Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s been six months. Six months of waking up alone, getting ready, going to work in a job I find ten times more stressful than it should be, coming back to Isaac’s flat, going back to sleep and repeat, repeat and repeat. I know he doesn’t mind but I can’t help but feel like a burden to Isaac. Yes, he has a heart of gold and yes, he is one of my best friends and we’d do anything for each other but, for some reason, I still feel like an inconvenience. I can only blame myself though. It was my idea to suggest that Nick and I take a step back from each other. I didn’t necessarily expect the words to come out of my mouth but one tiny argument led to another and eventually it ballooned into this gigantic shouting match. We both said things we regret but in that moment, we both knew breaking up was for the best. I could see it in Nick’s eyes that he felt the same. We weren’t Nick&Charlie anymore. We were just two adults who lived together, with chaotic jobs and no spare time to think about ourselves let alone each other. I couldn’t stand feeling apart from Nick when I was sleeping right next to him. I don’t know how but even cuddling felt different. Nick was barely at home due to the multiple teaching conferences he had to attend and I was always looking at a screen due to editing millions of sentences at work and at home due to my manager being an incompetent asshole which caused multiple scheduling conflicts each week for months on end. We didn’t realise that our relationship was being slowly eroded by the multiple waves that come with adulthood until we were dangling off the edge of a cliff, hanging on to virtually nothing, just waiting for the drop. When we eventually told our friends, everyone was shocked but soon understood that we weren’t going to change our minds. Elle spent about a week asking me questions but if I’m being honest, I didn’t know the answers as I was also very confused. Everyone silently agreed to not bring up Nick unless it proved to be an essential part of the conversation. Our friend groups still met up but never with Nick and I at the same time. To this today, I still feel guilty that I basically caused this rift to happen even though I had my reasons. 

I sigh deeply and turn up the music on my speaker to try and drown out these cycle of thoughts and a few minutes later, Elle knocks on my bedroom door and pops her head round and asks, “Charlie, are you ready to go?” I look up from the notebook I’m doodling in and give her a  pointed look. Elle rolls her eyes and comes in, making her way to sit on the end of my bed. “Charlie, I know you don’t want to, but…” she hesitates ever slow slightly and takes a deep breath. “…don’t you think it will be good for you to actually go out somewhere that isn’t the shops or work? We haven’t done much as a group in a while. And who knows? Maybe you’ll enjoy yourself and stop thinking about Ni- I mean… him.” I rest my head back against the wall. “You’re allowed to say his name. I’ve told you so many times, I’m fine. I just don’t feel the need to go outside to a pub when we can drink in one of our flats,” I reply with as much confidence as I can muster. I glance back to Elle and she does not look impressed.

I’m not gonna get out of this, am I?

“Ugh, fine. I’ll be ready in two minutes,” I roll my eyes and Elle smiles at me as she squeezes my ankle, as if to say thank you and leaves my room. I quickly throw a knitted jumper on and quickly tie up my usual pair of converse before heading downstairs where I’m met with Tao, Elle and Isaac chatting quietly. Tao looks up and greets me with a smirk. “Finally,” he says. “He knows how to open a door!” “Tao, shut up or else I will actually turn around and go back to my room,” I reply with a huff. He stands as he puts his arms up, as if he's surrendering. 

It takes us 15 minutes to walk to the pub, which is not as busy as it usually is on a Friday night. We’re now all on our third drink of the night, having been there for a couple of hours already. I hate to admit, but it has actually been good to get out of the flat.

Elle and I just look at each other from across the table, trying not to laugh as Tao and Isaac argue about whether or not movie adaptations of books are better than the books themselves. After 5 minutes, I start to zone out and look down at my rum and coke, which is slowly disappearing. I’m fiddling with the edge of a napkin when I hear it. My hands freeze, as if stopping everything will enhance my hearing. I’m trying to not look around. What if I just imagined it? Surely it can’t be. Why now and here of all places? 

Shit. There it is again. 

This time I can’t help but snap my head up in the direction of the laugh belonging to the man I’ve been in love with since I was 15. It only takes a couple of seconds for me to see him sitting at the bar with his friends, smiling about something, probably sports related. I almost can't believe it but sure enough, Nick, Sai, Otis and Christian are here.  

“Charlie!”

I’m snapped out of my trance by Elle’s voice and whip my head back to face her. “What?” I ask, sounding out of breath. She gives me a confused look and then turns to where I was staring and her mouth falls into an ‘oh’ shape. Tao and Isaac do the same. Nobody saying anything. 

“Guys, stop staring! They might see,” I say after a few moments. They all turn back to me, sharing a worried glance with each other. “Um…do you want to leave?” Tao asks quietly. “What? Why would I want to leave? It’s a public place. We’re allowed to be in here,” I say, probably too quickly. I sneak another look in their direction and notice that Nick has some stubble and his hair is slightly unkempt yet somehow, he still looks gorgeous. I look back at my friends, biting my bottom lip slightly. “That may be true but…you haven’t seen him in months. Nobody will blame you if you’re not ready to see him yet,” Isaac reasons. “Guys, it’s fine!” I force a smile. “Anyway, who won the movies vs book argument?” Thankfully, my deflection works and we find ourselves back in comfortable conversation about random things. I try not to think about the four men on the opposite side of the room but it’s proving rather difficult. 

Around half an hour has passed when Tao announces he has to go to the toilet. It’s only been a minute when I notice Christian pass by heading in the same direction. “Oh fuck,” I mumble quietly. But not quiet enough because Elle looks at me, “What? What is it?” “Oh, um… It’s nothing. I just saw Christian go to the toilets as well,” I breathe out, looking back at my drink. “So?” Isaac questions. I look between the pair of them. “What if he sees Tao?” I begin. “They both got on with each other surprisingly well. What if like, they end up coming over?” I say, the panic obvious in my voice. Elle gives me a sympathetic look and says, “Charlie, calm down. I don’t think Tao would be that dumb.”

“Actually,” Isaac interrupts and points. “I think he might be.” The three of us look towards the bar and see Christian with his arm around Tao, chatting with Nick and Otis. Tao has a tight smile, almost like he was forced into the conversation whereas Nick has wide eyes, lips slightly parted in surprise.

I feel my pulse quicken. This is not good. 

“See, I told you!” I whisper-yell, looking back at my friends. I glance back towards Tao and realise that it’s not just Tao coming back. I give him a look as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ He responds by mouthing the word ‘sorry’. I slide up closer to Isaac in the booth, making more room for the new members of our group. Tao and Christian sit beside me, Otis sliding in beside Elle. Sai grabs a couple of chairs for the end of the table which he and Nick use. Nick trails behind them ever so slightly and gingerly sits down, his eyes almost trained to the ground. I try to look away, giving his friends small smiles as they say greet Elle, Isaac and I. I can’t help but look towards Nick again and this time our eyes meet and it’s like everything around us disappears for a few moments. I let out a breath I didn’t realise I had been holding. I notice that he does the same. I give him a small smile which he returns and I look back at my drink.

Hopefully, this won’t be too awkward. 

Chapter Text

It’s been almost two hours since Nick and his friends came over. Conversation was friendly and thanks to Sai, Elle and their conversational skills, it was actually bearable. Both Nick and I have stayed quite quiet, only speaking when someone asked us questions about what we’re up to or an opinion on something. It may sound weird but I’ve missed his voice. There’s something about it that calms me, even now after everything that happened. Nick suddenly stands and says, “I’m gonna get another drink, anyone want anything?” “Oh, me! I’ll come with you!” Elle replies, standing up. Once Christian asks for another beer, they head towards the bar and wait. Knowing Elle, she’ll manage to strike up a decent conversation with Nick. It’s what she’s always been good at, no matter the situation. “So, Charlie, I feel like I should apologise,” Christian starts. I give him a confused look, “What? Why?” “It’s kinda my fault we’re over here. I didn’t really think about how you or Nick would feel considering you haven’t seen each other in like, six months,” he gives me an apologetic smile. “Oh, no. It’s fine,” I reply with a shrug, feeling a slight heat in my cheeks.

Little did anyone know that it’s not actually been that long since Nick and I last saw each other.

3 months ago

I’m rushing around my room in Isaac’s flat, frantically searching for a folder for work. It’s filled with confidential numbers and information about an important client and I think my manager will most definitely kill me if I can’t find it by the end of the week. “Isaac!” I shout. A few seconds later, Isaac is at my door. “Have you seen the dark blue folder with the words confidential on it?” I ask as I bring my hand up to my mouth, trying my hardest not to bite my nails due to anxiety. “No, I haven’t,” he replies, shaking his head. “Why, what’s up?” I groan and flop back onto the bed. “It has information that my boss needs by Friday and if I lose it, I will probably lose my job as a result,” I say as I bring my hands up to my face. “I don’t know where I’ve put it. I swear I had it a few weeks ago, I remember taking it home with me and- oh. Shit.” Immediately, I sit up and stare at Isaac with panicked eyes. He looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to go on.

“It’s with Nick,” I breath out heavily. “When I moved out, I was in such a rush, I forgot I put it in a specific place… It must still be there. Isaac, what do I do?!” I start pacing up and down the room. This is the last thing I need, and I know there is only one logical solution but I really don’t want to accept it. “Charlie, stop pacing and looking at me,” Isaac says sternly. I do what I’m told, like I’m under a spell. 

“I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear-“

“No.”

“But I think-“

“Isaac, no.”

I squeeze my eyes shut as Isaac finishes his sentence.

“You need to text Nick and ask if you can pick it up.”

I groan again. 

“Charlie, come on. You’re an adult. You can do this,” Isaac shoots me a sympathetic smile. “It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just a short five minute visit and you’re done. It’ll be fine.” As Isaac walks away from my room, I sigh and fall onto the bed again. I take a few deep breaths and pick up my phone. “This is so stupid. Why do you have to be so fucking stupid, Charlie? Honestly, no wonder your life is a mess,” I mutter to myself as I scroll to Nick’s number. I begin to type the message but delete it a few times before settling on one. 

Charlie: hey, i’m really sorry to bother you but i think i left a folder that i need for work. i was wondering if i could come and collect it tomorrow?

Charlie: it’s charlie btw 

Why I put that last message? I don’t know. He could’ve deleted my number for all I know - even though I know he wouldn’t. It’s Nick. He’s not petty like that. 

I immediately throw my phone on my pillow and jump up to sit at my drum kit, playing a random rhythm to cope with the anxiety that comes with waiting. 10 minutes later I hear a beeping noise and I still my arms, almost forgetting to breathe. I slowly make my way to the bed and pick up my phone. 

Nick: Hey yeah that’s fine. I’ll be home from around 4 

Nick: So just come whenever

Nick: Also I know it’s you. I still have your number you idiot x

I read the message twice over, not really sure if it’s real. He still calls it home? Does he mean that just for him? Or is he saying that it’s still home for me too? And why did he have to send a kiss?  

This is not helping me at all, Nick. 

I find myself smiling at my screen and quickly shake my head to remind myself the purpose of this whole interaction. I breathe out and shakily text a reply.

Charlie: okay great thank you

Charlie: i guess i’ll see you tomorrow then

The rest of the night and the following morning were filled with anxiety and restlessness. Isaac forced me to eat a small breakfast and lunch, just in case I ended up spiralling later on. Now, here I am, standing outside the small terraced house, what I used to call home. It’s 5pm. I would’ve come earlier to get it out the way but I spent so much time panicking that Isaac had to physically shove me out the door in order for me to leave. I bring a shaky hand to the door and knock three times before I chicken out. I stuff my hands into my winter jacket. I don’t know what to do with them. It’s not even that cold considering it’s February. A few moments pass and before I know it, the door opens to show Nick, in his work clothes. A smart shirt and trousers.

Damn you, Nelson. Why do you have to look so good?

“Hi,” he says quietly, offering a small smile. I look away quickly, feeling hot under his gaze but can’t help but look back a few seconds later and reply with, “Hi.”

You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

If the ground wanted to open up and swallow me whole, that would be great. I would be happy with that.

“Oh, um. Come in,” Nick says and steps back, remembering the reason for my visit. I step forward, into the hallway. I get a small whiff of his aftershave, the one I love, and it takes almost everything in me to not melt into his arms. “Thanks,” I say quietly, my head down. “Um, I’ll just be a couple of minutes. I think I remember where I put it.” I look up at him and he still has that stupid smile but his eyes say something else. They’re filled with what I can only describe as melancholy but also a hint of... happiness? 

I see he still has that sparkle that everyone falls for. Hurray for me.

He nods and I take that as my cue to move. I remember I put the folder in what used to be my office, which is upstairs next to our - wait, no - Nick’s bedroom. I reach the door and turn the handle. As I step into the room, I notice that not much has changed. Apart from the personalised items I took with me, the desk, chair and all the shelves are still in place. I remember building the shelves with Nick like it was yesterday. I feel something catch at the back of my throat due to the nostalgia. I quickly clear my throat because I am determined to not cry when Nick is so close. I go to the shelves at the back of the room and open the small compartment at the top. I stand on my tiptoes and reach my hand in, feeling around until I land on something hard. 

Bingo.

I grab it tightly and pull it off the shelf. I give it a once over and check the contents inside. Everything that I need seems to be there. 

“Okay, Charlie. You did what you came here to do so now you can leave,” I think to myself yet, I don’t move. Why do I feel…sad?

I take yet another deep breath and try to come to my senses. I make my way back down stairs expecting Nick to still be there, waiting. But he’s nowhere to be seen. I go to leave but stop a few steps from the door. 

Is it rude to leave without saying goodbye?

Goddamn. 

I spin around and head further into the house. I find Nick in the kitchen near the kettle. “Um…” I start quietly and somehow Nick hears it and looks up. I hold up the folder with a small smile. “I found what I was looking for so…” I’m not sure what else to say. This is the most awkward thing I’ve ever experienced. “Oh, right. Good,” Nick says, his smile falling ever so slightly. A few moments pass as we stand there, staring at each other from the opposite side of the room. “I guess I’ll go then,” I say awkwardly. I see Nick nod once and looks down at his hands on the counter as he bites his lip. I slowly turn and head back to the front door with a sigh leaving me. However, before I can even reach for the handle I hear Nick shout, “Wait, Charlie!” “Yeah?” I turn around to see Nick much closer than I expected, a light blush appearing on his cheeks. His right hand extended out as if he’s about to reach for me but then he drops it back to his side. “I was- I just,” he stutters. I don’t say a word. I don’t know what I would even say. Nick closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and continues, “It was nice seeing you again. Even if it wasn’t for long.”  His eyes reopen and he moves his gaze to the floor.

I feel a wave of emotion come over me and I have to look away. If I stare at his stupid face for much longer, I fear I may not leave. “Yeah, um,” I clear my throat. “You too, Nick.” I glance back up, risking it. We lock eyes for a few moments and suddenly, Nick’s arms are wrapped around me, holding me tight. It takes me a second to register what has happened but eventually, I let the folder drop to the floor and wrap my arms around his waist. I can feel his heart beating hard against my chest, my own is probably the same. I hate how familiar this feels; how starved of Nick I have become in such a short amount of time; I hate how this feels like home.

After what feels like an eternity, we slowly pull apart but stop as we find our foreheads resting against each other. I close my eyes, relishing the moment. The feeling of his soft breaths on my skin, when his hand cups my face, when his thumb rubs my cheek gently. I can’t seem to hold the tears back any longer and feel a few leave my eyes, which are quickly wiped away by Nick’s thumb. It’s only when I hear a sniffle, I open my eyes. Nick’s eyes are also filled with tears, slightly red. 

Fuck it.

I pluck every ounce of courage and ignore the warning bells in my head as I take my hands from Nick’s waist and pull on his shirt to bring him closer until our lips meet. It doesn’t take long for the kiss to deepen, filled with every emotion that words can't describe.

Heartbreak. Pain. Anger. 

Comfort. Passion. Love.

I wrap my arms around Nick’s neck to pull us even closer, his own wrapping tightly around my waist. “Char…” he mumbles against my lips. I freeze at the nickname. I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear it again.

“Please, I need you.”

My breath hitches and I run my hands through his hair at the base of his neck. “Okay,” I respond quietly. That’s all it takes for Nick to kiss me harder than before, but it stops as quickly as it had begun. He takes my hand and drags me up the stairs to the bedroom. As soon as I’m inside, he kisses me harder than ever and pushes me against the door. I respond with the same intensity as our arms wrap around each another. 

Am I going to regret this?

~~~~~

I’m not sure how long we’ve been lying here but it’s been long enough for me to realise that what just happened was both stupid yet, one of the best things ever. I watch as Nick breathes in and out, his eyes closed but still awake. His fingers gently drawing patterns on my lower back as we cuddle. I bring a hand up to his face, brushing his hair away before cupping his jaw. His eyes flutter open and I feel myself getting lost in his eyes once again. I will never tire of how beautiful he is. He is the definition of perfection. 

I’m suddenly even more aware of what we did. It’s real. This isn’t a dream. 

Shit.

“I should probably go,” I whisper. “Probably,” Nick whispers back. “Can I ask you a question though?” “Of course,” I say. Nick takes a deep breath before saying, “What we did…what does that mean for us?” 

Of all the questions, he had to go and ask the most difficult one.

I open and close my mouth a couple of times, not sure how to answer. Nick takes that as hesitation and pulls away and sits up, resting his head against the wall. I try to ignore how cold I now feel without his touch. “Nick, I…” I begin. He doesn’t look at me, just closes his eyes once again. “First of all, I'm not...mad that this happened.” I see him relax slightly. “But it was probably not the smartest thing to do,” I continue. Nick lets out a dry chuckle. “And as amazing as it was, I just don’t think enough time has passed for either of us to sort out what we need to. I think I need more time to figure things out so I can be sure that whenever we do get back together, I can be better. For you. For me. For us.”  

I see a tear run down the side of his face and he says, “I hate that you’re right.” I let out a short laugh and sit up to be next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” I say. “Hey, no s-word, remember?” Nick jokes. But all that does is cause the dam to break and I let the tears fall. I turn my head and press a kiss his shoulder and before anything else can happen, I move out of the bed and quickly find my clothes and throw them back on. The tears won’t stop. My breathing becoming heavier. As I try to hide my face from Nick, all the memories, good and bad, come back to me and I just have to leave. I let out a quick goodbye, not looking back because I just know I’ll not be able to handle the look on his face. Picking the folder up from the floor on my way out, I grab the front door’s handle and I’m met with a wave of cold air. It calms me ever so slightly. I close the door and begin to walk as fast as I can back towards Isaac’s flat. When I get back, I immediately head to my room, not giving Isaac the chance to ask any questions since I took hours, instead of minutes, to come back. As soon as I walk inside of the room, I fall onto my bed and let out a painful sob. 

I’m not sure that was worth the pain… but somehow, I don’t think I regret it.

Chapter Text

Present day

After a quick five minute chat with Elle as we waited for our drinks, we head back to the table. I still can’t believe Christian. Why he thought this was a good idea, I have no clue. The moment Tao was dragged over I was filled with dread and anticipation. Because wherever Tao goes, Charlie will, nine times out of ten, always be with him. Surprisingly, Tao had been quite civil towards me. I have a feeling that Charlie probably told him not to be his usual protective self, which I’m thankful for. Tao has always low-key scared me a little. Once we sit down again, we easily slip back into the conversation. I notice Charlie keeping his head down but listening all the same. He has the same small smile he wears when he’s nervous. I take a sip of my drink, just for something to do, not really paying attention until I hear Charlie giggle at something Elle says. It takes everything in me not to reach over and kiss him. I’ve missed him so much. I never thought a giggle would be the cause of simultaneous pain and happiness, but here we are. I thought that after that night a few months ago we would quickly get back on track. But deep down, I knew Charlie was right in spending more time apart. I was definitely not ready and I want to respect Charlie’s decision. It probably would’ve been even more destructive. 

But, God, it was the best I had felt in weeks. I felt whole again. 

I’m snapped back to reality by the bartender shouting, “Last orders! We close in 10 minutes!” “Jesus, is that the time already?” Otis says, checking his watch. I look at my phone and sure enough, it’s almost midnight. We slowly stand up, collecting our things, putting jackets back on and make our way outside. “It was nice to see everyone again,” Elle smiles after a few moments, holding onto Tao’s arm. Everyone nods in agreement. Otis is the first to say his goodbyes, with Sai and Christian following closely behind but in the opposite direction. I stuff my hands in my pockets and look at the ground. I don’t want to leave but it’ll have to happen. Tao turns to Charlie and asks quietly, “You gonna be okay getting back?” “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he nods in return. I learned that he’s still living with Isaac earlier on when Isaac left an hour before everyone else, saying something about a book convention he had to get up early for the next day. Tao and Elle give Charlie a quick hug each before walking away down the street.

Leaving me…and Charlie.

“Um, I’m going that way,” he starts, pointing over his shoulder. The same way that I need to go. 

This could be… something. 

Before I can stop myself, I ask him, “Can I walk you home?” Charlie just looks at me and blinks a few times. “I’m going the same direction. Um…I think Isaac’s is on the way back to mine,” I quickly add. “Oh, right. Yeah, okay,” Charlie breathes out with a small smile. I nod once and we start walking. It’s not an awkward silence but it’s not exactly comfortable either. The silence is accompanied by the sound of our footsteps on the pavement and the few cars that are still on the road. “So, how have you been?” I ask tentatively, giving him a small glance. “Not too bad, yeah. I’ve tried to keep busy,” Charlie replies slowly. I open my mouth to speak when he lets out a soft laugh. “What? What’s so funny?” I ask and I can’t help but smile at him. “Nothing! It’s just funny how the whole reason Elle forced me to go to the pub was to try and stop me from thinking about you,” he explains. I feel a blush rise on my cheeks, mentally blaming the cold despite that not being the reason. “It seems that Elle wasn’t the only one with that idea,” I chuckle. “Christian probably would have dragged me out if I hadn’t agreed after days of asking.” “Ironic how the night ended then,” Charlie laughs out. 

The next ten minutes goes by quickly. We easily chat about random things and it’s like how it was before. Just as we stop at the door of Charlie and Isaac’s flat, I notice Charlie fiddling with the hem of his sleeve. “Do you-“ he starts as his eyes meet mine. “Do you want to come in? For tea?” I take a few beats to process what he just asked. “Oh, um. Yeah, sure,” I eventually say. We exchange small smiles and make our way through the front door. Charlie shrugs off his jacket and puts it on the back of the couch on the way, I do the same. An odd wave of nostalgia comes over me; this feels slightly domestic, like before. As I am about to follow Charlie through to the kitchen, I notice a picture sitting on the coffee table. More specifically, a picture of us from a few years ago when we went to Winter Wonderland in London. It shows us looking at each other, with wide smiles and crinkled eyes as we laughed about something. Elle took the picture and it soon became my favourite. The fact that Charlie still has it, not hidden from view is all I need. 

I suddenly feel very sober and clear headed. What the hell am I doing? 

I quickly follow Charlie and take a seat at the island kitchen counter, opposite to where Charlie is as he turns the kettle on. This is my one chance to make things right. If I don’t take it, then everything leading up to this point will have been for nothing. “Charlie,” I say quietly, almost like a question. He hums in response and looks up at me. His dark blue eyes take my breath away for a moment. “I… I just want to say, no, I need to say that…” I take a deep breath and look down at my hands on the table. 

“These last few months have been utter hell. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t. I know the whole reason for the break up was to figure ourselves out and focus on our jobs but I think, for me, that is impossible to do. Ever since you left, I’ve felt like something was missing. A part of me. And I thought it would go away in time but…the truth is…” I take another deep breath. I’m surprised I’ve gotten this far. “The truth is that it’s just got worse. I’m still hopelessly in love with you and nothing has changed about the fact that you are my whole life. Everything is better with you. For some reason, the whole job didn't get any better when you left and I felt like I was losing control. Coming home to what used to be our place without you there…It didn’t feel like home anymore. Charlie, you are my home. I realised you were the one grounding me when my job got tough and yes, it was shit when we argued but I need you. And I just need you to know that. I want to try us again. I think I’m ready to take as many risks as possible to keep you. It sounds stupid and probably borderline unhealthy but living is easier with you by my side. I promise that this time I’ll prioritise our relationship more. We can have weekly date nights like we used to, and I’ll communicate more whenever I’m struggling with something…and I’ll be there for you, like I always have been. You’re still my favourite person. And I won’t stop saying it…ever.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realise I had been holding in. I feel a tear run down my cheek but I’m too scared about what is going through Charlie’s mind to care. Suddenly, I feel a hand on top of mine. I look up to see Charlie standing next to me, tears also in his eyes. He bites his lower lip before giving me a small smile. A flicker of hope. Slowly, he inches his face closer and I hold my breath until his forehead is resting against mine. I feel an odd sense of déjà vu, thinking back to that night. “Please…say something before I go crazy,” I plead. Charlie lets out a soft laugh and brings his other hand to my cheek, his thumb wiping away my tears. I lean into his touch, wishing time would stop so I can stay in this moment. “I think…” Charlie begins and I see him swallow before continuing. “I think that that’s one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard anyone say.” I can’t help but smile and let out a chuckle, “Charlie, c’mon. Don’t leave me hanging.” “Okay, sorry,” Charlie laughs quietly.

“I feel the same way. I feel like I’ve been on autopilot for the last couple of months. I’ve always known but it made me realise even more that you are it for me, Nick Nelson. We’ve been through so much together and it would be stupid to throw that away over something that doesn’t even matter anymore.” I pull my head away and look at him with wide eyes, my mouth slightly parted, almost not believing what he just said. I bring my hand up and cup his face. “If it helps in any way,” Charlie says as he brings his hand down to the collar of my shirt and starts playing with the hem. “I’ve been promoted at work…so now instead of being an assistant, I have one. Which means I have more free time…for us.” I feel my heart beat quicken with pride.

“Char, that’s amazing!” I breathe out. I see his smile widen at my use of his nickname. “So, where does that leave us,” I ask cautiously. I can’t help but feel slightly giddy at the thought of us being together again, even if it is still so uncertain. “I think...we should discuss this further tomorrow when we’ve not been drinking and can think clearly,” Charlie reasons slowly. “Oh,” is all I can say and I feel my stomach twist ever so slightly. As much as I hate that answer, I know he’s right. Charlie is always right. “I guess I’ll go then?” I ask hesitantly, dropping my hand from his face. I see Charlie rip his gaze away from where his hands were on my shirt with a confused look and takes my hand in his.

“I never said I wanted you to leave.”