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His old desire to sleep in longer had been granted.
Touya wished it hadn’t.
He spent several hours walking around the house and garden after waking from his ‘fun magic coma’—as An had taken to calling it. Trying to regain feeling in his legs and remembering how to move. Akito was never more than a step away in case he fell. Not that his fears were unfounded after the first four times he nearly did. An wanted to go all out for his first meal in…a week. (He still doesn’t quite believe that). Thankfully, Kohane reminded her to go easy on him before she could cover the whole dining table with plates.
After successfully not dying on his fifth lap of the house, they deemed him okay. Rui had left a list of instructions for when he woke, and he regrets being unable to meet him properly. His friends were taking the list seriously though, glancing at it after literally everything he did in case it wasn’t allowed or something. Part of him liked the coddling. The other half thought it was a bit too much like the castle and wanted to rip the paper in half. They must have understood though since they backed off after he flinched at the third ‘don’t do that’ in the past hour.
They spent the afternoon outside, sitting in their garden on a set of chairs and tables they had made as a group project. He decided he liked spring. It had been a wish of his to see flowers blooming. And here he was—surrounded by friends and flowers. His past self would laugh at him for suggesting something like that could happen. Well, maybe not laugh. But certainly scoff. It was nice. Listening to them talk, recounting the past week and already trying to tell him how magic worked on a fundamental level.
“Just open your hands and imagine it,” An explained, making said motion herself. “You should be able to feel your magic inside, so just channel it into your hands.”
As much as he wanted to use magic right away, he had literally just woken up and felt nowhere near ready enough to even touch it, and he said as much.
Kohane nodded in understanding. “It’s probably a good idea not to, anyway. We have no idea how to deal with the amount of magic you produce. And I don’t know if you know, but we can feel the magic coming from you.”
“You can?” He looked down at himself, almost expecting to see waves of blue coming off him.
“Yeah,” Akito confirmed. “Not literally with our eyes, but we can sense it. You should be able to feel ours now as well, though they pale in comparison to what you’re giving off.”
He frowned at him, trying to focus on ‘seeing’ anything. “What am I supposed to be looking for?”
An hummed. “It’s really hard to explain. I guess just. The vibe?”
Kohane grimaced at her. “Vibe does not help!”
“I’m trying,” she whined. “Mizuki explained it to me once. They understand it really well since they deal with literal raw magic. They said something like ‘you feel it by reaching out with your own magic’ or something. Which is why you can do it now and couldn’t before.”
“I don’t know how to feel my magic, though? Let alone reach out with it.” He shook his head. It made sense, but he had no clue how to go about it.
“You have other friends?” Akito snorted, focusing on the wrong part of the explanation.
“I’m allowed to!” An sniffed haughtily.
“Yeah sure”—he waved her off—“but how.”
“Oi! You’re friends with me!”
“Biggest mistake of my life.”
Kohane sniffled, pouting at Akito. “What about me? D-do you not want to be friends with me?”
“Huh—” he floundered, curling into the chair, red-faced and voice dropping several octaves. “Of course, you dumbass.”
“Hehe,” Kohane giggled. “Woow Akito, thank you!”
Akito shot back up, flabbergasted. “Liar! Manipulative little creature! You played me!”
“Whaat? Me?” she said innocently. “Like a cheap violin.”
An was crying with laughter and Touya was finding it very difficult not to join her.
“What about me? Do you not want to be my friend?” he asked, using every diplomatic lesson he’s ever had to stay straight-faced.
Akito groaned. “Not you too. Leave me alone, you freaks.”
“But you make it so easy,” An laughed. “You are so bullyable.”
“Me? Have you seen Kohane? She’s like… every bully’s wet dream.”
That set Kohane off as well.
“Nooo! She’s an adorable hamster. Only evil demons would bully her!”
“Well write me down as evil and demon.”
“What the fuck are you saying anymore?” An gasped for breath. “What’s happening to this conversation? We were trying to make Touya understand magic and now you’re changing species.”
Touya just looked between them like watching a verbal tennis match. And unable to take it anymore, he laughed, trying to smother it in his knees. Elated at the sound of his own voice.
The others stopped. Looking at him with such ecstatic expressions that he just laughed again.
“I win!” An got to her feet, punching the air. “I won, get fucked Akito!”
He stood as well. Pointing accusingly. “It was a joint effort!”
“Nuh-uh! I said the last sentence, so I win!"
“Win what?” he asked, feeling light.
“Uh—”
“Well—”
“They were betting to see who could make you laugh first,” Kohane giggled.
“You—why?”
“Have you ever laughed before, Touya?” Akito sobered up.
His smile fell. “…Not that I can remember, no.” Like a lot of things, it really only sounded sad when he said it out loud.
Akito motioned like ‘well there you go.’ “Do we need a reason, though? We just wanted to make you happy. And everything between An and I is a competition, you know that.”
“It does turn out that way a lot.”
“You should laugh more, it’s pretty,” Kohane said.
“It’s not like I try not to. I just… couldn’t.”
“And we’re glad you can now!”
He closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of the sun and his friends. “Thanks to all of you.”
Then night fell.
Akito snored softly to his left, covers kicked to the floor and half-open blinds letting moonlight strike his hair like a flaming halo. He was supposed to be asleep, and he certainly felt tired enough for it. Sleep came quite easily, actually. But just before his eyes could close, they would fly open, heart racing as he teetered on the edge of unconsciousness; something stopping him from going over. He sighed. That was the third time in the past hour he’d jolted awake. Each time, he looked over to check he hadn’t woken Akito, and relief washed over him when he did nothing more than roll over. He stared at the wall until it became nauseating, and he turned to the window instead.
It was better than the darkness.
Their window faced northwest, and the fact that he could see the moon meant it was far past the time he should be awake. He watched its slow crawl downwards until it was out of sight, sinking below the glass. He blinked slowly, eyes refocusing before sighing and slowly getting up. Grabbing a book from his shelf, he slipped out into the living room. A small candle sat on the cabinet, and he took it along with the matchbox with him. They didn’t have many matches—they had Akito after all—but after one too many ‘Why is Akito not home yet it’s freezing!’ they decided to buy some. He sunk into the couch, lit candle sitting precariously on the arm and opened his book. After discovering he liked to read, the others had made it a competition to find him his new favourite book. The prize was supposed to be a kiss, and he was only 50% sure they were joking about that. Not that he minded. Saki and Tsukasa had subjected him to many of their kisses and forehead touches over the years.
The flame wasn’t really bright enough to read by, but it was mostly for show. His eyes scanned, unseeing, over the words. He was tucked into the corner of the couch, legs pulled up and the book resting on his legs, leaning heavily on the arm and being careful not to knock over the candle. It took probably an hour of reading the same few pages and of sliding slowly until he was lying down, head next to the candle. He didn’t close his eyes, just stared at the paper until everything blurred into an unrecognisable mess. So far out of his head he could almost pretend he was asleep.
“Touya?”
He shot up, nearly smacking into someone. Kohane leapt back with a small shriek, laughing. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you.”
Blinking rapidly, he tried to calm his breathing. “It’s ok. Good morning, Kohane.”
If she noticed his distress, she didn’t say anything, just looked him over briefly before moving into the kitchen. “Akito snoring too loudly for you?”
“I woke up a while ago and came out to read. I must have fallen asleep again.” It wasn’t like that was a complete lie. If ‘a while ago’ was over 24 hours.
The candle was a pile of wax, and Kohane must have moved it to the coffee table. He had no idea when it went out, but he must have been out here for over three hours. He watched her move around the kitchen, blinking slowly. He yawned, feeling like his head was two seconds behind the rest of the world; thoughts delayed in a way that made him feel weird.
“Want breakfast?” Kohane asked.
He shook his head, belatedly realising she wasn’t looking at him. “I’m not very hungry, thank you.”
Kohane turned, eyeing the way he was leaning heavily on the back of the couch to look at her. “Alright.” She smiled. “Make sure you eat later then.”
He hummed in response. Turning to lay his cheek on the fabric instead and closing his eyes, praying the sunlight was strong enough to remind him he wasn’t in that stupid void. A clink woke him—no longer than 10 minutes later. Kohane tapped his head with a gentle fist, nodding at the single slice of toast she had placed on the table for him.
“Feel free to ignore that. Just in case you change your mind,” she said before returning to her eggs and toast at the dining table.
An came out a few minutes later, waving to him and joining Kohane. “Good morning, my beautiful children.”
Kohane choked. “W-what?”
“Aren’t we too close in age to be your children?” he frowned.
“Is that your biggest problem with her sentence?” Kohane turned to him, and he shrugged.
“Just had to keep you on your toes,” An said mysteriously, sneaking some bacon from Kohane’s plate.
“An, I know you can see the extra plate on the bench. Stop stealing mine.”
“Aww, but it tastes better if you feed me Kohane!”
“I-I’m not doing that!” Kohane went red. “I already made you breakfast!”
She was saved from further guilt-tripping by Akito stumbling down the hall, throwing himself onto the couch next to Touya and flopping over his legs.
“G’mornin’,” came his muffled greeting.
“Good morning.” He shifted to look down at Akito, sprawled out with his torso trapping him.
“You literally just woke up,” An called over, “why the hell are you lying down again?”
Akito groaned. “It’s too early.”
“It’s 8:30 Akito. Most children are at school by now,” Kohane scolded jokingly.
“Thank the gods I’m not one of those poor bastards then.” Akito sat up, looking at him for permission before taking his toast and eating half of it in one bite.
An gagged.
“Getting up early isn’t that hard, Akito,” he chastised.
“Says you. Some people need more than five hours of sleep.” Akito turned to look at him properly. “What time did you even get up anyway? ‘Cause I know you got up in the middle of the night. When no one in their right mind would be awake.”
He looked away. “…I was getting some water; I went back to bed after that. I just woke up early this morning.”
Akito narrowed his eyes at him, and he knew he didn’t believe him. “Alright.”
“We need to go shopping today, Akito,” Kohane piped up in the ensuing silence. “We haven’t been since… Tsukasa, I think.”
Akito shuddered, and he could feel the vibrations where Akito was still using him as an armrest. “Wanna come?” Akito looked at him hopefully.
He grimaced, shaking his head and ignoring the way the action made him dizzy. “I’m alright, I don’t think I could walk that far right now.”
“You two can go by yourselves!” An said. “Touya and I can have fun—Ooh, we should cook; I still need to teach you soup.” She turned to Akito. “Light the stove for us, Fireboy!”
Akito shot her an unimpressed look, walking back down the hall. “Just for that? No.”
“You’re so mean to the environment! All those poor matches we don’t need to use because you’re so selfish!”
“An. Matches are made of wood,” Kohane explained slowly, like she was speaking to a child.
She waved her off. “It’s the principle of the matter!”
Kohane shook her head, standing and grabbing their shopping list and bags from the counter. Slipping on her shoes as she waited for Akito.
He took another minute, sporting Kohane’s hat on his head.
She gaped at him as he passed. “Thief.”
Akito stuck out his tongue, breaking into a sprint when Kohane began chasing him. “Oi!”
“You won’t get away with this, Shinonome!”
“Not the last name!” he screeched as she jumped on him, both of them tumbling out the door and into the grass.
An turned to him with an evil grin once their shouting died down. “Wanna make as many carrot dishes as we can?”
He snorted.
He had little hope that tonight would be any easier than yesterday. He might just pass out unwillingly, and that scared him more than falling asleep did. He once again stared at the ceiling. Continuously reminding himself that his eyes were open. That he was looking at a piece of wood and not the endless void. It was pathetic. That he was 17—18 next week (when did that happen)—and was scared of the dark. He might just die of embarrassment. Maybe that would get him the sleep he wanted.
They all usually went to bed between 10 and 11, and he knows he hasn’t been staring at the roof for that long (he hasn’t jolted awake yet), so it was probably around midnight. That meant he had been awake for…he couldn’t even do the math; his brain muddled too much. Over 36 hours?
He sighed, turning over and closing his eyes. Letting his tiredness wash over him. Too long. It’s not like he would die if he didn’t sleep, but he certainly had never gone that long without it. Usually, he could fall asleep pretty quick. Now it was just about doing it fast enough before his brain could realise what was happening.
He slowed his breathing. Letting the sounds of the forest fade away into a low hum, slowly being replaced by static. The world turned fuzzy before he was falling and then—
Then he was jerking upright, chest heaving, body trembling as he gasped for air.
Why. Why couldn’t he sleep? Why wouldn’t his body let him sleep?
The soft rustling of sheets to his left snapped him out of it. “You ‘kay?” Came Akito’s raspy voice.
He cringed at having woken him. “Ye—” His voice cut out, and he coughed. “Yeah. Sorry for waking you. I’m alright.”
Akito stared at him, half propped up in his bed, for a solid 10 seconds before getting up and crossing the room. Akito sat on his bed, and Touya curled his legs to lean against the wall, refusing to make eye contact.
“You didn’t sleep last night.” It wasn’t a question.
He didn’t reply, just continued to look at the blanket, running his fingers over it absentmindedly, desperately hoping he would just drop it.
Akito reached out a hand to lay it on Touya’s thigh in an aborted motion, hesitating, before loosely wrapping his hand around his ankle instead. “You don’t gotta explain if you don’t want to. But, no offence, you look like shit”—Touya snorted—“and you need to sleep.”
Touya shook his head. “I can’t.”
Akito frowned and tugged at his leg. “Alright, come on then.”
He let Akito drag him from under the covers, Akito taking his hand and leading him outside. Instead of turning to the right—to the living room—as he expected, Akito pulled him left. He had some idea of what Akito was doing—there were only two rooms that way—but he was tired and confused so decided not to question it. He bumped into Akito when he stopped, muttering an apology and taking a half-step back. Akito paid him no mind, just knocking softly and opening the door to Kohane and An’s room.
They only had one bed, albeit a giant one. It was bigger than his old bed and took up most of the room. The girls could sleep with nearly a metre between them if they wanted, though he knew in reality, the gap was more like a centimetre. An said it was because she liked to sleep spread out and didn’t want to kick Kohane.
He peered over Akito’s shoulder into the dark room. An’s head popped into view over the bunched-up doona—hair flying everywhere and eyes half open, glaring at them.
“Shove over,” Akito whispered, not even waiting for an answer and moving inside.
To her credit, An simply rolled over, pulling her limbs in from her previous position imitating a starfish to curl at the edge of the bed. Akito looked at him expectantly and he tilted his head in confusion. He received an eyeroll for his ignorance and was pushed to the end of the bed, Akito pointing at the large gap between An and Kohane. “Sleep.”
Touya raised an eyebrow but didn’t resist, clambering down the middle to slip under the covers, Akito a second behind him. An moved to face him, claiming his right arm and bonking her head gently against his shoulder. All four of them could probably lie comfortably without touching, but they seemed determined to not do that, and instead crush him between them. Kohane still hadn’t woken up somehow, but drawn in by Akito’s warmth she moved closer, one arm flopping over him and smacking Touya in the stomach.
He lay there, unsure of what he was supposed to do. But when the others did nothing but get more comfortable, he simply copied them. Shifting lower under the covers as well as he could with An taking one arm hostage and Akito and Kohane pressed in close on the other. He lay blinking at the ceiling for a while, no clue how much time had passed. Though it couldn’t have been too long considering Akito and An were still awake.
He swallowed thickly, closing his eyes. “I’m,” he tried, grimacing. It was stupid. “I’m scared to go to sleep. I don’t—I’m terrified I won’t—I won’t wake up again.”
An squeezed his arm in response, running a foot up and down his calf. “You will. There’s nothing wrong anymore. You’re okay.”
“I know. I know that. But every time I close my eyes or get close to falling asleep I just. Can’t. I jolt awake.”
Akito hummed lowly. “We can’t really fix that. It’s just your head being stupid.” He punctuated that by tapping his cheek twice. “But this might help? It helped me when I was younger. Gods, this is embarrassing to say.”
“How is getting in a bed with us less embarrassing than that?” An laughed.
“It just is. Shut up.”
He felt warm, and not just because of Akito or An pressed up against him. Something welling up in his chest. “Thank you, sorry for—”
A hand slapped him in the face limply. “Shh, don’t apologise for anything,” came Kohane’s voice sleepily. “We love you, Touya.”
He grabbed her wrist, still flopping around, and put it back down. He could feel himself smiling. “Alright.”
“Say it back, coward,” An joked, reaching out to hold his and Kohane’s hands.
“Oh. I—” His voice died in his throat.
“She’s kidding. You don’t have to.” Akito’s hand joined their little pile. “We know either way.
He shook his head. “I do though… I don’t really. Know how it feels. But I think I could figure it out. If it’s with you guys.”
The others stilled for a moment.
“Touyaaaa,” An cooed, squeezing him again.
Akito choked. “Dude…you can’t just…”
He couldn’t see in the dark very well, but Akito and An had gone suspiciously red, Kohane giggling behind Akito. “Can’t just say what?” he teased.
“That you! Fuck! You.” Akito buried his head into Touya’s shoulder. “Go to sleep.”
He sighed, settling back into a comfortable position, the shuffling of the others a soothing sound. He listened until their breathing evened out, smiling to himself.
It wasn’t a solution. He knew he’d wake up terrified again. But it was a little easier with his partners by his side.