Archive of Our Own

Sometimes it’s strange going back somewhere where you haven’t been in years. Somewhere that used to be a shelter for a long time, a second home, even. It’s strange because although everything almost looks the same, it’s not. Old cyber-cafés are now chain supermarkets, the ice cream shop they used to hang out in is empty, and there are at least three more lines of houses by the beach. 

Chanhee notices all of that as he looks through the window from the back seat, his parents talking to him about how this will do him good. And maybe it will, it was his idea, after all, to come back, but it’s been so long that he almost feels like a stranger coming into uncharted territory rather than an old friend returning home after a long time. 

His father turns left in their street and it’s as if time had stopped since the last time he left. The paint has faded a little bit; the vibrant orange from their building is now a subtle peachy tone due to the sun’s ruthless strength. Chanhee likes it better, somehow. 

“We’re here!” His mother says, very excited. Mom always loved coming here, going to the beach in the morning, and strolling up and down until her feet complained. In fact, when Chanhee suggested coming back here for the summer holidays after so long, he did it partly because he knew that she would like it, too. 

It’s been a hard year for all of them, and maybe a bit of ocean breeze and some peace and quiet will do them well. Or at least, that’s what Chanhee’s counting on. 

After his father has parked the car and they’ve unloaded all the luggage, they make their way up the steps to the apartment, that has been left untouched for years.

He sees some kids in the swimming pool that he’s sure he’s never met before, but a thought crosses his mind that maybe he knows their parents from when they used to live here. Time is scary, sometimes. 

“You guys can head down to the beach if you want, I’ve got this,” Chanhee tells his parents when they go inside. 

It needs a deep cleaning, but Chanhee is used to doing that, and after driving for hours, his father must be exhausted, and his mother’s back isn’t in any shape to start lifting furniture, so he’ll do it. 

“Are you sure? We don’t mind helping out,” his father suggests, but he shakes his head. That was the deal, and they all know it, which is why they leave after getting some swimming clothes and towels out of their bags. 

As soon as he’s alone, he leaves all the luggage in the kitchen and opens all the windows in the house so the air can breathe through it for the first time in years, and Chanhee almost does, as well. 

He’s got so many memories in this house, from the first time he got stung by a wasp to the constant fights with his older brother for the remote, to sneaking in past his curfew after being out playing cards with his friends. He wonders if any of the people he used to hang out with are still here, he wonders if all of them are gone since he hasn’t kept in touch with any of them. 

The view from the balcony welcomes him with open arms, the beach filled with colorful umbrellas and people enjoying the warmth of the sun even so early in the morning when it’s not as ruthless yet. The crashing sound of the waves makes him smile, he truly missed this. 

(...) 

He’s drowned his second water bottle of the day by the time he’s done cleaning the living room. He’s shirtless and has his hair up to have it away from his face from how much he’s sweating when there’s a knock on the door. Of course, his parents forgot the keys. He’s not even sure where he has his either, so he doesn’t blame them. 

“One second!” He calls from the couch. He had to sit down for a minute. When he eventually finds the strength to stand up and walk toward the door the last thing he expects to see when he opens the door is one of his childhood best friends. 

“No fucking way!” He says, and his smile is so big it almost blinds Chanhee. “There’s no fucking way, Choi Chanhee!?” he laughs and pulls him into a hug before Chanhee can even take in what’s happening. 

“W–Wait, Jaehyun I’m all sweaty–” he tries to push him away but his friend doesn’t bulge. 

“Then I’ll jump in the pool after! What–Wow, how long has it been?” he asks, now having let Chanhee go and he takes him in for the first time properly. And maybe his memory isn’t too good, but this Jaehyun looks different. 

Chanhee has always felt like he didn’t change much growing up. People around him used to get bigger in high school, bigger muscles, taller… But he was already tall as a kid, and in high school, nothing much changed. Jaehyun seems to be in the other group of people because he is twice the size he was the last time Chanhee saw him. 

“Lost count,” is what Chanhee manages to say, an awkward smile on his lips because truly, even though they grew up together, he feels like a stranger. 

“I saw your parents earlier at the beach and for a second I thought I was hallucinating or something, but then I saw all the windows open and I just had to come and check. I can’t believe you’re here!” And Chanhee can’t help but giggle at his old friend’s enthusiasm. He wasn’t expecting to see anybody, at least not yet, but it is a pleasant surprise for sure to feel this… welcomed. “I can’t wait to tell everyone that you’re back!” 

“Everyone?” Chanhee asks, eyebrows lifted. “Is everyone still here?” Jaehyun chuckles. 

“Yeah, of course. You’re the only one that disappeared for years,” and there’s no actual ill in his words, but Chanhee still feels apologetic. It’s not like it was up to him, anyway. Life just… happened. 

“Oh, that’s—I thought you’d all be gone,” Chanhee chuckles and then realizes that it sounds as if he was hoping that would happen. “Not that I wanted you to be! I mean—It’s just been too long.” Jaehyun doesn’t seem offended, though. He just chuckles. 

“It has, yeah. We’ve missed you, you know? Summers were not the same without the regular Mario Kart championships at your place.” And that makes Chanhee laugh. 

“Ah… I should’ve known you guys only liked me because I had a Wii and you didn’t…” And Jaehyun laughs along with him. 

“That’s so not true! We also liked your brother’s PS3.” Chanhee hits his arm and is certain that he hurts himself more than he’s hurt Jaehyun. “Auch!” His friend still complains. 

“Well, we don’t have any of those anymore, I’m sorry.” When he looks up and meets Jaehyun’s eyes, the smile the other boy’s wearing is so warm it makes Chanhee burn up from the inside out. As if it wasn’t hot enough in this apartment already. 

“You’re here, that’s enough for me.” And it does sound like he means it. “Well, I–I guess I should leave you to whatever it is that you’re doing in there,” he chuckles looking past Chanhee at the mess that currently is the house. “I’d offer to help out but my sister came for a few days with the little one and mom will have my head if I’m late for lunch,” he chuckles and Chanhee’s eyes pop out. 

“Your sister has a kid?!” Jaehyun laughs at his reaction, nodding. 

“Yeah, he’s… three this year,” he says. Chanhee can’t help but remember how Jaehyun’s sister sometimes would hang out with them and how she would tell on them and get them in trouble whenever they did something naughty. 

“Wow… That’s—Wow,” he can’t seem to find the words and for some reason, it’s incredibly amusing for Jaehyun. 

“You can come over later and meet him. You know where we live, after all.” 

And he does. Because the same way Jaehyun probably knew the way to Chanhee’s family’s apartment by heart from how many times he’s been here, Chanhee still remembers the way to his. 

“I still need to finish around here first, so I can’t promise I’ll be able to exist much today, because I’ll probably be exhausted after I finish,” he chuckles, and Jaehyun nods. 

“That’s alright. We’ve got all summer, don’t we?” And something about that feels so reassuring. He’s got all summer to do whatever he wants, to not think about everything that went on during the year or any of the years before, or what will come after, either. 

“Yeah, yeah, we do,” he smiles back at him. 

“See you around, Chanhee. And welcome back,” Jaehyun says before he heads down the stairs and towards his apartment on the other side of the swimming pool that their blocks of buildings share. Chanhee thanks him before he goes, too. And he closes the door with a smile on his face and a bubbling feeling in his chest from the thought of seeing his friends again. 

He wonders if they’ve all changed as much as Jaehyun has, and he wonders if they’ll still accept him after this long. 

He hopes so. 

(...) 

His parents come back for lunch with some food from a new restaurant by the beach that opened up a few years ago and somewhere at the beach recommended to them. Chanhee is exhausted, and he still has some things left to clean because even if the apartment isn’t that big, the dust has settled even in the tightest of corners. 

The food is good, and it tastes even better after his hard work and after the fact that they haven’t had to cook any of it. 

“I can’t believe the banker’s daughter had a kid!” his mother says and it always used to amuse Chanhee how people here refer to other people. Chanhee had always been the teacher’s youngest. “I always thought your brother and her would end up getting married or something,” and Chanhee almost chokes with his food.

“Don’t tell me you and Jaehyun’s mom planned out their wedding or something like that, or I will literally throw up,” his mother laughs at his reaction.

“No, nothing like that. Just some silly thoughts of mine. But well, looking at it now I guess your brother wasn’t meant to marry anyone,” and silence falls upon them then. 

Chanhee’s older brother was supposed to get married in May. The wedding had been planned and paid for when he decided that he didn’t want to get married anymore. Broke off the engagement and went off on a spiritual journey that he still hasn’t returned from. 

In fact, it’s not usual that he comes up in conversations at all anymore, because he put their family in such a financial bind that they all end up getting mad. 

That was one of the hard things that happened to them the past year, and one of the reasons that they decided to come here as well. One last time. 

“We’re gonna go down to the shops later, so write down a list of everything you want so we can stack up the fridge, Chanhee,” his father subtly changes the topic, and he nods. 

He cleans up the now empty containers where they ate and starts to make a list for them. While they’re gone shopping, he’ll finish cleaning so they can sleep peacefully without fearing the dust will eat them alive. 

And it’s as he tackles the higher shelves in the kitchen to make sure they’re clean before his parents bring the food that someone knocks on the door again. This time, he hears more than one voice on the other side of it, so he opens it carefully, setting eyes on other faces that he hasn’t seen in years but that still look like the same kids who liked running around on the beach at night getting in trouble. 

“I’m back,” Jaehyun giggles. “And I brought some reinforcements!”

“Choi Chanhee,” he hears, a smile growing at the sight of his friends. He’s glad that it truly does feel as if no time has gone by between them. “We thought we’d never see you again!” 

“Good to see you, Sangyeon hyung,” and this time, it’s Chanhee who hugs Sangyeon first. Earlier, Jaehyun barely gave him any time to even try. “And you!” Changmin squeaks before he wraps his arms around Chanhee. “What are you doing here? I told you I’m a bit busy today,” Chanhee looks back at Jaehyun who has a devilish smile that always meant trouble back when they were kids. Guess at least that hasn’t changed.

“We came to help out! So you can finish earlier and join us tonight for some drinks at the beach! The rest of the guys wanna see you, too,” and the other two boys also nod. 

“What happened to ‘we have all summer’?” Chanhee chuckles. 

“We still do, but why wait?” Jaehyun invites himself in, followed by Changmin. 

“We were the only three that were available, but just so you know, everyone’s very happy that you’re back,” Sangyeon smiles and Chanhee feels so welcome that his heart could burst. Part of him is a bit sad that he’s going to have to go back to his life in a few months and probably never return to this place ever again. But for now, he can make the most of it. 

“I’m happy too, hyung,” he tells him. 

“Come on! We have some dust to clean!” Changmin says from inside, making them laugh. 

Sangyeon also comes into the apartment and Chanhee closes the door behind them, meeting with them in the kitchen and assigning each of their tasks. 

To be honest, it will be easier to move furniture now that he’s got Jaehyun and Sangyeon’s arms to carry things because although Chanhee likes to brag that he’s actually stronger than he looks, he still isn’t very strong. So, while the oldest two move and pick furniture up, Chanhee and Changmin dust and mop the floors. 

They settled for an early 2000s playlist that takes them back to village parties and car rides to the movies when they were younger. 

“Oh my God,” Chanhee hears as he and Jaehyun clean his and his brother’s old bedroom. Sangyeon and Changmin are currently tackling the guest room that no one will probably use, but you never know. 

“What?” he turns around to look at his friend and he sees him with something in his hand. “What’s that?” 

“Ouch,” he chuckles, walking towards Chanhee and handing it to him, and he remembers then. “I can’t believe you left it here, all these years!” Jaehyun chuckles. 

“I—Wow, I totally forgot about this,” he laughs, spinning the old BlackBerry case in his hands. The silicone is sticky from time and heat, but it’s still a nice memory. “I guess I left it here because—Yeah, I got a new phone that last summer,” Chanhee explains, putting it back in the drawer where it probably was. 

Jaehyun and he had the same phone years ago and they bought the same case at one of the stalls at the beach shops, and the cases had two pieces in different colors, so they thought it’d be fun to switch them, so they did. And Chanhee kept Jaehyun’s.

“Do you still have yours?” Chanhee asks, and his friend chuckles. 

“Probably, yeah. But I surely didn’t abandon it here!” Chanhee just shakes his head as his friend goes back to cleaning the drawers in his closet so he can unpack later. “How come your brother didn’t make it this time?” And it was bound to come up at some point. Even if his brother was many years older than them, he was always here when they were, too. And the same way Jaehyun’s older sister sometimes hang out with them so did Chanhee’s brother. 

“He… Yeah, he’s on a trip on his own,” Chanhee manages to say, trying not to sound too bitter, not wanting to make Jaehyun uncomfortable for asking. And apparently, it works, because he just nods and carries on with what he was doing. 

“We’re done over there,” Changmin says, walking into the room, closely followed by their hyung. “Is this the only room left?” Chanhee nods. 

“You guys can head home if you want, you’ve already done a lot–” he starts but gets cut off. 

“Nonsense, we came to help! Might as well see the work through,” Jaehyun chuckles. “Can you believe Chanhee here left my BlackBerry case behind all these years?” He tells them as if he’s actually hurt by it, pulling it back out of the drawer. 

“Oh, wow. I can’t believe he kept it at all,” Changmin laughs. 

“Well, duh, because it’s Jaehyun’s,” Sangyeon says like it’s supposed to mean something, and Chanhee’s not sure if it does. In fact, no one in the room seems to, which is why he has to explain himself. “You guys were always together back then, and we always said that Chanhee was always Jaehyun’s favorite, and vice versa,” he shrugs. “So… it makes sense to me that they both kept it.” 

“They were always bickering, though,” Changmin laughs, and Chanhee does remember that. But it was friendly bickering. It’s true that they used to hang out the most because most of their friends don’t live in the same block as them, so it was just them sometimes, or at least until the rest would come. 

“I mean, I had a Wii and you guys didn’t, of course, I was his favorite,” Chanhee brings it up again, and Jaehyun groans while the other two boys laugh, but when he looks over at Jaehyun, he’s smiling as well, cheeks a bit red from the effort of cleaning and the heat of the room, even though the windows have been opened since they arrived this morning. 

Chanhee hears the keys in the door signaling that his parents have arrived, all of them turning around towards the door at the same time it’s comical and brings him back to all those years ago when they would have to put away snacks whenever their parents arrived from the beach. 

“Chanhee, honey, help us out with the bags, please!” he hears his mom call from the door, and before he can even move, the other three bodies are heading that way. “Oh! That’s—Hello!” His mother chuckles at the sight of three guys taking bags from her hands. 

“Good to see you again, Mrs. Choi!” they all say, and by the time Chanhee makes it to the kitchen, all the bags are already there. 

“You guys have grown up a lot,” his father says this time. “I still remember you running around and waking me up from my naps years ago,” and they all laugh at that, guilty. 

“We came to help Chanhee out a little bit so you guys could rest properly today,” Jaehyun smiles, emptying the bags on the counter. Chanhee will handle the organization of that later. 

“Thank you so much,” his mother says. “come over one of these days and we’ll make you dinner as a thank you!” 

“Oh, there’s no need,” Sangyeon is quick to say. “We’re just glad that you came back!” Chanhee’s mother looks at him and smiles. 

“We should get going now, though,” Changmin says, checking the time. “But we’re gonna be meeting up at the beach later tonight if you wanna come,” he looks at Chanhee. 

“I’ll let you know, I’m a bit tired,” he admits, not wanting to agree to go and then fall asleep at 10 PM. 

“No worries, just let us know!” Jaehyun says and probably can tell by his face that he has no way of contacting them anymore. “You changed your number?” 

“I didn’t, but I lost all of yours,” he says. To be fair, he’s not sure if he lost them or deleted them in one of his ‘let me delete contacts of people that I’m probably never going to see anymore’ sprees. It doesn’t matter, anyway. The thing is, he doesn’t have them. 

“I’ll text you later, then,” Jaehyun smiles at him before he turns around to say goodbye to his parents along with Sangyeon and Changmin. 

“And thank you again for helping!” Chanhee says from the door as they go down the stairs. 

“See you later, maybe!” Changmin tells him as he waves goodbye. Chanhee closes the door and goes back to the kitchen where his parents are organizing the groceries. 

“How nice of them to come and help out!” His mother says and he nods, smiling. “You should go out later, treat yourself! You worked very hard today,” and hugs him. “But first, head to the shower, we’ve got this, and you need it,” she says making Chanhee laughs. 

“Wow, thanks, mom,” he chuckles, shaking his head and heading towards the bathroom. There are few things he hates more than to sweat, so he makes sure that he gets all of it off him in the shower, smelling fresh and feeling much better now. However, the shower also makes him even more sleepy, so he’s not sure he’ll be joining the boys at all tonight. 

But he has all summer, after all. 

(...) 

He’s done with dinner and still debating whether or not he should meet with the guys even for a little bit at the beach when his phone lights up with an unknown number, but it doesn’t take a genius to guess who’s it from, so he saves the contact even before he reads the full message. 

Jaehyun:

So?? Will the Prince be gracing us, peasants, with his presence tonight?

(It’s Jaehyun btw)

Yeah I guessed by your pfp haha

Is that your nephew??

So cute

Thank you very much I try my best 

And yeah that’s Jihyeon

So?? Are you coming? I can pick you up and we can go together

I’m almost done

And Chanhee thinks about it again. What’s the harm in going for a bit? It’s been long enough since he saw his friends, and he can just hang out for a bit and head back once he’s tired because they said they were going to be by the beach, so the walk back shouldn’t take too long. 

Sure, yeah

I’ll get ready

Wait by the pool I’ll meet you there

Okay, great! 

See you :]

And there’s something endearing about the fact that Jaehyun still uses that smiley face, even in the age of emojis and all. 

Since he showered earlier before dinner, he just gets dressed in something a bit more appropriate than his PJs and fixes his hair a little bit, and checks the time. Jaehyun sent him a text informing him that he was already down by the pool five minutes ago, so he tries to hurry, not wanting to make his friend wait. 

His parents are watching TV in the living room when he walks past. 

“Are you going out in the end?” His mother asks, and she sounds glad. 

“Yeah, just for a bit. You’ll probably still be up by the time I get back,” he chuckles as he looks for his keys. He remembers getting them out of his bag when he unpacked. 

“Well, don’t worry about that and have fun, son,” his dad tells him. 

“Okay, well, good night,” he offers them both a smile before he opens the door and heads out into the night. 

The humidity is strong especially at night over here, and that’s something that he hadn’t missed, even if back at home it’s also humid, but not this much. 

He can feel the salt in the air stick to his skin and clothes, he can taste it on his tongue. 

Chanhee walks down the stairs to the pool and finds Jaehyun there, as he said he was. He has his back turned to where Chanhee is coming from, and he almost considers pushing him inside the pool, even if it could get them in trouble because it’s not allowed to swim unsupervised, and obviously, nobody is supervising it at this hour. 

The light from the swimming pool casts a glow on him that makes him look ethereal somehow as if he was a supernatural creature like a mermaid or a fairy. 

Chanhee misses a step as he heads there and that announces his arrival before he can even do it himself, making Jaehyun turn around and greet him with a smile. 

“Hey,” he starts walking towards Chanhee. “Are you alright?” he chuckles. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Chanhee responds, embarrassed. “Sorry I made you wait.” 

“It’s alright,” Jaehyun opens the door and meets him, the smile never leaving his lips. “Let’s go? I’m pretty sure at least three people are already there,” he says, and Chanhee nods, nervous for some reason. 

On the one hand, he does feel as if no time has passed between them, but on the other, he’s constantly reminded of everything he’s missed in the time that he hasn’t been here, and he feels as if he’s a stranger getting to meet his friends all over again because he doubts most of them are the same people they were the last time he saw them. Hell, not even Chanhee is the same as he was. 

“Are you alright?” Jaehyun asks again, and Chanhee’s about to repeat himself when he looks at him and sees in his eyes that this time he means something different. “If you were tired, you could’ve just told me, I wouldn’t have minded and the boys wouldn’t have either, you know?” he offers him a warm smile. Chanhee almost misses the way they used to bicker around each other. 

“I know, and I did want to come! I’m just—I guess it’s a bit intimidating, being back.” And Jaehyun frowns, slowing his pace as if to allow Chanhee to be able to speak his mind freely before they joined everyone else. He appreciates it. He’s not sure if Jaehyun did it on purpose or not, but either way. 

“How do you mean?” he asks him. 

“I mean… it’s been so long,” Chanhee chuckles. “I guess it feels like… I don’t know… Like I have to meet you guys all over again if that makes sense?” He sighs, but Jaehyun doesn’t interrupt him. “And I keep thinking what if they don’t like me anymore? Or what if they don’t actually want me there? ”

“Well, that’s nonsense,” Jaehyun reassures him, and he almost sounds offended. “We do want you there, or else we wouldn’t have invited you, don’t you think?” he chuckles a bit. “I understand what you mean, though, but I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. Nothing much has changed since you left, you’ll see when we get there. But if at any point you want to leave or whatever, feel free to do so. After all, the past doesn’t bind you with any of us, so don’t force yourself to… be stuck with us if you don’t want to.” And Chanhee now feels bad that Jaehyun feels that way, even if indirectly.

“As long as you guys want me there, I think I’ll be okay,” he reassures him with a smile, and Jaehyun nods along. 

“Well, we do. I do, for sure,” and Chanhee smiles at him, and just to protect his own heart that seems to be speeding up, he bumps his shoulder against Jaehyun hard enough to move him a bit, and he laughs. “Oh, is that what we’re doing? I’m not sure you can handle it if I retaliate,” he teases, and Chanhee hadn’t thought that through. 

“Yeah, actually, on second thought, I’m not doing that again,” and Jaehyun laughs at that. “What did you get so buff for anyway? Are you planning to become a firefighter or something like that? I thought you wanted to be a banker like your dad.” 

“And I did! I mean, I do, I am on the way to doing that, actually,” he chuckles. “But someone has to protect the bank if someone ever comes to rob it, right?” he shrugs and Chanhee rolls his eyes. 

“Right, always the superhero, Lee Jaehyun,” and this feels more familiar. He’s starting to feel more at ease just by having Jaehyun around, so he’ll probably stick by his side the entire night. “No, but for real, you look so… much bigger than the last time I saw you, I kinda miss your noodle arms and legs, you were just like me.” 

“I can’t believe you just called me fat!” And Chanhee gasps, laughing right after. 

“I did—I did not! Don’t twist my words, I legit just said you looked good and buff!” And all Jaehyun does is laugh along with him. Before he notices, they’re already at the beach and on the way to the bar where they’re meeting the rest of their friends. 

“You look good too, by the way, noodle arms and legs and all,” Jaehyun bumps his shoulder against Chanhee’s this time and, even if Chanhee can tell that he barely used any force, he still destabilizes him, but Jaehyun is quick and grabs his arm so he doesn’t bump into anyone or actually fall. 

“Always the superhero,” Chanhee teases him again, feeling how warm his touch is against his skin before it disappears like a sunburnt, somehow still leaving a mark after it’s gone. 

“Just like old times, Jaehyun and Chanhee being late,” Chanhee hears a voice so deep that he has to look for the source and is shocked when he sees who it belongs to.

“Haknyeon? What happened to your voice?!” He finds himself saying, making everybody at the table laugh. Chanhee wasn’t aware that they’d arrived already and hadn’t even seen any of the people at the table either. 

“Puberty,” his friend says before he stands up and heads to hug him. Chanhee still remembers how he looked last time. Haknyeon was the youngest among the group, so they always babied him. And now he’s pretty sure he’s got the deepest voice at the table. 

“You grew up so much, wow,” Chanhee chuckles as he hugs him. He takes a look at the table and sees Sangyeon and Changmin again, sees a few faces he doesn’t recognize, but there are other two that he does. 

Juyeon and Younghoon hug him as well, and they’re both so tall it’s unfair, just like Jaehyun. 

“You three could be models or something,” Chanhee tells them as they sit down. They left them two chairs side by side at the table and Chanhee’s grateful, still feeling like he needs Jaehyun’s presence to be at ease. 

“What do you think, hyung, should we?” Juyeon asks and Younghoon just rolls his eyes. Chanhee feels like he missed the joke somehow, and that’s something that he’s going to have to get used to because a lot of inside jokes will have occurred in the past… how long has it even been? Ten years? 

Introductions are made with the rest of the people at the table. Changmin introduces Sunwoo, his boyfriend of a year and a half. Chanhee almost squeaks in excitement at the thought that he’s not the only gay person in the room. Kevin, Eric, and Jacob are also new to Chanhee, they came a few years ago from America with their families for the summer and have been returning every year since. 

“Did the girls stop coming as well?” Chanhee asks Jaehyun at one point, because back when they were kids there was a group of girls that used to hang out with them as well, and when Jaehyun told him that he was the only one that disappeared, he was expecting them to be there as well.

“Oh, no, we still see them sometimes, but… you know—we stopped hanging out together after a while. Now it’s just us boys,” he chuckles. “I’m gonna go get us something to drink since these assholes already ordered,” Jaehyun says loud enough for them to hear, and there are some complaints around the table about how maybe if you’ve arrived on time that make Chanhee smile. “Want anything?” and Chanhee shakes his head. 

“Well, actually, yeah, get me strawberry soda with a tiny bit of gin, please,” Jaehyun smiles and Chanhee frowns. “What?”

“Nothing, that’s just so… you,” he chuckles. “Be right back, then.” And he heads inside the bar and Chanhee sees him wait at the counter for the drinks. Sangyeon, who’s sitting on his other side, seems to notice him staring and leans in to whisper something to him. 

“He took it the hardest, you know? Missed you the most,” and Chanhee turns around to look at him with a frown. “Every year when his family arrived, he’d go to your apartment to see if you were there yet. The first year he kept going for like a month until he eventually stopped. You could’ve at least told us you wouldn’t be coming back for a few years,” and Chanhee can see that he’s had a bit to drink already, which is why he’s probably saying that. Or maybe he just wanted him to know and wanted the bubbles in his chest to get worse. 

“It’s not like I knew, either,” Chanhee says. “Things just… got a bit hard for us, and my mom had to pick extra shifts at work and they were always in summer, so we… had to stay,” he shrugs. “Trust me, I’m pretty sure I’m the one that took it the hardest,” he lets out a dry chuckle as he looks up and sees Jaehyun coming back with the drinks. He’s not sure if anyone else around the table heard the chat between him and Sangyeon because they all seem to be engrossed in conversations of their own, but something shatters in Chanhee’s chest at imagining Jaehyun running to his door every year and knocking only for no one to answer for ten years. Or as many years as it took for him to give it up. And he can’t help but compare it to how he came this morning. That’s why he was so happy to see him: the door finally opened. 

“There you go. He was very subtle with the gin, so I don’t think you’re going to taste it at all,” Jaehyun chuckles, handing Chanhee his drink and sitting back down. 

“Thanks,” Chanhee says, suddenly feeling like he needs something stronger than this. It’s not like he likes getting drunk and he does it often, in fact, he’s pretty sure he never has drunk that much, but maybe he needs it now to erase the information Sangyeon just shared with him from his mind. “How much is it?” He asks but Jaehyun just waves him off. 

“Welcome back gift, it’s on me,” he smiles at him and clicks their glasses. “To Choi Chanhee, who after so long finally returned to us!” He says, lifting his glass for everyone else to join the toast, and Chanhee feels his cheeks burn at the sudden attention, so he almost chugs his whole drink in one go. Jaehyun was right, he can barely taste the gin, and he likes it better like this. “Don’t get used to the special treatment, though, from tomorrow on you’re just one of us,” Jaehyun chuckles, leaning back to be at eye-to-eye level with Chanhee. He almost wants to punch him for it. 

“I didn’t want any special treatment to begin with, though,” he chuckles and can’t help but follow the movement of Jaehyun’s tongue as it wets his lips before he takes another sip of his drink. 

“How lucky that you still got it, hm?” And he adds a wink just because he’s evil. After that, someone makes a comment on how he didn’t get a welcome back party after he missed two summers due to college exams and the topic changes entirely away from Chanhee, which he’s grateful for because he just wants to kind of be there and not be paid attention to. And he’s also far too exhausted to engage in any conversation with his old friends and catch up. 

“I think I’m gonna head back,” he tells Jaehyun after a while, the scent of his cologne is still strong after a few hours. 

“Want me to walk back with you?” he asks, already ready to stand up, but Chanhee shakes his head as he chuckles. 

“I know the way, don’t worry. You can stay with the rest, it’s fine. I’d stay if I weren’t so exhausted,” he admits, because truthfully, he was having a good time hearing the rest talking and telling stories from their past adventures that he missed. He just needs to sleep for at least twelve hours straight. 

“Okay,” Jaehyun says, and maybe it’s the few drops of gin that were on his drink (it most definitely is not) but Chanhee thinks he can hear a hint of disappointment in his voice. 

“Alright, everyone, I’m going home,” Chanhee announces, standing up. There are a few complaints from his friends, telling him to stay a bit longer since they’ll probably head back soon anyway, but Changmin and Sangyeon who know what he’s been up to all day, calm them down.

“Rest well, we’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Changmin says, and Chanhee nods. 

“Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow!” And with a collective wave, he makes his way back home. It takes far less than it did to get to the bar, and Chanhee smiles remembering how Jaehyun slowed their pace so they could talk comfortably. 

He makes it to the block of buildings and sees that the lights are off in his apartment as he expected, and there’s another pang on his chest thinking this is how it looked when Jaehyun came here all those years ago looking for him. 

Stop thinking about that, he tells himself, but he fails miserably, of course. 

He gets in as quietly as he can manage and goes into his room. It feels too big now that it’s only for him, and he has a passing thought that maybe he could change it and remove his brother’s bed since he won’t be using it anymore, but then he remembers that there’s no point since they’re going to be selling the place at the end of the summer anyway. 

It makes him sad to think about, how these walls will be someone else’s home from next year on, how people will make memories there that will replace his own, but unfortunately, they don’t have another choice. They need the money to pay the debts that his brother left upon them. Chanhee had to drop out of school and start working as well to make some extra since their mom couldn’t continue working anymore because of her back pains, so she retired early and his father’s salary wasn’t enough to pay for the losses that his brother caused. 

So, desperate times called for desperate measures, so that’s where they’re at. 

Chanehee sighs and jumps back into his PJs and into bed, the sound of the sea proving as a beautiful lullaby that starts to pull him to sleep as he checks his phone and sees that Jaehyun added him to a group chat called “The Boyz” and he can’t help but laugh at the name. It’s funny, he likes it. He also sees that he texted him again. 

Jaehyun:

Did you make it home alright? 

I hope it wasn’t too bad and you weren't too uncomfortable with us 

Yeah I hated it 

(since texts can’t convey tone I am obliged to say that this is a joke)

I’m home now yeah

It was fun :)

Thanks for the drink and everything else too

No need to thank me

I’m just happy you’re here again

I missed you a lot Chani

It’s good to have you back

Now rest, you did well today :]

See you tomorrow <3

Get home safely too!!

And I did miss you guys as well, felt good to be back

Good night :) 

And he locks his phone after that and puts it facing down on the bedside table so the light doesn’t bother him, even though the window is open to let the breeze in and it will probably wake him up in the morning, but it’s fine. 

He’s fine.
He’s home. 

(...) 

He gets woken up by the seagulls that sound like they’re screaming in his ear. He grunts and tries to cover his head with the pillow, but it’s pointless. There’s no way he’s going back to sleep now.

The sun is already up, so he might as well join him. 

The apartment is quiet aside from the noises from outside, and he wonders if his mother beat him to it and woke up before he did. 

He still feels tired, because it usually takes him a while to get used to a new bed, so he didn’t manage to rest much, but it’s alright. 

He heads to the kitchen and, although it’s empty, there’s a lingering coffee smell which indicates that his mother did beat him to it. The familiar sound of his father’s snores tells him that it was only her that awoke already. 

He makes some coffee for himself and has something to eat before he decides to go down to the beach and find his mother. 

Last night he didn’t really get to see the beach because it was too dark, but feeling the sand under his feet is a familiar tickle that makes him smile. 

There are already a few people there, even this early, but he still spots his mom easily and goes to join her.

“Good morning,” Chanhee says, and she shows her face from under the hat that was covering her face from the sun. 

“Oh, hello, honey!” She smiles and incorporates a bit. “You’re up early.” 

“It’s not like I had much of a choice,” he chuckles and sits down in the sand by her side. “How long have you been here for?” 

“A little bit,” she says. “The birds woke me up, you know I’m a light sleeper,” and he chuckles, nodding. That’s where he got it from. “How was it yesterday? Did you have fun? Was everyone there?” 

“It was alright!” Chanhee says, repositioning to match his mother’s posture, even though he’ll be covered in sand by the end of it. But it feels soft and cool against his skin, still too early for it to scorch the way it will a few hours from now. “All the boys were, yeah, and some new faces that I hadn’t met yet, but they were very nice.” And even with his eyes closed, he can sense that his mother has turned around to look at him as if expecting more from his answer. “What? You’re such a gossipy lady, mom. Retirement isn’t treating you well,” and she hits him with her hat, making him laugh. 

“I just—I’m curious! It’s been a while, so it probably wasn’t easy for you.”

“Yeah, it was—I was a bit scared at first, but Jaehyun and I went together from home and he managed to calm me down enough.” 

“ Ah, Jaehyun,” she says with a specific tone that makes Chanhee turn to look at her this time. 

“What?” He asks, and she just smiles. 

“Nothing, he’s just very sweet, that’s all. He really grew up well,” and Chanhee doesn’t need this after the fact that he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what Sangyeon said yesterday. So, he stays quiet, letting the sound of the waves speak for him. “I was gonna go visit his parents later to say hello if you want to come with me,” and he still stays quiet. Jaehyun did invite him to go and meet his nephew, but he still would feel bad showing up like that without a warning. Mothers don’t seem to be like that, though, because he’s sure Jaehyun’s mother as well as his own wouldn’t mind if the other showed up unannounced. “Chanhee? Did you fall asleep?” 

He wishes. 

(...) 

He walks up and down the shore with his mother, seeing how the beach starts filling up as the minutes go by, and they both eventually head back home to find his father having some breakfast. 

“I was wondering where you two were,” he says with a smile, even though he probably had a pretty accurate guess. “Good morning.” 

“Morning, dad,” Chanhee heads past him to take a sip of water. That long in the sun without drinking isn’t healthy at all. “You can head to the shower first if you want, mom,” he tells her, because after all, unlike him, she did get in the water. 

“Okay, I’ll be quick,” and she heads to one of the bathrooms. Even though there are two in the apartment, they can’t shower at the same time because the boiler won’t work then, and although he doesn’t usually mind cold showers in summer, he’d rather not have her mother freeze if he can wait a little bit. 

“Any plans for today?” Chanhee asks his father as the older man finishes his breakfast. 

“Not really, no. Probably just go to the beach later with your mother again, maybe visit some old pals to see how they’re doing,” and Chanhee nods. “You? Meeting with your friends again?” 

“Still not sure, but possibly,” he nods. “Although I might need a nap first, I didn’t sleep too well last night,” he chuckles. 

“Did you come home very late?” Chanhee shakes his head. “The room felt too big?” and the implications in his words are enough for Chanhee to sigh. 

“Felt big enough,” is what he says. 

He knows his parents worry about him and how he reacted to the whole situation with his brother, but he’s fine. Sure, he was the person he looked up to the most, even if they had petty fights and arguments like most siblings do. And this just… it was a huge disappointment. But he knew what he had to do. Even if he’s the youngest, he’d have to step up and be the mature one in the situation and figure something out, so he did. Maybe once his brother comes back, they can fix things. But until then, Chanhee will act as if the room where he sleeps has another bed in case someone else comes, not because someone used to sleep on it. 

“Well, try to get some sleep after your shower, then,” his father tells him, and he just nods. 

They sit in silence for a while, his father taking sips of his coffee and Chanhee checking his phone, reading some messages on the group chat from last night, seeing if anyone set any plans for today and seeing that, so far, there’s nothing set.

But, if they’re still the same, they’ll come up with plans on the spot, so Chanhee will have to get used to having someone knock on his door or call him at random times to invite him for a plan. 

For now, though, he’ll shower and try to get some more sleep. 

(...) 

Chanhee feels like he’s twelve again and his mother is dragging him to one of his mother’s friends' houses without him wanting to. Of course, it’s not that dramatic because he does know the family, but he still feels out of place being there as they wait for the door to open. 

Chanhee can hear a child’s voice from the inside and he smiles, trying to remember the name Jaehyun told him. Jihyeon, he remembers. 

The door opens and it’s Jaehyun’s sister.

“Oh! Hi!” She smiles looking at him and his mom. His father chose to stay making lunch while they visited, and Chanhee offered to stay with him, but mom wanted him to join him, so here he is. 

“Hello, Jaein!” His mom says. “How are you?”

“Good, good, I’m—” but she gets interrupted by a sweet voice coming from behind. 

“Mommy, who is it?” the kid asks, and Chanhee’s mother gasps. She always loved kids. Chanhee almost laughs at how she’s pretending to be surprised at the kid as if Chanhee hadn’t already told her. 

“Come say hi, Jihyeon,” Jaein says, and the kid shyly approaches the door and bows at them, politely saying hello. Chanhee can see the resemblance between both Jihyeon and Jaein and Jaehyun as well. He’s a Lee through and through. 

“Hello, Jihyeon! I’m Mrs. Choi and this is my son Chanhee!” His mother says, and Chanhee waves at the kid when he looks at him, hiding behind his mother’s legs. 

“Who is it, Jaein?” another voice comes from the inside, and this time it’s a more familiar one. He sounds like he just woke up not too long ago, and Chanhee wouldn’t be surprised. Jaehyun always liked sleeping in even when their curfew was midnight. “Oh, you came!” He smiles when he spots Chanhee. “Mom! Mrs. Choi’s at the door,” and followed by a loud bang from the kitchen, Jaehyun’s mother comes out and her smile is so bright as she rushes to hug Chanhee’s mom. It makes his heart warm, they used to be such good friends, too. 

“Come in, come in,” Jaein tells him as well, and he does, letting her close the door behind him. 

“Uncle Jaehyun, is this your friend?” the little boy asks Jaehyun once the ‘kids’, or at least the ‘used-to-be-kids’ are left alone as their mothers catch up.

“Yeah! Remember I told you about him?” Jaehyun says, picking him up in his arms as if he weighed nothing. And a passing thought crosses through Chanhee’s mind that maybe he can lift more at the gym. It suddenly feels too hot for some reason. The little boy nods and something softer takes over him instead at the thought that Jaehyun has talked to this kid about him enough for him to remember. Or maybe he just talked to him yesterday and that’s why he remembers. Either way, it makes him smile. 

“Nice to meet you!” Chanhee says, leaning closer and smiling when the kid hugs Jaehyun even more. 

“He’s a bit shy at first, but once he’s comfortable around you, you’ll wish he wasn’t,” Jaein chuckles, hand through her son’s hair. 

“I can’t believe you have a kid, that’s crazy,” Chanhee tells her and she chuckles. 

“I know, right? A lot happened since the last time you were around here,” she smiles. “But it’s good to have you back. I had to ask this one over here why he was so happy yesterday, thought maybe he actually managed to catch a fish or something,” she chuckles. 

“A fish? I thought you got seasick in boats,” Chanhee turns to look back at Jaehyun and he catches as he death-glares his sister before he faces Chanhee again. 

“I do, yeah. But sometimes Sangyeon hyung and Juyeon like to go fishing so I join them,” he shrugs. 

“You should’ve told us you were coming and we would’ve made more food!” Chanhee hears Jaehyun’s mother say.

“Oh, nonsense, Minhyuk is making lunch. We can arrange it for some other time! We just wanted to come and say hi!” His own mother smiles. 

“Ah, I’m so glad to have you here. When Jaehyunie told us we couldn’t believe it!” 

“Here, go down buddy,” Jaehyun tells his nephew and puts him down. “Come with me, I wanna show you something,” he tells Chanhee and starts walking towards what Chanhee remembers to be his room. “I figured that our moms are gonna be talking for a while, so we might as well hide in here until they finish,” he chuckles, closing the door after Chanhee, and even his room has changed. 

Of course, Chanhee didn’t expect it to still have Pokémon stickers and superhero posters. Although he wouldn’t have blamed him if he did. 

“I don’t think mom intended to stay long, though,” Chanhee says, going to sit on his bed anyway. It’s bigger now. He remembers when they barely fit in his old one, kicking each other until one of them fell to the floor so loudly that Jaehyun’s mother would come in. 

“Yeah, well, she is now,” and Chanhee knows he’s right. “Mom is probably going to want to know everything that she missed while you all were gone,” and Chanhee feels bad that he left her alone. He hopes that Chanwoo doesn’t come up in conversations. 

“What did you want to show me? Or did you just want me to come to your room?” and he realizes after he’s said it that it sounds more flirtatious than he intended. Well, he didn’t intend for it to sound flirtatious at all. 

“And what if I did?” Jaehyun smirks and Chanhee knows he’s teasing him, but his heart still skips a beat. “Look what I found,” he says and gets something from his desk. He must’ve had it ready to take with him for the next time they saw each other because Chanhee recognizes it right away. “Looks like I still had it, too,” he chuckles as he hands Chanhee his own BlackBerry case. 

“Well, this one’s in much better condition,” he chuckles because at least it’s not sticky like his was. “Should I take it back?” he asks, but Jaehyun rips it off his fingers the second he says it. 

“No way. What if you disappear again and this is the only reminder I have left that you actually existed?” Chanhee rolls his eyes at his comment. 

“You’re so dramatic. You had my number all these years and you still didn’t text me,” Chanhee says, and Jaehyun is quiet at that, which makes him frown. “What’s wrong?” 

“I just… I guess I never knew if you wanted me to.” 

“And why wouldn’t I?” Chanhee asks, even more confused this time. 

It’s true that it was some sort of unspoken rule they had that once they left this place, they hardly ever spoke to each other until they came back. It’s not like they lived separate lives here than each of them lived back in their homes, but for some reason, it just never happened. Everyone had their own life and friends back home and no one felt the need to check on each other throughout the year.

But, to be fair, life had got so hectic for him that year they didn’t come for the first time that he didn’t even think about reaching out to any of them. Besides, he’s pretty sure he lost all their contacts when he got his new phone. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want them to talk to him. 

“Never mind,” is what Jaehyun says, and it’s cryptic enough that it makes Chanhee curious, and his face must say as much because Jaehyun sighs. “I just thought maybe I’d done something, I don’t know.” 

“How would—Jaehyun, why would you even think that? What could you have done?” and he tries to remember. Tries to remember that last summer, but nothing particularly stands out. Or maybe it’s because he can’t really tell years apart, all his memories are kind of bundled together in his mind. But he’s pretty sure if something had happened, he’d remember. 

“Doesn’t matter, I’m just glad that I was wrong,” and Chanhee can feel in his response that he doesn’t want to talk about it, so he stops pushing. He still hopes one day he tells him, though. 

“It was just… my grandma got sick that year and we had to spend the summer back there because mom had to stay in the hospital with her. She passed a few years ago, and my grandpa did as well. Mom had to start taking extra shifts at the hospital and, you know, we just could never come.”

“And why did you manage to come this year?” Jaehyun asks, and Chanhee considers telling him. Maybe it will do him good to let it go. It’s not like it’s a secret. Everyone that was invited to the wedding knows what happened. 

“Well, mom retired last year, so she wasn’t working anymore. I dropped out of college and started working but the place I was working at closed for the summer so I could come as well and… well, we wanted to have one last summer here before we sell the apartment,” and Jaehyun’s eyes open wide. 

“What?!” Chanhee’s smile is sad. “What do—Why?” 

“You asked where my brother was yesterday,” Chanhee starts and he sees the screws turn in his brain, the horror on his face as he waits for Chanhee to continue. “My brother got engaged last year and he was supposed to marry last spring. He didn’t. Called the whole thing off a few weeks before the wedding once everything had been paid and decided to go on a spiritual trip or some shit. He left us with all his debt and… since we barely came here anymore, it was the best choice.” The shock on Jaehyun’s face is evident after he’s done talking. 

“Fuck, that’s… that’s horrible, I’m so sorry, about all of it,” he says, and before Chanhee can do anything about it, he’s hugging him. “That must have been so hard for you, I’m sorry.” 

Chanhee feels choked up for some reason. It’s not often that he allows himself to cry about this, because he never wants to give his brother the pleasure, but right here, in Jaehyun’s arms, hearing his words, he thinks he might. 

“Thanks,” is what he says, hugging him back. “It fucking sucked, yeah.” 

“Well, if you ever want to come back here next summer, my bed is now big enough for both of us to fit,” he smiles, pulling away and Chanhee chuckles, nodding. “I can’t believe someone else is gonna be living in your house now. That’ll be weird…” 

“Yeah, I know…” and silence takes over them until the door opens and Jaein informs them that Mrs. Lee seems to finally have agreed to let Chanhee’s mom go for now. 

“Oh, by the way, we’re meeting up later. Apparently, Eric’s uncle owns a boat or something and we’re going to swim in the sea a bit, if you’re up for it,” Jaehyun tells him before he leaves. 

“Again, don’t you get sick in boats?” Chanhee chuckles as they head back to the living room. 

“I’ll be fine,” Jaehyun smiles. “Please, come? It’ll be fun, you can be a mermaid or merman or whatever the term is,” he smiles. 

“Fine, I’ll go, but I can’t promise I’ll actually jump off the boat at all,” he says and Jaehyun smiles so widely it’s blinding. 

“Cool, see you later, then! We’re meeting up at 6, I think. Once the sun isn’t as strong anymore. But check the group chat, Eric will probably confirm it there whenever his uncle tells him.”

“Okay, see you,” he says and Chanhee also says goodbye to the rest of Jaehyun’s family. Including his father and brother-in-law that seem to have come back from shopping. 

“You have plans for today, then?” His mother asks Chanhee on the way back to their place. 

“Looks like it.” 

(...)

It ends up being closer to 7 PM when they agreed to meet up by the docks. But, as he should’ve seen coming, Jaehyun is waiting for him downstairs when he goes down so they can go together. 

“You really did miss me, huh?” Chanhee teases him.

“Shut up, it’s just convenient and I left my headphones at home so I’d rather not walk in silence all the way there.” And Chanhee just nods, smiling still as they start walking towards their meeting spot. “In fact, we’re going to be picking some other people up along the way,” he informs him. 

“Oh, so I’m not special? Sangyeon hyung said I was your favorite,” and maybe Chanhee’s pushing his buttons a bit too much, but it’s funny. The bickering is familiar. Jaehyun just glares at him in response. 

And it’s true that on their way, they pass by some of the other boys' houses, so they end up pretty much going all together like a gang. It feels like they’re teenagers again instead of past their twenties. 

“Eric said that the boat was by the end of the docks, right?” Younghoon asks as they walk there. Surprisingly, all of them made it today as well. What surprises Chanhee the most is not that they all wanted to join, is that most of them, like Jaehyun, get seasick easily. 

“Did you bring the pills, hyung?” Changmin asks Jaehyun at one point as they get there, and Jaehyun takes a box of motion sickness prevention pills and shakes it in front of his face. 

“Thank God, I ran out,” Younghoon says a few steps ahead of them. 

“I have enough for us all, don’t worry,” he chuckles, putting them back. “It’s like giving out candy to kids, really,” Jaehyun tells Chanhee this time. Because even though all of them are there, they still seem to be attached to the hip. 

“Guys!” They hear Eric’s voice from a few boats away, waving at them. 

“Oh, wow, is his uncle rich?” Chanhee asks because the boat is big. 

“I think he rents it or something, not sure,” Jaehyun whispers back to him. 

“Eric, this is sick!” Sunwoo says. From what Chanhee gathered yesterday, they’re the same age, and they seem to get along really well. 

All of them do. Chanhee hopes he can blend in naturally and not feel like he sticks out like a sore thumb among them after his return. So far, so good, though. 

“All aboard!” The youngest says, signaling at the boat, but before they step foot inside, Jaehyun passes along the box of pills for anyone that might want some, and even though Chanhee doesn’t tend to get sick, he still takes it. Better safe than miserable and sorry. 

“Careful, the step is a bit high,” Eric warns them as they start getting on board. Sangyeon almost falls to the water, which would have been hilarious if it weren’t so dirty from the boats. 

“Here, hold my hand,” Jaehyun says, having stepped up before Chanhee did, and offering it to him. Chanhee’s brain shortcircuits for a moment, staring at him and not moving. “Chanhee?” he chuckles. “Are you afraid?” And although he shakes his head, something inside him does feel scary. “Come on, I won’t let you fall, I promise,” Jaehyun’s words aren’t really helping, so to at least shut him up and stop having him stare at him, he reaches out and holds his hand, taking a leap towards the boat and almost crashing against Jaehyun’s chest when he lands. “There, see? You didn’t fall,” Jaehyun says, not having taken a step back, nor letting go of his hand. 

They eventually do, so they can let Juyeon and Haknyeon get on board as well, and Chanhee’s still racking his brain trying to figure out why holding his childhood best friend’s hand felt like something more than that. 

“Everyone ready?” Eric asks from the top floor where his uncle will be steering the boat. After a collective ‘yeah’, the boat starts moving. Chanhee thinks that the feeling at the pick of his stomach right now could’ve been mistaken for nausea or seasickness if he hadn’t taken the pills earlier. But he’ll choose not to think about it too much as the boat makes its way towards the ocean. 

“Will we see dolphins?” Changmin asks as he looks at the water, practically trying to summon them into existence. 

“I doubt it, we’ve never seen them whenever we’ve gone out fishing,” Sangyeon responds to him. 

“That’s disappointing,” Younghoon points out from next to Chanhee. They all have the safety vests on but Younghoon is still holding onto the boat as if he was scared he’d suddenly fly off it. 

“You alright, hyung?” Chanhee asks him and his friend smiles. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be better once we slow down, though,” he tells him. Chanhee remembers he was never good on roller coasters at the town fairs, either. 

“Haven’t changed that much, huh?” And Younghoon shakes his head. 

“Most of us haven’t,” he shrugs, and it’s so clear that it’s true that it’s refreshing. 

“So! Mr. Choi, how has life been away from ours?” Haknyeon asks. After all, last night he barely felt like saying anything. 

“Far less chaotic, I’m sure,” Juyeon pitches in and there’s a bittersweet pang on his chest. From the corner of his eye, he sees Jaehyun turning to him with a look that tells Chanhee that he’s thinking the same thing. 

“Wouldn’t describe it as that, to be honest,” Chanhee chuckles. “Trust me, I would’ve rather been here every single summer.”

“How come?” Younghoon asks softly, probably catching on to the unsaid message Chanhee’s trying to say. 

So Chanhee tells them. The whole thing, just like he told Jaehyun that same morning, and their reactions match his when he says that they’ll be selling the house by the end of the summer. 

“So we won’t see you again? Again?” Changmin asks. Sunwoo is holding his hand and rubbing circles over it. 

“I mean, we’re older now, aren’t we? Didn’t you guys say most of you are living in Seoul for uni? We can meet up! This won’t be goodbye, not this time, because this time I do know what’s coming,” Chanhee tries to reassure both them and himself. 

And for a moment the roar of the boat and the wind in their ears are the only things that can be heard over the crashing waves, as they let the information sink in.

“Then we know what we have to do, right?” Sangyeon says out of nowhere, and when he looks up, they’re all smiling.

“What?” Chanhee asks, almost scared of the answer.

“Give you the best summer of your life, so that you’ll never forget this place, and us,” Jaehyun says, and the rest cheer along. 

But Chanhee is looking at him wondering how on Earth would he forget this place. Or them. Or him. 

(...)

“I will fucking kill you,” Chanhee threatens very seriously, but there’s so much boat he can run away in. 

“I thought you agreed to us giving you the best summer ever?” Jaehyun says, a wide grin on his face as he keeps walking toward Chanhee. He can hear the rest of the guys laughing from the water already. “This is not very agreeable on your part!” 

“But I don’t want this! It’s very deep and scary and maybe there are sharks!” Chanhee screams back and Jaehyun chuckles. 

“There are no sharks. Eric’s uncle said this is a safe spot for swimming, otherwise, he wouldn’t allow it,” he tries to be reasonable as he keeps walking towards him, droplets of water leaving a trail everywhere he goes, and Chanhee has reached the end of the boat. There’s nowhere else he can go now. 

“I told you I wouldn’t jump in the water!” he says, and it’s as if Jaehyun had been waiting for him to say that. 

“Who said you’d be the one jumping?” And before Chanhee can run in the opposite direction, knowing very well that Jaehyun would still catch him, his friend picks him up in his arms and heads towards the diving board. Chanhee kicks and hits his back and tries to make him put him down, but it’s useless. 

“I will fucking kill you!” He repeats himself before Jaehyun jumps, and Chanhee curls up even more against him before they hit the cold water, sinking down.

The sound of his friends’ cheers are deafened under the water for as long as he stays there, and Jaehyun swims upwards until they reach the surface again, Chanhee not having let go just yet, but having wrapped himself up around Jaehyun even more, arms around his neck and legs around his waist. 

“Is your method of murder asphyxiation?” Jaehyun chuckles. 

“Shut up, if I’m drowning, you’re drowning with me,” he says, still not letting go, and he feels how Jaehyun is moving his legs to keep them both afloat. 

“You’re not gonna drown,” he laughs. “Come on, let’s go with the rest,” and when he starts swimming, Chanhee detaches himself from Jaehyun briefly only to cling to his back as soon as they return with the rest.

He’s not risking either drowning or being eaten by an unknown sea creature on his own. 

To be fair, even if the water was cold at first, his body adapts to it quickly, and it’s been so long since he’s been in the sea that he can’t help but feel at ease as their bodies rock with the tides.

Jacob’s speaking about the first time they got stung by a jellyfish and Chanhee gasps. Jaehyun, as if feeling his friend’s distress turns around to whisper to him. 

“There are no jellyfish here, it’s far too cold. They prefer warmer areas,” he says and they’re so close now that Chanhee can count his lashes, can see as a drop of water travels down from his hair down his cheek and to his neck until it meets the water again. 

And Chanhee does the only thing he feels capable of doing right now: he uses all his strength to dunk Jaehyun in the water, letting go of him so he doesn’t drag him down with him. 

“What was that for?!” Jaehyun asks, chuckling once he surfaces again and has stopped coughing. 

“Because I’m mad at you! I didn’t ask!” And he splashes him with water again, making him laugh. 

“There they go again,” Chanhee hears someone say. He thinks it’s Juyeon. 

“Is this normal?” Kevin asks while both Chanhee and Jaehyun splash each other with water. The rest of his friends nod. Even Sunwoo does. 

“Alright, alright, I call a truce,” Jaehyun says, lifting his hands, and Chanhee just glares at him, but stops. “Do you forgive me?” he asks as they both keep themselves afloat. 

“I mean, you haven’t done much to earn it, have you?” Chanhee says, and Jaehyun just smiles. As if that fixed everything. As if one smile was powerful enough to get him what he wants. “Fine, I forgive you.” 

And as soon as he says it, he feels something tickle his leg and he jumps on Jaehyun again, who holds him up right away. 

“Woah, you okay?” he asks. 

“I think there was a shark or something,” and all their friends laugh. 

“I think you would’ve known if it was a shark, hyung,” Haknyeon laughs. 

“Alright guys, time to get back!” Eric’s uncle tells them from the boat. There are a few whines of complaint, but Chanhee’s just glad that he’s going to be back on something solid and without the literal bottomless ocean under his feet. 

The sun has started to set as they were there, and the sky and the water are beginning to be tainted with a shade of pink that makes Chanhee smile as they climb back up to the boat. 

“We’ll get to watch the sunset from here,” Eric’s uncle informs them, and they all cheer on that. Chanhee’s glad that he took his phone off his pocket before Jaehyun threw him in the water, otherwise, he would have drowned his friend. 

“Here, we can share mine if you want,” Jaehyun offers his towel which is quite big. “No need to use two, right?” 

“It’s okay, you keep yourself covered,” Chanhee says taking out his own.

“Why? Are my abs bothering you, Chanhee?” And the truth is he was trying to not think about them because they were kind of hard to ignore. And as someone who’s always had quite a flat chest due to his constitution, seeing Jaehyun like that is… something. 

He chooses not to say anything and go join the rest of the guys to watch the sunset. Jaehyun joins them a bit after and stands with the youngest ones. 

Chanhee takes out his phone and starts taking as many pictures and videos as he can.

“This, right here… this is timeless,” Chanhee says as the sun begins to drown behind the horizon, its flames disappearing under the water and leaving a subtle glow that will slowly start to fade. 

Thankfully, it was perfectly calculated so that they’re not still out at sea when the night has fallen upon them.

Even if the boat had lights and they would’ve been safe, Chanhee feels better knowing that he’s back on land. 

“Thank you so much for the ride, Sir!” Chanhee tells Eric’s uncle before they step off. The man thanks them for coming and after that, they all start walking back. 

“Anyone wants to hang a bit?” Juyeon asks as they start heading back to town. 

“Sorry guys, we’re out,” Changmin says. “Having dinner with my parents.” 

“Yeah, I can’t either,” Younghoon says.

“I’m dead, so count me out, too,” Chanhee chuckles. 

“So does anyone actually can?” Juyeon chuckles and a few of them lift their hands: Eric, Jaehyun, Jacob, and Sangyeon. “Cool. Should we meet in around half an hour?” 

They start making plans on the spot and Chanhee just wants to get home and go to bed, since he barely napped earlier today and he’s still exhausted. Plus, having been swimming doesn’t help the sleepiness. 

They start dropping people off the same way they picked them up earlier until it’s just the two of them again heading back to their block. 

“Are you feeling alright? Any sea-sickness?” Chanhee asks to fill the silence as they walk back. 

“No, no, I’m okay,” Jaehyun smiles. “It was fun, wasn’t it?” 

“Yeah, would’ve been more fun if you didn’t nearly kill me, but, you know, small details.” And Jaehyun laughs out loud, the cicadas that were singing around them quiet to allow his voice to be the only thing that can be heard. 

“I wouldn’t have let you die, don’t worry,” he chuckles. “I actually was a lifeguard on the beach and our swimming pool for a few years in high school, you know?” And, for some reason, it doesn’t surprise Chanhee. 

“So, what, you would’ve done CPR on me if a shark ate me alive?” Chanhee chuckles. 

“Maybe,” Chanhee just rolls his eyes and keeps walking.

“But yeah, it was fun,” he smiles as they walk into their block of buildings. “I can’t wait to get in bed, though, I slept like shit last night and I’m still exhausted,” he chuckles. 

“Well, I hope you sleep better tonight, then,” Jaehyun smiles as they walk to Chanhee’s staircase. 

“And I hope you have fun with the guys later,” Chanhee says in return, Jaehyun nodding along. “See you tomorrow, Jaehyunie,” Chanhee says, starting to go up the stairs. 

“I can’t believe after all this time you’re still keeping up the not-calling-me-hyung ordeal,” Jaehyun says, and Chanhee just laughs. 

“Traditions, Jaehyun, they must be respected,” and he opens the door. “Good night!” he yells back before he closes the door, still hearing Jaehyun’s laugh once it’s closed. 

He showers before they have dinner, and after, he goes straight to his room, too exhausted to even attempt to stay awake a minute longer. 

The second he closes his eyes, it’s as if he’s back out at sea again. He can feel the way the waves and the tides would move his body at their will, he can hear the sound of the sea, and he can still remember the feel of Jaehyun’s body under his touch. 

When he falls asleep, it’s as easy as if the tide had taken him away. 

(...) 

Before they know it, a month has gone by since Chanhee arrived at the beach apartment. A month that, as his friends decided, would be filled with the most fun and memorable activities that they could for Chanhee to spend the best summer of his life. And it was a success so far. 

They’ve hung out pretty much every day, not all of them all the time, in fact, sometimes Chanhee had to cancel to spend time with his parents or help them around with things related to the selling of the house, but most days he would go, fully aware that their time is limited and want to make the most of it. 

They’ve gone to a theme park together, went out with Eric’s boat again, and Chanhee even joined the fishing team one time, just to try it. He caught a fish before Jaehyun did and spent the rest of the day bragging about it. 

They’ve done movie marathons like they used to in Sangyeon’s house and slept over, the living room being a bit more crowded now that there were eleven of them there, but it was fine, it was fun. Chanhee never minded much about sharing a bed with someone else, and as kids, they used to do that all the time. 

One night, they decided to go out and party until they saw the sunrise, and that was something Chanhee thinks he’ll remember for a long time, seeing how the sky started lighting up little by little as if little drops of paint were added to a pitch-plack canvas. 

He’s also made a habit of waking up early to go with his mom to the beach and walk up and down the coast when it’s empty, and all of that combined has resulted in him getting a bit tan for the first time in years. 

But he’s happy, having the time of his life with his friends, dreading how fast time is flowing and how little they have left. 

“Mom, dad, I’m leaving!” Chanhee announces, making sure he’s got everything. They’re going camping today, kind of. 

Sangyeon rented a caravan and they’re going to go to a campsite not too far from here and have a barbecue and a bonfire and sleep over there. There’s supposed to be a meteor shower today, so hopefully, the weather’s clear enough for them to see it. 

He remembers every time there used to be one when they were kids that somehow it was always cloudy at night as if fate didn’t want them to see the stars or make any wishes. So this would be the first time Chanhee sees it. 

“Alright, be careful!” His father says from the couch, and his mother waves goodbye at him as well. 

He’s got so used to Jaehyun always being there waiting for him that he frowns when he opens the door and he isn’t.

He checks his phone just in case he suddenly decided not to join them or something, but he hasn’t said anything, so he calls him. 

“Hello?” he picks up right away, and he sounds like…

“Are you running?” Chanhee chuckles. 

“Yep, I’m—I’m almost there,” and he frowns, looking around and spotting a running figure nearing their block. 

“Where did you go?” Chanhee laughs, shaking his head. “Alright, see you in a bit, don’t die, yeah?” And he hangs up, not wanting his friend to actually pass out from trying to run and speak at the same time. 

He goes down the stairs and heads to the front door to meet him there. And he’s out of breath when Chanhee gets there, a sleeping bag in his hand. 

“Got it,” he says, lifting it up, and Chanhee frowns. “You said yesterday that yours was too small to fit in.” And Chanhee tries to not look too taken aback by his words because he did say that. He just didn’t think that it was a big deal because it was summer and it’s not like they were going to get in the sleeping bags anyway. And he didn’t expect Jaehyun to go and get him one. 

“You’re so dumb,” Chanhee hits him. “There was no need for that! I packed mine anyway!” 

“Trust me, you don’t want to be caught outside the sleeping bag. There are many mosquitos there, and even though we brought enough repel, I still wouldn’t risk it. Besides, who said it was yours? I bought it for myself, but I’m so nice that I’ll let you use it,” and he smiles smugly the way he always does. Chanhee just sighs. 

“Whatever, come on, they must be waiting already and I can’t have them teasing us again for being late when it’s usually your fault,” Chanhee starts walking. 

“My fault?! You’re the one that takes ages to get ready! Next time I’ll set up a timer from the moment I get to the bottom of your stairs until you come out, we’ll see if it’s my fault then!” And this is something that hasn’t changed either, their bickering. The only thing that’s changed is that Chanhee lately has been feeling as if he’s shielding himself behind it to hide the fact that Jaehyun’s been occupying a bit too much space in his thoughts. 

But how could he not? 

“That’s it, you’re sleeping on the floor tonight,” Jaehyun says, clutching the sleeping bag against his chest tighter and it’s then that Chanhee realizes that it’s a double sleeping bag. For two. 

“I told you, I packed mine,” Chanhee chuckles, trying to ignore this brand new piece of information. “I don’t need you!” and he sticks out his tongue, feeling very much like a twelve-year-old again. 

“We’ll see about that,” is all Jaehyun says before they get to the parking lot where the caravan is.

“There they are,” Jacob says once they arrive. 

“Alright, good. Now that we’re all finally here—” Sangyeon starts but Chanhee feels the need to defend himself this time. 

“It was Jaehyun’s fault,” he points at him. “He went to buy a sleeping bag last minute.” 

“Yeah, for him, so, you know,” Jaehyun shrugs and Chanhee turns around to look at him. For him. 

“You said you bought it for yourself!” Chanhee says and is about to hit him again but remembers that they’re making everyone else wait, so he doesn’t. 

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Sangyeon chuckles. “I’ll be driving the caravan, but at least three people need to go in my car, because all the food and stuff are there, and we won’t fit in the caravan alone. So! Jaehyun or Jacob, which one prefers driving?” and Chanhee frowns, looking at Younghoon. 

“I thought you also had a license,” he tells his friend. 

“He hates driving,” Juyeon shrugs next to them. Chanhee relates to that. He hates it so much that he can’t even fathom taking the exam for it. 

“I don’t mind,” Jacob says, shrugging. 

“Nah, I’ll drive, don’t worry. I’m used to hyung’s car already,” Jaehyun tells him. 

“Alright, cool,” Sangyeon throws his keys at Jaehyun who catches them with ease. Impressive . 

“Who wants to come with me?” Jaehyun smiles and Chanhee isn’t surprised when Eric and Haknyeon run toward him. “Smart. Wanna join us?” He asks Chanhee, and he smiles. 

“Hyung said three, so you’ve got that covered,” he pats his shoulder and heads towards the caravan. “Let’s go! I brought some games,” Chanhee tells the rest of the boys before getting inside the van. 

It’s quite big, but Sangyeon is right, there’s no way all of them would fit, even if the journey itself isn’t that long. 

He sits down in front of Changmin and Sunwoo. Younghoon called shotgun and he’s helping Sangyeon with directions, and Kevin, Jacob, and Juyeon are sitting on the other set of seats. 

“So, hyung went to town to get you another sleeping bag?” Sunwoo asks. Chanhee sees Changmin elbow him in the ribs, but his boyfriend doesn’t flinch. 

“He’s dumb,” Chanhee sighs. “I said yesterday that mine was too small because I’m pretty sure my parents got it for me when I was like eight and although I would’ve been fine he just…” 

“Sounds like average Jaehyun behavior to me,” Juyeon says from the other side. 

“Is it?” Jacob chuckles. “I’d never seen him like that.” 

“Well, you’d never seen him around Chanhee before,” Younghoon says from the front seat, and Chanhee isn’t really enjoying this conversation. 

“I think it’s nice that he did that, you guys are just weird,” Kevin pitches in and Chanhee appreciates it. 

“It is nice,” Sangyeon says and Chanhee knows there’s more to his words than that. He’s glad that they’re left unsaid. 

Thankfully, the topic of conversation changes to trying to decide what food they’re going to eat. Although there aren’t many possibilities because the food has already been bought, the combinations might variate, so that’s what they’re trying to do now. And eleven people trying to agree on something is… challenging. 

But they eventually manage, having Eric on the phone to hear the opinions of the car team before they arrive at the campsite area. 

Once they’re there, they start setting up the table and chairs. It’s still too early to start building up the fire and cooking, even if they have to make enough food for all of them and that will take a while. 

“Should we play some games?” Changmin suggests after they’re done. Jacob has brought out his guitar and is strumming it along, filling the silence. 

“Cool!” Juyeon says and they start browsing through the games. 

Unlike with food, it is impossible to agree on what game everyone wants to play, so eventually, they split up into groups, playing different things at the same time. 

“I’ll play Jenga with you,” Jaehyun chuckles, since Chanhee wanted to play but no one else seemed to want to. 

“Really?” and his friend nods, picking the box up from the pile of board games that they all compiled. 

“Yeah. Loser gets flicked in the forehead, deal?” He chuckles, walks towards one of the tables, and sits there. 

“Oh… You know that the person that suggests these things usually ends up losing, right?” Chanhee laughs, sitting in front of him and taking the box from him to set up the tower. 

“I won’t,” and Chanhee can’t wait to prove him wrong. 

“Alright, let’s go, deal,” and he takes out the first piece of wood.

(...) 

“Wait, wait! I wanna film this,” Younghoon says, rushing to get his phone out and focus it on Jaehyun as Chanhee lifts his fringe and warms up his finger. 

“Who’s idea was this?” Haknyeon chuckles. They all gathered to watch the end of their game because they were both trying so hard that it was barely standing, but in the end, Chanhee won. 

“His,” Chanhee laughs, pulling his finger back. Jaehyun closes his eyes and winces even before the impact happens, but Chanhee doesn’t hold back and the noise is so loud everyone gasps. 

“Fuck—” Jaehyun says, covering his forehead straight away. 

“Shit, sorry,” Chanhee chuckles. “Are you alright?” And he leans in closer to see the red mark on his forehead in the shape of Chanhee’s middle finger. 

“Damn, you’ve got more strength in that single finger than the rest of your body, Chanhee,” Jaehyun chuckles. 

“Kiss it better, hyung!” Eric says and both Jaehyun and Chanhee turn around to look at him confused. “I mean, I can do it for you, but it was you who did it,” the youngest says as if it wasn’t a big deal. And truthfully, why would it be? Chanhee’s kissed some of the other boys before. Kisses on cheeks and heads and hands. Why does it feel like his whole body will be set aflame just at the thought of doing it to Jaehyun now? 

“Mhm, he’s making valid points,” Jaehyun says, turning around to face him. Clearly unaffected by the whole thing. So Chanhee just snaps out of it and pulls Jaehyun’s hair back again and presses his lips against the red mark. 

“There, all better.” And he walks away after that, clearly unaffected. “Should we get started with the food?” He says and starts unpacking things just to keep his hands and his mind busy and not thinking about what just happened at all, or about the small surprised noise Jaehyun swallowed down when Chanhee’s lips touched his skin. Because he heard it. He wishes he hadn’t, but he did. 

(...) 

After dinner, they all gather around the fire and sing along to classics thanks to Jacob’s guitar. The sky is clear but they still haven’t seen any stars, and Chanhee is already starting to give up because his neck hurts from looking upwards so much. 

Although he thought that it wouldn’t be possible in summer here, he’s a bit cold, so he hugs himself and moves closer to the fire, closing his eyes and enjoying the sweet melody from the guitar and the soft humming of his friends as they sing along. 

And it’s a weird feeling, but it’s as if his soul was mending, somehow. Being here, surrounded by them. But he suddenly starts feeling overwhelmed by the fact that this is indeed the last time he’s going to be able to do this because although Jaehyun did offer for him to stay at his place, he knows that it wouldn’t be the same, that it never will be, and that’s scary. 

So he stands up suddenly, making everyone turn around to look at him. 

“You okay, Chanhee?” Changmin asks from next to him. 

“Y–Yeah, I… I’m gonna—I wanna see if I can see the stars. I’m gonna walk around a bit and find somewhere dark enough.” He tries to come up with a believable excuse, but he’s not sure if it works. 

“You shouldn’t go alone, it’s too dangerous—” Jaehyun starts, but before he can stand up, Chanhee shakes his head. 

“It’s fine, I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” she says. “You guys stay here, I won’t go far, promise.” And he starts walking away from them and towards the beach (or at least that’s the plan if his sense of direction is good enough). 

He’s got his phone on to light the way and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself, and eventually, he finds a rock in the middle of the woods where they are where he can see the sky perfectly, every single dot in the sky lighting up. 

He closes his eyes and tries to breathe, trying to take everything in. 

He’s not sure how long he stays there by himself until he hears a noise from the back and he jumps, startled. 

“It’s just me, don’t worry,” Jaehyun says, and Chanhee relaxes. “Just wanted to make sure you hadn’t been eaten by a tiger or something,” he keeps walking until he’s sat down next to Chanhee. 

“I don’t think there are any tigers around here, but I appreciate that,” Chanhee chuckles, eyes still glued to the sky in self-defense. 

“Seen any yet?” Jaehyun asks after a few seconds of silence, and Chanhee just shakes his head. 

“I’m starting to think Sangyeon hyung made that up or whoever posted it on TikTok for him to see did,” Jaehyun chuckles at that, and Chanhee’s heart reacts to it in a way that Chanhee is getting tired of, because he can’t be doing this, not now. 

“Should we go back, then?” Jaehyun offers, but Chanhee doesn’t respond. “Are you okay? You seemed a bit… off at dinner, and after.” And Chanhee hates that it was so evident. 

“Yeah, I’m just… a bit in my head, I guess,” he shrugs, hugging himself more, because now without the warmth of the bonfire, it’s even colder. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Jaehyun offers, and Chanhee feels something be thrown over his shoulders. A jacket. He turns around and finds Jaehyun smiling under the moonlight. “It’s okay, I’m not cold.” 

And there’s just so much Chanhee can take, and he’s already reaching his limit because it’s not fair. 

It’s not fair for Jaehyun to be this perfect and this out of reach at the same time. Because sure, he’s right there, and sure, if Chanhee hasn’t been reading the signs wrong, maybe whatever they’ve got going on might be something, but the thing is, Chanhee is well aware that they wouldn’t last. Because unfortunately, Jaehyun isn’t one of the people that live in Seoul for university, and Chanhee’s not sure if long-distance is for him at all. 

“Thanks,” is all he says before he looks away again, Jaehyun’s scent overwhelming him from his jacket. Chanhee feels tiny, though, like it could fit two of himself in it. “And there’s nothing to talk about, really, I’m just… tired, I guess,” he responds, and silence follows. Silence and the barely-there echo of Jacob’s guitar. 

“Well, you can rest your head on my shoulder if you want. I’ll carry you back if you fall asleep,” Jaehyun chuckles. 

“Always the superhero,” Chanhee says and allows himself to do that, to rest his head on his shoulder and close his eyes as Jaehyun hums the song Jacob is now playing in the distance. 

 Chanhee moves closer to him to find a more comfortable position and Jaehyun just stays put, not moving at all. 

“Oh! Look! Over there!” He says suddenly, Chanhee opening his eyes and turning towards where he was pointing, but whatever he was meant to see, he missed. “Did you s—” Jaehyun starts saying, but the words die in his mouth when he turns around and finds Chanhee a breath away from him. 

And Chanhee feels frozen on the spot as well, eyes nailed to his until he sees how Jaehyun’s dart down to his lips and back to his eyes. He gulps.

Next thing he knows, Jaehyun’s holding his face and leaning in to kiss him. And it lasts like three seconds before Chanhee pulls back with a gasp. And it seems to dawn on Jaehyun then what just happened. 

“I—” Chanhee starts.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says. “I—Fuck, I didn’t—” And Chanhee can see that he’s starting to spiral, that his breath is quickening, so he holds his hand. 

“Hey, hyung,” he says, for the first time in his life probably. “It’s okay,” he shakes his head and offers him a small smile even though he feels like crying. “Nothing to be sorry about. It’s fine, okay?” And Jaehyun is trying to read between the lines, looking into his eyes as if he could stare into his soul like that. “I’m sorry.” 

“I thought you said there’s nothing to be sorry about,” Jaehyun says. 

“ You have nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong,” Chanhee sighs, standing up and giving him back his jacket. “Let’s go back, yeah? It’s getting late.” And he starts walking back, not checking if Jaehyun is coming after him or not. When he makes it back to the campsite, some of the boys are already asleep, so Chanhee heads to where he left his things to get his sleeping bag and join them. 

He feels the eyes of the few that are still awake on him, but no one says a thing. Jaehyun comes back a few minutes after as Chanhee is setting up his bed for the night. It’s as he’s about to get into his small sleeping bag that he feels something slightly hit him on the side. 

“Here, I got it for you, after all,” Jaehyun says. Chanhee hates that his eyes are red and that it’s his fault. “Good night, Chanhee.” 

“What about you?” Chanhee asks, they’re both whispering not to wake the rest up. 

“I’ll be fine, I have another one.” Chanhee frowns but decides not to push him. After all, the last thing he probably wants right now is to be around him, and Chanhee doesn’t blame him. 

Even by trying not to fuck anything up, looks like he did anyway. 

He gets inside the sleeping bag Jaehyun gave him and it feels too big for him, especially when he curls up in a ball and lets the tears stream down quietly, watering the soil under him. Maybe something beautiful will come out of them, even if it won’t be for Chanhee. 

(...)

The plan was to stay together until that same afternoon, they were going to go to another beach that’s nearby and that isn’t as crowded as the one they’re used to going to, but Chanhee is counting the minutes until they can head back to town and he can go home and cacoon under his bed and pretend that he doesn’t exist. 

He barely slept last night, kept replaying the whole thing in his mind, still feeling the light press of Jaehyun’s lips against his, even if it was so short that he shouldn’t be able to remember it, but he does. He keeps tossing and turning and almost gets up and leaves. The campsite’s not too far from town, so maybe he can get there walking. Of course, he doesn’t do that, but he almost does. 

By the time he wakes up, he’s the first, although he’s not surprised, and he spots Jaehyun, curled up in a ball, sleeping on the floor.

“I have another one”, he said. Clearly, it wasn’t true. There’s a pang on Chanhee’s chest at the realization that he gave up his sleeping bag for him. That Chanhee could have asked him to stay and share it if he hadn’t been a coward. If he hadn’t ruined everything by pushing him away.

He sighs and gets the sleeping bag and throws it over him, walking away right after to get some food from the camper van, and he stays inside. Everyone chose to sleep outside to get the full experience, which means the whole thing is empty, and Chanhee takes advantage of it to cry a little bit. Not too much, because he doesn’t want it to show. 

After the rest wake up, it’s clear that there’s something wrong, but nobody mentions it. Jaehyun and him barely even look at each other, and Chanhee hates it. He doesn’t want things to change, even if it’s pretty inevitable. He wants to go back in time and either doesn’t let him kiss him in the first place or not be dumb enough to pull away and leave. But he doesn’t do anything, and by the time they’re heading back, they’re on separate cars again, and, of course, someone asks. 

“Hey, Chanhee… Did something happen last night?” Changmin asks, and although he says it softly, Chanhee knows everyone is listening. 

“I didn’t see the stars if that’s what you’re wondering,” and he knows that it isn’t, but he says it anyway. But it seems to be enough to quiet his friend, so he spends the rest of the drive looking through the window and seeing how it’s starting to get cloudy. At least it wasn’t yesterday, although right now Chanhee’s not sure if he would’ve preferred it. 

They make it back to town and they head to the parking lot where they met up yesterday. 

“That was fun! We definitely should go camping more often,” Haknyeon says, stepping down from Sangyeon’s car. Chanhee’s glad to see a smile on his face, the youngest ones probably having helped improve his mood. He looks away before he can see how it fades from his face the moment he sees him. 

“I’m heading to the pool at my place, anyone wants to come?” Eric suggests, and this time most people agree, even though they were just at the beach together. Chanhee and Jaehyun are the only ones that don’t.

“I’m sorry, guys, but I’m gonna get back, I think I got too cold yesterday, I’m not feeling well,” Chanhee says, hating that he threw an excuse in there that he knows nobody’s going to believe. 

“Yeah, I’ll head back, too,” Jaehyun says, and both of them seem to realize at the same time that that means they’re going to be heading back together. 

“Okay, well, feel better,” Younghoon says hugging Chanhee, and he heads to give Jaehyun another one. Chanhee thinks he hears him say something but doesn’t quite get what it is. 

“Have fun, guys,” Jaehyun says as they turn around to leave, and he looks at Chanhee for a few seconds before he sighs. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “And before you say that there’s nothing to apologize for, there is. I fucked up, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that out of the blue like that, and it was wrong for me to… assume—and I’m sorry. But, please don’t call me hyung again.” And Chanhee can’t help but chuckle at his words, which was the intention in the first place by the relief sigh Jaehyun lets out. 

“I’ll remind you of this day the next time you complain about the lack of formality,” Chanhee says and Jaehyun smiles again. 

“Are we good?” Jaehyun asks, and Chanhee nods. He’s not sure how much he means it, but for now, he’ll pretend. “Good, let’s head back, then. I didn’t sleep that well last night.” 

“Maybe if you kept your sleeping bag instead of giving it to me, you would have,” Chanhee says and he turns to look at him. “I saw you this morning. Who do you think covered you up?” 

“But you were cold and your sleeping bag wasn’t gonna help with that,” he says as if it’s a no-brainer. As if, if given the chance, he would sleep on the hard cold floor again just so that Chanhee would be warm and comfortable. How is he supposed to not fall in love with him? He finds himself unable to respond to that, so they keep walking. And when they get to their street, since Chanhee’s trying very hard to look anywhere but at him, his eyes land on a car that looks familiar. 

And on its license plate. 

Chanhee stops walking, making Jaehyun stop as well and turn to look at him. 

“What? Did you forget something in the car?” He asks at the look of horror on Chanhee’s face. 

“That’s–That’s my brother’s car,” his voice is barely above a whisper, but Jaehyun turns to look at the car. 

“Like… the same model or—” 

“No, that’s his car, Jaehyun. I know the license plate from when he came to pick me up at school. It’s his. He’s here.” And his heart is starting to race, and he needs to breathe faster because he feels as if no air is actually coming in.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s fine, look at me, Chanhee,” he says, taking a few steps until he’s in front of him and lifting his face so he meets his eyes. “It’s fine, alright?” He whispers and looks back at the car. “You can come to my place for now, until you’re ready. Text your parents to tell them that you’re sleeping over, I don’t mind—” 

“No, no, I can’t—” Chanhee starts but Jaehyun shushes him. 

“You can. You’re clearly not ready to face him or the situation yet, and that’s fine. Let me help you.” 

“But the last thing you must want right now is to have me around,” Chanhee says, not thinking things through because his mind is racing too much at the fact that his brother is here. 

“Well, that’s not true. I always want to have you around,” Jaehyun says, and Chanhee notices then that he still hasn’t let go of him. “And if it’s about last night, then–We can pretend it didn’t happen again if that makes you feel better. But it doesn’t matter now, this has nothing to do with that. This is me trying to help you, so, please let me?” And the way that he’s looking at him is so… genuine. It makes Chanhee’s heart melt into a puddle. And even if his feelings for him are scary, they feel safer than walking into his apartment right now. 

“Okay,” Chanhee says, and Jaehyun nods. When they open the door to their block, Chanhee follows him towards his apartment instead of his, but he can’t help but look back at it, to see if he catches a glimpse of his brother, but he doesn’t. 

It’s getting late, so if Chanwoo is still here at this time it probably means he plans to stay. Thank God Chanhee saw the car before he went home, otherwise the shock would have been so bad that Chanhee’s not sure how he would’ve reacted. 

Jaehyun opens the door to his place and calls out for any of his family members, but it looks like they’re not there. 

“Coast’s clear, come in,” Jaehyun says, and Chanhee follows him. And it’s not until the door closes behind him that it sinks on Chanhee what’s happening. 

His brother actually came back from his trip and he came here… why? It can’t be good news. With him, it never is.
Before he can do anything about it, Chanhee slides down the door until he hits the floor. And when he looks up, Jaehyun is on the floor with him. 

“You can cry all you want, I won’t judge you.” And it’s as if he needed permission for the dam to be broken, and he cries, choking with his own sobs. “Come here,” Jaehyun says eventually and pulls him into a hug that breaks Chanhee even more, but hearing Jaehyun’s heartbeat helps him even out his breathing, and that helps him calm down enough. 

“I’m just—So mad—” 

“Shh, you don’t have to explain it, Chanhee, it’s okay. I got you, yeah?” And he appreciates it, so he just nods and holds him tighter. 

He hopes Jaehyun’s parents don’t come home right then because they’re still sitting by the front door and it would be embarrassing. 

The sun has set by the time Chanhee has calmed down enough to get up from the floor. Jaehyun walks them to his room again and tells him to make himself comfortable. 

“I’m gonna shower. Text your parents that you’re staying here, yeah?” And Chanhee nods, sniffling and taking his phone out. 

He sees it there, it’s confirmed. 

Mom:

Your brother’s here

I’m staying at Jaehyun’s tonight

Sorry I can’t do this yet

Are you okay?

Okay dear 

I’m fine

See you tomorrow at the beach? 

Okay

(...) 

Jaehyun lends him some clothes after the shower and they have dinner before his family comes home, and they head to his room again. 

It’s been mostly quiet, but Chanhee doesn’t mind. He’s still trying to let everything sink in, and Jaehyun is giving him as much space as he can. 

“You can sleep here, I’ll take Jaein’s room,” Jaehyun says, and although it’s the smart choice, considering, Chanhee can’t help but feel disappointed. 

“Are you going to bed already?” He asks him, and Jaehyun stops. “I… I don’t think I can sleep yet.” 

“Oh, okay,” Jaehyun says then, biting his lip nervously. “What do you want to do? We can watch a movie or play a game if you want?” 

“Can we… go swim for a bit?” He asks and Jaehyun frowns. “I know we’re not supposed to swim in the pool at this hour, but you said you’re a trained lifeguard, so I don’t think there’ll be a problem, right?” 

“Are you trying to get me to break the rules, Choi Chanhee?” He asks and it makes Chanhee smile slightly for the first time in the entire afternoon. 

“Will you?” And Jaehyun opens his set of drawers and gets a pair of swimming trucks out and throws another one to Chanhee. 

“Yeah, of course.” 

They get changed and head down to the swimming pool and, as expected, it’s empty. He knows that as long as they’re quiet nobody will complain, and Chanhee doesn’t plan on speaking much. He just wants to float for a little bit, submerge under the water, and pretend that the world around him doesn’t exist. 

He sits on the edge, with his legs in the water for a bit, Jaehyun is already in the water swimming around quietly, and Chanhee watches him go from one end to the pool to the other under the water without breathing. 

“Show-off,” Chanhee says at one point, kicking his leg and splashing him with water. 

“What? Does my lung capacity impress you?” He chuckles, swimming towards him. “I thought you said you wanted to swim, you’re not doing much of that right now,” he chuckles, hanging onto the edge, ready to push himself to gain speed for his next lap. 

“I will, in a bit. It’s still cold,” Chanhee justifies himself and Jaehyun splashes him because he’s evil. Chanhee gasps, and almost screams at him but then he remembers that they’re not supposed to be here in the first place, so he doesn’t. “Fine, I’m coming in,” and he jumps in slowly not to splash too much. Even though they’re not on the shallow end of the pool, he still submerges fully, sitting on the floor and closing his eyes for a minute. Letting the sound of the water whisper to him as he stays there, holding his breath, letting the burn make him feel alive until he has to go back to the surface.

“Wow, that was impressive,” Jaehyun says swimming toward him. “A few more seconds and my lifeguard training would have made me pull you out, though,” Chanhee chuckles, taking a deep breath for what it feels like forever. “Feeling better?” 

“A bit,” Chanhee admits and moves until he’s facing upward in the pool, playing dead, just floating. “Can lifeguards tell if someone’s faking it or if they’re actually like dead in the pool?” Chanhee asks and Jaehyun can’t help but laugh. 

“That turned dark really quickly,” he says, moving towards him because even with his eyes closed, he can feel it in the way the water flows. “I mean, if you’re facing upwards it’s hard for you to drown, so you wouldn’t be able to fool me.” And he places his hands on Chanhee and starts moving him around the pool. It’s relaxing, letting go like this and letting himself be carried away. 

“Did you have any scary experiences while working as a lifeguard?” He asks then, just because he wants to keep his mind occupied and not think about why they’re there right now. 

“Not really, thankfully. Some scrapped knees and a few wasp stings, but nothing too serious. You know nothing dramatic ever happens around here,” he chuckles, and he’s right. 

“So you’ve never actually saved somebody’s life or anything? That’s disappointing,” Chanhee chuckles. 

“Careful, you’re in my hands now, I could drown you,” and Chanhee opens his eyes to glare at him and he just chuckles. “I won’t, but I could.” 

“Well, just to be safe…” Chanhee says before he dives underwater again, swimming until he’s back on the edge of the pool, watching Jaehyun that’s now in the middle of it. He’s tall enough that he reaches the floor even there. 

“Got tired of swimming already?” Jaehyun chuckles, walking towards him. 

“Come here, let’s… let’s just talk.” And although the concept of talking sounds a bit scary to Chanhee because many topics could be addressed, especially ever since last night, he still does. He likes talking to Jaehyun, and he said something earlier that’s been bugging him a bit. 

“Are you sure you don’t rather go upstairs for talking?” he asks, resting his arms on the edge next to Chanhee but staying inside the pool. 

“Yeah, the sound of the pool is… relaxing,” Jaehyun nods. 

“So? What do you want to talk about?” he asks him, and Chanhee just stares at his legs under the water as they go up and down for a second. 

“Earlier… Earlier you said that we could pretend like what happened yesterday didn’t happen,” Chanhee says and Jaehyun lifts his head to look at him, probably not thinking that Chanhee was going to talk about that among all things. “Again. You said that we could pretend again. And I might be good at pretending, but not so much that I actually forget whatever it is that I had to pretend for, and I don’t remember anything happening worth it.”  

“Oh,” Jaehyun says. “Oh, okay. Uh—I guess that explains a lot,” he chuckles a bit, but Chanhee’s still as lost as he was. 

“Care to share your findings with the class?” he says, and he jumps out to sit next to him. 

“Okay, so… Remember when I said that I thought it was my fault that you never came back? And you asked me what could I possibly have done?” And Chanhee frowns, but nods. “Well, let’s just say… yesterday wasn’t the first time that I kissed you.” The shock is evident in Chanhee’s face by the way Jaehyun chuckles. How the fuck did he forget that? 

“When?” That is all he can ask because he’s at a loss for words. “H–What?” 

“It was the last night you spent here. We had a sleepover at Changmin's, I think? You and I shared the bed like we usually did. I… I guess it doesn’t really count as a kiss… But back then I thought…” he sighs before he continues. “I couldn’t sleep, and you kept tossing and turning as well. I thought you were awake, but in one of the times that we were turning, we… Our lips brushed, and I kissed you. You whined after, so I thought you were awake, but you just turned around and turned your back on me and didn’t move after that, so I thought you were upset. The next morning, you left because your parents wanted to get an early start and we barely said goodbye. So yeah, that’s why I thought it was my fault.” 

Chanhee has no memory of this at all, no recollection whatsoever. He does remember the sleepover, but it was just another one, nothing special to be remembered. At least that’s what he thought. 

“I—I don’t remember that at all,” he starts, but then things start to fall into place. “Wait, you liked me back then?” Jaehyun chuckles, lowering his head, cheeks burning red under the pool’s dimmed lights. 

“I don’t think I remember a time when I didn’t.” And just like that, Chanhee’s soul goes up in flames. 

“You can’t just—You can’t just say that!” And he’s about to push Jaehyun back to the water, but he pushes back, so he can’t move him. 

“Why? Would you rather me lie and say that I don’t crave to be near you all the time? That I hadn’t spent the past ten years waiting for you to come back? That I didn’t wait by your door every year just in case you did? I could say that if you want.” 

“Jaehyun, I—” Chanhee starts, but he shakes his head. 

“No, I’m—I’m not telling you this to burden you with my feelings or to ask for you to reciprocate them. It’s fine if you don’t, I—I just needed you to know, because I know everyone sees it, but I’ve just never been subtle at showing how I felt about you. And as kids, I didn’t know what it was, but I do now, and it hasn’t changed. So, yeah, it’s fine, like I said, we can just pretend none of this ever happened if it makes you more comfortable, but I just needed you to kn—” His lips taste like chlorine when Chanhee kisses him quiet, and the angle is awkward, but he doesn’t care. He presses his lips to Jaehyun’s until his brain catches up with his lips and he kisses him back, his hand holding Chanhee’s head the way it was last night. The only visible difference is that the younger boy isn’t pulling back. And maybe this is worse, but he’ll deal with that. 

“So, I was your favorite,” Chanhee says after the kiss, and the way Jaehyun laughs makes his chest light up in flames in the best way. 

“Can’t believe you even doubted it,” he says, licking his lips as if to taste the remains of Chanhee in them. It makes him want to kiss him again. 

“You were mine, too, in case it wasn’t obvious,” Chanhee says. 

“Really? I always thought it was Changmin,” Jaehyun teases, and this time, it does end up with him in the water again. “Oh, no, you didn’t,” he says before he pulls Chanhee back down, and he yells from the cold water, covering his mouth right after. They hear someone opening their window and both of them dive underwater, holding their breath, but their faces are so funny that it almost feels like a try not to laugh challenge . 

In the end, Jaehyun pulls his arm around Chanhee’s waist to pull him closer to him under the water and presses his lips against his quickly before they both surface again. 

“Can I do that now?” He asks after he has already done it, which is very Jaehyun of him. But it’s a loaded question because Chanhee’s reply will determine everything from then on. 

But of course, his reply is to wrap his arms around his neck and pull him for another kiss, his body in the water feeling weightless. They will figure out the rest, somehow. 

But for now, them, right there in the pool, lips getting to know each other after so many years, is also timeless. 

(...) 

“Where were you two?” Jaehyun’s mother asks when they come back, soaked from the pool, holding hands behind their backs. 

“Mom, we’re old enough now to—” he starts. 

“Lee Jaehyun,” she says and Chanhee has to bite down his lips not to laugh. 

“We went swimming,” which isn’t a lie. They saw his parents return and they hid underwater as well so they wouldn’t see them, and Chanhee isn’t sure if they did or not, but he hopes they didn’t. 

“Your mother told me that you’re staying here tonight, Chanhee?” she changes her demeanor now that she isn’t speaking to her son. 

“If that’s okay,” he’s quick to add, looking from her to Jaehyun. 

“Of course, it’s okay!” The woman says. “You can stay for as long as you want, you know that. Did you guys eat already?”

“It’s past midnight, mom, of course, we ate already,” Jaehyun chuckles and heads to her and kisses her on the cheek before she can reprimand him. “We’re gonna go shower and straight to bed, camping was very tiring, right, Chanhee?” he asks, and Chanhee just nods, following him along back to his bedroom. 

“Good night, Mrs. Lee! And thank you!” He’s quick to say before Jaehyun closes his bedroom door. “So… Are you still going to sleep in your sister’s room?” He asks Jaehyun. “Because… It’s gonna be weird being in here without you. And I think I need company tonight,” he says and Jaehyun smiles sweetly as he walks to him and hugs him. 

“I can stay just because you asked so nicely,” he chuckles. “You can shower first, use the clothes I gave you earlier since you barely wore them before.” 

“Okay, I won’t take long,” he says, picking up the clothes from before and heading towards the bathroom to get showered (again), but he doesn’t want to go to bed with the chlorine in his hair and skin. He’ll dry his hair with a towel and hope he doesn’t get sick through the night. 

And while the water stream washes him from the chemicals, he closes his eyes and thinks about what is he going to do now, and how are they going to handle this. But most importantly, how is he going to face his brother if he’s still there tomorrow. He had almost forgotten about it, but that’s the whole reason why he’s here in the first place, to run away from him. 

He sighs and gets out of the shower and dries quickly so Jaehyun can shower as well. 

“All yours,” he tells him once he walks back into the room, and Jaehyun stands up and heads towards the door but ends up holding his face instead and kissing him. “The shower,” Chanhee says after the kiss. 

“Oh, my bad,” Jaehyun smirks as if he purposely did it, and he probably did. 

Chanhee shakes his head as he watches him disappear behind the bathroom door and he gets in the bed. It is definitely bigger than it was, and it’s going to be weird not to be cramped together like they used to. He shifts nervously waiting for Jaehyun to come back, and when he does, he closes the door behind him. 

“You look sleepy,” Jaehyun says, walking towards the bed and jumping on it next to Chanhee. 

“I am,” he admits, closing his eyes. “Today’s been… something,” and when he looks to his left at Jaehyun he’s smiling. 

“It was,” he says and reaches over to switch the light off. “Well, know that no matter what happens tomorrow, I’ll still be here, yeah?” Chanhee finds his body in the darkness and hugs him. 

“I might be gone when you wake up, but don’t get scared, I’m just going to go to the beach with my mother and then… who knows,” he sighs on his chest and Jaehyun’s fingers cradle through his hair. 

“Alright, thanks for the warning,” he chuckles. “Good night, Chanhee.” 

“Good night,” he whispers back. And falling asleep in a new bed has never felt easier, but maybe it’s because the company is familiar, and his heart feels at ease. 

(...) 

Chanhee wakes up disoriented, mind still foggy from sleep, glimpses from yesterday’s events coming back little by little. And suddenly, the hand around his waist and the tickle of breath against his neck isn’t so unwelcome anymore. 

He has no idea what time it is. He remembers that he’s supposed to be meeting his mother by the beach, but maybe it’s too late now. Chanhee turns towards where the light noises next to him are coming from and smiles when he sees Jaehyun deeply asleep. The words he told him yesterday by the pool still echo in his mind as he looks at him, and his heart starts racing all over again, just like it did last night. 

This whole thing feels like a dream, but what brought them to be here in the first place feels like a nightmare. 

He’s aware that he needs to face his brother today if he’s still there. Part of him hopes that he won’t be, that he’s left by the time Chanhee comes back and he’s off to another adventure that means he won’t have to see him again. The other part knows that, if that happened, he’d be even more upset. 

He reaches for his phone and sees that it’s not too late. Mom is probably still by the beach. So he carefully peels Jaehyun’s arm off him and slides off the bed. He gets dressed in his clothes from yesterday and carefully gets out of Jaehyun’s room trying his best not to wake him up. 

However, he should’ve expected that someone else in the house would be. 

“Good morning, Chanhee,” Mrs. Lee says, startling him and making him almost drop his shoes. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the woman giggles. 

“It’s okay, I’m just not used to people being awake at this hour,” he smiles. “I’m—I’m gonna head out. Promised my mom I’d keep our morning beach walk tradition even if I didn’t sleep at home.” 

“Don’t you want to have something for breakfast first? I can make you something until Jaehyun wakes up,” she offers, but he politely declines. 

“It’s alright, really. I better go, but thank you!” He offers her a smile. “And don’t worry about Jaehyun, I already told him last night that I probably would be gone by the time he woke up.” And that does seem to put Jaehyun’s mother at ease. Maybe she was scared his son would be hurt if he found him sneaking out in the morning. Not that she knows that anything happened, probably. But mothers being mothers, she could probably tell. 

“Alright, well, send your best to your mom from me and… know that you can come here any time, okay?” And her smile is gentle this time. Chanhee wonders if she knows about Chanwoo, if his mother told him after all. 

“Thank you, truly,” he smiles. “I better go before it’s too late,” and with that, he heads towards the door and slides his flip-flops on, heading down to the beach. 

It seems to be a bit more crowded than usual, but that’s what they get on the weekends anyway. He walks towards their usual spot and is relieved when he sees that his mother is there. 

“Good morning,” he says when he gets there, the woman turning around and offering him a smile. The dark circles under her eyes tell Chanhee that she didn’t get much sleep and the puffiness of them that she probably cried. 

“Good morning to you too, sweetheart,” she says, reaching over and offering her hand to Chanhee, who gladly takes it and squeezes it, sitting next to her. “Did you sleep well?” And he feels selfish and guilty at the fact that he did. She turns around to look at him and smiles when he nods. “Good.” 

“I’m sorry, mom,” he sighs. “I know I should’ve been there, but I… We were coming back and I saw his car and I started panicking, so Jaehyun offered me to stay, and I… I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, look at me,” she says, cradling his face so softly. “You don’t need to apologize, you did nothing wrong. Trust me, I would’ve done the same thing if I were you.” She chuckles bitterly. 

“Was it… bad?” Chanhee asks, even though he’s afraid of the answer. 

“It wasn’t good ,” his mother sighs. “He just dropped by unannounced, saying that he’d heard where we were from the Aunties. Your father was… furious, and I don’t blame him. Chanwoo apologized and said that he had reflected upon his actions in his time away and was ready to do what it took to fix his mistakes… but that Lia’s family was asking for compensation for the cancelation of the wedding and the dress and I don’t know what else, so he needed money.” 

“You have to be fucking kidding me,” Chanhee says, blood boiling at the audacity. “He came back for money?! Money that we don’t have because of him?” 

“Wait, let me finish,” his mother puts her hand over his to stop him. “He didn’t ask us for money. He just said he needed it, which was why he came back. He said that he was going to find a job or multiple so he could pay them back and then help us with paying the rest of the debts off.” 

“Oh,” Chanhee says, and his mother nods, sighing and closing her eyes. 

“Yeah… I know I’m in no position to tell you what to do, because you’re old enough to make your own decisions and I understand how hard this was on you, but he truly was sorry, Chanhee.” And he should be sorry. Chanhee doesn’t know what he would’ve done if he showed up like nothing happened when his rash decisions ruined his family. Chanhee doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet, stares at the way the waves seem to be getting closer with the tides, and wonders, if they stayed right there, if they would pull them away. 

“How was camping?” His mother asks after a while, probably noticing he didn’t really feel like talking about his brother anymore, and for a second Chanhee doesn’t even know what she’s talking about. 

“Oh, um, it was alright,” he says, drawing nameless figures in the sand. “Didn’t see any stars, though.” 

“Well, there’s always next year to try,” she says, but it feels bitter in Chanhee’s heart because he’s not sure if there is. At least, it won’t be here. “I’m gonna head back, it’s getting a bit too hot now, and too crowded as well,” his mother says, standing up. “You can stay if you want.” And she bends down and kisses the crown of Chanhee’s head. “But I’d like it if you came home later.”

Chanhee’s aware that the ball is on his court, he knows that it’s up to him whether he goes with his mother now or not, whether he goes back or waits until his brother has left and returned to the city. He knows it’s his decision and hopes that no one will blame him if he decides that he doesn’t want to go home. 

But, unfortunately, he was raised to always try and see the best in people, or at least give them the benefit of the doubt. He’s been raised to give others another chance to explain themselves after they’ve hurt him, and although most times it has backfired, this is his brother. And all Chanhee wanted from him was for him to come back, apologize and fix this. And it looks like he’s trying. 

“Okay, let’s go,” Chanhee says, standing up, even though he’s barely been here, but to be fair, the only reason why he came in the first place was his mother. So, if she’s leaving, he has no reason to stay any longer. And maybe the look of relief in his mother’s eyes is enough to tell him that he made the right decision this time. 

Chanhee feels as if his heart is starting to beat a bit too fast as they get home, just like he did last night. He’s not sure how he’s going to react when he actually sees him. Is he going to scream? Cry? Or feel nothing at all? 

His mother gives his hand one last squeeze before she opens the door, and to his relief, the first person he sees is his father. 

“Good morning,” he says when they walk inside, and Chanhee can’t help but let his eyes wander across the apartment, looking for him. Is he gone? “He’s in your room,” his father supplies at seeing his reaction. Chanhee gulps, nodding, and stares at the closed door of his (and his brother’s) bedroom. 

“I’ll head to the shower. Darling, why don’t you go out to get the mail?” His mother says, clearly wanting to give Chanhee privacy. 

“It’s fine, dad, you don’t need to leave. I’m pretty sure whatever I can say, you already told him yesterday,” Chanhee sighs, but his father still leaves, and his mother still heads to the shower, and Chanhee remains in the same spot, staring at the door. 

He feels like he needs extra encouragement, so he takes his phone out and texts Jaehyun, knowing full well that he might still be asleep. 

I’m here and I feel like I’m gonna throw up

Shouldn’t have left this morning 

But, to his surprise, he’s awake.

Jaehyun:

You’ve got this :]

You can come over after, I’m right where you left me

<3

Can’t I go now instead?

I mean you can 

But do you actually want that?

Sigh

I’m just scared

But I guess I’ll have to do this sooner or later…

Alright, I’m going

See you later if I don’t get arrested for murdering him

Nooo you’re too sexy for jail <3

You’ve got this

I’ll give you reward kisses later :]

And after another deep breath, Chanhee puts away his phone and starts walking toward his room, trying to prepare a speech in his head that he knows will go down the drain the second he walks inside, but he might as well be prepared. 

The door opens easily when he pushes, and there he is. His hair is longer, and it looks like he just freshly shaved, but he can imagine that he probably wasn’t prioritizing that during his trip. He looks like he’s lost weight, too. But the worst part is the look in his eyes as they meet Chanhee’s. 

“Hey, little brother,” he says carefully as if he was walking on glass, knowing any second it could shatter. And he might because he’s not sure what else he’s supposed to do. Say hey back as if nothing happened? Slap him in the face for all that he put them through? 

His brother fidgets with his fingers before he stands up, and when he takes a step forward, Chanhee takes a step back. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stay here,” he says, raising his hands in defeat. “I just—Although I know it won’t fix anything and it’s probably the last thing you want to hear right now, I just want to say that I’m sorry. Mom and dad told me that you… that you had to drop out and juggle jobs after I left, and I hate that you had to do that. I hate that I… let that happen.” 

“You’re a few months too late, don’t you think?” And Chanhee can taste the venom in his tongue so much that if he bit himself, he’d probably die on the spot. “Maybe you could’ve been sorry the second you decided not to get married to the girl you’d been engaged for three years and dating for seven. Maybe you could’ve been sorry the following week when we had to ask for loans at the bank that they refused because our income wasn’t high enough. Maybe you could’ve been sorry the following month when mom had to retire early because her back was killing her and she was doing double shifts because of you. Maybe you could’ve been sorry when your ex came by the house looking for you to ask for an explanation, but you didn’t. You feel sorry now that everything’s blown up in your face and it’s up to you to fix it,” he snaps, and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until the tears drop on the floor. 

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness, because hell, I know I don’t deserve it. I just wanted to at least apologize and promise you that I’m going to make it right. I will pay you all back for what I did because even though it fucking ruined everything, it was the right choice. I’m just sorry I realized it too late. But I will make up for it, and I will make sure you can finish your studies and not have to worry about me, trust me.” 

“I don’t trust you, Chanwoo, that’s the problem. I don’t trust you anymore because you were all I looked up to and now I can’t even look at you. I wouldn’t have cared if your shit affected me alone, but mom and dad? They gave up everything for you. And what did you do? You decided to go on a trip to find yourself or whatever. And what did you find? Because I hope it was worth it.” 

“If I say that it was, will it make it better?” he asks like he knows the answer will be no anyway. “Look, like I said, I’m not here to ask for forgiveness, I’m just here to tell you, as I told mom and dad yesterday, that I will make things right, no matter what. I will fix my mess, and none of you will have to worry about me or suffer because of my decisions. I’m sorry that I’m already too late for many things, but I’m still hoping there are others that I can fix in time.” 

And for every I’m sorry he says, Chanhee’s anger grows, because although he knows that there’s nothing else his brother can say, it feels so insufficient that it’s upsetting. But he’s trying, and Chanhee’s known him for long enough to know that he’s meant every word he said. Just like Chanhee did. 

“Okay,” is what he says in the end. “Okay, then you better fucking fix it because I’ve already lost so much because of you.” 

“I will, I promise.” He must sense that his promises mean nothing to Chanhee anymore because he offers him a sad smile before he rephrases. “I will show you that I can fix it.” And Chanhee just nods. The tension in the room feels so heavy, suffocating even. He wipes off his tears and hates that he’s cried in front of his brother, but he notices then that his brother’s eyes seem a bit welled up as well. 

“I will become someone that you can look up to again, Chanhee. Thank you for having looked after mom and dad when I was a bad son.” And his brother bows down fully, resting his head on the floor, and Chanhee is paralyzed. “I look forward to the day when you can forgive me.” 

“Me too, hyung.” And that’s as big of a step as he’s going to be taking today. His brother lets out a sob from the floor when he hears it. “Please, stand up, you’re making me uncomfortable,” he almost kneels himself, because although he knows it’s a big sign of respect and a way to show how apologetic he is, it still feels wrong. His brother rises slowly until he’s standing in front of him again, and this time Chanhee doesn’t walk back, but he also doesn’t walk forward either. “When are you going back to Seoul?” 

“Today. I was just waiting to see you before I left so I could apologize and… yeah. I’ll head back today, I have a few job interviews tomorrow, so, fingers crossed,” he sighs. 

“Well, good luck, hyung.” His brother offers him a small smile that Chanhee tries to reciprocate and isn’t sure if he manages. “I’m—I’m gonna go, actually, I’m meeting with a friend,” he lies, but he feels like if he spends another second there, he’ll suffocate. 

“Oh, okay,” Chanwoo says. “I… guess I’ll see you back home in a few weeks, then.” 

A few weeks. 

That’s how long they have left here. 

“Have a safe trip back and… be careful, yeah?” is the last thing he says before he turns around and heads for the door. The water from the shower seems to have ended, and he doesn’t even check if his father is back or not. He just leaves and makes his way to Jaehyun’s apartment. 

He’s not even sure how he looks, but he’s pretty sure he looks wrecked. Thankfully, it’s him who answers the door, and his face morphs into something that’s a mix of concern and something impossibly soft. 

“Oh, Chanhee,” he says before he wraps his arms around him, hugging him so tightly that Chanhee almost feels as if all the pieces that have been just shattered by that conversation get put together somehow. “That must’ve been so hard,” he pats his head, and Chanhee can’t help but break down in his arms again. It’s the third time in the past twenty-four hours. He hopes it’s the last one. “But you did well, I’m proud of you,” he says, pulling him enough away to look at him. He brushes his hair off his face and offers him a sweet smile. “I’m proud of you,” he repeats, and Chanhee just pouts without meaning to, making him giggle. “No need to act cute in front of me, babe, I already like you.” 

“I–I’m not—” Chanhee says between sobs, but Jaehyun breaks the distance to kiss him quickly. 

“I’m kidding,” he whispers against his lips before he kisses him again. 

“Wait—Are your parents—” 

“Away? Yes,” and he pulls from Chanhee’s shirt until he’s inside and closes the door behind him. “And I promised you kisses as a reward, didn’t I? So here we go.” And who is Chanhee to say no to that? He does deserve them. 

(...) 

“We need to figure out a few things before we leave the safety of your bedroom,” Chanhee says perched on his chest, raising and falling with every breath he takes. 

“Which things?” Jaehyun asks, acting dumb. “Are we really having a we need to talk conversation not even a day into whatever this is?” He chuckles. 

“The fact that you’re calling it whatever this is is enough to prove that we need to talk,” Chanhee says, and Jaehyun just sighs. 

“I’d rather just… go with the flow, kiss you some more, you know? It’s been working out well so far,” Chanhee just glares at him, because the last thing he needs right now is not to have certainty about things. “Fine, let’s talk,” he ends up giving in with a defeated sigh. 

“Before we… say anything else, I want to explain,” Chanhee starts, sitting up. “I wanna explain why I acted the way I did back at the campsite. Because I don’t want you to think that I’m like… confused or anything.” 

“I didn’t—” 

“Sh, let me talk,” Chanhee chuckles, and Jaehyun just nods, sitting up as well. “So… well, through this summer, you’ve been occupating my thoughts more and more each day without me being able to do anything about it. Unlike you, I don’t think I… I don’t think I felt like this when we were kids. Which is why it was scary, I guess. I didn’t want to fuck anything up, because of course, I had no idea of what happened that night at Changmin’s. But the point is… Even though I was coming to terms with the fact that I did like you, I didn’t want to do anything about it because… Well, because we have a timer on our backs.” 

“Oh, it’s that talk,” Jaehyun says, and Chanhee bites his lower lip nervously. 

“And I know that it doesn’t have to mean anything, that we can still see each other through the year and stuff, but… I don’t know, I guess the concept of a long-distance relationship scares me. And even if you said that I could come here in summer, the fact that I won’t have my place… I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back without it hurting, you know?”

“But I thought you said your brother was going to take care of everything? You’re still selling the house?” Jaehyun asks, confused. 

“No… The house is already sold, Jaehyun,” he sighs. “We just were able to come one last time and to clear everything out, but it’s already done.” 

“Oh,” he says, and Chanhee nods. “I’m sorry about that, I thought… I thought now maybe you guys could keep it.” 

“I wish,” Chanhee chuckles bitterly, because maybe if his brother came back earlier, they could’ve stopped this, but it was done now. “But the thing is that I don’t want this to be just one summer fling, because you’re not just… anybody.” 

“I don’t want that, either,” Jaehyun adds. “But—” 

“Wait, let me finish,” Chanhee cuts him off again. “And although I pulled away because I was scared, now that we’re here … I think I want to try. The long-distance thing, we can try it once summer’s over if you want.” 

“Can I talk now?” Jaehyun asks, and it looks as if he’s holding back his smile for some reason. Chanhee doesn’t see what’s there to smile about in the situation. 

“Yes, you can talk now,” and Jaehyun chuckles. 

“Okay, first of all, I understand how coming back here after you’ve lost your house would be hard for you, but I still hope you come to visit. Not just for me, but for the rest of the boys as well, because your return not only made me happy, and I think you’ve experienced that through the summer,” he says, and Chanhee smiles thinking about the memories they’ve made together these past two months. “And second of all, I don’t think we’re going to be needing the long-distance thing.” And Chanhee frowns. 

“What do you mean? You want to break up after summer?” Jaehyun holds his gaze for about two seconds before he starts laughing. “Don’t laugh! This is serious!” 

“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one,” Jaehyun says. 

“But you said—You said that you were studying back at home,” Chanhee frowns. 

“I did, but not this year,” he smiles. “I’m starting an internship in a bank in Seoul in September. Which means I’ll be moving there. Which means… no distance relationship needed,” and his smile is so bright that it’s contagious, and Chanhee hugs him. 

It feels like a weight is off his shoulders now, or two, actually. It seems like things are slowly falling into place, healing, even. 

“Are we doing this, then?” Chanhee asks, looking into his eyes. 

“Doing what?” Jaehyun smirks, leaning closer and stealing a kiss from him. “This? I’d like that, yes.” 

“For real,” Chanhee says, holding his face still. 

“For real. After all these years, Choi Chanhee, will you be my boyfriend?” he asks, and Chanhee bites his lower lip to keep himself from smiling. “If you say no right now just to spite me, I am throwing you to the pool without a warning.”

“I’d say that counts as a warning, wouldn’t you?” Chanhee says, Jaehyun using his strength to pull him down in bed and rolling over him, tilting his head and smirking. 

“So?” And once again, he knows that with that smile he could get anything he wants. Good thing Chanhee was already won over from the start. 

“Yeah,” he says, arms around his neck. “Yeah, I’ll be your boyfriend.” And if they’re late for their meeting with their friends later, then today they won’t blame each other. 

And if their friends catch on to what’s going on between them the second they step into the bar, they pay them no mind, either. 

[Epilogue]

It’s their last night before going back to Seoul. The house is now empty of all their stuff, Chanhee’s parents having gone back and forth the past few days between the city and the apartment to make sure everything was ready by the time they have to leave it. 

The sight is quite heartbreaking, even if it’s just a few walls and now empty corners. So many things happened between them that Chanhee felt choked up as Jaehyun came to pick him up to go to their last bonfire night. He’ll be sleeping at Jaehyun’s tonight since his parents have already left, and he’ll be driving to Seoul with Jaehyun in the morning. 

They’re having dinner by the beach, and there are supposed to be fireworks to signal the end of Summer. 

“No sadness allowed, alright?” Changmin says as they arrive. “You’ll come back next year!” and Chanhee just smiles and lets himself be dragged along. 

Everyone is already there, and they’ve already started making the food as well, they could smell it from outside the beach. 

“Just a little bit,” Chanhee tells his friend before he does a round of hugs, ending back in Jaehyun’s arms, who kisses his head.

“Just a little bit,” Jaehyun says as well.

They head to help out with the food since Sangyeon can’t cope with everything and nobody else seems to be helping with that. They’re too busy setting everything up and going to get the drinks, so it’s a team effort, really. 

“I know it’s been a while, but I can’t believe you two are dating,” Kevin says out of nowhere as Chanhee’s at down on Jaehyun’s lap because there aren’t enough chairs yet. 

“And that’s how you know that you’re new here,” Haknyeon chuckles. “Hyung’s been pining for Chanhee hyung for ages, even when I was a kid I could see it. We teased him so much for it, I can’t believe you didn’t know,” he tells Chanhee and he can’t believe that. Well, he can believe it, but still, he just… never thought about it. 

“Alright, enough laughing on my account. After all, I ended up winning, didn’t I? So follow your dreams, guys, even if they seem out of reach and like they’re never going to return,” Jaehyun smiles at Chanhee with so much warmth in his eyes that he puts the bonfire at their feet to shame. 

“So am I a dream now? I thought I was your nightmare,” Chanhee says, tickling him where he knows he feels it the most. 

“There we go, nothing has changed at all,” Younghoon chuckles from next to them. The only thing that changes is that Jaehyun kisses Chanhee right after. 

“Can’t get used to that, actually,” Sangyeon giggles. “Here, lovebirds, pass the plates over there and get a chair for each of you. Juyeon just came back with the last set,” and Chanhee blushes as he gets up to do as he’s told. 

And dinner goes by too quickly, just like their summer together did. But they spend the whole time recalling old adventures from the time when Chanhee was there, telling him about ones that he missed and thinking back on everything they did through the summer. 

Before they know it, the fireworks are going off, lighting up the night sky in a million different colors, proving that even in the darkness, some light could be found, too.

“So, did we do it?” Eric asks Chanhee as they go off. Chanhee turns around to look at him in confusion. 

“Did what?” He asks him. 

“Give you the best summer of your life,” and Chanhee remembers their pact from the first week he was there. How they pretty much took an oath to make this summer unforgettable for him since it would be their ‘last’ together. 

And as Chanhee looks around him, with all his friends looking at the show with smiles almost as bright as the fireworks themselves, when he looks over at Jaehyun, next to him and holding his hand between his, when he takes a deep breath and the smell of the ocean has been mixed with the powder and the smoke from their delicious dinner, he smiles. 

Jaehyun turns around to look at him, then, and Chanhee’s smile only grows. 

“Yeah, yeah, you did,” he nods. “This, right here… This is timeless.” 

And as the last fireworks go off, Jaehyun turns him around to face him and kisses him deeply, now that everyone’s attention is elsewhere. 

Chanhee kisses him back until he’s out of breath, but even then, he wants to pull him closer just in case he vanishes now that summer is over. 

But he knows that he won’t.

Because it truly feels like they will be happy ever after. 

“I love you,” Jaehyun whispers against his lips, but his words are louder than the explosions over their heads. “I love you so much.” 

And Chanhee smiles. 

“And I love you.” 

This will be timeless, too.