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“Magic is something you feel inside yourself.”
Touya couldn’t help but laugh. “We both know that’s not something I’m good at, An.”
An punched him lightly. “Shut up! You’re getting there. This is just…feelings part two.”
“I haven’t finished learning part one.”
“You’re doing perfectly fine, Touya!” Kohane denied. “You’ll get it.”
He shook his head. “Your confidence in me astounds me.”
“Well, someone’s gotta do it for you.” Akito rolled his eyes.
They’d been sitting in the forest for several hours, the sun slowly making its way overhead. They were a few kilometres south of their house—a clearing long established as a training area for practising magic. A river ran close by, bubbling softly just out of conscious hearing. The ground was soft under their feet, disturbed over and over by Kohane, never settling quite right. Several trees bore scorch marks, and the branches above were stuck in whatever windswept position An felt like forcing on them. It was the third day they’d come out here in a row, and roughly a week had passed since he woke up properly. He could feel something thrumming through his body, begging to be let out. That feeling was why they were here. If it were up to them, he wouldn’t touch magic for another few weeks. But his magic demanded out, and between barely sleeping, and his magic making him feel like he’d drunk several cups of coffee too much—they had no choice but to try.
The last two days had returned nothing. Each of his friends had tried to explain how they channelled their magic. Akito and his building and explosive release, Kohane’s slow pushing and pulling, and An’s quick and fleeting grabs. None of them seemed to help him tug at that ball making his heart beat too fast. He can understand now how so many children got caught at young ages with outbursts of magic out of their control. He doesn’t know how he survived this long without noticing. It would almost be preferable to being on the verge of exploding at any moment.
“Ugh,” An groaned, flopping back into the grass. “I still dunno how to do this. I’ve literally never met anyone this out of tune with their own magic.”
Kohane pet her head. “Me neither. Akito?”
He shook his head, staring at the sky. “I barely remember learning; it was like instinct.”
“Yeah,” Kohane agreed, humming. She was silent for a minute before looking appraisingly at him. “How does your magic feel? I know it’s hard but. Try?”
Touya groaned uncertainly. “Can you explain more? How does yours feel?”
“I feel it in my feet, honestly. Like I’m being pulled towards the ground all the time, but in a good way—comforting.”
He looked expectantly at the other two.
“Mine’s constantly running around my body.” Akito moved to sit next to him. “Exactly how you’d expect fire to move, but it doesn’t hurt.”
An nodded. “Same, though maybe a little quicker, and it moves when I breathe, not in random patterns.” She sat up. “So? Does that help?”
“Maybe.” He pursed his lips. Maybe the feeling wasn’t just magic build-up? “It feels like… Something heavy sitting in my chest?”
An whooped while Kohane and Akito clapped. “So like Kohane! Sort of.”
“See? You can do it, Touya,” Akito said, shooting him a grin. “You just gotta try.”
He ducked his head. “I am.”
“Well, I’m not sure how much it helps us,” Kohane said, flexing her hands, “but it might help you figure out what you’re trying to control.”
Akito jumped to his feet, dragging Touya with him. “Try again.”
Kohane joined them, leaving An splayed on the ground. “Feel that power move, force it out into your hands and imagine a small ball of ice. I find giving shape to my magic helps with control.” Kohane grabbed his hands, pulling so he was holding them in front of his chest.
He nodded, letting out a slow breath and staring at his cupped hands. A ball. A little ball of ice, like for a glass of water. Small and round and cold and—
Something inside of him tingled, a tiny fizzle that quickly turned into a rush, flooding him and leaving him breathless. His arms went numb from shoulder to wrist, then there was a flash between his fingers. For barely a second a ball the size of his head appeared. They stared at it in varying degrees of awe before it exploded into nothing. The force sent him stumbling, his vision going white and static filling his ears. He shouted as a blinding pain shot through his head. He clutched uselessly at his hair with both hands as the pain tripled—and he blacked out.
Awareness came back all at once, and he jolted upright, fighting his growing panic.
“Woah, woah!” A hand on his heaving chest pushed him back down. “Don’t get up!”
He blinked through the blurriness until Akito’s worried face came into clarity, his other hand pressed to Touya’s forehead.
“N-no,” he groaned, straining against the hands, “d-don’t w—” Everything swam around him, the trees were a blur, and An and Kohane were barely clearer where they leant over him.
He couldn’t breathe, fighting desperately against the blackness on the edge of his vision. He didn’t want—he couldn’t go back.
A warm hand cupping his face forced him to look at Kohane.
“Let go, Touya,” she said softly. “I promise you will wake up again. It’s not like before.”
“I know, I know but—” he gasped out.
“Shh.” Her thumb caressed his cheek. “Trust us. It’s alright.”
“I—” His eyelids fluttered, vision blurring more and more by the second, and he didn’t think he had a choice anymore. “Okay.” He went limp, all three of them holding him. His chest heaved a few times before a wave of darkness engulfed him.
And then he was gone.
Touya couldn’t describe his relief when the familiar roof of the living room came into focus. He blinked sluggishly, his body feeling like it was filled with cement. The faint light streaming through the windows seemed far too bright, and he whined, willing himself to sit up. The second he moved, the blinding pain from earlier came rushing back, leaving him breathless. He shot up, hands pressed to the side of his head in an attempt to quell the intense force trying to squeeze his brain out of his skull. Faintly he registered shuffling beside him, and a hand pushed him forward so his head was between his knees, the back of the couch the only thing keeping him up where he leant against it, gasping.
“Hey! What’s—” The voice cut off when he flinched.
Too Loud. Too Close. Too Bright.
“Sorry,” Akito whispered, his hand now rubbing small circles into his back. “You good?”
“Do I look…‘good?’” he slurred, curling in on himself harder as if that would make the pain go away.
“Oh shit he discovered sarcasm,” An whispered, sitting in front of him.
He only groaned in response, their words miles away.
“I need you to sit up properly, Touya.” Kohane pushed her way between him and An. “I’ve got medicine, it’ll help.”
He blindly reached out a hand, unwilling to move more than necessary as every action sent lightning shooting down his bones. He felt two pills fall into his palm and quickly retreated. Taking a quick breath he threw his head back and swallowed, ignoring the way the world disappeared for a second, and collapsed back onto Akito. Akito shuffled behind him so Touya could lay flat, while An moved his legs, much to his protesting, so she was sitting under them.
The meagre light disappeared with a swish as the curtains finally closed, and Kohane returned to the couch, sitting behind Akito. Her hands began carding through his hair and he nearly sighed, instead just letting his body relax minutely.
All he could do was wait, breathing heavily until unconsciousness claimed him again.
Mercifully, it did.
It was dark outside when he woke again. The pain had dulled to a low roaring, and he could finally think again. He blinked a few times, flexing his hands and feet to make sure his body was still working. He was alone in the living room. But he could see the firelight from the kitchen flickering on the roof. He sat up—which was a struggle—leaning heavily on the back of the couch and resting his head on it to look at the dining table. As expected, the other three were there, talking in hushed tones. He couldn’t help but smile at them.
“It’s true! Drinking poison and the antidote at the same time would cancel out—” An crossed her arms, turning away from the table. Her eyes widened when their gazes met. She froze, before shooting out of her chair and running over to him. “Touya!”
He laughed a little as she nearly tripped in her haste. She vaulted the couch to sit next to him. Thankfully, Kohane and Akito came over at a much safer pace.
“Hi.” He turned around to sit normally with them. “I’m alright now,” he interrupted before Akito could speak.
Akito closed his mouth before glaring playfully. “Do you remember what happened?”
“I do. I just don’t know why.”
“Magic recoil. It’s something that can happen if you use too much magic at once or try to use magic stronger than you can handle,” An explained.
“I certainly didn’t try to use that much.” He frowned. “I was only trying to make a small ball, like for a glass of water.”
“Yeah, it’s okay. We understand.”
“Maybe the problem isn’t what you tried to do, but with your magic itself?” Kohane hummed to herself. “We know you have stronger magic than us, so maybe you can’t control the amount you use? Or ‘normal’ techniques won’t help?”
“That doesn’t help us start learning then,” Akito sighed, sinking back into the couch.
Kohane nodded. “We need a way to limit the amount of magic you use. Then once you can control that, you can go wild with your full power.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking.
“…What about those ring blockers?” An said quietly.
The reaction from Kohane and Akito was instant, both of them protesting wildly.
“I know, I know!” An held up her hands. “I don’t like it either, but…?”
He pulled the three apart to ask, “What are you talking about?”
No one wanted to answer.
“It doesn’t matter,” Akito growled. “We’re not using it.”
“Akito—”
“No!” he snapped.
Touya’s eyes widened, and he couldn’t help but lean away, instantly regretting it when Akito clammed up, biting his tongue and sitting back.
“They’re a magic blocker,” Kohane began slowly, patting Akito’s head. “They use them at prisons to, well, block magic. Before, you know… They look like bracelets. But…”
“They’re not designed to come off,” An finished. “But! I’m not suggesting we just slap one on him for the rest of time! I was going to say we could get Rui to modify one. So we can take it on and off and change the amount of magic it blocks. Like a valve.”
He had never heard of those things. He wasn’t all too surprised, but it still annoyed him to be so ignorant about things.
“Fine. Sorry for jumping to conclusions.” Akito uncrossed his arms, refusing to make eye contact with An.
“I’m not that stupid.”
He snorted. “Could’ve fooled me.”
Touya kindly ducked so An could throw her pillow at Akito’s face, knocking him into Kohane.
“We can send a letter tomorrow, see if Tsukasa could get his hands on one and if Rui can do it,” Kohane said, righting Akito. “No magic until then.”
He nodded, and they relaxed. He closed his eyes, leaning back and facing the ceiling. Akito was warm on his right, and An had splayed one leg over him. He still could barely believe being so close to another person, let alone three. In five short months, his life had been tipped upside down—No.
It had been thrown out the window and swung around by a child before being slammed into a wall.
He couldn’t imagine what he would be doing right now, and he didn’t really want to.
Because now he had three people who made him happy. Who made him feel every emotion under the sun. Which was both exhilarating and terrifying. To go from nothing to this so quickly. He wasn’t lying when he said he could figure out love if it was with them. He wasn’t stupid—he knew what love was supposed to feel like.
And he could feel it.
Dull. Buried beneath a lot of other, less complicated feelings. But there.
Kohane’s whine broke him from his thoughts. “I hate the heat. I can’t believe it’s nearly summer.” Despite her words, she didn’t lean away from Akito.
Touya stiffened. Oh. Right.
An hummed in question, turning to him.
“Uh. It’s my birthday tomorrow.”
“What?!” came three ear-splitting shrieks. All of them jumped to their feet to stare incredulously at him.
He winced, and they visibly tried to calm themselves.
“Touya…” Akito said through gritted teeth. “I would be shaking you so violently right now if I didn’t think it would nearly kill you.”
“…I forgot?”
“This is literally illegal.” An shook Akito instead, making him dizzy just watching. “I need at least a month’s warning oh my gods. We need to kick you out so we can prepare.” She stiffened as she realised something, dramatically leaning into Akito. “Nooo, this means Touya is older than me! I thought I’d be the first adult. Never mind, I’m kicking you out for real,” she wailed.
“Sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Rude.”
“You just threatened to kick me out?”
“Ok, I promise we won’t kick you out. But don’t be surprised if you wake up locked outside.” Kohane smiled.
“Please don’t.” He frowned. “But thank you. Sorry for making you go to so much trouble for me.”
Akito kicked him lightly. “Are you kidding? This is so cool. You said before that you like magic. But for us? This is like the jackpot of magic power, and we get to witness it? We should be thanking you.”
“And as if we’d just let you go off on your own. You’re stuck with us forever!” An winked.
He ducked his head in embarrassment. “I’d like that.”