chay asked, only to elicit louder sobs from the boy.
Suddenly Macau returned him to his embrace, without saying anything yet. Only to later separate a little and say "I want to be your boyfriend Chay, kiss me, please, if you don't do it I'm going to go crazy."
The kiss tasted of salt, Macau's tears still running down his eyes, Chay was holding his face with his hands too gently, as if he was afraid that Macau would break at any moment.
Macau was holding Chay's waist with his arms around him, squeezing his boyfriend too tight, and sticking him to his body during their first kiss.
Chay felt happy, he felt at home.