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Loki pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes and groaned with annoyance. His headache had only gotten worse over the past few days, and it hadn’t helped that the pounding had been accompanied by constant queasiness that made eating nearly unbearable. It wasn’t like he didn’t know the cause; it had been four nights since he’d slept. Mobius had been eyeing him since the second night, and had started casually mentioning the extra bed in his office. His office was right down the hall from his own quarters, which Mobius was sure to mention more than once.
“You might sleep better without someone outside of your room each night,” Mobius had said as they walked back to the archives. Loki’s room was on the other side of the TVA since he was required to be under surveillance to give Mobius reprieve. So usually, there was a hunter stationed outside his room each night.
It had been over six months at the TVA and Loki had helped Mobius catch other Loki Variants, but their main one was still in the wind. The only clue they had left was months old and at first, had looked promising. But as they both pored over reports late into the night, it was clear that they’d have to wait for some new clue to resurface. But those late nights had unlocked something in Loki and he found not only comfort in ending the night with Mobius, but that Mobius had a nightly routine: first, having a mug of something warm, followed by reading on the couch in his office before heading to bed. Soon after realizing this routine, Loki found himself seamlessly a part of it; Mobius would make two mugs of something warm and Loki would join Mobius on the couch for a nighttime reading session before bed. It had been a few weeks of this and Loki found that the routine helped make sleep easier. But for the past week, they’d been too busy for the routine and Loki spent most nights up late going back over reports for clues. Not only that, the loss of the routine also meant that Loki’s sleep was much more fitful, bringing the return of one of Loki’s many nightmares. This one was of his mother’s death that played over and over in his mind each time he closed his eyes.
Loki had walked past the room a few times in the night as he quietly paced the TVA after one of the nightmares, finding solace in the whirring and clicking of the machines as that helped keep the timeline in order. The bed was a standard size one in the corner of the room, and was directly next to the couch in Mobius’s office. He’d thought about using it, but the thought of jolting awake with panicked breaths in front of Mobius kept him from even considering it.
Loki squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed them, and then squinted down at the papers in front of him. There were only a few reports left. All he had to do was just keep going for a bit longer.
“Okay,” Mobius sighed, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to Loki at his desk. “I know enough about Lokis to know that they aren’t supposed to look like this.” He gestured to the way Loki slumped at his desk, one hand barely holding up his head.
“I’m just tired,” Loki answered shortly. “I’m a god, but even we sleep sometimes.”
Mobius shook his head. “No, it’s not just exhaustion. When’s the last time you ate anything?”
“This morning,” Loki answered easily. He did his best to focus on the paperwork in front of him, ignoring how Mobius took another deep, patient breath in.
“When’s the last time you ate something and kept it down?” Mobius was immediately aware how red Loki’s ears went at the question.
Loki narrowed his eyes at Mobius. “Why’s that any of your business?” he shot back. “Am I no use to you if I’ve lost a night of sleep or haven’t eaten?”
Mobius stared at him for a second before blinking in surprise. “Loki, it’s been at least four days since I’ve seen you take a bite of anything. And longer since I’ve even seen you lay down or get any semblance of sleep.”
Loki’s ears heated. “You’ve been monitoring me?” he whispered, his mouth curling into a deep frown. “You don’t need to watch me like that. I’m not going to literally burn this place to the ground.”
Mobius spoke slowly. “I’ve been worried about you,” he said at last. His voice dropped quieter. “Is something going on?”
Loki shook his head, aware of how his headache pounded louder in his ears. He resisted the urge to rub at his temples. “It’s nothing,” he insisted. “I want to get through these reports. We have that meeting tomorrow morning.” He went back to reviewing the reports, blinking at the page to keep it in focus.
He felt Mobius’s hand suddenly rest on his forearm and he jumped in surprise, pulling away. He didn’t focus on how warm Mobius’s hand was or how soft his touch had been.
Mobius said nothing but moved slower as he reached out again, and this time Loki allowed the man’s hand to curl around his forearm. Mobius’s thumb traced a half circle against his skin.
The touch was so simple and small, but the amount of gentleness in it at first, made Loki breathless and anxious and he wanted to pull away. But within the next few seconds, all he wanted to do was lean into that touch and soak as much of it in as possible. He visibly sagged as the countless sleepless nights suddenly caught up to him. His head felt like it weighed twice as much as it should and his eyes that blinked rapidly a minute ago, now felt impossible to keep open.
“Let’s get you into bed,” Mobius said slowly.
Loki tiredly gave his head another slow shake. “I can’t sleep through it,” he mumbled. He squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered the way the knife had entered his mother and the way she had cried out in pain and anguish. The sound echoed in his ears even now, he knew it would haunt him in his dreams. “I’ve tried,” he went on. “But I–I can’t.”
Mobius squeezed his arm softly. “What if I stayed with you? I can sleep on the couch in my office.”
Loki blinked. Would Mobius truly do that? Wouldn’t he be bothered about sharing a room knowing that he was Loki and couldn’t be trusted? What if he had the nightmare? But he found himself nodding before letting out a large yawn. His ears went a deeper red in embarrassment and shame.
Mobius led him to the bed in his office, and Loki carefully removed his TVA-approved shoes and adjusted his jumpsuit before sitting on the bed.
“You don’t have to sleep in that,” Mobius said simply and nodded to the small bathroom across the hall. “There’s some sleepwear in the bathroom for you.”
Loki was unsure what to say, but nodded once as he made his way to the bathroom to change. He came out a few minutes later in a pair of loose pants and a crew neck shirt. He hadn’t missed the giant letters spelling out VARIANT printed on the backside of his shirt.
When Loki exited the bathroom, he saw Mobius in similar pajamas as he fixed the blanket and pillows on the couch nearby.
Loki’s body felt cumbersome as he dragged himself to the bed and all but collapsed into the sheets. He felt the blankets being pulled up over his shoulders and Mobius saying something, but his eyes were already slipping closed and he fell into a heavy sleep.
You might want to take the stairs to your left.
A flash of Frigga, fighting against Kurse and then her anguished cry stabbed through the air and echoed, echoed, echoed…
Loki shot awake, panting heavily, his mind reeling. His mother’s cry was hammering into his ears and temples and he saw over and over how the sword pierced her. He gripped the sheets in terror and panted; his lungs felt constricted as if he was trying to breath through a straw.
It was all his fault. It was all his fault. It was all his fault.
“Loki, breathe.”
Loki could barely make out Mobius in the darkened room, but he felt hands on his shoulders, keeping him steady and upright.
“Just breathe, it’s okay.”
Loki struggled against his breath, and he squeezing the sheets as panic wracked his frame. He felt tense and anxious in every part of his body and his stomach felt hollow and sick. He wheezed unevenly, struggling to breathe.
Suddenly, Loki felt himself pulled into Mobius’s chest and he automatically leaned into Mobius’s warmth. Loki mewled as he fought against the panic, pressing against Mobius and gripping the hem of his T-shirt. The entire ordeal jarred Loki and left his nerves jangled, and all Loki could do was shudder and shiver against Mobius.
“Just breathe. In and out.” Mobius placed a hand on his own chest, exaggerating his own breathing so Loki could feel his deeper breaths as he pressed into Mobius’s chest.
Loki’s grip on Mobius’s shirt tightened, but he forced his breaths to slow, doing his best to match Mobius’s breaths with his own.
“That’s it, good,” Mobius encouraged. “It’s okay.”
Loki shivered, the panic leaving him in shuddering, full-body tremors. Between the tremors, he felt Mobius’s hand push away the sweaty curls on his forehead and neck. Loki whimpered at the touch and he could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. “I–I….” His voice cracked over the lump in his throat. “I–She..”
He needed to explain. He needed to make Mobius understand. He wasn't like this. He was stronger than this.
Mobius cupped Loki’s cheek and pressed his head against Loki’s forehead. “Shh,” he said slowly. “You don’t need to explain. You don’t need to say anything.” Mobius traced a half-circle on Loki’s temple with his thumb, holding him close. "Just breathe."
As his breathing evened, Loki found himself pulling closer to Mobius and eventually, they lay in the bed together, Loki cuddled comfortably against Mobius’s chest as Mobius rubbed Loki's back slowly. Loki could feel his body relax further against Mobius. “I–I’m glad you’re here,” Loki mumbled, sleep already coating his words. He felt Mobius run another hand softly through his hair.
Mobius hummed in agreement. “Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to hold you like this?” Mobius asked quietly.
Loki tiredly raised his head. “You want to hold me?”
Mobius snuggled Loki closer. “I have. Ever since that first night when you joined me for nighttime tea.” He paused and eyed Loki carefully. “You haven’t had nightmares in months.” His brow knitted together with worry. “I thought the tea would help.”
Loki didn’t say anything right away. He was acutely aware of how many nights he’d woken up in a cold sweat or half-sick with panic from the nightmares, but they had dissipated after joining Mobius with his routine.
The tea had been for him? For his nightmares? Had Mobius been looking out for him all this time?
“But you had it, too?” Loki asked curiously.
Mobius chuckled. “It doesn’t have an effect on me.” He looked down at Loki. “It’s always been for you.”
Loki found himself hiding into the sheets shyly. He kept his face in Mobius’s chest and yawned. “I thought it was you that kept the nightmares away,” Loki murmured. “And I was right.”
Mobius stroked Loki’s cheek. “I can’t imagine leaving your side tonight,” Mobius replied. He pulled Loki closer and smiled as Loki snuggled comfortably against him. His breathing was normal and he could tell that Loki had relaxed considerably. “Are you doing okay?”
Loki nodded silently against Mobius, sleep tugging at his eyes again. With Mobius's warmth against him, Loki found himself melting closer to him as he fell asleep. This time, sleep came smoothly and easily, and Loki dreamt of nights just like this, spent in Mobius’s arms and asleep against his chest.