Work Text:
He knows the road he’s been walking down; the fine line between which side he’s on.
The irony is - trying to do the right thing has only brought him closer to the darkness.
He knows he’s scaring, Hailey - he does.
And he hates that he’s the reason behind the hurt in her eyes.
He never wants that for her. He loves her. More than ever.
But he knows he’s doing a terrible job of showing her that. Of making her feel that.
He hates the place he’s found himself in.
Hates that he’s lying to pretty much everyone in his life who matters.
When he’d taken Voight to Will the other week after he’d pulled his stitches, his brother had pulled him aside on their way out the door. Concern furrowing his brows.
‘Jay, you’d tell me if something’s up, right? Something feels off with you.’
He wants to tell him. Wants to tell his brother that he’s got himself into a fucking mess. That he hates himself a little right now.
He doesn’t. He grips his elder brother by the shoulders and tells him he’s fine.
‘Work is just something else right now, you know? There’s a new chief and Voight is still finding his feet after the shooting. I’m good.’
It’s a lie.
Will knows it.
Hailey knows it.
He’s doing his best to keep Voight on the straight and narrow. He won’t follow him over the lines, but he knows the elder man needs a close watch at the moment to stop that from happening. And he doesn’t want that for Hank. They’ve known each other for over a decade. But he doesn’t want the ramifications for the team more. Their unit is a family and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try to at least hold it together.
The others don’t deserve their careers to be tainted if Voight goes up in flames. Kev, Kim and Adam deserve their shot to make detective if they want it and Hailey - Hailey deserves the damn world.
He slides open his desk drawer and glances at the framed photo he keeps of the two of them in there. Hailey had teased him for it; asked why he needed the photo when he sits opposite her all day. But they’re not the same thing. The Jay and Hailey who sit opposite one another all day are Halstead and Upton. The two people in the photo, beaming at the camera whilst the sun sets over the lake behind them, are simply Jay and Hailey. Two people in love.
He takes it out and runs his thumb over Hailey’s smiling face. It’s a smile he hasn’t seen in a while, and it weighs heavy on his shoulders and in his heart.
He knows he’s making the lines between home and work hard for them both at the minute, but he wants to believe that if he can just get Voight through the next few weeks, things will be better again.
He sighs as his phone buzzes on his desk. He’s the only one left in the bullpen. Hailey had reluctantly left a couple of hours ago when he’d all but sent her away citing the fact that he had to cover the paperwork.
He knows who it will be before he looks at the caller ID.
O’Neal
The man had been contacting Jay to assign new cases when Voight was on his one-man vengeance patrol and then had continued to check in since.
Jay can’t work the man out quite yet. Knows he cares for Voight and recognises the sergeant’s strengths, but he also knows there’s a past there - one that’s messy and complicated like most people’s relationships with his boss - and Jay suspects there’s an ulterior motive at play. He’s just not sure of its origins yet.
He runs a tired hand down his face as he lifts the phone to his ear.
‘Superintendent,’ he answers.
‘Halstead, you still at the 21st?’
‘I am.’
‘Come and meet me down at headquarters then.’
‘I’ll be there soon, sir.’
He texts Hailey and tells her not to wait up and hates himself a little more. He should tell her; he knows he should. But he also holds out hope that tomorrow will be better and then he won’t have to worry her at all. That things will be back on track.
He’s tired and is glad the streets are quiet as he heads across town in the truck.
O’Neal is waiting for him - greets him at the main desk downstairs with a firm handshake and a good to see you, detective.
Jay feels the familiar itch between his skin signifying his unease. Knows this conversation isn’t going to be straightforward.
And it’s not. Of course, it’s not. Nothing is any more.
An hour later, Jay emerges and makes his way down to the comfort of his truck where he sits with his head in his hands.
He’d tried so hard to tie the loose ends on this one but here O’Neal is picking at the scabs.
He’s terrified. Not for him - but for Hailey.
O’Neal told him he’d been looking into cases the unit had worked on in recent years. That this was merely a superintendent looking into one of the city’s most elite and effective teams wanting to learn what strategies could be applied to up-skill other units and ensure high success rates.
He’d told Jay that the role he played in Intelligence was impressive. How so many of their cases had been run successfully by him and done in the right way.
‘Thank you, Sir,’ Jay nodded.
‘Ever thought about doing the sergeant’s exam? We need more people with your skills and your ethics climbing the ranks.’
Jay shifted in his chair. Not sure where the conversation was going. Because though O’Neal’s question wasn’t a surprise, it’s strange to be summoned to the headquarters at nearing ten o’clock at night to have it asked. ‘It’s crossed my mind, but I’m not too sure where I’d find the time to study for it.’
O’Neal chuckled. ‘A very diplomatic response. I know Hank won’t want to part with you, but I’ll see what we can do about that.’
‘Sir?’
‘In the meantime, there’s one case in particular that I can’t understand you not getting recognition for.’
He swallows - hard. Knows the words that will come out of O’Neal’s mouth.
‘It was your actions and your decisions that saved the life of Officer Burgess when she was abducted and shot.’
Jay utilises his sniper training to retain control of his breathing. On the surface, he’s the definition of calm.
‘That was a team effort, Sir.’
‘Only half of your team though - the half that followed you.’
Jay meets the older man’s gaze. ‘We split up to utilise all the avenues at our disposal in the hope of finding, Kim. She deserved our best.’
O’Neal holds up his hands. ‘You’re not on trial, detective. I’m trying to give you praise. Every case file I read, every cop’s good opinion of you, only confirms to me that you’re ready for more.’
Jay says nothing. Just nods at the older officer.
‘I know it’s late and you’d like to get home, I just wanted to let you know first of all that I’ll be holding an official ceremony to recognise the role that you, Sergeant Platt and Officer Atwater played in finding Officer Burgess by doing it the right way.’
Jay breathes out a sigh. The last thing they need is any spotlight on this case again.
—————
He sees Hailey’s bottom lip tremble when he tells her.
‘It should never have got this far,’ she says.
‘Hey, no. Stop.’
‘No, Jay. This is all because of me. You’re being dragged down by it - again!’
‘Hailey,’ he says a little louder. ‘Just stop. I made my own decisions and I’ll make them again. We’ll be okay.’
He watches her wring her hands together. Hates the memories it brings back of watching her deteriorate carrying the weight of it all last year.
‘Hailey, I’ve got you. I’ve got us. We’ll be okay.’
He reaches for her, but she pulls back and a piece of him breaks as he watches the tears well in her eyes.
‘Jay, we’re barely ‘us’ right now. You’re not you. You’re not letting me in. We don’t spend any time together. What makes you so sure we’ll get past this again when twelve months later we’re back in the exact same position that we were?’
He feels like he’s been punched in the gut.
‘Hailey,’ he swallows. Takes a breath. ‘I love you. That’s how I know.’
She doesn’t meet his gaze though. Looks down at the ground and lets out a watery sigh.
‘I’m trying to do the right thing, Hailey.’
He needs her to know that. He’s trying to hold everyone together. Make sure everyone’s okay.
‘By who?’
What? He shakes his head. She can’t mean that.
He takes a step closer to her. If he could only hold her, she’d know. She’d feel how much he loves her, cherishes her. Would do anything for her. ‘Hailey, you don’t mean that.’
She looks up at the ceiling willing the tears not to fall. ‘I’m scared for you. I’m scared that you’re going to end up somewhere you don’t want to be, and you’ll take the hit because that’s who you are. And I’m scared that we’re not going to recognise you and me on the other side of it.’
He’s hurt and he’s angry that she doesn’t believe in them enough. Doesn’t believe in him enough that he can find a way through this.
But he promised himself that he’d never speak to her with anger in their home. Never wants her to feel anything akin to that in her life ever again and so he takes a breath, and another, then tells her he’ll go and warm the truck up before they head into work.
————-
‘Yo, man. Everything cool with you and Hailey?’
Jay and Kevin are straightening the ties on their dress blues ready for the damn award they’re receiving for saving Kim. Not that he’s not grateful that they saved her that day; it was the only good thing to come from the whole sorry affair.
Jay glances up to see Trudy approaching in her uniform.
‘Yeah, man. Everything’s fine. Just work, you know.’
The look Kevin gives him tells him the officer isn’t quite believing that. ‘Okay, if that’s the way you wanna play it - but work ain’t more important than what you two got. I mean, you know that right? I’m preaching to the choir here, right?’
He smiles tightly. Knows Kevin cares. ‘Yeah, man. You are. We’ll be good.’
‘This gonna become a weekly thing?’ Platt says rolling her eyes as she comes to stand next to them equally as uneasy with the formalities.
‘Not if we’re decidedly unheroic,’ Jay quips earning him a Trudy Platt death stare.
‘I’m gonna go grab Burgess,’ Kev says as he leaves the two of them alone.
That’s the only positive in all of this - Kim’s reaction. She’d requested she be the one to award the three of them their medals.
‘Chuckles’
‘Platt’
‘No, Goldilocks?’
‘You know why she’s not here.’
‘I mean, officially, I know she and Adam are leading the case with Torres in the absence of half the team.’
‘Then you know the truth.’
‘Jay, cut the crap.’ Trudy says setting her shoulders. ‘How worried do we need to be here?’
Jay runs a hand over his face. ‘I’ve got it, Trudy. Hailey and Voight will be fine.’
Trudy shakes her head at him. ‘And you?’
He’s saved from trying to formulate a response by the arrival of Kim and Kevin.
He turns away from Trudy’s gaze.
————
The last thing he’d needed was a case involving an ex-serviceman, but Jay knows better than most that life is rarely fair.
He’s gotten so much better over the years at finding a little perspective with cases like this.
But something about the guy gets right under his skin. The system has failed him - as it has so many others.
He wants to get him out. Out from the violent world the guy has found himself a part of.
He convinces Voight to let him go undercover and work the guy as a CI. Hailey’s worried, but he asks her to trust him. He knows it must seem like a big ask these days.
She questions that there’s no viable back up for Jay if it goes sideways.
They try to work a plan where Dante or Adam can support, but it’s not feasible and they all know it.
‘You know what you’ll have to do if things go south, don’t you?’ Hailey says as he changes in the locker room.
‘Hails, I know. I’ve got this.’
He zips up the sweatshirt he’s pulled on. It’s risky but not more so than many other situations they’ve been in. Hailey just feels it’s avoidable - he knows that – but he wants to help. Needs to do some good.
It’s all going to plan until it isn’t. It all goes to hell in the worst possible way, and he watches as they shoot a civilian in the stomach at close range. She’s young, beautiful. Can’t be more than mid-twenties. And he can’t help himself when he sees she’s not yet dead. Her green eyes meet his where she’s choking on her own blood on the floor and there’s a moment of pure clarity in amongst all the chaos and the ringing of the alarms. He knows he’ll try to save her at any cost.
He thinks briefly of Hailey. Hopes she’s not the one to find him because he’s really not too sure how he’ll get out of this one armed only with the small knife tucked in his boot.
He crouches down and tries to staunch the steady flow of blood. At least there’s plenty of supplies on hand being in a pharmacy.
‘I’m here. I’ve got you. I’m a cop,’ he whispers to the girl.
‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing, man?’ The leader of the crew appears. Mask still in place.
‘I’m a trained medic,’ Jay says. ‘I can help her. We don’t need her death on us.’
‘And that’s your fucking decision to make?’
Jay watches as the man cocks the trigger back on his gun.
‘Whoah, whoah. What’s going on?’ Connor - the vet he’s trying to help - rounds the corner.
‘Your little friend is trying to save her. I thought you said he was solid.’
‘He is, he is. He’s just trained for this. It’s instinct.’
Jay has to hold it to him. Connor does well. Sees the way the other man hesitates, but it’s not enough.
‘Make him stop helping her,’ the leader of the crew says turning the rifle on Connor. ‘If he won’t stop - shoot him.’
‘I’m not gonna shoot him,’ Connor says calmly.
‘Fine, I will then.’
There’s a second where Jay knows the bullet’s coming. If he moves the girl will die.
He can’t move.
He looks down at her. Meets her scared gaze and tries to give her what he hopes is a look of reassurance. He hears the bang but doesn’t feel the pain.
Connor jumps in front of him. Takes the bullet.
‘No!’ He yells.
Whether from adrenaline or fear, the girl squeezes his hand silently telling him she’s got the strength to hold the gauze pads for a moment. She won’t manage more than a minute or two. Jay knows that.
He moves.
Quickly.
In one motion, the knife is out of his pocket, and he tackles the leader to the ground plunging the knife into his calf once, twice before he can get purchase to do further damage.
It’s dirty fighting. The knife too short for anything but.
When the man is down, Jay dives to Connor who’s in bad shape. He took a bullet for him. He took a damn bullet for him.
‘Man, you’re gonna be okay. Help’s coming. Help’s coming.’
Where is the team? The alarm was tripped minutes ago now and the crew aren’t out. Surely, they must realise something is wrong.
‘The others,’ Connor gasps.
Jay knows what’s coming. There’s two more men in the crew that he’s going to have to fight off before he can help either Connor or the girl further.
It all happens swiftly. They emerge from the warehouse out the back having heard the shots and immediately turn to Jay. Using Connor’s gun, he fires off a round hitting one squarely in the chest but then the barrel is empty.
Christ, Connor loaded one bullet in his gun. He really didn’t want to be involved in this. Where he’s taken cover, he can’t reach the leader’s rifle. Jay clings to the bloody knife in his hand. It’s all he’s got now.
He waits the man out. Waits for the moment the trigger-happy shooter has to reload and launches himself at him. The blade meets flesh and Jay remains in position until the man falls.
‘Help her,’ Connor says desperately. ‘Please help her.’
It’s a decision nobody ever wants to make - who to save. He honours Connor’s wishes and returns to the girl.
‘I’m Jay,’ he says to her. ‘I’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay.’
The team arrives followed by ambulances but it’s too late for Connor. He knows that before he even looks his way.
‘Jesus, Jay,’ Adam says helping him to his feet. ‘Jay, you’re good now. Let go of the knife. You can put it down now.’
He hadn’t even realised he was still holding it. Clinging to it like his lifeline.
Hailey arrives and takes in the scene. It’s a blood bath. There’s no other way to cut it. Her eyes meet his.
He feels like crying. He tried to save him and wound up getting him killed. That’s on him.
She stands beside him as he cleans the blood from his hands outside. The words won’t come.
He can’t talk about it that night either. Can’t get the words out but he holds her and hopes they’ll be okay. He calls med for an update on the girl but she’s still in surgery.
Sleep doesn’t come easily.
————
O’Neal phones again two days later. Calls to check in after reading the paperwork on the pharmacy robberies.
‘Not many officers would have made it out of there.’
He doesn’t know what the man wants him to say.
‘Whose call was it to run the undercover?’
‘Mine,’ Jay says. ‘Those deaths are on me.’
‘Son, I think they’re on themselves. They chose that path. And you saved that girl’s life at great potential cost to your own.’
Jay paces up and down the locker room holding the phone far too tightly to his ear.
‘I’m just trying to work out why Hank would say it was his decision on the paperwork then?’
He stops pacing. ‘Ultimately, it’s his call. It’s his unit, Sir.’
‘Of course,’ O’Neal replies smoothly. Too smoothly. ‘Just made me wonder how many times things that are ‘ultimately’ Hank’s call end up that way. How many discrepancies can be erased by the right paperwork…’
Jay’s quiet on the phone.
‘How far off the deep end did he go, Jay? With the Walton case. What kind of secret am I sitting on here as the superintendent?’
Jay’s left stunned by the sudden segue. ‘In what way, Sir?’
‘You know what way, Jay. When you have your answer, you know where to find me.’
He hangs his forehead against his locker. This can’t be happening again.
He’s drowning.
He’s drowning and can’t see the shore.
‘Jay, you alright?’
He straightens up to find Kim standing in the doorway. Alarm etched on her face.
‘Yeah, all good, Kim.’
‘Jay, you know you can talk to me, right? I know you have Hailey and Will, and we might not be the closest in the team but I’m always here.’
‘I know that. Thank you,’ he nods to her. ‘I’m fine.’
Another lie that tastes bitter on his tongue. This can’t come out. Not only will it destroy Hailey - but it will destroy Kim too.
————
He takes a walk in an attempt to clear his head. It doesn’t work. Calls Voight to say he’s checking in with a CI and will be back later.
He drives around and around before finally pulling into a parking bay down by the water. He gets out and stares out to the horizon.
He hears a car door shut behind him and knows it’s her before he sees her.
‘What’s up?’ she says leaning against the railing beside him. ‘Because this isn’t you meeting a CI. The lying to me, I’m getting kind of used to. But the lying to Voight is new.’
It works. The jibe. It’s one he probably deserves.
‘Hailey, I -
-don’t.’ She holds up a hand. ‘Don’t tell me it’s fine and don’t tell me you’re okay. Don’t say anything at all unless it’s the truth. You can’t do it all alone. You don’t have to do it all alone. I’m here, Jay.’
He shakes his head. How the hell did they get here? All he wanted was for them to be happy. For the team to be okay. He’s fought so damn hard for it.
‘Hailey, I’m so sorry.’
Her hand reaches for his. ‘Talk to me. Please. Jay, I’m begging you. I’m actually begging you. Please let me in.’
He does.
He tells her.
Talks until he doesn’t know what to say anymore.
‘We’ll figure it out,’ she says.
But he doesn’t know how. They say a problem shared is a problem halved and god does he know he has her support, but the problem still doesn’t seem any smaller.
————-
They’d talked most of the night and there’s still no real way forward that has any clarity.
O’Neal isn’t going to just accept some lie.
Nor is the truth going to come without ramifications.
They decide to see if any clarity comes in the next twenty-four hours.
He knows she might hate him a little for going to O’Neal without telling her. But he can’t tell her and then find the strength to go through with this.
He has a plan now. A plan he hopes will help her and that’s ultimately all he wants.
‘Sir,’ he says looking at the older man, ‘I’m here to tell you the truth.’
O’Neal looks a little surprised. As if it wouldn’t be so easy. As if he hadn’t suspected Jay to so readily come to a decision.
‘One bad act, doesn’t make you a bad person,’ Jay starts.
‘You telling me there’s only one?’
‘You asked me about one. I’m telling you about one.’
The older man sizes Jay up with his gaze.
‘Stop right there, Halstead.’
Jay closes his mouth. Frowns.
‘Stop. I know that look in your eyes. You’re here to do something noble and take the fall yourself.’
He swallows. Crosses his arms. ‘Well you want someone for it, don’t you?’
‘Not in the way you think.’
‘What do you mean?’ He’s not here to play games.
‘I’m saying, you being here like this tells me all I need to know. Tells me where things are at with Hank. I don’t have any issue with Hailey Upton, Jay. You should know that.’
Jay let’s out a breath. Tries to keep his composure.
‘And I don’t currently have an issue with Hank, but I know him. I’m seen him off the deep end and I won’t have that on my watch. I need strong police but not police policing by their own rules.’
Jay can’t argue with that. ‘What are you saying?’
O’Neal leans back in his chair. ‘I’m saying I’ll seal the case as classified due to the ensuing FBI arrests and their sensitive nature, along with it involving the murder of the superintendent’s son, the attempted murder of a Chicago Police Officer and the killings of those poor young girls. I’ll do it the right way, Jay. It’ll be done.’
He clenches his jaw. ‘What’s in it for you?’
‘You,’ O’Neal says nodding his head. ‘You’re in it for me. And there’s plenty in it for you. I don’t need to spell that out for you.’
Jay tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling briefly.
‘It’ll be sealed?’
O’Neal nods. ‘It will. No more questions.’
‘And what? You own me?’
‘No,’ O’Neal says shaking his head. ‘But I need you to be doing good in this city and you staying in Intelligence right now will not allow you to do that. I need you to be leading. Driving forward change. And I can’t have a sergeant being held up by a detective in his unit. Hank either flies on his own or he’ll sink.’
‘When?’ Jay swallows.
‘As soon as next week.’
Jay can only nod feeling shaky on his feet.
‘I’ll put you in place as an acting sergeant in another unit until you pass the exam. I could promote you meritoriously given your line of duty record, but I doubt you’d want that.’
He nods to the superintendent and turns to leave. It’s over. His time in intelligence is over but so is the possibility of Hailey ever being ruined by the Walton case again.
‘Jay,’ O’Neal says and Jay halts with his hand on the door handle. ‘What you said before - I know you weren’t talking about yourself, but the words seem pretty accurate from where I’m standing right now for your situation too.’
Jay glances back over his shoulder and listens as the older man continues. ‘One bad deed doesn’t make you a bad man. This way you can carry on doing good without a noose hanging around your neck.’
He drives home – exhausted in a way that deflates him. He feels like the last year has finally caught up with him.
He just wants Hailey. Wants to hug her and hold her and breathe her in.
He turns his key in the lock and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees she’s still up. Her profile illuminated by the lamplight on the side table. A glass of red wine stands on the table before her but it looks untouched.
She cranes her neck to look at him and he sees the way her eyes scan him trying to take in what kind of state he’s in. Sees the concern in her gaze.
He did that to her. Made her live a life of worry recently. He pledges to make it right.
He hangs up his coat, slipping out of his boots and sliding them on to the bench by their front door.
‘Hey,’ he says joining her on the couch.
‘Hey,’ she says picking at the cushion she holds on her lap. ‘You’re late again.’
‘I went to tell O’Neal the truth,’ he says quietly.
Hailey’s head snaps up. ‘What?’
‘Hailey,’ he breathes reaching for her hand. ‘He already knew, and I would never turn you in. You have to know that.’ He bites back the tears forming because he made her doubt his loyalty in the way he’s acted recently. He was only trying to hold the team together but in doing so he compromised the most important team - he and Hailey.
‘So what - you were going to, what? Take the fall yourself?’
He looks down.
‘Oh my god, Jay!’ She’s half shouting now. Stands up off the sofa to put some space between them. ‘You can’t make a decision like that. You don’t get to make the decisions for everyone - for me!’
‘I know,’ he says standing and approaching her with his hands out. ‘I know that. I do.’
She stops pacing and faces him. His own tears reflected in hers.
‘Hailey, he’ll seal the case as classified.’
‘What?’ she breathes.
‘He’ll seal it so nobody can ever question it again.’
‘What’s the cost?’ She asks setting her jaw.
He sighs.
‘Jay,’ she says stepping close to him. ‘What is the cost?’
‘He wants me.’
Her voice is shaky when she speaks. ‘For what?’
He swallows. It’s the first time he’s said the words out loud. ‘To lead another unit. To leave Intelligence. To let Voight stand on his own.’
He watches the tears spill from Hailey’s eyes and he reaches out to catch them with his thumb.
‘I said yes.’
‘Jay,’ she cries. ‘This…this is all my fault.’
He pulls her into his chest. The woman he adores. The woman who regularly leaves him in awe. He won’t lose sight of that. He’ll protect that with all he has.
‘Come here,’ he says cradling the back of her head. ‘I’m so sorry, Hailey. I’m so sorry I’ve let you down recently.’
He feels her tears dampen his shirt as she quietly sobs into his front.
It breaks his heart.
‘I never meant to hurt you and I know I have. I was trying to do the right thing, but I made a mess of everything,’ he whispers the next words because he doesn’t want to give them any more power, ‘of us.’
Hailey squeezes him a little tighter. When she pulls back, Jay tucks the tear-dampened strands of hair stuck to her cheeks behind her ear.
‘I’m sorry, Hailey. Really, I am.’
‘Jay,’ she says shakily. ‘Jay, I want us to be okay.’
He dips his head to meet her gaze. ‘We’ll be good, Hailey. We’ll always be good.’
She smiles sadly at his words and the shared memory.
‘Hailey, I love you,’ he says. ‘I love you more than anything. And I know my actions might not have made it seem like that recently but it’s the greatest truth I own. And this,’ he swallows at what he’s about to say, ‘this might be a good thing for you and me and that’s what’s important here. More than anything else. No job will ever come close.’
‘I don’t want you to leave,’ she whispers cupping his cheek in her palm. ‘I don’t want you to have to quit your dream because of me.’
He takes her hands and moves to sit on the sofa pulling her down close so that she’s sitting on his lap facing him. ‘Hailey,’ he smiles at her. The smile he only saves for her. This wonderful, beautiful woman. ‘You still don’t get it, do you?’
He looks into her eyes. The eyes of his best friend, his love. ‘You’re my dream. Our future. Don’t you get that? Whatever else is going on in our lives, that doesn’t change.’
‘But,’ she starts shakily, ‘but the unit is supposed to be yours one day.’
He shrugs and it’s a little sad. He knows that. It’s a little sad, but it’s also okay. ‘And who knows what the future will hold. Maybe it will be mine one day, but for now, I’ll find my feet somewhere else and I’m okay with that.’
He is. He’s okay with it. It hurts. It will hurt (but not half as much as causing a rift between he and Hailey).
‘I’m sorry,’ she says again. ‘Jay, I’m so sorry. All of this started because of my actions.’
‘Hey,’ he says tilting her chin up to look at him. ‘We’ve both made decisions that have led us here and now we’ve got a chance for something new,’ he swallows tightly. ‘Maybe even something better for you and me.’
‘Yeah?’ she breathes.
He tries to force as much conviction behind his words as he can. ‘Yeah.’
‘A new chapter.’
There were times he thought the Intelligence Unit was his final chapter. The only chapter he wanted. But then there was Hailey, and nothing was as important as her, as them, as their marriage. ‘Yeah,’ he smiles and this one feels a little more genuine, ‘a new chapter for you and me. And you know what?’ he says pressing a kiss to her forehead. ‘We’re going to make it so good. I promise.’
And he will. He vows it to himself as he sits in their apartment with the woman he loves curled up against him. He’ll weather any storm and face any changes if he can come home to her. To find their calm in the storm in one another.
To love her, he thinks, is pretty much worth anything. And with that knowledge, he thinks he can hold his head high and face just about anything.