Work Text:
It was really bad today. Everything felt like it came crashing down. Like when you pile up shit in a closet and one day when you go to open it you realize you overstuffed it and it crushes you. Needless to say, shoving a shit ton of trauma into a closet doesn’t tend to end well.
He sat on his bed, mind an endless void of screeching darkness. His eyelids were heavy with emotion but closing them didn’t do anything.
The world was against him.
He found his nails digging into his hand, the pain shot through him like cold water on a hot day, it was refreshing, it was welcome.
He hadn’t even noticed when the sticky red started leaking until his hands shook so much he couldn’t hold them still.
He reached for his bandana, the colors searing into his eyes. What a hideous color.
He wanted to put it in a shredder. He wanted to gouge out his eyes. He wanted to be gone.
A face man.
What is a face man?
Its someone who’s to useless to be anything else.
Its someone who’s so goddamn annoying that if they stopped being that, they’d be nothing.
Its someone who isn’t needed.
He curled in on himself, biting his tongue so hard he started bleeding from there as-well. It took all his remaining strength not to scream. What would his brothers think? This was pathetic. Face men don’t cry.
Face men can’t cry.
If the face man cries then the world knows just how weak they really are.
Pathetic. He was pathetic.
Tears flowed over his face, covering him in a bloody, wet, mess. He really wanted to disappear.
The thought was so so appealing. Oh how he wanted to disappear. He wished he was never born at all. He wished they left him in the prison dimension. At least then their last memory of him would be a good one.
Selfish. How selfish. How could he think like that? How could he wish that upon his innocent brothers?
He found the word useless repeating over and over, the word filling his very being. Maybe at some point it stopped being in his head.
He cried, he clawed, he wailed. He was nothing.
He was nothing he was nothing he was nothing “I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing”
His voice cracked, throat growing increasingly dry as he cried out the same phrase that had been circling his mind for years.
He felt a pair of strong hands grab his hands, pulling them away from what he assumed would he a bloody mess of scratches.
He shrieked, it came out a strangled cry. His mind flashed to the slimy tendrils of the Krang, the vines entangling his body and draining his strength.
His breath quickened and he began thrashing around, trying to hit his invisible opponent. Screaming begs of forgiveness and mercy.
The hands quickly let go of his hands. He heard faint talking, the beating of his fragile heart drowning out any sound.
It took a moment before he registered the voice of Raphael.
“L- L-o” The words slowly formed “Leo!”
Right Leo. He was Leo.
“Y-r okay! Your safe I pr-mise!”
Safe.
Safe. He slowly stopped kicking and lowered his arms from blocking his face. Instead, opting to wrap them protectively around himself.
“whatever your seeing, it isn’t real. Its not real okay? Your safe.”
Its not real.
He blinked a few times, the world forming one blotch of color at a time.
He was in the center of his room, he didn’t remember standing up, Raph was standing in front of him with his hands up.
Leo locked eyes with him before promptly collapsing on the floor and sobbing.
“I’m sorry” he whispered. “I’m so sorry”
Raph looked like he was about to throw up, tears already dripping down his face as-well.
“Oh buddy….”
Leo crawled over and buried his face in the older turtles chest. He felt the strong arms surround him. It was so comforting he wanted to cry all over again.
“You should have left me” he choked out.
“Left you? What do you mean..” Raphael wasn’t sure he wanted the answer.
“With the Krang.”
His grip around the fragile slider tightened. “No no…never. Never Leo.”
“It would be easier for everyone”
Raph adjusted him slightly so they could see eye to eye. “The minute I thought I lost you was the worst minute I’d ever experienced, I can’t imagine what it would be like to live the rest of my life like that. It doesn’t matter how many times you want to cry, or run away, or” he let out a shaky breath “or die. Just having you here makes it all worth it.”
Leo searched his gaze for a moment before making a strangled noise and holding on tighter.
Raph wrapped his arms around him again. Feeling the shaking slow.
His own legs and fingers were turning pink, and he realized Leo needed to be patched up again.
“I’m gonna be right back buddy, I promise. I need to get a few things.”
“Don’t.”
“
Leo
-“
“Don’t leave” his voice was so small. Raph felt like they were kids again.
He sighed, “Okay.”
He pressed a small button attached to his wristwatch. Donnie had given all of them special tracking equipment just in case somebody was in danger again.
He felt bad for scaring Donnie with a false alarm but standing up was out of the question and he really needed to get Leo some bandages.
Before Donnie could kick the door down, Raph reached an arm out and carefully opened it.
“Water and bandages.” He mouthed.
Donnie put a hand over his chest, letting out a sigh of relief. He looked down at Raphs lap and Raph watched his face fall.
With a newfound urgency Donnie raced off again.
Leo broke the silence with a loud yawn. His demeanor changed from holding on for dear life to curling up for bed. It really was like when they were little.
Donnie reappeared in the doorway, he was holding a first aid kit while one of his robotic arms held a glass of water. Mikey was with him.
Leo rolled over and looked at them. “Look at that! Whole gang is here!” His voice sounded dreadful, it was apparent to everyone that he would loose his voice soon.
“Whats the occasion, we having a party? OOMPH-“ he was cut off by a tight hug from Donnie.
Leo didn’t have to energy to hug back, instead he just rested his damp face on his brothers shoulder and smiled.
Mikey was already applying a wide variety of colorful bandaids, cleaning away the blood first with a damp rag.
“I brought you water, and after hearing your voice I think I should’ve brought tea instead…I’ll get that for you in just a minute. Drink this water first.” Donnie started ranting and Leo just tuned him out. It was getting a lot harder to keep his eyes open.
He felt two soft taps on his knee, jolting him back to consciousness. Raph held the cup in front of him and helped the drowsy teen take a few sips.
The other three shared a look before nodding and moving the whole operation over to Leos bed.
Raph sat against the wall, Leo curled up besides him. Mikey wrapped his arms around Leo, fingertips reaching Raph. Donnie flicked the lights off, set the cup and first aid kit aside, pulled the blankets up and rested his head on Leos knee, tucking them all in.
“ I love you guys” Leo rasped.
“Love you too”