Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

James scratched his head, looking uneasily at the building. "You sure this is a good idea, lily?" He asked, as they entered the fertility clinic.

"Yes, James. You and I both want a child, and since someone …!" She glared back out the door. “Hampered that…”

"I said I was sorry!" Sirius whined from the car. "I sneezed mid-spell!

“It’s still why you’re staying in the car, young man!” She yelled back."Also...it seems I'm allergic to fertility potions..."

"Yeah." James looked a tad grossed out. "But, it was pretty damn impressive, in volume, range and noise! I didn't know a retch could rattle windows."

Lily just gave him a look. "Can we please forget that!?" She said, before quietly muttering '...still don't remember eating any carrots today.”

Both of them looked slightly confused at what they were just told. “Um, could you repeat that?” James asked. “In English prefer-ow!” He rubbed his side where Lily jabbed him.

The doctor chuckled. “X-rays and tests show no physical damage or abnormalities; so our best bet is inducing ovarian stimulation by a simple hormone injection.” He gave them both a reassuring smile and headed over to a small cooler on the nearby shelf. “The process will take less than fifteen minutes. And I assure you that any side effects should be mild at worst.” 

“Um…” James started when the doctor came back with it and took out a vial of a dark-reddish looking liquid. “It’s probably my ignorance of the whole thing, but…” He squinted at the label. “Why is that stuff called ‘Blacklight’?”

“Oh, that’s simply the brand name. The developer wanted to make it sound ‘edgy’, for some reason.”

It took a little bit of discussing the pros and cons between them, but the Potters finally both agreed to the process.

True enough, ten minutes and a bandage later, and the couple - along with a still sulking Sirius Black - were on their way back home. “You feeling ok, Lils?” James asked, seeing her rub the spot she was jabbed.

“Huh? Oh yeah, it always feels a little itchy when I get injections.” She pointed to the backseat. “NOT one word, Black.”

Sirius responded with the utmost maturity…and made a fart sound.

“JAMES! JAMES!” Lily squealed, almost pirouetting into the room. “Look!” She held out the small object to him.

“What this…wait, this is…it’s a muggle pregnancy test, isn’t it?” He looked down at it.

Two lines

“Hm.” Remus looked back at the source of the screams and yells of celebration. “Looks like it happened.”

“Really?” Sirius followed his gaze. “About bloody time! Shall we go break out the cleaning and paint spells for the room?”

"Thought you hated sah-sash-ses....raw fish." James said, hoping he didnt look as queasy as he felt at the sight of his wife's current pregnancy cravings. Admittedly, he was told his mum wolfed down plates of raw eggplant, marshmallow fluff and oxtail. Lily's craving, though....

"* munch* I hate it, but the wintergreen helps." She replied, between bites of sashimi on sliced lump charcoal and topped with toothpaste, washing the whole mess down with what looked like coffee mixed with mouthwash. 

"Dear Merlin...Lils, how are you not getting..."

“No clue! I’m still bloody hungry!”

“....not what I really meant.”

Lily grumbled to herself, pushing aside the same bottle the fourth time since she’d opened the fridge. “Gotta be something!” She groaned. She’d finally had a hankering for something not related to her pregnancy; the only problem was she didn’t know what she wanted.

Potted meat; no. Bagels; no. Pickles; no. Nothing seemed to get her interested, but she was *hungry*!

She was ready to give up when she was distracted by a strange tickle in her stomach. “What’s-”

With a loud exhale, her abdomen opened up. There wasn’t any blood, any pain. It didn’t even feel odd. Instead Lily looked down at the huge toothy mouth that was there now. It calmly opened and a long tongue-like extension darted out to wrap around three different items. She didn’t get a chance to see exactly what they were before they vanished into the maw and it clamped shut with a chomping noise.

Then it disappeared as easily as it appeared. Lily looked at her belly, then the now empty area in the fridge, then let out a loud belch. “...magic is so weird.” She muttered, sniffing the air. “Capers?”

“Where’s the pickled herring?” James stared at the fridge in confusion and a little outrage. “There were two jars here, and I’m the only one who eats it. And the olives! That was a new jar!”

Lily just pretended she didn’t hear him.

It wasn’t long before the day finally arrived…

“Is a delivery supposed to be that noisy?” Sirius called out over the bellows, shrieks, and odd otherworldly noises. 

“What?’ Remus yelled back. “I don’t know anyone from Boise!”

“What??”

After a couple more hours, everything went silent, and amidst the familiar baby crying, James came stumbling out. A wide smile on his face; shaking like he’d just seen something the human race wasn’t meant to see, but smiling. “Heh..I have a son...tentacles...claws...but I got a son.”

“That normal?” One of the nearby orderlies asked.

Sirius shrugged. “Don’t ask me. Knowing my family, my cousin was summoned out of a redcap's arse…”

“Which one?” Remus asked.

“Yes.” 

“Um, guys?” Lily called out from inside the room. “Is it normal for a magical baby to...cut its own umbilical cord?”

The trio looked at each other. “I…dunno. Pad’s the only one with a younger sibling.” James said.

“And I was two when he was born.”

“On an unrelated note…” Remus looked a little confused, and mildly creeped out. “Who was yelling ‘ftagen’?”

Life in the Potter household carried on after that, albeit with a few…changes.

“Honey!? We have a rat problem!”

Lily looked up. James had taken their new son, Harry, to the kitchen to fix him something to eat, when she heard him yell. “What do you mean-” She stopped at the sudden sound of a terrified squeak, then something being skewered and a wet crunch.

“...Nevermind.”

“YIPE YIPE YIPE!”

Ever since he was bitten, Remus had been at odds with Moony, his werewolf side. Moony craved the hunt whenever he was able to get out, regardless of what he decided to chase after.

True, James, Sirius, and Peter had been able to help him keep that part in check, but there were times…

“Hiiisssss….!”

“YIPE!”

Both man and wolf were surprisingly in agreement at the moment: RUN AWAY!

“James, why is our son outside...at NIGHT!?” She knew she’d just put him to bed not an hour ago.

James scratched his head. “...probably why Moony is in that tree he's sitting under.” He and Sirius had planned to go on a late night run with him to let him burn off some energy…that probably wasn’t necessary now.

Harry sat himself down at the base of the tree, glaring up at the shivering werewolf in the branches. 

Said werewolf whimpered and gripped the branch tighter. The frown on the boy's face was NOT normal!

"Move aside." Voldemort ordered. "Or join your husband!"

"Over my dead body!" Lily hissed despite the tears at hearing James' body hitting the floor downstairs. Her grip on her wand tightened. "You want my son, you're going to have to go through-!"

"SCREEE!" 

She jumped when something flew over her shoulder straight towards the dark wizard.

"Wha...Avada Kedavraaaaa!" Voldemort shouted, casting the Killing Curse at the airborn infant. A shout that turned into a scream as spell and infant collided...only for the baby to explode into a frenzied mass of fangs and tentacles.

A scream that was quickly silenced.

Lily stared as the seething mass ended the reported worst Dark Lord in a century, a few crunches the only thing that was heard before it reformed back into her son.

”Uh..Harry?” She asked tentatively, inching towards him. 

Harry turned around to face her, then..

"URAP!"

"Ew..." She winced at Voldemort's half-chewed wand as it clattered on the floor.

Harry just looked oddly...smug.

She quickly scooped him up while the adrenaline was still pumping and looked around furiously. “Where’s that bloody owl!?”

Chapter Text

Sirius paced around the drawing room of 13 Grummauld Place, his emotions in a mess.

He wanted to cry at the death of his brother in all but blood, be relieved that Lily and Harry were safe, get drunk to try and process the letter she'd sent them, and want Wormtail's hide. And all of them were squabbling to get to the front.

Remus wasn't much better. "Pad?" He asked, sitting by Lily trying his best to offer some measure of comfort. The adrenaline had waned, so now she was a visible wreck.

"Why...?" The man asked.  "Why would he do this...James trusted that rat...WE trusted him!"

"Don't care about the-the why..." Lily managed to get out, her voice scratchy from crying. "The only thing I care about is what I'm going to do if I ever see that -"

Remus quickly covered Harrys ears from the vitriol she unleased.

"-with his own teeth!"

Both men stared at her in varied levels of shock, and admiration. "Say when, and I'll get you the car jacks myself." Sirius said. "... just as soon as you tell me what one is..."

She let out a slight chuckle. "Thanks...both of you."

There was a sudden pop as the Black house elf, Kreacher appeared. He quickly snapped his fingers, causing a faint glow over Harry. "Kreacher has changed young master's diaper." He said, before presenting him with an oddly proportioned teddy bear. "Adorable little terror you are, yes you are!"

Harry laughed and quickly took hold of it. The three adults just stared, working out what they just witnessed. Sirius looked at the glass of whiskey he'd just poured to settle his nerves. "This stuff's still in date, right...?"

"Kreacher will go prepare young master's crib posthaste." The unusually well-behaved elf gave Harry a respectful nod before popping out of sight.

"That...that was Kreacher, wasn't it?" Remus asked, staring at where he'd been.

"Padfoot, what just happened?" Lily sat Harry on the couch and marched over to him. "I thought your mum's painting was the only thing he'd ever be civil to!"

"So did I!" He replied, glancing around suspiciously. "Was halfway ready to have to talk you out of ripping his head off if he started his usual crap..."

The three of them were so confounded by what they'd just seen, none of them noticed when the elf popped back in, holding something in his hands than he promptly offered to Harry.

"How should Kreacher do..." He started to ask himself, before Harry's tongue suddenly darted out, and somehow skewered a black mist that was emerging from the locket in his hand, as if it was trying to flee.

It let out something akin to an agonized wail before the baby chomped down on it with a meaty crunch. 

"The hell!?" Lily spun around to see Harry sitting there, a satisfied look on his face, and Kreacher...well, dancing. Or something like it.

"Kreacher, what'd you just do?" Sirius demanded, marching over to the normally disagreeable elf.

"Kreacher have no need to answer Mistress embarrassment of a son!"

"Don't give me that! And why do you have that old locket!?"

The elf just gave him a defiant look.

"K̸̽̚r̶̊͝e̸͈͗a̸̒́c̵̀͐h̷͗͌e̷̽̀r̸̽͐.̶̔͑.̷̋̃.̴́̉.." Both man and elf froze at the tone in Lily's voice, Kreacher even more so when her shadow fell over him. "I have just lost my husband and home, had my life threatened by the Dark Lord, feared losing my son to said Dark Lord, and seen my son's magic do things that make me question reality and the laws of magic as I learned them...and you just fed him something Dark Magic. You have one chance to explain what just happened before I-" She pointed over to a stuffed Quintiped on the far wall and was beginning to describe which orifice of his it was going to be violently inserted... 

"KreacherpromiseMasterRegulushewouldfindwaytodestroylocketandheardbadmastersayyoungmasterhadeatenDarkLordsoKreacherthoughthecoulddosametohismagicinlocket!" The elf belted out.

"Did...did either of you get that?" She asked.

Remus 'hmmm'ed. "My 'panic ramble' is rusty, but apparently he promised Regulus he'd try to destroy the locket, and overheard us talking about how Harry had..."He looked at Lily.

"Ate Voldemort." She said. "Still have his wand in my handbag."

"And he had put his magic in the locket for some reason and Kreacher wanted to see if Harry could do the same." He looked at Kreacher. "That about it?"

The elf nodded so hard his ears flapped.

"Hang on." Sirius cut in. "What do you mean Regulus asked to destroy it if it was Voldemort's??"

Kreacher, however, refused to say any more.

"How about this, Kreacher..." Lily suggested...

The three listened as Kreacher happily told Harry the story of how Kreacher - at Regulus' instruction - had gone to aid the Dark Lord in hiding the locket that was obviously important for whatever reason, how Kreacher had only survived having drunk the vile potion because he had been ordered to return, how Regulus had nursed him back to health...and then gone to switch the locket for a fake with Kreacher's help, giving the true locket to Kreacher with an order to leave him and to find a way to destroy the locket at all costs...

"...and now finally the order no longer weighs on Kreacher's mind and magic.  Young master has eaten the magic the Dark Lord put in the locket, and Master Regulus' last order is fulfilled.  Thank you, young master, for helping Kreacher keep faith with his Master."

Out in the all, Lily, Sirius, and Remus were all quietly listening, keeping as close as they could without disturbing.

"How'd you know he'd tell Harry?" Sirius whispered.

"Given the way he was doting on him, suggesting he make it a bedtime story seemed to make sense." She replied.

"I can't believe this..." Sirius slumped in his chair. "My brother...he didn't die a Death Eater. But-but why? My whole damn family was behind Voldemort, what was it about the locket that would've made him turn on them??"

"That's something I think we'd all like to know." Remus leaned against the wall. "Whatever it was, magic doesn't just scream like that..."

Lily sighed. "Well, right all I'm worried about is -" A sudden wooshing sound cut her off as the fireplace ignited at a tall robed figure stepped through it into the room. She frowned when she say who it was. "Took your sweet time, Albus Dumbledore." 

Chapter Text

"...so once I sent the owl, I grabbed up Harry and we waited for Sirius and Remus at the apparition spot." Lily finished bringing the old wizard up to date. She made sure to leave out her son making a late dinner out of the century's worst dark wizard, along with the Killing Curse being pretty much worthless against him. 

However, Dumbledore noticed she'd left a few things out, but decided to not comment on it right then. "That's quiet the harrowing tale, my dear. We'll all miss James." His voiced dropped into a more contemplative tone. "So, the prophecy has set itself in motion-"

"Sod the prophecy, Albus!" She snapped. "My husband was murdered just hours ago, and the bastard expected me to just step aside so he do the same to my son, a bloody ONE-YEAR OLD! He can rot for all I care!" 

"I'm fully in agreement with you Lily." He assured her. "Unfortunately, Voldemort and his kind put far more store on Divination than we do, so we need to keep that in mind."

"But he's gone. I saw his curse backfire on himself!"

"His body may have been destroyed, but The Dark Lord was obsessed with being immortal. I have no doubt that he's done what he can to take precautions. He's been bested for now, but sooner or later, I fear he'll attempt to return."

"So that gives us time to at least get ready for him, right?" Sirius asked. "Or at least remove some of his power base."

"True. Though for now I believe a period of recovery is in order from what you've went through." Dumbledore replied. "There are a lot of people who'll be relieved to hear that he is no longer a threat...for now at least. It would probably be best if you took refuge somewhere besides Godric's Hallow for now; his followers will most assuredly be seeking revenge when word gets out."

"They're welcome to stay here if they want." Sirius added. "There's plenty of room, and the old place has enough protections than even Bellatrix admitted the old snake couldn't get past. Besides, I could use the company; Kreacher is a lousy conversationalist."

"Kreacher hates puns!" Came the response from somewhere.

"Speaking of Kreacher..." Lily looked around. "Have you or Remus noticed he and Harry are already getting along...somehow?" 

"Who knows. I gave up trying to make sense of him years ago." Sirius said. 

"Feeling is mutual." The elf replied.

"No one likes a snarky house elf!"

"Master Harry does!"

"Kreacher...?" Dumbledore looked visibly surprised. "I thought he hated everyone but your mother."

"So did we." Lily replied. "But he took a shine to Harry like that." She snapped her fingers.

"Dare I ask how that occurred?"

It took a few minutes of making sure they had their facts straight, but Dumbledore soon found himself looking down at what proved to the locket of Salazar Slytherin himself, still laying where Kreacher had dropped it in his victory dance. A quick diagnostic charm showed there was still slight residue of dark magic, but that would fade in the next few days.  

And for the first time in years, he honestly had no idea how to properly respond to the situation. "Ah, yes. Hm, by any chance would you be willing to part with it for a while? For research purposes."

"If it's really Slytherin's locket, it'd probably be best in Hogwarts where it belongs." Sirius said. "Got no love for the man, but he was still one of the founders." 

With a grateful nod, Dumbledore conjured up a small box and levitated the locket into it. The residue was minor, but better to be careful; it snapped shut and sealed itself once the necklace was in. 

"One other thing, Albus." Lily retrieved the wand used to murder her husband, along with numerous others, out of her bag.

"His." He said. There was no mistaking it.

She nodded, before grabbing both ends, ready to snap it in two.

"Perhaps holding off on destroying it might be preferable." He said, getting a glare from her. "While I'd be happy to see it gone as well, we may be able to potentially use it against whatever method he used to keep himself here. Or possibly track down his followers." 

Lily looked at him, then the wand. For a moment she looked reluctant to not just snap it then and there...before handing it over. "Just...just get it out of my sight." She said. "I won't hesitate to destroy it if I see it again."

"Understandable." He replied. Once the box was tucked in his robe, Dumbledore said his goodbyes for the time being, reminding them to keep an eye out for Voldemort's followers that were still out and about.

The next morning, Kreacher looked after Harry while the three adults made their way back to the house to retrieve what they could. Aurors had already been to the scene and retrieved James' body, Lily was not looking forward to the funeral.

Chapter Text

Remus looked at the calendar. It'd barely been a week since James' funeral and they were all sill feeling it. Idiots from the Ministry weren't helping; wankers had the nerve to try and tell Lily she was to hand over the house and all its contents so it could be turned into a memorial. 

Threatening to use her vegetable peeler on that part of the human body quickly dissuaded them.

Sirius added a boot up their backsides by heading to the Ministry himself and telling them if they wanted to do that, then they better be willing to buy it like any other property...while Lily and Kreacher cleared it out.

He nearly jumped when the sound of the front door slammed shut, followed by an irate grumble from said woman. "Lily?" He quickly sidestepped at the sight of her putting a box down before striding towards the fireplace. "What happened?"

"Seems someone didn't give back something important when he was supposed to." Sirius replied, having gone with her to help do one last scouring of the house.

"Albus Dumbledore! You can some explaining to do!...Minerva, I don't give a toss if it's almost lunchtime, get that prat down in this fireplace now or I'm sending Kreacher there to take his beard hostage!"

"Kreacher hates touching beards!"

The two guy shook their heads. "Say, where's Harry?" Sirius asked, looking around.

"Upstairs, he's been in their bedroom just staring at that wardrobe in the corner for the last half hour. I've tried to figure out why, but Moony freaked out for some reason..." Remus shook his head.

'All right, I'll go see." Sirius headed up, ignoring Lily's yell of 'I'm out of mercy, Albus!'

Hexing a doxxie that decided his nose was to be dinner, he looked into the room Lily had picked out for her and Harry. A made double-sized bed, dresser and couple of arm chairs.

And Harry, sitting on the floor, motionless, and staring intently at the engraved wardrobe setting in the far corner. "Hey, mate." Sirius spoke up, walking over to him. "What's got you so engrossed in this-wha??" He froze when the wardrobe started opening, and a pale hand started reaching out..

*HIIISSSSS!!*

Harry snarled, baring a set of teeth he - or a human in general - should NOT be in possession of. In a flash, the door slammed shut, followed by a terrified whimper.

"..."

"Uhm, Lils, I don't think butter deserves to be used like that..." Remus said, hoping she could hear him over the elf's crazed laughter.

"Moony!" Sirius yelled from upstairs.

"What?"

"You're the boggart expert here!"

"A bog...get Harry out of there!"

"Who said Harry was the one we gotta protect!?"

"I swear to god, Malfoy, if you ever try this shit again, I WILL hex your worthless ass, your bootlickers be damned!" Lily snarled, cutting the floo off before the man could respond.

"Lils, you know the albino wannabe is married to my cousin. Just give the word and I can -"

"No, save that for a last resort." She replied, throwing a piece of parchment into the flames.

Though, she had to admit, letting him dissolve the marriage between Lucius and Narcissa, cutting him off permanently from the Black fortune was oh so tempting. Seriously, where does that ass get off, saying that it was in her 'best interests' to become his concubine.

Fuck. That.

Would've been bad enough if he was the only one. She'd already refused so-called 'offers' from entitled purebloods over the last two months. Siccing the boys and Kreacher on them was more fun than it should have been.

Granted there were more sensible ones that willingly backed off after she declined, but still!

Her son wasn't immune to this nonsense either, it seemed. She damn near removed Percival Parkinson's bowel and bladder control, and testicles after the bastard thought he could not-so subtly intimidate her into agreed to betrothing Harry to his daughter. 

Molly Weasley wasn't quite helping matters either, constantly trying to coax her into a contract with her daughter, Ginny. 

That woman really needed to learn to back off a bit-

"Lily!"

"Speak of the grindylow..." She muttered to herself before turning back to the fireplace. "Hello, Molly."

"There you are!" The woman's face brightened when she saw her. "You won't believe how long it took to get through! I was call to see if you've come to your senses..."

"No, Molly." Lily had to stop herself from growling. "I'm not making a contract. Harry's barely a year old and Ginny is a newborn for Pete's sake!"

"Come now, Lily, this just means they'll have more time..."

"I said no."

Seeing  the thinning patience, Remus quickly stepped in. "Molly, at the moment the Weasleys and the Potters are still friendly, so Ginny will have that much of a chance of romancing Harry when they're older." He said. "However, keep pushing on making a contract and you'll lose that much at least."

"But...!" Molly looked to the side, most likely Arthur. "Fine...I still think a contract would make sure..."

"If it happens, it happens." Lily cut in. "They decide they want to go out together, that's fine. If one or both decide to date other people, we let that happen, understand?"

'That woman is way too used to getting her way.' Remus thought as Molly finally relented, though her expression showed she didn't like it.

"You have to be kidding me... Kreacher, when was the last time anyone's been in the attic??" Sirius yelped, running down stair as safely as he could."

The elf blinked in surprise. "There's an attic?"

"Oh Merlin..."

"What's all the racket?" Lily asked, looking up from her book. "You're acting like you just saw Remus naked again."

"Which is an image I did NOT need to be reminded of, Lily!" He squawked. "There's a bloody massive doxy infestation up there. I was planning to see if we could make use of anything, and almost got swarmed by the little tossers as soon as I opened the door!"

"Dok-shee?" Harry asked, plying with a stack of blocks Remus had managed to find.

"Close, harry." Sirius laughed. "It's 'doxy', they're this mean little flying creatures with more limbs than needed and a tendency to up and bite you. Plus their bite can make you sick if you aren't careful."

Harry frowned at that.

Remus shook his head. "I still say it's ridiculously early for him to be able to say stuff like that."

"This coming from the man who admitted he couldn't say 'kitty' right till he was four." Lily chided.

"Oi! I had a lisp while my teeth were coming in!"

"While I still call bollocks on that, the fact remains, we have to get rid of them before they start moving downstairs!" Sirius cut in. "And I don't think we can legally buy the amount of doxxicide I think we'll be needing."

"That bad?"

"Let me put it this way. I think I spotted two queens..."

"Ohhh..." Both Remus and Lily's faces dropped in dread.

"Where...where'd Young Master go?" Keacher spoke up, looking around.

"You mean Harry?" Lily looked. "Where's Harry?"

"He's right..." Sirius pointed to where the blocks lay on the floor...minus one child. "He was there."

A loud, slightly muffled hiss cut through from upstairs, followed by high-pitched shrieks and crunching; a noise that had all three of them getting goosebumps, and Kreacher looking a tad pale.

"What in Merlin's hairy...!" Remus yelped, grimacing as the shrieks got louder and the hiss turned into growls. Then, as abruptly as it started, the noise stopped, except for a few last cracks.

They could only look up in surprise and more than mild horror before a small figure toddled into view.

"Dok-shees gone!" Harry called out cheerfully as he made his way down the stairs. "*BUUURRRAAAPPPP!*'

"..."

",,,"

"..."

"Kreacher not going up there."