Work Text:
"Charlie, I don't understand..."
"What about 'I wrote a love letter to Todd from you' do you not understand? It's a simple concept, Neil." Charlie sighed and looked at his friend in exasperation.
"Look," Charlie amended. "I got sick of you two dancing around each other! You're already sleeping in the same room so why not go the extra mile and actually sleep in the same bed?" Charlie finished with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows and Neil nearly fell over in embarrassment.
"You're unbelievable! I swear I'm going to kill you." Neil began to pace the hallway and ran his fingers through his hair ruining the order it had been in for most of the day.
"Look it's just teasing Neil. If it's an issue just tell him I wrote the damn thing and move on."
Neil wanted to strangle Charlie, though that feeling in general wasn't new; Charlie did enough to warrant being strangled on an hourly basis. But this time Neil really felt the need to see the other child turn blue from a lack of inhalation.
The problem wasn't that he didn't like Todd, far from that. Poor Neil had been head over heels since the first meeting of the reconvened Dead Poets Society all those weeks ago, but there was no way for him to quantify his feelings for his roommate. Maybe it was like Charlie said and he truly loved Todd Anderson, but he didn't want to tell the boy and have it turn out to be something else, something less.
Todd deserved better than that.
"Dammit, Charlie, where did you put it? Maybe he hasn't read it yet," Neil hoped aloud.
In that moment Todd shuffled past in the hall not stopping to look at Charlie, or Neil. On his way through he almost knocked Spaz from his feet and sent the poor boy into a coughing fit. Todd’s face was bright red and it was clear that his eyes were brimming with tears and more so than before, Neil wanted to make Charlie turn a complimentary shade of blue.
"I’m pretty sure he read it Neil..."
"No shit, slick!"
A horrible sense of dread seized Neil's heart at the thought of Todd crying alone in their room, so without further discourse, he left Charlie in the hall and followed after Todd, running to catch up.
Students struggled to get out of the way as Neil dashed through the hall. He ran past several familiar faces including most of the boys from the society and even Meeks went so far as to call out and ask him where the fire was.
"No time Meeks, tell ya later!"
At the entrance to their shared room, Neil froze. What was he supposed to say? Should he apologize first, blame Charlie going in? Or should he let Todd dictate the course of their inevitable conversation?
"I am so dead," he whispered to himself and pushed the door open.
Todd sat on his bed with his legs tucked against his chest. His head was ducked in the small gap between his knees, so Neil couldn't see his face but his quivering back told Neil enough. Todd was crying, and Neil had no clue what to do.
"Go away, Neil," Todd sobbed out between hiccups and sniffles.
Neil's heart sank. Seeing his friend so distraught nearly sent him into fits.
He inched closer.
"I said, go away!" But Neil drew closer until he was just in front of Todd. He lowered himself to the floor and knelt before his roommate.
"Todd..."
"Why would you do something like that? To write me a letter like that was bad enough but to write it in my journal? My journal! Have you lost your damn mind!?"
"Your journal...?" Neil couldn't believe it. Charlie had nicked Todd's journal, probably during their study session last night, and wrote in it, and even worse than that he had done so in Neil's name. That son of a bitch.
"Yes my journal Neil the one that I use for Mr. Keating's class! We were going over the essay due next week so I had him look at my draft and he started reading that letter. Dammit, Neil that was embarrassing and I couldn't explain myself I just sat there looking stupid! Why would you do that to me?"
Neil's mouth opened and closed in aborted attempts to reply, but he had nothing to say. What was he supposed to say? Well at this point he'd say anything to get Todd to stop glaring at him.
"I-I'm sorry, Todd, I-I didn’t, it wasn't-
"Wasn't what, Neil?" Todd cut in. "Wasn't true? I figured that much, I just don't understand why this is a joke to you! I didn't think you of all people would say you love someone as a damn joke!"
Neil bolted to his feet.
"It's not a joke, Todd! I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for weeks now and we sleep in the same room! Do you know how hard it is to keep my mouth shut day in and day out? To not tell you how much I want to be with you? Beyond just talking and being friends, I mean. It's infuriating! I can't tell left from right when I'm with you and I can barely keep my thoughts together and when you smile my heart just, I don't know what it does but it can't be healthy, and I'm rambling and I know it, but dammit Todd it's not a joke, I'm not teasing you! Everything you do just puts me on edge and I can't pretend like I don't love you anymore!"
Neil deflated for a bit calming down from his outburst. He hadn't meant to become so verbal but at least there was no doubt in his mind. He loved Todd.
"Y-you, you c-could have just told me that, Neil," Todd whispered blushing furiously.
"Todd I couldn't even write you a love letter how was I supposed to just tell you?"
"What do you mean you couldn't..?"
"Charlie wrote the letter because he said, and I'm quoting, he was 'tired of us dancing around each other.'"
Todd sat for a moment, his brow knitting in confusion and all the while Neil watched as a run of emotions passed across his counterpart's face.
"You didn't write the letter," Todd began slowly, letting his legs fall from his chest and back onto the bed. Neil, still standing in front of him on the floor, nodded slowly with his head hung and coupled with a slight flush on his cheeks.
"But you actually do...love me?"
"More than I could ever put into only one stupid letter," Neil said smiling at Todd.
There was a beat of silence before Todd spoke up again.
"I…I love you too, Neil."
The two boys kept looking at each other for a moment before Neil sat down next to Todd on his bed.
"Now what do we do?" he asked looking at Todd for help.
A wicked grin spread across Todd's face.
"We find Charlie, thank him, and then kill him."
Barking laughter filled the room and Neil knew that he and Todd would be together and he couldn’t be happier. He would have to thank Charlie at some point though but he figured he could leave that for another time.
He reached for Todd’s hand and threaded their fingers together on top of the blanket beneath them.
I love Todd Anderson, he thought to himself, rubbing his thumb across the top of the other boy’s hand. As he looked back over to Todd a small grin spread across his face that mirrored the one appearing on Todd’s.
And he loves me.