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“Don’t even think about it, dork, or I’ll pound you into the ground.” Kevin grits out, holding Eddy up against Edd’s locker.
“What, me? Nah Kev, you got it all wrong. I wasn’t up to anything, I—uh—” Eddy tries, glancing at Edd who’s stuck in place behind Kevin’s shoulder.
“C—“ Edd tries, voice soft, “Correct. For once, Eddy is not up to his usual mischief. Please, Kevin, just put Eddy down. He’s innocent. Right, Eddy?” Edd hopes that he sounds convincing.
The bell rings overhead and Eddy’s feet hit the ground as Edd takes a relieved breath, their time is, thankfully, up. Kevin shoulders past Edd, giving Eddy one last shove on the way just to rattle him, and disappears around the corner.
“Thanks, sockhead. A real convincing speech to bail your best buddy out.” Eddy snarks, straightening his collar and readjusting his shirt into its place, the material wrinkled from Kevin’s tight grip.
“I wouldn’t have needed to come to your defense again if you hadn’t actually been up to mischief again, Eddy.” Edd sighs, the same conversation ringing in his ears from just a few days ago.
“Kevin will only tolerate so much before he’s shoving you against another locker, and I won’t—nay, don’t want to be in the line of fire anymore. I’m not taking another hit for you, Eddy.”
Eddy’s scowling, rolling his eyes and standing next to Edd with a greasy expression, “You’re so right, Double D, I’ve seen the error of my ways.”
Edd doesn’t believe it for a second.
“If you’re just going to lie to me, Eddy, at least do it well.” Edd walks off in the direction of class, releasing a breath as he walks in the door frame before the final bell, taking his usual seat in the front by the window.
It’s been years and Eddy still can’t get over his enjoyment of pushing Kevin’s buttons. They’re in high school for goodness sake, he thought Eddy would have grown out of the childhood teasing and into young adult rivalry. But Eddy doesn’t seem mature enough to make that transition yet; and while Kevin is on the cusp of that, he can still be his younger self with the right motivation. Eddy gives that motivation ten fold, in the worst way possible.
Edd has taken this class already, the guidance counselors running out of challenging math and science material for him, so he takes his time and stares out the window once he’s sure he won't be missing new material if there happens to be any.
His pen moves idly around the paper as Edd doodles in thought, decompressing his thoughts. They stray to Ed; how, if possible, Edd can help him make it through high school. To Eddy; what to suggest as an alternative to harassing Kevin on a daily basis and dragging him into it. And then to Kevin; how Edd hates that he can’t just be the bigger man and ignore Eddy, how Edd is more afraid of him now than in their youth, Kevin finally growing into himself. To how Edd feels powerless.
Edd grumbles to himself, putting his arms on the desk and resting his chin in the middle, still drawing when he realizes the doodles have turned into words.
Eddy Kevin
Dorks
Double Dweeb
I’ll pound ya
“Hmm,” Edd muses quietly, circling the last few words, remembering something he learned a few years back.
“Flip the narrative,” He whispers, contemplative, “It could work. But how to approach it—“
Edd brainstorms solutions for the rest of class, coming up with verbal flips as well as physical ones, but only trying them would tell if it could or would work, or if it will end in disaster.
—
Edd doesn’t have to wait long, apparently. Because on the following morning Eddy is running up behind him, biting his tongue in laughter, and Kevin is storming down the hall at a brisk walk after him. Of course Eddy hides behind him, Kevin is always more reluctant to hit Edd than Eddy.
“Out of the way Double Dweeb.” Kevin folds his arms in front of his chest in an intimidating gesture, Edd swallows the lump of fear in his throat. It’s now or never.
“I won’t let you resort to physical violence, you’re better than that.” Edd flushes a bit, then gestures to Eddy behind him as well, “You’re both better than that.”
Kevin looks taken aback for a moment, Edd usually steps aside to let Eddy get what is coming to him, poetic justice, but Kevin’s expression schools when Eddy decides to blow it for them.
“Wanna buy him some flowers too, sockhead?”
Edd glares over his shoulder, and at least Eddy is decent enough to look cowed, but when Edd looks at Kevin again he looks more infuriated than before.
“Not gonna ask again,” Kevin takes an intimidating step into Edd’s space, but he remains in place, looking a few inches up to meet Kevin’s eyes. Eddy’s back to his for protection.
“Out of the way or I’ll pound ya, don’t make me do it dweeb.”
Edd’s brainstorm comes to the front of his focus, but everything is a blur behind his eyes, unable to remember anything he wrote under the pressure of the situation. So Edd does what his therapist is always telling him to do, go with his gut and not think so much.
Edd takes a small step forward into Kevin’s space, dislodging Eddy from behind him who slumps down to the floor, support gone, and tilts his chin up in a confident gesture that he doesn’t feel.
“I bet you’d like that.” Edd says quietly, smirking with bluffed confidence, and leans in when Kevin slumps, disarmed.
“You’re always suggesting it, but never seem to follow through. Shame.”
Edd removes himself from Kevin’s space, kicking Eddy with his heel until he stands from the floor and takes off, sensing the situation being disarmed without him needed.
“Maybe next time,” Edd starts again, putting a hand on his hip, “Use an insult, not a promise.” Edd winks and walks off, winks —holy…and turns the corner of the hall on wobbly legs.
“Nice one, sockhead.” Eddy says when he pops his head out of the classroom, tugging Edd inside by his backpack as he tries to gather his composure.
Kevin is going to make his life miserable.
—
But nothing changes.
If anything, Eddy comes to Edd more because of his new ability to sometimes diffuse the situation. And for Kevin’s credit, he hasn’t said anything to Edd about what happened during that argument. Edd wonders if Kevin even understood the innuendo, maybe that’s why the reaction was so mild, but Edd can’t be sure. So many thoughts and emotions in flux.
It all occurs again a week or so later.
Eddy is running up behind Edd, covered in flour from culinary class with dough and mess hanging from his fingers.
“Run, Double D!” Eddy squawks, rushing past Edd and shifting him by the shoulders so he’s now blocking Kevin’s path.
“'Outa the way, Edd!” Kevin, for what it’s worth, is absolutely covered in a mess that Eddy probably made, and he looks mad, but not as mad as he could be. Small miracles.
“Wait, Kevin, don’t!” Edd says, putting his arms up and out, other students walking along the side of the halls helping his makeshift barricade.
Kevin huffs an annoyed sound, “Move it, dork or I’ll pound ya!” Kevin’s eyes widen when he says it, a Pavlovian reaction, knowing Edd will flip his words.
“So you keep saying, Kevin.” Edd doesn’t disappoint, taking a step into Kevin’s space and putting a hand on Kevin’s chest in a soft, personal gesture. Edd feels instantly bad for being in Kevin’s space like this, but if he lets the ruse die now, it’s back to Eddy getting black eyes. Worse, he himself getting them in place of Eddy. So he presses on.
“I’m not sure if you even understand the innuendo, perhaps that’s why you keep using it, but it’s getting dull. Maybe try, ‘I’ll pound you into the ground’ or ‘I’ll pound you into next week’ —“ Edd stretches up a bit as Kevin takes an aborted step back, face pink, “Or, my personal favorite ‘I’ll pound you so hard you can’t walk straight tomorrow’ any of those are better. Try some variation.”
Edd steps back then, turning his back to Kevin in a foolhardy gesture, praying silently that he doesn’t get hit from behind. But nothing happens, Kevin is still standing in place when Edd rounds the corner and leans against the brick wall, chest heaving and heart pounding with anxiety. “I can’t believe it’s working.” Edd murmurs to himself, taking one more peek around the corner, Kevin now gone, before heading to his next class. At this rate, Eddy may lose interest. Or so Edd hopes.
—
Blissful weeks of Eddy keeping to himself and Kevin staying away from them abruptly comes to a screeching halt on a random Friday. It’s the final bell, everyone piling out of classrooms to escape for the weekend, and Eddy’s laughter is piercing over the cacophony of noise. Edd takes a moment to steel himself before turning in the direction of the sound.
Eddy is in full sprint down the hall with something in his hand, Kevin hot on his heels with, good lord, half his shirt literally ripped off him. For a moment Edd thinks he should hide in his locker and let Eddy take a beating for this one, he absolutely deserves it. But Edd knows that, if he reneges now, the ploy will never work again. So he stands his ground, Eddy coming up behind him and drops the half-shirt on Edd’s shoulder, Kevin faltering in his pursuit as his eyes land on Edd. But he seems determined this time, storming up to Edd and directly into his personal space. It’s intimidating, and Edd uses every ounce of courage he has to not wince.
“Out of the way Edd.” Kevin says, seeming to pick his words carefully, thoughtful.
“I’m sorry Kevin, I won’t move, no matter what Eddy’s done there needs to be another way to solve this aside from violence. School board, tell a teacher, tell parents, anything else. But I won’t let you resort to violence.” It comes out much steadier than Edd expected, he’s been getting a lot of practice performing in stressful situations.
Kevin wars within himself, hands tugging at his hair in frustration, Edd’s eyes flit to his biceps as they flex, lingering there a moment too long. It’s his downfall. Because as dense as Kevin can be, he’s no fool.
“You know what,” Kevin says, suddenly collected and cocky, “Eddy can go, but you stay. We’re not done here.”
Eddy shouts a victory noise behind Edd, “Ha! See ya later sockhead, thanks for taking one for the team!” He’s gone before Edd can protest. The halls are empty now, just Edd and Kevin facing one another among the fluorescent lights and shiny floors. Edd feels his mistake in his gut before his brain can process it; Kevin tugs the rest of his shirt off and drops it to the floor, taking a few steps until he’s in Edd’s space and then backing him up against his locker, strong arms bracketing him there.
“If you’re going to pound me just get it over with,” Edd snipes with closed eyes, furious with Eddy for putting him in the situation to start, “I’m quite finished with this, I’m sneaking laxatives in Eddy’s soda tonight, I’m so fucking done being his scapegoat.”
Kevin chuckles and then falters at the expletive, going silent, leans back and out of Edd’s space enough that he feels like he can breathe again.
“Huh,” Kevin starts, voice calm, “Never knew you cursed, Edd.”
Edd opens his eyes a crack, really taking in the situation for the first time. Eddy somehow destroyed Kevin’s shirt, and if the gaping rip at the knees of Kevin’s sweats are any indication, Eddy didn’t just do that. Kevin has a cut on his chest, shallow like a paper cut, but bleeding like it’s new. And Kevin’s face, despite the altercation, is calm.
“I—I’m sorry for whatever Eddy did, if it’s any consolation. I know it doesn’t make what he did right.”
Kevin makes a noncommittal noise, coming back into Edd’s space, “Eddy will always be a piece of shit, I want to know why you’ve been putting yourself between us. You know he deserves his lumps.”
“He’s not—“ Edd tries, Kevin’s brow lifting in wry amusement, “Alright, fine. Yes, Eddy can be a lot at times, no one knows this better than I. But that doesn’t mean he deserves to be pounded, as you so eloquently put it time and time again.”
Kevin smirks, and Edd knows he just stepped on a landmine.
“Speaking of,” Kevin begins, and Edd cuts him off, trying to diffuse before this can escalate.
“It’s not wh—“
“No, Edd. Let me speak.”
It’s such a simple request, nothing like Edd is expecting him to say, so he quiets. In return Kevin gives him a little more space, arms no longer bracket his head but instead settle gently on either side of his torso, more of a cradle than anything aggressive.
“I—had originally planned a comeback the next time you made a smart ass comment about that. But it doesn’t feel right. Fuck, nothing feels right with you anymore.”
Edd is flabbergasted, still and silent as Kevin continues to speak.
“You made me realize more than a few things. Fuck, I had to talk to Nazz about more than one of them.”
“Kevin—“ Edd whispers, feeling suddenly horrible about the situation he put Kevin in this whole time. He hates this, doing the wrong thing, the real wrong thing, for the first time. Turning into everything he hates with the flimsy excuse of protecting Eddy.
“Let me finish,” Kevin says again, gentle and close. “I realized that I was still acting and talking like a kid, and I want to change that. But I can’t—“ Kevin trails off, making a frustrated sound and ripping himself away from Edd and slamming a fist into a locker a few steps away, Edd still startling.
Kevin cools for a moment, then comes back to Edd, standing in front of him with arms folded in a protective gesture in front of his chest, looking away.
“I can’t do it alone. Eddy keeps amping up his fucking stunts, I mean come on, look at me!” Kevin gestures to himself and the tarnished shirt on the floor. “I guess, what I really mean is, I need your help, Edd.”
Edd flounders, unsure what to say, “What can I possibly do to help?”
“You always know what to do, Edd, the past few weeks have proved it. You got under my skin real good, I need your help with alternatives. Because Eddy has it fucking coming, but not from my fists, not anymore.”
“Kevin. I’m so sorry for everything, of course I can help, anything you need.” Edd feels awful, but looks at Kevin with new eyes, more of a young man than he’s ever appeared to be before. And Edd feels his heart flutter in his chest with something more, with a profound realization.
“Anything I need huh?” Kevin quips, tone changing, coming into Edd’s space again and walking him back to the lockers. It’s still getting old.
“Within reason, Kevin.” Edd deadpans through the lump in his throat.
“How about we talk about that laxative plan over a date on Saturday?” Kevin sounds so casual about it that Edd almost misses it, doing an actual double take when Kevin begins to laugh.
“Is this revenge for the ‘pound me’ thing? Because it’s not funny, Kevin. You don’t—“
Kevin leans in and places a kiss on Edd’s cheek, a cocky grin on his face as he pulls back. Edd feels like he stepped in an oven, face and chest so hot that he feels like he may pass out.
“Not revenge. Call it finding equilibrium.”
“You’ve been studying for the SAT’s?” Edd says dumbly, and Kevin just shakes his head with a chuckle.
“Saturday, Edd. Meet me in my driveway, we’ll walk somewhere and get coffee and figure out how to handle Eddy. Together, ok? So no one needs to get pounded unless they ask for it.”
With that final absolutely insane statement Kevin walks away on a wink, Edd still shaking against the locker and trying to figure out what just happened.
“Well,” Edd says aloud, trying to rationalize, “I guess we’ll have a lot to talk about…”