Work Text:
1. Theft
“And so you simply can’t take what you wish to eat without exchanging something of equal value,” a Hyuuga MP officer explains to the sugar-high toddlers, “so your parents will have to pay money or volunteer you for errands to make up for the mochi you all stole.”
2. Murder
Yoichi Aburame squinted. “Clearly,” he informs his boss, “the murder was premediated, done with malice and deliberate forethought as to the suffering of the deceased. I wouldn’t reccomend anything but the harshest punishment for the offenders.”
His boss turns to the right. “Extra training and a written apology as to why burning ants with a spyglass isn’t an appropriate way to frighten an Aburame it is, Iruka-sensei!”
3. Arson
“And the whole forest just went up on its own despite you only using a C-rank fire jutsu?” the desk chunin clarified. “Are you sure?”
Sasuke tilted his sunglasses, by now approved Konoha MP attire down. “Like a match dropped into sake.”
The desk chunin shuddered. “Remind me to never sign up for the MP firefighting courses if this is the result.” Sasuke nodded amiably, forgetting by complete to mention the experimental firespreader seals the Konoha MP had also been testing out.
4. Kidnapping
“The kidnapper says he will return the hostage for three sticks of dango, no bath tonight, and getting to stay up three hours past his bedtime.”
Shikako squinted. “Two hours, one stick of dango, and a bath but he gets to use some of my fancy bath salts.” A shriek of joy is heard as Shikamaru, the obliging hostage, is released so Kino could run over and start demanding his dango.
5. Breaking and Entering
“-and not only did I enter the office of the Hokage illegally, for which I apologise, but I must also apologise for taking the orders of Danzo Shimura, who does not have the authority to go against the Hokage or put seals on me without permission.” Sai folds his apology paper, his role in the meeting done.
Tsunade grunts from her position on the desk.
“And Hokage-sama, now that my daughter has removed the ROOT seal from all the operatives found aside from those embedded in ANBU, you’ll be able to hear more of these apologies and respond to them personally, correct?” smiles Yoshino Nara, slightly disheveled in the way that only nin going with less than three days of sleep and low chakra could be.
Tsunade lifts her head up “If the Konoha MP handle the onboarding process into general forces life for the rest of ROOT I will listen to every terrible apology you make them read out,” she grumbles.
+1 Vandalism
“The entire Hokage Monument is painted glittery orange, and just before the diplomatic delegation from Sand is set to arrive,” moans Tsunade, bedecked in her formal robes. “I can only hand this over to the MP to complete with some modicum of secrecy.”
“Hokage-sama,” says Naruto Uzumaki, fresh back from his training trip, “The cool new Konoha Military Police edition of the Lucky Sevens are on the case! This genius prankster won’t know what hit them!”