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Diluc was a busy man, he had many things to do and little time for rest. So he moved through life like a blur, working non-stop; for how long he lived he would fulfill his role, let it be tending the Winery like his father and his father before him or protecting Mondstadt, not as a knight of Favonius like his father had hoped but from the shadows. Either way, he was protecting the place.
Crepus Ragnvindr… his father, would be proud of who his son turned out to be, the man would nod approvingly and send a smile to him. For the man would be thrilled to know that his son was still carefully caring for everything that he loved.
His son was a good man and Diluc would feel warm. Not like how he constantly feels as a consequence of possessing a pyro vision; no, he was talking about the one that children felt when they went to bed after a long day, their parents tucking them with tenderness and whispering “I love you’s” and “Sleep well” before walking away but never truly leaving. A warmth of safety, of home… of being loved, one that would make him feel alive and complete like he once was.
Yet that wasn’t and it wouldn’t be real, it couldn’t. Not only because his father was no longer walking with the living but also due to the fact that Diluc, his first son, was nothing but a disappointment.
He failed to protect the man from a threat, causing his death. Afterward, he gravely wounded his little brother⎼no, Sir Kaeya Alberich who he had no longer the right to call his family, just to disappear the next day from the face of Mondstadt to travel across Teyvat for four long years to avenge his father.
Yet his father didn’t need that, his father would have wanted him to fulfill his duties as the heir of the Ragnvindr clan and as an older brother, but Diluc failed.
Diluc Ragnvindr hated liars.
So he lied to himself every day, constantly, pretending that his father would understand. That he wouldn’t be disappointed.
He knew liars. He knew them well. Unmasking and unraveling their lies was easy, so Diluc knew better.
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Waking up from a nightmare in the morning had become part of his routine even before returning to Mondstadt, but he let it be. Just like he did with anything that had to do with him that wasn’t connected with work.
A bad move? Trait? Practice?
Maybe, but he didn’t care. He couldn't bring himself to do so. Not after the sins he had committed, the damage…
“Good morning, Master Diluc” Adelinde greeted him once he made his way downstairs—he didn’t even realize he put himself together and exited his room in the first place.
“Good morning, Adelinde,” he replied, taking a seat at the table where his breakfast was waiting for him.
Like every morning, he didn’t feel any type of hunger but even, so he forced himself to consume the delicacies before him. Not only did he want to avoid upsetting and alerting his head maid, he also required food for his body to function through the day.
“I will tend my paperwork now, Adelinde” he informed as he raised from the seat once he had cleared the plate from its contents “Don’t worry about refreshments or dinner. I will take care of those before my shift at the bar”
She wasn’t happy about that; he knew it. It was obvious, Diluc knew that even though Adelinde was young she saw him as his own just like she saw Kaeya, after all, she had been looking after them since a young age. Any mother would be sad and worried if their children weren’t looking after themselves and even though the young master of the Dawn Winery didn’t meet his birth mother he had always had Adelinde by his side.
After all, Diluc knew many things, some of which he wished he didn’t.
He didn’t know how but it was almost time for his shift at the bar. Had time passed so quickly while he was immersed in his work? It wasn’t the first time, and it surely wouldn’t be the last, yet he still couldn’t help but feel some type of surprise and incredulity whenever it occurred.
“Will you be leaving now, Master Diluc?” Adelinde approached him once he made his way downstairs after placing his remaining paperwork to the side—he would probably finish it once he returned from the city after making sure there weren’t any imminent threats lurking in the shadows.
“Yes” he said while making sure he didn’t forget anything “You can retire early today, Adelinde” he looked at her once he made sure that everything he needed was with him “You didn’t take last weekdays off, you know you don’t have to work yourself like this”
A part of him was screaming, saying he was full of hypocrisy—maybe he was—while the other firmly stated, leaving no room for rebuttals, that it wasn’t the same. That he deserved this, he deserved everything that occurred to him, that-
“I-” she sighed a little, maybe realizing that Diluc wouldn’t change his mind “Very well, Master Diluc, I will do that. However,” her gaze found him, and she held it firmly “Once you return from your shift you have to eat. I will leave food ready, it will only need to be reheated to consume it”
“Thank you, Adelinde”
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He made it to Mondstadt faster than he would have liked. His head was still in turmoil but then again, another thing that wasn’t out of what he called his ‘normal day-to-day stuff’.
“Good evening, Master Diluc” Charles greeted him once he set foot in the tavern. There were many drunkards who were already stumbling with their words, again, nothing out of the ordinary.
“Good evening, Charles, I will take it from here. You can retire for the day”
After hearing a “thank you” and “take care, sir, good night” from Charles the man exited the tavern while Diluc walked behind the bar to prepare the station the way he liked.
“Not all bartenders work well with various setups,” his father had told him once as he worked around the bar, teaching him, “It took me some time, trying around various setups before I stumble across the one that worked the best for me”
“How long do you think it will take me to find one that works for me the way yours works for you, father?” he had asked at that time as he carefully followed his father’s movements.
“I can’t say for sure, my son, no one can. However, you can take all the time that you need. No need to rush”
Diluc did find a setup that worked for him, and he showed it to his father. He doesn’t use it any longer instead he worked to get into a comfortable working rhythm with another setup. One that he had seen while growing up.
His father's one.
“Master Diluc, what a rarity to find you here” Kaeya said from the barstool. If it weren’t for the fact that Diluc was conscious that there were people around him—and from sheer raw control over himself to avoid ruining the image of the Ragnvindr—he would have jumped, shaken up by the bluenette’s presence.
He had been so immersed in the memories of the past that he had completely overlooked the presence of the Cavalry Captain.
The world needs to keep reminding you how much of a disappointment you are.
You can't run away forever.
“Sir, Kaeya” he replied, showing no emotion in his face or words. He didn’t want Kaeya to read him more than he already did.
Kaeya was too kind, if Diluc showed a hint of vulnerability, the man would approach him for answers and, of course, to help. He didn’t deserve any of it.
He didn’t deserve any sympathy, especially from Kaeya. The burn marks on his skin were more than enough proof for that statement.
Yes, you don't.
You don't deserve good things.
“Ah, Master Diluc, curt as always,” the man smirked.
It's fake.
Kaeya wasn’t like that. You did that to Kaeya and forced him to wear a mask around others. You always ruin things.
“-luc, Diluc” Kaeya called him, and Diluc finally snapped out of his mind.
“What?” a grunt escaped his lips while his gaze fixed on the man—because he had been spacing out while looking at the cup in his hand.
“You were spacing out” Kaeya replied as he looked at him “Are you resting as you should, Master Diluc? We don’t want the dear owner of Dawn Winery to pass out, don’t we?”
“That’s none of your business, Sir Kaeya”
“Ah, I guess you are right. However, as a knight of Favonius it is my duty to look after the citizens of Mondstadt, Master Diluc” he grabbed the Death After Noon that was placed in front of him “And, despite everything, you go into the ‘citizens’ category”
Another grunt escaped from Diluc’s lip yet this time he opted to ignore the other. He knew Kaeya was trying to rile him up to find out what was wrong with him.
Diluc wasn’t going to indulge him.
You are afraid
He moved around the bar, preparing drink after drink.
Afraid of what he will do and say
Mix this, shake that, carefully…
A coward, you are a coward Diluc Ragnvindr
“I’m not” he addressed the voices… a mistake. He always ended up making the same mistake. He was weak, after all.
You are; you couldn’t even protect him
Pathetic
“Shut up” he served another drink before grabbing a cup to clean.
A pathetic coward, a pathetic liar
Diluc, you don’t deserve to be a Ragnvindr
“T-that’s not true”
Ah, but I’m right, aren’t I?
You know I am, but you say otherwise
Like the liar you are
“I’m not a liar”
You even burned your little brother for lying, you always burn liars
Yet you are the biggest liar
Your body holds the proof
Your father would be so disappointed
“He wouldn’t…”
Diluc, Diluc, Diluc
Why did you come back?
Why?
“Mas- Di-”
WHY?
“-ter -luc”
WHY?
“Diluc”
“SHUT UP!” he screamed.
“Hey, Diluc, is all right” someone said with a soft tone “Can you lower your hands? It's fine now, I promise”
His hands?
Diluc looked around him, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. Kaeya was in front of him, looking pretty concerned—why was he concerned? He also noticed that the bar was empty, which was weird, it was pretty early, and Diluc doubted that the drunkards of Mondstadt would see themselves out before someone threw them out of the tavern, far away from the alcohol.
“Kaeya-why? Where’s everyone?” he asked, his throat was dry… he had screamed, didn’t he? Ah, yes… Maybe it was due to that.
“I told them that the tavern was closing due to an emergency,” he replied “Can I come closer?”
Diluc nodded, he was still out of it but not like before.
Kaeya approached him carefully while making sure that his hands were visible.
“An emergen-” he started coughing, placing his hand to his throat.
“Here, drink this” he whispered, extending the cup of water to Diluc, who grabbed it and chucked the content into his mouth without second thoughts. He was thirsty.
“Thank you” was barely a whisper, but Kaeya heard him “What was the emergency?”
“You” the bluenette responded to the winery owner's surprise “Diluc… you were shaking and looking paler than usual. You were even muttering things under your breath and... the scream”
He was worried, Kaeya was worried.
He shouldn’t be.
Kaeya shouldn't be worried about the likes of you,
“No” he said quickly, blinking fast “I’m fine, I’m perfectly fine. This is none of your concern” he said, yet it was mostly to himself rather than Kaeya.
“Diluc-”
“You can go, Sir Kaeya”
Diluc was trying his best to hold his tears. He could barely but surely hear the soft echoes of the voices. He feared that he would succumb to their howls once again and if that were to occur while Kaeya was present the man wouldn’t leave his side.
“No,” Kaeya said with a serious tone, taking Diluc by surprise “I won’t go. You hate me, I get it, but I won’t leave you alone when you are like this”
“This is none of your business, Sir Kaeya” Diluc tried again, he needed Kaeya to leave. Now. He felt like the air was leaving him.
Was he shaking again?
Again?
“Yes! I know it is none of my business. I know you don’t want me in your life, but I know that if I leave you alone, whatever occurred ago will occur again. I’m not blind, Di-”
Kaeya stopped talking.
“Why did he stop talking?”
Oh.
Oh.
Diluc was crying.
“Diluc, shit, sorry, I-did I make you cry?” Kaeya asked, he was as worried and scared as he sounded “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to explode like that when you are like this, but I-I’m just… worried about you”
“No” he whispered, tears still falling from his eyes “You-why? Why are you worried about me ? I hurt you so, so, much. Why don’t you hate me? Y-you should hate me!” he was practically sobbing at this point.
“I can’t” Kaeya whispered. It sounded raw and wet… he was crying “I can’t hate you when I ruined your life, Diluc. That night, I-I was expecting your reaction… I told you that because I wanted that reaction. I wanted you to-”
“NO!” Diluc breathing was labored, the consequences of not resting and relaxing after what he went through “Don’t you dare to say that! And even if it’s true, that doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you ”
If it were another ordinary day, Diluc would have shut up and walked away. Like a coward, yes, like someone who didn’t deserve any mercy for their actions. But this wasn’t an ordinary day, and the man’s walls were already crumbling around him. He was tired of everything, of being alone, of holding up to everyone's expectations, of pretending that everything was fine… of pretending that he didn’t miss his little brother.
Diluc was tired, so he acted as a tired man would.
With little regard for the consequences of his actions.
“No brother would do what I did. No sibling would act that way, no matter what was shared. I failed you, Kaeya. I failed you like a friend and a brother and yet,” he banged the floor with his fist, stumbling a little “You keep coming back, no matter what I say or do. You’re always back. I don’t deserve this, I don’t-”
“But you do, Diluc” Kaeya grabbed his hands and cradled them, he was also shaking but he kept visual contact with his brother “You do deserve this, Diluc. What you didn’t deserve was suffering. I shouldn’t have told you something like that after Crepus's death-”
“Father” Diluc voiced out in a sob “He’s father to you”
“F-father” Kaeya said, words almost failing him. He probably hadn’t addressed Crepus as ‘father’ in a long time “After father's death” he whispered putting more pressure on Diluc’s hands yet for the looks of it Kaeya wasn’t even aware of that.
“Yes… you shouldn’t have said that at such a moment, but… Kaeya, you were hurting too. You are still hurting”
“I don’t blame you, Luc” the words were left in a hurry, yet they sounded so soft. Like a secret that had always wanted to grace the light but couldn’t due to fear of being burned “I never did”
“I-I stop blaming you ages ago” Diluc admitted “You were just a child and you were hurting. You were so scared… I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, Kaeya. I’m such a bad brother”
Kaeya finally crashed into Diluc’s chest, hugging him tightly as he freely sobbed.
“You aren’t a bad brother, and I’m also sorry. I’m sorry, Luc”
They had more things to address. More things to unveil and lay in front of each other but they would get there. They knew they would.
After all, even though they had their fallout, they never stopped being brothers.
That was a truth that no one could deny, especially a tired man.