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Mismatched eyes spring open, and she gasps, clutching the sheets as knots twist her stomach and brown fur bristles. As she realizes that she’s no longer on Prime’s ship and there’s no viscous red liquid covering her hands, she turns her gaze to the blonde next to her. Adora’s never slept peacefully, and tonight is no exception. For now, Catra is almost grateful for the tossing and turning - it’s confirmation that Adora is still alive, next to her, still breathing.
Getting to breathe in her comforting smell every night and cuddle close to her just like they used to do when they were kids keeps the nightmares mostly at bay - mostly. It’s been a blissful contrast from when they were cadets and later rivals and eye contact would last a bit too long, eyes would trail down to lips, and both of them, unbeknownst to the other, would be unsure whether they wanted to throw another punch or pull the other close and kiss all the breath from their lips. No longer does Catra have to think ‘I wish I could do that’ - sometimes she and Adora both have that moment before excitedly realizing ‘Wait, I can do that’ and indulging in the intimacy, making up for years of lost time.
But now, the bliss isn’t here, replaced by a soul-crushing guilt. The dreamscape took her through all her battles with Adora - Princess Prom, the Northern Reach, the Crimson Waste, the portal, Prime’s ship. And she’d killed her - blood ran over her hands and no matter what she did, the stain wouldn’t wash out. The weight of Adora’s body in her arms, the wetness of tears on her face, the gut-stabbing glare on her face before he eyes rolled back into her head flash in her mind.
She looks over again, and Adora isn’t dead - her body faces the window away from Catra, and the moon illuminates her features. The princess has stopped tossing and turning for a moment, and makes tiny, peaceful snores. Catra smiles for a moment, the rhythm of breath comforting. Blonde hair cascades in a loose braid down her back, and Catra’s guilt delivers another gut punch when she notices the scratches. She-Ra can heal herself quite easily, but some of Catra’s marks from the fight remain. Some newer, fresher ones from more intimate moments between the sheets decorate her shoulder blades, and any other night free of guilt-induced night terrors, Catra would smirk with pride and desire at the memory.
But now, she stiffens. She can’t be around her love for another second right now, so she pushes her sheets aside and quietly roams the castle until she reaches a patch of grass outside, a curious Melog in tow behind her. The moonstone illuminates the night and Catra lays back, allowing the bed of grass to tickle her back and eyes to marvel over the constellations of stars and the tree that was once Prime’s ship. Two and a half years since stars aside from their sun first appeared in Etherian skies, two and a half years of adventures in those stars to save the galaxy, and Catra still isn’t quite used to it.
It’s not until she feels a tear roll down her cheek and her breaths hitching that she realizes she’s crying, and she feels stupid for even coming out here in the middle of the night. She rolls onto her side, letting her tears hit the ground. She should go back to bed and be with her Adora instead of crying over this. Better yet, she should run away, deep into the Whispering Woods where nobody can find her and she can’t hurt anyone ever again. Or perhaps she should have stayed dead on Prime’s ship, or failing that, been dropped off on a lone planet.
“Babe, what are you doing out here without a coat?” Adora coos, brown knitted together with concern. “You’ll get sick.”
Catra yelps, scrambling to sit up and meet the gaze of her girlfriend. A sigh of relief escapes her. “Fuck, Adora, you’ve got to stop sneaking up on me like that,” she huffs, hand against her heart as it beats against her chest.
“Sorry,” Adora grimaces sheepishly, sitting next to her partner in the grass and draping a spare coat over her shoulders.
“S’fine,” Catra dismisses, gratefully shuffling her arms through the sleeves. “Uh, thanks.”
“So, you wanna tell me why you’re sitting out here by yourself and crying in the middle of the night?” Adora pries.
“I’m fine,” the feline lies, sniffing and wiping her face with the back of her hand as she averts her gaze. “Don’t worry about it, Adora. You should go back and get some rest.”
“Not sure if you knew this, but it’s kinda my job to worry about you,” the blonde snarks lovingly. “Look, I’m not gonna make you talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m not letting you sit out here alone. If you’re sitting out here being sad and miserable, then I am, too.” She leans against her side, and though she doesn’t feel she deserves it, Catra welcomes the affection, wrapping an arm around Adora’s shoulders.
Adora scoots in closer and rests her head on Catra’s shoulder as the other rubs lazy circles on hers.
“Adora?”
“Yeah?”
She pauses, swallowing thickly. “Why are you still here?”
Catra feels Adora’s brows furrow in confusion against her chest. “I just sat down?”
“No, ugh, I mean, why am I still here?”
Adora yawns, lifting her head from the magicat’s shoulders. “Catra, it’s three in the morning, can we wait until my brain is rebooted to get all existential?”
Catra gives her the ‘you’re a moron’ look, though a slight smile tugs at her lips. Adora returns the smile, but Catra’s face drops as she averts her gaze, removing her arm from Adora’s shoulders and pulling her knees into her chest. “Why…do you guys let me stay in Bright Moon? I did so many terrible things to you. All of you. I hurt so many people.”
“Catra,” Adora protests, placing a gentle hand on her back.
“I almost ended the world over some petty bullshit, those scars on your back are because of me.”
“But that’s not who you are now,” Adora reminds her, tracing patterns on the borrowed jacket.
“Isn’t it?” Catra challenges, head lifted to meet Adora’s gaze. “Nothing I do can make any of it okay or erase it.”
“No, you’re right. It can’t,” Adora agrees sagely. “But…” she rests her hand on top of one of Catra’s. “I know you’re trying. That’s what matters, that every day you’re trying to be better than the person you were yesterday.” She presses a kiss to her forehead.
“I still don’t understand why you stay.” Her tail flicks. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You’re my Catra,” the princess shrugs. “I chose you. I’ll always choose you. It doesn’t matter what you think you deserve, you’re stuck with me.” Adora moves her arm from Catra’s back to her shoulder and she pulls her girlfriend into her side. “You’re gonna have to try a lot harder than that to get rid of me.”
Catra looks at her girlfriend with a worshipful reverence, eyes misting again as she unfurls her legs and wraps one of her arms around Adora’s waist. She holds up the pinky of her other hand delicately. “Promise?”
“Promise.” Adora links her pinky around Catra’s and brings their hands up to press a kiss into her knuckles. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”
She moves one hand to cup Catra’s cheek and gently tucks a curly, shoulder-length strand of hair behind her ear, giving it a small scratch. The smile on Catra’s features grows wider, and Adora removes her pinky from Catra’s to cup her other cheek. She thumbs away a stray tear and inches her face closer to catch pretty lips in her own.
Their kisses are soft, slow and gentle as Catra slowly moves on top of Adora and lowers her to the grass. The blonde hums in approval, moving the hands from Catra’s cheek to her shoulders and sighing as Catra trails sweet kisses down her neck. “Catra?” she interrupts.
“Yeah?” The magicat mumbles against her lips, pressing one more kiss to them before pulling back to look at her lover’s flushed cheeks.
“W-we should probably go back inside.”
Catra chuckles, making Adora’s stomach flip as she unfurls her legs and rests her head against the blonde’s chest. “Getting cold?”
Lithe digits rub the back of Catra’s ears in the spot she likes and she purrs against Adora’s chest as another hand wraps protectively around her waist. “Yeah.”
Catra presses a kiss to her jaw. “I mean, I think I know a few ways we can warm up, but I’d rather my girlfriend not turn into a popsicle. I don’t think that’d be very sexy.”
Adora giggles, jabbing a thumb into Catra’s side, causing her to squeak, and rolling over so the feline’s back is now to the ground. “You’re such a dork,” she snickers.
“Yeah? Look who’s talking,” Catra smirks through half-lidded eyes.”
“That’s not something you say to someone pinning you to the ground.”
Catra snorts. “Weren’t you the one who wanted to go inside?”
“Y-yeah. So?” A flush returns to Adora’s cheeks. “Alright, alright,” she laughs, standing up before helping Catra to her feet.
“Hey, Adora?”
“Yeah?”
She feels her waist pulled into a bone-crushing hug and returns the embrace, one hand running through Catra’s hair and the other around her shoulders. “Thank you,” Catra murmurs against her chest. “I love you.”
Adora kisses her cheek softly and pulls back so their foreheads are rested against each other. “I love you, too.” They stay like that for a few moments before pulling back, lacing their fingers together.
Once they make their way back to the bedroom, Adora crawls in on her side before lifting the covers invitingly for Catra to join in. “Little or big?”
Catra flushes, still slightly embarrassed after all these years to admit she’s a softie who likes to be held. “…Little,” she replies.
“Alright,” Adora says, opening up her arms. “Get in here, then.”
Catra obliges, crawling into the bed and facing her back towards Adora’s chest. She smiles as Adora wraps a protective arm against her midsection and pulls her flush against her.
“G‘night,” she mumbles sleepily, pressing a soft kiss to Catra’s shoulder. Little snores give away that Catra is already conked out, and a deep, peaceful slumber finds Adora soon after.