Chapter Text
Ever since Tsukasa could remember, Rui had always been by his side.
When they were little, the two of them would run around together in the garden- one of Rui's favorite places to be.
"No no! Don't step on the flowers, you'll ruin their show!"
"Oh. Hey, wait! Flowers mean bugs!" Eek! Tsukasa would run away everytime, leading to Rui chasing him to catch up.
They would run and play until either of them got tired. Running through the garden, up and down the large set of stairs, room into room, until they eventually would get stopped and scolded.
Not that the two of them cared, though. A fit of giggles down the hall could be heard as one of the maids continued on with their duties.
Ah, Kamishiro, always with that kid..
As time and time went on, the special bond the two boys had with each other only grew- in more ways than one, much to Tsukasa's dismay.
In his young teenage years, Tsukasa had found out about Rui's talent in making robots.
It was something he loved about him so dearly, the way his usual bored expression would twist into something bright just at the mere mention of his ability.
He found it endearing.
He would listen to his rambles, watch him work, and even help out a few times. Although, he had no idea what anything meant.
Rui was always with him, from morning until night, any free time they had the other would come knocking on the door in a heartbeat.
This is why, when Saki's condition seemed to come back out of the blue, Rui was right by his side.
"Shhh.. Tsukasa-kun."
The soft whispers and feather light touches were the only thing that seemed to calm him down.
The blonde looked over, the tired eyes covered in disheveled purple hair staring back at him.
Did he always look this pretty?
"Ugh.." He groaned, mostly at his inner thoughts as he shoved his face back into the other's chest, allowing himself to be held as his hiccups slowly died down.
His touch was too gentle. His breathing was too comforting, and his presence too intoxicating.
He wanted nothing more to just drown in the scent that was just so uniquely Rui. He hated it.
Even so, the company of the taller boy was enough to take his mind off of his sister. Even if just for a little while..
Which meant that it was now replaced with the thought of Rui.
It haunted him. Why did he all of a sudden feel so weird about this?!
"Tsukasa-kun? Let's lay down. Rest, there's no need to worry anymore." His voice was nothing but a whisper.
He complied.
Tsukasa's feelings for him only grew as they got older.
It was painfully obvious the other held no such feelings in return, seeing him as nothing but a childhood friend.
Rui had been in a few relationships by now, people he can't remember the names of. But the faces and memories will haunt him even in his sleep.
And the thing is.. they're all girls. What a shame.
Tsukasa was never open about his sexuality, Rui completely oblivious to his inner turmoil caused whenever he'd smile brightly at him.
Maybe, he never even had a chance with him.
It was a pathetic thought, really.
A stupid little crush he had when he was little slowly turning into something that was ruining his life. He couldn't look at his beloved friend the same anymore, he's practically ruining it for himself now.
Even so, he would continue on like nothing was wrong. He was a good actor, right?
He would ignore the worried stares Rui would give him from time to time, and laugh it all off.
The girls that Rui would flirt with right in front of his eyes, watching them get all shy and embarrassed as they tried their best to hide the blush spreading across their stupid faces.
He wanted it to be him so, so badly that it was almost funny.
Maybe if I grow my hair out like hers, he would finally notice me.
If I acted more like this person, he'd be sure to like me more, right?
He had to shoot his thoughts down as quickly as they came. Seriously, who changes themselves for a man?
Well, maybe this one time..
"Tsukasa-kun? Hey, are you really okay? You've been spacing out more than usual." His hand reached down to touch his cheek, quickly slapping it away before it could make contact.
"Uh..! Yes, I'm okay. Sorry Rui, I was in deep thought." He felt his face burn. Why did he slap it away?! Damn it.
He heard the group of girls giggle again, the way their bodies shifted more towards Rui did not go unnoticed by Tsukasa.
"Oh, he's cute too! Don't you think?" Did they seriously not even know his name? He wanted to get away from this conversation as quickly as possible.
He heard Rui clear his voice as he took a step back. "We'll be taking our leave now. Thank you, have a good night." He didn't have time to respond before he felt Rui tug his arm and lead them out of the room.
What the hell?
"What was that about? I didn't even get a word in!" Tsukasa complained, though he was thankful for the sudden leave.
Rui only shook his head, "Fufu, it's nothing. Now, would you like to help me tend to the garden?" His grip finally left the other's shoulder.
Who was he to say no? "If there's bugs I'm leaving. And no throwing them at me either!" He yelled, though a small smile was still plastered on his face.
"Of course, Your Majesty." With a huff of laughter, the two of them raced outside.
Together.
Which brings them to the present. They never grew apart from each other, although with age, becomes more responsibilities.
They still hung out whenever they could, but not nearly as much as they did in their teenage years.
Once or twice a week.
And Tsukasa's feelings haven't died down. Not one bit. It was torture.
He didn't know what it was about Rui. Something about him made Tsukasa feel so safe. There was a familiarity to him that he couldn't find it anybody else, not that he even tried.
He stood at the door that was Rui's room. He was nervous. Why? He didn't know. He hadn't seen him all week and it was eating him inside, he missed him, but at the same time he felt that if he saw him it might just hurt a bit more.
He swallowed his feelings and knocked, before turning the handle and slowly opening the door.
"Rui..?" His light was on yet he was nowhere to be seen.
Weird. He took a step inside, closing the door behind him. It wasn't long before he spotted him at his desk. Ah, of course.
Something was still off though. Usually, Rui would greet him as soon as he heard the click of the door. What was going on?
"You're drunk." Tsukasa said plainly, lifting Rui's head up that was knocked out on the hard wood of his desk.
"Huh..? Oh, Tsukasa-kun!" Rui blinked his drowsiness away, allowing his eyes to light up.
He hated when he would call him that. He'd brought it up to him before, but Rui insisted that it was just a special nickname..
Why did he call all his other friends by just their names? What about that made him so special?
He had known him the longest, so why did he feel so far away? Whatever, Tsukasa thought. He didn't care. Not enough.
"You smell like alcohol. Why did you drink? There's nothing to celebrate." Tsukasa was currently holding up his head by his hair, if he let go, his head would most definitely slam against desk.
"Just a bit tipsy, nothing too bad." He murmured, his eyes were closing as he leaned into Tsukasa's touch.
He sighed, this was not what he was expecting when he walked through Rui's door. "You can't even hold your head up, Rui. Are you serious?"
Tsukasa was frustrated. Rui drinking was nothing new, but usually with reason. What the hell was he doing like this on a Wednesday night?
Rui finally pushed himself off of the hand holding his head. "Sorry, what did you say?" Was he trying to piss him off?
"Rui! Can't you listen to me for once?" He raised his voice as he crossed his arms, "Drinking while you're working? Are you some kind of lunatic?" He scolded and he started cleaning up the mess Rui had left behind him.
Rui only laughed, assuming he was referring to the scattered paper and pens, "I'm not. These are simply for my own pleasure." He chided.
Tsukasa paid close attention to what was written on the paper, Rui's neat but also messy handwriting that he had to squint to read made him smile.
There were multiple pages, he assumed these were some kind of blueprint for something that he had been working on. He understood none of it, but still put it off to the side as neatly as possible.
"Come here." Rui motioned with his hands.
Tsukasa's confusion was evident on his face, "Where? There's nowhere to sit. Now let me take you to bed." He tried to tug him up.
Rui only shook his head, grasping the other's wrist and forced his body on top of his own. "Tsukasa-kun.. how are you?" He asked.
Wait, what?
He needed a second to process what was going on. He walks in on a passed out Rui, is forced to sit on his lap, and is now being asked how he is?
He's horrified. The close contact was enough to make his own body shiver, his body freeze and his face heat up.
Tsukasa was extremely touch starved. He had never had a romantic partner before, all of his years going drown the drain as he's left pining over his best friend.
He felt a pair of hands tugging at his hair. "Your hair.. is very pretty. Tsukasa-kun, why did you decide to grow it out?"
That.. is an awkward question. Still recovering from his shock, he responded. "Um.. I just did. I got bored of it." Wasn't he supposed to be taking him to bed?
He watched as Rui tugged on the white ribbon that was keeping his hair in a neat ponytail, the long strands of blonde hair fell off of his shoulders and down his back.
The white undershirt Tsukasa was wearing, as well as his pale skin and light colored hair made him like beautiful. He must have been an angel in his past life, Rui thought. Maybe he is one now.
"Uhm.. Rui?" Tsukasa asked, his voice was uncharacteristically soft and shy. "Why are you staring at me? Stop it." It was starting to make him uncomfortable..
"Ah.." Rui had been caught, of course he had. It's hard to miss someone staring into your soul. "Fufu, just looking." He lied.
Rui's wrapped his arms around him, his face hidden in the crook of the blondes neck.
Close contact was something both of them knew very well when with each other. Ever since they were young, they would cuddle with each other.
Nap time? Cuddling. Sad? Cuddle. Cold? You guessed it, cuddles.
So why was Tsukasa freaking out? They would still cuddle each other in their teenage years, so why did this one feel different?
"Your hair smells good. Tsukasa-kun, come.. come closer, Tsukasa-kun." Rui practically pleaded, Tsukasa was still suffering from the smell of alcohol.
Tsukasa placed his hands on the other's chest in an attempt to pull away. "Stop that! You're tickling me and this seat is uncomfortable. Let me get up."
Tsukasa's face was burning, he could feel the heat radiating off of his cheeks. Rui has never been that touchy with him, ever. Usually just hugging, and every so often they'd play with each other's hair. Not try to devour the other person.
Eventually, Tsukasa lead Rui to the bed that was, thankfully, not that far.
He gently placed him down and sat him up against the headboard. "Ah.. Tsukasa-kun. I'm sorry, but-" Tsukasa quickly interrupted whatever he was about to say.
"I'm taking these off to make you comfortable, idiot! Who wants to sleep in a coat and shoes?" He sighed, lifting Rui's back with one arm while the other worked his coat off.
His shaky hands reached for the other's tie, and he couldn't help but feel intimidated as the other's gaze never left him. He followed every movement he made.
"Why are you staring at me? Is this okay?" He should of asked that beforehand, actually..
"Your eyes are pretty. Never noticed.. pink. Why is there pink..?" He sounded like he was talking to himself at this point, so Tsukasa ignored him.
"Where are you going? No, don't leave. Tsukasa-kun!" Rui made an attempt to move out of bed, before Tsukasa quickly yelled at him.
"I'm putting your things back! Jeez. You act like you haven't seen me in forever." Tsukasa noted that that might be true.
Rui hummed, "I miss you. Come back to me." Tsukasa froze. Missed him? While that wasn't impossible to believe, Rui sober would never admit to it.
This night was gonna drive him insane.
Tsukasa's movements quickened before he made his way back to a sulking man on the bed.
Rui quickly pulled him on top of him, holding him by the waist securely. "Stay the night." It sounded more like a demand than a question, and Tsukasa couldn't say no.
"Rui, you're too warm. It's making me hot." He complained, although he knew he wasn't letting go of him anytime soon.
Rui pouted, his hands moving up his back to reach for his soft hair, "I thought you liked me?" He asked, a little too genuine.
Tsukasa sputtered. What. How does he come back from this? Was he well aware the whole time? Or is he just joking? He can never tell with him.
"Of course I do. You're my best friend." The words physically hurt him, the tightness in his chest was becoming unbearable.
Was this really what best friends do, though? Their limbs tangled up in each other, Rui's hot breath could be felt against his ear. His hands wandered all around him, and he loved every second of it.
But it was weird, wasn't it? They were both guys. Rui didn't like him. It'd only work out if he were a women, Rui would have noticed him by now.
Tsukasa gave up all of his sad attempts in trying to make Rui like him. He accepted the fact that he was somebody Rui could never be into.
Maybe he shouldn't be into him either. He was the one making things weird, right? If he were a girl, then..
"Are there things about me, that you wish you could change?" Tsukasa's thoughts beat him before his brain did, before he could control it the damage was already done.
"Course not... Tsukasa-kun is perfect." The words Tsukasa wanted to hear throughout his whole life were finally spoken, but it didn't give him the effect he wish it did.
Rui was drunk. And none of this really meant anything. He would wake up and forget it, and Tsukasa would go back to playing pretend.
But in the moment, it wouldn't hurt to ask a few more questions, right?
"Have you ever thought of a man.. the way you're supposed to think of a girl?" Tsukasa asked, Rui's hands were still combing through his hair as gentle as possible.
"Mmm. Don't know.." His words were slurred together, his eyes never leaving the other's, "I'm thinking of you." Rui said.
Thinking of me.. Oh. Tsukasa really regrets coming in here now. "Do you think of me a lot?" Now he was just being selfish.
He watched as Rui nodded, a teasing smile adorned to his face. "Thinking of you now.." Taukasa couldn't help but smile.
He'll allow himself to indulge in this bittersweet moment.
"I think of you a lot, too. Way more than I think I should, honestly. I miss you." It felt good to get off his chest, yet he couldn't swallow the lump forming in his throat. "Ha.. hah. I don't want you to hate me." He whispered.
Rui only held him closer, wiping the tears that were forming in the corner of his eyes, "Why would I?" He whispered back, it made Tsukasa laugh.
The whispers reminded him of when they were little, sneaking into each other's rooms and whispering to each other not to get caught.
"I-I think.. I messed it all up." Like glass being shattered, he finally broke. The years and years of feelings had been hiding from everyone finally caught up to him.
And it was in front of someone who he bad wanted to hide it from the most. Just what was he thinking?
"Shhh. Tsukasa-kun.."
Things never truly change, do they?
This time, he couldn't stop. Nothing comforted him anymore. He just wanted to get out- he needed to leave the room. "Tsukasa-kun, can I kiss you?" Oh.
He couldn't process what anything meant, he just nodded along and allowed Rui's lips on his own.
Rui's hand held his head, while the other rubbed soothing patterns on his cheek. Tsukasa didn't know what to do.
Through the tears and pain, he kissed him back. As messed up as it was, he couldn't find it in himself to care. He wanted Rui to hold him and tell him he loved him. He wanted to kiss him and be by his side again.
Rui didn't realize how much this moment meant to Tsukasa.
When they pulled away, Rui wiped the continuous tears that were running down his splotchy face. "Don't cry. I don't like seeing you like this." Rui whispered again, planting a soft kiss to his cheek.
Tsukasa only nodded, attempting to slow down his breathing as the other held his quivering body as if he were made of glass.
"Can I kiss you again? Please.." Tsukasas asked, his voice frail. Rui quickly connected them once again.
He tasted like alcohol. The thought kept creeping up on him. He shifted his body slightly to the side to reach him better, without breaking the kiss once.
He wanted him. He wanted all of him. He was sick of wanting something he couldn't have when it was right in front of him.
It was taunting. Unfair.
He finally broke away from him, staring back at Rui who was already staring back at him. "T-Thank you. I'm so sorry, Rui. Fuck.." He didn't want Rui to remember this, on second thought.
"Don't apologize. Come here, let's rest." He nodded again, like how he always does. He curled up next to him as he watched the other slowly lose consciousness.
Tsukasa Tenma cried himself to sleep that night.