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in the back of my mind (you died, i killed you)

Summary:

Ayato, having been declared missing right before the day of him being given the title as the Head of the Clan, made Ayaka forced to took over the title as the Head of Kamisato Clan instead. Throughout the 8 years, she did her duties, as her innocence were tainted with all the things that is evil. Making her the person she is as of now. 5 months ago, however, Ayato appeared in front of Komore Teahouse, alive, albeit broken and bleeding out at the street of Inazuma in a rainy day.

Speed up to 5 months later, however, he regained his cunning, sassy, and playful personality back, but that is not the sibling's happy ending yet, as Ayato's perpetrator was still yet to be found.

It is left to Ayaka to look for the sick person kidnapping his brother years ago.

Notes:

hi!! this was mostly inspired by AngstDays work, called Now (No Longer) Just Memory please do check out their amazing work :O

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: sorry (i didn't meant to make your brother traumatized)

Chapter Text

In front of the room that was lit up by standing lamps, sakura petals can be seen falling on the garden. In the room, lays one futon with a man whose hair was light blue. Next to the bed, were a girl with a hair color matching with his -- his sister -- tending to his wound with movement graceful as a lady commissioner would. Ointment, bandages a bowl of water stood silently next to them, keeping them company in the dead of the night. 

“I’m sorry,”

Ayaka, graceful as she is, doesn’t look up from changing his bandages. Carefully, she dropped an ointment prescribed by the family doctor, concentrating on the slowly healing scars. She opened her mouth.

“What for?”

“For taking your time when there’s much to be done as a commissioner.”

When Ayato was first brought to the estate, with condition worse than his current condition, his family doctor and Thoma had offered Ayaka to routinely do check-ups and tend to his wound. But Ayaka insisted on tending to his wound personally. Of course, she had to ask instruction on the doctor on what to do, and check-ups by the doctor are still being done regularly. Stuff as changing Ayato’s wound, putting ointment, cleaning up his wounds – stuff that Thoma has offered to do, more than one time in the past, however -- is something that Ayaka insisted to do personally.

“He’s my brother, Thoma. Let me handle this matter by myself,” She stared at him sternly, after some arguments. “I could count it as spending times that was stolen because he was kept in captivity by those bastards. I can also protect him, if any people were to wish him harm, or somehow successfully managed to get to his room.” 

With a smile still present on her lips, she looked at her dearest brother. “If one enjoys spending time with another, can it still be called as ‘taking up one’s time?’” She smiled to him, before gently pressing on the scar with a cotton ball. “Tending to a commissioner’s sibling is a duty as important as any other commissioner’s duty.”

He chuckled at that. “There’s no need for all that beautifully arranged wise words if you’re around me, my dearest sister. After all we’re both in this together, no?”

Ayaka sighed. What he hinted as ‘in this together’ is the act that they have to put on being the perfect, robots who can gracefully let out wise words anytime anywhere may it be in front of the higher-ups or even the common people.

“I guess it has becomes a habit that is hard to remove, then.” Ayaka softly said. She finishes up giving the ointment and wraps the bandages with the fresh ones. “How’s your sleep? Any nightmares?”

At that, Ayaka felt himself tense up. Worry began to creep up on herself, she might have regretted asking this if not that she had experienced this kind of thing before. She had agreed with Thoma, as well as his doctor, that this is healthy, it needs to be talked out. After all, Ayato had been missing for 8 years, with the whole estate believing that he was dead, drowned somewhere at the ocean of Inazuma, turning out in the span of those 8 years he had been obtaining bruises, wounds and whatnot, with Ayato saying that those years he had been experimented to obtain some kind of ‘potion’ by some kind of nobushis group. The perpetrator had been caught and the group of Nobushis present were 5, but Ayaka doesn't believe it is all of them. She believes there is someone, a sick individual with an unknown motivation to scheme all this sick shit. Because of this, nightmares of course are bound to happen. Ayaka promised herself afterward, to catch whoever sick bastard who did it, until her last breath.

“Can I… not talk about tonight?”

Ayaka stares at him far more longer than necessary. “Do you prefer talking about it with other person beside me? Thoma, perhaps. Or the doctor even?”

Ayato bites his lips as he stared at the tatami, seemingly avoiding Ayaka’s worried gaze. “Yes, if you please.”

Ayaka holds in a sigh. It’s okay, if Ayato prefers talking about it to others, there’s no need to be over possessive about it, she reminded herself. “Okay.”

It has been 5 months since he was first brought to the estate, wounded and broken, he even screamed at the sight of her. His condition however, had gotten well throughout the time. Ayato regained his sassy and cunning personality back, and Ayaka was glad of it. Not long before that, Thoma barges in with a tray of 3 dango milks, interrupting her thought. He told them that it was the Shogun’s favorite drink.

“Shogun’s favorite drinks!” Ayaka exclaims as she covers her mouth with her palm. “How would you know that?”

Thoma laughs at that, as if he’s proud of that information he obtained. “Well, apparently the Traveler went for a walk with the Shogun herself yesterday, and they stopped by to drink this unique drink together.” Thoma held his glasses up high. “Interesting, right?” he said before swallowing one big gulp on his glass.

“Interesting indeed, that one fellow.” Ayato hums.

Ayaka would prefer spending more time with 3 of them. She would even prefer eternity, as Shogun declared, with them. But a quick glance at the moon hanging over them told her that it was time to go. After all, a lady commissioner with so much duty can not choose what to do to spend her time, right?

“I will leave now, Brother, Thoma.” She declares, and she holds Ayato’s hand, squeezes them not so tightly and then unsqueezes them. It is a gesture for both of them to reassure that they both will be okay. “Do tell him about tonight, okay?”

Before Ayato leaves, Ayaka was stopped by a hand not letting her go. She turned her head to see Ayato squeezing her hand tightly, with that puppy eyes of his. Ayaka inwardly rolled her eyes, from whom did he learn that thing?

“Must you leave so early?” Ayato pouted lightly.

“What are you? A child?” Ayaka teasingly flicked his forehead, prompting an ouch from him.  “It is regarding the shuumatsuban. I have to attend to them regarding an important issue.”

Ayaka was a good liar, she knew from how many people she had deceived and trusted her words easily. However, there are few people who managed to catch her lies, even though not many. One is the Guuji Yae herself and the other one, being her brother. After all, they are siblings who share almost indentical skills.

Howver, not all her lies can be recognized by her brother, especially when her brother is tired or too distracted by the other matters, so she hopes that this is one of the time Ayato did not catch it. She smiled at him, and then to Thoma, before standing.

“Try not to stare somewhere else and maintain your gaze when you are lying to someone,”

Ayaka stopped dead on her track, her heart felt like it just dropped.

“Then, maybe, I could not catch your lies next time.”

Ayaka gulped, but she made a mental note of that.

“Farewell, brother.”

She then left the room.

“Well.” Thoma cleared his throat. He hated it when the siblings do that, the air always seems too intense. “I recall Ayaka telling me to tell you about your night?” He tilted his head lightly.

-

Chinju forest reminded her not only of the Traveler, it also reminded her of the first assassination attempt that was done by a group of hired Nobushis.

It was one of her first days of being announced as the commissioner, people underestimates her, naturally. She is young, unexperienced, and the only assumed heir of the Kamisato family, with parents dead and a brother missing. ‘Bad’ people naturally would aim for her head. It was one of those days when she’s just so overwhelmed with everything, the duties, the higher-ups talking down on her, the pressure of the people upon her job as a commissioner. Therefore, to a lonely place she wanted to go, little did he know that a group of Nobushis were waiting for her there.

It is also the day when she first spilled blood on her hands.

It was rather strange, looking at the blood on her hands. Even though she trembled, she felt no regret, seeing those people beg for their lives, saying that they are ‘forced’ to do it. Was it right for her to feel no regret when the people who were about to kill you beg for their lives? It feels almost funny. She doesn’t feel like there’s something wrong with it. Everyone had someone to protect, after all.

“Show yourselves.” Ayaka declared to a forest which seemingly devoid of people. But Ayaka could hear their nasty breaths even from here.

True to her words, a group of treasure hoarders came out of their hiding place. Cocky smiles present on their face, and Ayaka couldn’t wait to erase their smiles off of their faces.

This afternoon, a note was left underneath her pillow, on the piece of paper it is written:

“If you loved your brother so dearly,

Come to the Chinju Forest, 11.00 PM

Alone.”

Ayaka assumed that it was the job of an insider. No one should be able to get into her room without the guards noticing. True to her words, after some investigation, a freshly hired servants -- barely 3 months in and her job was to sweep the yard -- was taken in after some alibis.

“Please please forgive me my lady, I was forced.”

Kneeling on her knees with legs shackled on the underground prison beneath the estate, the servant begged. Beside her was Thoma, and few members of the shuumatsuban to keep her company. Even though with all those people willing to help the process of investigation, Ayaka felt headache forming at the back of her head. This ‘forced’ kind of excuse were something that Ayaka hated the most. Lots of people in the past who has attempted assassination on her or sabotages Kamisato’ s business, upon being at the end of her sword mostly just let out the ‘forced’ excuse, which turned out to be a lie.

“Please forgive me, Commissioner, I was forced by those guys!”

“My lady, please forgive me, I did not do it on my own accord. It was the bad guys!!!”

“Don’t kill me, please. I have a wife and a kid. Those people threatened to kill them, I-I was forced…”

The said ‘bad guys’ apparently doesn’t exist. It was just a disgusting attempt of acting as a weak people who were ‘forced’ to do it. When in the end, they were the one who made the decision, to join, may it be group of treasure hoarders, group of nobushis, or a rising new clan who wanted to topple down the Kamisatos, with hope of pocketing Moras. Ayaka hated dealing with it, but if this servant turned out to be one of those weak people who were really ‘forced’ to do it, Ayaka would be damned.

“What’s your command, milady?” Thoma stared at her.

She lets out a sigh. “Listen to her excuses. Investigate whether she is telling the truth or not. If it is just a poor attempt of saving her own lives, then –“

“Please believe me milady, I didn’t li—“

An echoing slap was heard in the small dungeon. A member of Shumatsuuban, Kimura Nakami, watches with disapproval to the shackled servant. “Have some respect to the lady, be quiet!”

“Kimura,” Ayaka glances as she raises her palm, a sign for him to stop. Upon seeing it, Kimura retracted his hand, even though the damage cannot be undone. The servant lays there, whimpering, a red handprint was evident on her face. “Innocent until proven guilty.” Ayaka looked down on her, if look could kill, the servant would be long gone.

Ayaka then opened her fan and covered her lips. “As I was saying, if she is telling the truth, let her go, give her family or children protection from these ‘bad guys’ that forced her to do it, but never let her step onto the Kamisato estate ever again.”

Hope was glimmering on the servant’s eyes, she looked as if she were about to cry.

“But, if she lied,” their eyes met. “Kill her.”

Then, the stars on her eyes vanished. Her trembling seemed to be much worse.

“Thoma.” She called, and Thoma followed. They both then went upstairs whereas the remaining shumatsuuban dealt with the matter.

“Tonight, it is time to change milord’s bandages.”

“I know,” upon hearing Thoma’s words, her frown disappeared and a smile was evident on her face. “After all, I’m looking forward for it.”     

 

“So, Lady Ayaka,”

Ayaka frowned, they didn’t even call her right. Well whatever, tonight is the last day they could stand in Inazuma, so she will let this pass.

“How’s your brother?”

“Not your business,” Ayaka said coldly. “However, what’s your business with me?”

“That’s rude,” the treasure business tutted, he then let out some kind of device. It is small tape recorder, and Ayaka had a bad feeling about it. “But this, shall pique your interest.”

When the treasure hoarder played the tape, there’s some groaning, and then, a loud shriek.

It took Ayaka longer than necessary to realize, those were the sound of his brother.

“Don’’t p-please… ugh!” the voice begged. “N-no, Ayaka, mother—“

Perhaps it was her anger, or that she doesn’t want to hear the sound of his brother suffering anymore, that she rushed forward, sword in hand and screamed. She sent few icicles of frost toward the groups, before disappearing to the land and ran toward them.

“No! Where is she!?”

A scream that wasn’t her brother’s were heard, her icicles must have found its targets. That made her heart at ease, her brother’s captor’s companions were dead, and it delighted her. When she appeared on the land at last, sword was about to make the treasure hoarder’s captain head and his body separated, he said some words that made Ayaka regained back her sanity.

“IF YOU KILL ME, YOU WON’T KNOW WHO IS BEHIND YOUR BROTHER’S CAPTIVITY!!!”

The end of her sword already touched his neck, albeit not deep enough to kill, blood still flows freely from the puncture. She glanced from her right and left. On her right, a treasure hoarder was gravely injured, having his stomach punctured by her icicle, another one didn’t show a sign of breathing as the icicle punctured his head. On her left, the shuumatsuban that she instructed to follow her has joined in, capturing a treasure hoarder and putting knife in front of his neck, ready to slice it at Ayaka’s command.

“There’s another perpetrator beside you freaks?”

“Please—please listen to me, I—“

“Don’t waste my time.” She pushed her sword deeper, making blood runs more freely down his white shirt.

“Yes, yes I’m sorry. Listen, we- we have nothing to do with it! We—we swear! We know one or two about the Kamisato kid who’s long gone having been tortured, and finally saved. But we have nothing to do with his kidnapping nor torturing! We were just passing by when we found this tape, and we heard it ourselves just now, right? Ayaka! It must be your name! S-so, we decided to give it to you!” he blabbered.

“Give? Don’t play dumb on me. If your story is correct, you were about to bribe me, when you don’t even have a clue on who was the perpetrator behind the kidnapping of my brother.” Ayaka hissed, venom present on her tone. “If that is all information and all the stuff that you have, then there’s no need for me to keep you and your friends alive, right? I could just, kill you right here.”

“NO!!! We know more than that I swear!”

Ayaka grimaced upon seeing his sweat dirtied the end of her sword. “What do you know?”

The treasure hoarders cleared his threat, and a smile was again, present on that bastard face,

“Uh—before I talk, don’t shove your sword on my neck—if you please?”

“How dare you!” Nasagi, the member of shuumatsuban who handles the other treasure hoarder shouted. Ayaka sighed, before raising up her hand. She then stared coldly toward the leader of the treasure hoarder.

“You dare to command me, when you know I could just end your life right here?”

“You can kill me, and not get the information of your brother’s your choice,” the treasure hoarder said smugly. "But you can offer us 50 Million Mora, and get the information that you needed, all of it, that we know, also your choice,”

“50 Million? My lady!”

Ayaka massaged her forehead, as if that could erase the growing headache forming at her forehead. “Or, we both could take you captive, torture you until you get the information I need,” Ayaka said, she doesn’t retract her sword fully, she only retraced it slightly so it doesn’t puncture his skin. As she walks in circle, the end of her sword followed his neck. “We could break your nails, one by one, 10 of them. And then if you still don’t want to talk, your fingers, 10 of them. After that, your ankles, 2 of them. Still no? We’ll move to your hands, 2 of them. And if you still don’t want to talk…” Ayaka whispered toward his ears. “Maybe then, breaking your rib, one by one, will make you.”

“B-boss…” the treasure hoarder that was on Nasagi’s hold pleaded. 

“But, it would take us long time to talk…” the treasure hoarder still tried. “Your choice too, of course, to waste your time torturing us whereas your brother’s captor walk freely on the land that you loved the most, waiting to take your brother again.”

Ayaka balled up her fist. She had enough of this. “Let me tell you, this, then,” Ayaka said. “All my 8 years of being a commissioner, I along with the shuumatsuban have captured 45 likes of you, who were a danger to either Inazuma or my family. We trust the Tenryou commission of course, but well, sometimes there are matters that I liked to attend to personally,” she finally retracted her sword, and gazed toward it. She touched it lightly with her gloved hand and saw her reflections on the blade. “Such the likes of you. And you know what?” she pointed the end of her sword back at his neck again and started to walk in circles yet again. “We have succeeded in bringing out the information that we need every, single, time. All 45 of them, what makes you think you would be an exception?” Ayaka raised her eyebrow.

At that, the treasure hoarder trembled, and she knew that, she had won this game, even though there are still some steps she has yet to take.

“As I said,” the treasure hoarder doesn’t falter. “It is your choice, to waste time when you can choose another way that I had already offered. For being one of the three commission in Inazuma, 50 million must not be a large sum for you, no?”

Ayaka sighed out loud, why must people made it harder for themselves? To hell with all this mora, but there is no way Ayaka would let these greedy treasure hoarder take away large sum of Yashiro Commission’s resources, the people’s money, just like that. “Very well then,” Ayaka retracted her sword, and she opened her fan, covering her lips. At this, the treasure hoarder smiled.

“Nanami,”

One member of shuumatsuban then jumped down the tree and swiftly put a knife in front of the treasure hoarder’s leader neck, at this the leader’s eyes sparked confusion. Is that not a sign of the lady agreeing with their condition?

“If you prefer to not be able to walk with your legs, or being blind for the rest of your life, that is your choice then.” Ayaka turned away from them.

“W-w-what?” the treasure hoarder panicked. “10 million, just 10 million then!”

“Ah, what a beautiful night, the moon even reveals itself,” Ayaka hummed, ignoring his scream.

“No! You can’t do this to us!” the treasure hoarder practically screamed, but Nanami keeps holding onto him tighter and harsher.

“However, it is a pity that you both cannot see the moon in the prison, it is after all, located in the underground.”

“1 MILLION! Please, if you torture us you will be wasting your resources and your time!!!” Now, it is the underling who desperately screamed.

Ayaka rolled her eyes. “Let’s go, Nanami, Nasagi,”

“WE’LL TALK, WE’LL TALK, WE’LL TALK!!! PLEASE DON’T TORTURE US!!”   

Ayaka halted, she turned around and see that the treasure hoarder trembling so much. Poor them, snot and tears can even be seen streaming down his face. Bad Ayaka, what has she done? She smiled, however. Even though her way is a bit cruel, she knew that she would win.

“Do talk then.”

“Uh…” the treasure hoarder. “W-we don’t… get to actually see his face…”

“How was his voice, then?”

“H-he… sounded so smug… and he claimed to be… one of the Fatui Harbringers…”

At the mention of that, Ayaka tensed. “What?”

“He said that people call him…” the treasure hoarder lifted his head, eyes meeting Ayaka’s wary gaze. “‘The Doctor,’”

-
“My lady!”

When Thoma saw Ayaka walking toward Ayato's room, Thoma stood up. He had been knitting a shawl, that he thought was rather cute. It was a matching shawl for 3 of them, and has dogs here and there, he can’t wait to present those to them. Ayato had gone to sleep, therefore Thoma waited for Ayaka while knitting outside his room.

However, seeing Ayaka so tense, Thoma quickly dropped his knitting equipment, and ran toward Ayaka.

“My la-“ Thoma remembered, that Ayato and Ayaka insisted on calling them by their name when they were alone. It is almost midnight, and most of the servants have likely gone to sleep. “Ayaka,” Thoma said, holding onto Ayaka. She seemed like she was about to fall by the way she walks. “What happened?”

Ayaka stares at him, her eyes dead. Thoma hated when he see her like this, this happens when either Ayaka is faced with complicated issue or stresses the fuck out of her mind. Ayaka hugged Thoma, tightly, she buried her face onto his chest.

“My lady, the servant will see, let’s go in front of Milord’s room instead, okay? Milord is asleep.”

Ayaka nodded, but doesn’t let go of Thoma’s body. They then walked down and plopped beside Thoma’s knitting equipment. “How was the meeting? Are you okay?”

“Physically, yes. Mentally? I’m falling apart, Thoma.”

Thoma sighed, and he started to run his fingers down her hair. It always calmed the two siblings down whenever the two of them were stressed.

“Did you find who out the perpetrator was?”

“Those bastards said that the perpetrator would how themselves in a week.”

Thoma raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“Those bastards said so. At the Chinju Forest, again, at the same hour, but like, in a week.” Ayaka placed her head on Thoma’s shoulder. She blinked and then looked up at Thoma. “Have you heard of The Doctor? The Fatui Harbringers member…”

“All I know is that I never heard good news about him. What about him?”

“They said that he was the perpetrator behind Ayato’s kidnapping…” Ayaka trembled, and upon hearing that, Thoma stopped caressing Ayaka’s hair.

“Are you kidding me?”

“I hope, Thoma. I hope!” Ayaka felt her eyes tear up, the before she knows it, tears are already streaming down her face. She then buried her face onto her palms. “I really doubt it. But what if it’s true, Thoma?”

“Hey, hey,” Thoma shushed her, and pushed her head onto his chest, letting her head lay there. “Whatever happened, we will get through this together, okay? You’ve dealt with matters similar to this in the past. You are not alone, Ayaka.”

Ayaka nodded, whereas Thoma let her cry out onto the night, after all this is one of the rare times she cried.