Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Grian has always wanted to be an architect.

Ever since he was little he built houses out of wooden blocks, and then when he got a bit older he used any building material he could get. Clay, stones, snow, anything was up for grabs. So, he applied to a university for people like him to learn about things he loves so he can do it for a job and make his parents proud. It all sounds like a dream come true... Well, he was miles away from all his family and friends in a city he didn't know. And okay, maybe he was unbelievable stressed out from the coursework and the amount of writing and research he didn't think he had to do. But hey, this is what he wanted, so he should be happy.

Grian was now in the second year of university and two years into his course, and this time, he was not going to let himself get distracted. He would be head down the entire time and think about nothing but work. There was one problem...

This year his class got merged with the other architect class that were doing the same course to account for all the dropouts, which they were many. And his new desk neighbour was... interesting to say the least.

His classroom neighbour was a tall and broad man, Very tall. Many Grian was just short but the stranger looked like he could pick him up with ease. He seemed... fake. Always smiling with that wolfish grin of his, always got this superficial shine in his incredible deep green eyes- Not that Grian paid him much notice, he didn't seem like the best influence so they never made much conversation.

It was only the first few weeks but the burnt-out student tried to keep his head down as much as possible and blur everything around him so all he could see was his massive to-do list and all he could hear was his teacher's dull tones. And yet, his neighbour's voice still managed to pierce through his bubble.

"-y, could I borrow a pencil? Or a pen? I uh- forgot mine," The towering man spoke with the softest of tones, his voice was deep, and kind, it was a lot of things, but it was definitely something that caught his attention.

"Oh- Um yeah, sure," Quickly, Grian rummaged through his pencil case full of lead dust before offering a pen and pencil.

Their fingers brushed as his classmate grabbed it, his skin was rough and yet gentle, and with a sheepish grin, he uttered in his charming voice, "Thanks."

The shorter man tried not to think about it as the class drained his energy, each tick of the clock being ingrained into his brain, but he couldn't ignore the fact that it frazzled his mind in ways he hated. He must really be touch-starved...

At the end of class, as he was packing his bags, a tapping was felt on his shoulder.

"Thanks again," A kind voice uttered as a pen and pencil were placed into his hands, the touch sending electricity coursing through his skin, it was awful.

And with that, he left, never even giving him his name.

-

Through eavesdropping and a process of elimination, Grian found out that the long-haired brunet's name was Scar.

It was good that he knew that because it slowly became a habit for the shorter young adult to have to give his desk neighbour a pen and pencil every single day. And each time he would sheepishly ask for one, giving another excuse that was always different. It began with forgetting, losing them under the couch, to really bizarre things like it getting run over by a truck or his grandma accidentally eating them.

Grian actually started looking forward to hearing his next story of why he couldn't bring a pen or a pencil to his classes. But the thing that really meant a lot was that he always gave it back at the end of class.

As Scar sat down in his chair, the other blurted out, "What is it this time? An alligator thought it was a duck and swallowed them whole?"

"Ooh! That's a good one!" His smile shone back, nearly as bright as the sun, but Grian couldn't stop himself from noticing how it was crooked, and how much more charming it made his cheerful grin.

Rolling his eyes, the dirty blonde man offered his pen and pencil that were now designated for Scar, "Here."

He was always grateful, every time, maybe a bit too much for just a simple pen but he still smiled from ear to ear as his hands clumsily grabbed it, his skin grazing by longer than it should. It always short-circuited his brain, every time, and maybe that's why he kept on giving him pens and pencils even if it meant he would have to do this for his entire course.

It became their little routine, and Grian loved routines.

-

Grian knew that group projects were coming up soon, and he was dreading them more and more. Mainly because all the other times he's been in a group project with others, he did a large majority of the work which was incredibly stressful. So when the teacher told everyone to find a partner, he quickly tried to find someone he knew. Before he could do much though, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Uh hey," It was his desk neighbour, the mystery himself, "I was wondering if you wanted to be partners?"

Great... Grian's eyes returned to the class to see that all his friends had already been chosen by the new students, so there wasn't much of a choice... "Sure."

Scar's face lit up instantly, flashing a toothy smile as he instantly started to ramble, "Oh great! Because I already have a few ideas for what we could do-"

And on and on he went. It was impressive how much he could talk before he had to gasp for air. It was even more impressive how many ideas he had for a simple prompt, even though Grian struggled to write them all down. He was very... passionate, to say the least.

"And maybe there could be like uh- Have you ever been to Disney land?" The brunet man spoke so quickly that it took a while to figure out that it was a question for him.

"Uh- no I haven't-"

"You haven't?!" Outrage filled his voice but somehow Grian knew that it wasn't directed at him, "Hang on-"

Suddenly, he pulls out his phone and it doesn't take long until pictures of different victorian and tutor-style houses and designs were put in front of his face, "Basically, in the park, there are different areas where-"

"Isn't the prompt for a modern craftsman-style house?"

His green eyes blinked, and suddenly it dawned on him how offtopic he had gotten, "oh uh... right."

A bashful pink glow struck on his tanned skin, averting his gaze as he rubbed at the back of his neck, it was... Grian snapped himself out of his stance, he must seem like such a weirdo for staring so much. As his mind wandered, he picked up Scar's phone, with a cracked screen and cat popsocket, that was still on his desk, noticing a few images of the park that could be useful. Grian leaned in to show him, scooting his chair closer, just so he could see of course.

"We could use these windows for the design," He pointed out, "And this colour palette."

His new partner leaned in too until their shoulders touched, making it hard to concentrate, "Oh yeah!"

And they stayed like that for a while, pointing out ideas they could use, at least until their teacher told them to start packing up their stuff. Grian moved quickly, leaning away from the touch to put his notebook into his backpack. And as he was walking away, somebody grabbed his wrist.

The towering man lift up his wrist until his palm was up and with his other hand a slip of paper was placed, through a chuckle he spoke, "Text me if you have any non-Disney related ideas."

And with that, he left.

Unravelling the paper, clumsily written with a familiar borrowed pen was a number with a name underneath.

'Scar :D'

-

Grian was sitting outside with a few of his friends by a large oak tree, picking at cold chips he picked up from the cafeteria, usually, this would have been a peaceful moment but his mind was buzzing with activity. In his other hand, he still held the slip of paper that Scar had given him. He had drawn little doodles around the paper, stars and planets, it was... cute. And that was a problem.

"What is that?" Impulse's voice interrupted through his intense staring contest with a piece of paper.

"Jesus-" Grian nearly jumped out of his skin before clearing his throat and putting it away in his pocket, "It's uh- Just my new partner's number, for work reasons, obviously."

"Ohh right, you have Scar, right?"

Harshly swallowing a dry chip, the dirty blonde man spluttered out, "You- You know him?"

"Know him? Everybody knows Scar," Impulse uttered like it was a true and simple fact, Grian looked around at his other friend's faces and see them nodding in approval.

"The uh- Long hair- the tall dude with a cane, that Scar?" Doc questioned.

"What other Scars do you know?" Ren answered.

"You don't know everybody that I know."

"Alright, alright-" The shortest member interrupted, speaking with his hands, "Seeing as I'm the last person to know this guy, could anybody tell me what I'm getting myself into?"

A quick look that everyone gave to another, followed by a snicker and knowing grins, made his stomach twist up into a tight ball of regret. Etho spoke up first from the giggling bunch of girls he had unfortunately called his friends.

"Scar is... a really nice dude, I think you would like him," There was a certain twinkle in his eye that was hard to decipher with his mask covering most of his face.

"Oh yeah, I mean, the man is nothing if not passionate," Impulse noted with bashful concerned tones intertwined in his words, "He probably works as hard as you do seeing as how many times I've found out passed out on any surface he can."

"Okay..." Grian trailed his words with narrowed eyes, "And the catch is...?"

Doc had the most mischievous smirk on his face as he spoke, "Well... Let's just say that his attention span is less than none. Nothing against the guy but he can get swept away with his ideas and thoughts."

"I've seen him tell a 2-minute story in an hour with how many side tracks and backstories he gets distracted by," Ren noted casually.

"That explains why I spent a lot of my time looking at Disney land today..."

With a sigh, Grian went back to his chips that were now cold and as hard as a rock, wishing he could have gotten a dip or maybe a better partner. Babysitting an absent-minded daydreamer so he could get a passing grade wasn't his idea of an ideal situation but there wasn't much he could do now. He should just get this over and done with as quickly as possible so he'll have enough time to do the majority of it by himself... again.

-

Scar let out a muffled scream into a pillow at his friends' crowded apartment, who were trying their best to comfort him. He had just let himself in and was laying down on the couch, taking up the entire setee with his crisis.

"I don't understand why you're so upset, I mean, it worked, you're his partner!" False noted, leaning against the head of the couch.

Scar lifted his head just to exclaim, "Yeah but I already messed it up! I barely let him speak the entire time!"

"Oh, you poor helpless romantic," Bdubs spoke as he sat cross-legged on the floor, chuckling to himself, patting at his hair.

Mumbo walked in and sat down on the arm of the couch, holding a mug of coffee, "Scar, I understand you're upset but can I get my couch back?"

The man finally sat up, holding the pillow to his chest tightly as his friends sat next to him, "Maybe I could fix this, is there any way you guys could find out what he likes-"

"No, no, we've already done a favour for you by partnering with his friends so he'd say yes, you're just gonna have to talk to him," Cub spoke, not even looking away from his tablet where he was drawing concept ideas, "You still owe me my I.O.U by the way."

The brunet took a deep breath and screamed even louder into his pillow until he flopped onto his couch, looking up at the cracking ceiling with defeat. Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Taking it out, he nearly jumped right out of his seat if his legs didn't hurt as much as they did. Grian just texted him! Oh god, Grian texted him.

(Grian) 1:13 pm
Library tomorrow, 4th free period
this is grian btw

A gleeful noise erupted from his throat as he flapped his arms in excitement, "Oh gosh, oh my goodness, what do I say? What do I do?"

Bdubs looked over his shoulder and pursed his lips, "Probably just okay,"

Scar's fingers furiously typed as he quickly sent out a message.

(Scar) 1:14 pm
O.K ;D

His emerald eyes stared at the text intensely and nearly folded in on himself when he saw that it had been read. Bringing up his knees to his chest, he buried his face into his support pillow, "... Gosh, I'm hopeless..."

And all his friends could do was nod as they patted his shoulder and head in an attempt to comfort him. But all Scar could think as he let his mind drift, was how much he wished for tomorrow to arrive quicker.

Chapter Text

Scar didn't always want to be an architect.

His dream was, well it still is, to be an artist. But unfortunately, the world doesn't take kindly to artists, all while consuming media that was created by artists. His parents were such hypocrites. They talked about stability, income, and the future, which was a lot to try and understand when he was little but he understood now. Or at least he gets the general idea of why he can't do art for a career.

So he worked hard to get into an architecture university overseas in the great lands of England, away from his past friends and family and now he got free healthcare! It was a dream come true! Well... He was struggling to find a job so he has been sleeping on his friend's couch for the past year, which definitely wasn't great for his back, and the workload was horrific and so were his grades. But he had to focus on the pros in times like these.

Like the pretty boy in his class.

With his beeline honey-coloured hair that always looked fluffy even when it stuck up and was adorably frizzy during exam season- Well, it was safe to say that Scar has been smitten for a while, he could find any chance he could to catch a glance at the other in the halls and the library. Something about him just made his heart go all goopy and made designing the same boring houses over and over again bearable if he could see his undeniable crush.

Scar was always one to fall head over heels for people easily, a romantic that's never been romantic with someone, a hopeless daydreaming mess. Despite his many and many crushes, he's never been able to find somebody who felt the same. Maybe it had to do with his appearance, maybe he just wasn't people's type, maybe he was 'too much' and 'weird', but that didn't stop him from trying and trying again.

But when faced with a cute British boy you're been pining over for nearly a year now, you had to play it cool and not immediately declare your undying loyalty and love. So that's why Scar showed up to his study session with Grian an hour earlier than he should be, making sure to steal False's brush and put on his least wrinkled clothes. He didn't mind waiting, with his hectic thoughts, it wasn't hard to daze off and imagine using oil paints in a studio apartment with big windows and-

"Oh, I guess I wasn't early at all."

A familiar voice snapped him out of his bubble as he looked up to see Grian. His heart skipped a beat as he tried to stay cool and collected, like he practised, oh but he was wearing his reading glasses that made his nose look even more round and soft, and his ears were tinted slightly pink-

"Mind if I sit down with you?"

"Uh- Yeah- Um- Gosh yeah, of course, take a seat," Scar scrambled out a few words out of his mouth after getting distracted, again, "You are early, don't worry, I just didn't have much else to do."

A hum came out of the shorter man's mouth as he pursed his lips and started to take out many books filled with sticky notes and lastly a single pencil case. Scar notices that when he sits down, he scoots his chair slightly closer to him.

"So, my friends tell me you're the man full of creativity so," He opened up one of the books filled with hastily done simple drawings of buildings, "Ramble away, my ideas man."

Scar could hardly contain his excitement but before he babbled for an hour, he wanted to let Grian talk, he didn't want to annoy the man by getting off-topic again. Getting his notebook out, he started to rummage through his satchel for-

"So, you can remember a notebook but not a pencil?" The young man chuckled as a pencil rolled in his direction on the table.

With a bashful chuckle, he mumbled, "thanks."

He started to skim through his sketchbook which was covered in stickers that he's gathered throughout the years. It was an old thick A5 book that he mainly used for concept designs and thumbnails for bigger paintings. He liked to keep his passions away from his school work but the thought of having to try and find his school book in the hoarder's delight that was his bag in front of the cutest man alive already brought a red rush to his cheeks.

"Hang on-" A smaller softer hand landed on top of his own, making him stop on a random page, "Did you draw these?!"

The wonder and amazement in his voice made his blush worse, "Uh- Y-yeah! It's mainly just fantasy stuff though-"

"Can I see?" There was a shine in Grian's dark eyes, how could Scar say no to a face like that?

He let go of the book and the dirty blonde boy instantly started to skim through the pages, eyes dancing around the page like a ballerina. It was Scar's passion project that he liked to call 'unrealistic houses'. Homes in trees that are inhabited by a wood elf, in a giant snail where a grand wizard lived, in mountains, caves, magical villages volcanos, giant wagons, and so many others. But the prominent thing was theme park designs.

"I see that you like theme parks," Grian commented with a slight smile, gosh his hands were so sweaty.

"Aha yeah, when I was a kid I wanted to be an artist and when that didn't work out, I wanted to be a theme park designer instead," Scar retold the story with fondness, "But really, I'm more into design than the whole... practical side of architecture."

"Oh thank god because I can't draw for shit!" The smaller man blurted out as he gestured to his sketchbook in front of him with both hands.

They take one look at each other and instantly burst out laughing, probably being too loud for a library but at that moment, nothing else mattered except making each other laugh. Scar's cheeks hurt from smiling, and Grian's howls were like a golden melody. It wasn't a stereotypical laugh but it was real and it was his. As they calmed down and eventually the sounds quietened to giggles, the brunet couldn't take his eyes away from the man's smile, he couldn't look away.

Grian glanced in his direction and instantly locked eyes with him, and yet he still couldn't look away, like he was mesmerised. The dirty blonde boy's cheeks flushed up almost magically, glowing a lovely pink colour that seemed to light up the room, before letting out a nervous chuckle, his eyes darted back to the sketchbook, "We're never gonna get any work done at this rate."

There you go Scar. Messing it up again...

To not mess things up further, Scar went into super focus mode, listening to every word that Grian spoke, which was difficult with the way his glasses were too big and kept on falling down his nose that had speckles of freckles like stars- Focus! There was a lot to do. Concept sketches, mood boards, inspiration, architect's work to research, the floorplan, the first draft sketch for the final model- The list went on, they had a month to do this but it didn't feel like enough time at all.

Luckily for Scar, Grian was effective, splitting the work evenly and into their own comfort zones. He would do the research while the brunet would do all the sketches and gather the inspiration images. Surprisingly, they were a pretty good team.

By the time the end of the day rolled around, it had felt like hardly any time had gone by, at least to the taller of the two, he adored every second. The only thing that made them realize that actual hours had passed was a loud grumble of their stomachs.

With a tense chuckle, Grian muttered, "We should probably stop for the day, I'll continue working in my dorm and if you could do the-"

As he spoke, he stood up and started gathering his books and papers, and Scar quickly pinched at his sweater to stop him, "Wait!- Uh- How about I treat you to... something from the vending machines and we can keep on talking about uh... houses?"

His classmate stared at him with this blank expression, eyes wide, he blinked, and then again, and then started to chuckle, which grew into a laugh, unsuccessfully trying to be muffled by his sweater sleeve. Scar's nervous smile slipped and embarrassment laid heavy on his shoulders, he always said the wrong thing, why did always do this-

"Sorry, sorry- I don't mean to laugh, I just don't think anybody has asked me that before," His partner snorted out through sighs, "Sure, we can go to the vending machines."

And he continued packing his backpack. So, he didn't mess it up, at least not horribly. A small smile returned back onto his face as he threw his sketchbook into his satchel, to be lost for a future date. They walked together out of the library and towards the vending machines. Worn converse alongside scruffy boots. Red sweater next to green button-up.

They talk about structure, school work, how much work they had to do, and how boring their teacher was, eventually, they started to talk about last year.

"Oh yeah, that class was a mess, but I did end up passing so I can't fault it too hard," Scar noted, walking up to the vending machine and started inserting coins.

"I get that," Grian hummed.

Scar got Oreos and leaned against a nearby wall, making sure to separate the cream from the biscuit, "So, what was your last school year like?"

"Last year?" He repeated like it was a foreign concept, "Well that uh-... I think I'm just gonna get some crisps"

The shorter man dodged the question so quickly as he got his snack, joining him to lean on the wall, both eventually falling down it and sitting on the floor as there was nobody nearby to tell them otherwise. The unanswered question itched on the inside of Scar's brain and he couldn't stop himself from getting curious.

"So... last year?"

"Scar-" His voice was snappy but with a pause, a heavy sigh left his lips, "I don't want to talk about it, alright?"

"Oh uh- alright."

Way to go, idiot. Should have taken the hint when he could. They ate in silence, and the brunet hated it, an avid believer that silence was for tension that wasn't needed.

"What uh- What was your dream as a kid?"

Grian looked up at him with a jump, always like he had gotten lost in his own thoughts, "What?"

"Well, you now know that I wanted to design theme parks, so tell me what did you want to be?"

The dirty blonde left his eyes to fall to the ground, to his shoes, an old pair of converse that he's probably had for years judging by the scuffs and lyrics written on their soles. He pursed his lips and hummed, something he did whenever he was thinking deeply, "I guess this might be a pretty boring answer compared to your 'theme park designer' but I always wanted to be an architect, I remember uh-... I remember riding my bike in my town and seeing all the homes and thinking about how cool it would be if I created something somebody could call home."

A wide smile grew on his face without him even realizing, "Awwe! That's adorable!"

Grian averted his eyes but still smiled, rubbing the nape of his neck as a rosy colour dusted his cheeks, "Oh hush."

Suddenly, the smaller man's phone started to ring loudly in his pocket, when he pulled it out, he suddenly jumped off the floor, "Oh man! It's 5 already! I uh- I got to go but I... Thanks."

And with that, he started to speed walk down the hall until Scar couldn't see him anymore. That could have gone worse, at least...

-

Grian usually was so socially drained when he left uni that all he could ever dream of was sleeping in his bed until the next day, but today he wasn't. Which was bizarre as he's done nothing but talk to somebody for the past 4 hours, though it definitely didn't feel like that.

He should just be thankful that isn't exhausted instead of trying to second guess it as he had to meet up with his sister soon and by soon he meant that he was already running late. Time had really slipped through his fingers, and now he had to run to the diner in the rain and cold. He wished he had brought a jacket...

When he walked into the restaurant, he was dripping wet, feeling awful for the staff as he left puddles as he walked. The weather was more than miserable but stepping into the warm building with warmer lights definitely was a nice feeling. As he spots his sister, he quickly runs to slide into the booth next to her.

"Jesus Grian, you're soaked!" Pearl snapped as she gestured up and down, "You're definitely going to catch a cold."

"Didn't have an umbrella, also you don't actually get sick from rain, it's actually caused by-" He began but was cut off.

"Alright alright, come here, I missed you!" His sister leaned across the table and pinched his cheeks with the biggest grin.

"Hey!" He swatted her hands away before picking up the menu, "How's mom and dad?"

"Unbearably lovey-dovey, as always," Pearl chuckled out as she gestured swooning before rolling her eyes, "They're doing okay, missing you loads though, you should really call more-"

"I know I know, I've just been busy..."

"Ah yes, very important architect stuff, build any houses yet?" She teased.

"That's not how that works- Whatever, I'm actually working on a project to design a house and make a model of it, thank you very much," Grian bragged as he scanned the menu in front of him.

"Oh? Please tell me more," She spoke with a sarcastic voice.

"Well, today we worked out that it should be about-"

"We?" Pearl's eyes widened and a mischievous smirk grew almost instantly.

"Yeah, it's a partner project- Don't get any ideas, he's just a classmate-"

"So it's a he?" If her smirk could get any bigger it would take up half her face.

"Oh my god- Scar is just a friend, not even that, he's just somebody in my class I'm working with, I don't get- I mean- Seriously-"

"Awwe! You're blushing-"

"Because you're embarrassing me!-"

Pearl giggled so much that she was shaking the table, and Grian couldn't help but hide in the menu as he kicked her under the table, "You are terrible, you are a terrible sibling-"

"Oh hush, you love me really," she spoke as she finally calmed down, which was good as a waiter came to take their order.

After they walked away, the questions began again, "So... Scar?"

"Oh my- Pearl, I am telling you, I don't even want a relationship right now, stop pestering," He rolled his eyes as he sipped on his drink.

"What? But university is where you're meant to find people, that's how dad and mom met-"

"I know but uni is where I get my diploma, not where I want to find fruitless love that goes nowhere," Grian spat with more venom than intended.

"Don't be so cynical, you're not still upset about uh- what was his name? Weston? Walker?" Pearl began listing as their food arrived at their table.

The shorter sibling stared at his plate, mac and cheese, comfort and a lot better when it didn't come from a box, "Watcher and no, it's not like that, that was ages ago Pearl."

"Alright but I think you should at least not close yourself off so much, you never know, you might meet someone special," She dragged out the last word before taking a bite of her pizza, which instantly burned her mouth.

All Grian could do was roll his eyes once more, maybe even snicker as she fanned her tongue, but he would be lying if he said there wasn't a genuine fond smile on his face. He had missed his family a lot, especially Pearl... But what she said really did affect him, that... It wasn't something he wanted to think about, love. When they said their goodbyes, their conversation replayed in his brain over and over again.

And if he worked himself to the early hours of the morning and only managed to get a few hours of sleep before his work-filled routine started again, he wouldn't tell. At least like this, there wasn't anybody, family or... a partner to tell him not to burn both sides of a candle. It was better like this...

Chapter Text

Grian worked in a cafe just around the corner from his dorm room.

It made it easier for commute reasons but it made things harder for his dignity. Mainly because his friends would often walk in to try and get discounts or just to annoy him. But the pay was okay and it worked around his timetable so he couldn't complain.

It was a busy Saturday morning. It was unbelievable how many iced coffees he's made in the past hour, especially seeing as it was autumn in England. Grian could barely breathe with how busy the cafe was, the line nearly went outside and he was swept off his feet. He couldn't even look at who he was taking an order from as he finished making another drink and giving it to his coworker.

"Hi, what can I get for y-"

"Grian?"

His eyes snapped up and met shiny emeralds staring back at him. And a charming crooked smile that for some reason made him more embarrassed, "Scar?"

"I didn't know you worked here!" He spoke with such glee but all the other could see was the impatient people behind him.

"Uh- yeah- what can I- Scar I need your order," The shorter man stumbled out with a nervous smile.

"Oh! Oh right, uh... ooh! Can I have the strawberry lemonade please?"

"Of course," He chuckled under his breath, of course, he chose that, "Coming right up."

As he worked, he couldn't help but feel eyes watching him from the sidelines, and just as he thought, when he turned to the collection area, a certain long-hair man was staring with a delighted expression, "Order for Scar, order for Sca-"

Scar laughed, deep from his chest, as he grabbed his drink, his wonderful laugh could be heard despite the loud hustle and bustle of the cafe. Even though he shouldn't, even though he was on the clock, Grian leaned his weight on the counter and looked up, "I'm on my break in a few minutes if you want to work on the project together,"

A sly smirk grew on the man's face, "Why Mr barista, how forward of you! But if you insist, I'd love to,"

With a wink, he left and walked around the small building for somewhere to sit. The whole interaction made his cheek flush, mainly from the embarrassment of course, but there wasn't any time to dwell on that as quickly Grian had to get back to work. But as he said, when his break eventually came around, he took off his apron and walked over to a certain classmate that was sitting at a table with a half-drunken lemonade and a sketchbook in front of him.

He was painting something with red paint, and he was so deep in concentration as he barely noticed the other walking over until he pulled out the chair to sit opposite of him, making the man nearly jump out of his skin, "Oh jeez! Grian you scared me!"

That erupted a chuckle from him as his eyes wandered over to the sketchbook in front of Scar, "What's are you dra-"

Suddenly the book was closed, fast enough for it to slam, and when Grian looked up he saw an embarrassed face looking back at him, "It's uh- personal..."

"Oh uh, okay..." The barista uttered as he noted how red the other's cheeks were getting, "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry-"

"It's fine!" Scar said quickly, still with wide eyes, before clearing his throat, "I uh- Anyway, I did those concept designs you wanted me to do."

Opening up to a specific page in his sketchbook, Grian looked down and saw beautiful house designs. It fitted the prompt perfectly, it had patches of oil patches that showed the colour themes he thought would fit, and his partner had also planned out a garden that had a mini waterfall and terraformed land. Plus many drawings of the same cat fitted in the blank space. Even though a lot of the mini doodles he had done would never get used, it still struck Grian with pure awe.

"Scar, these are great!" He burst out, running a hand through his hair as his other hand grazed the paper.

There was no way for Scar to get any redder, even the tips of his ears shone a bright red. He couldn't seem to look at Grian but still held a nervous crooked smile while he rubbed the back of his neck, "Awe shucks, thanks G."

The dirty blonde flipped to the next page and was met with many drawings of the same cat as before, it filled up both pages and was surprisingly detailed like he had used a reference.

"That's Jellie, my cat," Scar commented as he pointed to one of the doodles.

"You have a cat?"

"Yeah! You should meet her sometime, she loves people," There was shine in those emerald eyes of his.

"Maybe I should meet her sometime, I love cats, I have two at my parent's house actually."

"Awee! Do you have any pictures?"

And that's how Grian ended up showing his classmate pictures of his cats back home and him showing him many, Many pictures of Jellie doing various things, mainly sleeping on his chest while he slept. He had bed hair in those pictures, eyes barely open but yet still had a sleepy smile, it was... Wait, what time was it?

"Oh god, my break ended like 2 minutes ago- I got to go- Uh thanks- Bye-" Grian frantically got up and marched back to behind the counter, putting his apron back on as he walked.

And he worked as hard as he possibly could to try and stop any thoughts from entering his brain. Even if it drained all the energy he had left.

-

Grian was surprised to see Scar again the next day.

He walked in, didn't order anything, and sat down in the same chair he was in yesterday. He got out his signature sketchbook and a portable container of paints and brushes and painted. When the barista eventually got his break, he sat across him again, once again making him jump.

"Oh G, you scared me-"

"What are you doing here?" It wasn't meant to be as harsh as it came out, he was just exhausted, running on 4 hours of sleep in the past two days and this wasn't something he wanted to deal with.

"Oh, I just like the cafe ambience I guess, nice to sit down and paint," Scar mused as he turned his sketchbook around for Grian to see, "I don't have a lot of space in the place I'm staying so..."

On the pages were wonderful paintings of mountains, massive trees the size of skyscrapers, magical beings who looked like zombies, or made out of blue slime, or other mythical creatures with weird but beautiful features. There was also a bird character that wore the same red sweater as him. His talents were something to envy.

"I hope you don't mind, I won't bother you at all, it'll be like I'm not there at all," Scar said like Grian had any say in whether he could stay or not, but he still thought it over as if he did.

His hands pushed the sketchbook back to its owner as he stated, "You can stay if you show me your drawings on my break."

Scar's smile grew massive as with a chuckle, he agreed, "You've got a deal Mr Barista."

-

So every day, Scar would come in, sit down in the same place, on the same table, in the same chair, and paint. Even though Grian wouldn't admit it, the constant of his classmate being there every day, was nice. Plus it was nice to not have to spend his break on his own just sitting on one of the storage containers in the back, studying with one hand and whatever he managed to get himself to eat in the other.

Instead, he would sit down across from Scar, and eat whatever was going to be thrown out from the cafe, like a pastry or sandwich, and listen as he rambled on about an art design he had, what Jellie had done that day, or whatever his special interest that day was. It felt nice to have company.

It was coming down hard one day. There was thunder, lightning, and harsh rain crashing down on the windows and roof, the sound was nearly deafening. Grian was the only one working and only the other people in the building were the stray uni students that were crunching for deadlines. He's going to hate walking back to his dorm in this weather, and he didn't have an umbrella or a coat... Why did he never think to pack a coat?

And the worst part was that he wouldn't see Scar this weekend, not that he needed to see his project partner, it was just nice for routine reasons. Grian liked routine, and Scar had become a part of it.

And there was no way that Scar would walk all the way to the cafe with weather like thi-

The cafe door slams open, and the bell chimes to let him know to sit up straight and lift his head from the counter. Grian couldn't believe what he was seeing. A drenched Scar stood in the doorway, his long hair dark from the rain and a lot of it was in his face, even though he did have a coat and umbrella. As soon as the taller man put his hair behind his ear and saw the barista, his eyes lit up.

"Grian! You will not believe the weather out there! It's raining cats and dogs I tell you!" He spoke between laughs as he closed his umbrella and sat down in his chair.

"I... I didn't think you'd come in today," Was all he could respond with, too tired to recognize what is truly happening.

"And miss out on talking to my favourite barista? I wouldn't dare!" Despite dripping all over the floor and looking like a wet cat, he still managed to make Grian flustered with a wink.

Blinking once, and twice, the shorter man finally snapped back into reality and rolled his eyes, "Well take off your coat, you're getting water everywhere..."

Grian got from behind the counter and grabbed the man's coat, putting it on the radiator and putting the umbrella close by, "Try and stay warm will you, even though rain doesn't make you sick, being cold does,"

Scar chuckled softly, "Okay, I'll try."

When the barista got back behind the counter, he couldn't keep his mind from wandering, along with his eyes. He stole glances in his classmate's direction, he was just scrolling on his phone, not painting like usual. He wasn't here to paint, he came to talk to Grian... Without any more thought, he began making a drink, a hot chocolate. He added extra whipped cream, something he wouldn't do even for himself.

When he sat down on the chair across from the man, he quickly looked up, "You're on your break already?"

"Nah, this is so dead though that I'm sure my manager won't mind," He spoke but he wasn't sure about that, instead of pondering too much, he pushed the drink in Scar's direction.

His emerald eyes looked down at it and then back at Grian, "Oh- This is really sweet but I don't have any money-"

"It's on the house, don't want you getting sick when we've got so much work to do," He justified, to Scar and himself.

Slowly, the taller man grabbed the mug in his hands that looked calloused and scared, and lifted it to take a slow sip, a smile crept onto his lips quickly after, "This is great, thank you, I appreciate it a lot."

Grian averted his gaze at the compliment, changing the subject, "So, no painting today?"

"Ah no, I didn't want my sketchbook getting ruined in the rain."

"So... why are you here?" The question comes off as more judgemental than intended.

Suddenly, Scar's cheeks grew slightly pink, though that might be from the warm drink or the cold outside, "I wanted to make sure you had an umbrella, I didn't want you to walk home with it like this without one."

"Oh," He was being cared for, how was Grian meant to react to that? "Thank you, I... Thanks."

Why was he so caring? They barely knew each other. Maybe this was just something that friends did. But none of his other friends would have done this, if anything they would laugh at him for forgetting an umbrella when he has lived in England his whole life and should know what autumn in this country is like. Maybe it was for the same reason he bought the other a hot chocolate. Because they don't want to see each other sick. Imagine having to do a project by yourself when your partner is sick from something so preventable, Grian rationalized to himself.

"When you finish that, you better get going, it looks like it's going to clear up soon, but probably not for long," The barista spoke as he looked outside the window, even if it was hard to see anything with the darkness of the late evening sky.

"Oh, right," Scar hummed, looking out the window with him, "I don't mind staying. How much longer are you working for?"

"Another hour, I've got a closing shift," He uttered with disgust in his voice.

"Then I'll wait."

Grian looked over at him but he was still staring at the raindrops that hit the many puddles on the pavement. There was a small smile on his face that was so soft and safe in ways he couldn't describe.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to though."

"Why?" He had to ask because it was all he could think about.

"Because... Because I think you're really cool and... I don't know, I just like you, you're a really... nice person." Those words sounded so genuine that Grian nearly stopped functioning altogether but he held himself together.

"You barely know me."

"I want to though."

Grian watched Scar, stared at his eyes and his crooked smile, and tried to find some form of deception or fakeness, something that shows that he was doing this with dubious intentions or for his own gain but... he couldn't find anything. He couldn't convince Scar to go, he was almost as stubborn as himself, so he continued to look out the window as the rain came down even heavier than before.

As soon as the university students left, Grian started to close down, flipping over the sign and cleaning all the tables. He couldn't help but feel the other man's eyes on him as he worked. As he grabbed Scar's empty mug, he spoke, "I'm going to be another half an hour, if you really want to wait."

He just nodded with the same small smile as before. Grian took his time cleaning the machines, putting the dishwasher on, taking his apron off, and shutting down the cafe, mainly to see if his classmate would wait. But he did. When the barista exited the backroom, Scar was still there at his table. As soon as he heard the other, he looked up from his phone and smiled, "Ready to go?"

Grian couldn't help but finally smile back, "Yeah."

The taller man stood up and grabbed his umbrella but as soon as he saw that the other was walking to the door without a coat, he stopped, "Where's your jacket?"

"Oh I don't have one, forgot it at home, it's fine I'll live-"

Suddenly, Scar's coat was placed on his shoulders. It was warm from the radiator and it smelt like him, making something in him vibrate. As he turned around, the student was acting like nothing had happened, grabbing the umbrella and putting his phone away, "Scar, I can't take this, you need it more than me, I only live down the street."

"Oh shush, stop being stubborn and just take it," He laughed as he stood by the door, waiting for him.

Grian paused for a second, thinking before putting it fully on. It was massive on him, the sleeves went past his hands, and the end of the coat hit the middle of his thighs, it was very comfortable. He opened up the cafe door and held the keys in his other hand as Scar opened up the umbrella. The weather was catastrophic, the rain felt as heavy as hail and the wind made his nose cold. As he locked the cafe, somebody stood by close, making sure to shield him from the downpour.

"So, where are you staying?" The taller man asked as they began their walk, their shoulders hitting each other occasionally as they strolled side by side to both be under the umbrella.

"I'm in the dorms around the corner," He spoke, trying to hear himself over the cars that eventually roared past, "How about you?"

"I'm currently staying at my friend's apartment off campus, it's just a few minutes away."

"Damn, what are you guys doing to be able to afford that?" Grian chuckled as he shot a glance in his direction.

His tone changed from carefree to something... different, "Ah, you know, I do uh... a bunch of different stuff at the job that I have... I also sell commission online, for some extra cash."

"That's cool, what are you on? I might have to commission something for myself."

"Awe no, you get the friend discount so whatever you want, I'll do it for you for the fair price of free."

"Don't be silly, I wouldn't do that to you, your art is worth it."

"If that's the case then my starting prices are £950 for a sketc-"

"What-?!"

Scar's laugh was louder than any thunder and it was so much more calming than any rain on the pavement.

It didn't take long until they were standing outside of the dorm entrance. Grian turned around and looked up at his classmate, and couldn't help but smile, "Thank you."

"It's no problem, anytime," He spoke and the shorter man believed every word.

He took off the coat and shoved it in his direction, not letting him refuse as he quickly added, using the taller man's words against him, "Don't be stubborn and take it, I don't want you getting sick, or I'll feel really guilty."

Scar opened up his mouth like he was going to say something but instead smiled and grabbed it, "Take care, G"

The dirty blonde walked up the entrance stairs and opened up the door, but before he walked inside, he looked at him once last time, "Thank you Scar, you... You're cool too and... You're an amazing friend."

And he closed the door before he could regret what he had said. Waiting until he heard footsteps leaving to go upstairs to his room and sleep away any intrusive thoughts that appeared.

Chapter Text

Scar wasn't in today.

Now, this wasn't something that would worry Grian, if it was anybody else he wouldn't even notice, but when he came in and saw that the chair next to him was empty, it felt like something was... missing.

When he sat down, instinctively he had a pen and pencil out on the desk for the other, like it was routine, but he had nobody to give them to. When he was in the library, his bag lay on the seat next to him, like he was saving a seat for someone, but he was alone. When he came into work, his eyes instantly went to the table where he sat, but it lay vacant, and it stayed that way for the rest of the day.

It didn't occur to Grian how much time he spent with the man until he suddenly disappeared. How lonely his life had been before the brunet started to intertwine himself with his sacred routine. Scar was his routine, some form of constant presence. Now, he was absolutely being dramatic, he had barely known the man for a month, and he wasn't that important, but as he stared at the ceiling of his dorm room, his mind couldn't help but wonder.

And self-centred thoughts started to rot their way inside.

It was ridiculous to think that Scar would not show up to class because of what Grian had said yesterday, and yet, it somehow seemed like a possibility. Maybe he weirded the poor guy out by calling him an 'amazing friend', who did that? They barely knew each other! But the taller man had walked him home and let him wear his coat so he didn't get cold...

The truth was that Grian didn't know the first thing about friends. Sure, he had friend groups but those were all from friend-of-a-friend situations or his childhood, making friends was so much easier back then. And they were just people he ate lunch with, he wouldn't talk to them about his dreams as a child and they couldn't make him laugh the way that Scar did. But Scar was just his project partner, he shouldn't be able to do those things, so why was he so different?

He couldn't sleep. He couldn't possibly fall asleep without knowing what was going on. It was about the principal.

The sleepy student grabbed from charge and scrolled down in his contacts until he got to 'S'. Now Grian had only ever messaged Scar to let him know when he was in the library, so maybe this was ridiculously out of line but with his remaining brain cells fast asleep, he started to type.

Grian (2:46 am)
Scar, are you okay? You weren't in today.

And now all he had to do was wait... and wait... just as his eyes lids started to droop, a notification alerted them way back up again.

Scar (2:47 am)
Hi Grian :) I am okay! Just feeling a bit under the weather, I'll be in tomorrow for sure :D

The shorter man didn't realise he was smiling until his cheeks started to hurt. He didn't know what Scar expected when he walked to a cafe in the middle of a thunderstorm. Maybe he should get him some soup- ah! Who was he kidding? That's such a weird thing to do. It's not even like he's that sick, he's going to see him tomorrow. And then everything will go back to normal.

-

Tomorrow came, and Scar didn't show.

Grian hated it. He had lied, he made the other believe that he was fine when he clearly wasn't. Why had he lied? Was it something Grian did? His mind replayed his last memories over and over again, trying to find something that proves his working theory that everything was his fault. But as he's thinking, he spots Mumbo walking out of the uni.

Now, the shorter man knew that Mumbo knew Scar because his name got mentioned a few times. But his social anxiety made him freeze up whenever he thought about talking to the lanky man so Cub was his next option. The man was sitting in the library, piles of papers and books surrounding him like a fortitude. It almost felt rude to interrupt his sharp focus, almost.

"You know Scar, right?" He slammed one of his hands on the desk, enough to alert the dark-haired man, making him flinch violently.

"Uh- Huh? What?"

"Scar? Long hair? Very uh- Tall, buff- Disney's biggest fan-"

"Alright, alright- Yes, Scar, what about him?"

"Where is he?"

He sounded a bit more desperate for an answer than he was, he didn't know why he was getting so emotional about something so insignificant. Cub raised an eyebrow at him and adjusted his glasses that were laying crooked on his nose, "Uh... why?"

"Because he said he'd be here and he's not and I need to know if Ineedtobringhimsoup, okay?!" Grian spoke faster and faster until he could barely understand himself as he shoved his phone with the message that proved he wasn't being completely insane right now.

Cub looked at the screen, his eyes scanning the message before rolling his eyes, "Scar isn't feeling well, he just needs a bit more rest, he's fine my friend."

Grian pursed his lips and his eyebrows knitted together with frustration, for some reason that answer didn't satisfy him but what else could he do? "Oh... right. Thanks."

With bright red cheeks, the short man speed walked away, trying to get as far as away from people as possible. Why did he make such a fool out of himself? Of course, Scar was fine, of course, he just decided to rest for another day, maybe he shouldn't have assumed the worst. Scar was fine, he needed to stop worrying and do something productive with his time, he had so much he had to get done, so why was he wasting his time on something so stupid?

Scar was fine, and that was that.

-

Scar felt awful.

He knew walking to a cafe and back every day without his cane or anything would end only in disaster but when a particular barista looks so lovely in his white button-up uniform, how could his hopeless romantic heart resist? Well, right now he wished he had resisted because everything hurt.

He woke up the morning after walking Grian home with the worst pain coursing throughout his body, his joints were stiff and walking felt like trudging through boiling rocks. He took one step outside the apartment before falling in blinding pain so his roommates had bed, well, couch-bounded him until he finally rested, much to his protest. His complaints became even louder when a certain dirty blonde texted him asking him where he was.

But on the inside, he knew it was his own fault and he had nobody to blame but himself.

So here he was, laying in self-pity on the couch, watching mind-numbing romcoms on tv to try and make the time pass any sooner. Another day he couldn't go in because of his stupid muscles, of these stupid headaches and fatigue that made him too tired to even sleep. He wanted to go to university, he wanted to walk to the cafe, and most of all, he wanted to be able to walk to the kitchen without wincing and struggling as burning pain stops his movements.

There were only so many heat packs and painkillers that could do anything to stop the amount of pain he was in. Scar had to be safe, so even when the painkiller's effects were long gone, he wouldn't take another for hours, and he wouldn't put the heat packs on his direct skin until it was red and raw, even though he wanted to. And he was bored. So terribly bored.

The only other entertainment he got besides the television, with its repeating adverts and the same storylines, was when his friends got home and they could tell him about their days.

When he hears Cub coming home, he sat up eagerly, but gradually, of course, he's learned his lesson.

The black-haired man looked awfully pleased with himself, especially when he saw Scar, he even sat down on the couch arm with the smuggest of smirks, it was unnerving, "So, I had a little conversation with a certain someone today."

"Uhhhh... Who?" Scar helplessly asked with a nervous chuckle, holding Jellie, who was in his lap, tighter.

"Grian," He announced like it was something that happened every day, "Asking about where you are and saying something about soup? That man can talk fast I tell you."

The brunet put his head in his hands and groaned, "Oh gosh, what did you say to him?"

"All I said was that he wasn't feeling well, which is a half-truth I suppose."

Scar let a heavy sigh leave his lips as he leaned back on the couch, petting Jellie with weak shaky hands. He was messing up his chances with the cutest boy in the world because his legs didn't work like how legs should work. Just then, Mumbo appeared from his room and started making a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Because of the way that the apartment was designed he could see that Mumbo had an armful of empty coffee mugs, so this could be his fifth or even more today.

Bdubs was sitting on the kitchen counter, crosslegged, scrolling through his phone, occasionally turning it around to show Mumbo something he had found online. Some new slang his younger siblings were telling him about or something, it was so difficult to hear anything with a massive fog in his brain.

"So, how are you feeling?" Cub spoke with a smirk but it was hard to ignore the notes of concern that leaked into his tone.

All Scar could do was groan, the pain he felt was unable to be explained in ways that others could understand.

The other architect hummed in disapproval, "Your flare-ups aren't usually this severe... I don't understand what happened. Have you been stressed out recently?"

"About the same, I guess-"

"The changing weather getting to you mate?" Mumbo walked into the living room and leaned against the back of the couch as he sipped from his mug that had a 2012 moustache on it that he found in a thrift store.

"Are you not eating well? You know if you need money you can go to us-" Bdubs joined in, jumping down from the counter to sit on the other sofa arm.

"Guys, please! I just... I just need to rest..." Scar snapped, feeling like his head was in a press as he pinched the space in between his eyebrows.

There was a small pause before Mumbo spoke, "Sorry man, we're just worried, just make sure to use your cane."

Cub rolls his eyes, "He already uses his cane, how do you not notice when he uses it... every... day..."

With the way that the man trailed off his words, Scar knew that the jig was up, he was caught red-handed, or worse yet, empty-handed. It was like he could hear the pieces clicking together in his brain and Cub stood in front of the brunet with his arms crossed against his chest.

"Scar, where's your cane?"

He kept his mouth shut as he looked anywhere but at his roommates. The air in the room felt thick, and he knew he was sweating under the heat of their stare. But what could he say?

"Oh, man..." Cub muttered under his breath with disappointment soaked deep into his voice, "Have you stopped using your cane?"

There was no denying the red flush on his cheeks and the look of pure shame on his face, it wasn't long before he broke, "I know it was dumb, I know I shouldn't of-"

"Scar!" His roommates screamed in unison.

"No wonder you're in so much pain! What did you think would happen?"

"Mate that's not good! Why would you ever do that?"

"You could have seriously hurt yourself!"

Scar placed his hands over his ears and leaned down until his forehead hit his knee, wanting everything to stop, wanting the pain to go away. Thankfully though, they seemed to understand because the sound quickly stopped and silence filled the room. Suddenly, a weight was added on either side of him on the couch. The man looked up to his friends beside him, making sure not to touch him when he was already so overwhelmed.

"You're not usually this... reckless," Mumbo started, speaking softly and with a furrowed brow, "Why did you... Why?"

Scar breathed in, and then out, before looking at his friends with sunken shoulders, "Do you promise not to make fun of me?"

"Of course!" Two voices spoke, almost in sync.

"Well, it depends-"

Mumbo and Bdubs glared at Cub.

"...Of course man, we're here for you."

With a weak smile and an exhale through his nose, the brunet spoke, "I... I haven't used it in so long. I know I should, I know I want to, but when I got the chance to sit next to... you know who. I thought... I thought maybe I could have a chance, and I just- I didn't want to ruin my chances by being myself."

His hands drifted over to Jellie, he was soft and warm, like a hug, "Grian is the coolest person I've ever met, he's a star student, who has a job and his own dorm, and he seems to manage it all perfectly, and I... Well, I'm me..."

"Scar, come on, you're great just the way you are," Bdubs uttered with a sad smile, a pity smile that made the brunet's stomach turn.

"That's not enough, I don't even have a job or my own place, I've been sleeping on a couch for the past year because I can't go to school and work at the same time without being in pain," Frustration started to bubble inside of him and before he knew it, his voice was rising higher and higher.

"There is no way he'll be with me, especially with everything he'd have to put up with. And even if I do get the slim chance of having him, what happens if he wants to go hiking or cycling or-or something?! I can't do stuff like that! He'll get fed up with me and-and-"

Gentle hands were placed around him, "Breath in through your nose for 4."

His chest went like it was on fire, his eyes burned and were getting watery, and his hands were shaking but he did what he was told, and he breathed in.

"Hold for 7 seconds."

His hands reached for his sleeping cat and he held her as much as he could without disturbing her rest. Her fur was soft, and her breathing was slow as his hand rested on her rising and falling body. If she could breathe, so could he.

"And exhale for 8, through your mouth."

He felt the material of the couch beneath him, but he also went the pain of his rushing back like a stream of boiling water. Scar tried not to pay it much attention and instead focused on the circles being rubbed into his back by his friends. Over and over again they would tell him the instructions, even doing them with him, until his head was clearer and the weight that had been pressing down on his chest was lifted.

Scar looked around at his friends and just felt so grateful, "Uh... thank you guys, I-... I really-"

"It's alright, we know, we're amazing," Cub voiced with a smirk, and that smile was contagious.

"But you do need to use your cane again," the tallest of the four uttered, "I don't want to hear about this 'it's for love' excuses either."

"You wouldn't understand Mumbo! It's for loveee-" Scar laughed through his sentence before giving up, "Okay, okay, you're right, I'll... I'll use it from now on."

"Proud of you buddy," Bdubs remarked before pulling him into a big hug, and it wasn't long before everyone else joined in, one big roommate hug pile.

Scar was so lucky to have them.

-

The day turned into night, and they decided that for tonight, they would all sleep in the living room.

They went and got all the blankets and pillows they could get and gathered them all on the floor, while Scar picked out a movie for them to watch, and of course, it had to be Star Wars. With a new hot pack, a blanket, and a warm cup of tea in his hands, the brunet was happier than he's been in a few days.

But of course, as the credits started to roll on the third movie he had picked, Scar looked around and saw that all his friends were asleep. Cub was laying with the covers nearly completely covering him, Bdubs was sprawled out over all three of them, mouth wide open as he gentle snored, and Mumbo... Mumbo was looking up at the ceiling, bloodshot eyes open just slightly.

Scar reached his foot over and tapped him gently as he whispered, "Jumbo? You awake?"

The taller man's head slowly moved to look at him and he sleepily smiled, "Yeah, I think so. Can't sleep?"

His green eyes fell to the floor as he shook his head, "I haven't been able to sleep lately, it's like my body just won't let me."

"Yeah I get that, though, that might just be the coffee."

A heavy sigh left the fragile man's lips as he ran his fingers through his long hair, it quickly got tangled up in it from all the knots. It was thick with grease as he couldn't stand long enough in the shower to clean it properly. It felt so heavy with grime that made him want to lie down forever.

"So, how are you feeling?" Mumbo's quiet voice could be heard through the darkness of the room as the TV turned itself off from inactivity.

"Still in pain," He uttered, speaking through gritted teeth, "But... I think I'll be okay... I'm starting to realize that maybe I need to work on myself before I can be with someone. I tried to change myself to the point that I can barely walk anymore, what does that say about me?"

Even though his friend didn't respond, he still knew he was listening, a feeling of being listened to and cared laid heavy in the air, "I have wanted to be loved so badly my entire life, always trying to find someone to deal with me, but right now I want to be that somebody, I want to be the person I always dreamed of, who will love and take care of me no matter what... you know?"

"...yeah I get that... I'm really proud of you..." His voice was gentle, tired, heavy with exhaustion and care.

There was a long pause that filled the room. Scar had wondered if Mumbo had gone to sleep until a whisper cut into the silence, "Grian wouldn't care."

"Hm?"

"You talk about Grian getting 'fed up' with you because your body is more fragile but he wouldn't care, not at all," There was a strange certainty in his voice that Scar hadn't heard before from the man.

"How can you be so sure?"

Mumbo stumbled on his words, spluttering out random noises as he tried to form a sentence, "Well- it's hard to explain- it- Grian and I- it's uh- okay look, I just know okay? Besides, he's an architect, do you really think he'll want to go on a morning run?"

Despite the nonsense that came out of his mouth, Scar couldn't deny that he was right. Grian wouldn't care. Deep down he knew that, because he knew that he couldn't- wouldn't fall for somebody who would treat people differently for things they couldn't control. But a part of him still doubted. And that part was growing the longer he spent away from his classmate.

"...thanks man... now go to sleep, you look like you're already halfway there," Scar kept his voice quiet as in the darkness he could see his roommate's weary expression.

"okay, okay... I'll... I'll see you in the morning mate... sleep... well..."

And with that, and the blanket brought up to his nose, Mumbo closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep as Scar looked up at the ceiling. Jellie was purring as she lay on his chest, his friends were snoring and shuffling around as they slept soundly. Despite all this noise, it's never been so quiet. It felt like he was the only man awake on earth, and that was a terribly lonely feeling, it ate away at the insides like worms.

Just then, his phone buzzed.

When he opened it up, first the screen blinded his eyes and he had to look away, at least until he got used to it, and second, he thought it would just be a mobile game, or a spam email, or something that would disappoint his aching heart that yearned for human interactions. But instead, it was a text. And not just any text, a text for Grian.

Grian (3:12 am)
I know you're probably asleep but I thought as well send you this to let you know that I hope you feel better soon.
Don't worry about schoolwork or the project, I am making progress.

He then attached a few images. Most of them were just screenshots and pictures of drawings and PowerPoints, but in between the images was a picture of his cat, laying on the top of a fridge.

Grian (3:13 am)
Sorry, accidental cat picture

Scar (3:13 am)
that is the best accident ever :3
also! thamk you i appetiacte that a lot g!
Appietare
Appretiare
Appreiate
you know what im trying to say :)

Grian (3:15 am)
I do but it sounds awful like 'you should go to sleep it's 3 in the morning'

Scar (3:15 am)
hey! same goes to you! >:( what are even doing at this hour?

The brunet watched the symbol that told him that his classmate was typing for what felt like forever. Appearing and disappearing like he was rewriting what he was saying a dozen times. Finally, a message appeared.

Grian (3:18 am)
Honestly? I am in my dorm eating stale pringles while trying and failing to draw an accurate window for the past hour...
Unsure why I told you that but now you know

Then, as Scar was reading the message with the biggest smile on his face, a picture appeared. It was Grian but he had his reading glasses on, more unkempt hair, and his cheek was pressed into a pringles can like he was posing with it.

Scar's heart started to beat against his ribcage, his cheeks flushed a terrible red, and his smile spread from ear to ear. He overanalyzed the picture, noticing the tired slanted smile, the number of freckles on his cheeks, and the way his dark eyes drooped above his deep bags. He loved everything about it, he loved the hair that stuck up and the crumbs on his worn-out video game pyjama top, Scar loved it all.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard but they stayed frozen. The brunet wanted to say how adorable he looked, how happy it made him, how much he wanted to plant kisses on his button nose. But he couldn't. So instead, he typed.

Scar (3:20 am)
haha, ill have to teach you my amazing artistic skills one day

Grian (3:20 am)
Please do. I am terrible
are you going to be in tomorrow?

Scar looked away from the screen, his hands were still shaking, and there was still a burning pain shooting up his legs with every movement. He was in agony, and yet he still wished to go to university and talk about nothing and everything with the dirty blonde sweetheart that has stolen his heart. But... if he kept doing this he wouldn't want to imagine how much worse things will get...

Scar (3:21 am)
probaly not
im sorry :(

Grian (3:21 am)
Don't apologize, just rest
Goodnight Scar :)

Scar (3:22 am)
goodnight!!

As he turned off his phone with flushed cheeks, the man felt a bit less lonely, like he could metaphorically see Grian's dorm lights on through his window. Like it was just the two of them on the entire earth, the thought enough made him smile. It was pleasant enough to let his hectic mind allow him to drift off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Scar had missed 3 days of school.

3 days of having too much stationery that doesn't get used, 3 days of sitting alone in the library, forgetting to take breaks or to eat, and 3 days of an empty seat in the cafe. And Grian hated it. How could Scar does this to him? He couldn't just nuzzle his way into his routine and then get up and leave! Plus they had a project to do, which was probably more important than his routine but still!

As the barista stood behind the counter on a Friday evening, he thought about how he probably wouldn't see Scar until Monday now. Or maybe even more. And that... made him feel a bit hollow inside. A lonely feeling crept up on him, and he had no idea how to handle it. What could he do? What could he possibly do to get this feeling to leave? It wasn't like he could just show up at his house, he didn't even know where Scar lived and asking felt weird.

But he was getting desperate.

As he was cleaning up to leave, he noticed that there were still a lot of soups, pastries and sandwiches left over. Now usually, he and the other staff would take them home but he was the only one in. Grian still bagged them up, and he had a great idea of who could use these. Now to just get some information...

[THE GAY(and impulse) RESISTANCE]
Grian (6:35 pm)
Guys, I need information but I do not want any questions

Etho (6:42 pm)
uh ok

Grian (6:44 pm)
Where does Scar live?

Rendog (6:44 pm)
This is the most ominous thing
What did the poor man do to you?

Doc (6:45 pm)
one sec

Grian (6:45 pm)
Hey! No questions!

Doc (6:51 pm)
34 Portland Place
Apartment 22
good luck with your prank

Grian (6:58 pm)
Jeez that was quick
I was going to ask how you got that but I realized that I don't want to know
thanks, Doc!!

The barista turned off his phone as he clocked out for the day. With one hand carrying a plastic bag full of food and his other carrying his phone with google maps on it, Grian made his way to Portland Place. It was only a few minutes away from the university but he kept on getting lost in the hustle and bustle of the city, even as his eyes laid onto the rundown apartment block, he was still so unsure of himself.

Letting himself in, the exhausted student started his long walk up to stairs as the elevator was out of order. With every step, his doubt got worse and worse but he still put one foot in front of the other. Before he knew it, he was outside apartment 22, and he was sweating buckets as he knocked on the door. Grian didn't even know why he was so nervous, maybe because this was weird. Oh god, this was so weird. Why did he do this? This was an awful idea! He should turn back now before it's too late-

Cub opened the door to see Grian trying to speed walk down the hall, "If you were trying to ring a bell and dash, you forgot about the dash part."

The burnout student slowly turned around with a forced smile, "Oh heyyy... there. I uh- I just came over because I have all these leftovers from the cafe and I um- you know I was wondering if you wanted any?"

The raven-haired man looked the other up and down before reaching into the bag, taking out a container of soup, before chuckling softly, "Heh, you really did bring soup. Come in, I'll see if Scar wants any."

Grian awkwardly followed his classmate inside, taking off his work shoes at the door as Cub walked into the kitchen, "You can just put them onto the counter, Scar is sleeping I think but you can go wake him up."

He gestured to the coach that had its back to the door but at the edge, he could see long strands of hazelnut chocolate hair, and Grian couldn't deny that he instantly recognised it. Popping his head over, he saw the sleeping man with his mouth open and horrendous bed hair, it was kinda cute, in a platonic sort of way.

Almost on instinct, he went to push a piece of hair away from his friend's face, gently placing it behind his ear, just so it wouldn't disturb him of course. But he ended up disturbing the man more than the hair did as not long after, his eyes started to flutter open. The moment their eyes locked, Scar's green eyes shot open, "Ah!- Jeez! Grian?! Wait-"

The brunet sat up and pinched his skin, "Ow! Okay yeah uh- Why hello there, you are... in my house?"

"Sorry sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, Cub let me in, and- Well- I brought food..."

A long awkward silence filled the room as Scar rubbed his weary eyes. Grian couldn't ignore the way the whites in his eyes had red veins, and the dark bags that showed his true exhaustion, it was difficult to tell how long he must have been struggling with sleep but definitely a while. The dirty blonde cleared his throat, "So um, how are you doing?"

"I'm... I'm feeling better," Even though there was pain in his eyes and he was surrounded by empty pill containers and heat pack packaging, Grian believed him with his entire heart.

Suddenly, a warm fuzzy weight was pressed up his work pants. Looking down, he saw an adorable cat, a shorthair with a little nose, and the shorter man just melted, "Oh hello there! You must be Jellie!"

He got down on his knees and quickly started to pet her, making sure to scratch the underside of her chin, knowing that's where Maui loved to be scratched. Almost instantly, Jellie was laying on the floor, purring like a little engine, loving the attention, "Awwwe! You're adorable, aren't you?"

Grian chuckled to himself before turning to Scar who had this... look on his face. He had this smile that was so 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵, so 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘶𝘪𝘯𝘦, and his eyes that this shine, it was almost like they were filled with... Well, he has never had somebody look at him with that much emotion before, it made his cheeks flush up a terrible pink. Maybe the brunet was horrifically sick, he was already started to feel dizzy just from being in the same room as him.

"Sorry, I just really like cats."

"Don't apologise, she likes you a lot," Scar's voice was just as gentle as his expression.

Grian's eyes stared at the floor as he continued to stroke the feline, her mouth curling up in such a way that it almost looked like she was smiling, if it wasn't for her slanted eyes, "How old is she?"

"We're not sure, she was a stray that I found the first few weeks of me living here so I don't know her full story but the vet thinks she's around 10, maybe even older."

The barista, still in his white button-up and dress pants, watched as the cat looked up at him with this grumpy happy smile, if that was even a thing. Jellie was clearly such a cared-for and caring cat, with soft fur that looked like it frequently got brushed, and she was clearly well-fed, especially when she laid on her back with her paws folded in the air.

"She's amazing, making me miss my cats though," Grian chuckled sadly as with one last pet, he stood up, "How about we come to check out the food I got from the cafe? See if there's anything you want to keep."

As he began to walk to the kitchen, he couldn't help but notice the lack of noise coming from behind him, "um... Grian? Could you-... could you bring the food here instead?"

The man rolled his eyes as he chuckled to himself, "It's just to the kitchen Scar, it won't kill you."

He didn't give it much thought, to the point that he just started taking out some of the products from the bag to the counter, expecting the taller man to join him soon, but then out of the corner of his eye he noticed Cub giving him a look of pure disgust, "What is your problem?"

"...huh?" Grian managed to utter as he quickly stopped what he was doing, mind going blank.

Cub opened up his mouth to start an argument, judging by his raised shoulders and scowl, but then a small voice came from the couch, "It's not his fault, I... I haven't told him yet."

"But you said you were going to tell him this morning-"

"I know, I know, I just hadn't gotten around to it-"

"You're stalling-"

"I am not stalling!"

Grian looked between the two rapidly, feeling so lost and confused, before finally blurting out, "Okay, can someone please tell me what's going on?"

"I don't know, ask him," The raven-haired man uttered with a roll of his eyes, before grabbing his mug and walking off into the hallway.

The shortest man watched as the other shut his door before letting his eyes travel over to the only other person left in the room. Carefully, he walked over to Scar, who had his head in his hands, and... and he waited. It didn't feel right to ask, somehow, it didn't feel right to rush him. This was clearly upsetting him, deeply upsetting him, so who was he to try and pry for information that wasn't truly his to know? So instead of asking, he sat beside the other and let their knees hit enough, just so he knew he was there.

His dark eyes watched outside the window. On the balconies of the apartment building opposite them were people doing chores and enjoying the weather. It was unusually warm for mid-October, a little bit of sun was shining down on this busy city for the first time in days. It had been raining non-stop for nearly 4 days, he had begun to think that it would never stop. Maybe the fact that it stopped now meant something.

Suddenly, a tiny voice crept into the silence, "I'm not actually sick."

Grian snapped his head in Scar's direction but he still had his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees as he spoke, "I- Well- I am sick, just not in the way you probably think I am."

A moment of recognition dawned on the other, and hesitantly but swiftly placed a hand on the brunet's shoulder, "Oh... Scar if you were having trouble with your mental health-"

"No, no- It's not that- Maybe a bit of that- What I'm trying to say is that I am sick, all the time," Scar suddenly lifted his head and looked at Grian with this expression of 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 and wet eyelashes, "...I have this- I don't even know what to call it. I have a condition that makes living life so 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵. It makes my muscles hurt if I try to do too much or if I get too stressed or if the seasons change or if Anything happens... for the past few days I've been in so much pain that I can't even walk, which means I can't go to college..."

"Oh god- Scar I'm sorry about what I said- If I had known-"

"If you had known you wouldn't have said it, I know, but you didn't know, so you don't need to apologise," He let out a heavy sigh before continuing, "I didn't want to tell you because people have treated me differently because of it, they're ridiculed me, told me that I was lying or exaggerating because I didn't look ill, or they'd baby me, make me believe that I can't do anything and I just-... I didn't want you to do the same..."

They both stared at the ground, unsure of how to handle this situation before Grian cleared his throat, "Uh... Thank you for... telling me that. I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to... say that. So, thank you."

"I'm never going to treat you differently, I never ever would have done that, you're... you're my friend, and that's not going to change."

There was... something in Scar's eyes, it was impossible to decipher, "Thanks G... I appreciate that..."

They stared at each other, emeralds meeting charcoal, and they both couldn't deny the tension that arose from the eye contact, though neither could accept what it meant. Grian finally snapped out of the daze, averting his eyes to the floor, "Come on, I'll bring over the food and you can pick out what you want."

He could feel Scar's gaze on him as he walked into the kitchen, picking up the bag to put in front of them on the floor. The architect sat down on the floor, crossed-legged as he started to grab items out of the bag, "The cafe was closing but we had too many leftovers so I kind of just... got everything. Grab whatever you want."

Scar's eyes wandered over the selection before he hesitantly and slowly, pushed himself off the couch and onto the floor, the way his tanned face winced at the impact of the floor made the dirty blonde's heartache, "How... How much does it hurt?"

"Quite a lot," He chuckled out but it was such a sad and forced sound, "Moving my muscles hurt, doing basically anything hurts, I... It's bearable if I take enough painkillers and have enough heat packs..."

At that, Grian shuffled closer to the other so he didn't have to. They talked about the food, but they really weren't talking about much, mainly just enjoying the distraction the other gave, both needing to get away from the situations they were in. Scar ended up picking all the pumpkin soups, and a few sandwiches for his roommates. As the burnt-out student walked into the kitchen to put the food in the fridge, he pondered out loud, "Why pumpkin soup?"

"Because they're in season!" Scar replied happily, it was like he could hear his bright smile in the tone of his voice, "Pumpkins always taste best this month, and of course, it is the spooky season!"

"Oh yeah, Halloween, forgot that was happening..."

"Really? Man, I love Halloween, I've got so many traditions I do every year!"

Grian sat down next to the taller one, going underneath the blanket so that it covered both of them. He was in a university student's apartment, so it was no surprise that the heating wasn't on. So it wasn't Grian's fault as their legs touched under the fuzzy blanket so they could both fit, he was freezing, "Oh yeah? What kind of traditions?"

"Well I usually watch Nightmare before Christmas and other Halloween movies, but I think the thing I'll miss the most is carving pumpkins and baking the seeds."

"Why are you missing out?"

"Well... I don't think my arms can handle all that," Scar chuckled but there was clearly a pain in his eyes.

"I can help."

The words came out of his mouth without any thinking but as he watched a sparkle enter those deep green eyes of his, he had no regrets, "Really?"

"Yeah, I can invite some of my friends, and some of yours, we'll have a big uh
... pumpkin carving party."

A massive grin grew on his tanned skin, "That sounds amazing!"

They continued to talk about it for hours, and even Cub joined in the conversation, saying that he would get the pumpkins while Scar and Grian decorate the apartment. And on and on it went, Scar went into tangents about banners, little paper ghosts, fake cobwebs, and everything in between, it was clear how passionate he was about everything.

"Looks like we'll have to go to the store for decor," Grian noted before quickly blurting out, "When you're feeling better of course."

"Ah, yeah, I mean we could go, as long as you don't mind stopping every few seconds," Scar joked, laughing out his words.

"I wouldn't mind."

Suddenly, the taller man's expression changed, a bit of shock, disbelief, and then a grateful smile and a bashful glow filled his cheeks, "...Thanks."

His heart fluttered for unknown reasons, so quickly he looked away, but then his eyes wandered to the clock, "Wait! I've been here for like- 3 hours! I've got to go! I'll uh- I'll see you tomorrow, bye!-"

With as much haste as he could muster, Grian, still in his work clothes, jumped up from the floor and rushed to the door, slipping on his shoes and leaving the apartment. The barista didn't wait for anyone to say something or even let them say goodbye, but he couldn't think about that as he speed-walked down the many, many stairs. Half of the reason why he had to leave was that he still needed to study tonight and the sun had already begun to set, but the other half was because he didn't want to let Scar get in the way of his education.

Grian loved hanging out with Scar, and that scared him. He was getting too attached, too focused on a boy, yet again, and he was just going to get himself hurt. The man had become so obsessed over Scar's not so disappear that he did this stupid plan, to begin with. But when the taller architect grins and you can see his smile lines, or when he's midway through a ramble, you can see his eyes sparkle brighter than the finest gems. And his company was... different. It was safe, serine, and soft, in a way he's never experienced before.

And now he had agreed to see him tomorrow and have a pumpkin carving party with him. Scar was his friend, possibly his closest friend, whether Grian liked it or not.

Chapter Text

"Do you think... Do you think that today meant something? Maybe he... I mean he could have brought food to anyone but he went to me... but a few days ago he called me an 'Amazing friend' and he said that it wouldn't change, so-"

"Scar, I'm unsure why you're asking me this, I am possibly the worst person to ask."

"But you're my least judgemental friend!"

"I am also your friend that doesn't like people romantically, so I'm unsure why you think I would have an answer."

Mumbo was in the kitchen after Grian had left, listening to his friend ramble on and on in the living room, sprawled out on the couch, on so many painkillers that he felt queasy. In his hand, he had a cup of coffee, and in the other, he had his engineering homework, something he had been desperately trying to do before he got interrupted by a hopeless romantic.

"You don't understand Mumbo! This guy he's... he makes me go all mushy inside, and he's so sweet and cute, and he has these freckles that make my heart just- ughhhh! I'm such a mess!" He screamed into his hands and they covered his face.

Suddenly, Cub popped his head into the room, "Oh god, what's happened now?"

"Grian," Mumbo spoke simply but the black-haired man simply rolled his eyes.

"Of course."

Scar gestured to Cub, "This is why I went to you instead!"

"No offence but you, my friend, are the definition of a gay disaster," He spoke with a smirk before walking into the room with Jellie in his arms, "She couldn't find you and kept on yelling at me."

Scar sat down on the bed and grabbed Jellie from Cub. She instantly placed her head on his shoulder and purred enough to send vibrations through his entire body, it was nice and comforting. Cub sat next to him and voiced, "Come on, what's the man done now? Wear his glasses? Style his hair slightly differently?"

"He... called me an 'amazing friend' a few days ago and... I don't know how to feel about it," Scar spoke, exhaustion and defeat seeping into his every word.

"Well... at least that's better than being called an awful friend," His roommate suggested, like it made it better, "Or worse, he could have called you 'the brother he never had'"

The brunet winced loudly, cringing as Jellie laid on his chest contently, "Cub, you are the worst comforter."

"Never said I was."

A loud sigh exhausted his lungs, and not just because a large cat was currently flattening them, "I mean-... What can I do? I like this guy, I Really like him, and when I hang out with him it's like everything is perfect in the world, but if I confess and I lose that... I don't even want to think about it."

Cub and Mumbo looked at him with this look of... pity. And he hated it. The look always made him feel so useless. He didn't need their pity or their sympathy. Scar's brain was in such a thick fog, a thick negative fog where everything was annoying, everything was frustrating, and everything 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵!

There has been consistent pain for a few days now but it's been getting worse and worse as he tried to push himself to recovery, as he continued with sleepless nights and stressed-out breakdowns His body ached all over, like he was being burned alive but there was no heat, his joints sent a shock of pain every time they moved even slightly.

"Look, why don't you go to bed, or uh your couch, and try and sleep this whole crisis of your's off-" Mumbo spoke, he was loud, very loud, it made his head pound and when he went to go pat his leg, just to signal that he should go, it felt like he was dying.

A short and violent scream left his mouth as his body was filled with pure 𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘯. It hurt, everything hurt and it was awful. This was another flare-up, and a truly rotten one as well. Something to do with changing weather from summer to autumn, something about the stress that he was going to die alone- It didn't matter, all he knew was that his body had curled in on itself to try and stop the 𝘉𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨.

"Scar!"

-

Grian showed up the next day as he had said. He wasn't one to break his word even if he'd rather stay home studying until his hand hurt from writing. Knocking on the door with his knuckles, the student was met with Cub, but he looked... more compressed than usual. His face was sunken, his shoulders slumped and there were dark circles under his eyes, "Oh uh- Hey Grian."

"...Hey," A heavy silence filled the energy and the dirty blonde started to sweat under the thick tension, "So um... Can I come in?"

"Uhh..." The raven-haired man tapped his fingers on the door frame as his eyes wandered behind him, "Sure but I've got to warn you... Scar isn't doing the best..."

Cub let him pass and as soon as he walked through, he could smell sickness. It smelt like sweat, and musky air from somebody not having the energy to open up a window. It smelt like dirty dishes in the sink, like clothes that hadn't been changed in days, and the smell instantly created thick smog of misery. In the room, there were blankets and pillows around the living room floor and on the couch arm sat Bdubs, one of his classmates and Scar's other roommate.

As Grian crept over, he caught the man's attention, "Oh hey, Grian, right? I sit in the front of the class."

"Yeah, yeah, I recognise you, you're partnered with Etho for the current project, right? He talks about you a bunch," He spoke quietly as he leaned over to see a sleeping Scar, lying on the couch, blankets covering him entirely.

The shortest man's cheeks flushed, "Awe shucks, really? Well, that's sweet."

Grian sat on the other couch arm as he looked down towards his friend, he looked so vulnerable like this, "What's going on? Is he... okay?"

"...He's-... His flareup got really bad last night, couldn't sleep or eat or do anything because of how much pain he was in..."

"oh..."

His dark eyes couldn't peel themselves away from Scar. His eyes were scrunched up when he was meant to be sleeping peacefully, his lips were twisted into a frown which looked so unusual on his usually smiling face. His hair was beyond greasy now, and it clung to his sweat-covered forehead, probably being boiled alive with all his heat packs and blankets. Bdubs noticed Grian's stressed expression and whispered, "Come on, let's go to the kitchen, let this sweetheart sleep."

They wandered into the kitchen area and the shorter man instantly started making himself a cup of tea, "You want one?"

"uh- Do you have a lemon tea?"

"Ummmm- Yeah yeah, I think so."

As he waited for the kettle to boil, he grabbed two boxes of tea, lemon and green, and two mugs, one was in the shape of a cat's head and the other covered in watercolour birds. They didn't talk much, mainly because there wasn't much to talk about, but also because Grian had too much on his mind to think of small talk to have with his acquittance of a classmate.

He wanted to help. He wanted to do something that could make Scar feel better, but he had no idea what he was doing. The barista had lived a pretty privileged life, he didn't know anybody who struggled with chronic pain. He didn't want to do the wrong thing, he didn't want him to think that he was treating him differently. Especially with their last conversation about it playing on repeat in his head.

Grian was snapped out of his train of thought as a warm drink was pushed into his hands, "Oh- Thanks- Thank you."

"No problem," Bdubs spoke as he took a sip of his drink, "So, you and Scar are friends now?"

His gaze wandered over to the couch, "Yeah... yeah we are."

They silently sipped at their teas in comfortable silence before Grian uttered, "And you and Etho?"

A rosy burst of colour took over the other's cheeks, "Aha yeah, we're... we're friends."

Suddenly Cub walked into the kitchen, "B! Need you for an experiment."

"Oh god, not again..." Bdubs uttered under his breath as he put down his mug as rushed over to the man's room with him.

As they shut the door, the sound caused Scar to stir slightly awake. Grian quickly rushed over and saw how his eyes fluttered open and immediately went to cover his face with his hand at the bright lights. The dirty blonde ran to the light switch, turning the overhead lights off and instead putting on a distant lamp. He wasn't sure why he was being so protective, so concerned, maybe he just had mother bird genes.

Scar slowly sat up, very carefully, making sure not to move certain parts of his body, and as his eyes slowly adjusted to his surroundings, he spotted Grian standing in his living room, "Oh. hey... I didn't- I didn't know you were coming over today, if I had known I would of send you a message-"

"No- No, it's okay, I'm glad I came over," As he spoke, he took a step closer to the brunet, and sat next to him, "How are you doing?"

"Worse. I don't know why but I am and ugh... It just sucks..." Scar's arms started to shake as they held up his weight and suddenly, he fell back down, his head resting on Grian's thighs, "Sorry. Lying down feels better."

"That's okay," The architect hummed out as almost by instinct he began running his fingers through his long hazelnut hair.

"Sorry that it's so greasy, I know it's gross-"

"You need to stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault," There was a smile in his voice as he continued to play with the strands of hair, trying to detangle them the best he can, "How long has it been?"

"...I-... I don't want to say, I'm worried you're going to think I'm disgusting..."

A long silence filled the room, the only sound was the occasional scratching at his scalp and gentle breathing, until- "When I- It was-... Last year, I was in a terrible place, and I'm not just talking about the apartment with mould and leaky pipes I called home, I was...

Grian breathed in and out shakily, like his throat was filled with thorns, "I- I didn't have the best people around me and I ended up being so depressed for months, just... staying in bed all day, not really eating or doing anything. Which includes... not showering... for nearly 3 weeks."

Suddenly, he looked down as his fluffy dirty blonde hair draped down, a gentle smile on his face, "I'm not going to get grossed out Scar, I... I don't want to say that I understand because you actually have physical problems but I understand what it feels like to be unable to take care of yourself."

Scar looked up with wide emerald eyes, shining with wonder and a twinge of happiness and slowly, he smiled, "Thank you..."

The silence was comfortable. They didn't need to talk, just enjoy each other's company as cautiously and softly, Grian tried to get the knots out of his hair, now using both hands, but it was still so difficult. Rain had begun to pour down but in a way that caused gentle noises on the window, it made everything warm and calm. A small tender voice broke through the pitter-patter of the weather, "I could... I could help you... if you want."

Scar hummed out, nearly inaudible, becoming all mushy in Grian's delicate hands, "what do you mean?"

"Like... with your hair. I could-... I could help you wash your hair for you, so it isn't bugging you as much."

The dirty blonde was flushed in the cheeks, clearly embarrassed to be asking but there wasn't a doubt in the other's mind as he ushered, "Yes. Please- I... I would like that a lot."

-

Grian had one arm under Scar's shoulder to try and support him, even though he had a cane to lean on, even though Scar was heavier than the shorter man was strong, he still tried, as they took a step in front of the other towards the bathroom.

The brunet leaned on the tiled wall as Grian took the shower head off its stand and started to get the water to a comfortable temperature.

"Is this as warm as the water gets-" He began as he turned out and saw Scar taking off his pants, "Scar!"

His cheeks were burning up so much as he dropped the shower head and water started to splurt out everywhere. Quickly, he snatched it from the bath and leaned on the side of it with his knees on the floor, head lowered in embarrassment, "Sorry, sorry, I uh- I wasn't expecting that..."

"Well people don't usually wear clothes in the shower G," Scar laughed out as he stepped into the shower and sat down in the bath combo, "I'll keep my underwear on, don't worry."

That wasn't what Grian was worried about. As his hand went under the running water, his mind was a bunch of loose threads, all jumbled up and messy in ways that make any thoughts incoherent. Scar was an attractive person, that was something the other wasn't scared to admit as saying anything else would be a blatant lie. But seeing him like this, exposed, with hair on his chest and his leg muscles- Grian really shouldn't stare. Especially with his cheeks as red as they were, he didn't want to give off the wrong impression.

"Alright, come here," Grian muttered as he got the shower head and began to wet Scar's long hair, a lot got onto his face but he just laughed it off.

The lukewarm water ran down his body, though the smaller man kept his eyes above his shoulders at all times so he wouldn't know. When his hair was fully soaked, Grian put the shower head to the side and picked up a discarded shampoo bottle. With a large amount in his hand, he began to work it in, making sure to get it mainly on his roots, lathering soapy suds with a circular motion.

Grian couldn't help but notice the way the taller man had his eyes closed, he looked so peaceful as he leaned into the touch just slightly, maybe hoping that the other wouldn't notice. He had a slanted soft smile that seemed so genuine and grateful. Suddenly, his emerald eyes fluttered open and his smile twisted downwards, "Why did you stop?"

The student realized that as he stared at the other, he had accidentally stopped as he got so distracted. That shouldn't be happening, he didn't want to get distracted, in any situation, "Sorry..."

To stop the man from questioning the other's actions, he got the shower head and quickly started to rinse out the suds. Grabbing the conditioner he began working it into the ends, the hair already feeling less knotty, "I just want to say that I do appreciate this, I mean this- this is beyond caring and consideration, you didn't have to. If you felt at all pressure to do this- I just- I don't want to be a burden-"

"Scar. You are not a burden. I like taking care of you- not in a weird way just... you're my- you're my friend... I'm happy to help..."

"So you meant all that, when I walked you home in the rain, I really am your friend?"

"Of course!" Grian said it so quickly that the words weren't words, "I mean-... Well, I'd like to be your friend at least, I'm so new to making them but I want to try, if that's... if that's okay with you."

Scar's eyes were full of wonder and a happiness shine that could blind anybody who dared looked into them, "Yeah, we can be friends."

With flustered expressions on both of their faces, they finished off, and Grian let him be so he could get changed into some clean clothes. As he walked into the kitchen, he bumped into a tall figure, "Oof- Sorry! I didn't see you-"

As his dark eyes looked up, he became face-to-face with-

"Mumbo..."

The lanky man looked down at him with as much surprise as the other had, in his hand was a cup of coffee in the mug that Grian had bought him so many years ago. And for a long time, no words were spoken, mainly because neither knew what to do, what to say, how to feel.

"I... I didn't know you lived here."

"And I didn't know you were still here..."

Grian fiddled with his fingers, ringing them as he tried to avoid eye contact as much as he possibly could, "yeah well... Scar needed my help so..."

Rain continued to pour down heavily, crashing against the window, wind howling outside, a thunderstorm at its worse. The dirty blonde felt like he was going to be sick, he felt like his stomach was twisting into tight knots. There was a reason why he avoided the man as much as possible, so he didn't have to deal with this awkward situation...

Mumbo took a sip of his drink because sighing, "So... it's been a while. Year 11, right?"

Grian hummed in agreement, "Think the last time we talked was probably the last day."

The man winced, "Oh god yeah, I- I uh completely forgot about that,"

"I didn't."

The architect looked up at his childhood best friend. Two kids who lived on the same street, two nerds who loved to talk about video games and space and whatever for hours in Mumbo's treehouse. And now there was a terrible awkwardness between the two, a ship of silence that couldn't be sunk.

"Yeah... You know, I didn't mean to lose contact, I was going to call at some point. I just..."

"It's fine," Grian lied, "I'm not too bothered by it, the past is in the past and all that."

"I didn't- I didn't mean to lose contact with you."

The young man didn't know what to say, or how to feel, he knew that it wasn't Mumbo's fault that hadn't talked in years but he was still upset. Mainly at himself for not calling either. Grian turned away from his ex-friend and started to clean up the couch for Scar, wanting him to feel as comfortable as possible. He had moved on from high school, he didn't need a reminder.

"You uh... Do you keep in touch with anybody else? What about Martyn?"

"Jesus, I haven't heard from him in so long. I haven't talked to anybody from our old friend group..."

"Really? Not even Watcher?"

Grian let go of the pillow he was holding and froze. It was like a cold chill had crawled up his spine, a freezing sweat covered his body, and his heart started to race. He knew that wasn't a normal reaction to hear his name but it was completely out of control.

"Don't. Just... Please don't. I don't want to talk about him, not right now."

"Oh! Sorry- I didn't mean to- I uh- look, I'll get out of your way, I know you don't want to talk to me and I don't blame you, I just... I just thought-..." Mumbo spoke but shut himself up, before sighing, his body slumping from pure exhaustion, before turning around and began walking to his room.

Just let him go. Let him leave. Let him go. Don't stop him. Don't-

Grian grabbed at the sleeve of his button-up, stopping him in his tracks, "Wait... I- I... I want to start over. I can't deny that I don't miss... our time together."

There was a shine in those forest eyes, "I want to too, I never wanted to leave things the way they were..."

With a heavy sigh, they looked at each other, probably for the first time since the argument, both of them looked so exhausted from life. Grian was the first to try and mend their friendship as swiftly, he extended his hand, "I've seen you around college but I don't think we've had the chance to talk. I'm Grian."

Mumbo smiled softly before taking his hand and shaking, "Mumbo Jumbo, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"You too," The grins on each other's faces were shining with joy.

Suddenly, Scar walked into the room, hair dripping wet with a towel lazily thrown over it, now wearing clean star trek pyjamas that Grian couldn't deny looked cute on him, "Oh Mumbo, hey! I see you've met Grian!"

The tallest man in the group just smiled nervously and nodded, rubbing the nape of his neck, "I better get going to my room, got a lot of revision to do."

As the dirty blonde watches him leave, he hears himself say, "hey! Scar and I are hosting a pumpkin carving party this weekend, I want you to be there."

With a thumbs up and this signature anxious grin, he left for his room, and the other knew that things were a lot better between them. As a weight lifted off his chest, Grian looked over at Scar, who had sat down on the floor in front of the couch and vigorously dried his long hair with the towel, "Ah! Scar! No wonder your hair is so knotty!"

Quickly, he grabbed the towel from his hands and sat on the couch behind him, "Got a brush?"

As the taller man blushed, probably from embarrassment or something, he put a brush in the other's soft hands. And he instantly started getting to work. Working from the bottom to the top slowly and carefully, getting rid of all the knots that were loosened from the conditioner. Grian made sure not to hurt the other as he put his legs beside him, not stopping until he could run his fingers through his head with ease. It felt nice, and flowy like a god had blessed him with hair strands of silk.

From muscle memory, he began pulling the stands into patterns until the other noticed, "What are you doing?"

"I'm braiding your hair," Working on a braid right above his left ear, a design in mind, "I used to do it all the time for my younger sister and even for my younger brother when he got jealous."

Scar chuckled, "I see, well you better make me look amazing."

"I'll try my best."

Grian's eyes wandered over to the cane on the ground and his mind started to spiral with thoughts and questions. He couldn't help himself from being curious, so softly and cautiously, he spoke, "How... How long has- How long have you needed the cane...?"

"Uh... For quite a long time. It wasn't as bad when I was a kid, I remember running, dancing, and playing, being so carefree and not worrying about being unable to get out of bed the next day, but as I got older, it just slowly appeared, slowly crept into my life until I spent most days in bed..." Scar explained things so slowly, so behind his teeth, like this conversation was hurting him.

"My parents weren't the most helpful people in the world, they just thought I was being lazy, they wouldn't listen, they never listen-... Now that I'm an adult, I know what helps, I know that heat packs and water bottles help with muscle pains, I know to avoid activities that could drain me too much, and most importantly, I used a cane everywhere but... lately, I've been... Avoiding using it and well... here I am, a product of my own consequences..."

The dirty blonde watched Scar carefully, watching as his eyes lost their shine and the way the corners of his lips sunken in unpleasant ways, it caused his heart to break, "I... I might not say the right things so I'm already going to apologize in advance but- I want to say that I- You are so incredible, I mean- I looked up to you in ways, and now I look up to you even more. You are still here despite everything, and-and you are so much more than your illness but of course in the same breath, if you need Anything... I'd gladly help."

Scar let out a shaky breath as he turned away from the man, and together they sat in silence. Grian didn't push him to talk anymore and just continued to braid his hair until he could interlock two braids from above his ears so it gave a slightly elven look, like the one from the drawings. He got out his phone's camera and passed it to Scar, "So, what do you think?"

A genuine smile grew on the man's face before he turned around and pulled Grian to the floor so he could bear hug, "I love it! Gosh, thank you so much, I- I don't even know what to say, for everything you've done-"

The dirty blonde placed a finger to his lips, "Shh, it's alright, it's nothing."

"It might be nothing to you but it's everything to me."

And what could Grian say to that? What could he do except hug the other? It was just to comfort him, it was to let him know that he was there, and it wasn't for his own gain. Of course, it wasn't. Even if Scar was nice and warm and his hugs made him feel safe. It was all for his friend.

Chapter Text

Scar adored Halloween!

Well, he loved every holiday, the festive joy of Christmas, the motivation of New Year, and his hopeless romantic heart fell head over heels for Valentine's day, even if he's never had somebody to celebrate with. He's even starting to like the English traditions like Guy Faulk's day or something, all he knew was that he got to see fireworks twice a year without having the American flag pushed into his face.

Maybe it wasn't the holiday but the community, the connection it forms between friends and strangers, an excuse to celebrate, whatever it was, Scar was so excited. He had done nothing but recovered the past few days so he could meet Grian downstairs, even if he was in his wheelchair. All so they could go to the nearest supermarket and pick up supplies.

They had been texting nearly all the time, talking about the party, what they'll need, how each other was doing, the project, and everything in-between, and Scar couldn't be happier. And all this talking had made him hopeful. He noticed how Grian averted his eyes whenever they locked with his, he noticed how close he would get, how comfortable resting his head on his shoulder, and how he blushed in ways he hadn't seen the shorter man do with anybody else. Maybe there was a teeny tiny chance that perhaps Grian could possibly... like him. Or Scar was insane.

When Scar pushed his wheelchair out of the elevator, Grian was already in the lobby, scrolling absently on his phone, dressed up more fancy than usual. He caught the shorter's man's attention and the way his eyes lit up and a smile appeared almost instantly as soon as he saw the man, well... it made his heart a bit more hopeful, "Scar! I was starting to worry that you were going to bail on me."

"Sorry, sorry, I know I'm late but Jellie was laying on top of me! What was a man to do?"

Grian's laugh made his cheek a horrible pink but the sound was so contagious, "Come on you goof, let's go."

They made their way through the streets of London, the hustle and bustle of the city despite wasn't very accessible to people like him, with large crowds, too many cars to keep track of, and uneven sidewalks. But Grian was right next to him, just walking aside him at a pace he could keep up with his chair, and anytime he couldn't cross a root or large crack, he helped when asked, it was nice to have a friend like that. It would be even nice to have a boyfriend like that...

Eventually, they made their way to their local supermarket, decorated with banners of pumpkins and bats. Quickly going to the Halloween section with a shopping cart and filling it with banners, tacky skull plates, and of course pumpkins, many, many little pumpkins and pumpkin carving kits for each of their friends.

"Oh god, I didn't realize that I should get a costume," Grian pondered as he picked up a witch's hat, "I haven't dressed up since I was probably seven. It would be weird for me to do it, right?"

"No! Of course not! I'll even dress up with you, I know that I'm intrigued by that wizard costume," Scar spoke quickly.

"You just want the beard," The shorter man chuckled as he got it for the other, his dark eyes browsing the selection before picking up a vampire costume, "I guess if you've got a costume it's fine."

"Ah, the vampire, now, did you pick that because of all the sleepless nights you have or because of how pale you are?"

"Haha. Very funny..."

This shopping spree was better than either could expect from their local Tesco's, both seemed to find humour in the strangest of places, "Scar, no! We are not getting a life-sized skeleton-"

"But think of the scares we could do!"

"Nobody is going to be scared of that."

Scar, sulking, then spotted something else he could pester the man with, "Well, if I can't get McRibbs-"

"You've already named him?-"

"Then, you have to wear the pumpkin crown!" The taller student exclaimed as he got Grian to bend down so he could 21 didn't even fit him right.

As the embarrassed man rolled his eyes, there was a clear smile on his face, "Scar, I can't wear this, I look stupid-"

"I think you look amazing," He blurted out before he could really think.

Despite how weird of a comment it was to make and anybody would have just laughed it off or gotten confused, a light blush erupted to the freckled face of his beloved. And with a bashful chuckle, Grian rubbed the nape of his neck before averting his gaze, a wide smile stuck on his lips, his dimples visible. The brunet loved that smile, and he wanted to see it for the rest of his days. Scar wanted to tell him, he wanted to be able to keep on making dumb jokes with him and have him close by when he goes out, everything was just better with Grian... and maybe he felt the same way.

"So uh- I was uh-" The shorter man looked down at him with these wishful eyes, and his heart yearned deeply, "I was thinking that after this party, we could maybe... go out, just the two of us... You know, as a da-"

"Grian?"

The two looked over to the end of the aisle where three young adults stood. They were two boys and a girl, smirking and snickering like a bunch of high school bullies, and the most important thing to judge them by was that Grian's smile instantly vanished as soon as he heard their voices. Quickly, he ripped the hat off his head, his dirty blonde locks sticking up in random places, "Oh! Hey, guys I uh- I didn't expect to see you all here..."

They reeked of cigarette smoke and the shopping kart one of them was resting against was filled with six packs and bottles of gin and vodka. They looked terrible like they were in a constant state of hungover, and yet they still had those smug smirks on their faces. Scar didn't like them.

"Wow, I haven't seen you in forever! Glad to see you're keeping yourself fed, you used to be so skinny, now look at you!" The girl uttered with a smile as her eyes looked up and down, quick enough that you can't call them out on it but enough for it to destroy your self-esteem, and it clearly worked as Grian wrapped his arms around himself.

"What are you even doing here? Didn't think I'd find you anywhere but the university," The boy snickered to himself as he swung an arm over the most petite boy's shoulder, making him visibly uncomfortable.

"Well, I'm having a Halloween party with a few of my friends-" He couldn't finish his sentence before the other boy cut him off.

"Us too! You should totally come over to ours, you were always so fun at parties. Plus, Watcher is going to be thereee," he trailed on his last word in a teasing sort of manner,

Grian tensed up so much, eyes widening with his fists clenched tightly. He looked like he was going to vomit.

"I think we need to go-" Scar tried to say but they just ignored him like he wasn't even there.

"I mean, what are you even going to do at a party with these?" The boy uttered as he wandered over to their cart and pulled out the tacky Halloween paper plates, making his other two friends laugh and follow suit.

"Oh my god, these are so lame," The girl giggled to herself as Grian watched helplessly as they mocked the supplies Scar and him had fun picking out.

"they're meant to be bad..." It was like they couldn't hear the shortest man, though maybe though couldn't over their half-jokingly insults.

"We need to get going!" Scar suddenly burst out, finally catching the attention of the three, "We're already running late so-"

"Who's this?" The girl spoke like Scar wasn't there, looking straight at Grian who looked like a deer in headlights.

"He's uh- He-... He's my friend."

There was finally a moment of silence as they all looked at the dirty blonde. And then they laughed, snickering behind their hand like that somehow muffled the sound. Grian shrivelled away into himself, any confidence he had, any happiness, it was long gone now, and now his expression was just sunken and defeated, but not surprised.

"Well, we'll leave you two alone," The girl giggled, sarcastically, "Have fun at your party. Text us! We should hang out again, I'm sure Watcher would love to see you."

And finally, they left, their laughter echoing through the student's bubble for way longer than it should. Grian walked over to the shopping cart and pulled out the paper plates. Wordlessly, he put them back, head down, shoulders low.

"Hey, don't let them get to you-"

Grian snapped his head to look down at him with this... pain and embarrassment that seemed to dig down deep, "Scar just... Please... I just want to go back."

So, Scar didn't push him to talk, he didn't seem to want to and the last thing he wanted to do was make him when he was already so anxious. But that didn't stop him from being curious, especially as they paid and began to journey back home, a bag in his lap. Grian knew them, and they knew him, but there was clearly way more to it...

They didn't speak much, but when they got into the elevator, the architect finally spoke, "I'm sorry for snapping..."

"Don't worry about it," Scar quickly said, getting a bit spooked by the sudden noise.

"I just- They always- Ugh... This is actually why I don't talk to my old friends anymore, they always do this! I'm so sorry that you had to see that..." The shorter man ran his fingers through his hair as the tension in his shoulders eased.

"It's alright. You really shouldn't let them get to you though..."

"I know, I know... it's just- when I'm with them it's like I'm who I used to be- it's like I'm living with him again..."

With the way his face scrunched up in disgust, like he going to gag at the thought, it didn't take long for Scar to connect the dots, "Watcher?"

Grian's body instantly tensed up. And his hands shooked violently, tight enough for his knuckles to turn white around the handle of the bag. He couldn't even look at the other man, maybe in shame, maybe because of something else. Suddenly, the elevator door opened and he quickly walked out, "Come on, we should go back..."

When they entered the apartment, Mumbo, Cub, and Bdubs were setting up the carving station and food.

"Oh thank god, I thought you guys would never show up," Cub uttered as he took one of the bags and instantly started unpacking the decorations.

The raven-haired man was wearing a lab coat with electrified hair and safety goggles, a mad scientist. Mumbo was wearing a black suit with a red tie along with a fake moustache and top hat, a magician. And Bdubs had worn... a coat made out of moss? Scar wasn't sure what he was meant to be...

"I'm going to get changed into my costume," Grian muttered as he picked out his vampire costume from the plastic bag and shuffled over to the bathroom.

Cub watched him leave before putting his hands on Scar's shoulders, "Sooo, you didn't chicken out on telling him, did you?"

"I was going to ask him out, okay? I was so close! And then some of his friends showed up and they were being jerks and- ugh..." He rambled on quickly before putting his head in his hands.

"His friends? Like Etho?" Bdubs questioned.

"No no, like his older friends, I don't know any of their names, there was a Watcher that kept on getting brought up though..."

Mumbo's eyes widened and his demeanour changed rapidly, enough for the others to notice, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah yeah, of course, I just... Think I forgot my phone in my room..." Quickly he dashed away, quick enough for nobody to be able to stop him.

Scar watched him leave as a dull ache began to spread through his heart, "Do you... Do you guys think Watcher is... an ex?"

"Probably." Cub spoke before being elbowed by Bdubs, "Sorry! But you know I'm right."

"...Yeah, I'm sorry Scar but he probably has a few exes, most people do."

"I don't! I didn't think about the fact that he's dated before!" Scar was freaking out more and more, how could he think he could ask him out when Grian's been with guys who are so much better than he'd ever be.

"I know that look, you're overthinking again," Cub commented, "I'm sure this Watcher guy means nothing to him."

-

Mumbo made his way to the bathroom, knowing that someone he cared deeply for needed his help.

And he was right. As he walked closer to the door, he heard faint sniffles, like someone was trying to suppress a sob. Gentle, he knocked on the oak door, and listened to the way the crying stopped instantly, "Give me a second!"

"Hey, it's... it's me."

There was a long silence.

Then suddenly, the door unlocked. It swung open slowly and in the doorway, Grian stood. His eyelashes were wet, the tip of his nose and ears were rosy, and his hair was a mess, probably from getting the vampire costume on. His voice was coarse as he uttered quietly, "Hey..."

"I wanted to... check in with you..."

Wordlessly, Grian moved away from the doorway to let the other in. As Mumbo walked in, the other closed the door behind him and leaned against the wall. He had his arms crossed across his chest, as the lanky man sat on the edge of the bath.

"I... I'm sorry for being such a mess, I don't even know why I'm so upset, this shouldn't upset me as much as it does-!"

"Hey, hey, it's okay to feel things, even if you don't understand it right now," Mumbo quickly uttered, "I know you probably don't want to talk about it but... I'm here for you if you need me."

Grian ran his fingers through his hair as a heavy sigh left his chest, if he could talk to anybody, it should be his childhood best friend, somebody who knew him so well, somebody he knew Watcher as well, but... "I... I don't want to talk about it but... thank you..."

The taller man stood up and offered his hand to his friend, "Come on, let's have fun tonight."

A smile finally grew on the man's face and he let the other grab his hand and lead him out of the bathroom to where his friends were. Bdubs, Cub, False, who had a steampunk look, Impulse, who was a dwarf, Ren, a king, Doc, a cyborg, Etho and Tango, who didn't even bother with a costume, were all gathered around the kitchen counter, setting up the pumpkins. All the decorations had been placed around the place, all tacky and brilliant.

As Grian joined back with the group, he noticed somebody who was missing, "Where's Scar?"

If by chance, Scar walked out of a nearby bedroom in a purple wizard hat and robe, a massive grey beard, and no pants on. Instead, he was wearing heart underwear and some pink fuzzy socks, "I don't know why but my costume didn't come with pants so-"

"Scar!" The crowd yelled as laughter filled the room.

Half of their friends were trying to get him to cover up while the other half was encouraging his antics. And all Grian could do was blush and try to look away, not for any particular reasons. After everyone had calmed down, and Scar wearing some shorts much to his displeasure, they began carving the pumpkins. It was a mess, big mixing bowls were quickly filling with pumpkin seeds and inners and people were being threatened with knives.

Grian sat next to the one and only wizard, who was drawing a cat pumpkin using a sharpie, "Awe! That's cute!"

That caught the man's attention, "Heh, thanks! I'm making Jellie!"

He looked over at the other's pumpkin, which was just two dots and a triangle for a mouth, "Your's is... nice."

"Hey! Just because I don't have artist abilities like you doesn't mean that Gerald isn't cute!"

Scar laughed with his chest, it made an ungodly feeling flutter in the man's stomach, "I apologise, Gerald, you are pretty adorable."

The night continued with happiness coursing through everybody. Halloween music was being played on somebody's phone, from classics to really odd ones, and the people who had finished their pumpkins and put the led candle in were dancing in the living room, singing along. Scar and Grian were the last people to finish, mainly because they were too busy talking to each other.

"Scar, I swear to god if you get pumpkin guts on me!-"

"You're the one who's got your grippers elbow-deep in Gerald's brain!"

"Gerald had it coming!"

They kept on falling into bursts of never-ending laughter, so much so that Grian's cheeks and sides hurt from how well this night had gone. It was nice to see their two friend groups colliding as well.

"Look, Bdubs and Etho are tucked away in the corner," The wizard pointed out with a side glance.

"Oh yeah, look at those two lovebirds, in their own little world," The vampire chuckled before turning back to his friend, as it was just them two tucked away at the kitchen counter, "You nearly done?"

"Yep! Just trying to get this candle to work- Ah! There we go!"

They got up together and went to go put their pumpkins with the others when they realized that there was zero space left. Then, Scar grabbed Grian's wrist and pulled him along, "We can put them on the balcony!"

As soon as they stepped outside, the shorter man marvelled at the streets down below. Night had fallen so trick-and-treaters were abundant, all in their little costumes and laughing with glee. Grian placed down his pumpkin right next to his friend's and smiled with pride at how it had turned out, "You know, this night has actually been really fun."

Scar hummed as he leaned against the bannister, looking at the orange leaves, "Hm? Did you think it wouldn't be?"

"No, I mean I did but- it wasn't a very good start," The dirty blonde spoke, joining him as their shoulders bumped together.

"Yeah..." His voice was calm and soft, somehow, it felt cosy, like a warm drink or a fuzzy blanket, "Do you... Do you want to talk about it?"

There was no reason why he should, Grian had only known this man for a few weeks, even if it had felt so much longer... Scar was his friend, his closest friend, and for some reason, he felt safe, "I haven't told anybody- I haven't talked to anybody, I just wanted to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen but obviously that hasn't worked..."

"Watcher-... He- He was my boyfriend for a year. We were friends before that, all through high school, but when we found ourselves in the same class last year we-... He told me that he liked me. He told me I was special and- and- I don't know... I fell hard."

The wind rippled through his vampire cloak, and the night was so peaceful as he looked at all the Halloween decorations below, "He wasn't good for me. He forced me to live with him, he wanted me to drop out of the course so I could be with him, invaded my privacy, was so jealous of anybody I talked to, and he just made my life so difficult until I managed to break free over the summer holiday."

"Even though I have moved on, I don't think he has... I keep on getting calls and text messages from unknown numbers, I keep on seeing him out of the corner of my eye, and his friends keep on pestering me, I feel like I'm losing my mind!" Grian burst out, all his feelings and emotions spilling out from his overfilled heart.

Scar didn't seem to mind, just looking at him with these understanding eyes, listening closely, waiting for the other to finish before putting a hand on his shoulder, "I just want to say... Thank you for telling me that, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you... And you're not losing your mind, he sounds like such an asshole!"

Grian chuckled softly and sadly, a weight finally lifting off his chest as his friend continued, "Maybe you should go to the police, or at least change your number, I'll even help."

"Thanks, Scar but... it wasn't that bad..."

"Really? But what you just said- it's awful what he did to you!"

"I guess..." The vampire muttered, rubbing the nape of his neck, "I don't know, I haven't dated anybody but him, so maybe that's just normal for relationships..."

"It's not! I haven't dated once and even I know that!" The brunet sounded so angry for him, outraged by even the idea that somebody would hurt him, it was oddly sweet, "If I were to- I mean- If somebody- I promise you G, some prince charming will come along and they will treat you like royalty, only the best for somebody as cute as you."

A vibrant rogue filled his cheeks instantly and an embarrassingly big smile was forced onto his lips without his consent, his heart was racing at such a small compliment, somehow, when it came from Scar, it was just so much more endearing, "Oh Scar, stop it, you're way too sweet to me."

"Nonsense! It's just a fact," With a wink and a sly smile, he had Grian a bashful mess, even if all this was to probably make him feel better.

"Well, even if I am so cute," He chuckled, looking into those emerald eyes that shone in the dark, "I don't think I want to throw myself back into the dating ring so soon... I want to be by myself for a bit longer and focus on my education, you know?"

When he looked away into the night, he missed the way Scar's smile dropped and how he deflated into himself before quietly he mumbled, "yeah..."

A comfortable silence fell between the two before Mumbo interrupted it by walking onto the cramped balcony, "There you two are! Come on, we're missing you!"

Sharing one more look at each other, they walked in together, enjoying the rest of their night with friends and music. A bit of distance between the two is noticeable to everyone but themselves...

Chapter Text

They only had a few days left until the project deadline.

To say that Grian was stressed was an understatement. He was pulling out his hair with how much they were behind, no fault of their own. With the Halloween party and Scar needing his rest, they hadn't gotten as much work as the more petite man would have liked. So for the past few days, now knowing the horrible situation he's gotten himself into, he hasn't slept, spending each night getting all his research and finishing off the floorplan.

Now, on Scar's behalf, he has done as much as he possibly could when Grian called him up a panicked sleep-deprived mess because he couldn't understand the man's notes filled with typos and errors. The brunet was trying, trying harder than any of his other previous project partners have, constantly sending him concept drawings and sketches and making any changes he needed.

But... he was still Scar. And even though he joined Grian on his breaks in the library so they could get more work done, he was prone to distractions. So while the smaller student was working away on his computer, compiling all their research into a PowerPoint, Scar made bracelets using different thread colours.

"What is your favourite colour?" His deep voice suddenly burst the architect's bubble.

"Hm?" He turned his head in Scar's direction, "Have you been making bracelets this entire time?"

"No, no, this is just my break."

"Break? Scar we don't have enough time to-"

"Just-" Suddenly, his rough calloused hands were on top of Grian's, stopping his ramble and short-circuiting his brain, "Tell me what your favourite colour is."

Pulling his hands away with a bashful smile, the dirty blonde mumbled, "Red..."

"I should have known," His friend chuckled, eyeing the sweater he wore nearly every day before getting back to his arts and crafts.

It was nice to have Scar there. He reminded him that breaks and water existed, even if all he wanted to do is work until he was about to pass out. The man was a welcome distraction. And despite all these interruptions, they finally managed to get all of their research and theory work done with a few days to go, the only problem was that they hadn't even started on their model. Thankfully, it only had to be a concept model so it should only take a day or two, or one sleepless night.

"How about we get some supplies and we start making it at your place after class-" Grian rambled on before being cut off.

"Ah- No can do, G. Bdubs and Etho are using the living room for their model."

"Oh well, we can just use your room then," Suddenly, a smile fell from Scar's face.

"Uh- right, my room, which I have, uhh- Yeah that won't work either... It's uh- got toxic gas in it and the walls have just been painted, and you don't want to be in there..." He was lying, he was never good at hiding it.

But if he was lying about it, he didn't want to talk about it, "Oh okay... Well, I guess we can do it in my dorm."

"Oooh! I haven't visited your dorm yet!"

"Don't get your hopes too high, it's just a bed and books," Grian spoke with a chuckle, starting to get his stuff back in his backpack.

"Wait, give me your wrist," Scar burst out, standing up from his chair.

"Uh... okay?"

As the smaller student extended his hand to his partner, he felt something go around it and be tightened to his small wrists. When Scar stepped away he saw a bracelet had been placed upon him, split between green and red thread. As he looked up at the brunet, he saw with pride that he had the same bracelet on his, albeit larger, wrist.

"Now we're officially friends!"

It was a friendship bracelet.

Grian looked down at it, feeling it between his two fingers. It wasn't perfect but it was way better than perfect. A light blush sprung upon his cheeks as quietly, with a smile full of fondness, he uttered, "Thank you..."

-

Scar was waiting by Grian's dorm door, sitting on the carpet. If he knew how many people had probably thrown up on it, he probably wouldn't be sat there.

He waited patiently as the dirty blonde got all the needed materials. Foam boards, cardboard, card, different woods, and tools were able to warp the materials to how they wanted them to be, while Scar brought his paint and other colouring methods.

"How long have you been there?" Grian wondered as he got out his keycard and opened the door.

"Eh, about twenty minutes. It's fine though, your friends saw me and helped the time go by!"

"My friends? Oh god, what did they say?" He asked as he trudged through his dorm to sit at his desk, maybe he should have cleaned before Scar showed up...

There were books and clothes and everything everywhere. He never was the cleanest person, always one to let things pile up until they gained sentience or until he had to find one specific thing in his pile monster. Somehow, Scar was completely unbothered by the mess, casually stepping around the clutter to sit on the bed as he uttered, "Nothing much, though they did tell me that I have to stop you from overworking yourself."

"Did they actually say that or are you just trying to pressure me into taking breaks?"

"I can not deny nor accept these scandalous claims."

Grian chuckled before looking around the room, "Sorry about the mess... I swear it's not usually like this!"

"Oh it's fine, you should have seen my room back in America, proper hoarder situation!" He laughed off like the chaos wasn't even noticeable.

He always knew exactly what to say to make the shorter man feel better... He began clearing a large area on his desk, which mainly meant putting things on the floor, so he could put the materials down. Then a thought popped up, something that was a bit difficult to ignore, "You know, for someone who travelled all the way from America to be here, I think that might be the first time you've ever mentioned it."

Scar's expression changed to something a bit sour, like being reminded of an embarrassing memory, "Ah... Well... You see- I uh- I guess it just doesn't come up that much."

Another lie. There were a lot of things he seemed to be hiding from Grian. But calling him out on it made the dirty blonde a hypocrite as there were a lot of things he hasn't told Scar. He just wished he didn't make it so noticeable...

They set up their little workshop on the floor. Laying down a large board of wood to level it all out and to have something to carry it on before getting to work. They worked together, glueing and combining the materials to make the walls of the house. With a gentle lull of music coming from Grian's phone, he decided that maybe there was a better time to spend this time with his new 'official' friend.

"I feel like despite spending nearly all this month together, there's still so much I don't know about you," The shorter man uttered, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Hm?" Scar hummed, not even looking up from the model.

"I want to know more about you, I do. You're such an interesting person, it feels only right," Grian chose his words carefully, his flattery worked with the crooked smile growing on his face, "So, I want to play a game?"

"Yeah?"

"Just a basic icebreaker game, I ask a question and then you ask me one back, and repeat. And all we have to do is try and answer them as honestly as possible."

That perked his interest. He looked up from the project to see a mischievous little face staring at him, making an adorable chuckle leave his mouth, "I feel like I'm going to regret this, but okay. Only if I get to go first though!"

With a wave of his hand, the dirty blonde uttered, "The floor is yours."

"What's the most embarrassing moment from your life?"

A bright flush came to his cheeks before laughing, "Starting strong, aren't we? Alright, I see how it is!"

Scar's devious grin somehow made him comfortable enough to tell him something he had repressed for years.

"I think that would probably be Year 11. It was prom," A small gasp erupted, "I know, terrible start. I went with a close friend of mine who I liked at the time. We were having a great time until a slow dance came on and I convinced him to dance with me. I had it all planned out, it was going to be like a romantic movie. The music was perfect, we were wearing matching suits, and I leaned in for a kiss... And he panicked, pushed me away, and ran away..."

Scar looked horrified, "No!"

"Yep... In front of everyone too. I can't even think of that moment without dying inside. It was completely my fault as well as he didn't even like guys!"

"Oh god... I'm so glad I didn't go to my prom now, that sounds awful-"

"Wow. Thanks."

"I'm just saying the truth!"

Grian managed to laugh despite cringing at his terrible misfortunes, "Alright, alright, my turn. What's your family like? You don't mention them, at all."

"My family?" He repeated like it was a foreign concept to him, "Uh... My family... They uh- Well-... I don't know how to-..."

He watched as Scar struggled, so he interrupted, "You don't have to say anything you don't want to but you should know that I won't ever judge you or ever think any different of you."

That seemed to calm him down. So with one breathe in. And out. He spoke, "I am an only child. My parents, they... They kind of have all their hopes on me and want me to successful more than they want me to be happy. I mean, even when I was little, my father made me come to his company to work part-time so I learned how to work early, it was incredibly labour-inducing, probably why I'm stronger than I should be, and why my chronic pain is a lot worse than it should be."

They kind of... don't believe I have chronic pain? When I complained enough growing up they sent me for blood tests and when they came back fine they just decided I was faking it," He laughed sadly as he rubbed at his emerald eyes, "I don't talk to them much after I travelled here, maybe a call on my birthday and at Christmas but... yeah."

Grian watched as he tried to smile through the pain, his hands shaking, his eyes empty, he looked so crushed. Pushing the model aside, the smaller man reached forward and pulled him into a hug, the only way he knew how to comfort. Scar sank into the hug, letting himself be surrounded by the other's arms, "I'm sorry that your family are assholes. But you've done amazing without them, you've got a new life with new friends and you've got me."

"Yeah..." The brunet's voice was muffled as it buried into his red sweater, "Thank you..."

The hug probably lasted longer than it should of but neither wanted to let go. It was Scar who eventually pulled away, his eyelashes slightly wet, "Sorry, sorry, we need to get this project done."

"It's alright, we can just pull an all-nighter, take our time."

"You want me to stay in your dorm with you?"

"Yeah, think of it like... a sleepover. I can see if I can find some spare blankets and pillows and I'm sure some of my clothes could... fit you- Yeah no, you're gonna have to sleep in what you're wearing."

"That's alright, I just sleep in my boxers anyway," The taller man mentioned casually, "Is it okay if I reuse your question? I want to know what your family is like."

Grian took a second to process that a question had been asked, too lost in his thoughts, "Uh- right- yeah, that's fine. My family is... Well, it's chaos. I have a younger brother and sister, Timmy and Pearl, two cats, and my parents, who are so in love with each other it's unbearable..."

"Awwe! That's cute!"

"Not when they call each other things like sweet bean and snookums."

"Well, I still think that's sweet!"

"Actually," Grian added as he got the model back in front of them and started on the floorplan, "I think my mom would love you."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. She would probably try and adopt you and invite you over for dinner, packing you the leftovers in her nice Tupperware," He couldn't ignore the wide smile growing on Scar's face.

"I- I would like that a lot! Completely unrelated but when are you going to see your family next?"

The dirty blonde just laughed, imagining all the funny and horrible things that would happen if Scar managed to meet his family. Pearl would probably embarrass him, his mom would embarrass him further, and his father would probably have a new favourite as Scar would totally laugh at all his awful jokes.

The night continued with joy and energy filling their conversations, asking dumb questions that started dumb stories. Grian had never had this much fun on an assignment before, it was like all his stress had washed away. And as night set, they were making good progress. They just had to wait for the glue to try and set so they could start with the coats of paint. A lot of this process was just waiting, which created even more questions.

Grian had his legs on his bed but his back on the floor as Scar sat cross-legged on the carpet, scrolling through the other's phone to pick the next song, "What... was your first crush?"

The way his emerald eyes looked at him, made his sleepy mind spark for reasons unknown, "First crush? Hmmm... I think I was in Kindergarten-"

"I don't know what that is."

"Ugh- When I was 5, there was this boy I liked, like really liked. I used to just stare at him and hope that he would come over and play with me. I even wanted to... hold his hand," He said the last words in a hushed voice.

Grian gasped, "Scandoulous."

"I know but I've always been a hopeless romantic. I watch nothing but romantic movies, I've had a billion crushes, I even-" He suddenly stop and a bright shade of red filled his face, "Nevermind."

"No, no, you can't do that, come on, I'm so curious."

"Argh! No, it's weird!" Scar grabbed a pillow and pushed his face into it, smothering himself.

The dirty blonde grabbed the other pillow from his bed and started to hit him with it, "Come on! You information tease! I'm gonna think about that for the rest of my life now!"

"Ah! I'm being attacked!" He cried out before continuing to be whacked, making both of them burst into laughter. Probably too loud for whatever the time was but neither cared, "Alright! I surrender!"

"See, I knew you woul-" As Grian let his pillow down, Scar got the pillow he was using as a shield and smacked him across the face, "Oh, you-!"

Even though they were both well into their young adulthood, they were here having a competitive pillow fight. Laughing so much that the shorter man had to surrender so he could catch a breath, "Fine! Keep your secrets!"

They both dropped their pillows and fell onto the bed, having used the entire room as a war field. The bed was only a single so it was quite a squeeze. Scar's voice echoed through the room, "I think you would have found out eventually anyway so I don't mind saying. I draw every single person I'm fond of. I don't often show people because it's strange-"

"That's cool! You've got to show me!"

The brunet watched the excitement on his face, and paused, before smiling, "...okay."

Getting his sketchbook out of his bag, he joined Grian back on the bed, their bodies unintentionally pressed together. The dirty blonde put his head on the other's shoulder just so he could get a better look at the man's drawings. He flipped through the pages, girls, boys, all he didn't recognize, suddenly, the page is filled with red. Both pages were filled with drawings of a skinny boy, his sweater was the only thing coloured, only Grian's sweater.

"Oh god-" Scar suddenly snapped the book shut, "I uh- I forgot those were in there, I'm so sorry-"

"Those were amazing, can I... see more?"

Despite his hesitant expression, he passed his sketchbook to the shorter man. He flipped through the pages until he got back to the double pages and smiled at the details. Scar even managed to get the way his nose scrunches when he grins, the freckles on his cheeks, things only he thought he noticed about himself. It was remarkable how much it looked like him, it was like he had drawn Grian a thousand times.

"I- It just wanted some practice with faces and I- You were the person I was around the most, that's the only reason-"

"Scar, I love them," An expression of pure glee was stuck on his face, "You're an amazing artist!"

A bashful smile grew slowly, "Thanks..."

They looked at each other. They truly looked at each other, their eyes locked together, unable to separate. It was difficult for them not to be close, but right now, it was impossible to ignore how close they were. Their noses nearly touched, they could almost feel each other's breath, they could almost... Grian's eyes broke the contact to quickly glance at the other's lips, his mind running wild. He wanted... He...

The alarm he had set on his phone for the glue set off, snapping both of them out of the sleep-deprived daze they were in, reminding them that work still had to get done.

Grian wanted to get this project done.

He rolled out of the bed and checked on their model, leaving Scar behind. It was set enough for them to begin painting, "Scar, where are your paints?"

"Uh..." The man was completely out of it, maybe he was just tired, maybe he shouldn't think about too much, "They're just in my bag I think?"

Grian began rummaging through his bag, realizing quickly that it was a hoarder's delight in there. Suddenly, he grabbed onto something that he thought was the paint. When he got it out, he noticed quickly that it wasn't, it was just a pencil case. It didn't set any alarm bells off in his head until the man noticed that in the pencil case there were of course pencils, pens, and lots of them. Of course, Scar was an artist, he had pens and pencils... But that meant...

"Scar... You have a pencil and pens."

"Yeah?"

"So... why do you always ask for mine?"

The question makes the man freeze up, but slowly, and hesitantly, he mumbled something out so quietly that it was impossible to understand.

"What?"

"I uh... I just wanted an excuse to talk to you."

The words sent a wave of emotions through Grian. He didn't know what to say, what to feel, what everything meant. The thought that somebody would go through a whole plan to just have the chance to talk to him, of all people, just baffled him. The student wasn't anything special. He couldn't think of anything special about him. And Scar. The man who travelled over 3500 miles to be here, who adopted stray cats, who lights up a room the moment he walks in, and walked in the rain with a chronic condition to make sure that Grian didn't have to walk home alone.

He just... He didn't understand.

"I... I'm glad you did," Was all he could say. Because how do you explain to someone that they are better than you will ever be and that their friendship, their fondness of you is completely irrational, but in the same breath you know you would hate for them to realize that and find somebody better, "I- I think...I think we should go to bed, the glue hasn't set right."

Scar didn't push for questions, he didn't question Grian's odd behaviour. And instead, they put their model on the desk and set up a bed for the man on his floor. It probably wasn't the most comfortable but he was very happy with the setup. Pulling off his hoodie and shirt and throwing it across the room, the taller man lazily got into his makeshift bed, "Goodnight Grian... hope you... hope you sleep well..."

The man watched his friend as he struggled to keep his eyes open as he got into his own bed. He had a tired smile stuck on his lips and there were stray hairs that stuck up in odd directions. He looked so peaceful, "Goodnight Scar..."

The lights went out, and Grian was left alone with his troubling thoughts. His terrible thoughts. Unable to stop thinking about if Scar found somebody else... When he found somebody else. Somebody better. All he could think about was how much it would hurt. How could he let someone get so close to him again...? When Scar finds somebody else, finds another... best friend, Grian was going to make sure it wouldn't hurt.

-

When Scar woke up, the sun was shining through the half-open blinds, hitting him in the face.

With a groan and a shuffle, he covered himself with the blanket, trying to shield himself from the light. It took a hushed muttering of frustration to make him realize that he wasn't on his couch. Slowly sitting up, he instantly noticed that Grian's bed was empty, but the desk chair wasn't. Sat, hunched over like a gremlin, was a very tired, very annoyed architect, trying to paint the model with tired hands.

Steadily gathering himself, Scar grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. Going to put on his hoodie, and he was surprised to see it missing. Putting his arms around the other's neck from behind, he uttered, "I think that might be mine."

Grian jumped from the touch before snapping his head around to look at him, "Huh? Wh- What?"

He just smiled and pointed at his chest, where Scar's hoodie was resting, incredibly oversized on the other, "Oh! Oh. Sorry. I uh- I put it on in the dark, I didn't realize-"

"It's alright! I think you should keep it, it looks better on you anyway."

The smaller man blushed before averting his eyes and getting back to painting, clearly very on edge, "Have you... Did you sleep at all last night?"

"Didn't need to," There were heavy bags under his dark eyes, he looked truly exhausted, "And besides, I think I might have finished our model."

"Oh! With-... Without me?" The question got played off playfully but it just goes unanswered, "You could have woken me up and we could have worked on it together-"

"No, no, it was fine, I could do it all by myself."

"Grian, I think you need to rest, how long has it been-"

"It's fine, Scar!" He was sharp, abrupt, mean, and his tone dug deeper than neither thought it would, "I don't need you to baby me all the time, I can take care of myself."

"I wasn't trying to-"

"Just-..." He put down the paintbrush, not even looking in Scar's direction, "It... It's finished. I might need your help getting it to class but we have all of our research and everything so after that, it's all done."

Scar couldn't even try and muster a smile at that, "We'll still hang out in the library, right?"

"Well, yeah, just probably... less often. You are pretty distracting."

"Right..."

Grian finally turned around in his chair and looked up at his partner, at his friend, and with a fake smile, spoke, "I mean, you're probably glad you don't have to deal with me all the time, right? You can start to hang out with your other friends again."

"...right... same goes for you, I suppose... can't distract you from your other friends anymore..."

His dark eyes averted, and instantly he began picking at the skin around his nails, "Yep... my other friends..."

And the conversation ended there, unable to deny to themselves the distance between them. And neither unable to deny to themselves that they won't do anything about it.

Chapter Text

So, they handed in their partner project.

They passed, obviously. That wasn't something that Grian was worried about. If anything, it was the least of his worries. Because right now he's terrified that he's lost the one thing going right in his life.

He didn't mean to push Scar away, in the same breath he totally did. He just didn't expect it to work so well. He wanted to keep the brunet at arm's length, not too close, not too far, but now their worlds apart.

The day after they submitted their project, Scar didn't ask for a pen and pencil. Instead, he brought his own. So, they didn't have a reason to talk. And because they had finished their assignment, they didn't have a reason to sit with each other during their breaks and lunches. And Scar... seemed so unbothered by it, hanging out with his friends constantly, laughing, smiling, he hated it. Which sounded awful, mainly because it was. Scar was allowed other friends, Scar was allowed to be happy without him, and Grian wasn't allowed to be jealous of somebody he wanted to keep at arm's length.

He hasn't been sleeping well, if at all. Why would he sleep when he had so much work to do? Why would he sleep when it made him think of things he really didn't want to think about- He wasn't been eating, because it was just a waste of time and food doesn't taste as good as it did before. He doesn't eat, sleep, do anything but study, go to classes, cry, repeat.

Grian hadn't left Scar's hoodie since he first wore it. It was weird for him to be sentimental about it, and he should really return it but it was the only thing that brought him comfort. And the bracelet. He guarded that piece of yarn with his life, making sure it didn't fray or get wet. Because if that bracelet was okay, that meant their friendship was, and he didn't mess it up by being such an idiot.

And he doesn't tell anybody how he's crumbling at the seams. He doesn't need anyone. He doesn't need his friends, his family, Scar- So what if he was ignoring their texts? Their calls? They're just going to give up on him anyway, they're just going to leave like they always do, everybody always leaves!

It was late.

Grian didn't know how late. He just knew it was late as his room got so dark in the creeping night. His only light was his phone, going through the same two apps, again and again, hoping for any change, anything at all...

Suddenly, he gets a ping from a group chat he had forgotten he was in. It was mainly people from the university, he had muted ages ago but a mention made it slip through.

@everybody party tomorrow! 7 pm at 12 Brick Lane, show up or else!

Maybe it would be good for him to get outside... maybe it would be good...

-

Scar missed Grian.

It was sad for him to think that when they had only been friends for a month but that was the problem. They were friends. The dirty blonde had made that very clear.

Ever since he had shown the man his drawings, ever since they nearly... kissed, Grian started acting weird and lashed out. And that was as clear of rejection as Scar would get without breaking his own heart. So he had to try and move on. Which was very difficult when he was next to the man so often.

His friends were helping, constantly trying to distract him and making sure he wasn't in the same room as the shorter man whenever possible but it wasn't working. He couldn't stop thinking about Grian. The brunet hadn't taken off their friendship bracelet even though he was trying to let it all go. He can't move on. He can't because he doesn't want to.

Grian isn't just some crush. He is everything Scar wants. He wanted to meet his family, go on dates with him, and grow old with him. And he just couldn't let that go.

His friends were probably sick of hearing him talk about Grian. It was all he ever said. His name came out of his mouth at least a hundred times a day. So, they suggest that they all go to a party that was happening tomorrow at some guy's off-campus house.

Maybe so he could try and meet someone new. Maybe to just distract himself from everything...

-

Grian should have known this would be a bad idea.

It was warm, it was stuffy, it was crowded, and it reeked of sweat and alcohol. It was bringing back horrible memories.

What did he even think he was going to do at a party? Talk to people? He wasn't a very outgoing person, he had fewer social skills than a muffin. Drink? Well, he had been sober for nearly 3 months now and it would a shame to break that after working so hard to resist his damaging coping habits.

So, there he was. Drinking Pepsi from a plastic cup in the corner of the room, hugging the wall like it was his only friend. Maybe it was. Everyone else seemed to be having fun. Everyone else wasn't struggling like he was. It made him feel so horribly alone despite being surrounded by people.

Then from across the room, he spots a face that makes everybody else disappear.

Scar is standing by the stairs, laughing with somebody, looking so confident, so calm, so okay. He was wearing a dark denim jacket full of patches and embroidery you could tell was done by himself. It made his heart ache in terrible ways to the point it was painful. He wanted to walk up to him and tell him everything he was thinking about. But he couldn't, it was like his legs were frozen in one place. So, he just took another sip of his drink, trying to let his brain dull off the loud sounds...

"Hey, I didn't think I would see you here."

That voice. That damn voice. It rotted at his ears, it destroyed any sort of serenity in his brain.

Grian snapped his head to the left, where Watcher stood, grinning with his yellow almost sharp teeth. It reminded him of a shark. It had been so long since he had last seen the man, it was strange, bizarre, and also like no time had passed at all from that day the smaller man finally found the strength to leave.

Watcher's hair was longer and a lot more purple than he remembered it being, now long streaks ran through it, almost like highlighters. His eyes were scarier than before, somehow the way his eyes were nearly black with how dark they were was unnerving. And he looked ill. His face was sunken, his body was thinner, his eyes were bloodshot, his skin was pale and dry, and he looked half dead. Though that shouldn't surprise him with the way he was living before Grian left.

"Are you just going to stare or what?" His smirk was wicked, symmetrical, but his eyes were empty, dark.

"I- I didn't- I didn't know you would be here-"

"Really? Come on G, you should know me better than that, of course, I was going to be here," The way he flicked a piece of hair in front of the shorter man's face made him feel nauseous.

"I thought- I don't know- I have to go, I can't be around you-"

"Don't be so dramatic, we can still talk," He got closer, why did he have to get closer, "We were friends before we were together, I don't think you would want to lose a friend, especially right now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you look miserable, you're alone at a party, drinking by yourself, and I know that look in your eye," Watcher was sly, enough to wiggle his arm around the other, "Let me guess. You've been working yourself to the bone for days and haven't slept in at least... 24 hours?"

Watcher was nothing if observant. He knew Grian better than he knew himself, it was comforting in a way that made his skin itch. The dirty blonde swatted the hand away, "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I had to be close," He laughed out, why was he always laughing, "Sooo, if you're not here alone, then where are your friends? Or are they too busy studying?"

"They're here! They're just... getting drinks, they'll be back."

"Right, right, so you won't mind me waiting here so I can meet these architectural nerds?"

Grian dodged the question, "You insult architecture a lot for someone who studied it for a year."

"Eh. That was just a phase... I'm doing a lot better by the way. Thanks for asking," The sarcasm was thick and the judgement was glaring, "I got a new job, been trying to quit the pills, I even stopped drinking on the weekdays."

The shorter man looked up at him and saw the way he didn't chug his drink, the way he looked calm, collected, not jittering all over the place like a cryptic, maybe he had changed, "Well I... I'm glad you're doing better..."

Watcher's hand slithered its way back onto his shoulder, pulling him closer to his lanky body, which reeked of cigarette smoke, "How about we go get another drink? Catch up, like old times."

He didn't want this, the last thing he wanted to do was have a drink with somebody who once punched a hole in their apartment wall. Even if he's changed, he didn't have to forgive him, "Actually- I see my boyfriend so I should really go-"

"Boyfriend? Where? Or is this just an excuse you're giving yourself?" The taller man had this knowing smile, he knew he was lying but he still let Grian dig himself a pit.

"He's just over there," He pointed vaguely in the direction he was looking before, "I don't think he would appreciate me talking to you-"

"Don't be such a drag, come on, I want to go say hi," And so, he began walking away, towards Scar and Cub.

Grian had to think fast, he didn't have time to think clearly, especially with everything going on around him. So, to prevent him from having to talk to his ex, he rushed ahead of Watcher and placed his hands on the side of Scar, "Honey! There you are!"

The tallest man's eyes were filled with confusion and in the back of Grian's head, he could feel Watcher's smirk burning into his scalp. The dirty blonde tried desperately to beg with his expression, trying desperately to somehow telekinetically tell Scar that at this moment, he has never needed his help more. Suddenly, there was a switch in those emerald eyes, and he wrapped his broad arms around him, "Hey darling, I couldn't find you."

A big wave of relief ran through him as Watcher's voice abruptly interrupted their moment, "So, you're the new boyfriend?"

Scar suddenly looked down at him, which Grian find so bizarre as in all his memories, Watcher was this looming presence, and now he seemed so small, "Yeah. And you are?"

The purple-haired man didn't respond, instead, he just looked at the shortest man and uttered with a smaller smile, "I'll see you around."

And with that, he left, and Grian could finally stop clinging to Scar like he was a buoy but he still attached himself close, only speaking until he was sure that his ex couldn't hear, "Oh my god, thank you so much! I was so worried he wouldn't leave me alone."

The brunet kept one arm around him, even when he didn't have to, it made the other feel so safe in ways he couldn't explain, "No problem G, I guess that was Watcher?"

He nodded slowly, and instantly, the grip around him tightened, like a protective hug, "I'll stay by you, okay? Be your fake boyfriend for the night."

Despite how awful Grian had treated him, even though they hadn't talked that much in the past few days, Scar still offered to be his pretend partner just so he didn't have to talk to his abusive ex. Scar was far too good to be true but he was true, he was the most honest and genuine person alive. So, all the dirty blonde could do was bury his face into the man and mumble out, "Thank you..."

-

Grian had missed Scar.

He missed Scar more than he even realized he did. As soon as they were together, it was like all his problems disappeared. It was like everybody disappeared. Just the two in their little bubble.

They were just sitting on the couch with their friends that came to the party sitting around them, drinking, with the taller man having a fruit-flavoured vodka and the smaller man having a rum and coke but without the rum. Laughing this, and that, and whatever was on their mind. And to keep their appearance up, and just for that reason, Grian had made his home snuggled up to the man's side, his head resting on his shoulder as Scar's arm wrapped around him, it was nice, It was a shame that this was only for the night because the dirty blonde could get used to this. It wasn't long though before they had completely run dry.

Grian stood up and picked up Scar's empty can, "I'll go get us some more drinks."

The man's crooked smile was addictive, "Okay my songbird."

And that was another thing.

The absurd terms of endearment that the brunet kept on coming up with. The cringer the better, making it impossible not to smile from being called 'honey buns' and 'his possum'. Of course, it was even more fun to try and find even weirder ones to call the man, like a strange unspoken competition. The best ones he found during the night were 'my cinnamon stick' and 'hot guy'.

As he wandered through the crowds of people, he managed to get through to the kitchen. Just as he was grabbing a can for Scar, he hears a voice to his side, "Grian! Hey!"

Oh great... Watcher's friends...

The girl pulls him into a side guy, making him nearly spill his drink, "I wondered where you were! Where's your boyfriend?"

"What?"

"Your boyfriend! It's all everybody is talking about! It's the guy with the long hair right?"

Oh god. He didn't think that Watcher would tell people. But of course, he told people, he always tells everybody about the dirty blonde's business. And now Scar was involved in this nonsense. Because of him.

"uh, yeah. I was just grabbing us some drinks-"

"I'm guessing that the coke is for him?" She snickered out, "Jesus, who goes to a party and drinks coke? That's so dumb."

All Grian could do was chuckle nervously and stop pouring the drink into his plastic cup, "Well, some people are designated drivers or just don't want to drink-"

"Anyway, I hope you have fun, I can't wait to see drunk Grian again, you're always so much more fun to be around," They laughed out, not even noticing or caring how much it was affecting him, "We'll see you later?"

"hah yeah... sure..." He uttered to nobody as they already began walking off.

His dark eyes looked down at the drink in his hands. Was he really that boring to be around when he was sober...?

Slowly, he reached for the bottle of rum that sat on the counter. One drink wouldn't hurt...

-

As soon as Grian left, Cub turned towards him, "What happened to getting over him?"

Scar just sighed, "What did you expect me to do? Leave him out to dry with his ex? Even if I'm trying to get over my crush that doesn't mean I have to be a jerk."

"Alright, alright, you're right, I was just asking," Cub put his hands up in defence, "You do seem to be enjoying this though."

A light blush dusted his cheeks, "Maybe..."

The brunet leaned back into the sofa, letting out a tired sigh before the raven-haired man uttered, "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know! I can't be without him but he doesn't like me- I mean, what are my options here?"

"I... " Cub suddenly sounded so serious, and any sort of tipsy that Scar was under suddenly disappeared, "You are my friend. And in any other case, I would tell you to block his number and find somebody better but... I know you, this isn't just a crush to you, is it?"

Scar stared down at the friendship bracelet on his wrist and played with it with his index finger and thumb, "I... I love him. I'm so madly in love with him."

"Then... I think you should do what makes you happy right now."

"Even if it's the dumb choice?"

"Especially if it's the dumb choice. You're young, we make dumb choices for a reason, because we're all dumb. But also because it's all part of living."

His friend took a sip of his drink before he mentioned, "And you never know, he might be madly in love with you too and is just scared."

"I don't know about that-" Suddenly two hands were on his shoulder from behind and dirty blonde hair suddenly was in his face, "Grian!"

"Hello, my McDonald's fry."

"Okay, that's the worst one yet," Scar chuckled as the man placed their drinks on the coffee table in front of them, which was already full of other people's plastic cups.

In sync, they take a sip of their drinks but the brunet noticed that Grian's drink was already half empty, probably nothing to worry about though. He had confined soon after they met up at the party that he wasn't drinking, something about not wanting to get run over when he walked home, which he found really respectable.

The dirty blonde returned to his place by Scar's side. He was warm, soft, comfortable, sort of like a large Jellie. It was nice, he wished desperately that this could never end. Scar had never cuddled with somebody before, so this sort of intimacy was so new to him. It made his heart all mushy in ways he had only dreamed of.

He wishes the world would just pause. Just for a few seconds so he didn't miss anything when he blinked. But the music doesn't last forever.

Chapter Text

"What are they putting in the coke? You've had like four drinks already," Scar laughed as Grian took another drink from the plastic cup.

Had he already had four? He couldn't remember. One drink turned to two and, at that point, there was no point in trying to stop. It would just be for this night, he promised himself, though he knew he wasn't very trustworthy. All he knew was that his insides were much more relaxed and things were a lot more fluid, maybe a bit too fluid as his coordination was getting a bit messed up.

Suddenly, Scar grabbed his drink and took a sip, "Augh! Rum is what they're putting in it, oh wow! That's so strong. I thought you weren't going to drink?"

"I don't do it often so it's fine if I let loose just for tonight, right?" He looked for approval, trying to justify his relapse to himself.

Just as the brunet opened his mouth, the song changed and dancing queen came on, making his face change to pure joy, "Oh my god, we have to go dance!"

The man tried to drag him to the area where everyone was dancing but Grian froze up, stopping them both in their tracks, "I- I don't dance."

Scar watched him, and then with a small smile uttered as he gestured to his cane, "Neither do I... now let's go."

Maybe it was alcohol running through his system or the way Scar's emerald eyes stared into his, but he let himself be dragged into the middle of a big crowd of people. Dancing queen was blasting through his ears, and he watched as the long-haired man moved to the music to the best of his abilities, he was a terrible dancer and Grian loved it. Suddenly, he found himself moving, swaying gently, jumping to the beat, a bubbly laugh erupting from his chest.

It was just them two, dancing horribly to ABBA, singing along to lyrics they didn't know the words to. At some point, Scar grabbed his hand and they danced together, half a shamble of slow dance and a half just moving with the tunes. They couldn't stop laughing, both a bit past tipsy, not even a single thought about what others would think of them.

It was warm. It was electric. The way they got shoved against each other was lighting his skin alive. Grian didn't even know what song was playing right now, all that mattered was Scar. The way he smiled and had a bright shine in his green eyes lit up the entire room. It was almost giving the shorter man this... fluttering in his stomach... his eyes drifted to Scar's lips. They looked so soft in his drunken daze. He really wanted... he needed...

Suddenly, the brunet placed a hand on the other's shoulder, yelling over the music, "My legs are starting to hurt! I'm going back to the couch!"

"Uh-... Okay! I'm going to cool down outside!" He screamed back, getting a thumbs up from his fake boyfriend before he wandered off.

Grian felt like he was on fire. His skin was tingling, his legs were weak, his stomach was upside down, and his cheeks were flushed, though those all could be from the alcohol coursing through his veins. He made his way to the exit, and as soon as the cold air rushed through him, it was like heaven.

There were a lot of people outside. To vomit or smoke or to wait for their taxi. All drunk out of their minds. Grian was halfway there, already craving his next drink as the effects started to trickle in. He missed this. The lightweight feeling, the inability to think, the golden stage where he could be weightless and still be able to walk.

The dirty blonde knew that it wasn't healthy. It started off with one drink, him and Watcher had gotten the keys to their new apartment, and the lanky man wanted to celebrate. One drink was fine but then it became more and more. When Watcher started to deteriorate, skipping classes, taking pills, and drinking, he dragged Grian down with him.

He remembered--vaguely--when he would get plastered nearly every day, trying desperately to not let the university know that he needed a can of cider to get through the morning. He knew it was a problem when he knocked himself out in the shower, or when he nearly got run over after a night out, or when his teacher sat him down and said in the nicest way possible that he knew what was happening and if Grian didn't get his life together, he would end up dead.

So, he did. Grian remembered when he looked in the mirror, saw the bruises on his face from pub fights, saw the sickly yellow skin, saw the miserable expression that stared back at him and left. Leaving Watcher's house while he was asleep and stayed with his parents until he could get his own place, promising never to fall down that destructive cycle again. And yet...

Grian stumbled over to the nearby wall so he could catch his step, the world around him so dizzy that he couldn't tell much apart. Though he could still hear a voice next to him, "Had a bit too much to drink, love?"

Watcher's voice was like liquid acid, "How come I keep on bumping into you?"

"Hey, I just came out here to smoke, you can't blame me for that."

Grian should have walked away, gone back inside where Scar was, somebody who actually cared about him. But he was so unsteady that walking felt impossible.

"So, left your boyfriend I see."

"I don't know what you're trying to imply-"

"I'm not trying to imply anything, I just find it interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Yeah, that you've moved on, got a new rebound boyfriend, new uni friends, a job, a dorm, and yet you're still crawling back to me-"

"How dare you try and say that- That is not at all what is happening here-"

"Well, I don't see you trying to leave," The man took a long pull from his cigarette that was half burned out and blew it out into the wind, half ending up in Grian's face, "You know you need me."

"Like hell I need you-"

"You might pretend as if you've moved on but you know deep down that I'm the only one who will ever truly know and love you. All your friends, family, your little boyfriend, they've only seen this posh suckup persona you're playing but I've seen the real you."

"You haven't seen shit."

Suddenly, Watcher's cold hands touched his cheek and grazed the flushed skin with his thumb. His smirk was wicked, "Maybe not, but I've seen you at your worst. Nobody will ever truly love you the way I do. Not with the way you are, nobody could love somebody like you."

He got closer. Grian could smell the smoke and sickly amounts of booze on his breath. Watcher's hand wandered to his sides, his grip hurt, like his dirt-riddled nails dug into the dirty blonde's skin.

"We can go back to the way things were, we could..." Watcher's thumb grazed over to the corner of his lips, "for old time's sake."

Watcher has been consistent in his life for years. He was predictable, Grian knew what he would do when he feels a certain way. If he was sad he wouldn't talk to anybody for days, not even Grian, when he was mad he would get possessive or violent or- or- Maybe he wasn't the best for him, maybe this wasn't how love worked but the raven-haired man had emotions like clockwork. And Grian always did like his routine, for better or for worse.

As the student brought his hand up to touch his ex's cheek, his eyes caught red and green colours. The friendship bracelet that Scar had made for him, he had completely forgotten he was still wearing it. Scar... was waiting for him inside. Scar has... made him happier in the month they've known each other than Watcher ever had in years. Maybe that said something...Maybe it said something that Grian would much rather sit in comfortable silence with the brunet than kiss the man in front of him.

"I can't do this."

"What?"

"I don't want to get back together with you, I don't want to talk to you, I-I I don't want Anything to do with you," even he could notice that he was slurring his words but it didn't matter, he still had the strength to put some distance between them.

"...Come on, don't be like that-"

"No, no Watcher, I can't do this anymore..."

As he turned away to return to the party, to Scar, he felt a hand on his wrist, "Grian, I love you-"

"No! Stop! Don't use that against me, don't try and guilt me into staying with you, it won't work anymore."

"You can't deny that you love me too."

"I can. I don't love you Watcher. I used to- I used to love you but... but that was a long time ago... I'm... I'm done."

Even when he tried to pull away, the lanky man's grip on him grew even tighter, painful even, "W-What? So that's it?! After everything?"

"Yes, I'm tired... I'm so tired Watch... I just can't handle being around you anymore."

The man's grip got tighter, enough to hurt his bones, enough for him to yell out in pain, sobering him up instantly, "Grian, you can't do this to me."

"Please stop. Just let me go!"

"I love you! How dare you try and just leave me like this?!"

It felt like his wrist was on fire, like a bruise was already starting to form.

"You won't last a month without me, you'll be crawling back after your rebound cripple of a boyfriend dumps your sorry ass!"

Grian still felt anger bubbling away in his stomach like hot acid. Using all the strength he had, he lifted his leg up and kicked Watcher in the stomach, strong enough to make him let go of his wrist and stumble backwards, "Don't fucking call him that!"

The dirty blonde jabbed a finger into the man's chest, "You can insult me all you want, hurt me, lie to me, whatever, but don't say anything about Scar. He's a better man than you'll ever be!"

With his last drink still on his tongue, his confidence grew, "And you know what? Breaking up with you was the best thing I've Ever done!"

As soon as the words left Grian's mouth, something dark switched in the man's eyes. Any sort of fake smirk or flow vanished, and all that was there was anger. Watcher was tall, an inch smaller than Scar, and despite having no muscles he was still strong, at least stronger than the architect. So, when the dark-haired man grabbed him with a fistful of his sweater and brought him up close, Grian was terrified.

"Don't 𝙁𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 talk to me like that you-"

Suddenly, Watcher was pushed away by someone, "Hey!"

It was Scar's friends. Cub had pushed him, Bdubs was close by and Mumbo... Mumbo held Grian from behind protectively as the other two yelled threats and swear at his ex until he ran away. Not before giving the most petite man this... look. Of hatred. Of disgust. Of a feeling so strong it made him want to throw up.

And then he was gone. Maybe even forever.

Mumbo quickly began to scan him with frantic worry, "Oh mate! Are you alright?! You came out to check on you because Scar was worried and you were gone for so long but then we heard yelling and-and-"

Grian just stared blankly into space, so dissociated that everything around him became a blur. All he could think about was Watcher, and the glare, and everything he said- And his wrist. Which hurt. A 𝘭𝘰𝘵.

He lifted it up and pulled down his sweater sleeve to take a look. It was red, raw, and tender. There were visible lines from where his fingers had been but it just looked like the beginning of a bruise. Nothing too bad.

"God, that looks bad, did he...? Did he do that?" Bdubs asked after walking up to the two.

"Man, I should of beat him up," Cub noted through gritted teeth.

"It's... it's fine, it was my fault for riling him up..." He finally slurred out, pulling his sleeve back down, "is Scar okay?"

The three looked at each other before the tallest uttered, "Yeah, but... are you?"

The dirty blonde just waved off the question, not having it sink in the reality of his situation, "Yeah, yeah... I just- it's fine. He's usually like that."

"He's usually like that?" Mumbo spoke slowly, like he was in disbelief, "How long... how long has he usually been like that?"

"I... I can't remember..."

They share worried expressions at each other before Bdubs swung his arm around the man, "Well, we'll protect you from now on, okay? We've got your back."

Mumbo patted at his hair and with a meet smile, "I'm here for you man, any time, anywhere, we'll sort this out."

Cub just stared at him, "You're part of the friend group now."

"Oh... thank you, I don't- I don't know what to..." Grian trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

"... let's go inside, okay? I bet Scar is starting to get worried," One of them spoke and in sync, they all started to walk back into the building.

Before Grian could walk back in with the other two, he felt a tug on his sweater. Cub looked at him with this... unreadable expression before speaking, "I heard what you were talking about... with- with Watcher, at the end."

"Oh..."

"Just- It was just fragmented but I wanted to say that I appreciate you sticking up for Scar," He let go of the man before crossing his arms, "I was wrong about you and I'm sorry."

"W-What do you mean?"

"Well... I thought you were just messing with him, I thought- maybe that you were pretending to be his friend for some reason or another and Scar- he's my best friend. I didn't want to see him get hurt and I know he won't stick up for himself, the man would apologise if somebody tripped near him. I-"

"I was wrong, and I'm sorry. You do truly care about him..."

"I do!" Grian probably spoke too loudly and quickly but he didn't care, "I really do! He- he's the best person I've ever met, he makes me so happy and-and I wouldn't dare hurt him! I promise. I know I was a jerk before but... I want to be a better friend."

Cub watched him for a few seconds before smiling wide with pride and humming out a tune, "Hm. I guess I was right about something tonight."

And with that, he walked past the confused dirty blonde and into the party. Grian stood there in the cold autumn wind, staring down at his bracelet. Maybe Scar was unpredictable, maybe he didn't know how he would react to disagreements or how he coped when he was upset or if he would be even worse than Watcher but... He wanted to know. Scar was worth the mystery.

And with that. He walked back in, swerving between the masses of people to get to him, meeting the brunet's green eyes and watching as they lit with joy, a wide smile following close by that was contagious. Grian thought to himself for the first time that he might be okay without his ex, maybe he could live without him, and that he wasn't as broken as he thought. As long as he had Scar by his side...

Chapter Text

Scar might have had a bit too much.

But when a freckle-faced sweetheart has a bubbly laugh and wants to do shots with him, how could he possibly say no? So a few fruit-flavoured vodka shots later, Grian and Scar were both so drunk that leaning on each other and having each other's hands on each other was considered socially acceptable as balancing in this dizzy room was an accomplishment.

And maybe Grian was a more touchy-feely drunk, and maybe Scar didn't mind that. He was the kind of drunk that was incredibly insecure about his friendships and worried about everything so having somebody constantly wrapped around you was comforting.

They had taken up the entire loveseat by sprawling across each other, slipping in and out of blackouts. He didn't pay this any attention, just focusing on playing on a tuff of dirty blonde hair. Suddenly, a shadow looked over them and a voice piped up when the two had forgotten other people were around, "Scar, you ready to go?"

Cub looked rather unimpressed, but that was because he was the designated driver on a horrible night. Scar sluggishly looked up at him, "Uhhhhh... I uhh... I think I might stay a bit longer..."

His friend raised his eyebrow, "Just to, you know... Make sure Grian gets home okay..."

Suddenly, Cub and his drunken friends that were holding each other up, started to smile and chuckle to themselves, before the only sober one managed to say, "Okay, just text me when you get there, see you in the morning, and be safe."

"Don't worry, we won't get... run- run over," The brunet slurred out.

"Not what I meant," He had this mischievous smirk before turning around and started rounding everyone up to his car.

"Huh?" Scar turned towards his fake boyfriend to see that he was ruby red in the cheeks, "Are you alright?"

He suddenly snapped his head upwards with wide eyes, "Uh- Yeah, yeah, just um... You want to come home... with me?"

"I mean, yeah, if you don't mind... Want to make sure you get home alright."

Grian grew even redder, the tips of his ears even flushing up as he pursed his lips together, before smiling softly, "Yeah, okay. Just... one more drink first."

-

The night was cold. He knew because the moment they walked out, arms around each other for balance, the cold wind hit his cheeks with sharp pain.

Scar was so tired but when his best friend was wrapped around him so tightly, it gave him the strength to keep putting his foot in front of another, plus he had both his cane and him to lean on. And they couldn't stop laughing. Whenever they nearly swayed into street lamps or into the wall, they burst into fits of giggles.

"I didn't know you could- could... dance, or was it just... just because it was uh... ABBA," The dirty blonde slurred out.

"I can't dance, but I like to dance," Scar spluttered out before getting out his phone, "When I was... younger, I used to dance with myself in my room so I... I could do it at prom but... I didn't end up going as I didn't have anyone to dance with."

"Awee... I would have danced with you," The comment made his brain shortcircuit as he tried to put on some music.

"If that... is the case then..." He let go of his friend as he put on the playlist he practised dancing to, mainly mid-2000s music, "Can I have this dance?"

In the light of street lamps, Grian's eyes sparkled as he instantly took his hand and yelled with excitement that echoed in the empty avenue, "Yes!"

So they danced. Horribly, and was more of a stumble as they laugh out themselves, not caring about how late it was or if somebody could be watching. Singing along, barely, to songs they'd forgotten the lyrics to as they kept on stepping on each other's feet. It was wonderful like the starry night that was above them.

And then a slow song came on.

"Oh gosh, I uh- I forgot that was... in there, one sec-"

As the brunet reached for the phone in his pocket, a hand stopped him. The smaller man's gentle eyes as they looked up at him made everything seem to stop, no cars went past, no background noise at all, as he uttered, "Do you know how to slow dance?"

"I... I do. I practised I mean... I don't know how to... do it with somebody else though..."

Grian took his hand and intertwined it with his own, "That's okay... We can learn as we go along..."

So Scar put his cane aside, placed a hand on the man's waist, and they started to sway gently to the music. The dirty blonde placed his head on the man's shoulder, humming the melody. He was warm, he was electric, his slow breathing against his neck made his hairs stand up, and the taller man was absolutely smitten.

They spun, moving from left to right, everything that Scar remembered from a tutorial he watched so many years ago. He never thought he would ever get to this with everybody, and now here he was, with somebody he was so utterly in love with, slow dancing under the stars as they giggle like high schoolers.

He took a leap of faith and when they spun, eyes locked onto each other, he dipped the other, nearly making them topple over as a small gasp erupt from the smaller man. When they came back up, they couldn't stop looking at each other, lights in each other's eyes, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 in each other's eyes. Slowly, they lean in closer towards each other until their noses touch, until their bodies are pressed together, until they could smell the alcohol on their breaths, until their lips could touch-

But then the song changed. And some random pop song came on, making Grian burst out laughing.

Scar has to pull apart to change the song. His heart ached, his mind was racing, he was so close to everything he wanted and yet again it was ruined by things out of his control. All of a sudden, he feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Here," Grian held out his cane for him to take with a sincere smile, "Thanks for tonight... I've really enjoyed myself..."

"...Me too."

As they made their way to the campus, they began humming to music that wasn't playing and ended up just singing along to each other, playfully bickering about what the lyrics to their childhood favourite songs are, with both being wrong. Before long, they were at the door to the dorms.

"Well, I better get off, I hope you uh... sleep well-"

"Where are you going?" Grian blurted out, looking confused as he get out his keycard.

"Um... home?"

"No, you're not... You're- you are going to hurt yourself walking back just... stay with me tonight, I don't want you to walk home alone," he spoke as he unlocked the door and opened it up for them.

"Oh! Well, if you insist G..."

They take the elevator up, and as it slowly made its way up, the dirty blonde rested his head on Scar's shoulder, humming to himself with half-closed eyes. When the doors opened, they began to shush each other, not wanting an angry student yelling at them but it just makes them laugh as they tiptoe to the man's dorm. When they get in, Grian stumbles in, nearly falling over his own books if the taller man hadn't grabbed him.

"Thanks... Where would I be without you...?"

"Probably falling on your face," Scar chuckled out as he closed the door, half leaning on it as his surroundings span.

Grian laughed loudly, probably too loud for whatever ridiculous time it was but the brunet wasn't going to stop him, but then he spoke through laughter, "God, I love you."

"What?"

"Come on, let's put on some music, it's so silent-"

"Wait, what did you just say?"

The drunken student had his phone and began playing some music like nothing had happened. Maybe nothing had happened and Scar was just imagining things but something in the back of his brain told him that he wasn't. It made his heart swell up with love for the other.

Grian started to get ready for bed, which mainly just meant shuffling his jeans off while trying not to fall over, throwing his sweater across the room and falling into his bed with a large 'Thump'.

"Where are your spare blankets again?" The brunet asked as he tried to look around the messy room.

“Gah, I am so tired. Let’s just both get in bed.”

“But-”

“I am not breaking my back by sleeping on the floor and neither are you. Now hush and get in, it's cold."

And how could he possibly say no?

Struggling to take off his pants that were covered in spilt drinks, Scar turned off the lights and stumbled into the bed. They giggled to each other as they squeezed together, it was only a single bed and they were both grown adults, so they did each up partially on top of each other, which was fine. It was fine that they were practically cuddling, it was cold. This was fine, and perfectly acceptable. Just two friends holding each other because who else would?

"Thank you for being there for me tonight, I don't want to know what I would have done if I had to be around Watcher, maybe get even drunker than I am now... Maybe you wouldn't be the one I would bring home..."

"...You deserve better... you know that right?"

"I know..." Despite not being able to see the other in the dark room, he could feel Grian holding onto him tighter, "I mean... I think I know but... I don't know..."

"Well, you do... You deserve somebody who treats you right and makes you happy..."

There was a long silence before, "...I wish I 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 met him..."

All Scar could do was hold him, patting his hair as he mumbled, "I know..."

"...thank you for being my fake boyfriend, you got me out of a horrible situation..." The brunet just hummed before starting to softly, making the man lift his head up, "What?"

"Nothing, nothing, I just... Can I tell you something?"

There was no response but he knew his friend was listening.

"I... I was so worried about messing it up because I... I have never dated anybody before but... I'm glad it worked, even if we didn't really do anything differently from how we usually hang out."

"Huh... yeah I suppose so, I mean, we didn't even kiss."

Scar's stomach did a flip, "Oh wow uh- right yeah um... I'm glad we didn't. Not because I don't want to- I mean- Gah- I just... I've never kissed anybody either... And I kinda want my first to be special. Not just a necessity."

"You've never kissed somebody?" His stare could be felt on his skin.

"...Yeah... I usually don't tell people that because they normally make fun of me or- or think of me differently... I get it because everybody already has had theirs and some are already moving in with their partners and getting engaged and I-"

"Hey, it's okay, there is no rush with anything, I think it's cool that you're waiting for the right moment, I lost my first kiss in the back of a Tesco so... I get wanting it to be special," Grian stumbled out, nuzzling his face into the man's neck.

Scar stared up at the ceiling, at least as much as he could with only moonlight in the room, feeling so flustered, so desperate, so nauseous from all the shots he did. But as the smaller man wrapped his arms and legs around him like a koala bear and drifted off to sleep, he's never felt more connected to somebody. He didn't realize how touch-starved he was until he let himself cuddle into the man.

Scar smiled softly as he pushed a hair out of Grian's face before fluttering his eyes close and sleeping more soundly than he ever has.

-

Sun shone through his window, making a groan creep up from his raspy throat.

Grian's head hurt, his eyes burned, he felt sick, tired, and achy, and he just wanted to pull the covers over his head and sleep until the evening-

When he tried to move the blanket, he was stopped by a force and a little inaudible mumble that came out of somebody next to him. His brown eyes shot open and became face to face with Scar, sleeping peacefully. Oh. Right.

Memories of last night came flooding back to him. Of dancing and fear and laughter. The smaller man looked down at his wrist which had a noticeable purple bruise around it. He really messed up. He shouldn't have wound him up, he shouldn't have said the things he did. What if Watcher came for him? Follow him home one day, and do worse than just a bruise. What if he came after Scar?

Grian watched the brunet as he slept. Creepy, maybe, but it was calming seeing him breathe, knowing that he was alive, he was okay, and so at peace with life. With silky hair that was still tied up in a half-dishevelled bun from last night. He was safe, he was okay, and he was amazing, more than amazing. He was better than Grian ever would be-

The dirty blonde began to shake, his eyes began to water, and he clung to the man, grabbing onto his shirt like a lifeline. And cried, even when he tried not to, no matter how much he suppressed it, tried to swallow it deep down, tears still slipped past his tightly closed eyes, or gritted his teeth. And all this shaking as his body trembled, woke up his friend.

Instantly, arms were wrapped around him and he was squeezed into a warm embrace. It smelt like cat food, pumpkin spice and safety. He felt safe.

Scar shushed him gently as he ran his fingers ran through his hair, it made everything better as the brunet spoke in a tired husky voice, "It’s okay... I’m here.”

“You’re not going to leave, are you?” Grian mumbled in the most pathetic of ways but the taller man just kept on holding onto him tight, maybe even tighter than before.

“I won’t. I would never!”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

The smaller student buried his face into the man's chest, getting tears and snot everywhere, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Shhh, it's okay, let it all out..."

And he did. He let himself sob in anguish as he held onto his friend like if he didn't he would slip away through his fingers. Grian could barely breathe but Scar was sure to remind him, trying to make his breathing the same as his. He listened to the man's even and steady heartbeat, it was comforting. He would miss this greatly...

The night kept on relaying in the dirty blonde's head, Watcher's words, his smirk, his death stare, just cycling around over and over again, it wouldn't let him go. So between wails and sniffles, Grian muttered, "Do you think I can be loved?"

"What?"

"Do you think anybody could truly love me?"

Scar cupped his cheeks and lifted him up until they were face to face, and with the most serious, most sincere look on his face, uttered, "Absolutely."

They stared into each other's eyes for longer than they should of. Longer than what was normal or acceptable, but neither cared.

"Sorry... I just... It just the things that Watcher told me... He made me feel like I was broken..."

"Well, you're not, and if he ever gets anywhere near you, I'll uh- I'll beat him up! Alright?"

Grian chuckled sadly, "Thanks Scar but I know you're a softie, you couldn't hurt anybody."

"That is not true, I'll punch him in the face if I have to, I'm stronger than I look and I care about you a lot! And he's the worst, he-! And- God he makes me so angry!"

The smaller man watched as he sat up and began rambling out how much of a liar Watcher was. He was getting angry- No, not angry, frustrated, but not at Grian, but towards somebody who was a jerk to him... The vulnerable man hugged Scar tightly, sitting up with him as he interrupted his angry chatter.

"Thank you..."

"...No problem Grian, I'd do anything to make you happy..."

Just as Scar was about to get out of bed, he felt a tug on the back of his shirt, "I'm not ready to get out of bed yet... can we please stay here a bit longer, it's warm..."

The brunet smiled wide and wrapped the other into a massive cuddle, chuckling to himself, "You're the softie here."

"It's not my fault you're a heater!"

And if they stayed in that bed for hours, going past socially acceptable, then who had to know?

Chapter Text

"What are you doing for Christmas break?"

They were just studying in the library, it had become a routine for them. Despite there being no obligation for the two to still spend nearly every minute with each other, they just kept on doing it, liking the routine, and also the company they brought. It had been weeks since the party and the two were closer than before, no longer trying to deny to themselves that they needed their best friend to survive day-to-day life, being more touchy and affectionate even when they didn't do it for anybody else. Scar looked up from his doodles and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, "Hm?"

"I was uh... wondering if you had anything planned for Christmas when school breaks up..."

"Uh... probably not, can't go home so."

Grian kept his eyes on his laptop but he wasn't reading or doing anything on it, "Well... I'm going to see my family for the holidays and I wanted to know if you wanted to join me. I kinda need you to ask Cub if he'll take him as I don't think he could be convinced to go without your influence and none of my friends can take me."

"Of course! Or uh- at least I'll try, we'll see!"

-

"No."

"Cub, pleaseeee! I'm not going to see Grian for two weeks! I want to be able to say goodbye! You're the only one who can driveee!"

"You two are unbearable."

Mumbo walked into the living room to see Scar on his knees, begging and pleading for... something. It didn't really matter, his car was broken so he had no other option but to do this, "Hey uh, Cub?"

"I swear to god, do you need a ride as well?"

"...Maybeee?"

"Hey! If Mumbo gets a ride then I should too!" Scar yelled back.

"You've already had your allotted free ride allowance this month!"

"That's not fair!"

Mumbo stood awkwardly in the middle of this argument, "Uh, it's fine if not, I just wanted to go visit my family, It's on Hermit street? In Richmond?"

The lanky man saw as Scar's eyes shone up like stars as slowly he turned his head towards the driver with the biggest grin. Cub didn't even look at him, just scowling before finally letting out a sigh, "Fine! I'll take you three!"

"Three?"

"Yeah! Grian wanted to see his family and would you know it, he lives on the same street as you! Maybe you've even seen him before!" The brunet excitingly remarked as Mumbo just laughed nervously.

"hah, yeah, maybe..."

-

The car was cramped as they made their way to the suburban area where Mumbo and Grian lived.

And because Scar had yelled shotgun, the two childhood friends were now stuck in the back together, awkwardly, sitting in silence. Thankfully they had the barricade of bags and suitcases to prevent an uncomfortable hour's drive, at least they thought. But as soon as the hour drive turned into two due to traffic, and Scar's bubbly personality switched off as he quickly fell asleep, and Cub put his headphones in to avoid being forced to listen to the brunet snoring like a banshee, the silence grew.

"Damn it, my headphones died," Grian complain as he put them away.

"How do you think I feel? I forgot to pack mine," Mumbo laughed nervously, trying to break the tension between them.

Even though they had decided to start fresh, it still didn't deflect the fact that they had become strangers to one another, an unpleasant friend-of-a-friend situation that neither wanted. Neither could admit to the other that they missed each other's company and friendship.

"Yikes," The dirty blonde spoke quietly, trying not to wake up Scar, though Mumbo knew that nothing could wake up Scar.

"...So, how's your family?" It was just a question, something to break the ice, but it ended up sounding a lot more genuine than intended, maybe because it was something he had always wondered about.

"They're... They're good. Pearl has gotten into gardening and won't stop talking about getting a dog, she wants to name it Tilly. Timmy is still fun to pester, but he is going to university next year for Law, I think. it's so weird that he's old enough to do that."

"Wow, really? I remember when he was still the little brother that you would annoy constantly. The sweet baby of the family that nobody could take seriously."

"Well, that still hasn't changed."

There was a long silence. All that could be heard was traffic and horns as they moved barely an inch. They had barely even left the city centre.

"...How's your moms?" The smaller boy asked, looking down at his hands that he had been picking at for days, now red and bloody.

"...Good. They talk about you sometimes, they wonder what you're up to..."

"Oh... Well, my parents talk about you too, wondering why I don't invite you over anymore," He laughed sadly at something they both cringed at.

"I... I would like to come over one day. If that's okay with you."

Grian finally looked up at Mumbo, and slowly, he smiled, "...Yeah, that'd be nice."

"You guys do know that I only have one earphone in, right?" Cub piped up, making the two snap their heads forward, "Does anybody else you guys know each other or is this another secret I have to keep?"

"You heard nothing!"

-

They dropped Grian off first, mainly because he was closer, even by just a few houses.

Grabbing his bags, the dirty blonde watched as his siblings peeked through the curtains, even his cats were looking at him through the windows. Just as he opened up the gate, he heard a voice from the driver's seat, "Forgetting somebody?"

Turning around, he saw Cub pointing to a sleeping Scar. Chuckling, he walked over to Scar's door and opened it, waking him abruptly, "Huh- What?!"

"I gotta go," Grian commented, watching as he swiped away the drool and instantly unbuckled his seatbelt, it was kind of cute when he was still so sleepy, in a platonic way.

"Really? How long have I been asleep? Argh, anyway, have fun!" The brunet stood up and pulled the other into a massive hug, nearly getting his feet off the ground.

"Scar! Please," He could already hear his family's nagging questions as they were watching this very public show of affection.

But he just held on tighter and with a laugh uttered, "I'm not letting go until you hug me back!"

No matter how much he fought, he was still smaller and weaker so with a huff, he hugged the man reluctantly, though quickly he melted into the warm embrace, knowing that it would be forever until he could enjoy this again. As soon as they let go, Scar cupped the man's face and with a soft smile whispered, "I'm going to miss you."

Grian chuckled, "I know, I'm going to miss you too ya goof. You should know that seeing you is the best part of my day. You'll call right?"

Scar's cheeks grew a rosy colour but that could have been from going from the warm car to the cold winter air, the other's cheeks were certainly red from it, "Oh- Of course!"

They finally let each other go, and the dirty blonde couldn't deny that he was a lot colder and lonely as soon as his touch left his, guess that just happens when your best friend is a heater. Waving to his friends as he walked to his parent's door, he watched as they drove off, laughing at how Scar had half his body out the window to make sure Grian could see him waving goodbye.

So, with a smile, he rang the doorbell.

The door instantly opened and a mischievous Pearl instantly began with, "Was that your new boyfriend?"

And his smile was gone.

Jimmy instantly was on her shoulder, more badgering questions, "Why is he so tall? What's his name? Is he not coming in?"

"Jesus! Let me get into the house!" Grian just yelled back, hands too full of bags to hit them.

"Guys! Elders have priority here!" A booming voice came behind the group, his dad pushed them and instantly pulled his son into a massive hug, "Welcome home!"

The oldest child just laughed as all three suffocated him with a pile of hugs, making him drop everything, "Help! I can't breathe!"

Suddenly another voice piped up, "You guys better get inside before you let all the cold out!"

They quickly got up and helped him bring his bags. In the living room stood a short woman with curly hair and a hand towel over her shoulder, with a massive smile, "Now, what is this about a boyfriend?"

"Guys, guys, he's just a friend-"

"Oh totally, 'just a friend'" Pearl mocked, trying to intimate his voice.

"That is not what I sound like!"

"'that's not what I sound like'"

"Mom!"

"Alright, alright! Jesus, it's like when you see each other you're 5 years old again!" His mom cried out, "Now, tea is nearly ready so Grian, put your bags in the guest room and the rest of you can help set the table."

Finally getting some peace and quiet, he placed his many bags on the floor and sat on the bed. He instantly got out his phone, no new notifications. It had only been a minute, why was he already expecting a text from Scar? Why was he so bothered? He could survive two weeks without the man, even if this will be the longest they have spent apart...

Suddenly, he heard the doorbell ring, snapping him out of his train of thought.

Going downstairs, it seemed like the rest of his family haven't heard it go off, too busy helping his mom in the kitchen. Opening up the door, he froze like a deer in headlights at who was there.

Scar was standing, or well kind of standing, hands on his knees as he heaved, terribly out of breath, "G, I uh-... You- Bag."

With a weak smile, he handed a laptop bag into the man's hands, "Oh! I can't believe I forgot this! Did you run all the way from Mumbo's house just to give this to me?"

"Of course! I know how much you would have hated not being able to get work done."

That touched his heart in ways impossible to describe, and with a soft smile uttered, "Oh... Thank you, I really Really appreciate this."

Suddenly, his family must have heard him talking because they all surrounded him like a bunch of sharks to the smell of blood.

"Hey, it's the tall man!" Jimmy announced before calling out to the kitchen, "Mom! Grian's boyfriend is here!"

Both men burst into bright red blushes, "I didn't say that you were- uh-"

"So, you're the mystery man," Pearl expressed, stepping in front of the dirty blonde.

"In the flesh, I suppose," Scar nervously spoke, rubbing the nape of his neck before extending a hand, "I'm Scar."

His sister's smirk grew even bigger as she shook the brunet's hand, "Oh! So you're the one he's always talking about and makes him all giddy-"

"That-! That's not true! Don't believe a word she says!" Grian yelled out, trying to push her away with vibrant cheeks before just hiding away in his hands.

The tallest man just laughed with a blush, maybe it was just embarrassment, he certainly was. Suddenly, to make things worse, his mother showed up, "Hello there! Scar, is it? Why don't you come in for tea? It's nearly ready."

"Well, he was just leaving-"

"I'd love to!"

Grian and Scar looked at each other. The smaller student tried quickly to resolve the situation, "He's not actually my boyfriend! He's just a friend!"

"Well, boyfriend or not, he's still welcome to join us!" His mom noted as she left for the dining room.

Everybody else followed suit, even Scar who had the biggest grin on his face, the dirty blonde just stood there by the door before finally closing it, "I guess this is happening now..."

They got an extra chair out for Scar so he could sit at the table with them all. He was at the corner, right next to Grian, making it so that they were so squashed that their knees bumped against each other often.

His family seemed to love the brunet a lot, constantly asking questions and listening closely, "So, Scar, I noticed you have an accent, where are you from?"

"I'm from America! Washington," He uttered, looking so happy as he got little bits of Sunday dinner.

Suddenly, something fuzzy went in between his legs to the taller man, "Oh! Hello! You must be Maui!"

"You remembered," Grian noted as he watched the brunet lean down to pet the kitten that was trying to get up onto the table to the chicken.

"Of course, I remember! I remember most of the things you tell me! Like how your other cat is named Pearl, where is she by the way?"

"Probably hiding, she's not the best with strangers."

"Awe!" Scar pouted before continuing, "I also remember that your sister is also called Pearl!"

"I came first if you're curious," His sister piped up, "And yes I did name our cat after myself, I was young okay!"

The brunet laughed before turning to his brother, "And I remember that you must be Timmy!"

The smile on his younger sibling's face vanished as he quickly started to glare at Grian, "It's Jimmy..."

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I swear that Grian said that you were-"

"Yeah, yeah, for some reason, he finds it funny to tell all his friends that I'm called Timmy because he knows I hate it..."

"You can't deny it's not funny," The dirty blonde said with a sly smirk.

"It's not funny!"

"Boys! Please, no fighting at the table," His father quickly shot down their sibling bickering.

Grian snuck a look over to Scar and saw how much he was smiling. He looked so happy, with a glean in his emerald eyes that shone brighter than stars, his dimples were so noticeable and he couldn't help himself from staring. But then the brunet noticed and with a bashful chuckle, whispered, "G?"

"Huh? Sorry, I was just uh..." The dirty blonde played with a bit of mash on his plate, "I was... wondering how you were getting home, I'm guessing Cub has left."

"Oh, right, I was just going to get a train back home."

"A train?" His mom overheard the conversation and instantly started to ramble, "Nonsense, at this time of night? Trains at night are dangerous, you can just stay in the guest room!"

"But mom, I'm in the guest room," Grian questioned, averting his gaze from her to his friend.

"You don't mind sharing, right?" There was a sly smile on her face, "And besides, it's just for the night."

With a huff, the shortest member of the family stood up, grabbed his plate, and walked into the kitchen. As he started scraping his half-eaten food into the bin, he heard the door behind him open up, "I can leave, if you want."

Grian turned around to face Scar, a scowl stuck on his face, "No, I'm glad you're here!"

"Then why do you seem upset with me?"

"I'm not!" As he placed his plate next to the sink, he finally let out a big sigh, "I'm just... stressed out. My family loves you and... ugh, it's hard to explain."

The brunet leaned against the counter as he looked at his friend with this soft expression that made him want to tell him everything, "I can try to understand if you want to talk about it."

"It's just... They always do this. Assume I'm dating everyone I'm friends with, everything is about love with them and I just... I don't share the same sentiment. And I'm worried it's going to scare you away or weird you out and... I don't know."

A warm hand was placed on his shoulder, gentle, tender, and domestic, "I could never be scared away, your family is amazing! I mean, you guys have family dinners and joke around with each other, I could have never done that with my family."

"Oh right, god yeah..." Grian suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over him, "I'm sorry Scar, I didn't even think of that. You can stay, I'll take the floor, I'll see if my dad will get the air mattress out."

"Don't be silly, I'll take the floor, this is your house."

"Maybe but you're the guest, you're getting the bed."

"You're not winning this argument."

"Neither are you, you have no idea how stubborn I can be."

"Well, I'm more stubborn sooo-"

All of a sudden, the doorbell went off. Both of them turned their heads towards the door before making their way to the living room, where his family was already there. Along with Mumbo Jumbo.

"Heyy! Mumbo!" Scar quickly walked up to him and gave him a massive hug, "What are you doing here?"

"You left your bag in the car and Cub told me to give it to you," He chuckled nervously as he looked down at everyone.

"Well, it's so good to see you again!" Grian's mother said with a chipper tone despite her son's frantic hand gestures.

"Again?" The brunet quickly questioned, "Ohh! Is this like a community thing or something? The neighbour's kid?"

His mom looked at him, puzzled, "No? Mumbo used to be Grian's best friend when they were kids, I thought they would have told you."

Scar's eyes grew wide as he looked between the two who were dying inside until finally, the lankiest man uttered, "Yeah... Surprise!"

"...What?!"

There was a long silence in the room before the smallest man quickly spoke, "Just uh... Give us a sec."

He quickly grabbed the two students and pulled them into the kitchen. The childhood friends watched as Scar looked dumb-struck by this news. Grian started, "Yes. Yes, we are- we used to be best friends, we grew up on the same street, we used to share everything, be antisocial together. We- We lost contact after high school. That's all there is to it."

"Well, I think there is a bit more to it-" Mumbo stared but got cut off by the smaller man's death glare, "...We were going to tell you."

"We were?"

"When?" Scar ignored the other as he just looked up at his roommate.

"I don't know! Just... We wanted to start fresh, so we didn't feel like telling people..."

The brunet finally started to take this all in, "I mean, this is great! You guys probably have a lot of stories, I just- Wow."

Grian watched his best friend as he leaned against the counter, and slowly, speaking through gritted teeth, uttered, "...Will it make you feel better if we show you old pictures...?"

Scar's face instantly grew brighter.

-

They sat around the dining room table after helping clean up, in front of them was a bunch of photo albums of Grian's childhood. His mother had created a massive photo album of each of her kids, they were her favourite items and loved to take them out to embarrass them.

They flicked through the first few years, not before Scar got the chance to gush about how cute he was as a baby, making him blush. Finally, they got to his younger years, where a picture of little Mumbo and Grian stood in their school uniforms, arms around each other and with massive grins.

"Aww! You guys were nearly the same height back then!" The brunet commented, touching the pages with gentle fingers like the pages were a masterpiece.

"Wow, thanks for pointing it out."

They flicked past all the primary school years, and the younger years of high school, to head straight into the awkward teen years, making Scar start to laugh at the unfortunate pictures of his. As they laughed, the broader man flipped a page and a massive picture of the two childhood friends in matching suits with red ties and pocket squares. It was their prom pictures.

"Oh..." The brunet stopped suddenly, staring at the picture intensely, "I didn't know you guys went to prom together."

The air in the room suddenly got very tense. Mumbo quickly added, "Just as friends though."

Grian stared down at his hands, unable to meet anyone's eyes, "Yeah... It didn't go well."

The childhood friends fell silent, trying to look and be as far away as possible. Something that neither had talked about since it happened,

"Is... Is this why you guys lost contact?"

"Well...-"

"yeah." The dirty blonde instantly said.

Heads snapped towards each other, "Really? That's why you avoided me?"

"I was embarrassed! My date to prom ran away from me in the middle of a song, I was humiliated!"

"I'm sorry-"

"No, no, don't apologize, it wasn't your fault,"

"Well, it wasn't yours either. You didn't know I was ace, I didn't even know at that point!"

Grian looked down at the picture and grazed his finger against the edges, "God, please don't tell me I was how you realized."

There was a long silence.

"I won't tell you that then."

The smallest of the friends started to laugh, "Wow-"

"It had nothing to do with you!-"

Scar was in between the two and suddenly started to chuckle to himself, making the two stop instantly, "Sorry, sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you two talking about your feelings, I just... I just noticed you both had braces in this picture."

"Oh god, please don't remind me! They were awful!" Grian blurted out, getting a ghost feeling of metal on his teeth.

And it was almost like magic how the conversation grew loose and flowed easier, how laughter started quickly and the tension eased as they talked about all the stories the two childhood friends had, Scar telling jokes constantly, making everyone feel more at peace. It was the three of them like it had always been that way. And Mumbo and Grian knew that their friendship had healed, even if it was just a little bit.

-

Eventually, Mumbo had to leave, but of course not without a tub of Grian's father's neighbourhood famous white chocolate cookies for his family and a massive hug from his mom, telling him to visit anytime. It was nice, it felt like old times and had a sweet taste of nostalgia.

As the night grew darker and darker, the family members one by one started to go to sleep after a long day of telling stories and laughing so much they couldn't breathe and their cheeks hurt. It had been amazing. Everything had been better than Grian could even imagine.

But the architects had to get some rest at some point, no matter how much fun they were having. Scar had been given a spare toothbrush and spare clothes that didn't really fit him but he was incredibly grateful. They got ready for bed together, which felt oddly domestic. Brushing their teeth together stood side by side, putting their toothbrushes together like they were living together.

Grian grabbed the spare blankets and pillows and began throwing them to the ground, "Okay so, my dad can't find the air mattress so I'm just going to have to sleep on the carpet."

"You mean, I am sleeping on the carpet," Scar noted, grabbing a pillow from him.

"Nu-uh, there is no way you are!"

"I'm not letting this happen, it's either I'm sleeping on the floor or we both are!"

"Well, I'm not letting that happen," The smaller man laughed before pushing his friend onto the bed, "You are going to stay in this bed all night."

"Not unless you're joining me!" The brunet wrapped his arms around the other and rolled over until he was on top, trapping him.

"You sly man!" He tried to fight away but Scar was stronger and bigger, it was impossible.

Eventually, he gave up, "Fine! You win! I'll sleep in the bed, but you're joining me."

His friend blushed instantly, and his grip loosened significantly. Grian pushed the man off him playfully but kept on laying in the bed, sprawled out as he started to kick off his jeans, "God, I'm so tired."

"It's been good though, right?" The long-haired man asked as he let his hair loose and pulled his shirt off, throwing it to the ground.

"...Yeah, it's been good."

Scar turned off the big light as the shorter man turned on the lamp beside him, beginning to get himself into the bed. The student stood nervously in the room, unsure of what to do with himself, "Are you uh, sure that you want me to... sleep with you?"

"Sleep next to me and yes," Grian didn't get bat an eye as he got a book out of his bag and adjusted his pillows, "We've slept in smaller beds, and I don't want you breaking your back."

A goofy grin grew on the man's face, "Oh, okay! I mean, if you insist-"

"Don't read too much into this-"

"Too late," Scar laughed as he threw off his pants and got into his pyjamas. How strange it was how comfortable they had gotten around each other, I mean, the dirty blonde had washed his hair and held him when they were drunk out of their minds, maybe it wasn't too strange that they were used to this closeness. Maybe this was just how best friends were.

The shirt that the taller man had been given was very tight on him, it was impossible not to stare, "Yeah, I don't think I can wear this."

He ripped it off, instead, being half naked as he made his way into the bed, making the other hide his red face behind his book, "Scar! You have to put on a shirt!"

"Why? Might get too distracted by my muscles?" He teased, flexing his arms, only half joking.

Grian threw a pillow at his face, "Shut up and get in."

As the dirty blonde read his book silently, he suddenly felt pressure on his shoulder. Looking down, he saw little green eyes looking at him, "Whacha' reading?"

"It's just school stuff," He quickly said back, trying to hide the pink dusted on his cheeks as Scar made himself at home on his shoulder, leaning his whole weight into him.

"Oh okay..." His words turned into a yawn halfway through, his eyes reading along, "It's been a good day..."

Grian hummed, before uttering, "You done on this page?"

A little nod could be felt, so he turned the page.

"I'm sorry about my family... I know they can be a lot."

A little sleepy voice whispered, "I like them."

All the smaller man could do was let out a small, "oh..."

Scar was everything he wanted. Somebody to warm up the bed at night, somebody he could take home to his parents and they aren't weirded out by their antics. Somebody who was handsome, way above his league, and yet still kind and holds him when he was upset. It was a shame that he was too scared to ruin their friendship...

And that he didn't like Scar that way. Which felt... more important. It was strange that wasn't the first reason he thought of... Everything about this was strange... Did he- No, no. He's lost enough people in his life, he's not losing Scar...

Suddenly, he realized that a soft snore was coming from his right. Looking over, he saw a sleeping beauty on his shoulder, it really didn't take long for him to fall asleep, it kind of made Grian jealous. Turning off his lamp and putting his book away, he watched the man sleep. In the creepiest way possible as he tried to decipher these weird feelings.

Scar was his best friend. He's been closer to the brunet, told him more than he's ever told anybody else. What did that mean? Was it bad that he wanted more? What that meant was unknown to him but he wanted... more. More than what the selfless man had already given him.

The dirty blonde's fingers moved on their own, tracing his friend's features. His broad eyebrows, his unsymmetrical nose and mouth, the light scar that ran across the bridge of his nose and his tanned skin, somehow, it was all perfect to him. He tried desperately to find imperfects, but even those he adored. He was everything Grian has always dreamed of, ever since he was a little kid and had daydreams of prince charmings and knights in shining armour. He hated it. It left a sour taste in his mouth.

Did he... Did he love Scar?

Grian didn't want to know the answer. So instead of dealing with these late-night thoughts, he scrunched up his eyes and prayed that he would sleep and in the morning they would disappear and he wouldn't ruin things by his heart wanting more.

Chapter Text

Grian was cold when he woke up that morning.

There was still a lingering spot in the bed where Scar used to be but there were no arms around him, no long strands of hair tickling him or suffocating him, no horribly loud snoring. He hated it, he felt empty without the other. When the smaller man sat up, he could still see that it was dark outside, but it was winter in Britain, it could be the morning.

One check of his phone disproved that it was 2:37 am.

Creeping out of bed, Grian made his way to the bathroom where a single light shone. He quietly knocked on the half-opened door, "Scar?"

Shuffling could be heard before, "...hey, you can come in."

Opening the door showed Scar, still just in slim-fitting pyjama pants and undone hair, which was slightly damp from where he had washed his face. There were noticeable bags under his tired eyes as they stayed locked onto his phone screen.

"Is... everything okay?" The dirty blonde stepped forward, trying to be as quiet as possible.

The man finally looked up from his screen. The whites of his eyes were red, Grian hoped that it was just because he was exhausted, or it was from looking at his screen too long because he hated to think of the alternative, "Yeah, yeah... I just... It's nothing."

Running a hand through his hair, the smaller and sleepy student watched as stress seemed to build upon his face. This wasn't just a small lie he told every now and then to protect himself from pain, he was in serious anguish and yet he still wasn't telling Grian, his best friend, his... whatever they were.

"You can tell me-"

"I think I just want to go to sleep, I'm tired..." Scar shrugged off his touch and walked past him, eyes going back to his phone.

The smaller man didn't try and let it get to him but... it did. No matter what though, he followed him and got back into bed by his side, quickly making his way back into his arms, into his heater.

"Argh! Why are your feet so cold?" The brunet half yelled half whispered as the other put his feet on his bare skin.

"Because you left! And you have been snoring all day so this is my revenge."

With a grumble and a huff, he held the smaller man close to his chest, warming him up, just as he planned. But then suddenly, a small voice filled the room, "Thank you..."

"For what?"

"For... not prodding... and for making me feel better."

"You don't have to thank me for that you goof."

"I know but... I want to."

Grian could barely see Scar through the darkness but he still stared up at him, trying desperately to decode what he had in his mind but to no avail, "we should probably go to sleep, knowing that my family they'll want us up for breakfast."

"Awee that's..." The brunet yawned through his sentence, "that's cute..."

And if it wasn't for the rampant thoughts in the smaller man's head, it would almost be like nothing had happened. But both knew it had happened... It was just a question of who would bring it up the next day.

-

When they eventually woke up that morning, it was not by choice.

"Hey, guys, we're starting to make breakfast so-" Grian's sister opened the door but stopped midsentence as she saw the two in the same bed as each other, so close together the double bed might as well have been a single, and with a shirtless Scar, "Ohhhh... Oh! Oh my, just a friend, huh?"

As soon as the dirty blonde realized his situation, he blushed so brightly that it could be luminous, "Pearl! Get out of my room!"

"It's not your room anymore! It's the guest room," She smugly noted with a mischievous grin, laughing so much that she was nearly doubled over.

"Well, I'm a guest!" Grian grabbed a pillow behind him and threw it at her, "Now get out!"

When she left, still cackling to herself, with the door slightly ajar enough to annoy her brother. And to let Maui in, so made himself very known by meowing at the top of his lungs before lunging onto the bed, investigating all the commotion. Scar turned his head towards the other with sleepy eyes, bed hair, and a tired smile that made his heartstrings tremble, "hey..."

His voice was so husky, it made his high-pitched voice crack even more pathetic, "H-Hi- Um- Sorry uh- I think we should um..."

"Go downstairs?"

Grian felt like he was burning alive, "Right, yeah, yep, downstairs."

He quickly got up, grabbing his jeans from the floor, not even bothering to get changed from his shirt from yesterday, too embarrassed to even think. If they didn't think they were a couple before, now they definitely do, which makes things so much more difficult. The smaller man could only imagine what they would say when they went downstairs.

Turning around from getting changed, he saw that Scar had made very little progress, just having his legs over the bed, one hand petting Maui, who had settled on his lap, and the other on his phone, reading what seemed to be text messages. Grian snuck up from behind and put his arms around the other, mainly in an attempt to reach his messages, "Whatcha doing?"

The taller man quickly put his phone away, he was trying to hide what he was doing, or who he was texting, "Oh nothing. Just... my roommates. Couldn't find something."

Clearly a lie. But he was too much a coward to call it out.

They got ready for the day in silence before quickly making their way to the kitchen where their family was. His father was the first to speak, "Morning guys, sleep well?"

Grian just groaned as he started to make himself a cup of coffee. It wasn't long though until Jimmy and Pearl started to tease him by pretending to be kissing the air. He was too tired for this.

He had been up nearly all night from either worrying or from Scar's snoring. The truth was that sleeping didn't suddenly make his thoughts go away. The truth was that he's had these thoughts for a while, but he was too scared to admit it, even to himself. The truth was that he didn't know what he wanted. He hated these thoughts, these feelings. He wanted them gone. Or at least something to distract himself from them.

He just managed to make himself a piece of toast and was just about to follow his family to the living room when he noticed something. The student managed to break free of the crowd and linger in the kitchen long enough to examine a bottle on the countertop.

It was a bottle of whiskey. Perhaps an early Christmas present that had been opened by his parents last night. It was strange to see alcohol in the house. When he came to their door, bags in hand, sickly skinny and with bruises all over, he told them everything, including his drinking. So they had always locked it all up. Maybe they had forgotten after all these months. He couldn't blame them, especially for what he was doing next.

Grian had to do something to keep these thoughts in check. He had to.

Opening up the bottle, he poured enough in his mug that people wouldn't notice, but enough to give him something to look forward to into his coffee. Putting it back exactly how he found it before anybody could catch him but he already feel guilt pool up in his stomach.

It was fine. It was just one drink. He could drink like everyone else. He could manage one drink. He needed one drink.

-

Scar was still acting strange by the end of breakfast.

But it was fine. With coffee and more starting to work their way through his system, Grian let himself enjoy the time with his family. Everyone was home as it was a weekend so they decided to put on some Christmas movies before they put up their tree, something they had all been putting off until the entire family was together. All of a sudden, as the movie had barely started, Scar's phone started to ring.

Grian was quick and instantly looked towards the caller id. It was just an emoji, a storm. He didn't get to look at it long though as the taller man instantly declined the call. Though it wasn't long until they started to call again.

"Argh... One second, I need to..." Scar trailed off as he picked up the phone and quickly left for the dining room.

Because all the dirty blonde could focus on was his friend, he listened out to the sound of the back door being opened and closed. Why did he need so much privacy? What was he trying to hide?

"I think I'm going to go check on him..." He said to mainly himself as he quickly followed him.

He could see his shadow through the back door. Pressing his ear to the glass, he tried to hear even a fragment of the conversation.

"yeah, yeah I get that but-... I don't understand... I don't care what he thinks, he doesn't control me-... But-... Alright, alright, fine. Fine... I love you too. See you soon."

He sounded so angry. So bitter. It was scary. Especially when he's never heard his voice sound so cruel. And who could he possibly be talking to? Was he... Was he talking to his boyfriend? He did say that he loved them. Maybe he has been talking to somebody... maybe that's why he had grown more distant...

All of a sudden, the door swung open and Grian nearly fell on his face if he didn't end up just falling into Scar. The man held him but had this fed-up expression that made him quickly leave the embrace.

"Sorry! I wasn't trying to eavesdrop," He totally was, "I was just worried about you..."

The brunet let out a long sigh, which made the bags under his emerald eyes seem so much darker, "It's... It's nothing. I'm fine, everything's fine."

"You're a terrible liar."

The words came out of his mouth without his consent, and the shock on Scar's face showed that he wasn't expecting it either, but it did make his shoulders slump even more, "I know..."

Pulling out a chair from the table, the taller man sat down with his head in his hands, he looked so defeated... Grian sat down next to him and on instinct tried to comfort him by rubbing circles into his back. A small voice came through the man's hands, "What would you do if you had to choose between two people you care about?"

"Do... do you have to make that choice?"

The way Scar avoided looking at him spoke volumes.

"Am I one of your choices?"

He didn't say a word but it was almost like he had spoken a novel.

Grian was one of his choices, and he was hesitant. Why did he all of a sudden have a horrible feeling in his gut? Something like spitting acid and bubbling venom that he felt unjustified in having. Of course, Scar had more important people in his life, just because the brunet was the person Grian would give anything for didn't mean the feeling had to be mutual. Especially if he had a boyfriend.

He didn't know why he was strung up on this single bit of information. It was going to happen eventually. Scar would get a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, who was in his league and they would be so attractive together they could make the sun go blind. And Grian would get left behind. It was inevitable that somebody would realize how lucky they would be to have the brunet. It was inevitable that he would be stolen from him.

The smaller man knew that he should be happy for his friend but a horrible bitter feeling wouldn't leave his stomach. All of a sudden, Scar grabbed his hand and rubbed his thumb across the back of his palm, it made that awful feeling grow even stronger, never wanting the touch to ever end.

"What do you think I should do?" Scar looked miserable, he looked exhausted, uncertain, and completely lost. It broke Grian's heart. No matter how he felt, he wanted his friend to be happy... Even if he got left behind...

"I think... you should do what your heart is telling you. Do what makes you happy..." He squeezed the man's hand, mainly to ground himself as his dark eyes stayed locked down at the table, "You shouldn't feel trapped to stay with somebody if what you want is... something- somebody completely different."

The taller man continued to hold his hand, maybe even a bit too tight, like his life depended on their hands staying interlocked. He let a shaky breath, "yeah... you... you make a good point."

And then they stopped holding hands, stopped any form of touch, and it was like Grian had been stabbed in the heart. A deep ache spread through his body like a virus, like something in him had broken. Why did that hurt so much...?

"I think I'm going to stay outside for a bit longer, I've... I've got a lot to think about..." Scar uttered, not even having the courage to look him in the eyes, instead just turning his back and heading back to the door, "You hang out with your family, I won't be long."

"oh... okay."

It was almost like he had blinked and then he was alone. A sharp coldness came through the door as the man left. Goosebumps raised on his skin and in the darkness of the dining room, he had never felt so lonely.

-

By the time the sun had begun to set, Scar still hadn't come back in.

He was supposed to go back home today, supposed to be inside, supposed to be here right by Grian's side, keeping him warm, keeping him safe. But instead, he sat on the couch, hiding away in blankets and scrolling through his phone to try and ease the nagging feeling in his gut.

It was fine. Everything was fine. And yet... he still couldn't stop thinking about the man. About his tired eyes, his unkempt hair, his sunken frown, the way his broad shoulders slumped, the way- He needed to stop fueling his impulsive thoughts before he ended up falling into something he pretends is love and not just a coping method for the cold emptiness inside him.

His mom walked into the room with a hot drink and passed it to Grian, "Hey hun, everything okay? You seem to be on another planet..."

"Thanks..." He held the mug in his hands, enjoying the warmth, "I'm okay... I just... I- I really- It's Scar, I don't know how to... I want to talk to him. He's been out there for so long- I just- I don't... Maybe it's better if I don't talk to him... I don't know if he would even want me to talk to him..."

She sat down on the couch next to him and caringly rubbed his back, just like how she used to when he was little, "Maybe, maybe not, you won't know unless you go out there and just talk to him. Just talk to him, dear."

Pushing down the coward in him, Grian stood up and made his way to the backdoor, where he could see Scar sitting on the porch through the glass. Slowly, he opened up the door and sat down next to the brunet, startling, "oh, uh... hey... I'm sorry for being gone for so long... I-..."

The smaller man didn't say anything, just put the blanket around both of their shoulders and placed the drink in the man's rough hands, "You must be freezing..."

Scar let out a shakey laugh that sounded like it bordered on a sob, "yeah, I guess so... I'm used it to at this point."

Grian leaned into his side, despite the man being colder than usual, it still brought comfort to be close to him, "What have you been doing out here?"

"Mainly just... thinking..."

"About...?"

The taller man just sighed, looking so vulnerable, so fragile, "I... I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh-"

"Not because I don't want to," Scar quickly corrected, talking so fast that you could see the white wisps of his breath, "God, I want to talk to you so badly but I'm worried that if I say it then... It's true..."

Grian placed a comforting hand on the man's lower back, getting closer, "I'm here..."

His emerald eyes finally met the other's dark eyes, locked on, like they were trying to solve a puzzle in the lights of their iris, "I want to... talk to you so badly but... he doesn't want me to talk to you..."

"Who?"

"My..." Grian pleaded in his head over and over again for him to not say that his boyfriend, desperately trying to change fate, "My uh... My dad."

Oh. The smaller man had never felt so pathetic in his life. He was jealous of a boyfriend he had made up in his head for hours. Why was he so jealous? It wasn't like he could stop Scar from dating, it wasn't like they were together. God, his mind was a mess. He needed to be there for his friend, not worrying about jealous feelings.

"oh... why?" He finally muttered after way too long.

"Eh, he's got some ridiculous reasons. You're a bad influence, blah blah," He rolled his emerald, scoffing under his breath before letting some of the tension fall from his face like he felt guilty for being upset, "He... texted me the last night... He's... He's got-"

Scar nearly shattered into a million pieces as he leaned into the other, putting the mug he had been cradling so he could bury his face into the man's neck, seeking comfort, "he's sick..."

"oh- oh god, Scar, I'm so sorry," Grian held him as tight as he could, protecting them both from the cold wind.

"I don't want to be upset, I didn't want to-" His breath grew shaky and rapid, "I don't know what to do..."

"You don't have to do anything... Right now, I just need you to breathe..."

"I don't want to care about him, everything that he's done to me, everything he's said- but-... but he's my family... I have to- I don't-"

"Shhh, it's okay..." Grian lifted the man's face and cupped his cheeks like he was holding a delicate object, "We will sort this out... How about... How about you stay for a few more nights, so then I can be there- Because I want to be there."

His emerald eyes grew wet, shining like white platters of paint before burying his face into the man's chest, nearly knocking them both over, and sobbed, "I'm sorry- I'm so sorry-"

The smaller man just held him, hushed him, and tried everything he could to comfort him, even if he was just being there. A small muffled voice filled his ears, "Thank you for checking up on me..."

"...no problem."

-

So, Scar stayed.

It wasn't hard to convince their parents. They're always been a small family so any guest or family friend was greatly welcomed and treated like a part of the family. The following night, they got ready for bed together, brushed their teeth, got undressed, and had their unspoken nighttime routine.

They lay next to each other in silence. Comfortable silence but there were so many things that Grian wanted to say. His brain was so full of horrible thoughts. He didn't want to think about how he's thought about nothing but Scar for the entire day. Or the fact that the thought of Scar with somebody else makes him want to vomit. And he definitely didn't want to think about the fact that sometimes when they are close and their noses are nearly touching, he wants to... do terrible things, that could ruin the only thing keeping him from having a meltdown, aside from the bottom of a bottle...

Turning around, he was met with emerald eyes, "how long have you been awake?"

"A while... can't sleep."

Rain was pouring down on the window, making ambience. Grian leaned forward and put his forehead against the others, "me neither..."

Their hands found each other easily, fingers interlocking like two threads. They were tragic souls, so scared that neither did anything but stay close to the other, worried that if they weren't constantly touching, one would slip right through their fingers.

"I feel like I'm losing you."

The words fell out of Grian's mouth but it was met with silence. Scar just squeezed his hand, like a secret message that he was still there.

"I... Grian I..." He struggled to find the words. Like he was trying to break terrible news or a deep dark secret, "I- I want you to know-..."

They stared at each other like they'd die if they didn't, and almost like magic, he found the words, "You make me want to be better, you- you are the 𝘉𝘦𝘴𝘵 thing that's ever happened to me."

The amount of emotion in Scar's voice almost makes the other break down, but instead, he held his hand tightly, and just uttered, "me too..."

That wasn't enough to explain how much the man meant to him but how could he explain it without making it seem like he was madly in love? Maybe he was...

-

Eventually, Scar fell asleep.

Slipping from the man's grasp, out of bed, and out of the room, Grian tread carefully. Making sure to only step on the areas that he knew there wasn't a creaky floorboard. He was acting completely out of impulse, out of a terrible coping method when his life felt like it was completely out of his control.

Making his way into the kitchen, he spotted the bottle of whiskey at the top of the counters. He manages to get it down with careful precision he should be applying to anything else.

He didn't even bother with a glass. The top of the bottle hit his lips like he hadn't drunk anything in days, which immediately made him nearly choke and cough out his lungs, muffled by Scar's hoodie, which had thrown on before he went to sleep.

The smell of the hoodie, of pencil lead and Scar, of plants and hot chocolates, broke his heart. Fighting back a sob, Grian took another sip.

He wasn't even enjoying himself. He wanted to be back in the warm bed with his friend who could hold him and tell him everything was okay but he couldn't because he loved Scar. He loved his friend and it was horrible. It was the end of hot touches and the man's coarse hands running through his hair. The end of early morning where he could see him breathe and bask in the vulnerability of it all.

He never 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 wanted to love again, not after the last time.

Another sip. It burned his throat and tears slipped through the corner of his eyes. Grian felt like he was drowning, maybe he was. Tears ran down his cheeks at a rapid rate as he muffled them with bitter tastes. Fastbacks to sitting on Watcher's bathroom floor with anything he could get his hands on, locking himself in so the taller man wouldn't find out and start yelling. Wishing to be anywhere else.

And yet here he was. Drinking on his parent's kitchen floor, sobbing so badly that he couldn't breathe, and hiding all of his feelings away until he had a meltdown. So scared to love that it completely debilitated him. Making it so the only thing he had on his mind was to get to the bottom of this bottle, because maybe then he wouldn't think, he wouldn't feel. Why couldn't he just be normal? Why couldn't he deal with his problems in any other way?

Maybe Watcher was right, maybe he was broken...

Chapter Text

Grian wasn't acting right.

It didn't take a genius to work that out. For the past few days, he was becoming more distant, more irritable, and more secretive. And the worst part is that one-time Scar woke up in the middle of the night and Grian wasn't there. He was gone for hours, Scar had no idea what he was doing but when he came upstairs he was pretending like nothing had happened, though it was a bit difficult to understand him when he was slurring his words from exhaustion or something else. And then in the morning, he was back to normal like nothing had happened.

Scar tries to ask about it but all he got back was-

"Jesus, I don't need you prodding me so much. I was just getting water!"

Grian was defensive with two barricades, to say the least.

The taller man wanted to help but there was never little he could do with how little the dirty blonde wanted to talk about it. Plus with his own situation, it was difficult to breathe, let alone deal with two people's troubles at once like he was a carnival monkey on a tightrope.

Safe to say neither was sleeping very well. The only thing keeping them together was the Christmas spirit, even if they were being kept together by flimsy plastic tinsel, it was better than nothing. Grian's family did help a lot. They were surprisingly very inviting and welcoming for somebody who had invited himself into their home. Scar helped out with chores, and helped out in the kitchen when making tea, even if he did mess up a lot.

That was the strangest thing, no matter how many times the big-handed clumsy idiot messed up, broke something, burned the food, or did everything wrong, they were never mad. They still appreciated him trying his best, and that was... a very weird feeling. Especially when Grian's father put his hand on the man's shoulder and said he was proud of him for cooking something besides ramen for the first time. If Scar left to go sob in the bathroom afterwards, nobody needed to know.

Scar's family, his real family, they... they were different. The contrast between gentle voices and encouragement to constant yelling matches through the phone as they guilt and persuade their son into doing something he didn't want to do. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Stuck to choosing between two options that had very unsavoury outcomes no matter what he did. And the fact that his decision had to be made soon made everything so much worse.

But today wasn't about that. It wasn't about restless nights of hearing his phone going off and Grian vomiting. It was about putting up the Christmas tree and getting everyone in a festive mood.

The house was filled with cheesy music he's heard a dozen times but won't ever get bored of, Grian's dad was putting up little Santas and reindeer on the mantlepiece, Pearl was trying to figure out how to begin putting the tree up, Jimmy was trying and failing to untangle a massive mess of fairy lights, and Grian was sat by himself, putting little snowflake decals on the windows.

"Wow! This is amazing!" Scar exclaimed, enjoying the smell of gingerbread men that were coming from the kitchen, "You guys do this every year?"

The dad was messing with a garland as he remarked, "Every year! We take Christmas very seriously in this house!"

The brunet squealed, "Oh my god, that's amazing! I love Christmas, the lights, the music, the matching ugly sweaterssss!"

The last part was trailed out as the taller man sneaked up behind his head and nudged him several times with his elbows, "Scar! You're going to make me mess up!"

Pearl audibly scoffed as she put one piece of the tree together, "G! Don't be such a grinch!"

The dirty blonde just rolled his eyes and went back to the decals, "I'm not being a grinch."

"You totally are."

"Am not!"

"Hey, hey," Scar put his hand on the man's shoulder, "What's up songbird? Aren't you excited?"

A bright red flush came to Grian's cheeks as his siblings chuckled mischievously. Jimmy was pretending to kiss the air as his sister put her hand on his other shoulder and loudly exclaimed, "Yeah songbird."

With pink-tinted ears and a scowl, the smallest member pushed past everyone and huffed, marching into the kitchen with a slam of the door. The brunet watched helplessly, feeling a horrible pit in his stomach, "I messed up, didn't I?"

Jimmy looked up at him and with full seriousness uttered, "No, you did nothing wrong."

Pearl continued with the tree as she spoke, "Yeah, don't mind him. He'll come around, hopefully... We're just hoping it's just a spell of bad moods and not a repeat of last year..."

"Last year?" Scar quickly asked.

The three family members look at each other before back at him, "You don't know?"

"Well I- I know he wasn't in a good place last year but besides that, no."

The youngest son looked anywhere else but at a person, "Well... Grian was... A mess-"

"Jimmy!"

"Sorry! I don't know how else to say it! You saw him!" He quickly tried to defend himself, "He had only been in college for a few months and it was like he was a different person. He came to the Christmas dinner drunker than a sailor, talking about who knows what, and then nearly hit somebody with his car, making him lose his license."

"God... I didn't know it was that bad..."

"We... We don't like to talk about it much," The father suddenly spoke up, having been quiet this entire time, "I love my son but even I could tell he wasn't doing well at all."

"I'm just glad he's sober now..." Pearl mentioned it as if it was common knowledge.

Scar suddenly stopped everything he was doing, dropping the bauble he was organizing onto the floor. He must have misheard, "Huh?"

She turned to look at him, confused by his wide eyes and tense shoulders, "Uh... Well, when he came back home for the summer holidays, he got sober, I think he's been clean for nearly four months now."

"Yeah, I-" Jimmy cleared his throat, "Don't tell him this but I am actually really... proud of him."

"Oh."

This didn't make sense. If Grian had problems with alcohol, if he was truly sober, then why did he get nearly black-out drunk at the party? Why was it that when Scar went to his dorm, there were beer cans on the floor and empty bottles of gin? Why was it that Grian would drunk text him at least once a week for the past month? Why did he smell booze when the smaller man came into college some days?

Scar had always made excuses. It was just one night. They were just old and he hasn't cleaned them up. He was probably just out with some friends. It could have just been his clothes. But... if he did have a problem then... Grian had completely fallen into old habits, and it seemed like nobody knew but him, catching him in his own white lies.

For now, he didn't say anything to his family, just helping with the tree as if nothing had happened. Because it wasn't his place to say, at least not until he got the chance to talk to the dirty blonde himself first.

By the time Grian came back with a wooden tray filled with warm drinks and a plate full of warm gingerbread men, the tree was finally up, and all they had to do was decorate it. And a lot of the tension seemed to ease now that they weren't fighting with a plastic tree as they placed the baubles and ornaments and everything in between. Scar working at the top, and Grian working at the bottom, for obvious height-related reasons.

They started to laugh and even started to tell stories about certain sentimental ornaments.

"Oh yeah, this one is chipped from when the tree fell on me," Jimmy explained through gritted teeth, making his older brother snicker, "And I still believe you're the one who pushed it over or set it up to fall- or uh- or something!"

"Timmy! I would never! I'm offended you would even suggest that."

As they bickered, the children's mother searched for a particular one, finally spotting it right at the top, "Oh Grian, do you remember that one?"

As the dirty blonde looked up at it, he just huffed, "I don't get why that one is your favourite."

"Because you picked it out! It was our first Christmas as a family and it was the first one you picked up!"

"Aww! I'm just imagining little Grian now," Scar hummed out, closing his eyes and imagining.

"Hush you."

"You should have seen him! This little guy adored Christmas more than anything! He would count down the days until the next one as soon as it was over," His father gushed as he ruffled his son's hair.

Fixing his hair, the smallest student grumbled out, "Yeah, when I was four."

"Aw come on G, where's your Christmas spirit?" The brunet spoke with a smirk.

"Eh... I don't know. I loved Christmas as a kid, but I haven’t felt the magic in a long time.”

"That sounds like a challenge to me!"

"It's really not-"

"Grian, I am promising you now, you are going to have the best Christmas ever if it's the last thing I do!"

For the first time in a very long time, the smallest man cracked a smile. Which turned into a small chuckle, and grew and grew bigger and bigger until he was laughing through snorts. It made Scar's heart race like nothing else. When the man calmed down, he looked into his emerald eyes and with a grin uttered, "Alright, let's see about that."

And with that, he went back to decorating the tree, leaving the brunet so helplessly in love.

-

They ended up spending who knows how long decorating the house to cheesy Christmas music with Grian's family. Scar couldn't wish for anything better. But the two were starting to get frustrated after the sunset and they were still trying to untangle lights.

"Why don't you guys take a break and go down the road to the shops? We can do the rest."

"Are you sure?" The brunet asked, "I can stay and help if you want-"

"That's sweet dear but it's alright!" She patted the man on the shoulder before ushering them away, "Oh, Grian, come here a second."

She placed a small list into the dirty blonde's hand as Scar went to go put his shoes on, but as he left he swore he could hear her say to her son, "He's a keeper."

They quickly put on a bunch of gloves, hats, and coats to try and fight back against the cold, and they went out into the night. It felt good, as the fresh air hit his lungs, unknown to himself how long he had truly been outside. Plus he had his cane and joint supports to try and minimize the pain.

They took it slow and easy, not just because of his chronic pain but also because it had been snowing a little bit while they were inside and now the pavements were coated in ice. Grian nearly fell on a bad batch and instinctively reached for Scar's hand, and as they interlocked, it was like their hands were made for each other for how perfectly they snapped together like jigsaw pieces. So they didn't let go, for the safety of each other, of course.

The town was full of lights and garden decorations, it was like a winter wonderland. Everything was so bright that it lit up the street with red and green colours, all the way to the corner store. They browsed the aisles together, checking off things that Grian's mom had asked for, which were mainly more baking supplies as their family loved to bake sweet treats for their neighbours, especially during the Christmas season.

Scar watched the man in front of him bouncing on his feet, his eyes grazed over the different kinds of sugar. He was madly in love, he wanted to do this with the man every single day, living their little domestic life together...

They paid for their items and walked out into the winter night, the smaller man holding onto the shopping bags so he could use his cane. All of a sudden, the dirty blonde stopped in his tracks before they could even go anywhere, "Goddamit! I knew I forgot something. I'm just going to pop in real quick, you alright out here?"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead!" He uttered but the man was already gone.

The stars were so much prettier here than in central London, Scar wanted to stare at them for days. He could only imagine how prettier they would be in the countrysid-

*Ping*

His phone went off in his pocket midthought. Getting it out, he felt his blood run cold in the wind. It was from his mother.

M: He's gotten worse. Call me when you can.

He felt like he was going to vomit, he felt like his heart was in his stomach, like his head was about to explode from racing words, like the world was ending. Why did this have to happen? Why of all times did this have to happen? Why? Why?!

The brunet rested the back of his head against the brick wall, letting out a long drawn-out breath to try and ease his racing heart. He knew what he had to do, he just didn't know if he could have the strength to do it. How would Grian even react...? How well could you possibly take the news that... that he was-

"Hey!"

A rough voice called out, breaking him from his train of thought once again. Snapping his head in the man's direction, Scar became face to face with a familiar rotten face. Watcher was right in front of him and despite the anger filling his eyes, he put on a clearly fake smile.

"Mark, is it?"

"It's Sca-" He was quickly interrupted like he had said nothing at all. Not like it mattered because the lanky man was slurring his words enough for the two words to blend together. He could practically taste the alcohol on his breath with how strong it was.

"So funny to see you all the way out here, what brings you here..."

"Just visiting Grian's family, not like you need to know though," The brunet folded his arms across his chest and tried to seem a lot bigger than he was. Cub had told him what had happened with him and Grian, he knew he was quick to violence.

"Oh! Oh really?" Watcher laughed through his words, getting louder and louder, "Oh so he won't ever let me visit his family in the year we were together, but some rebound cripple he's known for a few months? That's perfectly fine!"

The insults felt like a poison-tipped arrow, going straight through his heart and leaving a terrible ache that filled his body. Maybe it was because he had been around amazing people for too long that it stung a lot more than it should of, or because it reassured all his insecurities, but it completely made him stop functioning. Scar just stayed silent, turning away, mainly so he wouldn't start crying.

"Oh don't you- you dare try and pull the silent treatment right now, you aren't shit," The shorter man poked his finger into his chest painfully, making the ache worse as he yelled louder than his size, "You aren't anything special. Grian's going to leave you behind in no time, it's what he does."

"Don't talk about him," The words came out of his mouth like water, unable to stop them.

That seemed to make Watcher smile even wider, "Oh please, don't pretend like you guys are even anything special. You're just some guy he picked at random because he's shit by himself. I mean, clearly, he didn't give you much thought before figuring out you'd be enough for now."

The way his dark eyes looked Scar up and down seemed to make all his insecurities louder and louder. He knew the purple-haired man was just trying to get under his skin, try and make him look bad, or show 'his true colours', and he didn't want to give Watcher that. The brunet turned his back to him and leaned against the wall, trying to ignore him the best he could.

"You know I'm right."

Just ignore him. Ignore him. This is just what he wants.

"He's just using you man, I'm trying to look out for you!"

"Grian isn't like that," Scar knew he shouldn't have said anything but he couldn't help it. It was like hot acid was bubbling inside him, creeping up into his mouth, making him spit his words out with venom. The lanky man certainly knew how to make people angry...

Watcher laughed, deep, and slow, "Oh, oh don't tell me. You love him, don't you? Do you really think he gives a damn about you?"

"Shut up."

"He's just with you until the next guy comes along. Be mad at me all you want but don't be surprised when he leaves you for some other poor soul."

"Leave me alone."

He took a step closer to the taller man, getting right into his personal bubble, "Wake up. Grian is nothing but a fucking whore-"

"𝙎𝙃𝙐𝙏 𝙐𝙋!"

Scar, without any thought, wound his fist back and punched Watcher straight in the face. His heart was racing, his teeth were being grinder together, and all his vision could see was red as the lanky man's nose bled, dripping down his pale face. And for a second, nothing happened as the drunk tried to figure out what had happened. But... then it clicked.

All he knew was that he was standing and the next he was fumbling back with a thick red burning sensation forming across his jawline. So, he went for another punch.

His fist made contact with the man's chin, sending him to the nearby wall. But he just got back up. Watcher's next punch hit him directly on his cheek, his ring cutting the skin enough for warm liquid to start trickling down. He couldn't think anymore, all he could feel was pain and anger, and he did what he had to do to keep going.

Grabbing the man by his shirt, he threw him at the wall again, just trying to make distance between them. But that just gave him more space to run and tackle the brunet to the pavement.

The back of his head coursed with pain as it hit the tarmac and punch after punch he endured. He was hit several times across the face as the man got on top and acted in a blind rage. In his eye, making it difficult to see. At the side of his head, making a pounding headache feel like a bullet to the head. All while Watcher's broken nose dripped blood all over.

Scar felt like he was about to pass out as he heard loud screams ring out.

All of a sudden, Watcher was pulled off the injured by a large burly man, yelling things he couldn't concentrate on. His blurry vision tried to focus on something, anything. A figure was in front of him. Beautiful, fluffy hair, fair skin. He reached out to touch his face but they just held his hand as softly he whispered, "it's okay, it's okay, everything was going to be okay."

It was Grian. He could recognise that angelic voice in a heartbeat.

"G..." he tried to get out some words but ended up wincing from his terrible headache.

"Shh, it's okay, don't talk, just take it slow," Despite the reassuring words, he could tell that the dirty blonde was crying. His voice was cracking and it wavered like he was trying so desperately to keep it together.

Gently, he sat up. Opening up his eyes, he saw Grian in front of him, tears running down his cheeks and red on his hands from where he had tried to wipe away the blood on his face. Standing by the corner store door was a large burly British man, who must have been the shopkeeper, "Are you alright, son?"

Now that the adrenaline was starting to cool down, Scar was aware of how much his face stung. Watcher was wearing a ring that made several cuts across his face. He probably had bruises on his torso from a kick or two. And his head- God, his head... Aside from all that, he knew he was okay, "yeah... I'm alright."

Now he knew that he could focus on his everything breaking down in front of him. The brunet squeezed their hands as he ran a hand through the man's hair. unintentionally getting blood in there, "Sorry..."

"Sorry?" Grian was really crying now, heavy tears dripping down his face and landing on Scar, but his face has never looked angrier, "You're sorry?! Scar, what the 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 happened?!"

"I-... I- I don't-"

Suddenly, he was completely devoured in a massive hug, nearly sending him back to the floor, "I'm so glad you're okay..."

The smaller man was a mess of emotions, of feelings, of everything. As he pulled back, he sniffled and uttered, "I'm going to call... my dad and... we're going to patch you up and... everything will be okay."

"Okay..."

-

They sat at the curb after Grian called his dad to pick them up, not trusting Scar to be able to walk back, like he was scared he would just faint or perish in some way.

The shopkeeper had given him some toilet paper for all the blood and a bag of frozen peas for his head before leaving, which was actually helping a lot. He had come down from the high of blind rage and now he was just tired. And hurt. The dirty blonde sat right next to him, letting him rest his head on the man's shoulder. But his dark eyes never left his phone, checking constantly for a message from his father, his leg bouncing up and down impatiently.

Softly, Scar placed a hand on the man's knee, "I'm okay..."

His eyes only left his screen for a few seconds before they returned, "I know, I know, I just... I want to know for sure that you're okay. I want you to be okay..."

There was the distant sound of cars to listen to as they waited. And the gentle rustling of the trees against the cold wind. And despite how many stars there were in the sky, Scar couldn't stop looking at Grian. He was more beautiful than entire galaxies.

He eventually got caught staring though, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

The words slipped past his lips without much thought. Maybe it was a concussion, maybe it was the adrenaline, or maybe it was just his true thoughts coming out because he knew he wasn't able to hold them in any longer. The smaller man flushed up like a poppy, his head suddenly snapping to look at him with this... look. Of confusion, of surprise, of... something that was impossible to decode.

After a long pause, Grian started to chuckle softly and sadly.

"You've really hit your head, haven't you?"

Before Scar got the chance to say anything else, they could see a familiar car pulling up to them.

"That's my dad," The dirty blonde mumbled, helping the brunet up, "Come on... Let's get up patched up."

Chapter Text

The only bandages they had in the house were children's ones that were covered in dinosaurs and cats, but Scar didn't seem to mind. If anything, he was way happier about this development than he should have been.

Grian was the only person to help patch him up after what had happened at the corner store, mainly because of trust and paranoia that if he didn't do it, it wouldn't be done right. Nothing against his family, he was just feeling so protective. They were silently sitting across from each other in the dining room, so close together that their knees touched. The more petite man worked gently, cleaning his cuts and gashes with disinfectant.

Scar winced.

"I'm sorry... It's going to hurt."

"I know, it's okay..." A long thick silence lay heavy in the air, "I... I'm sorry too..."

"...for?"

"For what happened I... I know it was stupid, I wasn't thinking straight-"

"Hey, hey..." Grian put his hands on the man's broad arms, rubbing his palms against them slowly, trying to soothe, "this wasn't your fault. Watcher is- He's an impulsive and... Violent person."

"I know but- G, I... I punched him first."

His hands grew stiff and started to grip Scar's arms with a slight shake, "...what? I don't- I don't understand."

"You should have been there, the things he was saying about you- about me- about us. I- I couldn't take it!" There was pure emotion running through his deep voice like he was pleading for forgiveness, "I couldn't just stand there and let him say those horrible things about you!"

All the smaller man could do was stare down at his hands as they gripped tighter. He shook, his eyes grew wide and all that was playing in his mind was terrible toxic things that he was bad. But he was angry. Angry at Watcher, at Scar--even though he didn't want to be--but most of all, he was angry at himself, for letting things get to this point. Under his breath, he muttered, "you're such an idiot..."

There was a long silence, but the brunet had heard him, "Grian, I- I know what I did was impulsive but-"

"No, you don't get it. What are you going to do if he goes to the police? What would you do if nobody pulled him off? What would have happened if he just kept on hitting you and left you on that pavement, in the cold, bleeding everywhere?!"

They locked eyes, emeralds to void.

"You might think I'm dumb, and what I did could have gotten me killed but I don't care," Scar's face stayed unmoving, more serious than ever before, "I don't regret it at all. Watcher had it coming. I would do it again and again if I had the chance."

"Why?! Why would you do that to yourself?"

"Because I'd do anything for you."

The taller man grabbed Grian's hand and interlocked their fingers, he was warm. It made all anger flow out of him so that all that was left was fear and aching for love. Scar still held the firm look on his face but his eyes were as soft as a feather and his touch was barely a whisper against his skin like the dirty blonde was like fragile glass.

"I want nothing more than for you to be happy," There was dirt and blood under his nails from where he tried to fight Watcher off, "I'd do anything to make sure that you are smiling and that nobody takes that away... as long as I am by your side, nothing nor no one will hurt you. I'll fight for you till my last day, I promise."

Maybe he was just severely concussed but Scar spoke like a poet. Maybe even reciting one of the romance books he had admitted to reading often. His words flowed so easily like an angel's song.

Using his other hand, he brushed his thumb against the man's freckled cheek, caressing it like he was soft velvet. It made Grian's heart a slimy icky mess of black gunk. It wasn't because he didn't enjoy the way the brunet seemed to know exactly how to turn off his anger like a switch, or the way he treated him softly and nurturing like he was worth Something, no. The problem was that he liked it. He liked it so much that it burned him alive from the inside out.

He was mushy, a soft-baked disaster waiting to happen as he wore his heart on his sleeve. The dirty blonde placed a hand over the other's and hid his face in it, whispering to himself, "You've made a mess of me..."

"Hm?" Scar hummed out, his voice had become too muffled into the man's palm.

Grian looked up from it and saw the way his eye was bruised, nearly shut completely. He would have a black eye for days, maybe for so much longer. The cuts, the bandaids, the way he looked like he was in so much pain and yet still wore a crooked smile. With a stiff sigh, the dirty blonde stood up and left the embrace of his friend, "I... I'm going to get some fresh air..."

Not even looking him in the eye, he left for the back door.

-

It was cold in the apartment.

Watcher never wanted to turn on the heating because it was fine for him and if Grian wanted to turn it on, he'd '𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺! 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵.' So, he didn't. Mainly because he didn't have any money. Watcher had promised to take care of him completely and that he didn't need a job, they just needed '𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳'.

He felt so stupid.

Huddled up in a bedroom that was leaking and falling apart at the seams, surrounded by empty cans and bottles and cigarette buds. Freezing with only a sweater and a bottle of cider to keep him warm, in a relationship he hated but couldn't leave because he would be homeless. No job, no friends, only having uni as his only chance to leave this stupid flat.

But of course, his... boyfriend wanted to take that away as well.

He listed off reason after reason that the dirty blonde should drop his dream course, his dream job so that they could be together. But there was this threat that floated in the air that if he didn't, they were done. The threat floated so peacefully, like that wouldn't mean he would end up on the streets.

What did it matter anyway? He didn't have anything else going for him... Grian stared at the ceiling as he lay down on the bed, his entire world spinning. Watcher was sitting on the windowsill, the window open so he could blow smoke into the open air. It didn't help with the fact that the smaller man was worried his toes would fall off from frostbite. His lips were numb, but that could be from the cold or the half-empty bottle in his hand.

It kept him warm. It made him lose consciousness when reality hit the fan. It made things... easier.

"God, are you even listening?" A sharp voice cut through his attempt to blackout, "You never listen to me."

"I was..." Grian managed to slur out but it always seemed to fall on deaf ears.

"You're so selfish, so in your own world," His words were rotten and poisonous, and by design they seeped into the student's bloodstream, warping his thoughts and feelings, "It's like you don't even care about me."

Instead of answering, the smaller man just took another sip of the bitter liquid, answering never did him any favours. Nor did it ever do anything except to make Watcher even more upset.

The skinny man trudged over and loomed over him like a shadow, some cigarette ash getting on him, "I don't know how I put up with you..."

Grian didn't know either...

His boyfriend pushed the fragile man aside, making him nearly fall off the bed, only to lay next to him and hold him close. He smelt like smoke and lighter fluid, it stung the dirty blonde's eyes. Grian didn't have it in him to push away though... This was the first time he had been held in months.

"Despite everything, I still somehow find a way to love you," Watcher's coarse voice rang through his spinning head, "I don't know how anybody else could, not with the way you are. I want to be with you though, despite your imperfections. It's like we're made for each other... you feel the same way, right?"

Maybe this is what he deserved... To be loved by somebody who has done nothing but hurt him. To be loved means to be consumed. To be loved is to pass talking to your family to listen to your boyfriend's complaints, to love is to endure shouting that hurt his ears and cigarette burns on his skin. To love is to die inside every day, hoping for an escape.

"...yeah..." As Grian held his partner, he continued to shiver violently, fighting back sobs by biting on his bleeding lip, his heart and his fingers have gone beyond numb at this point.

He was so cold...

-

Scar waited for Grian to return, tapping impatiently on the dining table.

He just needed some space. He seemed so upset about it all, rushing for him to talk probably wouldn't be the smartest idea... But the longer they spent apart, the more the brunet ached to have the small man in his arms. Keeping him safe and warm in these winter months...

Pearl knocked on the dining room door before popping her head in, "Oh, where's Grian?"

"Outside," he just uttered as he continued playing with the red and green friendship bracelet on his wrist.

"Why?"

Scar shrugged his shoulders sluggishly.

The sister hummed disagreements but didn't voice them, instead, she walked into the room, holding Pearl the cat in her arms. They sat down next to the brunet, watching him with their eyes, moving almost like one, "So, is anybody gonna tell me what's going on?"

"...I got into a fight with Grian's ex and now he thinks I'm a moron. That's the gist of it..."

"I doubt that he really thinks that..."

"He told me to my face that I was an idiot."

Pearl pursed her lips together and hummed once more, tutting under her breath, "Well, he's the moron here. I think you made the right choice. I never liked that guy."

The tallest man sighed, letting his shoulders loose their tension, "Maybe but... he's still upset and I think I might have really messed up. And I... I don't know if I can fix it... Watcher got exactly what he wanted... And I'm the fool that let him mess with my emotions like that and..."

He trailed off but the blue-eyed girl seemed to understand, "...Grian will forgive you. I can promise you that. I think he just... needs to cool off."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Well, couples fight all the time. And the way you guys talk to each other is-"

"Wait, wait-" Scar interrupted, a bright blush creeping onto his cheeks, "Me and Grian- We're not- no, We're n-not a couple!"

Pearl's face stayed blank as she blinked before, "Wait, you guys were serious?!"

"Have you guys thought we were together this entire time?"

"Well... yeah!" She exclaimed like it was common knowledge, her hands showing her shock, scaring the cat off her lap, "You guys share a bed- are constantly talking about each other- I- I mean, you must see it!"

"No?"

"Haven't you seen the way he looks at you?"

"How does he.. look at me?"

"like they're helplessly falling in love."

As the girl uttered the words that made the world turn upside down, something soft brushed against Scar's leg. Looking down, he saw a little grey cat watching him with almost a smile. The feline jumped up onto his lap and cautiously laid down, choosing him as her pillow. She chooses him despite being terrified of strangers. It touched his heart in ways indescribable.

"I guess you wouldn't know this but... I've truly never seen Grian happier. He's probably smiled more this week than he ever before," Pearl continued but Scar was off in his own world, trying to let the words sink in.

"...really?"

"Absolutely... And if he doesn't realize that then he's the only moron here."

The brunet held cat Pearl to his chest as he stood up, making his way to the back door. If this was true then... they had a lot to talk about...

Opening up the door, he was struck with a painfully cold gust of wind. It was so dark outside, he was unable to see anything that wasn't illuminated by the porch light. The feline pushed herself even closer to Scar, trying to keep warm as he stood a step out, "Grian? Can we talk?"

But there was no response.

Because Grian wasn't there.

Chapter Text

Grian didn't know where he was going, he just knew he was going.

Only the streetlights lit up his path as he walked the lonely streets, his only friend was a large pack of beer he had bought at a local store. He'd always hated the stuff but it was the only thing his uni student life could afford. He just wanted to be alone, he just wanted to be safe.

He was so cold...

The winter winds made his cheeks go numb and his fingers that held the cans feel like they were about to fall off. It's like he wasn't wearing a coat at all as the wind went right through it. The cold liquid that hit his lips somehow distracted him of the way he couldn't feel his face.

Grian knew he was an idiot. He knew he wasn't helping himself but he was too scared to do anything else but run from his problems and hoped they disappeared. It was all his fault, if he hadn't made Watcher upset, he wouldn't of hurt Scar, somebody he truly loved in a way that was terrifying. He felt so helpless, and it scared him like he was a little kid.

His weak legs managed to find themselves on familiar ground, after swaying so much that he was close to being hit by ongoing cars or hitting his head on asphalt. His dark eyes looked up to an abandoned treehouse.

Making his way up the rotted ladder, he sat on the wood that could give him splinters and opened up another can. Maybe he could just live here for the next few years? Be a hermit and hope not to freeze to death from the drafty walls. This was his safe place, somewhere where he could stay without any prodding adults or annoying kids bothering him. There was still a blanket here and a flashlight that was covered in moss and was broken. How long had it been since anybody has been here?

All of a sudden, there was creaking as the mouldy wood tried to handle the new weight on the ladder leading up to Grian. He watched with wide eyes, suddenly sober as his heart started to race.

Then, a little puff of dark hair popped over the entrance.

The shorter man let out a sigh of relief as Mumbo joined him in the treehouse, which was way too small for him. His head hit the roof and his lanky legs took up a lot of the space, "Hey... I thought you might be up here. Scar called me saying you were missing and I know you used to come here when we were younger, so..."

"...Scar called you?"

"yeah, of course, he did, everybody is so worried about you..." Grian couldn't help but notice as the man spoke, he looked over at the number of cans that scattered the floor, "What... what happened?"

The dirty blonde didn't respond, just hung his head in shame as he brought his knees to his chest.

Instead of forcing him to talk, Mumbo just put a warm hand on his back in the most comforting way possible. It made Grian choke back a sob as he leaned into his childhood best friend. It was like they were six again. The smallest of the two crying about scraping his knee or being bullied again and the lanky boy being there to take care of him, as he was a few months older and felt responsible. Like an older brother.

As a few tears dropped from his cheeks, a soft voice filled the treehouse, "Do you remember when we built this?"

Grian lifted his head up and looked up at him with red eyes, "huh?"

"I think we were... eight or maybe nine and we had begged our parents to have one after we saw one on TV. We spent the entire summer building it with my mom and your dad."

A wet laugh left his mouth, "oh yeah. Didn't I end up falling from it the day it was finished and broke my arm?"

"Yeah! You were so upset because you weren't allowed up for a long time. I was just happy to stay with you in your room though, as long as I was the first person to sign your cast."

The half-drunken blonde chuckled to himself before letting out a heavy sigh that made his shoulders leave their tensed position. Mumbo had helped distract him from his problems, like always...

Resting his head on the man's shoulder, Grian finally let a horrible-sounding sob echo through the forest, "I...I'm so scared Mumbo..."

The lanky man shushed him as he patted his head, "I know, I know, it's okay..."

He felt like he was drowning. Everything was happening at once and he hated the way he felt about it, "It's not! It's not okay!"

"Hey, look at me."

There were so many tears in his eyes that it was impossible to see anything but he did what he was told anyway.

"Talk to me..."

It was like the dam broke as words started to fly out of his mouth like massive waves of water, "I- I don't even know where to begin! Scar is hurt! He got hurt because of me!"

"No, no, Scar told me that Watcher-"

"I made him mad at the party! I left him with no warning! I'm the one to blame!" He shouted his heart out, wailing through gasps of air, "I hurt him! I- I hurt Scar... It's all my fault."

"Hey, hey," A soft voice cut through his sobs and all of a sudden he was surrounded by warmth after his skin had become so numb to the icy air, "This isn't your fault..."

Grian could barely breathe, black dots danced around his vision as his heart felt like it was about to give in. Everything came down around him and now he was unable to stop 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. He was getting snot everywhere and he couldn't stop his entire body from shaking violently so through wails he managed a small, "I'm- I'm sorry..."

But all he got back was a, "You have nothing to apologize for..."

How long had it been? Maybe a few minutes, maybe a few hours, but eventually, the crisp air started to enter the smaller man's lungs and with red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, he could finally see his friend in front of him. But his heart broke to see the wet eyelashes and sad smile on Mumbo's face, "I'm sor-"

"Don't, I just..." Wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, he let out a wet chuckle, "God, everything is so different now, isn't it...?"

Grian didn't respond, though he didn't really need to. They leaned against each other in silence, dependent on the warmth the other gave as the wind howled. Suddenly, Mumbo uttered, "Did... Did Watcher ever hurt you?"

"...what?"

"I mean, besides at the party, and besides from the time in high school when he threw you at a wall and broke your nose, or when we were younger and he used to pull your hair and punch you and- I mean, I could go on but I feel like I shouldn't."

The smaller man didn't say anything for a very long time, just staying vacantly at the planks of wood they called a wall.

But then, "God... I should've seen it coming..."

"So... he did?"

Grian didn't respond, though... he didn't really need to.

Mumbo reached for his childhood best friend's hand and interlocked them before squeezing it gently. As a silent, 'I'm here.' They could hear cars going by on the nearby street they used to play on, them and their group. But besides that, the night was silent, especially as little white specks started to fall from the sky. A soft voice interrupted the winter wonderland quiet.

"I think I..."

The lanky man turned his head to look down at Grian, letting him know that he had his full attention but the dirty blonde refused to meet his eye, "hm?"

"...I think I love Scar..."

Snow fell from the dark skies, landing gently on top of roofs, on top of cars, and settling into the cracks in the pavement. Mumbo let him speak, something he almost appreciated about the man, though maybe at this point it was more of the fact that he was absolutely speechless at this realization.

"I... I don't know for certain I... I'm still figuring everything out. But... I can't- I can't Stop thinking about him. He possesses my every thought, day and night. I can't imagine a world without him anymore. And it's terrifying...” The dirty blonde bit his dry lips anxiously, like he was ashamed of his feelings, "To be so vulnerable like that... To have my heart so set on one person- I mean- If he leaves- If he does something or- or he doesn't feel the same-"

The raven-haired man just patted at his friend's hair, "Scar isn't like that..."

"I know, I know, I keep on telling myself that but..." Grian used a spare hand to pick up a half-empty beer can, his last one before taking a sip of the ghastly liquid, "God... I'm so scared..."

"G..."

"I don't want to get hurt again..."

"Scar isn't Watcher. He will never 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 be like Watcher," He spoke with such certainty that it warmed his cold heart.

The smallest man just hugged himself tightly as he tried to suppress these emotions, "Scar is nothing like him... He's kind, passionate, caring, and always so gentle. Especially with animals, he loves animals and painting flowers- and Disney movies- and- he once memorised the entire of his favourite one and when we watched it, he mouthed along like a song. He makes me smile... and he makes me happy, in a way I never thought I could."

"...And I love him. I feel like I love him too much, is that even possible?"

"I don't think so," Mumbo muttered with the biggest smile on his face as he watched his friend gush with glowing red cheeks.

"...It hurts. I didn't know how much I wanted this until now but... I want this. I want to be someone to somebody. I want to keep on being with him. I want him more than I've ever wanted anything else in my life and I've wanted to be an architect my entire life!" He laughed out before the grand scale of everything fell back onto his shoulders, "god... what do I even do with that...?"

"I think... you should tell him. He might feel the same way..."

"...I'm not an idiot, I know there might be... a chance Scar could like me back... Friends don't do the things we do and I feel like he's been dropping hints but... there is always that what if, and even if he does, that means that things will change. We'll go on dates and have to communicate and Everything will be different between us. And the eventual fallout will be so much worse and I'll never see him again... What we have now is... fine. It's enough. It's safe..."

"But that's... that's not fair to yourself... or to Scar."

Their eyes met and Grian nearly burst into tears again. Regret, guilt, and every negative emotion under the sun coursed through him as he felt like his heart was about to burst. His chest ached, his head hurt, and he didn't want to deal with this, "I don't- God, I'm just broken aren't I?"

As he sat up to exclaim, he knocked over some of the cans and the sound was deafening, proving his own point.

"You're not broken," Mumbo's voice was stern, serious, with so much certainty that the words he uttered felt like facts, "There is nothing wrong with you, you're just hurt. You've been hurt, badly hurt... and now you're trying to just keep your head above water. But please trust me when I say that it's all in the process of healing... You don't have to be scared anymore, I- all of us- we've got you...

Slowly, the smallest man nodded, finally--after so long of it being a wall between him and everyone he loved--letting his guard down.

"Now, come on, I think we've worried everyone enough. And I'm so cold I'm worried my fingers might actually fall off."

The lanky man held his friend's hand tightly before letting go to make his way down the ladder. Slowly making his way to the exit of the treehouse, Grian looked over to the white sheet of snow over everything. It was almost magical... Making his way down the ladder, he began walking with the man back to their houses. It felt like they were walking back from school, side by side, but they barely said a word. That was okay, they'd known each other long enough that it wasn't necessary.

But as they made their way to the fork in the road where they had to split, Mumbo suddenly spoke up, "Are you... are you going to be okay...?"

The question lay heavy in the frosty air. But eventually, the shorter man uttered a simple, "...yeah, I think I will."

And they both knew it was the truth.

-

When Grian made his way back into the house, he was met by a silent house. He shouldn't be too surprised as he was sure Mumbo had told everyone that he was fine and it was a stupid time of night.

Creeping upstairs, he was about to enter his room when a voice nearly made him jump out of his skin, "You're an idiot."

Quickly turning around, he was met with Pearl who wore a scowl, "Jesus, you can't do that to me-"

"You deserve it after running away like that without telling anybody, I thought you got kidnapped or something-"

"Pearl, I'm nearly in my twenties, I have a job, my own place, I don't need to tell people when I'm going somewhere."

"Well, it would be nice!"

They glared at each other for what felt like an eternity before his sister started to smell the air with a disgusted look, "Why do you smell like beer?"

Shit. Grian lied better than he ever has before as he turned away from her, "I think it's just the jacket, I haven't worn it in months."

"Okay..." She trailed off her words, maybe only half believing him, "I'm glad you're back... I was worried about you..."

Gripping the doorknob with such strength, he refused to meet her eye, "I'm okay, seriously, please just- Let me sleep..."

Her eyes glared into the back of his head, it felt like she was about to melt a hole in his skull before, "okay... see you tomorrow... And check in with Scar, he's been practically pulling out hairs with your disappearance act."

And with she left for her room, closing her door with a click.

With a heavy sigh, it was time to face his fears...

Opening up the bedroom door, he was faced with Scar sitting in the bed, knees to his chest, bags under his eyes, and a vacant expression on his face as he stared down at his phone. Hearing the creaking of the door made him instantly look up, so on edge but he seemed to calm as he saw Grian, "oh, you're back."

He didn't seem... excited. At least not what he would have been usually... but the smaller man took what he could get.

Making his way over to the bed, he sat on the opposite edge and began taking off his winter clothes, which were all covered in snow, "yeah... was getting cold..."

The tension was suffocating. He didn't want things to be awkward, he didn't want things to be this way, this was exactly the reason why Grian had run away. But he couldn't keep running, he had to face things.

"Scar I-"

"I can't-"

They began their sentences at the same time.

"Oh sorry-"

"No, no, it's alright."

And there it was again. The silence he dreaded...

"You can go first," The dirty blonde muttered as he faced the wall, too scared to look at him, fearing disappointment or worse.

Scar just sighed, before a silent, soft, broken, "you could have texted..."

Grian didn't respond.

"One text, or just- Something... letting me know that you were okay..." Even though he couldn't see the brunet, he could feel the stress lines on his perfect face, "And don't even try and lie to me like you did to Pearl. I know you've been drinking, you're wobbling."

He opened up his mouth but quickly closed it again. Scar told him not to lie, so he didn't. He didn't say anything. Because what could he say...?

"Your family thinks you're sober, have you... have you completely relapsed?"

Grian put his head in his hands, practically radiating shame and guilt as he stayed silent. It spoke more words than he ever could.

"...how long?"

"...a month, or something like that. Whenever the party was..."

"...right."

It was like time had stopped at a standstill. Everything was frozen in the winter winds as the two felt like they were worlds apart...

The smallest man let out a choked sob as he uttered, "Please, please don't hate me. I'll quit, I'll get better, I promise..."

Scar didn't say a word.

Instead, he moved on the bed and held the fragile man from behind, resting his head on his shaking shoulder, "I'm not mad... just upset."

"god, that's so much worse..." Grian heaved out as he put his hands over the brunet's, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Grian," The man's voice was stern, cold, it didn't pair well with his warm body pressed up against him, "I... I'm still proud of you, I still care about you, and you're still my favourite person but... something happened- I just- I don’t think I can talk to you right now without getting angry at you and I don't want to be mad at you, so can we… Can we do this later? Please. I just need some space to think...”

"...I'm your favourite person...?"

Scar let him go and his heart ached at the cold he left behind, "you always have been..."

The taller man got back into bed, looking up at the ceiling like it held all the answers. The other wasn't far off from joining him, barely bothering to get into anything comfortable, too exhausted. As they lay next to each other, they had never felt farther away.

"We'll talk tomorrow... okay?" The brunet muttered into the darkness as he turned off his lamp.

"yeah... tomorrow..."

Chapter Text

The morning after Grian relapsed again, he woke up alone. His... friend had already left downstairs, he could hear him and his family talking, telling stories. Nobody had thought to wake him up.

The day after Grian truly messed up, he went downstairs and ate breakfast like nothing happened, watching as Scar pretended like nothing had happened too. He laughed with his family, he made stupid jokes, and he played with his beautiful locks of brown hair like his eyes weren't bloodshot from not sleeping all night.

The afternoon after Grian tried to bottle his emotions up until they exploded in fiery carnage, they watched the snow from the living room window. It had snowed all night and left thick sheets of snow across the entire town, maybe even an inch or two.

After they had their rough conversation that barely felt like a conversation at all, Scar and Grian sat in their room, peacefully. Well, as peaceful as they could be.

One sat on his floor, wrapping presents for his family as Christmas quickly seemed to approach, the other sat on the bed, sketching out a portrait of something, it didn't really matter. All the dirty blonde knew was that there was a sinking feeling in his gut and all he wanted was answers. He was so sick of leaving things out, of hiding away, he wanted to tell Scar exactly how he felt. He wanted... him.

"Scar, I really am sorry..."

The words lay in the air, almost like they had never been said, but by the way that the brunet's lead scratching suddenly stopped, he had been heard.

"...I forgive you," His voice was so genuine, soft, and gentle, everything Grian could have wished for, "I... I'm sorry too for overreacting last night. Things have gotten worse- My family- Things are difficult right now and I didn't know how to cope with it all..."

The smaller man stood up, completely abandoning his present wrapping to comfort his friend, his- whatever they were at this point. He stayed right by his side, rubbing circles into his back, "I get it... you don't have to apologize for feeling for you feel. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you more..."

The way that Scar nearly shattered in his arms made his regret even deeper, "... I- Grian- we need to talk..."

"I know..."

The brunet turned his head to look at the other, he had this... look in his eyes. It made Grian's heartache like nothing else.

"I don't like it when you look at me like that..."

"...like what?"

"Like I'm going to leave again or that you're never going to see me again."

Scar's eyes widened until he turned away and with a sad chuckle, muttered, "how'd you guess all that from my eyes?"

"I don't know... you just- you look scared..."

The taller man fidgeted with his hands as he bit his bottom lip, both nervous quirks he's noticed the man do. He cleared his throat, once, then twice, clearly trying to delay something, "I... Can we talk tonight? Meet me on the porch, I- I don't want anybody interrupting us..."

Before he could even respond, Pearl and Jimmy burst into their room, all wrapped up in coats, knitted hats, and scarves, "Guys! We're making a snowman, join us before the snow melts!"

They left the door open as they quickly ran down the stairs, the two could hear crashes and yells downstairs as they made their way outside. Grian turned to his friend and just uttered, "Point taken. 7 pm?"

With a smile, Scar replied, "7 pm."

And no more words needed to be spoken as they quickly put on their coats and gloves.

-

It was like they were kids again as they ran out into the cold outdoors.

Despite all four of them being young adults, they messed about in the snow. Grian had gathered handfuls of snowballs and was trying to get as many sneak attacks as he could on everyone, Pearl was making a snowman but then got frustrated with it being wrong and redid it multiple times, Jimmy was trying to do the same but was getting hit with so many snowballs from his older brother that it was impossible, and Scar was enjoying the scenery, taking in the little town that was coated in white.

Eventually, Grian got tired of being a menace and decided to help his younger brother with his snowman, and then their sister, who was sick of what she was making not being right. It wasn't long until Scar helped at the end, adding an artistic flair to the face by using leaves to make it look like it had a moustache.

"Hey! It looks like Mumbo!" The smallest man exclaimed as he stood back to admire his handiwork.

"Nah, it's too short to be him," the brunet laughed out.

"Well, I think it looks nice."

They stood next to each other, not even minding how cold they were. All of a sudden, Scar used his gloved hand to graze Grian's numb cheek, "You uh, you have some snow on your face."

A red flush came to his face as he quickly tried to pat his skin, "Really? Where?"

"Here!" Suddenly, the little mischief maker threw a snowball hidden behind his back straight into his face, making him fall into the soft ground.

Laughter surrounded him as he gathered the snow around him, "Oh, you're getting it now!"

This led to a massive war as a snowball fight commenced. Teams were formed, which was quickly followed by betrayals, sneak attacks--though he wasn't sure if it counted as a sneak attack if Scar screamed 'Hawkeye!' before he did it--and everything in between as the battles went on for an entire hour. All forfeiting when they were so cold they couldn't feel any of their bodies and Grian's mom had made hot drinks for everyone.

Inside was nice and toasty as the heating had been turned on and they all hung up their wet clothes for Christmas pyjamas. They sat in the living room, hot drinks in hand, and laughing about previous Christmas disasters.

"Oh man, do you guys remember when mom burned the turkey and we ended up just getting a takeaway?" Pearl reminisced as her mom swatted her with a tea towel.

"Hey! We all agreed not to talk about it!"

"Not as bad as well Timmy got stuck in the lights," The oldest child laughed.

"That was very traumatizing for me and not my fault!"

As Grian continued to laugh, he couldn't help but notice that Scar had grown slowly more silent, now just picking at his nails nervously. His legs were bouncing up and down as his posture seemed collapsed, always withdrawn into himself. Just as he was about to ask what was wrong, his younger brother's voice interrupted his train of thought, "Hey Scar, you got any stories?"

That snapped the brunet out of his trance, "Oh! uh- Well I mean- Not off the top of my head, at least none that are funny..."

"It's alright, doesn't have to be," The father noted before taking a sip of his tea, "I am curious how different the holidays are for you lot over there."

"Ah well, I don't think there are that many differences," Scar nervously chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck, "I mean, I guess we have ham instead of turkey, that's for Thanksgiving, and I've noticed there are fewer lights outside houses."

Suddenly, a light shone in his forest eyes, "Oh! There is actually something we used to do nearly every year! When I was younger, my dad and I used to make a gingerbread house on Christmas eve and spend the whole day decorating it and then that would be our dessert for the actual day!"

"Awwe! That's so sweet!" The dirty blonde couldn't help himself from saying, "You've never told me about that."

"Ah well, when I got older my family kind of... stopped celebrating the holidays, then birthdays, or anything really, so I forgot until right now," Despite the forced smile on his face, Grian couldn't ignore the way his eyes grew wet, "I mean, that's to be expected though, they're busy with work and their business and well... I get it..."

With the realization that everybody was staring at him, Scar suddenly stood up and wiped his eyes furiously with his sleeve, "Sorry, sorry, it's just allergies to the tree or... something- I- I'll be right back-"

And with that he ran away upstairs, trying desperately to avoid any questions.

The eyes suddenly snapped to Grian.

"I uh... I'll go check up on him..."

Making his way upstairs, he heard a lot of shuffling and muttering under someone's breath coming from the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar so the smaller man let himself in, revealing his friend sitting on the edge of the bathtub, trying to desperately dap away the tears running down his face with tissues.

"Scar..." Grian uttered breathlessly as he quickly went to his side, putting his hand on the man's back, "What's going on...?"

"Please, just, leave- I don't want to talk about it right now- Not now-" He sobbed out, completely shaking with emotions as he tried to face away from him, recoiling from the touch.

The dirty blonde quickly retracted his hand, "Okay, okay... you don't have to talk about it... Just... breathe for me, can you do that...?"

Scar refused to meet his eye, stuck to the floor, but Grian still got on his knees in front of him and put his hands on the man's knees to try and get to his eye level, "Focus on me, I'm right here. Everything is okay..."

The brunet's coarse but gentle hands make their way to the fair man's cheek, thumb grazing over the freckled skin. But that just made him even more upset, now completely withdrawn into himself and sobbing violently, "I'm sorry- I'm- Sorry- Please- Please don't make me go-"

"Hey, hey!" The smaller man guided them both to the floor so he could hold his friend so tightly that his wet face was completely smothered in his sweater, not caring at all about ruining it, "You don't have to go anywhere! I'm going nowhere! Why do you think that-"

"Please, please don't leave me alone again- I like it here! I Really like it here- Please don't go-"

No words seemed to get through to him so Grian let him cry into him, wrapping their arms so tightly around each other that there was no space between their bodies. Scar wailed, he clung on for dear life, like his friend was about to disappear before his eyes.

Even when the brunet gradually calmed down from the soothing motion of fingers going through his hair, he didn't let go, if anything, he held on even tighter, nearly crushing him in the most loving way possible. Leaning back to be able to talk to him, the dirty blonde gently muttered, "Darling, I can't breathe."

Scar loosened his grip but halfway through, a smile appeared on his tear-marked face, "Darling?"

Grian's cheeks burst alight with colour as his devious friend laughed at him. He felt humiliated as he buried his face into the man's shoulder, trying to hide from the world, "Shut up, you called me songbird in front of my family."

"Well, that's because you're my songbird," his voice was cracking and fragile but still somehow just as charming.

"Shush your mouth," The smaller man spat out with no real venom as leant back and put a finger to the other's lips.

This just made Scar laugh more, his bloodshot eyes shone as his slanted smirk slowly appeared again, "okay, okay... we should probably get off the bathroom floor, it's uh- probably not the cleanest."

"Oh, yeah..." Wrinkling his nose, Grian stood up, finally leaving the hug that felt like forever, and somehow already missed it, "Do you think you'll be alright to go back downstairs?"

"Yeah," The tallest student mumbled as he used his cane to get up, "I just... I..."

He seemed so lost for words, so lost in general. Like he was stuck instead of his own head. But then.

"7 pm. I'll tell you then."

And with that, he moved past his friend and began to make his way downstairs, not before rubbing away all wetness from his cheeks. Leaving Grian with a lot of questions...

-

He found Scar outside, not on the porch but in the garden by a firepit that had mostly been abandoned.

The brunet had somehow found a way to light it up and was now throwing twigs and small branches into the fire, trying desperately to keep warm. Because of the winter season, it was beyond dark as the clock hit 7 pm. So the orange glow that filled the garden was pleasant, and the only light.

Grian walked into it hesitantly, all wrapped up in scarves and jackets as frost gathered on the grass, making it crunch underneath him. Alerting Scar to his presence.

"Oh, hey..."

"hey..."

He wasn't sure why the atmosphere was so tense as he sat down on an outdoor chair covered in snow. Maybe it had to do with the fact that they had left all their unspoken problems to this very moment, right here. This could either mend or break their entire friendship, all of it depends on how they dealt with the problems that have caused so many sleepless nights.

The taller man sat down on a chair next to him as the fire stood between them, crackling away and radiating a welcomed lull of warmth.

"How do we... Where do we even begin?" Scar started first after a minute or two of silence.

"How do you want to start...?"

The artist pursed his lips together and looked down to the ground, his leg bouncing rapidly, his arms wrapped around himself, either for warmth or a glimmer of comfort. Then-

"Were you ever going to tell me you were- you are an alcoholic?"

All words seemed to lose themselves in his throat as Grian stammered, stuttered, and stumbled his way through an incoherent sentence.

It didn't impress Scar.

"I had to find out from your family that you had a problem at all. I had to sit there and listen as they spoke about how proud they are of you for being sober... Why would you- Why didn't you tell me? If I hadn't found out, would you just keep on drinking until you got yourself hurt?"

Grian couldn't lie anymore, he had to be honest, even if the truth was horrible, "...yeah, probably..."

"...Why?"

"I... I don't know... Maybe a part of me doesn't want to get better, maybe a part of me longs for the days when I was always a bit drunk and never had to think at all, maybe a part of me hopes that I do get hurt so people give up on me... I don't- I don't know why I'm like this, but this is the way that I am, and it's fine if that's too much for you- or- or if that makes you feel like I'm-"

"Hey, hey, no," He quickly got cut off, "I'm not leaving you because you have an addiction. I- I might not understand but I want to... Because I care about you and I'm not going to 'give up on you' just because you have problems, it wouldn't be fair of me to expect you to not have low points... I like you, flaws and all."

The dirty blonde looked out to the sky, so in disbelief that somebody could like him for... him. With no strings attached, with no conditions or insults thrown in. Scar liked him, and maybe that was enough...

"But-" Suddenly, the taller man made his look him in his emerald eyes, watching how serious they had become, "You have to Promise me that you'll stop- Or at least try. I don't expect you to be perfect but I just want to try..."

Grian didn't even hesitate. He put his arm on the chair's rest and pulled out his pinky, he could try for his one and only, "I promise."

With a small smile, Scar intertwined his pinky with the other, it became obvious how much bigger the brunet's hands were compared to the petite man's. But when their fingers connected, Grian held on tight, making him unable to free himself, "Only if you promise to tell me what's going on."

The artist spluttered out, "W-What?"

"I'm not an idiot Scar, something is going on, and it clearly involves me so... Please... tell me. I just want to help. If there is- and I mean Anything- I can do to help or something... I need to know."

Scar's cheeks grew an unhealthy shade of red, though that could be from the horrible cold winds that nearly blew out their fire. His eyes darted away, and... with a slow voice, he uttered, "...I don't want you to hate me- or leave- or- or try and-"

"hey..." Grian let go of his pinky finger and instead intertwined their hands together, using his other hand to make the man look at him, and when they did, it was like they could never look away from each other, "I'm not going anywhere..."

The tip of the brunet's ears grew as red as his cheeks, even his nose. That couldn't be from the cold. The architect's hands seemed to move on their own, cupping the man's tanned cheeks and leaning in closer, "I... I'm sure whatever it is... we'll get through it, together..."

Grian felt the corners of his lip start to lift as he looked into those wonderful eyes he loved so dearly. He wanted to stare into them forever. He wanted Scar forever, "I... I really- I just- I want you to know that I... you're my favourite person. I didn't get to tell you that last night. There are a lot of things I haven't been able to say because I've... I've just been so scared to lose you but I... I really want you to know something..."

Before he could even finish his confession of love, fear, comfort and distress, Grian noticed the way his everything's face suddenly changed in a blink of an eye. Like he knew what the words coming out of his mouth was before he spoke him. Everything came crashing down as pure emotion flooded his face like he had just watched his whole life being ripped away from under his feet.

Scar looked 𝘏𝘶𝘳𝘵.

Like he would never Ever feel okay again as he uttered the words-

.

"I'm moving back to America."

.

"what?"

Chapter Text

"what...?"

"I- I can explain-" Scar tried desperately to fill any grasp of silence because he was so scared that if he let Grian speak, everything would disappear, "My dad is getting worse! He's- He is so sick- And I didn't know what to do- My family wants me to go back home to help. I- But... But I..."

As his words frizzled out, so did the fire. The comforting orange glow slowly faded until they were stuck in the dark, barely able to see each other if they weren't so close.

Grian didn't say a word. His eyes scanned for any sort of lie, of deceit, 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 that showed that this was all one big joke. But he couldn't find even a slither of malice. Because this wasn't some practical joke, it was the bitter truth that felt a horrible taste in both their mouths and a hollow ache in themselves.

"I-... I don't understand..."

Scar didn't know you could see somebody's heart break right in front of your eyes, but he did now...

They sat in silence. Because the smallest man had never felt so empty. Because the tallest had never had his mind been so full.

"This is why I tried to avoid this- To avoid this conversation as long as I could- I didn't- I don't want to hurt you..."

Suddenly, something changed in Grian's dark eyes, "how... how long have you known?"

"...a week... but we only bought the tickets recently. I was going to tell you a few days ago but then the fight happened and then you ran away and I just- I couldn't seem to find the right time..."

The dirty blonde slumped in his chair and his head fell back, looking straight up to the sky, using his spare hand to cover his eyes as with a weak sad chuckle, he muttered under his breath, "a week... a fucking week..."

The night was still... and quiet. So quiet...

With the fire out, the only comfort they got was from the way their hands intertwined with each other like threads. Slowly, Grian's head started to drift until it landed on the taller man's shoulder, leaning his whole weight into him, or at least as much as he could with them being in separate seats. Scar didn't say anything about it.

The shorter man would never admit that he was clingy, but he was, at least only with him, and that made Scar feel so special. Everything about Grian made him feel special but not in the way that gave him butterflies, mainly because it happened so much that the butterflies in his stomach--though still very much present--had dulled down and calmed. Which would have alarmed him months ago but now... His crush had slowly formed from blazing love to a gentle comfort like a warm aura, something that became a part of his day instead of taking it all up with buzzing thoughts.

Over the months they've known each other, somehow it became strange if they didn't have at least one point of contact at all times. One of the reasons they both stopped trying to justify their unacceptable behaviour to themselves. They weren't just friends anymore... they were... Well, they were Grian and Scar. Whatever that meant. There wasn't a single word in the world that could describe them and their unusual relationship.

Because friends didn't cuddle up close, not because they needed the warmth but because they needed each other more than they needed air. Nor did friends usually steal your clothes and wear them with pride, like the way the freckled man did, just like how he loved to play with the brunet's hair for hours on end, not even bothering to ask for permission anymore...

Scar was so deeply and truly in love. Unfortunately, that would be his downfall.

Suddenly, a small voice voiced, so quiet that it was nearly inaudible, "...Is your dad going to be okay...?"

"...I don't know..." The taller man finally said after minutes of painful silence, "With the way that my mom was talking about it- and everything that's happening- I-... I want to be there... just in case..."

"...I think you're doing the right thing..."

"...yeah?"

"I'm not going to stop you from seeing your family just... I'll be here when you return, despite everything that has happened..."

He sealed his mouth shut, too much of a coward to let Grian know that he might not be coming back at all...

He had no idea what was going to happen. Scar was leaving for America in a few weeks, but he hadn't been there in nearly 2 years, and he hadn't seen his family in even longer as he was living with some friends before he left. They were... so sure of what Scar would be, what they wanted from him, and what job he would get. And when he gets back into their hands, there was no way they would let him go away again, not like he would ever get enough money to buy a plane ticket back...

But his dad was sick and he was terrified that if he didn't get to say goodbye Scar would regret it for the rest of his life, no matter what his father has done to him.

Was that worth all the friends he had made? Or the course he had worked so hard to get into? Or... Grian?

Because Grian loved him. It was something neither could deny, they both knew he was going to confess the night. Like how it was impossible to deny that Scar loved him too. They were one confession away from getting an apartment together and seeing each other every morning, watching a movie on the couch in the evening, tucked up in a blanket, replacing those lonely nights from before.

They were one step away from being one. Of calling each other boyfriends, of Jellie having a new dad, of living their lives together, growing old. So close and yet... so far away. It wasn't fair to the architect. The brunet couldn't possibly in his morality give the man hope. Let themselves get together for only a few weeks before he had to leave forever. No matter how much he wished for a goodbye kiss...

It was better this way, he told himself over and over again, hoping that if he repeated it enough times it would become true. It was better this way, they wouldn't get hurt, even if they were hurting so much already...

"What do we do now...?" Grian asked nobody but the wind, looking up at the sky like the stars would whisper the answers.

Despite this, Scar just squeezed his hand tighter and uttered, "I don't know..."

-

The day after everything fell apart, was Christmas Eve.

Both had completely forgotten until they went downstairs and saw everybody celebrating and mentioning tomorrow's big day. Unfortunately, all holiday spirit had been completely drained from the two due to... last night... Of horrible sleep that left them with bloodshot eyes, both too focused on just making sure that their lifeline stayed close, holding on for dear life to make sure that in the morning they would still be there.

And everybody could tell as they watched the two slump against each other on the couch, vacant expressions stuck on their faces, so emotionally exhausted that they couldn't even cry or be upset or anything. They were just... empty.

Pearl was the first to say anything, "Is... everything okay?"

Before Grian could even open his mouth, Scar blurted out, "Yeah, yeah, we just didn't sleep well!"

He had this fake smile on his face, it was almost impossible to tell the difference if he didn't have massive bags under his eyes. The architect wondered how much practice he must have in pretending that he was okay... Grian stayed quiet, despite wanting to word vomit about Everything to his sister, he swallowed it down and put on a smile. The brunet clearly didn't want to tell people, he wondered if he was the first person Scar has told...

Pearl spared a look towards her brother before leaving it be, which he was grateful for...

They spent the rest of the day trying their best to stay afloat in a raging river. The Christmas music was louder than the nagging voice in his head. The Christmas sweater he dug out of his closet, and finding a similar one for Scar as well, kept them distracted, mainly because of how itchy they were. They ate cookies for breakfast and watched Christmas movies with the family.

They weren't okay but they were getting better at keeping themselves distracted. Pretending like everything was okay to themselves when Everything was wrong.

Grian's mom and Scar were in the living room, talking about cats or something, while the rest of the family were in the kitchen, prepping some dishes for tomorrow. The three children were on peeling, slicing, and dicing duty for the vegetable, so used to it that they had made a conveyor belt situation for efficacy.

"Who's going to be here tomorrow again?" Jimmy asked with a huff.

"Your cousin Joel, his boyfriend Sausage and his wife Lizzie, and their child, of course," His dad explained as he prepped the turkey.

"Ughhhh! Not Joel! He always makes fun of me!" The youngest brother argued.

"It's your fault for being the baby of the family," Grian laughed.

"God, this Christmas is going to suck..." He grumbled under his breath but apparently, it was loud enough for their father to hear.

"Hey! It won't be all bad!" He uttered as he reached up and grabbed something from a top cabinet. A bottle of champagne... "You'll be around your family! And that's all that matters."

Or he said something along those lines, as he always does. But Grian couldn't focus on that, because all he could think about was the bottle in the man's hands. As he placed it down on the counter, probably for tomorrow, he watched the liquid splash about. Perhaps it was cruel to think that his family would stop drinking for him. They were English, of course, there were going to drink for the holidays, and it wasn't like he had asked them to stop.

Though he also hadn't told them how bad the situation was... Because Grian knew where that bottle was now. He knew when everyone fell asleep, where the crickety floorboards are, and if his family found him on the floor of the kitchen, with an empty bottle and the contents of his empty stomach half out of his mouth then... so be it. Wouldn't be the first time he's ruined Christmas...

But a laugh brought him out of his destructive pattern.

Scar's laugh could be heard from the other room and through the door from how loud he was. It was bubbly, alive, and it was... magical. Something that brought light into his heart and made him realize that he had promised his friend, his... World, that he would try to quit.

And Grian 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 to try. God, he wanted to get better desperately. Because he didn't want to wake up one day and realize that he was the only person holding him back. Or realize that despite being older he's still at the exact same point as before. To know that everyone he knows will struggle to say a single good thing about him due to mishap after mishap.

He wants to get out of the comfort of being at rock bottom, losing the coping method of believing that at least things couldn't get worse-

"Grian?"

A voice suddenly snapped him out of another one of his deep thoughts. Pearl looked at him with worry in her eyes as she asked, "You alright? You zoned out there..."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm-" The dirty blonde stopped himself before he could even finish his sentence. A little voice spoke into his ear. 'Haven't you been here before?'

His subconscious was right, even if unfortunate. Because he had. Last Christmas when he was so drunk he slurred out excuse after excuse that he was okay, that everything was fine, that they didn't need to worry about him. All said as he sat at his lowest. How could he try and change if he was just repeating cycles constantly?

"Actually, I uh-" Oh god, he couldn't do this, he couldn't do this, he couldn't!- "I haven't been the best lately..."

The oldest child's family paused for seconds longer than Grian was comfortable with. He watched with careful precision how their eyes widened, how all the attention was instantly on him, every one of them hanging on his every word as they expected more. But his lips were sealed with fear. Fear of anger, rejection, but mostly... disappointment.

"Oh?" His dad mused, and planned his next words so carefully, "What do you... mean by that?"

It's now or nothing. Now or Nothing. 𝘕𝘖𝘞 or 𝘕𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙.

"I relapsed."

That wasn't how he wanted to tell them. But it's how the words came out of his stupid mouth. Sort of like a flood trying to get through a crack in a wall. However... it did get through. Which was more than enough for him...

The family were perfectly still for so long. Almost like a picture... then...

"fuck... really?"

Jimmy, who was the closest to him, put a hand on his shoulder... it meant a surprisingly large amount to Grian, for reasons he found hard to explain. Maybe because it showed that they would empathetic instead of frustrated. He was so scared that they would be upset, call him an idiot, reckless, impulsive, good for nothing, and every single insulting word in the book. Maybe they knew that he had heard that enough from himself...

All Grian could do was nod slowly, and shamefully. Guilt laying on his back like a stack of bricks.

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around him and clattering could be heard as his youngest brother dropped everything to hold him, "thank you for... telling us."

The architect was so in shock that he didn't get to give the hug back until two more pairs of arms were wrapped around him, smothering him in care and affection, their own way of saying, 'we're here'. And if a few tears were shed then that would be their secret...

Though of course, the big questions were still lingering in the air.

"When did you..." His father began but was always one to dance around sensitive topics, "When...?"

"A month or so... And then I kind of just fell completely back into old habits. I don't know what happened, I had a single drink and then I was going into my saving so I could get a bottle of something cheap so I could sleep through the night. It just- It all happened so fast... I didn't mean to go back to my old self, I thought I could just control myself, I thought this time would be different but..."

"And that's why you... two nights ago, when you ran away, you relapsed then again, didn't you?" The way Pearl asked the question proved that he didn't really need to answer. Maybe he wasn't as good of a liar as he thought...

"Yeah..." Was all he could muster, more shame being piled on, "I... I'm so sorry guys, you believed in me and- I just- I went and messed it all up!-"

"Hey, hey..." His dad suddenly got in front of his son, putting both hands on his shoulders and looked down at him like he was still little, still his tiny boy, "You didn't mess up, you were just human... we don't want you to be perfect, and we never expected you to be, we... I want you to know that this... this is something you will get over. And the life you will live will be so magical. You're not in this alone..."

His heart shattered into a million pieces, and if Grian wasn't out of tears, he would break down right there.

Staying strong, the addict, the son, the friend... the person who was so much more than just his addiction smiled for the first time in a good while and whispered a weak, "thank you..."

Hoping that somehow, someway, his father managed to read the novel of words that were hidden between the lines. With the way his eyes sparkled and a contagious smile grew on his aged face, he got it.

Suddenly, a voice interrupted, "why did you choose now of all times to tell us...? I mean, I'm glad you did but... why not sooner?"

Grian thought for a long time about this, before something caught his eye. The bottle of alcohol still stood on the counter, long forgotten by everyone but one. The smallest boy walked towards it and held it in his hands, carefully, "because I... I was so sure I could handle it by myself but... I couldn't. And I don't trust myself to not drink this so I- I wanted to ask if you guys could... maybe, possibly... I don't know, lock this away? I just- Gah, I know it's dumb, I should be able to control myself-"

"Lock it up?" His father asked with such a tone that even the idea offended him. Here it comes... "I'm getting rid of this and all of the booze for as long as you stay! We can go without a drink if it means that you're okay, right guys?"

Both of his siblings instantly started agreeing, with no hesitation whatsoever, "yeah! Whatever you need!"

The young man wondered if the shock feeling would ever disappear but it seemed like his family couldn't help but surprise him at every turn. Maybe all the thoughts in his head, guessing all the horrible things that were going to happen, were just... thoughts. Maybe... he didn't need to question everything...

All of a sudden, Scar and his mom walked into the room mid-conversation, stopping in their tracks at the scene in front of them. The brunet began, cutting through the silence, "did we uh... did we miss somethin-?"

Grian ran at them and pulled them both into a massive hug, squeezing them so tight that they couldn't deny it. Not like either was going to, instantly wrapping their arms around him, accepting their fate as the entire family joined in, just happy that things... while not perfect, were getting better...

Chapter Text

Now, the dirty blonde has never Ever been a morning person. It has been something he's always struggled with. So no matter how much Scar shook and prodded him, he wasn't budging.

"Grian, come on, it's Christmas!" The man's excited voice rang through his ears like a lullaby but with the lull of sleep still in control, it was more like a mosquito's buzz.

"I'm not getting up... too early..."

"Ughhh!" The brunet exclaimed, slumping and falling upon his friend, "You're impossible! How could you not be excited?"

"Because it's 7 am..." Grian grumbled out, face half into the pillow to try and banish any light.

With a huff and a puff, Scar eventually gave up. The more petite man could hear him throw on his inherited Christmas sweater before marching down the stairs. He knew his family would already be awake. If anybody could match the artist's excitement for the holiday, it would be them.

He must have dozed back to sleep because before he knew it, a small ball of energy was jumping up and down on the guest bed.

"Uncle Grian! Uncle Grian!" the high-pitched kid screamed as he woke the man up with a start.

Rubbing his weary eyes and sitting up slower than molasses, Grian's scratchy voice managed a, "hey Hermes..."

A small child with a head full of nearly white blonde hair grinned madly as he giggled to him, "I did it! Scar, I did it!"

Scar suddenly burst through the door and picked up the kid, who jumped off the bed into his arms, "Good job buddy! Thanks for waking up your uncle for me!"

Still delirious with exhaustion, the architect squinted his dark eyes at the brunet, "How dare you use my first cousin once removed slash nephew against me..."

The two giggled mischievously to themselves before scampering away down the stairs. Grian sighed as he slumped over in the bed. Guess it was time to wake up...

After grabbing something from his hiding place, he made his way down the stairs in his pyjama pants and ugly Christmas sweater. He was greeted by his whole family in the living room. Joel and his partners were on one couch, all in matching couples sweaters that were not serious whatsoever. Gifts had begun to be handed out, everybody getting different piles.

"Ah! Finally awake, are we?" As he passed a wrapped box to Jimmy, his dad joked, "We were about to start without you!"

Grian just grumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he made his way next to Scar, he was nearly bouncing with excitement. As presents got passed around, the architect noticed a certain someone trying to sneak a wrapped gift onto Grian's pile, "Wait, wait- You uh- You bought me something?"

"Well, of course!- I mean, no- Technically I made it, not bought it-" Scar began, stumbling through his words with an embarrassed glow.

"You made it?" The dirty blonde held the rectangular shape in his hand, being incredibly careful, "Goddamit! Now you're going to show up my gift!"

Using his other hand, he grabbed a smaller wrapped box from under his sweater and pushed it into the taller man's arms, "Oh!- you didn't have to-"

"I wanted to. I mean- God, this is the least I can do after everything we've been through. Plus, it's really nothing, so don't get your hopes up..."

Scar didn't wait any longer to rip open the paper. A gasp suddenly exited his mouth as soon as he realized what it was. It was a little booklet with multiple pictures inside. It was the two from various outings that the other must of scavenged around to find, probably asking all their friends for them. Posing with their Halloween costumes together, them with their finished model, pictures that Cub had taken in secret of them two laughing in class. Memory after memory, all here in physical form.

"I uh- I thought it would be nice if you had something that helped you remember me by," Grian uttered softly, not daring to look at him in the eyes, "Looking back it is so dumb-"

"I love it," Scar's eyes were filled with bittersweet love as he smiled, holding the pictures close to his chest, "Thank you..."

With pink dusting on his cheeks, the bashful man averted his gaze with a goofy smile on his face. Instead of dealing with that, Grian brought his attention back to his own gift from the other. Carefully peeling back the paper, he was met with a burst of colours. In his hands was a canvas. Not just any canvas, Scar's canvas.

He could tell it was Scar's canvas because there were doodles on the side of it from where he had gotten bored halfway through drawing the main piece. Which was amazing.

It was Grian. He had drawn the dirty blonde with so much detail and precision. Each oil paint brush stroke could be seen, every pencil lead sketch was evidence of how much care and attention was put into it. Every freckle was noticed, every line of his smile, like looking in a funhouse mirror except everything Grian was insecure about suddenly seemed beautiful.

He never knew somebody could ever look at him like this... he never it was even possible for somebody to 𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘦 him this much, let alone tolerate him...

"Oh- Oh, I'm sorry! Do you- Do you not like it? I tried my best-" Scar's frantic voice cut through the fog of thoughts in his head. When the architect looked up, he realized his vision was clouded with tears, he hadn't even noticed his eyes getting wet.

He quickly rubbed them away, making sure nothing had gotten onto the painting, "No- No, no, I- Gosh..."

Putting the gift down, he turned towards the brunet with a broad smile, "I love it! I love it so much!"

Suddenly, Grian lunged forward and tackled the man into a massive hug, sending them both toppling down to the floor, "It's perfect! This is the best gift I've ever gotten! God- How did you even- This is so amazing!"

Pulling his head back up, he cupped Scar's cheeks and with every piece of his heart uttered, "You're amazing."

His brown locks went everywhere as they lay on the floor as a raspy chuckle left his throat, his emerald eyes shining with pure joy. The way when he breathed it lifted the more petite man completely, the way the cheeks grew merry from the close contact, or how their heartbeats could be heard in their ears, and eventually, they became one.

Grian wanted to kiss him so badly. More than he's ever wanted anything else in his life.

"Ew, guys, get a room," Pearl's voice suddenly rang out.

Oh. Right. They weren't alone.

Trying to save himself from any more embarrassment, Grian quickly got up and picked up the canvas, "Can you really blame me for being excited? I mean, come on! Look at this!"

He showed it to all his family, who instantly started to share his wild excitement, showering Scar with compliments and questions. Who seemed to quickly get flushed from the attention.

"This is incredible! Where did you learn?"

"Oh uh- I'm self-taught actually-"

"No way! I refuse to believe it."

"How long did this take you?"

"Um, about uhhh... 6 hours maybe? I'm not sure, I've kinda been working on it on and off for the past month."

"Do you do digital art?"

That caught Scar completely off-guard.

Joel held the canvas in his hands and with a wide smile continued, "I would love to commission you!"

The brunet blinked, "like... for money?"

"uh- yeah, with money."

"Well! Of course!" He was practically bouncing off the walls and all Grian could do was smile as finally, things were starting to go right for his friend. It was a wonderful sight.

-

The rest of the night was spent with his family, eating until they couldn't anymore, laughing until everything hurt, and playing board games until they were screaming as loud as their throats would let them.

It was safe to say that the two were exhausted.

They trudged into their room after saying goodbye to the family for an hour, it now creeping into the early hours of the morning. Barely managing to get into something more comfortable, they still keep up a conversation, "Well, I guess you did end up keeping your promise."

Scar looked up from brushing his hair in the bedroom mirror, "Hm? What promise?"

"Don't you remember? We were decorating the house with my family and when I was being so sour about it, you promised that you'd give me the best Christmas ever 'if it's the last thing I do!'"

While his Scar impression was less than flattering, the sentiment still stood, "Oh yeah, gosh, that feels so long ago... So... you think I delivered?"

"Of course! This has honestly been the happiest I've been in years," As Grian spoke, he picked up the canvas that he had been keeping close, "I mean, look at this! I'm going to treasure this for the rest of my life! I'm probably going to get it framed and have it in my room until I'm like ninety."

"Well, even though I am a tad offended that you draw the line at ninety-one," The brunet chuckled out light-heartedly, "It was really nothing, if I could I would gift you the sun, the stars, the moon, and all the planets that exist. But that was a bit out of my budget..."

Grian tried to swallow down the butterflies that lay restless in his stomach as he got up and walked into the hallway, but then, a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks, "Aren't you missing something?"

Turning around, he found himself standing under a mistletoe held up by Scar, "Wha- Pfff- My god, Scar!"

"What? It's Christmas! Get in the festive mood with me," He replied with a sly smile and movement from his eyebrows.

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to kiss you like this-"

"Well, maybe I am crazy."

Grian crossed his arms across his chest and huffed, a smile still present on his face, "You're not letting me go until you get a kiss, are you?"

Scar's smug smile spoke for him.

With a half-hearted sigh, the smaller man leaned up on his tippy toes and planted his lips softly onto the other's cheeks, "Happy now?"

All confidence disappeared from the brunet's face, instead, it was filled with pure joy. His cheeks were a shade of deep red, a smile so wide it nearly reached his ears and he was giggling, a lot.

It was contagious how much joy he had, Grian knew that instantly as they giggled together, just like they were little kids.

-

Neither could sleep. It was normal for them though, seeing as they were two architect students that were mainly powered by coffee and power naps, so they often spent those restless nights leaning out the bedroom window, enjoying the sound of the wind rustling the leaves on trees.

"It's crazy that we're going back to uni soon," Scar uttered after the long duration of silence.

Grian looked over at him and watched as the stars lit up those emerald eyes of his, "Crazy how?"

"It's just... It's felt like I've been here for months, maybe even years. Plus my back definitely has loved sleeping on an actual bed for once," He spoke through a laugh.

"...How long have you been sleeping on that couch for...?"

That caught Scar completely off guard, "I- I don't, uh- Why makes you say that?"

"There are no other rooms in that apartment and I know you've lived there for a while now, you didn't really have to tell me to figure out you were couch surfing..."

The brunet stayed silent, maybe out of shame or embarrassment, but eventually...

"About two years... I started staying with them as soon as they discovered in the first year that I was living in motel rooms and even some more dangerous places. I'm just glad they're not that bothered about money because I physically can't work."

"Why- I'm sorry if this sounds awful to say but- Why didn't your parents help? Did they not give you some money or make sure you had a place to stay?"

Scar just shrugged his shoulders lazily, "Eh well, they never liked me studying abroad so... I just... I don't think they cared... something about the consequences of my actions and blah blah..."

The way his voice stayed flat and dry showed that the man was done. Not just done with his parents but done with being upset about it, or he didn't even know that it was something he should be upset at, numbing it with the proposal that it was normal. Either way, it broke Grian's heart.

"...why are you going back to them then...?"

"What?"

Scar finally broke his staring contest with the stars to snap his head in the dirty blonde's direction, startling him.

"Uh- I- I meant- I just thought because well... You seem to care for them so much, I mean, going back to say goodbye, helping with your sick dad, and I- What have they done for you? I just want to make sure that you're going back to people who care about you as much as you care about them..."

Instantly he uttered, "They're my parents! I have to care for them!"

"Well, you're their kid, don't they have to care for you too?"

Grian expect the brunet to lash out again, laying on defence on defence to shield his denial but instead... all emotion left his face and instead he looked away, to the stars like he wished to fly away, "maybe..."

"...you're still going back to them, aren't you?" The smaller man spoke like a silent plea.

Slowly and hesitantly, he nodded, "I have to... please understand if I could do anything different, I would in a heartbeat."

"I know..."

They stared up at the night sky, far away from the bustling city so they could see a few stars. The distant sound of cars could be heard but all they could hear was the buzzing of thoughts in their head. A layer of hopelessness rested heavily on their backs, wishing to anywhere, anybody else...

Suddenly, Scar grabbed Grian's hand and whispered, "I'm glad I got to spend the holidays with you though... I wish we could celebrate many more, just like this."

Rubbing his thumb across the back of his palm, the other muttered, "yeah, if only... maybe in another life..."

Chapter Text

Leaving his hometown was a bittersweet experience.

Of course, Grian had done this many times before but this was different, mainly because it proved that the passage of time was still ticking away, even though he would do anything to make it stop, even for just a second. Because he loved those few weeks between Christmas and the start of school when time doesn't exist, and because he was heavily in denial about Scar leaving not long after New Year's.

Obviously, he knew it was happening. Everything seemed to be a big red remainder about it, almost taunting him. But a part of him, the stupidest part of him wished that if he ignored it, pretending that it wasn't happening, then everything would be okay. Because he didn't want Scar to go. No matter how selfish that was, he couldn't control it, he wanted Scar to stay and live with him in his dorm so they could walk to classes together, study together, go to cafes and maybe even a cat cafe. But they couldn't because Scar was leaving in less than 2 weeks, whether they wanted it or not.

Scar took leaving a lot harder for different reasons. Mainly because he didn't want to say goodbye to the cats... and the family too, of course.

Grian's family probably got more upset about saying goodbye to the brunet than to either own son, giving him long hugs and even longer stalling with talks about staying safe and how 'their door is always open if you want to come back!'. His mom even gave them both tubs and tubs of meals and baked treats after finding out about their terrible university student diet.

The smaller man noticed that his beloved had been given the nicer Tupperware and smiled to himself. Just like he had predicted so long ago.

Eventually, after a lot of stalling, struggling to put all their stuff in the boot, and Cub telling them a hundred times that they should leave before the traffic got bad, they got into the car. Waving to his family, Grian felt a twinge of pain in his heart as he watched them fade away...

The drive was mainly uneventful, Scar was asleep in the front as his joints were acting up and he didn't want to be squashed in the back, Cub had his headphones in again, and Mumbo was in the back, knees to his chest due to being a tall pushover. It was strange to see Mumbo after what had happened in the treehouse. It was weird to think about it now like the memory was from somebody completely different. And he couldn't deny that he was ashamed of his behaviour, making him want to hide away and try and avoid his friend... again. But he didn't want to leave things like that, he wanted things to change.

Checking that Cub had both headphones this time, Grian blurted out, "So, uhh- How was your Christmas...?"

The lanky man took this chance to talk to him instantly, "It was good! We did the usual, you know? My mom finally got to bring out the Christmas pudding she's been working on, and Ma and I went to the Christmas market like we do every year."

"Aw man, wish I could have gone with! We just had dinner with my extended family and playing board games."

"Well, maybe you could! Maybe we could merge our Christmases like we used to do," Mumbo then nudged his childhood friend with his elbow, "Unless you're going to be doing something with Scar, of course."

Grian's smile suddenly disappears, "I... No, we won't be..."

"Hm? Why? Did... Did something happen?"

"No- I mean- No, no, everything is fine, I promise, just... he probably has plans, or... something..." He lied through his teeth. Mainly because it wasn't his place to say, Scar clearly hadn't told any of his other friends so why should he be the one to tell such a secret? Though there was an underlying reason. A part of him feels like if the words 'he's leaving' somehow left his lips then it would actually be true, be... real.

Mumbo clearly didn't believe him.

Shooting a glance over to the snoring brunet to make sure he was out cold, "I'm guessing you haven't told him about... you know?"

"...what?"

"You know, what we talked about in the treehouse...? About your feelings for-"

"Oh. Right," a hollow pit grew in Grian's stomach, "I... I did actually..."

Mumbo instantly sat up straight and turned all his attention towards him, like this was incredible news, the corners of his lips even rising slightly, "Oh! Really?"

"It didn't... I don't think he- he didn't even let me finish. He just- he looked so-... it didn't go well. We're..." Grian listened to the sound of the man sleeping, his steady even breathing, and wished deeply to be able to sleep next to him, "We're staying friends... probably for the best."

The small smile instantly disappeared, "I- What? I don't-... hm." The lanky man hummed before rubbing his chin with his index finger and thumb like he was trying to solve a puzzle.

Suddenly snapping out of his thinking mode, he blurted out, "Oh! Are you okay? I uh- That's a silly question I suppose-"

"No, no, I... I'm okay. I haven't slipped into old habits at least and... well, things haven't really changed thankfully, we don't talk about it, so we can just pretend that it never happened," Grian uttered like it was a good thing, but his twisted stomach spoke otherwise.

"But... it did happen..." Mumbo reached his hand out and put it on top of his friend's, "And you're hurting, aren't you?"

He didn't know what to say.

So he didn't say anything, because Mumbo already knew the answer to his question. Despite not understanding romance, he understood the feeling of rejection, even in other ways than what Grian was going through. They got through the traffic jam they were stuck in and wordlessly they knew the conversation was over, left to be settled for another time.

-

Scar watched as Grian walked up his dorm steps, seeming to be practically running, like he couldn't wait to be back, couldn't wait to be away from him...

He was probably overthinking things, he knew that. But that didn't stop his mind from spiralling as they made the short drive to their apartment. The thoughts continued to muffle his brain as he threw his bag onto the couch and sat on it, the springs and cold fabric so much more apparent. A dull ache of loneliness filled his hollow heart once he realized that he would never be able to sleep next to the love of his life ever again-

"Okay, it's been long enough, spill," Cub's voice suddenly popped his train of self-negative thought. Both Mumbo and he was standing in front of Scar, arms crossed over their chest like an intervention.

"Huh? What are you talking abou-"

"Oh come on, I know you like to act dumb but you're not fooling anyone."

"Seriously, I don't know what you're talking about!"

Cub sighed with disappointment heavy in his tone, reminding a bit too much of his dad, "You and Grian."

Instantly, his emerald eyes widened and his body tensed, "I don't- What about us?"

"He confessed to you, didn't he?" The raven-haired man spoke with such certainty. No matter how he answered, Cub knew the truth.

Mumbo gasped, "Were you eavesdropping on us talking in the car?"

"Jumbo, my friend, it is a very confined space, I have bad headphones, and it was kind of impossible not to," He paused before, "You guys really need to stop having your heart-to-hearts in my car if you don't want me hearing."

Scar ignored all that and paid all his attention to the tallest man in the room, "What- What did Grian say...?"

"Well... he said that you didn't let him finish his confession and- it just didn't go well..."

Shame and guilt hung heavy on his shoulders, like a weight that wanted to drag him down to the deepest darkest parts of the ocean, making him choke on his self-destructive tendencies. Scar supposed it was deserved, at least in his own eyes. He hated himself for ruining his one chance at happiness but he knew he wouldn't try and fix it, because what could he do?

Cub mumbled, "What happened? Why- Why didn't it go well?"

With his head in his hands, he could still feel the new weight on the couch as two people sat next to him. This wasn't how he wanted them to find out...

"I couldn't do that to him- I wouldn't, I couldn't, it just- it didn't feel like the right time-"

"Don't try that excuse with us or with yourself. You've been helplessly pining for this man for an entire year, ever since you first laid eyes on him you started practising how to confess your feelings. But the moment he tells you that he feels the same, what? Did you panic? Freak out?"

"Yes! Fine, yes I panicked, I was irrational and so So stupid, but I did what I had to do, he had to know," Scar rambled

"Know what?!" Cub's patience was wearing thin, both of them knew that. They were going to find out sooner or later anyway.

"I'm leaving for America... in less than two weeks."

...

"WHAT?!"

-

As he explained everything, from his sick dad to his mom calling and texting him constantly, their frantic questions slowly grew to a stunned silence, until the story ended and the friends just sat there quietly, almost somberly. Softly, Mumbo muttered.

"So... you're really leaving then..." His voice was filled with grief, disbelief, a terrible mix of both, "Do you... are you ever going to come back...?"

Scar hung his head in shame, "I... I don't know yet." He wasn't ever coming back.

Suddenly, an arm was slung around his shoulder as Cub spoke, "Well, you better! I don't know what I'm going to do without your snoring, hogging the couch, or stealing my stuff constantly."

"I thought you hated that stuff about me?"

"Oh I do, but I'd much rather have that than not have it at all," his best friend confessed with a sad smile, "When you come back, and I mean when not if, you will always have this place to come back to, got it? It's your place as much as it is ours."

The brunet's heartstrings got pulled and snagged as he tried desperately to keep it together, "Thank you..."

"Something I still don't understand though," Cub added, "Why did you turn down Grian?"

"I didn't! Well, I didn't mean to- I just- He had to know that I was leaving soon, I didn't want to get his hopes up for us to start dating just to have it end in heartbreak..." Scar explained, unable to look them in the eye, "I wanted to end things on good terms. I- I love him so much... I want him to be happier more than I want to be with him. I'd do anything to make that man happy, even if it means I'm not in his life..."

"That's nonsense!" Mumbo suddenly blurted out, getting everybody's attention, making him cower a little bit, "I mean- uh- I just... I've known Grian longer than both of you, I know him, and the happiest I've ever seen him is when he's next to you..."

Scar felt his heart beating faster, "...yeah?"

"Of course! And I know that the happiest you've been is when you're with him, I mean, all you two talk about is each other, everything always seems to go back to Grian with you."

The smitten man looked down at his hands, where they used to be interlocked with his other half's, to the friendship bracelet around his wrist and they both still wear and bit back a sob, "I- God, you guys really aren't making this easy for me, are you? I can't... I can't have him, why do you have to rub it in?"

His words held no bite as Scar used his cane to stand up and walked out, knowing if he stayed any longer he couldn't control his overflowing grief.

Chapter Text

The only thing illuminating Grian's work was a single cheap desk lamp that hurt his eyes.

He didn't even know how late it was, how long it's been since he's looked away from this darn architecture model but without Scar, it was so simple to fall back into his destructive habits. Not drinking, no, he would never go back to that. Instead, he was overworking himself until his hands were possibly shaking from exhaustion and he was so hungry that his stomach hurt, which was... better than drinking, right?

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. At least not anymore.

It wasn't like he could go to sleep anyway. Despite how many times he has rubbed at his eyes or yawned in the past hour, he knew it would be impossible to go to sleep without Scar. Grian hated himself for getting dependent on the man's hugs and gentle snores but it was true, he just felt safer in the man's arms. Without him, he was just hollow, like a fake copy of himself, numb, draining loneliness that never left.

Grian missed Scar...

Would it be weird to call him? It was late but he... wanted to hear his voice...

Finally letting his eyes wander from his project to his phone. Picking it up with shaky hands, he saw that it was past 3 am. He couldn't do that to his friend, he was probably peacefully sleeping with Jellie, not missing him... With a sigh, he turned off his phone and accepted the long night of tossing and turning-

Suddenly, his dark eyes snapped to the canvas that hung proudly on his wall. It was the gift Scar had given him. Each pencil mark and paint stroke showed that he did care, why would the dirty blonde think otherwise? Grian knew the artist, if he found out that his friend couldn't sleep, he would come over and talk to him until he slipped to sleep because he was just that amazing... And besides, they didn't have much time left together... wouldn't it be nice to maybe... sleep next to him again? Who knew when the next time Grian would have a good night's sleep after his soulmate leaves?

His half-broken phone only rang a few times before on the other side, a groggy voice could be heard. It tug on the architect's heartstrings and left butterflies in his stomach. It was embarrassing that even the sound of his crush's voice left him with rosy cheeks.

"Hello?" Scar whispered, clearly trying not to wake his roommates.

"Sorry- did I wake up?"

"No, no, I... I was awake," He sounded exhausted but Grian knew that he was telling the truth. Maybe Scar couldn't sleep either...

"... this is so out of the blue- and it's perfectly okay if you don't want- I just- I want-" The student paused for a second, collecting his thoughts, "I know it's late but... can I stay with you tonight? I don't want to be alone..."

"Of course," Scar declared, without a single hint of hesitation in his voice, like he had been silently hoping that Grian would ask.

-

Scar quietly unlocked the door, making sure that his keys didn't tattle with the number of keychains he had on them, and opened it up to see his best friend in the doorway.

His hair dripped, his clothes were darkened by the heavy rain pouring outside, and it looked like he had just gone out as soon as he could, with barely even a jacket to his name. The brunet instantly led him inside, closing the door as silently as he could, "Do you not own an umbrella?"

"I didn't realize it was raining..."

Grian walked past him and instantly took off his damp hoodie, completely soaked with water to see that his shirt had also become drenched. As he cursed under his breath, Scar quickly sprung to action, instantly taking off his shirt and throwing it into the other's arms.

"Here, you can have my shirt."

"O-Oh! Are you um- Are you sure? I don't mind-"

"Eh, don't worry about it, I usually sleep shirtless anyway."

"Oh, do you now?"

With red tints on his ears, Grian made his way to the cosy little area his hot friend had made for them, putting on the oversized shirt instantly, watching as it hit the middle of his thigh. In front of the couch, Scar had placed down all the blankets he could find as padding from the carpet and all the couch pillows were in a massive pile by one side, where Jellie was sleeping soundly.

He didn't even have to ask to lie down, knowing that the man would join him soon after, like an unspoken rule. Grian already felt more at peace, or at least the exhaustion that weighed heavy on his body finally started to set in as his body grew limp, putting all his weight into the blankets, how long had it been since he's felt this safe?

As he expected to happen, a weight suddenly could be felt next to him and before he knew it, big comforting arms wrapped around him, somebody's nose nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Grian practically melted into the touch, even though it hadn't even been that long since the last time they'd been this close, it was like his body was waiting for that touch to finally let all his anxiety leave his body.

"I don't know what I'm going to do when you leave..." The words left the smitten man's mouth before he could even control it, falling out like sand between his fingers.

The sentence lay heavy in the air, like a blanket of grief that wouldn't budge.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you..." Scar mumbled into the night, like a confession, "I... I wish we had more time... I barely have a week left- Time has just been going too fast and- and I don't know what to do-"

"Hey, hey..." On instinct, Grian wrapped his arms around his beloved, "You're okay... I’ve got you now, nothing will happen to you while I’m here. Just focus on me, not on the future, all that matters is now...”

"I don't want to leave- please- please don't make me go-"

"You know I don't want you to go..."

"I like it here- please don't make me leave-"

The brunet's breath wavered and grew sharp, unable to hear anything his soulmate was saying, but he was trying to keep it together, holding on so tight like it was the last time. The other didn't say anything when he felt droplets on his shirt as they held each other tightly. He knew what Scar needed was for him to be there, and Grian was perfectly okay with staying right where he was...

-

Cub walked into the living room just as Grian woke up. The two made awkward eye contact as the dirty blonde realized the situation he had gotten himself into.

"Uh... Hi Cub..." Was all he could mutter out as he ducked into Scar's shirt, "I uh- I can explain?"

Just as he was saying that Bdubs and... Etho walked out of his room, clearly trying to be stealthy and quiet as they crept to the front door and- Instantly realized everyone in the room had their full attention, well, except for the brunet who was peacefully snoring. Bdubs instantly grew five shades of red, "Oh! Cub you're uh- you're up early! I uh... I can explain. Etho and I were uh- We were just um..."

Etho and Grian made eye contact and gave each other a small wave, a silent agreement to not mention this again.

Cub looked from the two couples with just stunned silence, mouth ajar, like he was outraged. Slowly, he brought his hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose. After a heavy and drawn-out sigh, "I'm going back to bed..."

Just as the tired man left, Scar started to stir awake, "Hghm? What... is going o- Oh hey Etho."

Grian wanted to hide away forever.

-

After that night, it became common for Grian to pop over to the apartment.

It became more and more common as the days went by, their last day together looming overhead made them cling to each other like magnets. Soon, it was more normal to see the architect at the apartment, sitting with Scar on the couch, usually limbs over each other, as they watched movie marathon after movie marathon. University kind of went to the back of both of their minds, some things... some things were just more important.

Not that Scar minded, he often took any chance he could to skip school.

Though he was starting to get annoyed at how everybody was treating him. All his friends were acting weird around him, whispering, and watching his every move. The brunet tried to dismiss it because he knew he would be a hypocrite. He's been trying so much to be okay or at least pretending to. Maybe it was a defence mechanism, maybe... he just didn't want to think about the fact that he only had a day left...

He was enjoying waking up with Grian in his kitchen, making himself a piece of toast and a cup of coffee, so that when he got up he could steal a bite, making them jokingly bicker. And then they would hang out with Mumbo, Cub, Bdubs, and now even Etho in the living room, sometimes playing video games or board games. They were trying to make the most of the time they had left...

Why couldn't he stop thinking about it?! Scar didn't want to think about it, so why did his mind keep on wandering to it? Maybe he was trying to stray away from those thoughts because if he thought about it longer than a few minutes, he might change his mind. The artist was uncertain, scared, alone-

"Scar?"

The brunet had been sitting outside on the balcony for... well, he didn't know. He had been staring at the cars passing by for so long that everything had become just a blur of colours and lights. His eyes had long since glazed over, he didn't even realize how long it's been since he blinked until he looked up at Cub in the doorway and they ached from dryness.

"...what are you doing awake?" Scar asked, barely under a whisper to not wake up Grian who was sleeping soundly in the living room.

"I could ask you the same question," Was all Cub said as he sat down next to his friend and watched the street below with him. Even though it was past the dead of night, it was still so loud and bustling, though that was normal was London.

"How are you holding up...?" His raven-haired friend uttered.

"I'm..." The words lost themselves on his tongue, and with his mind wracked with sleep deprivation he found it difficult to lie, "I am- I'm trying... I-I don't know what else to say to that but... I am... Trying my best to... keep it together."

Slowly, Cub placed a hand on Scar's shoulder, not squeezing it or anything, just resting his hand there like a constant presence, "You... don't have to keep it together... it's okay to be upset..."

Biting his lip to hold back the tears that tried to escape, he shuddered, "I- I can't just- Everyone is already miserable, I don't- I didn't want to bring everyone down even more..."

"We are sad because what is happening is sad- God, it's more than sad, it's devasting!" His friend's voice grew louder to try to not let his point get drowned out by the sound of cars, "You are leaving! Maybe even forever- Just- Stop thinking about everyone else for a second, nobody is going to be mad at you if you do."

"Why wouldn't they? That's so selfish!"

"They're your friends Scar. They'd understand..."

The words settled themselves deep in the lines of his heart. Of course, they would understand, they were the best people he knew, and if he ever broke down they would be right there to help. And yet he's giving away their generosity to help people who would never do the same for him...

Scar leaned over to his right and placed his head on the man's shoulder, all his weight instantly sinking as an arm wrapped around him, "Are... are you going to be okay...?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well..." Cub began, words spoken with careful precision, "I know that when we met, you... you weren't doing the best, like, Really not doing good and... I know your parents suck- and don't try to tell me otherwise, I've heard those 'funny' childhood stories you used to tell before you realized everyone would ask if you were okay afterwards..."

The brunet didn't say a word. Maybe it was bad he couldn't think of any words to say to justify them...?"

"And-and I'm worried! I'm worried that one day your calls are gonna stop and I- I would have no idea if you were safe or if you've done something dumb and... I worry a lot, you know that. So I want you to promise me that you're going to be okay."

"Cub-"

"Promise me Scar! I won't take any excuses."

"...I don't think I can promise that..." He knew it wouldn't take long to break that promise, "I can't promise that I'll be okay but... I'll promise not to do anything dumb, okay?"

His friend, his closest friend's eyes grew wet as his frown deepened, "No- I-... You travelled miles to get away from them and now- God-... Fine... I- You better keep that promise, and call too-"

"I will, I'll be calling you every day."

"Make it every hour and I'll be happy."

"Okay, okay... every hour it is."

They fell into a comfortable silence as they listened to the sound of drunken people slurring out melodies down the street or angry couples arguing in the apartment a few floors up. He would miss this... Despite how loud this city was, he preferred it to the quietness of the suburban area he lived in.

Just as his thoughts started to drift away from him, Scar was interrupted by a tickle of fur brush against his arm. Looking down his eyes met with Jellie, his beloved stray cat.

"Are you going to be taking her with you?" Cub asked as the feline made her way into her owner's lap.

"I-" The brunet began but then his shoulders drooped, "I can't... My mom doesn't like animals so I... Is there any way you could take care of her-"

"Of course! You don't even have to ask man, I'll be sure to send pictures but I know for certain she's going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss her too..." He confessed as his hands absentmindedly run his fingers through her fur, making sure to scratch her chin.

"Well, I'd hope you miss all of us," The student joked softly.

"You know well damn I'm going to miss you all so much! I'm gonna miss even the dumbest things like the weird trivia you know or Mumbo explaining his engineering projects as 'simple', and Grian's-..."

All his thoughts short-circuited and fizzled out as flashes of Grian's face after he found out Scar was leaving. The heartbreak, the devastation, all the pure anguish that still hadn't left the poor man's face since that day... The brunet hung his head in shame, guilt weighing heavy on his shoulders.

"And... Grian?" Cub spoke quietly, his eyes burning into his friend's skull, "...what are you going to do about Grian?"

"I- I don't know..." And that was the full and honest truth.

"I mean... Long distance isn't so bad... And you guys- You could make it work-"

"I can't-... I can't do that to him. Lead him on into a relationship that just makes us miss each other more and more until it eventually breaks- I- I want things to end on good terms, I don't want to hurt him like that..."

"Scar... if you end things the way they are, then you will hurt him..."

Scar felt like he couldn't breathe, each word digging deeper and deeper into his delicate heart, but the worst part was that Cub was right. And that just made it all hurt so much more.

"I'm worried that every single day of your life you're going to regret letting this chance pass you by, and you're going to wake up one day and wonder what could have been..." Even though his friend's words were harsh, it was needed...

"...I think I could live without him..." Scar confessed into the night, quiet enough that only the two could hear, "I mean, I have before, I survived nearly a quarter of my life without him in my life but-... but I don’t want to go back to that. I don’t ever want to. I don’t think I can see myself with anyone other than him now, he has taken up nearly every thought in my head. He... he makes me feel like I'm worth something... and that's a feeling I have no idea what to do with... What do I do with that Cub?"

The coldness of the January brushed past the two, causing goosebumps to rise on their skin but it goes unspoken about as they stare into each other's eyes. The two friends, the ones that had been nearly at the hip for the past year, the ones that told each other nearly everything, a duo, now felt this... stillness that was never there before.

"...I can't make that decision for you Scar..." Standing up from the floor, he turned to the door, "But I think you already know what you need to do..."

Walking back into the apartment, Scar was left outside to stare up at the star with a head so full, it felt like it could burst...

Chapter Text

Grian... wasn't okay.

He tried his best to be, put on a happy face so Scar didn't feel guilty for leaving, which was the last thing he wanted. Scar had to do this, trying to make him stay wasn't healthy. But God did it hurt...

Maybe it wasn't healthy to think about how they could run away together. Catch a train to the North and live in a studio apartment with cat toys scattered around, because, of course, they would bring Jellie. Scar could do his art with big windows to look at the landscapes for reference and Grian... Well, he was happy to do anything if it meant he didn't have to say goodbye.

Scar wasn't meant to be this important to him.

Once, he was just the strange guy next to him when all Grian was trying to do was keep his head down and work. And now... he hadn't thought about university at all, every single thought in his head was about Scar. Every single one.

He had promised not to date again, not let his feelings get the better of him and look at him! Grian had broken his own heart and put his crush over schoolwork. Even if Scar did stay, they might not have lasted, then where would he be? Right back at square one.

It was the last day.

After one more sleep, the man he had been infatuated with for the past months will be gone. Maybe even forever. Nothing was stopping him from blocking everybody, including the architect. Going completely no-contact, leaving Grian alone with no closure, no will to keep trying-

"I know that face, you're overthinking, aren't you mate?" Mumbo's voice popped into his dissociation bubble as he walked into the kitchen where Grian leaned against the counter.

"Uh, yeah I guess..."

"...would it be a dumb question to ask what you're thinking about?"

"...I was wondering how I should have seen this coming..." The dirty blonde's voice was small, filled with defeat and hopelessness.

"Seen what coming?"

"Scar leaving," The words felt heavy on his tongue, "What feels like a century ago- I- I made him promise not to leave me- I shouldn't have made him promise me that- I got attached and now... god, I'm pathetic-"

"Hey, come on... That's not fair. Bad things happen to the wrong people, you know that. Nobody could have seen this coming, not Scar, and definitely not you."

As Mumbo uttered those words, he wrapped an arm around the other, resting it on his friend's shoulder like a gentle presence. If on instinct, Grian leaned into the touch, warm and soft like sitting by the radiator after a rainy day. He was glad that even if his world was falling apart, he had his friend to ground him.

"This sucks..." He breathed out, feeling his heart stutter, "I- What do I even do now? What if I relapse? Or I start to lose myself again, I- I don't want that to happen."

"You won't, I promise, I'm still going to be here..."

Mumbo patted Grian's back reassuringly and they stood in silence for a moment, both lost in their thoughts. Then suddenly, the sound of a shakey breathing cut through the bubble as the young man put his head in his hands, fighting back violent tears.

“I wish I realised how I felt about him earlier. Maybe we could have gone on dates... been... together. And now-" Grian laughed wetly, tears running down his cheeks, "And now... that'll never happen. And- And it’s funny because I’m missing something that was never meant to be in the first place...”

“I know it hurts, but you’ll get through it. I promise...” The words sounded so fake, mainly because it was so difficult to imagine.

"How could I ever be okay again? What if nobody looks at me the way Scar does...? Falling in love feels like a unique type of vulnerable, and I don’t- I don’t want to feel that way.”

Mumbo just listened, knowing that all these feelings must have been building up for a while. He didn't do much more than gently rub circles into his back when the tears started to pour down, just so Grian knew he was still there.

"Just the thought of going through the basics of small talk and getting to know someone when Scar already knows nearly everything about me sounds awful. I don't even know if I could do it again. Maybe one day I won't even be able to tell if I like someone or I'm just lonely and need somebody to sleep next to for the night to try and fill the space Scar will leave..."

"And I hate that I feel this way!" Grian continued, getting more upset with every word, "I can't justify these feelings to myself when Scar is going through worse. And I know you're upset as well, you're losing your friend, I-I'm not the only one he's leaving behind- I should know that."

"And-And-" The words got jumbled up in his throat, all trying to come out at once until all that was left was the truth. The man's heart ached at the realization that...

"I... I don't want to be alone again. Not 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 again..."

Suddenly, a warm hand squeezed his shoulder, bringing him back down to earth from the fog of fear and uncertainty that made it hard to feel real. Mumbo's sad eyes tore right through him as he uttered simply, "You are not alone."

“No one’s asking you to get over this immediately. Take as much time as you need and heal. Not just about this but... the other stuff as well...” The lanky man spoke with certainty that eased the thorns in his throat, "And... I'm sure we wouldn't mind if you stayed here for a bit... just so you don't have to be alone..."

"...I'd like that..."

-

The farewell party was bittersweet.

It was just Scar's friends and him. The household that lived there, Etho, False, and Tango. The people who deserved a proper farewell.

He didn't make it anything special, even if they deserved more than this, but they seemed happy. Drinking non-alcoholic beverages, for obvious reasons, from plastic cups and telling dumb stories with smiles on their faces. Sat on the floor that had been through hell and the couch that put his back in hell, music playing in the background but unable to be heard over heartwarming laughter that lasted even as the sunset.

Scar watched from the sidelines, silently sipping his drink so he had an excuse not to talk. He wanted to! He really did but... all he felt was numb. He felt like a ghost, an entity that people didn't recognise was there at all, at least Scar didn't feel like he was there, a type of dissociation that wouldn't leave. Maybe it was better this way, with him not being there at all...

Even listening to the stories of the things they have done together left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He wanted to be happy. He wanted to smile because it happened at all, not feel so hollow inside at the thought of never feeling as good as he did in those distant memories. The idea of all things coming to an end wasn't something he was ready to come to terms with.

"Scar?" Cub rested a hand on his shoulder, a silent way of reassuring him, "You got any stories?"

"Uh..." Scar's mind went blank but tried desperately to fit something together to keep up with the facade of happiness, "Ah well, how could I forget the time we pranked nearly everyone in the uni in the first year."

"Oh yeah!" The raven-haired man grinned ear to ear, "We had been planning, plotting you might say, for days, I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out."

"Yeah, me too..."

He watched his friends as they smiled and laughed, talking about the pranks that got pulled on them or something- Scar got so lost in his mind that it was impossible to hear properly like his ears were filled with cotton. He needed them to know, he wanted them to know how much they meant to him before it was too late-

"Actually I uh- I want to say a few things to everyone."

All eyes were on Scar as soon as the foolish words came out of his mouth. It was hard to ignore the tickle in his throat as he put on a smile.

"I want to say thank you for uh... well for everything! For your friendship, homework help and of course my roommates for letting me use their couch for nearly two years now. It's uh... it's crazy how time flies, isn't it?"

His green eyes darted around the room, trying desperately to not look anybody in the eye, especially Grian's that he knew were burrowing their way into his havoc-riddled head.

"You all were so nice to me when I knew nobody and- and when I was so alone, eating alone in the corner and- I just-" Keep it down, keep it calm, don't break down now, "I wish there was a way I could repay you all for your kindness but I'll never forget your generosity or your- your patience or your..."

He locked eyes with Grian. And it was like he could feel the world start to be pulled away from him.

"Or the love you have shared with me, whether it was deserved or not, I might not know but... Thank you for believing I just- I might."

Raising his plastic cup, he averted his gaze to the sky.

"Cheers to all of you!" His grin grew wider as his eyes grew wetter, "For- for being amazing friends and-and I... I-I'm going to miss you so much- So goddamn much-"

Scar noticed everyone's reactions before he even noticed the tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. Everyone instantly came to his side as more and more tears started to flow, now uncontrollable. They held onto him with dear life, and even with his vision clouded, he could see how everybody else's eyes were starting to water.

"I- I'm sorry- I don't know why I'm-"

"Stop apologising," Cub's voice cut through the fog in his brain, "You have 𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 to apologize for."

And with those simple words, that small phrase, Scar became inconsolable.

His lungs wrapped tightly with thorns, and his body broke down, unable to keep in all the emotions that filled his fragile heart. His face was wet, his hands shook as he tried to hug as many people as possible, not wanting to let any of them go. His heart- It hurt- It hurt so much it just made the violent sobbing even worse, in ways he didn't even know possible.

The farewell party was bittersweet.

The background music underneath cries of pain and anguish. Friends huddled together for the last time, comforting the person they all collectively cared for the most, nobody wanting to be the first person to let go, not even to wipe their tears. They didn't need to say anything for Scar to know that he was loved...

-

It became obvious, even as the sunset turned into pitch black and the hours dragged on later and later, that nobody was leaving.

They all wanted to be there to see their friend leave, because even though they wanted to believe so badly that one day he would come back... something told them that it was unlikely...

So they made a massive nest of pillows and blankets and one by one, began passing out. Scar, however, left for Cub's room, wanting to at least get some proper sleep for his early wake-up. Grian couldn't ignore the way he looked embarrassed as he left, apologizing again and again for crying, like feeling emotions deserved judgement.

Or maybe he was just overthinking things. There wasn't much else to do as the only one still awake at this horrible hour. He had known since the beginning that he wouldn't--couldn't--go to sleep at a time like this but that didn't stop him from trying. Thoughts ran rampage through his head, the idea of being alone, cold, of sleeping on the same couch his beloved had rested his head on for however long it took to learn how to be okay.

With a heavy sigh, Grian stood up.

Tip-toeing around the sleeping bodies, trying not to wake anybody, he made his way to Cub's room.

Even from a distance, he could see the light shine from underneath the door. It was like a beacon in the darkness of the corridors, giving his legs the strength to keep putting one in front of the other. Hesitantly, slowly, and with fear coursing through his body, Grian quietly knocked on the door.

A long drawn out silence filled the air before-

"come in..."

A whisper, barely audible if it wasn't for the stillness of the night. Gently pushing open the door, Grian spotted his one and only sat on the edge of the bed, hair sprawled out in different directions, red replacing the whites in his eyes, contrasted by the purple bags underneath them. Scar didn't look okay, not even a sad smile to spend to try and convince the other otherwise.

"I thought it would be you..." His voice was hoarse, rough, and filled with an endearment that could melt anybody's icy heart.

"I..." Grian started before realizing he had no idea what he was doing. Instead of justifying his actions or his feelings, he decided to tell the truth. There was no more time to be anything less than completely honest, shame or embarrassment could wait, "I-I can't sleep if you're not there to hold me..."

Wordlessly, Scar raised his arms and beckoned him over. The smaller man fell effortlessly into the embrace, bodies slotting together like puzzle pieces as they fall onto the bed, "...me neither."

The two men lay on the bed with aches in their hearts and a grip that couldn't be broken. But right now, they enjoyed the warmth that spread from each other, enjoying the way that when they were together they felt whole like everything was exactly how it was meant to be, enjoying the now... And only right now as the future didn't exist.

With a struggle, Grian sat up, because he knew, for better or for worse, that this was probably the last time he could say what he wanted, "I- I know I'm awful for saying this because-... but I- I... I don't think I can do this without you Scar..."

The brunet just stared with his green eyes filled with pain, "You have me."

"I 𝘏𝘢𝘥 you... you're leaving, how- I just- It might be hard for you to be there 300 miles away..."

"I- I'll call you all the time and-and-..." Even as Scar talked, doubt and uncertainty couldn't help but seep into his face.

"You know it isn't the same..."

"I know... but isn't it nice to imagine that everything will work out? I'd rather think that no matter what, somehow we always find our way back to each other... I know it's stupid-”

"No, no- I-... I like to think about that as well. We run away together, leave all of this behind, and make a new life together where it's only the two of us in some studio apartment-”

"With a small kitchen filled with mini cactuses and large windows?"

Grian stared down at the man, noticing how over time their hands had become intertwined, completely subconsciously, "yeah... exactly."

"If the world was perfect then we would have an apartment that was close to the uni and-and when you finish we move closer to your family, going for dinner every weekend and-... I can stay," As the beauty talked, the smallest of smiles grew on his broken lips that had been nearly bitten raw.

"...but the world isn't perfect so I guess I'll just miss you instead..."

To try and combat his eyes, despite having no more tears to cry, watering he rested his head on Scar's chest, listening to his uneven heartbeat like a lullaby. Slowly, a calloused hand started to run their fingers through his dirty blonde hair, so gently like he was scared of breaking him.

Grian uttered softly, wanting to ease that worried heart, "It was nice while it lasted though, wasn't it?"

"It was magical, my songbird..."

As their heartbeats become one steady note, the architect tried so hard to fight his heavy eyelids, not wanting to miss a single second they had left. But with the man's gentle hands and slight humming, eventually, he let down his guard as he knew that he would be safe...

-

It was difficult to get the sleeping man off him without waking him up. It was even more difficult when you don't want to stop holding him close to you.

But Scar's worst fears were becoming true. He was having second thoughts.

So, he was packing his things and leaving. His hands shook violently as tried to neatly fold and place every item, messing them up enough to start over. He was messing things up, all he's ever known is to mess things up- Scar didn't own a lot, only enough for a single backpack and suitcase, but as he silently zipped it up, it felt like he had been at it for hours. He didn't want to do this-

He couldn't leave like this. Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen, Scar began writing.

And when he was done he turned back towards his love, sleeping soundly like nothing was happening. Gently, he tucked a strand of hair behind the dirty blonde's ear, making sure that everything was okay, he had to be okay- Getting down on his knees by the edge of the bed, the brunet watched Grian sleep, his breathing even and slow, peaceful. He would miss this...

With a voice barely over a whisper, he confessed, "I love you..."

He knew there was no way the other could have heard but a part of him, the stupidest part of him hoped that he did. Leaning over, the artist placed a lingering kiss on his forehead, ignoring the way his entire body shook, "Goodbye my dear..."

With shaking legs that longed for rest, the man stood up. Making his way to the door with luggage in hand, he couldn't help but look back.

He gave the love of his life one last look, trying to capture every single detail of Grian's face so he could never forget.

And then, with a broken heart.

Scar left.

Chapter Text

Grian's eyes fluttered open to the sun rising through the blinds. He felt terrible.

It was like there was a hollow pit in his stomach, an empty ache in his heart, and a nightmare of thoughts in his head. The grasp of heavy depression whispered for him to go back to sleep, to stay in this uncomfortable bed forever but he wouldn't--couldn't--let those thoughts win this time.

With a heavy sigh, the architect woke up slowly and groggily, shivering, arms covered in goosebumps. He was so cold... Why was he so cold? He tried to turn around to hold onto Scar for warmth like he always did but he was met with an empty bed.

"Scar?" Grian blurted out involuntarily.

He looked around the room hastily but his heart only sunk further down when he saw that he was alone. Completely alone.

He was up in an instant, standing up on wobbly legs that hadn't even woken up yet. Opening the bedroom door his dark eyes scanned the living room but there was no sign of the brunet. His feet were instantly moved, one in front of the other as he checked every single room. Not in the bathroom, nor anybody else's rooms, nor in the kitchen, all his stuff was gone, it was like he just... left.

Grian's heart pounded painfully in his chest until it was the only thing he could hear.

This couldn't be true. This can't be real!

Rushing back to the room, the architect couldn't even register that he had woken up half the apartment as he quickly grabbed his phone and rang his beloved.

"The number you are trying to call is currently unavailable-"

A choked sob escaped from his throat as he hung up. This felt like a horrible nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. No matter how he wished to be pulled out of this dream and be comforted by Scar, he wasn't there. And he might not ever see him again. Grian's eyes wandered to the clock on the wall, it was 9:30. Scar would be boarding his plane in less than an hour. And then he was gone for good.

He wanted to scream or throw his phone until it shattered into a million pieces but instead, he punched the nearest wall and bit down his lip to hold back his tears, hard enough to bleed, "𝙁𝙪𝙘𝙠!"

Why didn't Scar wake him? Why would he do this to him? Did Grian mean nothing to him?

As he tried to get air in his lungs, he noticed his surroundings, grasping for anything to ground himself. On the bed, there was a piece of paper that looked like it had been ripped from a notebook. Picking it up, he instantly recognised the brunet's handwriting. It was covered in crossed-out words and scribbles like he was working for hours to try and find the right words to use.

And yet, it was written so beautifully. Maybe it had to tribute to the love stories he read or it all flared from his creative heart. Or maybe, just maybe, it was what he truly thought...

'Grian,

I don't know what to write, or what to do. Despite drifting through my entire life, filled with couch-surfing and one endeavour I hated to the next, I have never felt this lost. I have this nagging fear that no matter what I do it's going to be wrong.

We are the unfortunate story of people who met at the wrong time and in the wrong place. And there's nothing we can do to change that unless I lose my family or you uproot your entire life. I don't want to force either one of us to make that difficult choice so I am leaving. When you read this I will be gone. I don't want to say the final goodbye, a part of me knows that if I saw your face, or if you even whispered for me to stay, I would in a heartbeat without even a slither of hesitation.

Grian, I love you. You are the person I wish to share my last breath with and it pains me more than death to see us part. I wish I had told you sooner, maybe this wouldn't hurt as much then, or maybe it'd be so much worst. There are a lot of things I regret not doing, like not being able to talk to you face to face, or not buying you flowers, and not running away from my problems like a coward, but I can say with full honesty that meeting you was the 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 thing that's ever happened to me.

On a sunny day, I hope to orbit closer to your world again. I hope our paths collide and we are thrown back into this life we have made for each other, the life I have envisioned for so long. But maybe that's not what you want anymore...

I know what I am doing is selfish but I hope somehow, at some point, you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I know I have already hurt you with my own fears and worries and I'm just so sorry. Words cannot describe how much I want to make it up to you but I hope that this will be enough.

I hope to see you again, my songbird.

Thinking of you always,
Your Scar'

Holding the paper tightly in his hands, it crumbled and wrinkled, ruining it with the tears that fell onto the paper.

Grian had to sit down, he was shaking so terribly that it was impossible to see straight. He... He couldn't leave things like this. He couldn't, he wouldn't! But there was no way to reach Scar, how could he...? All those cafe study breaks, late night calls, those times when it felt like it was the two of them in the world, would it all be for nothing?

The dirty blonde's memories flashed to when he first met Scar. It felt like everything happened years ago, sharing pens and pencils in class as if it wouldn't bloom into the best months of his life. An awkward friendship that grew into love. Because Scar loved him, god... Scar loved him. And Grian loved him too, more than he could ever explain but... just maybe... he could try.

His eyes snapped back to the clock, watching as the seconds ticked by.

Before a realization hit.

"I can make it."

Not even bothering to get changed out of the sweatpants and hoodie he slept in, he forcefully shoved his feet into a pair of shoes, not even getting them past his heel before racing out of the bedroom.

His friends were still half-asleep in all their makeshift beds and sleeping bags, though Mumbo was the most alert as he watched Grian struggle to get the door open, "G, what's going on? Where's Scar?"

"At the airport-" He quickly blurted out as he banged his hand against the door painfully, struggling to get the key in, "Goddammit!"

"Woah, woah, calm down," The lanky man tried his best to sound soothing as he stood up, placing a hand on his friend's trembling one, "What's happening?"

"Scar's plane leaves in an hour and if I don't go right now and tell him that I love him I might never be able to!"

All his words came out at once, jumbled in-between choked sobs and voice cracks.

A long silence filled the room

But then, he heard a tired, slow sigh from Cub.

"...alright, let me get my car keys."

-

Scar watched the people walking past.

It wasn't like he had anything else to do than watch people struggle with their suitcases and run to catch their flight. How long had he been here already? A few hours maybe? The pins and needles in his legs seemed to think so. He felt a bitter jealousy bubble away in his gut every time he saw the couples that giggled, hand in hand as they made their way to a honeymoon or whatever, he didn't care, he didn't-

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

Taking it out, he saw his mom calling him. Scar couldn't even deny the pain in his heart when he realized it wasn't somebody else... With a sigh, he picked up.

"Hello?" His harsh voice croaked out, exhaustion seeped into every word.

"Are you on the plane yet?" She sounded upset, it was one of those things Scar had learned to notice to make things easier for himself...

"No- Not yet, it's not for hours mom..."

"We really should have booked it sooner, I don't know how much I can take of your father's nonsense," She muttered, "I'm just glad you're on your way to care for him."

"Take care of him? He's out of the hospital?"

"Well yeah, I wasn't going to leave him in that place forever, those nurses have no idea what they're doing-"

"But- what are we supposed to do? We're not professionals, he could get worse!"

"Don't cut me off, you should know better than to cut me off, after everything I've done for you," the woman's voice was cold, almost chilling, "We are his family, the only ones he's got, we know what's best for him. Don't you want your father to be at home during his last days?"

"Mom-"

"You might think that you're better than us because you went to some fancy English university but-"

"I'm not trying to fight with you!" Scar tried desperately to talk loud enough that his mother couldn't speak over him while also not gaining the attention of everyone in the airport, "I- I'll take care of him..."

"Good, I have enough on my plate without worrying about that damn man."

Leaning back in the uncomfortable airport chair, he barely breathed out, "yep..."

And on and on she went, rambling for who knows how long about something that had happened to her, not letting her son get a single word in. Scar could practically feel his soul being drained at the thought of listening to this until the day he dies...

"Mom, got to go, I've uh- got to board the plane," He lied through gritted teeth, though thankfully his mother didn't notice, or maybe she just didn't care.

"Okay dear, we'll see you soon, I love you."

The silence afterwards was deafening.

"...love you too."

As soon as he hung up the call, he felt the rope around his neck loosen, finally giving him some space to breathe without feeling like he was stepping around broken glass. Turning off his phone to avoid the never-ending messages his mother might send him, telling him to hurry up like it was anything he could control. How could he take care of his dad when he could barely take care of himself? He didn't even know how to cook anything without burning it!

The thought of food was enough to make his stomach rumble violently. He couldn't even remember to feed himself...

When he stood up and grabbed his bag, something fell out of the suitcase he couldn't fully close. His green eyes watched as the photo frame fell and clattered onto the airport floor, face up.

Grian's face looked at him in the photo, staring into his soul with a smile he wished desperately to see again. Slowly picking up his Christmas gift, making sure that it wasn't damaged, god, if it was even slightly scuffed-

It was okay. Everything... was okay.

Scar let out a shaky breath, barely able to swallow down the sob crawling up his chest.

He didn't want to break down. He 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 break down. Not now, not here. He's come too far to start crying in the middle of the airport, heart in such little pieces that a gust of wind could break him more. He couldn't- he can't-

And yet.

Biting down hard on his arm to stop the tears from continuing to flow, Scar hid away in his hoodie and completely retreated away. Like a scared child.

His brain was suddenly thrown into a state of intrusive thoughts. Grian would never ever want to see him again after what he's done. His father could die on the flight back home and he would never be able to say goodbye. Or be able to tell him everything Scar has wanted to say to him for years, about how selfish his dad was, how for years all he wanted was for his father, his parent, to love him.

Not like it would do anything, it wouldn't make him feel better...

And Scar will probably hold his hand as the man who never raised him dies thinking that his son doesn't resent him, because who would beat a sick man while he was down? It didn't matter, that's what he told himself. He could spend a year or however long it took for the job of looking after his family was over.

His eyes wandered back to the photo in his hands. Grian looked so happy. It was a picture taken at the college party he barely remembered, arms wrapped around each other for balance and for feelings neither quite understood. Things were so much simpler then... Oh, how he dreamed for things to return to that state of young and dumb love that meant absolutely nothing.

But even if Scar turned away from his family and returned to the man's arms, it probably wouldn't ever return to that innocent state. And that was if Grian ever forgave him...

Letting out a shaky breath, the artist put back the photo frame into his suitcase, making sure to close it fully this time. Standing back up, Scar looks out at the planes passing by in the window. He wondered how much his hometown had changed if his childhood friends still recognised his face. It would be strange to be back there, maybe his head would revert back to his teenage years as soon as he stepped into his old room, or what was left of it.

What was going to happen to him? To his friends? To Grian?

Scar thought about it. Longer than he'd ever allowed himself to think about it, not wanting to back out at the idea of everyone he loves being hurt by his actions.

He imagined Cub ending up as a scientist that figures out weird ways to save or ruin the world. He imagined Mumbo somehow finding large amounts of wealth and spending his days travelling the world. He imagined Grian graduating, getting a good job as an architect, his dream job, finding somebody who treats him right... falling in love, they get married and have cute kids. They would be okay, eventually.

He was going to be okay too. Hopefully.

With a smile, Scar grabbed his bags and walked to the boarding. He was going home.

-

Grian felt like his entire world was rumbling away around him.

He couldn't even hear again, all he could hear was buzzing, constantly, muffling out everybody around him, frantically trying to get in touch with Scar.

It didn't matter what they did, his phone was off. Did he know that everybody would try to call him? Was this what he wanted all along? For Grian to be a miserable mess?

No, he couldn't think like that. Scar didn't want any of this to happen, he was sweet, kind, and selfless, sometimes too selfless. He would never hurt Grian on purpose... and yet right now, he hurt. If- no, 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 he saw that man he would be getting a lot of chosen words about scaring him like that. And then instantly hold him and confess every single thought he's had about marrying the brunet on top of a clifftop, kissing him with the sunset behind them.

He would think about what he would say later, right now, there were more important things to focus on.

Heavy rain started to hit the roof of the car, all coming down at once as even more dark clouds rolled over the sky. It hit the busy tarmac on the streets as they barely made process with the traffic.

As the rain continued to pour, Grian's anxiety only grew. He couldn't help but glance at the car's clock every few seconds, painfully aware of how much time was slipping through his fingers. Each red traffic light felt like a personal attack, and the congested streets seemed to mock his desperation. He tried to take deep breaths, reminding himself that there was still a chance–a tiny, fragile chance–that he could make it in time. His friends' voices seemed distant, drowned out by the relentless pounding of rain and the frantic beating of his heart. Grian clutched the fabric around his legs tightly, praying that somehow, someway, he could reach Scar before it was too late.

Mumbo's faraway voice ripped through his fog, "His plane will be boarding soon! We can't make it."

Cub slammed his palms against the steering wheel, "Goddamit, move people!"

They were stuck in a traffic jam making it feel like they were completely still. The weather was getting worse and worse, the heavy rain pounding, like his heart rate.

"What do we do?" Somebody asked.

"There is no way we can make it in time."

"We're going to miss him!"

With a swift movement, Grian unbuckled his seatbelt and threw open the car door. His sneakers hit the wet pavement before his brain even processed his actions. Ignoring all cries of his name as he ran, faster than he's ever gone before. The only thing going through his head was.

I can make it.

𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵!

And on and on that phrase repeated like a broken record. Because maybe, just maybe, if he believed it, it could become true. So he ignored how his clothes got completely soaked in the rain, freezing him to the bone. He ignored how his feet ached from hitting the hard ground constantly. Ignoring the burning in his lungs or the pain in his heart. Because 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵!

His brain went into complete autopilot until he saw the airport lights, and managed to quicken his pace. Sure, he felt like he was about to cough up blood, and he kept on having to run in front of cars that would honk and yell. It didn't matter, he was at the doors, he was going to see Scar agai-

As soon as Grian started running in the nearly empty airport, the smooth soles of his shoes slipped on the wet ground. His body came crashing to the ground, hitting his head hard enough for everything to be even more muffled. Not enough adrenaline was pumping through him to ignore the ache in his arm, but it didn't matter, he didn't matter! Slowly getting up from the floor, the man barely passed a glance to the strangers that had huddled around him-

Where was he even going? The lights were so bright- Which boarding was Scar even at? He didn't know his plane number or anything. What was he thinking? He can't do this-

Grian's eyes snapped onto a digital screen on the wall and if a burning determination in his heart, he managed to match the destination with the takeoff, that had to be it- God please let it be it-

He took off running again, still slightly panting from the last time. Now using the walls to slide around corners, trying to make out any markers or arrows through the blur.

And then he saw it. The boarding.

Running up to the desk, he blurted out, "I-I need to get on that flight-"

"Sorry sir, but the gate is closed, you are going to have to rebook your flight-"

"No-No! You don't understand! My-My uh- He's on that flight- I have to- I..." All words seemingly drained out from him as Grian stared at the woman with her unmoving face.

"I'm sorry sir but there is nothing I can do, the plane is about to take off any minute now."

"But..." all the aches and pains and pure 𝗲𝘅𝗵𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 he had been ignoring, it all came crashing down on his body, "I... I can't be too late- I... It's not fair- I- I tried-..."

It was over.

There wasn't anything else I could do.

Scar was gone.

Grian slowly made his way to a chair, completely slumping against it as all energy left his body. His throat was dry from all the air he had to inhale, making it painful to swallow. The left side of his body ached in a pain that made it obvious it was going to bruise. His head was throbbing with unbearable heat, maybe a concussion, maybe worse, did it even matter at this point?

It was all for nothing.

Maybe it was unrealistic to imagine a magical reunion where they would run into each other's arms and everything would be okay. Things ended in unsatisfying ways every day, that was a sad truth to life. But... he thought that maybe... maybe they were different...

The colour drained from his surroundings, all becoming a terrible grey he recognised all too well, pairing like puzzle pieces with the crushing weight on his shoulders. It was like somebody had drained everything he had and left him as just a husk of what he used to be. They didn't even get a proper goodbye, no tearful hugs or heartfelt last words. Nothing that was a proper ending to a friendship and love that had made life feel 𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭.

Grian stood up with shaky legs, making his way to the massive window that looked out to the runway. With arms wrapped around his fragile body, he looked up at the sky, to Scar's plane that had begun its flight. He wondered if the artist was looking down at him from up there, feeling as broken as he did.

And as the plane left his line of sight, Grian could feel his future slipping away right before his eyes...

.

.

.

.

"I think I missed my flight."

Grian instantly snapped his neck around to stare at where the oh-so-familiar voice had come from. It couldn't be- this couldn't be real- It was-

"𝙎𝙘𝙖𝙧!"

Grian's shaky legs sprinted towards the man until they came crashed into each other into an unglamorous death grip of a hug. They fell onto the hard fall roughly and yet all they could think to do was grab onto the other like their lives depended on it. Scar was here, he was here- Right here in his arms. He was warm and smelled like coffee and apples- And- And-

The smaller man let out a violent sob, not caring at all what bystanders might think of him. He didn't even realize how much he missed the simple things about his beloved like the cat hair still remaining on his hoodie or how even as tears streamed down his face, Scar still held the biggest smile on his face.

"I thought I was never going to see you again!" Grian spoke, muffled by his face being pressed against the other's chest, only pulling away slightly to say with a shaky voice, "I missed you so, so much..."

Before Scar could even get a sound out, the architect stood up and offered his hand to pull the other up. As soon as they both stood on trembling legs, Grian knocked him into another hug, “What are you doing here?! I-I thought I lost you- What- What about going back home?”

The taller man took his beloved into his hands, looked deep into his dark eyes, and spoke with a voice that melted with true and honest endearment that came straight from the heart, “You are my home Grian, you have been since we met. I can't leave now when I’ve finally found a place I belong... I just- I realized that I can't- I’m not letting you go, I can’t let this chance with you pass me by... I love you Grian, more than every star in the sky. I understand if you don't feel the same after what I did, I left you- I left everyone- I was just so scared and lost and- I want you to know that the time we spent together means a lot to me-”

Grian grasped the sides of Scar's face and pushed it hastily forward, lips clumsily crashing into one another. It was needy and desperate like the man needed it more than air. But he quickly pushed himself away, eyes wide in horror, "S-Sorry, I swear I didn't- I just- you were there, saying all that stuff and suddenly- I am so sorr-"

The artist brought the man's face up and turned his head so they could interlock together, lips touching softly and gently. Arms found their way around the taller man's neck as Grian melted into the touch, having to be supported by Scar's hand on his hip. Fireworks explode in their heads, feeling the entire world slip away from them until it was just them in this wonderful moment. It was magic, it was raw, it was everything they had imagined and more. So much more.

Grian slipped away after the most breathtaking kiss to try and reclaim some air in his lungs. They locked eyes with the biggest grins on their rosy faces, "I... I love you too Scar, no matter how this ends…”

The man's forest eyes sparkled like glitter as with a chestful laugh, he picked up Grian and started to twirl him around, "I love you! I love you so much!"

The two soulmates couldn't control their laughter as unbridled joy filled their hollow hearts, with so much glee, euphoria, and... happiness. They were 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺.

And they knew that nothing could ruin that for them. They were free to be happy, be 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.

-

Scar found Grian on the balcony in the dead of night.

It had been difficult to find a moment to be alone, everybody was taking every chance they got to scold him for scaring them like that and then instantly hugging him and telling him how grateful they are to have him in their lives. Not that he was complaining, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. But he knew that the two had lots to talk about eventually...

"hey stranger," The brunet hummed out, intertwining their fingers together like a puzzle piece, enjoying the warmth that spreads.

Grian smiles weakly, a fondness filling his dark eyes, "hey..."

They enjoyed the silence of the city. The silence of car horns and vague drunken men screaming nothing. Yeah, he liked this a lot better than the dead quiet of his hometown, it felt... right.

"...Scar?"

The artist brought his attention back to his soulmate, still unable to forget how his lips felt on his own, "hm?"

"why did you stay?" The question hung heavy in the air, "I- I mean- Of course, I'm glad you did but I just can't help wondering... why? Why did you change your mind at the last moment? You knew for a month you were leaving- I just-... I didn't... guilt you into staying, right?"

Scar's eyes faltered and the soft smile on his face fell, "No, no you... you didn't."

With a deep sigh, he uttered, "I knew you would be okay. Even if you don't believe it, I knew you are strong, you all are. You all would be alright without me and... I would be okay too. Maybe... I was right there at boarding with my bags and ticket and I-... I froze. I watched everyone board the plane, I watched the gate close and- And I just stood there, I couldn't move at all... I realized that even no matter what happened, there was nowhere else I wanted to be but right here, right now. Looking at the city below with you, holding your hand like this is how things are supposed to be..."

"But... your family. Have you heard from them?"

"No, but I don't think they could even reach me. I blocked them before I saw you," Scar admitted to the wind like a dark confession, "I had written this stupidly long paragraph, saying everything I have ever wanted to say to them. How their treatment has left me and- I wasn't their possession to show off or use- I wasn't there to make them happy. I was a person- I 𝘢𝘮 a person, whether they saw me as one or not. And... And then I wished them a good life and blocked them."

"Woah... I- I'm so proud of you for sticking up for yourself," Grian spoke with endearment soaked in his words, "Did-... Do you feel better? Now that it's all out there...?"

"No, god no, I feel ashamed and- and like I'm a terrible son- I feel like I've disappointed them for the last time, and my dad will die thinking I don't care-" As his voice grew shakier, he tried to brace himself, taking deep breaths, "I might have made the wrong choice. For the rest of my life, I won't have a family, I won't have my parents ever again, the people who raised me- or well... was supposed to. I will grow up not ever knowing if I could have had a proper relationship with them, and that just... really sucks. But..."

"...but?"

"I don't regret it. If given the chance I would do it again. I know that at least right now, I am 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 where I am supposed to be. And there is nothing I would change about this moment, you know?"

"...yeah, I do."

Grian leaned his weight against the man, melting into the touch when Scar wrapped his other arm around his shoulder. There was no fear of rejection, or shame, just love, pure and true.

"I'm in love with you Scar, I- I want to move in with you- I want to date you- If... If you want-"

The artist stopped his nervous rambling with an ungraceful kiss, not sure what he was doing but he knew he would quickly learn. It was short, it was sweet, and it was one of the many that would follow. Just the thought made his heart swell with joy.

"Grian, you are the most special person in my life and the chance to call you my own is a privilege I would hold with a badge of honour."

"But, what even makes me so special?"

"What doesn't?"

The architect smiled ear to ear, putting his index finger and thumb on Scar's chin to bring him down in another kiss, deeper and purposeful. Pulling away, their eyes locked together like an orbit.

"We did it, didn't we?"

"Yes, my songbird, we did it. And I'm not going anywhere, you're stuck with me forever now."

With a chuckle, Grian pressed a soft kiss to his temple, "Good, I wouldn't want it any other way..."